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Names were complicated for Kat. Katsuki to her family, Bakugou to most everyone else, Kacchan to Deku. All were right in some ways, wrong in others. None were her.
She called herself ‘Kat’, even though it wasn’t really a name, because Suki was too soft and she was uncreative. That didn’t mean ‘Kat’ felt right, but it was the best out of the options.
Well, laziness was part of it, but if Kat was being completely honest, which she never would be, the real reason was much more intimate. She had to settle for Kat, and know even that much was disgraceful, because if she allowed herself a real name, everything would be harder.
Suki, a beautiful lady, could never exist. Mako, a shy young darling, could never exist. Haruhi, a strong and rebellious woman, could never exist.
If she had to act like and look like Bakugou Katsuki, there was no reason to give herself false hope when alone. Kat was a compromise, a line thrown to keep her alive, but it couldn’t become more.
“How do straight people know they’re straight?” Denki asked, his newest attempt at delaying studying as long as possible. “Because, like, gay people have this big realization usually.”
“It’s just straight until proven otherwise, I think.” Mina bit, less because she didn’t know it was a diversion and more because she wanted one too.
“That doesn’t sound like an English related topic.” Kat spoke quickly.
“Damn, Bakubro, you’re grumpier than usual.” Kiri laughed. “We usually get at least one warning before you go off on us.”
“I’m not going off.”
“What’s wrong, man?” Sero grabbed the papers straight from her hands, forcing her to actually interact. “Did something happen?”
The word ‘man’ made Kat want to rip her skin off at whatever speed was the most painful, but it was also a reminder. She was a man, she was Bakugou Katsuki, she had to be normal. “Just tired of you dumbasses.”
“Aren’t you interested, though?” Denki did not sense the energy of the room.
“I don’t care how straight people realize they’re straight. No one does. Now go back to the English work.” Sexuality and her weird version of gender weren’t the same thing, but they were close, too close. It wasn’t that she thought they would figure out her secret from this conversation, but she couldn’t say her resolve would hold if they were too nice.
“I do.” Denki argued.
“Talk about it later.” She snapped. “English, now.”
“Okay, okay.” Kiri placeted. “ Later .”
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kat knew what Kiri had meant by ‘later’, but that still didn’t mean she was pleased when it came.
“Hey, Bakubro.” Kiri called, bursting into Kat’s dorm without knocking. He never knocked, no one in their friend group did. If someone wanted privacy, the doors locked.
“What do you want, Shitty Hair?”
“It’s later.”
“It’s always later from sometime.”
“It’s sexuality conversation later. From studying earlier.”
“What does that have to do with me? I’m the only one who thought it was moronic. Go talk to one of the extras about it.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Whatever, Shitty Hair.”
“Why did you get so angry? It wasn’t your usual anger either, you weren’t mad at us for deterring away from the homework. It was something else: what?”
“You’re being moronic.”
“No, I’m not. What’s wrong? What was wrong? Come on, Bakubro, we’re friends, we’re bros. You can tell me. Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t.”
“So, something is wrong.”
“No. You can’t help because there's nothing.”
“Oh, come on, Bakugou. Why are you being so resistant? I just want to know why you were so on edge? Was it the conversation topic itself, or something else?”
“It was nothing.”
“I know you’re not homophobic. Are you….”
“Am I what, Shitty Hair?” Kat knew ‘what’. Knew the incorrect but too close for comfort guess Kiri had made. Knew she would have to decide, very quickly, if pretending to be gay was a smart cover story or almost as dangerous as the truth.
“Are you gay or something? You know we’ll accept you; you wouldn’t be the first in the class to come out.”
“I—” She didn’t want to lie, not more than a lie of omission, at least, but she needed an excuse. Kiri wasn’t going to give up on his own, he was too smart and observational for that. “I’m not a man who is romantically attracted to men.”
“You said that in a weird way, dude.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Are you trying, in your own weird evasive-y way, trying to tell me something about your identity? You’re not gay, but you are something else? Something related?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because we’re friends and you’re hurting and it’s my duty to help you through it.”
Kat tapped her nails against her thigh. She couldn’t think, she needed to think, she couldn’t think. “I’m fine.”
“Are you, like, a girl or something?”
“What?”
“It’s okay if you are. You’d still be totally manly. I mean, not man ly, just, like, manly. All the girls are manly.”
“What do you mean by me being a girl?”
“Like Pro Hero Tiger. He’s a man, but people thought he was a woman at first. Are you like that, but opposite?”
Obviously Kiri figured her out. Being near him was already a gamble, but with the hints she had, for some idiotically emotional reason, been giving anyone would. That didn’t stop her abdominal muscles from tightening, though. “I could never be a woman, Kiri. I’m too masculine, too brash, too muscular. Lord Explosion Murder.”
“None of that has to do with your gender.”
“Everything does.”
“Do you have a name you like? I could call you it in private if you’re not ready for other people to know.”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you, Kirishima, I’m a man forever. No point in throwing myself a bone. It’ll just make existing harder.” Kiri had the terrible ability to make her say everything she didn’t want to.
“Do you like Katsuki?”
“....No, but it doesn’t matter.”
“I could call you Kacchan, like how Midoriya does.”
“No.” The answer was immediate and unthought about. "No one can call me Kacchan except him.”
“Okay. How about Suki? I know it’s not spelt the same, but it sounds similar, just with a ‘u’ sound.”
“It’s spelt the same in English.” She quietly admitted. “That’s why Present Mic is always getting on to me for misspelling my name, even though I’m otherwise great in his class.”
“You do it on purpose.”
Kat nodded. “I don’t go by Suki, but….It helps, sometimes, when I have nothing else.”
“So, should I call you ‘Suki’, then?”
“It doesn’t make much sense for me to be named ‘like’. I’m not exactly popular.”
“I like you.”
“Why are you acting this way?”
“What way?”
“Like I’m normal.”
“You are, at least in this regard.”
“I usually call myself Kat, like the English name for the animal, but with a K.” She admitted. “It’s not me, but….It’s something.”
“I can call you Kat.”
“Maybe both.”
“Both Kat and Suki?”
“Interchangably.”
“Alright, you got it.”
“Do you think Mina will ever know she’s not alone? Not the only girl in our friendgroup?”
“It’s up to you whether or not she does.”
“She can’t.”
“It’s up to you.”