Work Text:
Dear Frankie,
Science class is boring without you. Nothing explodes without you there. It sucks. Got a bad grade again too. D- this time though, not an F. Same reason as last time too. Wish you were here to yell at the teacher for me.
Good news though, didn't get anyone’s lunch thrown at me today. Think the lacrosse team went on a field trip today. Or played an away game. Who gives a shit really, all that matters is that sandwiches stayed on their trays and off our faces.
Mikey did get his glasses stepped on, but it seemed like a real mistake this time? Still a jerk move but like, less. Someone apologized for the guy who did it. Seemed like kinda a nerd. Wore glasses too. Couldn't tell if it was a chick or a dude, LOL. Nice enough kid though.
Hope vacation is treating you well. Need you back soon. Lacrosse team won't be gone forever. Need our snappy little attack dog back, XD.
Your friend,
illi <3.
---
hey illi!
that teacher can rot in hell. literally who cares about names these days. Toro can literally put “RAY IZ AWSUM” and still gets credit, FFS. teach is a cunt and I'll back you up 4ever. same with the lacrosse bastards. let me use the mallets on them, PLEASE. (I hate asking for permission, you know that, but Toro said it might work. anything to punt those assholes into the sun. so yeah. please?)
ooooo, illi has a CRUSH! for real tho? get the nerd. let them join our lost tribe or W/E. or step on their glasses, IDC.
vaca is eh. too hot, too sunny, but at least there's hot babes in bikinis. wish u were here tho. bikini or no-kini ;)
fuck the prepz,
Frank
---
Frank!
No mallets! One more incident and the principal will axe the team. Sorry :(. Thanks for backing me up tho :).
Talked to nerdy boy again. He's a boy. Outnumbered forever! Doesn't hate my guts for existing though, so we're chill maybe? Cute guy in a dorky way. Always wears hats. Floppy hair. Dopey smile. His friend says he can sing but IDK. Never heard it myself. Might ask him to sometime.
And you'd have to PAY me to wear a bikini, ew! Or come to DND nights. Your choice, smart guy :).
Your friend,
illi <3.
---
illister
I can punt principal buttface into the sun too. I believe in me. it’s not murder if he deserves it.
and just ask the nerd out already. I can tell u wanna kiss him through the screen ;)))
if I go to nerd night, you have to wear a bikini there. or at least something slutty. no pleases cuz they clearly don't work.
fuck the nerds (literally),
Frank
---
hey illi,
haven’t heard from u in a while. we good?
fuck the internet,
Frank
---
hello?
Earth to McMillin? were you abducted by aliens? LMK if it's more like Hitchhiker’s or Alien. are you Ripley right now? if so, get their asses.
fuck the planet,
Frank
(PS if the aliens are hot, send nudez.)
---
Illi.
Sorry if I went too far on the nerd crush thing. And the bikini thing. It was just a joke. I'm really worried about you. Please respond, even if it's to say you hate my guts and never wanna see me again. Please.
Fuck me,
Frank
---
Dear Frank,
I am so, so sorry I didn't message back. I didn't mean to scare or worry you, but there's not much I can do. Mom and Dad threatened to kick me out a few days ago. Mikey talked them down to just taking away computer time and grounding me, but I can't stand it anymore. They say if I don't stop lying to myself they'll take everything away from me. I'm not lying, Frank. You know I'm not lying, right?
I'm at Ray’s house right now. Messages will be few and far between, at least until I can risk sneaking down to the computer at night.
I wish they didn't hate me. They don't hate Mikey like they hate me. They only hate him because he loves me. Why can't I just be normal?
Signed,
You-know-who
---
Oh my god, I am so fucking glad you're OK, holy shit. Your parents are the biggest assholes in the world, fucking hell. If they see this, they can crawl all the way up satan’s colon and die, holy fuck. As soon as I get back, I'll kick their asses. OK not really, but only cuz you'd get in deep shit for it. I'd mallet them to the moon if I could. Mad props to Mikes and Toro for sticking up for you too, good on them. Make sure they know that. Tell em Frank said that he gives his stamp of approval in the Illi Protection Squad. That's the name of our group now. We will protect you from anything. I promise.
Normal is overrated. Really, I'm not shitting you. Trying to fit into boxes is the best way to get a crick in your neck. My leg fell asleep in my old box so I used my other one to kick a homophobe in the dick. am I doing metaphors now? ew.
NEways, bottom line? fuck your parents, I'm ur dad now. Toro can be the mom. he’s got the hair for it, and the hips. Mikes can stay ur brother I guess. but I'm ur dad. ur illi iero now. no buts. ur my beautiful wonderful daughter and I will love you 4ever and ever. no exceptions. we’re your family of losers. and I know you're not lying, okay? you’ve never been more true.
fuck the bigots,
love Frank
---
Frank,
Don’t have much time, but thank you. You and the guys mean the world to me. No on you being my dad. Yes on you being my family.
BTW I’m asking nerd boy out tomorrow. Name is Patrick. Hope he says yes :).
Love,
illi iero-toro-mcmillin <3.
---
Hey Frank,
illi wants me 2 let U know that the Patrick kid said yes. also, is the beach fun? Send post cards. you know which 1s ;}
Sincuriley,
ray rulezzz
---
frank
you are not my father
m mcmillin