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00:00, August 9th. Damian Wayne's 17th birthday.
And yet he couldn't stomp out the feeling something was wrong. The clock ticked by into the early minutes of the day, even if he couldn't get to sleep. Something was off. He had a sick feeling in his stomach that would make Zoe and Raven both go haywire.
Ken called it anxiety, but it stuck out just below his ribs. It was never explainable and they did say anxiety wasn't always explainable. But this actually hurt. It felt like his heart was beating too far outwards, that something was deeply, deeply wrong. His vision was still clear and nothing else seemed to hurt but just in that instant…everything felt wrong.
"Beloved?" He picked up his phone and called. "Are you…okay?"
"You have a knack for sensing when I'm not."
Hollow. Echoey. As if not in their own.
"Do you want me to-"
"Could you please?"
Their voice sounded like a kicked puppy, desperate for some sort of attention. Desperate for care and need. Alessia had a shield that came up whenever it wasn't a member of Liraz.
When they opened the door, Damian stood there in a hoodie and jeans. His pocket showed the outline of a phone, a phone that was silent and unmoving. They fumbled with the door chain hanging from the wall.
"Are you okay?" His voice felt like an earthquake in the dead of the night.
"You…"Alessia heaved in a huge breath. "Youneedtocomewithmetothepharmacytogetapregnancytestbecauseimightbepregnantandimscaredtogoalone."
"I doubt they'll care."
"Did you not just hear me?"
Tears seemed etched into their skin, like gold running through marble. They pulled on their sleeves, eyes unable to meet his.
"What if I am pregnant? What happens? Who do we tell?" They collapsed into his arms and sobbed.
"How could it happen?" He whispered into their hair.
"You tell me." There was an ironic chuckle in all that.
In Gotham, pharmacies were as easy to come by as a convenience store, especially one that was open 24/7. On any other day, Alessia would actually be giggling at the thought of having to go to a pharmacy while next to the boy whose sister had a vial of Lazarus pit water on her at all times. But today was sobering.
They were flicking through the pregnancy tests when they looked up at Damian.
"God above, it's your birthday." It was like the light had clicked on in their head. "Why didn't you remind me, I wouldn't've made you-"
"Beloved, I wasn't able to sleep. I'd rather be here." He ran a hand through their hair.
It was…akin to a parent stroking their child to sleep. Would…that be the life they lead? That wasn't in the books for them. Well, it wasn't written from the start. They were both born to be destroyers, emperors, people who benefited from pain.
But staring at his partner now, under the fluorescent lights that should've been illegal after midnight, watching them compare prices of a test that very well may change the course of their lives; maybe that was the point.
"I'll pay for it." He whispered.
"What?"
"I caused it, if anything."
It seemed like an odd attempt at a joke. A cruel joke.
"I don't want that on your card." Alessia smiled. Maybe they meant to say conscience.
"I have cash."
The walk to the cashier was slow and horrendous. No one was there but it felt crowded, stifling. It felt like eyes watched and criticised their every move, taunting them for their mistake. Their stomach churned with every movement, their head running around in spirals. What was that feeling?
The cashier seemed to recognise them, even if barely. Her eyes flitted between the two of them.
"Do you wanna refill your birth control?"
It felt counterintuitive in the moment. She looked up, then at the test sitting in front of her.
"Might as well." Alessia shrugged.
Their partner raised an eyebrow at them.
"So that if I'm not pregnant, I won't get pregnant."
He didn't reply.
The walk back home was treacherous.
"How do you use it?"
"You pee on it. Idk, man, you just use it."
"Do you need help with it?"
"Do you wanna watch me pee?"
"Not particularly."
"Then why would you ask?" They snapped.
"I..I don't know." Damian shrunk into his jacket.
Alessia didn't mean to get harsh, but no one ever told them that anger was the hottest fire. No fire they had ever attempted. Not even hellfire could make one's stomach acid bubble as much as anger did.
"Sorry. I'm just really upset."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are. I'm sorry too."
"Hm? Why would you be sorry?"
They stood under a lone street light, the light beaming like the heavens. Once upon a time, Damian would've made a remark about his partner's height. But now, they used that height to bury their head into his chest.
"I'm gonna ruin your life like I did everyone else's."
"My love, no, you aren't. You never did."
"I ruined my dad's life, I practically killed my mother, I destroyed Declan's life before he was even born!"
"I think you made my life better."
Such a simple sentence. A noun, a verb, an adjective. Even a third grader could understand that sentence. The world seemed to stop in its tracks, watching as a captive audience. Damian Wayne wasn't very good at saying 'I love you.' He said it in other ways: bringing you food, protecting you in battle, letting you play with his pets, letting you see his drawings, all those sorts of things. It was subtle, hidden, always with Alessia. His beloved.
He caressed her cheek, tilting her chin up. He could never have seen her as someone who destroyed all she touched. He would've been lying if he hadn't seen this face as the mother of children in his dreams before. Never this young, of course, but he had seen it. And it made him…feel in a way he hadn't really before. There was nothing else to say. There couldn't have been anything else to say.
They really did make his life better.
"Let's go home."
"If we do have a baby, where the hell are we gonna live? That flat is cramped." Alessia had their moments where clarity came shining through. Problems had to be solved. "Let's figure out if I'm pregnant or not first."
The light in the apartment hallway seemed much brighter than it was when they left.
"You didn't lock your door." Damian pointed at the handle flatly.
"I had bigger things to worry about."
Damian hadn't noticed it before but a talisman hung on the door like a protector. It wasn't a symbol he recognised and Ken hadn't ever mentioned it before
"That talisman-"
"From me dad." Their eyes managed to clear. "He gave it to me last time he was in this apartment."
They unwrapped the test gingerly, really unsure what to do.
"I can read you the instructions from outside the door." Damian seemed dumb in this situation, trying to help a person who seemed to know what they were doing.
"I think I know how to pee, my love." They kissed him on the cheek as they went into the bathroom.
It was an excruciating minute standing outside the door, and then another horrendous 15 minutes waiting for the results to appear. The bathroom was cramped so Alessia sat on the closed toilet while Damian took a seat in the shower stall, despite it still being slightly wet.
"I could move to Liverpool. My mum's given me a house there."
"Or you could move in with me?"
"the Wayne Manor doesn't need to see a child walking around." There was a flicker of a smile and then a flicker of a flame as they lit up a cigarette.
Damian went to go grab it from them but they pulled away swiftly. "It may very well be my last one." Alessia urged in a grave tone. "For the next nine months, anyways. Or maybe forever, depending on what happens when I'm in that hospital."
"What?"
They heaved a humongous sigh, one that rested on generations of trauma. "My grandmother died giving birth to my father, Dames. I was always terrified. Us Constantine kids cause the death of our mothers quite easily." Their hand rested on a stomach that wasn't so much there. "Even if they don't kill me then, the chances of me dying in my 20's are high. I'm immortal, but John and Amanda were still human."
"I'll raise them…unlike your father."
"Abah…well, I don't think he was made to have kids."
Alessia wouldn't be lying. They could think of one or two memories where John actually was around. But they always had a suspicion that John was…around. The talisman, the bag, the books that always had a spell or a ritual they needed in that moment, how the door to the attic was always unlocked even when he wasn't around. Especially when he wasn't around. That was still their father at the end of the day. They still loved him in some odd and twisted way they couldn't exactly describe.
Damian's family wasn't normal either. The League was no place to raise a child and that was never the plan. The plan was for the two of them to never be found by Ra's. For Talia to 'lose' the babies. That a servant would sneak the two out and leave with them. By the time Ra's would find out that his daughter had not in fact lost the children, it would be more than too late. They would have been adopted. But he found out anyways. And so they were trained to be feared.
Bruce's situation was soemthing else entirely. No one could doubt that Bruce Wayne took in strays like no one's business. But having biological kids? Maybe a few scattered but…biological kids he took in? That was a different situation.Totally different. All these kids who had something to fight for. All this kids who never really took no for an answer.
Was anyone really trusting the children of these mad people to be parents themselves?
15 minutes passed and they both glanced over. All 5…positive.
"ah, bollocks." Alessia stamped out their cigarette. "I didn't beat that statistic. Didn't beat the queer suicide one either."
Their eyes settled on Damian's, who had both palms planted firmly on the sink, staring at the tests with eyes wide.
"I've got you for both of them." His partner took his hand gently.
"I'll always be here for you." He murmured.
He wasn't always very forward like that. Something shifted in his heart. He wanted…this. He had backed away from being a hero just slightly but this…was what he wanted. Becoming a doctor,a family with his beloved; everything his mother would've wanted him to achieve.
"Any baby name ideas?"
"Thomas?"
"Oh no, my love, anything but Thomas, that was me granddad's name so we should avoid it."
"Ah."
"I wouldn't mind Mary-Anne." They responded shyly. "My grandma's name."
"You want to keep it?"
The question took them aback. just a little bit. "Yeah, obviously. Never know what's going to happen when the DNA of a nephilim and an Al Ghul mix. It may never happen again."
"I doubt that."
"Excuse me?" Alessia bent over to look at him from underneath. "Just how many do you want, Mr Wayne?"
"However many you want."
"Oh jeez. Think you'll have more fun than I would if I genuinely told you how many."
Now it was his turn to be surprised. He tilted his head ever so slightly before narrowing his eyes. They smiled back, lopsided.
"Do you wanna dance?" He suddenly asked, cheeks darker than just a moment before.
"Of course, my love." He lifted them off the toilet, the results suddenly not as horrible as they thought of it to be.
Despite having no source, music floated in from around them. They pressed against each other in a cold autumn night, one's head resting against the other's chest. They danced a waltz, not set to quite the right time signature but a soft, steady tempo.
"I love you, Damian Wayne."
"I love you too, Kendra."
A few years later, with a boy in their lap and a cup in their hand, Alessia watched their partner try and teach a young girl how to dance. The boy had green eyes with a slight brown seeping in towards the pupil, with hair as dark as a winter night. The girl had golden hair, with grey eyes like thunderclouds. She stood on her father's feet, attempting to follow his movements while listening to the music.
And when all that failed, she knew she could jump into his arms and let him twirl her around until one of them got tired.
"C'mon, Mar, bedtime." He cradled her in his arms. "Your brother's already asleep."
Before he could finish his sentence, his daughter was fast asleep, snoring like she had nothing to be afraid of.
"Love you, Dami." His partner called out to him as they went up the stairs.
"Love you too, Ken."