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Tony was on his fifth—or was it sixth—cup of coffee. He had pulled another all-nighter working on new weapons for the Quinjet. And if he was lucky, he could sneak into bed and save his husband's scolding for later. But unfortunately, he couldn’t ignore the gnawing hunger in his stomach any longer.
And unfortunately, the kitchen on his and Steve's floor was packed with Avengers.
His husband, bless him, was slaving over the hot stove, making enough pancakes and bacon to feed an army. Thor was drinking directly from the coffee pot, and it looked like he had already eaten the Costco-sized box of Pop-Tarts Jarvis had ordered, if the empty box and wrappers lying on the table were anything to go by. Bruce leaned back against the counter, talking quietly with Steve as he steeped his tea in a mug that said, Never trust an atom. They make up everything. Bucky sat on the counter on the other side of Steve. Natasha was silently eating a banana at the kitchen table. Clint sat next to her, reading one of those trashy gossip magazines.
"Morning, everyone who doesn’t live here."
"Technically, we do all live here, just not on this floor," Clint quipped, not looking up from his magazine.
Tony walked over to the coffee pot, kissing Steve on the cheek as he passed, and opened the cabinet above it, taking out a second coffee pot. You always had to be prepared when living with superheroes.
Steve turned around, spatula in hand, wearing his Kiss the Cook apron that Tony had gotten him. "Tony, I know you were up all night—"
"I know, snookums, but the new Quinjet weapons system was calling my name!"
"Tony—"
"And now that that's done, I'm going to eat a delicious breakfast prepared by my darling husband, and then I'm going to take a nap!"
Steve sighed before turning back to the stove.
When the fresh pot of coffee finished brewing, Tony poured himself a cup and headed to the table. "So, Legolas, what’s the news today? Thor married Bigfoot? Or maybe I’ve been an android all along? Or how about Widow being related to Carrot Top?"
Clint flipped to the next page. "Nothing really exciting —oh shit!"
Natasha, curious, leaned over and looked at the page. "Вот дерьмо!" she exclaimed and choked on her banana. Clint dropped the magazine on the table and began patting her back.
Tony grabbed the magazine, his eyes scanning the page. The picture showed two men walking down the streets of New York City. He recognized Johnny Storm right away—the kid’s picture was plastered everywhere. His ego was bigger than Tony’s own. He had his arm around... Peter?! They were both smiling, Peter in mid-laugh, their heads close. Too close.
Tony began reading the article aloud. "Move over, Stony, it looks like the hottest new romance might just be soaring through the skies of New York! Sources are buzzing that Peter Parker, 23, a.k.a. the adopted son of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, has been spotted getting very cozy with none other than The Human Torch himself, Johnny Storm, 24.
The couple has reportedly been seen having a romantic dinner in the East Village, sharing more than just pizza. One onlooker claimed, 'They laughed and smiled at each other the whole night. And I swear they were holding hands! This wasn’t just two friends hanging out.'
While neither has officially confirmed the rumors, Johnny has been teasing his fans on social media with cryptic tweets like 'Things are really heating up!' followed by several flame and heart emojis, while Peter has remained quiet. Looks like New York’s hottest superhero gossip just got a whole lot hotter!"
Tony looked up at Steve, who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. But Tony knew his husband, and he was feeling the same way. And if anything, the black smoke coming from the skillet on the stove was a dead giveaway.
"I thought we raised him better. Out of all the superpowered disasters he could’ve chosen, he picked Johnny Hothead?!" Tony exclaimed, still in shock, still trying to process that his son was supposedly dating Johnny Storm.
Tony had a feeling when Peter moved out for college that he'd go to parties and drink and maybe sleep around—even though none of those things ever interested Peter before—but it was college! You had to live it up and have fun in between projects and papers. But this... this was worse than anything Tony could have imagined.
Steve opened his mouth to reply, but never got the chance. The door opened, and in walked Peter.
"Hey, guys!" he said cheerfully . "Thought I’d bum some breakfast off you." He laughed. He was wearing a hoodie, like he always did, but Tony could see the Fantastic Four emblem peeking out from where the hoodie was unzipped at the chest .Tony felt sick. Was that Storm’s? Was Peter with him this morning? Last night?
"Whoa," Peter said, stopping when he saw everyone’s faces. "Everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah," Bruce was the first to speak. "We just have some... stuff to do. Come on, Thor." He grabbed Thor’s big arm and tugged him toward the door.
"But I haven’t had any of the pans of cakes!" Thor exclaimed.
"We’ll go out for some," Bruce replied as they left.
"I think my couch is screaming our names, Buck," Clint said. "Let’s order pizza and watch Golden Girls !" They hurried past Peter, Bucky whispering a "Good luck, kid" with a pat on the shoulder on the way out.
Natasha got up from her seat and left silently.
"What’s going on?" Peter asked slowly once they were alone.
Tony stood and walked over to his son, holding out the magazine. Peter took it and scanned the page, his face flushing.
"Uh," Peter began, looking up at his parents, "so, um..."
"Here, I’ll help. ‘It’s not true, Dad. Don’t believe everything you read, Pops ,’ " Tony offered.
Peter was silent a moment before he said the words Tony wished—prayed—hoped he wasn’t going to say.
"It’s true," Peter swallowed thickly, setting the paper down on the kitchen table.
"How long has this been going on?" Steve asked, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
Peter looked away, fiddling with the strings on his hoodie. "Five months."
"FIVE MONTHS?!" Tony exploded. "And you didn’t think to tell us?!"
"I knew you wouldn’t like it! And I didn’t know what it was at first. We were just hanging out, and then Johnny kissed me one day, and it just... went from there. But I like him... a lot. He’s funny and nice. He gets me. He lets me talk about all of my science stuff, and I like the way he makes me feel."
"He treats you good ?" Steve asked. "Like we raised you to expect?"
"Yes, he does."
Tony thought back on the last few months. His son had been happier, brighter, almost... giddy. And all because of Captain Firepants.
"Well," he said with a sigh, "you know no one will ever be good enough for you, right, champ?" Tony wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders.
Peter smiled. "Yes, I know, Dad."
"Okay, good. If he ever hurts you in any way, let us know. We’ll take care of him. We’ll let him babysit the Hulk," Tony said, pressing a kiss to the side of Peter’s head before bringing him in for a hug. Peter welcomed it. Steve joined them, wrapping his big arms around his family.
"You do know you have to invite him over for dinner now?" Steve asked.
Peter groaned. "You already know him, though!"
"We know the Human Torch. We don’t know our son’s boyfriend."
"Okay, fine. I’ll see when he’s free."
"Alright, good. Now sit down. I made pancakes and bacon," Steve said.
As Tony and Peter sat down, Steve began serving them.
"Is this a bad time to mention that Johnny and I are kinda living together?" Peter grins nervously.
Steve pauses with the spatula in midair, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.
Tony stopped, a fork full of cut-up pancake dripping with syrup halfway to his mouth.
"Steve, I’m having chest pains!"
"Tony, stop it!"