Work Text:
Since what happened in that serial killer ghost story, I have been observing Kim Soleum. My psychopathic roommate slash superior.
To know what to do when met with your enemy, you must know your enemy well. That's why I have been carefully observing that crazy bastard, even though I wouldn't if given the choice.
But clearly, doing this was the better option. Since I was good at weighing pros and cons, I concluded that I was doing the right thing. So far, the observation has been progressing well.
Although there are also some puzzling things here and there that I nearly mistook for work from the fountain pen item.
First, if you paid close attention, Kim Soleum was surprisingly normal. Other than when he's chatting with Brown or watching children's cartoons like a fucking creep. He ate like a normal person, entered work like a normal person, and greeted people like a normal person. He would even be more polite with his superiors.
I don't know why I thought he would have the guts to threaten his superiors the way he did to me. Right. That guy has a bit of common sense, at least.
Second, he sometimes stares off into the distance with a strange expression. No. Rather than strange, it was an expression I could recognize. I think I wear it sometimes, too. Even though I don't like it. Really... I shouldn't be empathizing with this guy, but I think I understand that expression more than anyone. Because it's a feeling that occurs to me often despite how much I hate it.
Honestly, it makes me feel weak. Missing people makes me feel like shit. Does Kim Soleum feel that too? Can psychopaths miss people as well? Ugh. I don't know. It sounds kinda gross so I don't wanna think about it more than that.
Third, Kim Soleum tends to want to end darknesses rather than just survive it. Even if he doesn't end them, he always tries to get a lot of people out of them. At first, I just thought it was because he was crazy, and he liked stirring things up. Maybe he liked seeing people cling to the tiny piece of hope he gave them and see if they would crumble in the end. Just imagining him saying that sent chills down my spine. Freak.
That was really what I thought. But when I saw it happen so frequently, another thought that I had pushed to the back of my head because it was too unfitting for Kim Soleum's character, resurfaced. Is that guy playing hero?
No. Not that. Is that guy actually trying to save people? In this company where you either fuck people over or die a nobody? No matter how I thought about it, it didn't feel right. Why the hell would he do that?
In this kind of place, I could even say it's more normal to only care about your own survival and rewards. Aren't all employees here like that? It's just that some of them are stupid and useless. That's why they couldn't survive. But everyone is only thinking of their own lives. That's why none of the squads are that close with each other. If you care about others just a little more, then you lose. The only one losing is you.
Kim Soleum isn't the kind of person to do that, right? Because he's a psychopath who is good at acting normal. That's all he is...
...
Fourth. Kim Soleum always has tired eyes. I thought it was because he's a dopamine junkie who gets bored easily and lives off the thrill of dangerous situations like the freak he is. But I don't think that's the case. It wasn't this obvious before, so I didn't pay enough attention to notice it. But sir, when you have that kind of face, it's like you're yelling 'I'm fucking tired!' Did you want me to acknowledge it or what?
Right. Ever since he abruptly came back from the dead and threatened the hell out of me (again) and I agreed to trade rumors from the company for items with him, I noticed a new thing.
Ah. Not new. Just... It's stronger. That tiredness. It's more prominent. And that expression, too. What the hell is your problem? ...Are you working hard because you miss something? No way.
Blabbering on about gossip I honestly don't even care about, my eyes turned to look at your face again. There, I saw it. The way you just lowered your head and stared at the table. It's almost like you didn't even have the energy to lift your head.
Do you think you have a bored expression on, or do you just don't care about showing these faces? You know if I learn about your weakness, I can shut even someone like you down, right? Are you stupid, showing weakness like this? Or do you just have so much confidence that everything will go your way, you bastard?
As I kept thinking, the panic I usually felt whenever I talked to him subsided. When we were parting ways (Finally!), I thought I was calm enough to ask for some information. Wouldn't hurt.
"Excuse me." I started, he face me with his back. Rude fucker. I hesitated. But decided to just ask straightforwardly.
"You’re still at the Disaster Management Agency, right, Supervisor?"
Good. Don't come back.
"......"
That was a yes or no question, is it that hard to answer? You won't let anything slip, huh? Stingy bastard. I continued.
"You were rescued by the agents in the form of a child back then. So…"
He turned to me.
"It's better not to know."
Ah. A warning. I found myself pausing out of reflex. So you won't give away anything, tch. He seemed to be thinking about something, before speaking again.
"There’s nowhere in there where you can get something like a Wish Ticket anyway."
"......"
There not being a wish ticket doesn't mean there isn't something that could help me get a wish ticket.
"There’s nothing in it for you."
...? This guy... he always talks like he knows what I want. But... he proved it multiple times too. If I urge more, who knows if he'll act crazy again. Whatever, I'll leave it here for now.
Thinking about his hollow eyes with that dimmed light, I took another glance at him before adding,
"…Yes. Well… Take care of yourself, Supervisor."
Out of courtesy.
"You too."
Huh. The voice that told me that wasn't mocking. Did you mean it? Of course, I've always been good at taking care of myself. I've survived this long because of that.
Walking away from the room café, I thought I heard a sigh after I walked out the door. It was an unnecessary thought, but briefly, just briefly, I wondered if you felt just as suffocated as I do.
I just never cared enough to look at you properly. Or I was too scared to. Either way, are you a human, after all?
———
Sometime after that, Kim Soleum stopped contacting me for gossip and disappeared.