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“Ugh, Sizhui, you smell like mosquito repellent,” Jin Ling groans.
Sizhui just smiles and adjusts his backpack. “You’ll be jealous when the bugs eat you alive, and I’m sitting here itch-free,” he claims.
Jin Ling rolls his eyes. “The mosquitoes don’t like me.”
“That’s ’cause you’re so sour,” Jingyi says, laughing. “Sizhui’s blood is sweeter, obviously.”
“I have the bug spray if you change your mind, Jin Ling,” Zizhen offers, settling in to walk beside him.
“I won’t,” Jin Ling grumbles. “It smells awful.”
Zizhen shrugs. “Suit yourself.”
The four boys (and one dog) are only half a mile into the trail, and Jin Ling is already regretting agreeing to this. Their plan is to hike five miles up to a lake in the mountains, stay the night, then hike five miles back in the morning. Jin Ling had argued for just a day hike there and back, but Sizhui just had to see the stars, and Zizhen just had to spend hours fishing. Jingyi wants to pick huckleberries, the nerd. Jin Ling can’t believe he’s friends with these idiots.
Jin Ling kicks a rock and sends it careening off the trail and into the bushes. He tries not to think about what’ll happen when the summer ends, but walking has always made him ponder.
With every acceptance letter, Jin Ling loses another friend. Sizhui is headed up north into Canada. Zizhen wanted to get as far away from home as possible — he’s got a college waiting for him on the east coast. At least Jingyi is staying in-state.
Jin Ling has two more years of high school ahead of him. Alone.
This whole trip had been Sizhui’s idea. One last adventure before they all go their separate ways. He’s the sentimental type. The rest of them had jumped at the idea — a road-trip, a cabin Airbnb, and a backpacking excursion into the mountains is the perfect distraction before their goodbyes. Which Jin Ling is dreading.
How Sizhui had managed to convince Jiujiu to let Jin Ling come along is beyond him. Though, Sizhui had promised not to let Jingyi do any of the driving, which might have played a major role in swaying Jiujiu’s opinion.
Jin Ling suspects that Jiujiu has some poor experience with goodbyes. Not that he'd ever ask, of course.
“Ooh! Look at that stream!” Sizhui calls, abruptly jolting Jin Ling from his thoughts. The creek he’s pointing to is rather lovely — the running water is creating a soft sound in addition to the sway of the pine trees.
Fairy tugs at her leash, pulling forward to get a drink.
Jin Ling is thankful for the break. He’s kind of out of shape, but he’ll vehemently deny that, should any of his friends ask.
“Whew! How far in are we?” Jingyi asks, setting his backpack in the dirt and stretching.
“Uhh,” Zizhen says, peering down at his fancy watch. It’s brand new, and it’s tracking all their statistics. “Point six miles.”
Jingyi and Jin Ling groan in unison. At least Jin Ling isn’t alone in dreading the distance.
“And we have to do, what, five miles?” Jingyi asks.
“Four point eight,” Zizhen corrects. “Eighteen hundred foot elevation. I think we’re climbing a mountain.”
Jingyi and Jin Ling groan again.
Sizhui just laughs at them. “It’ll be good for you! And it’ll be fun.”
“I can’t believe I let you drag me into this,” Jingyi says, but he hikes up his backpack and joins Sizhui and Zizhen on the trail.
“Come on,” Jin Ling mutters, pulling Fairy from the creek. She bounds forward, thrilled to be outdoors, and retakes her position as party leader. Following her down the trail, the four boys keep hiking.
Sizhui forces them all to take frequent water breaks, which Jin Ling is grateful for, and Fairy is not. Zizhen keeps reading out their mile position: point nine, one point four, two point two. They’ve started doing switchbacks, now. Zizhen is excitedly making shortcuts, and Sizhui is keeping to the trail like a good boy. Jin Ling is following Zizhen until he almost slips and comes far too close to cracking his skull on a rock. Then, he resolutely stays at Sizhui’s side.
It only takes them two or so hours to reach a lake.
“Oh, fuck,” Jingyi says, out of breath. “Are we here?”
“Hmm…” Sizhui mutters, consulting his map. “No, this isn’t the right lake.”
“What the fuck do you mean, not the right lake?” Jingyi challenges, leaning heavily against a tree. “It’s a lake. We’re hiking to a lake. That right there is a lake.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t look right,” Zizhen counters, tilting his head as he peers at the lake through the trees.
“It looks like a fucking lake!” Jingyi insists.
“No, yeah, this is Alpine Lake,” Sizhui announces as he consults his map. “We’re hiking to Sawtooth Lake. This one is just on the way there. See, the path continues that way.” He points at a path Jin Ling had previously not noticed, which continues its switchbacks up a large hill.
Jin Ling pours some water out into a little dish for Fairy to drink as he pets her fur. “Ugh. A lake is a lake. Can’t we just call it here? How much farther is the other lake?”
“It’s another mile or so,” Zizhen says. “Supposedly it has a lot of elevation gain. It’s the hardest part of the trail.”
Jingyi sits down on the trail, his legs splayed out. “What the fuck.”
“Well, we could stop here for a bit,” Sizhui offers. “We have all day to do the other mile. Zizhen, do you want to fish here?”
Zizhen visibly brightens even more at the prospect of fishing. “Yes! We should do that. I’ve heard there's good cutthroat trout.”
“Okay, great,” Jingyi says, standing up and brushing the dust from his pants. “Zizhen can fish for our dinner while I eat my sandwich.”
Jin Ling nods. He’s getting hungry, too, and his bento box is waiting for him.
Zizhen tightens his hold on his fishing pole in his hand, then leads them down the trail towards Alpine Lake. Fairy takes her place at his side, tail high with excitement, pulling impatiently at her leash. It’s not far until they arrive at the water’s edge, where Jingyi promptly collapses onto a rock and starts rooting through his backpack for his sandwich. Jin Ling would prefer to join him, but Fairy wants to lick the lake water, and Jin Ling is struggling to keep her at bay. (“No, Fairy, that’s still water, there’s bacteria—!” He tries, but she doesn’t listen (because she’s a dog)).
He eventually gets her under control, pouring some safe-to-drink water into her little dish (which she promptly ignores). Jin Ling joins Jingyi on his rock, watching Sizhui examine the lake with serenity and Zizhen struggle to bait his hook.
“Y’know,” Jingyi starts, taking a large bite of his sandwich, “It’s kinda nice out here.”
“Well, yeah, that’s the point,” Jin Ling answers, finding his bento box in his backpack. Fairy’s nose twitches, and he finds a dog treat for her as well.
Jingyi’s shoe scuffs the dirt. “Well. I guess so. I dunno. I thought I’d hate it.”
Jin Ling raises an eyebrow. “You don’t?”
Jingyi shoots him a look. “Did you expect me to?”
Jin Ling scoffs. “Yeah. You just said you expected to too, so don’t look at me like that.”
“To too,” Jingyi repeats.
“Shut up. I hate you.”
Jingyi cackles. “Eat your lunch, dipshit. Sizhui doesn’t want you to starve.”
Jin Ling scowls, but he does take a bite of his lunch. The two fall into silence, but Jin Ling can’t help thinking that their conversation was unsatisfactory. What had Jingyi been trying to get at? Ugh. Jin Ling sucks at analyzing conversations. Sizhui could’ve probably understood everything, and he wouldn’t have misspoken and shut the whole conversation off. Sizhui and Jingyi have known each other for years … they only hang out with Jin Ling because he was alone in Freshman year, and Sizhui’s dad had recently gotten engaged to Jin Ling’s Dajiu. Then they’d met Zizhen last year, and he’d taken to the friend group like a fish to water (a simile Zizhen had originally stated).
Jin Ling had always been the outsider. The younger friend. The one who cries easily, and gets pissy, and really sucks at apologizing. Why do they still hang out with Jin Ling? Probably out of pity.
They’re probably looking forward to college; they won’t have Jin Ling following after them everywhere like a lost puppy.
Jingyi finishes his sandwich. Zizhen casts his line. Sizhui takes his shoes off and puts his feet in the water. Jin Ling just chews, staring into nothing as his thoughts continue to spiral.
“Hey, Sizhui! Can I take a look at your map?” Jingyi asks, standing from the rock with a stretch.
“Mn,” Sizhui says, pulling it from his backpack. “Here.”
He tosses it, and it flutters to the ground, but Jingyi snatches it up and rejoins Jin Ling on the rock. “Hm,” he says, turning the map. “Which lake are we at?”
Jin Ling shrugs. “Sawtooth, I think. I dunno.”
“Like the mountains,” Jingyi mutters, finding Sawtooth Lake on the map, where it’s nestled amongst the Sawtooth Mountains.
“Like the mountains,” Jin Ling repeats.
“Look, look,” Jingyi says, pushing the map into Jin Ling’s hands. “Right there, next to this lake, there’s a smaller one — Little Sawtooth Lake. I didn’t see it when we walked through, but the path goes right by it. Wanna go find it?”
Jin Ling shrugs. “Not really.”
“Aw, come on!” Jingyi insists. “Don’t you want to find this mysterious missing lake?”
Jin Ling sighs. “My feet hurt, Jingyi. Give me some time to recover from this hike before you drag me on another. Besides — I thought you didn’t like hiking.”
Jingyi shrugs, turning his gaze back to the map. “I dunno. It’s not bad.”
Jin Ling narrows his eyes at his friend. “You like it, don’t you? Why are you pretending otherwise?”
Jingyi snaps the map shut and abruptly stands. “I am not! Shut the fuck up. Go rest your feet. I’ll give you some damn space.”
And with that, Jingyi is storming off into the trees. Jin Ling is left alone on the rock, wondering what the hell had just happened. Why is Jingyi so defensive? What did Jin Ling do to make him so mad?
“Ah, Jingyi?” Sizhui calls, noticing his friend leaving.
“I’m pissing, Sizhui, don’t follow me,” Jingyi calls back.
“Oh, okay,” Sizhui says. “Make sure you’re at least one hundred feet from the water, and don’t forget to dig a hole, and—”
“Sizhui! Shut up! I know!” Jingyi shouts back, before disappearing fully from view.
Sizhui frowns, fidgeting with his shoelaces.
Zizhen rests his fishing pole on the ground. “What’s his problem?”
“I don’t know,” Sizhui answers truthfully. “Jin Ling?”
Jin Ling sticks his hands out defensively. “I didn’t do anything! Don't accuse me of anything!”
Zizhen turns to level his eyes at him. “What’s your problem?”
“Guys,” Sizhui interrupts. He looks like he wants to stand, but his feet are still wet. “Let’s calm down. Jin Ling, I wasn’t trying to accuse you. I just want to know if you might have an idea why Jingyi is upset. And, it appears that you’re upset as well, so Zizhen wants to know why that is. We’re not mad at you.”
Jin Ling glares at his lap, feeling his face heat up. Sizhui is always calm, and it never fails to make Jin Ling feel like a dick. “I’m not upset,” he mumbles.
There’s the sound of moving water and shifting dirt, and then Sizhui is joining Jin Ling on the rock. His shoes are untied. “Are you sure?” He presses softly.
Jin Ling refuses to meet his eye. “I’m not upset.”
“Mn,” Sizhui says, then falls silent.
Jin Ling fidgets with his shirt. “...How was the water?”
Sizhui shrugs. “Cold. I saw a fish jump.”
“How much do you wanna bet Zizhen’s gonna catch anything?” Jin Ling asks.
Sizhui laughs softly. “Not much. And what he does catch probably won’t be big enough to eat.”
Jin Ling finds himself laughing at that. As talented as Sizhui is at making Jin Ling feel awful about himself, he is still a kind friend. Besides, if Jin Ling feels awful because of Sizhui acting kind, then that’s not Sizhui’s problem — that’s Jin Ling’s. At least Jin Ling is smart enough to recognize that.
Jingyi returns from the trees. He pats Zizhen on the shoulder, who cringes, saying, “Ugh, wash your hands first.”
“Fine, fine,” Jingyi sighs, and Sizhui dutifully hands him a small bottle of hand sanitizer. Jingyi looks mildly less upset, but he won’t meet Jin Ling’s eyes.
Sizhui stuffs the hand sanitizer back into his bag, leaning over to Jin Ling and whispering, “Talk to him.” Then, he stands, moving to ask Zizhen about his fishing.
“Hey. Jingyi,” Jin Ling says bravely, capturing the boy’s attention. “Show me the map again?”
Jingyi sniffs, but he retrieves the map and hands it over. Jin Ling quickly finds Sawtooth Lake, then Little Sawtooth Lake. “Okay, it doesn’t look far. We’ll probably find it pretty quickly.”
Jingyi’s face snaps up. “You’ll go with me?”
“‘Course,” Jin Ling says. “Mysterious Lake, and all. It’s probably, like, hidden epic-ly in a cave or something.”
Jingyi laughs. “It is not, you idiot.”
Jin Ling shrugs. “We won’t know until we find it.”
Jingyi turns, shouting, “Hey, Sizhui! Jin Ling and I are gonna go find this small lake nearby.”
Sizhui looks back at them. He smiles widely upon seeing Jin Ling and Jingyi’s argument forgotten. “Alright. Be back in, uh, an hour?”
“Okay,” Jingyi agrees. “I’m leaving my stuff here. Don’t let the chipmunks eat anything. Jin Ling, are you leaving your stuff too?"
Jin Ling nods, dropping his backpack next to Jingyi's.
“Alright,” Sizhui says. “Be safe. Are you taking the map with you?”
“Nah,” Jingyi says, tossing it over. “You can take it. Jin Ling and I’ll be fine.”
“And Fairy,” Jin Ling adds.
“And Fairy,” Jingyi amends. He turns back to Jin Ling. “Okay! It’s, uh, that way?” He points off vaguely into the trees.
Jin Ling frowns. “I thought it was that way,” he says, pointing elsewhere.
“Hmm,” Jingyi mutters. “Well, let’s cut it and go that way,” he suggests, pointing exactly between their previous areas.
Jin Ling shrugs. “Works for me.”
He hears Sizhui sigh exasperatedly, and then Jingyi is picking his way through the trees, Jin Ling following him. There isn’t a path that they’re following, so branches and rocks keep getting in the way. At one point, Jingyi lets go of a branch, and it swings back to whack Jin Ling in the face.
The ground starts to slope downward. Jin Ling isn’t looking forward to climbing back up.
They’re maybe ten minutes in when Jingyi stops, his hands on his hips. “Maybe we went the wrong direction,” he says. “We should’ve found it by now. It wasn’t far on the map.”
“Well, I told you which direction we should’ve gone,” Jin Ling argues. “No wonder we haven’t found it.”
Jingyi huffs. “Well, which direction was it, young mistress?”
“Don’t call me that,” Jin Ling orders. “And, uh.” He pauses. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
Jin Ling’s shoulders hitch upwards and he feels his face redden. “No! I don’t! I lost track when you started romping through the trees like a giant bear!”
Jingyi throws his hands up. “Well, should we turn back?”
“No,” Jin Ling responds. “I still want to find the lake.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jingyi sighs. “I think we should just pick a direction. Right?”
“No, left,” Jin Ling says, just to fuck with him.
“Okay, fine. Left,” Jingyi acquiesces. Turning left, the two boys continue on. Jingyi finds an untouched patch of huckleberries, so they stop for half an hour to pick.
When their fingers are thoroughly stained purple and Jingyi’s previously-empty water bottle is filled with berries, they continue on.
And on.
With no lake in sight.
“Um, Jingyi,” Jin Ling eventually ventures, pausing. He’s been getting increasingly concerned. “Do you know where we are?”
Jingyi stops as well. “Ah. Um. Maybe?”
Jin Ling turns, examining their surroundings — trees and rocks. He can’t even see mountains anymore because the trees are so thick. Back at the lake, they’d been surrounded by towering peaks and jagged edges, aptly named The Sawtooths. Here, Jin Ling can’t see a single summit. “...Maybe?” Jin Ling repeats, turning to level a glare at his friend. “I sure fucking hope it’s better than ‘maybe’.”
Jingyi’s eyes widen. Jin Ling notices that he almost looks afraid. “I don’t. Um. I don’t know. Where we are.”
Jin Ling forces himself to take a deep breath. He can feel anger crawl up his throat, itching at his teeth. Beside him, Fairy starts to whine. “Jingyi. Jingyi. What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?”
“Hey, hey!” Jingyi starts. “Let’s just turn back the way we came, okay? It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. We didn’t go far. It’s only been, what, an hour?”
“An hour?” Jin Ling repeats. “We promised Sizhui we’d be back at the lake in an hour! Do you realize how far we can walk in an hour? Two miles, Jingyi. Two miles.”
Fairy lets out a sudden bark. Jingyi huffs. “Well, we did spend a while picking berries—”
“Jingyi, we are lost—”
“Jin Ling!” Jingyi interrupts. “I know! I fucking know! Please don’t rub my mistakes in my face, asshole. If we focus, we can work our way back.”
Oh god. Jingyi is panicking. If Jingyi panics, then Jin Ling is going to panic, and then neither of them will be able to find their way back to Sizhui and Zizhen, and then they’ll get even more lost, and then they’ll die—
“Jin Ling!” Jingyi shouts. “Stop panicking!”
“I can’t just stop,” Jin Ling shouts back. Beside him, Fairy is growling. “You’ve gotten us lost in the middle of fucking nowhere, you dumb fuck, and now we’re going to starve out here and fucking die!”
There is the sound of a soft brush of a tree branch. Jin Ling instantly falls silent. Somehow, his heart starts to pound even faster. He has an awful, awful feeling about this.
“Hello?” Jingyi calls, looking over Jin Ling’s shoulder. “Excuse us, we’re actually lost, and if you could — holy shit is that a fucking cougar—”
As Jingyi starts to back away, Jin Ling whips around, spying a pair of threatening eyes peering through the trees — locked directly onto Jin Ling.
Jin Ling’s blood stops. He stands still, petrified. The cougar stalks forward, silently gliding across the forest floor. Its eyes narrow at Jin Ling, and then, it moves its gaze to Fairy.
“Jin Ling,” Jingyi whispers, and his voice is utterly petrified. “What— what do we do?”
Jin Ling copies Jingyi, taking steps back, and Fairy’s leash pulls taut. She stands guard in front of them, growling bravely at the cougar, which has set its sights on her. “I don’t know,” Jin Ling whispers back, and his voice is thin, thinner than it's ever been before.
“Is it like a bear?” Jingyi asks. His hand closes around Jin Ling’s wrist, keeping him nearby. “Should we try to scare it off?”
Jin Ling is just about to protest this horrible plan when Fairy lets out a bark, and, for a second, the cougar falters.
Jin Ling tightens his hold on Fairy’s leash. Jingyi exchanges a look with him, his eyes wide with terror, before turning his gaze back to the cougar and shouting “Hey!”
Once again, the cougar pauses, its piercing eyes moving to Jingyi. His breath hitches, and then he’s shouting again. “Hey! Get the fuck away from us! Leave us alone! I’m not tasty!”
“Jingyi,” Jin Ling breathes. This idiot is going to get them both killed—
The cougar does not immediately jump to eat them; it instead pulls back, eying Jingyi nervously. Between Fairy's incessant barking and Jingyi's shouts, the cougar is looking like it's starting to think the three of them are less of an easy dinner.
Seeing this, Jin Ling joins them, shouting, "Yeah! Get away, you big awful cat!" He starts waving his arms wildly, hoping to appear larger. That's what you do when you encounter bears, right? Surely a cougar is much the same?
Jingyi has started changing tactics. "Need a human to feed you, you little house cat? You little pathetic baby? Go fend for yourself, bitch!"
Jin Ling tries to ignore him, shouting his own insults at the cougar. Fairy's barking seems to be the strongest deterrent, though. Eventually, with a quick blink of the cougar's eyes, it's muscles twitching, it turns around fully and sprints away into the trees.
Fairy continues to growl as it leaves. Once it's out of sight, Jin Ling finds himself breathing deeply, terror racing through his veins. He lowers his arms, realizing that they're shaking.
"Oh fuck," Jingyi breathes, and Jin Ling turns to see him looking similarly spooked. "Oh my god. We almost just died. Oh my god. What the fuck."
"Jingyi," Jin Ling manages, and he grips tightly to Jingyi's elbow to steady himself. He suddenly feels like he might just topple over.
"Holy shit, holy shit," Jingyi is continuing, and his eyes are widening enough that he looks on the verge of tears. "Jin Ling, are you okay? Jin Ling?"
"Fine…" Jin Ling whispers, the words seemingly catching behind a net of terror in his throat. He pulls lightly on Fairy's leash, and she joins the two, her hackles still raised in defense.
Jin Ling lowers himself to the ground, sitting against a tree trunk. He buries his fingers in Fairy's soft fur, trying to ground himself. It doesn't work. What if they'd died? What if Sizhui and Zizhen had gone looking for them and found their half-eaten bodies? Jiujiu wouldn't survive it. He would have to plan Jin Ling's funeral. Oh god. What if Fairy had gotten eaten? Jin Ling would have been inconsolable, and Jiujiu still would have had to plan a funeral. What if Jingyi had gotten eaten, and Jin Ling had to watch? Oh god. Oh god. This is the worst vacation he's ever done. He wants to be home so badly. He wants Jiujiu threaten him, then pull him into one of his strong hugs and make spicy congee and bury him in blankets and watch a sad dog movie with him that would make both of them cry at the end—
"Jin Ling, we have to go," Jingyi pleads, gripping Jin Ling's shoulder. "What if— what if it comes back?"
Jin Ling's heart stutters. Oh god. What if it does come back? He glances up at Jingyi, seeing his terror mirrored on his friend's face. "Should we go back to Sizhui and Zizhen?" Jin Ling asks, his voice small. He feels so helpless, so young like this.
Jingyi nods, once, and shakily pulls Jin Ling to his feet. Jin Ling's knees buckle, and Jingyi hurries to catch him, hands on his elbows to hold him. They're both shaking wildly, streaks of fear running down every nerve. "Let's just go," Jingyi says, sending a fearful look over his shoulder. Every rustle of a tree branch or squawk of a bird makes him flinch. "We'll find Sizhui and Zizhen later, okay? We'll be fine. It's fine."
"Okay," Jin Ling repeats. He winds Fairy's leash over his wrist several times, shortening the length to keep her close.
Jingyi's jaw tenses, and he makes fierce eye contact with Jin Ling. Then, without warning, he's grabbing Jin Ling's hand and running off.
The three of them tear through the bushes, pushing past outstretching tree branches. Jin Ling allows Fairy's leash some more space, worried that she'll injure herself. Jingyi's breathing is ragged as he leads, darting around trees and rocks.
They run. Jin Ling doesn't know which direction they go, or if it's the right direction at all. He hopes Jingyi knows. They can't afford to get lost further than they already are.
Jingyi's grip on Jin Ling's hand is tight. He's pulling him forward, and it makes Jin Ling stumble. A broken tree branch grazes Jin Ling's arm, and he hisses. Blood wells up in the wound. They continue running.
Jingyi yelps suddenly, trying to scramble to a stop. The ground slopes down harshly in front of them, rocks and fallen trees littering the dirt dangerously. With one hand holding Fairy's leash, Jin Ling uses the other to brace himself against a tree, only realizing his mistake just after it's too late. He's let go of Jingyi's hand, and now, with no one to save him, Jingyi stumbles. And falls.
Horrified, Jin Ling watches as Jingyi rolls down the hill, getting scratched by tree branches and scraped by rocks. Jingyi's ankle hits roughly against a large stone, and an audible crack sounds through the trees. Jin Ling winces, squeezing his eyes shut.
The sounds of rolling stop, replaced by Jingyi's pained groan. Jin Ling forces his eyes open, wincing at the sight of Jingyi lying halfway down the hill, caught against a fallen log. Small cuts and fresh red bruises litter every inch of exposed skin.
"Jingyi?" Jin Ling ventures, holding tightly to the tree.
"Ough, fuck," Jingyi hisses, and his breathing is awfully ragged. "Jin Ling, help me. I— I can't— oh fuck, augh—"
"Jingyi?" Jin Ling repeats. He places a cautious step forward, slowly inching down the hill. "I'm coming down."
"Jin Ling, Jin Ling," Jingyi says, and his voice sounds vaguely hysterical. "I can't— my foot, Jin Ling, I can't—"
Jin Ling shifts his gaze, and sucks in a sharp breath. Jingyi's right foot is twisted at a horrible angle, his shoe jutting out in a way it definitely shouldn't. Oh god. So that's what the cracking noise had been. Jin Ling was hoping it had been a tree branch, but…
Jingyi's foot is most definitely broken. And Jin Ling has no fucking clue what to do.
Fairy whines, pulling at her leash, trying to get to Jingyi. The noises she and him are making are surprisingly similar, Jin Ling thinks somewhat hysterically. With extremely careful footsteps, Jin Ling ventures down the hill, avoiding the same rocks and bushes Jingyi had so eloquently slammed against.
"Jin Ling, Jin Ling," Jingyi continues, watching with wide eyes as Jin Ling approaches. His face is wide with fear.
Jin Ling squats down next to where Jingyi lies, trying to come up with a plan of what to do, but absolutely nothing comes to mind.
Jingyi is repeating Jin Ling's name, terror evident on his face. "It hurts, gah, fuck, goddamn. Help me— help me up?"
Jin Ling sniffs, but he grabs hold of Jingyi's shoulders and helps him sit up. It's a bit awkward, seeing as they're still on a hill and a giant fallen log is right next to him, but Jingyi braces himself against it and struggles into a sitting position. Only, when the movement jostles his ankle, a horrible whine escapes his throat, and Jin Ling's stomach clenches.
Then, to Jin Ling's horror, a tear rolls down Jingyi's cheek.
Jin Ling pauses. He's never seen Jingyi cry before.
Jingyi never cries. He's always comforting Jin Ling, of course, and sometimes Sizhui or Zizhen, but Jingyi has always been the steady glue holding everyone together. He always knows exactly what to say, exactly what joke to crack, and exactly when nothing needs to be said at all. He's never been fragile. He's always the one they all can rely on.
But today? Today, Jingyi has fallen. And Jin Ling doesn't know how to mend him.
"I'm sorry," Jin Ling whispers, because he doesn't know what else to say.
"That's such— bullshit, and you know it," Jingyi mumbles, but the force of his insult is lessened by the shake in his voice.
Jin Ling bites his lip, looking away. He takes a moment to breath, steeling himself. "Ah, Jingyi," he says, keeping a steady hand on his friend's shoulder. "Did you hit your head?" Jin Ling knows that concussions are bad (Zizhen had gotten one after a bad biking accident once), but he truly doesn't know what to do if someone has one. He hopes Jingyi says no.
"Mmm," Jingyi struggles. "Ah. Mm. No, I— uh, don't think so."
"Okay. Okay, good," Jin Ling says, relieved. "How, um. How bad is your foot?"
Jingyi winces, his breath hitching. "Pretty fucking— awful, ah, mmhhh, fuck."
"Okay, okay," Jin Ling repeats to himself, despite everything being very much not okay. His hands hover uselessly over Jingyi's body, shaking in their lack of helpfulness. "Are you bleeding anywhere? I mean— are you bleeding badly anywhere?" As far as Jin Ling can see, Jingyi only has small cuts and scrapes, none of which need to be staunched immediately.
"No, I— no, no," Jingyi manages. "Just the. Mnhh. The foot."
Jin Ling bites his lip. "Sizhui has the first aid kit."
Jingyi sighs. "Of course— course he does. And he's. Ah. He's not here."
Jin Ling tries not to stare at Jingyi's broken foot, but his other option is to look at Jingyi's tear-streaked face, which is not better. He settles his eyes on Jingyi's hand, which is gripping the nearby log with such force that his knuckles have turned white. He must be in a lot of pain…
Jin Ling feels awful. He has literally no clue what to do. They're god-knows how far away from civilization, and the only competent person here has a fucking broken foot. Never before has he wished for Sizhui's presence so badly. He'd even settle for Jiujiu right now, who would probably wrap Jin Ling up in his warm arms and help Jingyi in a moment's notice.
Instead, Jin Ling — the youngest and stupidest of his friend group — is stuck alone in the woods with Jingyi. An injured Jingyi.
The responsibilities fall solely on his shoulders. And he's terrified.
Jingyi sniffs, wiping at his face with the back of his hand. "They— they'll find us, right? Sizhui and Zizhen?"
Jin Ling sits beside his friend, feeling useless. "Yeah. 'Course they will. Sizhui and Zizhen are the smartest people we know."
Jingyi fidgets with some loose dirt. Another fat tear rolls down his cheek, and he quickly swipes it away. "They've probably. Gotten help. There's probably a whole team out searching for us. We're missing people, Jin Ling. There'll be news stories about us and everything."
Jin Ling hopes those news stories will be about their heroic rescue, rather than their decaying corpses. He doesn't say this.
"They're probably worried sick," Jingyi continues. "Sizhui and Zizhen. And your Jiujiu, too, probably. If he knows. Which he probably does."
Jin Ling flinches. The last thing he wants to do is worry Jiujiu, especially if he's gone missing. He's heard the rumors about Dajiu's past, after all. Jiujiu never talks about it, and Jin Ling never asks, but he knows that after Jin Ling's mother died, Dajiu had run away for years, letting Jiujiu think him dead.
Jiujiu has never really gotten over that.
This, here, with Jin Ling being missing, would destroy him.
"Oh, Jin Ling, I'm sorry," Jingyi says, and it's then that Jin Ling realizes he's crying, too.
Instantly, he feels guilty. What reason does he have to cry? He's not the one with a broken foot. He's supposed to be the one in charge, the one with responsibilities, now that Jingyi is injured. What is he doing, wasting time with his emotions?
Jin Ling just always, always, has to fuck things up.
And he always has to cry about it.
Jin Ling scrubs his face with his hands, trying desperately to staunch the flow of tears. It doesn't work.
There's a touch at his hand, and Jin Ling realizes that Jingyi has moved to take it in his own grasp, offering what little comfort he can in his state. It just makes him cry harder. What could he have possibly done to deserve such perfect friends?
"I'm sorry," Jin Ling chokes out, bowing his head, gripping tightly to Jingyi's hand. Try as he might, he just cannot seem to stop crying.
There, lost in the middle of a forest, high in the mountains, alone and injured, Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi cry together.
It doesn't last long. Jingyi tries to reach forward to wipe at Jin Ling's tears, but it jostles his ankle, and he hisses in pain. Jin Ling snaps his head up. "You shouldn't move—"
"Ah, I'm fine," Jingyi manages, his face twisting. "We should, um. Stop crying." He sniffs. "We don't have any water. Unless— do you have more water?"
Jin Ling shakes his head. "Sorry. I left everything back with Sizhui and Zizhen."
Jingyi sighs, running at hand through his hair. "That's fine. We're fine. Well, um. We have huckleberries! If we, um. Need them." He shakes his bottle of berries, clearly trying to lighten the mood. It fails.
Jin Ling tries not to think about needing them, but it's inevitable. They're lost in the woods, with no water, and their only food source is a couple handfuls of tiny berries. There's absolutely no way they'll be found before they run out.
"Hey, Jin Ling," Jingyi says, interrupting his thoughts. "We'll be fine, yeah? They'll find us. Those investigators, it's their job to find lost idiot teenagers. They're experts at it. They'll find us in no time."
"Yeah, okay…" Jin Ling says, trying to believe it.
Fairy whines, nuzzling at Jingyi's neck. Her eyes dart to Jin Ling, and he suddenly has an idea.
Dogs are smart, right? And they're good at smelling things. Dogs are used all the time to find missing people. Surely, surely Fairy could help them, right?
"Hey, Jingyi," Jin Ling ventures, sitting up straighter. "Do you think Fairy could find her way back to Sizhui and Zizhen, then lead them back to us?"
Jingyi's face visibly brightens. "Can she do that? Does she know how to do that?"
Jin Ling shrugs, but he stares intently into Fairy's eyes. "I don't know. But, it's worth a shot, right?"
"Yeah," Jingyi says. "Yeah, yes, it's worth a shot! Anything to get us the hell out of these woods."
"Okay, then, I—" Jin Ling stops. What if— what if the cougar finds her? They wouldn't be able to protect her. What if she gets lost? Dogs are much less important to police than humans are. She'd be a lost cause. Jin Ling would never see her again. He can't— he can't risk that.
"Jin Ling?" Jingyi prompts.
Jin Ling shivers. "I— I can't."
Jingyi seems to understand exactly what's plaguing him. "Jin Ling. Jin Ling. I know. God, I know. But, please. Jin Ling, I am begging you. She's our only shot."
Jin Ling feels a shiver run down his spine, and he meets Jingyi's gaze. His friend's eyes are so fearful, so pained. He truly is begging. It's the worst thing Jin Ling has ever seen.
There's only one way to take that expression from Jingyi's face. And, though it makes Jin Ling feel all gross and horrible inside, he can't deny that Jingyi's and his own lives are more important to him than Fairy's.
He feels disgusting. He feels like he's betraying his closest friend. But, well. The only other decision would do the same.
He turns to Fairy, burring his fingers in her soft fur. Her perfect, wonderful, incredible fur, the fur that he has found comfort in every day of his life. He unclips her leash. He stares into her eyes. "Fairy. I need you to help us. Find Sizhui and Zizhen. Okay? Sizhui. Zizhen. Go on, girl, I know you can. You're so smart, my puppy, so smart. I love you. Fairy? I love you. Come back to me. Bring us home, okay? Fairy. Fairy. I love you."
With a soft shove, he urges her away. And she goes.
Jin Ling had thought himself too exhausted, to dehydrated to cry, but his body keeps surprising him. He and Jingyi sit there a moment longer, feeling suddenly so much more alone.
"Jin Ling?" Jingyi eventually says. "Jin Ling, I'm sorry."
Jin Ling sniffs. "I know. Me too."
Jin Ling already misses her. He hopes dearly that she stays safe.
They sit there for a while longer, until Jingyi starts fidgeting, unsuccessful in staying still. "Ah, Jin Ling, can you help me move over a little bit? I, um. This log isn't exactly, well, comfortable."
"Right, yeah, okay," Jin Ling agrees, quickly standing, brushing dirt from his knees. "Um. Up the hill?"
Jingyi winces. "I don't think I can get up the hill. Not with my foot like this."
Jin Ling chews on his lip, turning to examine their surroundings. There, not to far away, is a somewhat flat-looking rock. Now, if only Jin Ling could get Jingyi over there…
Jingyi sees where Jin Ling's eyes are looking. "Ah, maybe the dirt isn't so bad…"
"No, we should get you more comfortable," Jin Ling protests, wiping the last of his tears away and determinedly not focusing on Fairy's absence. "It's gonna be a long night."
"Ah, Jin Ling?" Jingyi prompts, looking up at him. His expression is still pained. "What, exactly, are we gonna do when night falls?"
Jin Ling shrugs, turning his sights away from the flat-ish rock. "Wait it out, I guess. Come on, I'll help you up. There's a nice patch of dirt over there, yeah? It's not even that steep." He points at the patch of dirt, which is only flat because it's right next to a massive tree. At least that'll provide some shelter…
"Yeah, okay, yeah," Jingyi says, sounding somewhat hesitant. "It's not even that far. I can make it ten feet."
"Mhm," Jin Ling agrees, though he's not feeling particularly confident. "I'm gonna put your arm over my shoulder, and we're gonna hobble over there. Alright?"
"Yeah, yep," Jingyi says, his eyes wide. He offers up his right arm, and Jin Ling squats down to rest it over his shoulders. He's never actually carried someone like this before, but he's seen it in the movies, so it must work, right?
With a bit of awkward teamwork, Jingyi and Jin Ling get standing, Jingyi's broken foot having only gotten mildly bumped and bruised in the process. Slowly, slowly, they make it towards the tree.
Once there, Jingyi collapses against it, gingerly lowering himself back to the ground, his face pinched and his breath ragged. "Fuck. Holy fuck. That was so much harder than it should've been."
Jingyi closes his eyes, leaning back against the tree. Jin Ling sits cross-legged beside him. Useless.
"So, what? We just wait, then?" Jingyi asks without opening his eyes.
Jin Ling props his chin up on his hand, staring dejectedly at the ground. He traces meaningless shapes into the dirt. "I guess so."
So they wait.
And they wait.
The only things Jin Ling hears are the soft rustle of the pine trees and Jingyi's breathing. Jingyi falls into a fitful sleep, dozing against the tree. It's probably not comfortable at all, but Jin Ling doesn't wake him.
The sun moves steadily across the sky, and the shadows grow longer and longer. Hunger starts to build in Jin Ling's stomach, and his eyes keep darting to Jingyi's bottle of huckleberries. Jin Ling doesn't even like huckleberries!
And the thirst. The thirst. Jin Ling doesn't know what he wouldn't do for a cool glass of water.
The temperature drops. Jin Ling starts shivering in his jacket. Jingyi's only wearing a T-shirt — there's no way he's not also cold. Even in sleep, Jin Ling can see that his face is twisted in discomfort, whether from the pain or the cold. Probably both.
Jin Ling debates wandering the forest some more, but he despises the idea of leaving Jingyi alone. What if the cougar comes back, and he's unable to defend himself? What if Jin Ling gets lost, and they're both on their own?
Even so, Jin Ling remembers the creek they'd passed earlier that day. Somewhere, somewhere, this forest has water.
He doesn't move. He'll only look for it if he gets desperate enough. Right now, he's not desperate enough.
Jin Ling moves to sit beside Jingyi, their shoulders brushing, their legs splayed out in front of them. Jin Ling tries not to look at Jingyi's horrible, twisted foot.
The sun vanishes fully behind a mountain, and the temperature continues to drop. With a particularly strong shiver, Jingyi awakens, eyes snapping open. Almost immediately, he hisses in pain. "Fuck, fuck," he whispers. "It wasn't a dream?"
Jin Ling hangs his head. "I'm sorry."
Jingyi whines. "I want to go home." He sounds so young, so childish, and Jin Ling is reminded that Jingyi is not that much older than him. Even though he seems like he has everything figured out, he's only eighteen.
"Me too," Jin Ling says, his voice similarly small.
Jingyi sniffs, but he doesn't start crying again. Maybe his body is also feeling the dehydration. "I'm sorry I dragged us out here. It was stupid. I realized … it wasn't even the right lake. That I was looking at on the map. We weren't at Sawtooth Lake, so we never would have found Little Sawtooth Lake. I'm so stupid! I'm the one who got us stuck in this fucking mess, and now my stupid fucking foot is broken, and I can't walk, and it hurts—"
He meets Jin Ling's eyes. His expression is only fear.
"It hurts, Jin Ling," Jingyi whispers. "It hurts so much."
Jin Ling doesn't know what to do. He takes Jingyi's hand, squeezing tightly. Jingyi turns his head, burying his face in Jin Ling's shoulder, falling silent.
"You're not stupid, Jingyi, and It's not your fault," Jin Ling insists. The guilt and shame have been curdling in his gut for hours, and he hates to think Jingyi doesn't understand who's at fault. "It's mine. I was the one who told you we were at Sawtooth Lake, or whatever. And I let go of you, right before you fell. And— and you went searching for that lake because you had someone to search with, which was me, and if I hadn't been there in the first place— if I hadn't forced you all to be my friends when you didn't want to—"
"Jin Ling," Jingyi interrupts. He's staring at Jin Ling's face intensely, a frown pulling at his lips. "You are so fucking stupid."
"I know—"
"Jin Ling," Jingyi continues. "You are so fucking stupid if you think I don't want to be your friend."
Jin Ling pauses. "What?"
Jingyi keeps staring into his eyes, scowling. "You did not force us to be friend with you, you fucking moron. We all hang out with you because we like you. Not because your weird fucking uncle married Sizhui's dad, or some bullshit, so get that out of your head. And stop trying to convince me that my clumsy accident was somehow not my fault. I know you're just trying to take the blame, and I won't let you! So shut the hell up!"
Jingyi finishes with a huff, staring off into the trees.
"Wait, you…" Jin Ling starts. "You actually like me? Sizhui and Zizhen, too?"
Jingyi gives him an incredulous look. "Would we have invited you on this godforsaken trip if not? Would we have hung out with you for years if not?"
"But, I thought—" Jin Ling starts. "I mean, you're all looking forward to college. And— and you'll never see me again—"
Jingyi scoffs, but he looks like he just might cry again. "I'm dreading college, Jin Ling. It's stupid, and I know it's stupid, but I just want to stay a kid. You get two more years of freedom before all this college-application bullshit kicks your ass." He fidgets with Jin Ling's fingers from where they're entwined with his own. "I know I'll enjoy it, probably. It'll be just a different kind of freedom. But, I don't know. Change is hard."
Jin Ling stays silent. Change is hard.
"I'm gonna miss you, Jin Ling," Jingyi whispers. "Sizhui and Zizhen are gonna miss you, too. And I'm gonna miss Sizhui and Zizhen. And they're gonna miss each other. And you're gonna miss all of them. And— and this whole trip was supposed to be our last hurrah. Now look at us. What if— what if I never get home? What if I never get to go to college? What if I never— never say goodbye?"
He meets Jin Ling's eyes. He's too dehydrated to cry, but Jin Ling imagines he would otherwise. "They'll find us," Jin Ling persuades. "They have to."
"Yeah," Jingyi mutters. "Your uncle will never stop looking."
"And then you'll go off to college," Jin Ling continues. "And you'll get some nerdy degree in— in huckleberries, or whatever, and you'll be perfectly fine. We can, like, meet up sometime, right? Do more adventures like this? Or, well, not like this, but, y'know. Something. Sizhui and Zizhen will probably join. Though, I don't know, Zizhen is going pretty far—"
Jingyi settles his head on Jin Ling's shoulder, wrapping an arm over his elbow. "Let's just stay here for now, yeah? Let's not start planning any more adventures yet. We still have to survive this one."
"Mn," Jin Ling concedes. "Fairy will find us."
"She will," Jingyi agrees. "She's a smart dog."
Jin Ling glances down at his friend. "Are you cold?"
Jingyi grimaces. "Yeah. I'll be fine, though."
"Shut the fuck up," Jin Ling says, shucking off his jacket and laying it across their laps as a crude blanket. The sudden cold air on his unclothed arms makes him shiver.
"Mm," Jingyi murmurs. "Thanks. You're warm."
He snuggles closer to Jin Ling, face shoved into his neck, arms wrapped around his torso. It's not that bad — Jingyi is warm, too, Jin Ling realizes. It's kind of nice.
Jin Ling snakes his arm around Jingyi's back, holding him close, and they lie there in the forest, waiting for rescue.
A wet dog nose presses into Jin Ling's face, and he grimaces. "Ah, Fairy—"
"Oh, good, you're alive," a woman's voice says, shining a flashlight directly into Jin Ling's face, waking him up entirely. "Are you two Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling? Oh wow, that break doesn't look too good."
"Ah, what?" Jin Ling mutters, wiping sleep from his eyes. The woman shines her light away from his face, and he suddenly remembers the exact predicament he's in. "Ah! Yes! That's us. Are you here to rescue us?"
A tongue licks his face, and every weight on his shoulders lifts instantly. "Fairy!"
"That's one smart dog you've got there, kid," the park ranger says, kneeling to examine Jingyi's foot. "She led us right to you."
Jin Ling lets Fairy lick his face to her heart's content, feeling Jingyi shift awake beside him. The park ranger's walkie-talkie comes to life, other people presumably communicating their search. The woman who's found them responds, calling for backup.
"Are we saved?" Jingyi asks, his eyes wide.
The park ranger gives them both a smile. "You two are in good hands, now. We'll get you home safe and sound."
With one hand buried in Fairy's fur and the other gripping tightly to Jingyi's, Jin Ling does, in fact, feel safe.
The park ranger offers them her water bottle, and they drink greedily as more rangers arrive. Jingyi's foot is bandaged, and a stretcher is produced, lifting him so he doesn't have to walk the five miles back to the trailhead. Jin Ling is handed a flashlight and a spare water bottle, following the park rangers back down from the mountains.
Sleep pulls at his eyelids and exhaustion drags at his muscles, but he pushes onward. Sizhui and Zizhen are waiting. Jiujiu is waiting.
The hike passes in a blur. They're both herded into an ambulance and taken to the nearby clinic in town. They quickly determine that Jin Ling has no injuries, so they hand him a granola bar and a blanket and tell him to sit tight in the waiting area. Jingyi is taken away into one of the other rooms. Jin Ling falls asleep almost immediately in the plastic chair, Fairy curled up at his feet.
The clock on the wall tells him it's four AM when Jiujiu reaches the clinic, slamming the doors open, shouting, "Where is Jin Ling?!"
Jin Ling springs to his feet, calling "Jiujiu!" and rushing towards him. He is immediately ensconced in Jiujiu's arms, and all the problems in the world melt away.
"A-Ling," Jiujiu murmurs, holding tightly as Jin Ling buries his face in his chest. "A-Ling, you're okay."
Jiujiu herds him back into the waiting room chairs, pulling Jin Ling back to wipe tears from his face. Jin Ling sniffs, leaning into the touch. "'M sorry, Jiujiu."
"It's fine, A-Ling," Jiujiu chides. "But if you do that again, we'll have two idiot teenagers with broken legs."
Jin Ling laughs, wrapping his arms around Jiujiu once more. He is so glad to see him. "How'd you know to come?"
Jiujiu huffs. "The police called. Woke me up at midnight. I came as soon as I could. I suppose Jingyi's off getting his leg set, hm? Where are those other two idiots?"
Jin Ling shakes his head. "I don't know." A sudden thought overtakes him. "Are they missing, too?"
"Aiya, Jin Ling, don't be stupid," Jiujiu chides. "They were the ones who reported you missing."
"Oh," Jin Ling mutters, but relief calms his racing thoughts.
"They're probably in your little cabin, getting a good night's sleep," Jiujiu says. "Just like you should be." He pulls Jin Ling away far enough to give him a pointed look. "They'll be here in the morning. The clinic is technically closed right now."
Jin Ling smiles sheepishly. The reception desk had been empty, and the only reason Jiujiu had gotten through the front doors is because the park rangers left them unlocked.
Jiujiu takes off his expensive violet coat and helps Jin Ling into it. It's not really his color, but he doesn't mind. Jiujiu settles on the uncomfortable plastic chair, letting Jin Ling lean against him. "Sleep, A-Ling," Jiujiu orders softly, and Jin Ling does.
"JIN LING!"
Jin Ling blinks awake just as Zizhen collides with him, drawing him up into a wide hug. His arms wrap strongly around him, holding tightly as if afraid Jin Ling will go missing again. "Ah— Zizhen—"
"We were so worried!" Zizhen says, pulling away to examine Jin Ling's face. "You and Jingyi just vanished! We thought you were dead! It was horrible!"
Zizhen hugs Jin Ling again, and he reciprocates, wrapping his arms around Zizhen's back. Over his shoulder, Jin Ling can see Sizhui watching the exchange, his eyes wide, hands twitching at his sides. "Hi, Sizhui," Jin Ling says.
"Oh, Jin Ling," Sizhui breathes, and then he's darting forward to join the hug.
Once they pull away, discreetly wiping tears, Jin Ling asks, "So, what happened? What did I miss?"
"You went missing, that's what happened!" Zizhen exclaims, punching Jin Ling's arm lightly.
"We waited an hour, then another thirty minutes or so before we really knew anything was wrong," Sizhui explains, sitting beside Jin Ling. Zizhen takes the other side, and Jin Ling notices that Jiujiu has vacated to the other side of the room, chatting lowly with the receptionist. "Zizhen and I were really panicking. We asked some other hikers if they'd seen you, and they all said no. One of them suggested we report it, and another hiker went all the way back to the trailhead for us. By the time the sun had set, there was a small search party out looking for you. The officer told us to head back to the cabin, just in case something had— had gone wrong. Um, I think they were worried about a bear or something. So we went, and then your uncle called us this morning, and we had to wait until the clinic opened before we could come see you."
"Was there a bear?" Zizhen asks. "And is Jingyi alright? Where is he?"
"Ah, no bear," Jin Ling reports. "But there was a, um, a cougar."
"A cougar?" Sizhui breathes. Jin Ling sees Jiujiu shift his gaze this way, mouth dropping open.
"It was fine!" Jin Ling placates, and Jiujiu hurries over, concern evident on his face. "We scared it off!"
"That's so cool," Zizhen whispers.
"That is not cool!" Jiujiu shouts, pointing at Zizhen. "Jin Ling! A cougar?!"
Jin Ling winces. "Yeah. It ended up being fine. Jingyi had this great idea to scare it off, and it worked. We were fine."
Sizhui's eyebrows furrow. "Then… why is Jingyi in the clinic? What happened?"
Jin Ling fidgets with the edge of Jiujiu's coat, but he repeats the ordeal to them regardless of his shame. They all seem to get increasingly concerned.
"It was smart to send off Fairy," Zizhen mutters, petting Fairy's head. "Especially if she's how they found you."
"Yeah," Jin Ling agrees. "She's the best. I think she deserves a steak after this."
Jiujiu huffs, but he doesn't disagree, and he bends down to pet Fairy anyway. She licks his face, and he lets her.
"When're they gonna be done with Jingyi?" Sizhui asks, glancing down the hallway towards the patient rooms. "Do you think we can visit him?"
Jiujiu stands abruptly, wiping his dog-spit slicked hands on his pants. "I'll ask the receptionist."
They watch him walk off, talking to the same receptionist as before. Their conversation is quick, and soon Jiujiu is returning to them, saying, "They're gonna keep him until his parents show up and they can finalize the paperwork. Otherwise, he's all fixed up."
Sizhui and Zizhen brighten. "Can we go see him?" Sizhui asks.
Jiujiu smirks. "Room three. Come on."
They find the room pretty quickly, and once inside, Sizhui and Zizhen similarly attack Jingyi with hugs, who only winces in pain a little bit. His foot is bandaged with a thick cast, and every inch of exposed skin is covered in purple bruises.
"Ooh, can we write on it?" Zizhen asks, staring at the cast.
"God, yes, please," Jingyi groans dramatically, his head flopping back onto the pillow. "It's so boring and white. Ugh, I wish I had a sharpie on me."
Jiujiu produces a sharpie from one of his many pockets (and it's a purple sharpie, because of course is it) and hands it to Zizhen, who cheerfully uncaps it and starts doodling on Jingyi's cast.
"Are you sure you're okay, Jingyi?" Sizhui presses, sitting beside him on the bed.
"Sizhui, I'm fine," Jingyi stresses, rolling his head to meet Sizhui's gaze. "It's only a small break. Well, not small. It's only a break. At least I still have my foot!"
"Jin Ling says you saw a cougar," Sizhui says, his mouth pinched down in a frown.
"Sizhui, I know you, and I know you're gonna keep worrying," Jingyi says. "But stop! It's done, and Jin Ling and I are safe, so there's no use worrying about it."
"But—" Sizhui says, and he's sniffling, and oh no, he looks on the verge of tears. "We could've lost you."
"Ah— Sizhui," Jingyi starts, and Jin Ling notices that Jiujiu politely slips out of the room.
"Jingyi…" Sizhui murmurs. He wraps Jingyi up in another hug, and Jin Ling looks away, focusing instead on Zizhen's drawing. He's drawn a little fish. It's cute.
"I thought I'd lost you…" Sizhui says, pulling out of the hug. "Both of you. It was so…"
"Ah, Sizhui, you can't get rid of me that easily!" Jingyi protests.
Jin Ling remembers the conversation he and Jingyi had in the forest. Surely what he'd said applies to the other two, right?
"I'm so stupid," Sizhui cries, burying his face in his hands. "This whole trip was my idea! Look where it brought us!"
"Sizhui, no!" Jingyi protests. "It was me—"
"Jingyi!" Jin Ling interrupts. "We talked about this! It was me—"
"Guys, just shut the fuck up!" Zizhen shouts, and they all fall silent, turning to him. "It's no one's fault! It happened, and it sucks that it happened, but none of you are to blame. So can we please stop throwing ourselves under the bus? We're all idiots. Fucking hell."
Sizhui sniffs. "I'm sorry, Zizhen. You're right."
Jin Ling hangs his head. Zizhen is always right, of course.
"Wait, wait, guys," Jingyi says, sitting up straighter. "You all need to tell Jin Ling that you don't hate him."
"What?" Sizhui asks.
"Jingyi!" Jin Ling protests, feeling his face going red.
"Of course we don't hate you, Jin Ling," Sizhui says, confusion spreading across his face. "What is this?"
Jin Ling darts his eyes away. "I't's nothing."
"Jin Ling—" Sizhui presses.
Jin Ling groans then finally admits, "You're all going away to college, and you're leaving me behind."
"Oh, Jin Ling…" Sizhui murmurs. "You know it's not like that."
Of course Jin Ling knows it's not like that, but a day ago he had. "I just— I thought maybe you guys were excited to leave because— because you'd be leaving me. You wouldn't have to talk to me anymore, and you wouldn't have to deal with me following you everywhere. I know I'm not fun to be around."
"Jin Ling—" Sizhui and Zizhen protest simultaneously.
"But!" Jin Ling continues. "Jingyi told me otherwise. So it's fine."
"It is not fine—" Sizhui counters. "Jin Ling, you're one of us! You've always been one of us!"
"If anything…" Zizhen starts, not looking up from where he's picking absent-mindedly at Jingyi's cast. "If anything, I'm the odd one out in the group, right? I mean, I've been here for a fraction of the time as the rest of you. I'm the newest addition."
There's a chorus of protests from the other three at this. Jin Ling balks at him. Zizhen, thinking he's the outsider? That's stupid! Zizhen helps Sizhui stop arguments between Jin Ling and Jingyi, and Zizhen is hilarious, and Zizhen sometimes spends the night at Sizhui's house because his dad is awful, and Zizhen keeps their group together. Zizhen always has advice, and he's always bringing an element of sappy romance that everyone pretends to hate but secretly adore. Zizhen is wonderful.
"Zizhen, it's not you," Sizhui says, patting his shoulder. "We love you."
A shy smile creeps onto Zizhen's face. "Thanks, Sizhui."
"Yeah, it's not you because it's me," Jingyi mutters. "I keep putting us all in danger. Jin Ling's uncle and Sizhui's dad hate me. It's always my stupid ideas, and they always get us in trouble—"
"Jingyi, you stop this instant," Sizhui orders. Jin Ling can't help but agree. There's absolutely no way that Jingyi can be the outsider here. He's been around as long as Sizhui, and they're practically inseparable. There is no Sizhui without Jingyi. Besides, Jingyi always has the best ideas, regardless of danger. Jingyi brings fun, and adventure, and love. Jingyi is always willing to get into a stupid argument with Jin Ling whenever he needs to blow off steam. Jingyi is one of Jin Ling's favorite people. Jingyi is incredible.
"You all are really stupid sometimes," Sizhui says, and he's grabbing Jingyi and Zizhen's hands. "Besides, aren't I the one to always put an end to your dangerous ideas? Aren't I the one to ensure we do our homework, and wear safety helmets, and drink enough water? I'm hardly a fun friend—"
The three of them all collectively protest, creating a cacophony in the small room. Sizhui? Really? Jin Ling can hardly believe it. Sizhui is the reason they're all friends in the first place. Sizhui is certainly the reason they're all still alive. Jin Ling can't wrap his mind around Sizhui thinking himself inadequate, because Sizhui is the most perfect person ever—
Jin Ling startles. "We are all so fucking dumb."
"Huh?" Jingyi asks.
"Don't you hear yourselves?" Jin Ling asks. "We all think we suck, and everyone else disagrees. Do you think, maybe, we don't all fucking suck?"
Jingyi's head falls back and hits the pillow. Zizhen huffs and shakes his head, smiling. Sizhui looks at Jin Ling as if he'd hung the moon. "You're right," he breathes. "We really are stupid."
"See?" Jingyi says, gesturing vaguely in Jin Ling's direction. "This is what we're gonna miss."
Jin Ling ducks his head.
Sizhui smiles sadly. "We're gonna miss you so much, Jin Ling. You guys, I'm gonna miss you all."
"Yeah," Zizhen agrees, looking around amongst them. "I'm going so far. I'll hardly ever get to see you."
"Ugh, guys!" Jingyi protests. "We still have a month of summer. Can we save the dramatic goodbyes?"
They all laugh and agree, and the topic is politely slotted away until later. Even so, Jin Ling suspects he has much to think about, now that he has a new perspective on his friends.
In the meantime, they have a couple hours to kill until Jingyi's parents arrive, and there's nothing stopping them from living the time to its fullest.