Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Walking aimlessly along the sea shore, Akk was staring at his bare feet. With each step he took, they sank softly into the warm sand. The grain clanged into his skin, then fell and drifted away when the sea waves draft and hit his ankles. 

Akk loved the sea breeze early in the morning, right after dawn while the sun was rising. A clean, cool scent mixed with a hint of seaweed filled his nose and awakened his senses. 

The familiar morning wrapped around him like a warm hug. 

Calming and assuring. 

His head had been racing with thoughts. Thoughts about the future. Thoughts about school. Thoughts about his friends. 

 And thoughts about him. Ayan. His boyfriend. 

It was day ten since he left Bangkok and returned back to his hometown, where he could be with his parents. Eating their delicious food he grew up on. Sleeping on his bed and in his room that carried all his childhood. Yet, nothing felt right. 

He missed him. His hand ached to reach out to his phone in his pocket to call him but … he couldn’t. It would mean that Ayan had won again. And he needed to know that this time, Akk was standing firm to what he thought was right.

It was stupid running away after an argument. He knew that. But staying would risk their relationship more.  It might have cost him losing Ayan forever 

But here he was lovesick. A part of him was ashamed, embarrassed for leaving and another part of him told him he did the right thing and if Ayan cared enough he would have called already. 

Which Ayan didn’t. 

He isn’t breaking up with me is he? Akk nudged a small stone with his toe. What if we never talk again? What if this is over? 

What if I ended our relationship? 

“Hey Bigfoot!” 

Akk’s head snapped up. 

That voice. Sweet, teasing and impossible not to recognize. That voice he yearned to hear.

On the sight of him, jogging along the sea shore, Akk couldn’t help but smile as his boyfriend stopped only a few steps away from him. Awfully too far away for his liking but Akk had to remind himself that he was madly sulking and not softening up easily to his beautiful smile, and strong presence. 

“How did you find me?” Akk asked, looking away. 

“It actually wasn’t hard.” Ayan inhaled sharply, catching his breath before taking another step closing the distance between. “Let’s go home.” 

“I am home.” Akk shrugged as he turned around to walk away but before he could take another step, Ayan caught his hand pulling him back. 

“Akk~” Ayan whined as he took both his hands in his own, engulfing them completely. It always made Akk amused by how large Ayan’s hands are despite his small figure. “Is ten days not enough? I stopped myself from coming here since day one. Expecting you to call me again when you calm down but it has been ten days and I cannot wait anymore. I miss you so much.” 

“If you are leaving me,” Akk started, tears welling up at the back of his eyes. Words stuck in his throat like a stone. He didn’t want to cry over this again. “If you are leaving… we might just…” 

Ayan pulled Akk closer, leaving no distance between them but the heat between their bodies. Reached up to his face, Ayan cupped Akk’s face and wiped the hot tears away. “Akk, I will never leave you. We will never break up.” 

“How would you know that?” A sob skipped Akk's throat as he looked at his boyfriend who gave him a soft sad smile. His eyes twinkled with tears too. “You will meet new people. You will eventually forget about me and you might find someone who you find attractive and you will fall in love with them.” 

“It’s just for three months, baby.” Ayan’s eyebrow met in the middle. “We will talk everyday and we will be basically the same. Nothing will change. I will never allow it. I will never break up with you. Unless…”

“Unless…” Akk tilted his head to the side, sniffin.. 

“You want to break up with me.” 

“No! No no no no.” Akk shook his head vigorously. “Never no. Absolutely not. My worst nightmare. No. I don’t want—“ 

Ayan’s lips pressed to his before he could finish. The kiss swallowed his words, stealing the air between them. Akk froze for a heartbeat before closing his eyes and parting his lips, letting Ayan capture the lower one between his own.

Ayan’s hand slid to the back of Akk’s neck, drawing him in, deepening the kiss. The taste of salt, sea and tears, lingered between them. When they finally broke apart, a faint string of breath and saliva connected them before it dissolved into the air. 

Akk’s eyes widened when Ayan ran his tongue over his lips one more time before brushing his lips over his cheek, right below his mole. “Stop thinking about breaking up with me.” Ayan whispered softly. “Let’s work on how we stay strong together. I don’t want to lose you, Akk.” 

“I don’t want to lose you too Ayan.” 

I love you. 

Three letters that could be easily said. But it was engraved deeply in Akk’s heart. “I love you.” 

Chapter Text

Who would have guessed that instead of finding a toy, Tiger would find a locket instead. He was running around, playing with a naughty cat who pushed its toy underneath the old sofa. He had to push the sofa away only to find a treasure of things and one of them was that locket. 

In cases like this, Tiger would put everything in a box and give them to Lynx later to have a look at them. But that locket caught his attention. He once saw it around Meow’s neck. Lynx mom. He’d asked her about it and she answered “it’s my real and only treasure. my whole wealth.” 

At that time Tiger thought she meant that it cost a lot. However, now that the locket is placed inside his palm and he was having a closer look at it. It was heart shaped, made of copper and plated with gold. He could tell by how the metal color faded away. Dust was hanging around the chain indicating the long time it was long lost. 

A frown displayed on his face, Tiger turned around his hand trying to find a way to open it and see what was inside. Tiger wondered how Meow had lost it. He remembered coming one day to her looking everywhere around the shop for it. 

That day was clear in his memory like it happened yesterday cause he remembered moving that sofa before to look underneath it and there was nothing. 

Maybe a cat has found it and started to play with it, pushing it underneath the sofa with all the toys they have lost before. That would explain the scratching found on the metal from how much it was dragged around and being played with like a ping pong ball. 

“What are you doing?” A voice caught his attention, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

Tiger looked up to find Lynx, looking at him like he was a mad man. His eyebrows raised, questioning why Tiger is sitting on the floor after moving his sofa with dust and cat toys surrounding him. Lynx was only a couple of years younger than him but he wasn’t any different from any cat you can find in this cafe. 

He was fierce, independent and knows what he wants. 

Sometimes he pushed you away and sometimes he pulled you in. 

He was exactly Tiger’s type. 

A smile spread over Tiger’s lips as he struggled to stand on his feet. He almost tripped on one of the toys. “Look what I found.” Tiger let go of the locket and it fell hanging in the air as the chain caught on his finger. “I believe it belongs to your mom. She had been looking for it everywhere..” 

“She always lost her things.” Lynx muttered, rolling his eyes. “because of these cats.” 

“Well, I think one of the cats took it and hid it. But your mom said it was her treasure, she was so sad the day she lost it.” Tiger pushed the locket in lynx hand, leaving it in his warm, big hand. “I believe she would be happy that we found it now.” 

A scoff skipped lynx's throat as he turned the locket between his index and finger examining it with his eyes. “Happy? Dead people cannot feel emotions Tiger.” Lynx sighed. ”It looks cheap anyway. If you like it, you can have it.” 

“No.” The smile on Tiger’s face dropped, replaced with a deep frown. He understood that lynx and Meow weren’t close but Meow showed Tiger nothing but love and care. She was a kind and loving woman who took care of everyone, even the debut collector. But the way lynx was talking about his mom started to get on his own nerves. “It’s your own mother lynx. Even if she is dead, her soul is with us. Watching us. And I know her kind heart would have wanted you to have this.” 

“She is a woman who only thinks about herself.” Lynx snapped, pushing the locket in Tiger’s hand. 

Before Lynx could walk away, Tiger took lynx 's hand on his own and pushed the locket in his hand. “This is yours.” 

“And I told you I don’t want anything that has to do with this woman.” Lynx pushed the locket in Tiger’s hand again. 

“You will have it. I am sure she wants you to have it.” 

“Just throw it away, tiger.” Lynx’s voice rose, frustration spilling over. As he shoved the locket into Tiger’s palm again, it snapped open and tumbled to the floor.

Both froze.

Tiger bent to pick up the locket and caught a glimpse of what was inside. A sigh skipped his throat before giving the locket back to Lynx. “I am right. You are her treasure, lynx. It’s not money. It’s not this cafe. It’s not the cats. It’s always you.” 

Lynx stared down at the open locket. His chest tightened, a sharp, unwelcome ache swelling behind his ribs. He had spent years telling himself she never loved him, that she didn’t care , because it was easier than remembering the day he’d walked away, leaving her behind. Easier to hate than to grieve.

Now, the truth stared back at him. On one side was a tiny, worn photograph of himself, pressed into the heart-shaped frame. On the other, a piece of paper in her looping handwriting: My beloved son.

As if she feared one day she might forget.

Tiger bit his lip, stepping back to give him space. Lynx remained rooted to the spot, locket trembling in his hand, his eyes glistening with tears he’d sworn never to shed.

Chapter Text

Love is beautiful but love is also hard. It needs effort, time, emotions and strength. You have to be willing to give just like how you take. Nothing is easy in life, including love. 

And that’s what Akk got to learn after dating Ayan. His one and only boyfriend. His first love and the one who caught him off guard the first day he met at school. The first person who could see through him despite all the walls he made sure to build high, strong and thick around him. 

Hard to break. 

But for Ayan it was easy. 

“If you punch me, I will kiss you.” When Akk heard those exact words from him, chills ran down his spine. Like a lightning had struck him. The hair at the back of his neck became like sharp needles stuck on his skin. 

Rude ! Was the first thing Akk could think of. Better to keep an eye on him. He is trouble. 

And was he trouble? 

The most troublesome person Akk could have ever met. He was getting on his nerves whenever he saw him. He was following him everywhere and called it coincidence. In the morning, Ayan would be sleeping alone in the classroom. After classes, Ayan was lurking around in the swimming pool. 

Ayan was everywhere.

Ayan

Ayan 

Ayan 

The day Akk woke up after dreaming of him, his heart beating so fast like he was running miles, Akk knew he was in trouble. 

The next day when Ayan wasn’t at his desk, Akk’s heart dropped with worry. And without realizing he found himself in front of Ayan’s house knocking on his door. 

“Did you miss me, Bigfoot?” Was the first thing Ayan said when he opened the door. Akk wondered where he could find his strength to flirt when he looked this horrible. His hair was everywhere. His lips were pale and the darkness underneath his eyes could brand him as a panda. 

“Why are you like this?” Akk had asked with a frown over his face. In this situation, anyone's response would be taken back with the question. But for Ayan it was difficult. 

He grinned like he had been complimented before almost losing control and fainting. Akk was fast enough to wrap his arms around his waist catching him. And this was the first time he got to be this close to him. Feel his body heat. To feel his soft skin and smell the shampoo off his hair. 

At this moment, Akk knew he was screwed. The thought that had crossed his mind was insane; he wished he thought of something else. Or never had any thoughts at all. 

But at this moment, Akk swore to protect Ayan. Just to keep seeing the smile on his face.

That’s when Akk learned about love for the first time. How could his perspective change from when he first met Ayan? The boy who got on his nerves just for being close by now couldn't stay a few meters away from him. He felt easier with him. His heart was full and happy. It was safety he found in him. He could be himself. He could cry around him. He could say whatever without being misunderstood. 

He was in love. 

But love wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean everything goes peacefully between them. And Akk learnt about it when Ayan played video games for so long and not spending time with him. 

“Are you bored with me?” Akk asked, tears in his eyes. He just wanted an answer. He wasn’t looking for arguments. He wasn’t accusing. He just wanted to make sure that whatever he felt was just him being sensitive and his doubts were not correct. 

Ayan took his hands in his own, leaving the game controller on the desk. Horror displayed on his face when he saw pain in Akk’s eyes. “No.” he reached out for his face, to wipe off a tear that decided to run free on his cheeks. “I could never be bored of you.” 

“Then why are you spending too much time playing games instead of spending time with me?” Akk asked, his heart feeling heavy with sadness. His throat tightened from the urge to cry. The back of his eyes burnt with tears. “Am I not enough?” 

“No you are enough. You are everything to me” 

“Then why?” 

“Playing games is something I love to do. I know we are together but we also have time for our own. To do things we love. It’s not logical to be together all the time.” Ayan sighed. “That doesn’t take away my love for you. That doesn’t mean I am bored of you.” 

“But I miss you. I feel like we don’t spend enough time together.” 

“You can join me!” Akk smiled. “I will be more than happy to play with you. Doing something that I love with you.” 

“You know I don’t know how to play.”

“I will teach you. If you want to learn.” 

At this moment, Akk learned to compromise. He couldn’t fully own Ayan’s time. But he could join him. Learn something he loved. Doing something he loved for him. Even though Akk sucked a lot and Ayan laughed, and scolded him, he also gave him kisses whenever he played well. 

At this time he could see how grateful Ayan was. That Akk wanted to do something with him, for him. 

However life was crueler. And love was getting harder, especially after spending a lot of time together. Your relationship became a routine that you do like sleeping and eating. Akk was worried because the light in Ayan’s eyes was fading slowly. Getting Heavier by the university work load, along with a part time job, Ayan barely smiled anymore. 

Ayan felt so distanced and in result Akk distanced himself too. He felt like he was losing Ayan slowly and there was nothing he could do about it. They were fighting a lot lately and with each fight it was harder to look each other in the eyes. 

It was his birthday when Akk was waiting for Ayan to come home. But it was already an hour away before midnight, away from the end of his birthday. Akk had been waiting for hours. He didn’t even get a happy birthday message from his boyfriend. 

He knew how busy Ayan could be. He knew he was doing a lot of things but a message won’t hurt! It won’t take him effort to send a message, not even one minute. Just seconds.

Anger was rising up in his chest. Sadness consumed him that he was once again on the side. 

He wanted to cry and scream.

At least his birthday. 

At least his birthday. 

A second passed then the other. Until it was eleven thirty. 

What was the purpose of waiting more than this? Distance was made. 

This was the end. 

He was barely anything to him anymore. 

A tear betrayed him, cascading down his cheeks. He took a deep breath, accepting the fact of an unspoken break up. 

The sound of someone knocking on the door pulled him out of the darkness of his thoughts, and hope illuminated inside his soul. When he opened the door, his mouth dropped in an O shape. His heart clinched inside his chest at the sight in front of him. 

Ayan was carrying a guitar case on his back, probably just got back from one of part time jobs as a singer at the bar. Sweat dampened his hair making it stuck on his forehead. His face was red as if he was running all the way to here. There was a cake in a small box in his hand and a big smile on his face, which slowly disappeared when he noticed how red Akk’s eyes were. 

“Oh my god. You thought I forgot your birthday.” Ayan pushed his way through the open door, not waiting for Akk’s invitation. He dropped his guitar by the door, and the cake on the nearest table before returning to his boyfriend who wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I am so sorry. I swear, I didn’t forget your birthday.” 

“I was waiting for you the whole day.” With each word he spoke it weighted tones on his throat and tongue. He was scared to talk to say what was in his mind. “Not even a text message, what do you want me to think?” 

“You are right.” Guilt. It filled Ayan’s eyes and Akk hated it. He didn’t want to hear sorry. He didn’t want to see his boyfriend feeling like he wasn’t doing enough. 

Akk hated himself for complaining. For making it difficult for them both. “It doesn’t matter. You are here now.” 

“No, it matters.” Ayan said, nodding. “You are right. I don't have any excuse for how I am behaving these days. Work load, or school work shouldn’t come between us. I am sorry.”

“You don’t care anymore.” Akk spoke before thinking. “You used to make me your priority.” 

Ayan nodded, not arguing. “I am sorry.” 

He hated it. He hated the silence. Hated the acceptance. He hated that Ayan wasn’t fighting for them anymore.

“It’s okay. You are here now.” Akk said, looking at the cake sitting on the table. “What flavor did you get?” 

“No, Akk it’s not okay.” Ayan said, turning his boyfriend to look at him. “I am sorry. I mean it. I will try to explain without making it like a lame excuse, but…” 

Akk waited, studying his boyfriend’s face who suddenly wasn’t looking at him. “I have been having thoughts. Thoughts that were haunting me. I close my eyes and I see you leaving me and it breaks my heart. I wake up and I see you and I could breathe again. I am so madly in love with you that I am scared of losing you. 

I am scared our life is too routine now, nothing fun in it anymore. Both of us are busy and we barely see each other… I thought that maybe distance. Could fix this. But I was wrong… it is making you leave me for real.” Ayan bit down on his lips before continuing. “I thought maybe a vacation somewhere just the two of us, away from all the heaviness, was a good way to apologize and celebrate your birthday. I was busy working to get the paycheck and reserve the resort room. I wanted to make you happy, to fix things, not to ruin it more. I am sorry.”

“Why are you like this?” Akk spat, but his voice was gentle, tears falling like rivers. “I cannot even get mad at you. I literally thought you hated me. You don’t love me anymore. You want a life without me.” 

“I know I am sorry.” Ayan nodded. “You can be mad at me, I should have at least texted you. You are right. But I will never hate you Akk. I can never hate you. Life can get hard, but I cannot walk through it alone without you.” 

“I am sorry for being a burden on you.” 

Ayan sighed as he reached to wipe the tears that won’t stop falling. “You are never a burden. You are the best thing in life.” Glancing at the clock on the wall behind Akk, it said 11:50. “Ten more minutes, I don’t think I am so late. Happy birthday my love.”

Ayan pulled him closer, closing the distance between them as their lips locked into a wet kiss, full of tears. Akk smiled into the kiss, before wrapping his hand around Ayan’s head, deepening the kiss, tasting his boyfriend's lips. The familiar taste of them, sending warmth deep in their heart. 

That day Akk learned. Relationships are hard. As long as you both truly want it and work on making it continue. 

Akk learned about love from Ayan. Both of them still have a long journey that both are willing to take.