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Sophomore year had gotten off to a miserable start, but it was going to turn around. Of that, Cersei was certain. She was certain of very many things, and that was one of them.
But for now, it sucked balls. Jaime had new friends, older boys who thought he was the Dragonknight come again because he knew his way around a blunted rapier (as if it was that hard). Jaime’s newfound company meant he had little time for her anymore, which was horrible, because he was one of the only people Cersei could tolerate. Before cheer had started up again, she would sit by the locker room, waiting for him to be done so they could walk home together. Nothing had ever felt so degrading, listening at the door while the boys slapped each other with towels and made crude remarks about girls and enjoyed each other’s company in a way that Cersei would never know. It wasn’t fair. Everything was within reach, the hilt of a rapier, the effortless brotherhood that seemed to follow Jaime wherever he went. It was just beyond the door, and that’s where it would always be. The thought of it made Cersei so sick she wanted to curl into her stomach and cry, but she was better than that.
“I’m gonna be late today.” Jaime said to her one morning at breakfast. “Arthur’s taking the team out for dinner after practice, so. You know. Don’t wait up.”
Cersei flashed him one of her best smiles and imagined repeatedly stabbing forks into Arthur Dayne’s eyes. “Sure, have fun.”
The conversation had put Cersei in a sour mood the rest of the day so when Melara Hetherspoon slid into the spot next to her at lunch with a smirk on her face, Cersei prepared herself for the worst.
“What are you grinning about?” Cersei eyed her suspiciously.
The smirk grew wider, cutting into Melara’s pale cheek. “I know something you don’t.” She said, almost singing. Cersei’s patience was wearing thin. She dug her nails into her palm.
“What? Spit it out, Mel.”
“It’s about you-know-who. ” Melara leaned in even further. A heat came to Cersei’s cheeks, whether from the sudden closeness or from the revelation, she didn’t know.
You-know-who happened to be none other than Rhaegar Targaryen, a senior and the man Cersei was going to marry. She knew how it sounded, putting it that way. As if she were a silly girl with a teenage crush. It wasn’t some far-fetched wish, though. It was fact, another thing she was certain of. She had known it since she was in sixth grade and he was in eighth, and he had taken her to the spring formal. It had been set up by their parents, and at the end of the night, Cersei’s father had whispered into her ear, “Did you enjoy yourself?” Before Cersei could even respond, he continued, “that is going to be the rest of your life.”
Whether Rhaegar knew of this inevitability, Cersei had no idea. He certainly didn’t act like it. He had been going out with a girl named Elia Martell since his sophomore year. Cersei wasn’t worried, though. Elia was in his year, and soon they would be graduated. There was plenty of time. Rhaegar was known to be the dutiful type, no doubt he was just staying with her until the year was over and then they would break up amicably over summer.
“What news?” Cersei asked Melara, expecting the usual rumors of his and Elia’s relationship being on the fritz, which never proved to be the case.
Melara lowered her voice, eyes darting around. “You know how they’re doing Westeros Side Story? For the musical?” Cersei nodded. “And you know how he’s the lead?”
“Yes, of course— for gods’ sake, Melara, get to the point!”
Melara rolled her eyes. “Listen. I know some girls in the show, and they swear they saw him cozying up with the girl playing the other lead backstage. Like, they swear it.”
Oh. Now, this was interesting. Elia Martell did not do theater. “They’re sure it was him?”
“No, it was the other really hot guy in theater with platinum blond hair. Are you stupid? It was him!”
Cersei stifled the urge to slap her friend. “So are you going to tell me her name, or is it gonna take another five million years to pry that information out of you, too?”
“Okay, calm down. ” Mel tossed some hair away from her eye and glanced over her shoulder. “It’s the Stark girl. The one in our grade. You know, the one whose brother’s dating Catelyn Tully? He beat up that kid last year and got banned from prom.” Those last details were entirely unnecessary, but Melara just liked to prove that she knew things about people.
Cersei vaguely knew who Mel was talking about, in fact they might have shared a class. She frowned. “Lyanna. That’s her name, right?”
Mel nodded. “Think so.”
“Right.” Cersei pushed her lunch tray away from her. “Then I have work to do.”
It was easy to find the girl’s locker, and even easier to slip the note inside. All that was left to do was wait and see if the girl would take the bait. That’s how Cersei found herself nursing a caramel milkshake in a diner booth, eyes constantly darting to the door, watching everyone who walked through.
She saw a group of girls sitting at the table next to her. She noticed how their eyes flicked to her, how they hid their giggles behind their menus. She caught the words “stood up” among the things they whispered to each other. Her nostrils flared and she sent one thousand curses upon Lyanna Stark for being late. Or worse, not showing up at all.
Then, when Cersei’s embarrassment had reached its peak, the diner door opened. In walked a girl, shorter than Cersei but not by much. Her straight hair the color of dark wood fell down to the middle of her back unevenly. Her bangs were messy, clearly cut herself, and dyed a color that must have once been red and was now red’s distant cousin. She sported a black leather jacket, fishnets so ripped she needn’t have bothered with tights at all, and black boots. When she came closer, Cersei could see that her eyes— Stark eyes, eyes the color of smooth stones— were framed by jet black liner and red eyeshadow that didn’t match the red in her hair. Her lips, frozen in a playful smirk, were painted a deep purple. When she stopped at the booth, Cersei stood, relishing the few inches she had on the girl. This was Rhaegar’s side piece? She looked like she was still in middle school. Cersei clocked the quickening in her chest as predatory adrenaline.
“Hi,” she said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “Took you long enough.”
By way of responding, the girl produced a piece of paper from her pocket. “‘Meet me at Hot Pie’s after school, let’s chat. Yours truly, A Friend and Admirer.’ I’m guessing you’re the friend?”
Cersei took a deep breath and flashed her the same smile she’d given Jaime this morning. “I could be. Why don’t you sit down?”
“Sure.” The girl— Lyanna— sat and immediately reached for the menu. “You know, if you wanted to hang out, you could have just asked me. We have English together.”
“You didn’t like my note?” Cersei asked, innocently as possible.
“Oh, no I loved it. Writing letters is a lost art. The Strawberry Shortcake stationary was an especially nice touch.”
Cersei flushed red. “It’s not—”
Lyanna looked up from the menu to grin. Her eyes crinkled. She passed forward the note. Cersei picked it up. It very much was Strawberry Shortcake stationary. Cersei suddenly felt the urge to die.
“It’s my sister’s.” Cersei lied, not knowing why she was doing so. “I accidentally took her notepad on the way to school today.”
Lyanna tilted her head. “You don’t have a sister.” Cersei stares blankly, having been caught so quickly. Lyanna continued. “You just have brothers, same as me. My condolences, by the way, it’s not for the weak.” Before Cersei could even formulate a response, the waitress showed up and Lyanna ordered a stack of pancakes, a side of fries, and a chocolate milkshake. “You want anything?” She flicked her grey eyes up at Cersei.
“No. No, I’m good. Thanks.” The words caught in her throat. She reached for her milkshake, missing the cup by an inch and almost spilling it all. She needed to die, now.
They sat in silence for a while before Cersei cleared her throat. “So, Lyanna, I heard you were in the show.”
“Yep! My dad wouldn’t let me fence, so I joined theater instead. We’re doing Westeros Side Story . It’s kind of problematic that we’re doing it, but it’s a good show. Lots of dancing”
“You’re the lead, right?” Cersei played with her straw. “That’s pretty impressive, for a sophomore.”
Lyanna shrugged, but Cersei could tell she was proud of it. “I guess, yeah.”
“And you’re playing opposite a senior. That’s got to be very exciting.”
Cersei noted the blush creeping up Lyanna’s neck. Got her. “I mean, yeah. He’s sweet.”
“Sweet.” Cersei repeated. “Yes, he has that reputation. Don’t get any ideas, though, he’s spoken for.”
For the first time, a hint of a frown crossed Lyanna’s face. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t know? Honey, he’s been dating Elia Martell since we were in eighth grade. Did you really think you had a chance?”
Before Lyanna could respond, the waitress placed down her order. Pancakes, fries, chocolate milkshake, and girl all glared daggers at Cersei from across the table.
Lyanna furrowed her eyebrows. “We’re not… Rhaegar’s just a friend. He drives me to and from rehearsal because my brother can’t. Did somebody say something to you? Because if they did, it’s not true.”
Cersei shrugged. “People have eyes. They can put things together.”
“Well, they’re wrong. ” She crossed her arms, her voice taking on a defensive edge that led Cersei to take her words with a grain of salt.
“I’m just looking out for you.” Cersei said. “He’s a senior anyway, and—”
“I can’t believe this.” Lyanna’s purple lips curled into a quivering frown. “Did you really just invite me out to talk about boys? About Rhaegar? ” She made a motion to stand. “I actually thought you wanted to be my friend.” She slid her backpack off her shoulder. “I’ll pay for what I got. See you in class, Cersei.” She threw cash onto the table and slipped out of the booth.
Before she could stop herself, Cersei was on her feet. “Lyanna, wait.” She noticed the girls from before snickering again and she almost sat back down. “Just wait a second.”
“What?” the girl turned around, brown hair swishing.
Cersei searched around for a waiter and snapped her fingers. “Can we get these to go?” The waiter blinked. “Are you slow? I asked you a question.”
“Yes, yes, right away!”
Lyanna lingered by the door of the diner with confusion on her face until Cersei approached her with the boxed up pancakes, fries, and milkshake.
Cersei took great care to smooth the sharp edges from her voice. “If you want to take these and go, go ahead. Consider them a peace offering. I didn’t mean anything by what I said, okay?” She watched Lyanna bite the inside of her cheek before hesitantly accepting the boxed goods. The girl with the grey eyes looked up at Cersei, studying her. Warmth bloomed in Cersei’s stomach. What was she seeing? What was she looking for? Cersei was used to making her face a mask, but now she didn’t even know what she should be hiding. She reached instinctively for her lip gloss.
Lyanna spoke, slowly and carefully, like each word was precious. “Why did you invite me here?”
The lie came as easy as breathing. “I thought you were cool. I wanted to be friends.”
The other girl’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Do you still want to be friends?”
“Yes, of course. I boxed up your stupid pancakes for you, of course I want to be friends!”
“You promise?”
Cersei couldn’t help but snap. “Sure, whatever, yes! I promise.” This girl was worse than Melara.
“Okay!” Lyanna shoved the box into her backpack and grabbed Cersei’s hand. Before Cersei knew it, they were tearing out of the diner, milkshakes in hand, and into the road. Cars honked from both directions, but Lyanna didn’t care. The two of them kept running, the wind hitting Cersei’s face like sharp kisses. She tried to get them to slow down, to stop completely, but Lyanna’s grip on her hand was too tight and her will was too strong. At one point, Lyanna tripped and ate shit on the sidewalk. She rolled over, revealing knees shredded by pavement. Blood trickled down her leg, but all the girl did was laugh. Cersei couldn’t help but laugh too, though she didn’t know whether she was laughing with or at. Cersei remembered all the times her mind drifted to blood and the thought of free-bleeding. Sometimes she thought that if she bleeds enough she could get it all out. She didn’t really know what it is but she thought it had something to do with her disgust at the protrusions on her chest or whatever sick thing inside her urged to her to lean against the door of the boys’ locker room, hoping to hear her brother’s voice and imagine what it would be like in his place.
Cersei stared at Lyanna, laughing and bleeding on the sidewalk. What a strange creature.
“Are we going somewhere?” Cersei asked. “Or is running around like a wild dog your idea of fun?” Lyanna smiled up at her, and Cersei noted the gap in her teeth. Cersei found her eyes catching on other little details on Lyanna’s face. The mole under her right eye, the cut on her upper lip, the scab on her temple. She saw the places where her eyeliner has smudged and where she’d sweated off her red eyeshadow. She couldn’t help noticing these things, and she couldn’t help wanting to notice more. Shame coiled in Cersei’s stomach.
“We’re almost there. Help me up?”
Cersei reached down to pull Lyanna up, and once again, they were off to the races. Before long, Lyanna pulled Cersei into a thick, wooded area. Amid the dark branches, Cersei spotted white ones with red peeking within. Weirwood trees.
The two of them split up, searching for one to climb. When Cersei thought she found a perfect one, she called Lyanna over.
“This’ll do nicely!” Lyanna agreed.
One after the other, they scampered up the tree, resting under a canopy of red leaves. It had been so long since Cersei had climbed. She used to love doing so with Jaime, and she was always better at it than him. But then, their parents stopped dressing them in matching clothes. Suddenly, the dresses she was forced to wear were no longer suitable for tree climbing with her brother, and before long, she had forgotten how much she’d loved it.
The two of them unboxed the fries, taking turns dipping them in what was left of their milkshakes. It was hard to balance everything on the tree limb, but some how they managed. Cersei had never known a girl like Lyanna before. Something was stirring within her, the same feeling she felt when she saw Jaime do especially well in P.E. or on the fencing court. The feeling she got when her brother received his first rapier and she watched his hand curl around the hilt. Her fingers had tingled and ached, and she found herself mimicking the motion. But it wasn’t enough. This was the feeling of wanting, and seeing others have. It went deeper than jealousy. It was a longing like no other.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Lyanna said suddenly, breaking Cersei’s reverie. She had a wicked look in her eyes.
“Of course.” Cersei leaned forward.
“You remember last pep rally, when we were doing the whole jousting thing?” Cersei nodded. “Remember how in the middle there was just some random guy who won a bunch of the events and disappeared? How nobody knew who he was because he was in the mascot costume?”
Cersei did remember. It had been very obvious to her that the “mystery knight” was Rhaegar, who hadn’t played in that part of the pep rally that day, though he had joined for later events. She waited for Lyanna to reveal something to that end, but instead the girl pointed two thumbs at herself and grins.
“It was me!” Lyanna cried and took a long slurp of her milkshake.
“It was not , you had to be on the fencing team to play.”
Lyanna shrugged. “Turns out, if you know how to use a rapier, you can fake being on the team pretty well. I just borrowed my brother’s stuff and my friend Howland got me into the mascot costume. I was just doing it ‘cause some people were kicking Howland around, but it was actually really fun. I’m gonna do it again next time, and I’m going to win. ”
“No wonder you’re in drama, you have a knack for spinning stories.” This remark earned Cersei a fry thrown at her.
“You don’t believe me!”
“I don’t, sue me!” Cersei smirked and dipped the fry into her milkshake. “I applaud you for trying, but I’m not easily fooled, and there’s just no way it’s true.”
“Can I tell you another secret, then? A true one, this time?” Lyanna wiggled her eyebrows playfully. Cersei bit down the urge to reply with the first thing on her mind, which was that Lyanna could go on telling her secrets for the rest of her life. Cersei leaned forward again, and before she could even register what’s happening, Lyanna caught her face with both hands and kissed her cheek. Then, Cersei heard a voice, low and soft in her ear. “When I win, I’m gonna find you in the crowd, and I’m gonna crown you.” She leaned back. “Then you’ll have no choice but to believe me.”
Those are the words ringing in Cersei’s ears months later, as she’s sitting on the bleachers with the other cheerleaders at the spring pep rally, watching the school’s mascot mystery knight approach her with a cardboard crown in its hands. She swallows, hard, the ghosts of caramel milkshake and French fries roiling in her stomach. She feels the crown fitted onto her head with the utmost tenderness as the crowd goes wild.
Melara tugs on her sleeve. “You were right! It is him!”
“Who?” Cersei asks, in a daze.
“You-know-who!”
“Oh. Of course.” Cersei exhales, hand drifting to her cheek, suddenly certain of not very much at all.