Chapter Text
Nico sat alone on his bed just letting his thoughts consume him. It was like he wasn’t fully here anymore. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting there but the sun was starting to set. He got up, took a shower and brushed his teeth before he laid down on his bed again. After laying there for the gods knew how long he finally fell asleep.
It turned out sleep wasn’t much better. Nightmares immediately invading his mind. It wasn’t uncommon for demigods to dream a lot or have many nightmares, so Nico figured there was no cure for it. Just another thing he’d learned to live with. Nico knew he could talk about it to someone , but he didn’t see what good would come of that so he laid in bed quietly. Letting his tears fall and letting out small noises sometimes. You’re weak. A voice in his head said. Pathetic, that’s what you are. The voice continued. And it wouldn’t bug him hadn’t it been for the fact that he knew the voice was right. He was weak. Crying over something as small as just a nightmare. It was pathetic.
Nico woke up again. This time the sun was shining through his blinds and he had for once slept peacefully for a few hours. He debated just staying in his cabin all day. Maybe he could just drown in his thoughts. But at last he decided to get up. He didn’t eat a lot, but it was better than nothing. When he’d finished his food he got up, planning to leave right away, but Will seemed to have other plans.
“Hey Nico!” Will said as he caught up to Nico.
“What do you want Solace?” Nico asked, sounding more annoyed than he’d intended to. He hated that about himself, he was so unnecessarily mean to people.
“I’m sorry that sounded mean.” Nico apologized, continuing to look at the ground, not wanting to meet Will’s eyes. It always made him so anxious.
“No it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I know you’re gonna say no but Nico, you really need to let me check you out. It won’t take long, I promise and I'll stop annoying you. Just let me help you this once.”
Nico finally looked up. “Fine.” He said, sighing. He knew he wouldn’t get anywhere trying to argue. Will may not look like it but he was insanely stubborn when he wanted to. Nico followed him to the infirmary and was led into a private room.
“Figured you’d like some privacy. Sit down on the bed.” Will said as he grabbed a clip board and a pen. Nico did as he was told and sat down on the bed.
“Do you know how tall you are?” Nico shook his head. Will pointed to the wall with a stadiometer. He got up and stood against the wall.
“167 cm.” Will muttered as he wrote it down. “Can you step on the scale?”
Nico stepped on it, instantly looking away, he knew he wasn’t eating enough. He didn’t do it on purpose, it just seemed to happen. He looked down at the scale after a second. Will didn’t say anything, just scribbled something down on the paper.
“You can sit back down on the bed again.” Nico nodded and sat down on it again.
“So di Angelo, where are you hurt? And no hiding injuries from me.”
“Just my stomach and foot. Honestly Will, it’s not that bad.” But that last part wasn’t any help and Will started by looking at his foot. He smeared some cream on and then bandaged his foot.
“It’ll be fine in a few days if you let it rest. Now take off your shirt.” The words caught Nico a bit off guard. “Sorry?”
“Take off your shirt so I can inspect the wounds on your stomach.”
Nico took off his shirt and Will looked down at his arms before meeting Nico’s eyes. Nico hated that.
“I’m fine, Solace. Do your magic so I can finally leave.”
“Okay okay.” Will said and got to work. When he finished he handed Nico a bottle of Ambrosia. “Drink it.” He ordered. Nico drank it and stood up.
“I’m free to leave then?”
“Yeah, I’ll walk with you back to your cabin.”
“Am I really that good company?” Nico asked, trying to cover the little smile his mouth had formed.
“Belive it or not Nico, you aren’t as bad as you think you are, and i wanna talk to you.”
“We’re talking right now Will.”
“I meant in privacy.”
Nico was pretty sure he knew what the conversation was gonna be about, and he really did not want to have that conversation. At least not now.
“Can’t we take it tomorrow? I'm tired.” Nico asked, he knew Will wouldn’t budge but it was worth a try.
“No, cause you’re gonna avoid me for as long as you can if we don’t talk about it now.”
“Fair enough.” Nico sighed. Will was right about that.
Nico sat down on his bed. “Do we really have to talk about it?” He asked hopefully.
“Yes, we do.” Will sat down in front of him. Nico really couldn’t find a way out of this one.
“How long have you been hurting yourself?” Will asked.
“In my defense I don't do it a lot anymore. It started when I was 10.” Nico could still remember that first time crystal clear. He remembered the relief he got the second the scissors pressed down on his wrist.
“You don’t need to defend yourself. I’m just trying to help you Nico.”
“Why do you do it?” Now that was a harder question to answer. Because the truth was that Nico didn’t fully know either. The first time it had been because he thought he deserved it, which maybe he did, and then he’d discovered that physical pain was a great distraction from his mind. After a little while he supposed it had just become a habit, well more of an addiction that he’d never cared to quit.
“I um, well the first i did it, it was because i thought i deserved it and then i discovered that it helped calm my thoughts and i suppose it just became a habit over the years.”
“Did you ever try to quit?”
“No, but as I said, I don't do it a lot anymore.” That was half a lie, half a truth, he didn’t do it as much as before, but he still did it pretty often.
“Don’t lie to me Nico, I can clearly see that many of them are recent.”
“Fine, but no, I never tried to quit.” He’d never really seen a problem with it if he was being honest. Sure he knew it was wrong, but people smoked and drank, which was just as harmful, and it was okay, so Nico had figured it wasn’t that big of a deal.
“I can’t force you to quit. You have to want that for yourself. But I am gonna tell you that this is not a good coping mechanism.”
“Yeah I know that.” Nico mumbled.
“Do you want to quit?” Will asked in a soft voice.
“I don’t know Will.” And that was the truth, Nico didn’t know. On one hand he knew it was wrong and harmful and there were definitely better ways to cope,but on the other hand it was the best and only way he knew how to cope with everything.
“That’s fine, you can think about it for a while.”
“Thank you.”
“Now tell me what’s keeping you up at night.” Oh how nice! Yet another thing Nico did not want to talk about.
“Just nightmares. It really isn’t that bad. I mean it.” It wasn’t that bad, he always got enough sleep to function normally.
“When’s the last time you slept more than 6 hours a night.”
“I don’t know. But it’s fine. I get enough sleep to function”
“Yeah but you’d have more energy if you slept more.”
“Well it’s not my fault! Am I supposed to just continue sleeping and let a nightmare go on for hours?”
“Hey hey, no one said it’s your fault Nico, and there are many things that can help with nightmares.”
“Yeah maybe.” “Listen, Will I really appreciate this, but I'm politely going to ask you to leave so I can sleep.”
“Of course, just let me know anytime you want to talk, I mean it. If you don’t do it willingly with me, you’ll be forced to do it with someone else.” Will said as he shut the door behind him.