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*
He doesn’t look nice. That’s Leo’s first thought when he notices the man staring at him from across the club. He looks rough, and sneering, and mean.
But nobody else has even looked at Leo in this kind of way – like the guy’s imagining Leo on his knees or under him in some other way – all night. The only attention he’s gotten is from subs – so many different subs, flirty and bratty and shy and polite – who see his muscles and his height and want to call him sir. Or daddy.
It took about five sub interactions before Leo finally confessed that he wanted to call someone else daddy, actually.
It certainly ended that conversation quickly.
So this man. This mean, sneering man. Leo doesn’t know if he wants to call the man daddy, but he’s certainly not looking at Leo like the other subs tonight have.
Leo fidgets in his place for a few more minutes, then walks over to the man.
“Thought you were gonna take all night,” the man snarls.
Something in Leo shrinks back at that already, at the disappointment in those words.
“All those subs trying to climb you like a tree.” The man snorts. “They don’t know shit.” He flicks a glance over at Leo. “What are you, dumb? You’re not on your knees.”
“Oh,” Leo says, and he starts to move but then a hand is coming toward him and Leo’s instincts kick in. He grabs hold right above the wrist, reaches for a pressure point—
“Oh, you want to fight it?” the man says, and Leo snaps back to himself just in time to let the man grab him, shove him against the table. His grip is all wrong, and Leo could break out of it in about sixteen different ways, but there’s fighting for it and then there’s just fighting.
Leo may be new to actually engaging in this Dom/sub stuff, but he knows even bratty subs don’t fight like that.
“Oh, look at that,” the man croons, hand roughly clamping down on the back of Leo’s neck. “Already done, huh? You just needed to be put in your place by men who are better than you.”
Leo doesn’t actually agree with that, but now is probably not the time to get into philosophical discussions around kink. His initial assessment of the man was correct, though. This is certainly not someone Leo feels like calling daddy.
“Look at that ass,” the man groans, and Leo straightens, easily dislodging the man’s hands from him.
“No sex,” he says, letting his voice slip closer to what he normally sounds like during the day. “At all.”
The man’s eyes narrow. “Oral?”
“No sex,” Leo repeats.
“Hmph.” The man grabs hold of Leo’s shirt and shoves him to his knees. “Fine. Playing hard to get, you think that makes the doms want you more?” He scoffs. “You’ll learn soon enough, boy.”
He yanks at Leo’s shirt, upward this time, so Leo stands. He doesn’t really know what the entire kneeling thing was about, other then posturing.
“Back rooms, boy,” the man commands, and Leo walks.
The back rooms have all the…equipment for things. He hears lots of noises as he passes by rooms with the curtains pulled shut, cries and moans and pleas. The man shoves Leo into the first empty room they reach and flicks the curtain mostly across the doorway.
“Hands,” he says, once he’s pushed Leo towards the large cross taking up most of the room.
Leo is slow to respond, trying to figure out what, exactly, the man wants to know about hands, so the man just grabs him and yanks him into position. Straps him in quickly, with the ease of familiarity.
Leo notes that, tells himself that means the guy is an experienced dom at least. So there’s nothing to be worried about.
“If you’re not gonna suck me,” the man growls into his ear, “then I’ll have to take my pleasure some other way. And you’re gonna let me.” He steps away, then there’s a familiar sound that makes Leo strain against his bonds immediately. Stupid, he thinks as he tries to frantically think of how to get away from the knife coming for him, but then his shirt is ripping, falling away from his back, and the knife clicks again from somewhere behind him, folding back away.
“Seemed like you liked that,” the man says meanly. “Too bad I’m not into sharps. But that’s okay. I’ll make you bleed another way.”
Leo’s heart is racing, every sense on high alert now. He can’t… He can’t get it to stop. This was supposed to help his mind relax, that’s what submission was for. Right? So why is he… why can’t he—
There’s a crack, then a line of pain burning down his back. Then another, and another.
“This is your warm up, boy,” the man hisses as he brings the crop down again. “Then we’ll really have some fun.”
*
Afterwards, when the man is done taking all his pleasure, he unties Leo from the cross and glances at his wrists. “You’ll live,” he decides, and he zips up his own pants. He respected Leo’s limit, mostly. There’s come drying somewhere on Leo’s back, but the man jerked himself off, didn’t expect Leo to do anything or…give anything, so that’s fine.
“Maybe I’ll see you around, boy,” the man says, and he walks out, leaving the curtain pushed all the way open in his wake.
Leo doesn’t really know what to do now. It’s… He thought the dom was supposed to take care of that.
He also doesn’t have another shirt.
He stumbles around until he finds a bathroom, runs his cut-up shirt under the water to dab at his back. It hurts, it really hurts, and tears prick at his eyes again. But he gets the come off, he thinks, and that’s…
That matters.
He took a cab here, but the thought of doing that to get home is more than Leo’s mind can bear. So he pulls out his phone and calls Rem.
“Yo,” Rem says.
Leo closes his eyes. “I need a ride.”
*
Rem sends Denver, which is either a genius decision or a horrible one. Leo still isn’t sure, and they’re almost home. Obviously, Rem knew what kind of club Leo was at. And he was right not to send Maison for pickup duties. But Denver…
She parks the car in their garage and turns to look at Leo.
“Sorry,” he signs.
She frowns at him. “What the hell are you apologizing for?” she signs back.
Leo shrugs, then winces as that pulls at his back.
Denver shakes her head and gets out of the car. Through increasingly sharp commands, she gets him out of the car, into the house, and upstairs into his bed, face down.
Whatever she gently dabs onto his back is blissfully soothing.
She taps his shoulder lightly to get his attention. “I’m not mad,” she signs. “I’m worried. Did you want this?”
Leo blinks slowly. It’s hard to sign in this position, but he makes do. “You really think I wouldn’t have been able to stop someone who was doing this to me if I didn’t want it?”
She frowns. “Physically? Of course not. Mentally?” She tips her hand back and forth. “You know you can talk to me. To all of us.”
“Yes,” Leo signs. “I know.” He closes his eyes briefly, too tired to keep them open, even as he knows it’s a shit thing to do to Denver. “Sorry,” he signs, forcing them open again. “Tired.” He searches for an explanation. “I’m…exploring?”
Denver looks extremely unimpressed, but she sighs and doesn’t pursue it. “Sleep. Rest. I’ll take care of this.”
“Thank you,” Leo signs, and he lets himself sink into an exhausted sleep.
*
He tries a different club next time, after a long enough wait that the man’s marks have long since faded. It’s just like the last one, with subs fawning over him until the word gets around, and then mean tops circling him, eager to show him who’s boss.
He’s updated his limits this time, though. “No sex,” he says, “and no pain.”
The dom stops dead and looks at him. “Then why the fuck are you even here, boy?” he asks. “Just go find a pretty boy hookup on Grindr for vanilla sex. Fuck’s sake.” He walks away without even looking back.
And that’s…
There’s something about that that Leo really doesn’t like. Hooks into him just like the other man’s disappointment.
He tries again with a different dom, and the man pauses. Thinks. “What kind of pain is a limit?” he asks, and Leo thinks this is promising. They’re negotiating.
“Crops,” Leo says. “Floggers. Whips.”
“Impact play,” the man says. “Okay. What about other kinds of pain?”
Leo hesitates. “What kinds of other kinds of pain?”
The man smiles. “Would you let me show you?”
And that’s good, too, Leo thinks. He’s asking, not demanding. That’s better than the last guy.
So Leo says yes, and he follows the man to the club’s version of back rooms. “Say red to stop,” the man says, “and yellow to get me to pause or slow down.”
Leo nods.
“Shirt off,” the man says. “Pants too. You can keep the underwear on.”
Leo obeys.
“Now,” the man says, smiling, “the fun begins.”
He starts with his hands, pinching and poking and squeezing. Leo’s nipples are raw before long, his skin tender. The man pulls out clothespins next, starts clipping them on. But Leo doesn’t have a lot of loose skin, mostly muscle, the pins end up on his chest, his nipples, his inner thighs. The pain is…weird. It hurts immediately, and then it keeps hurting, and then it starts building up even though nothing is changing.
“Yellow,” he says when it starts getting too much. It’s not…Leo doesn’t hate it, but he could use a pause. A break.
“Really?” The man smiles at him. “But I haven’t even done anything yet, sweet thing. You can take a little more for me before we slow down, can’t you?”
Leo blinks, trembling through the pain. Sweet thing echoes through his mind. He nods.
The man has him lie down on a bench thing, pulls out a mean looking pinwheel. “You’re going to love this,” he says, and he rolls it along Leo’s skin.
It’s a different kind of pain than the clothespins, sharp and there-and-gone. Leo isn’t sure what to think of it, but when he tries to get away from it, it pulls on the clothespins that are still clamped on him, which is unpleasant.
“Yellow,” he says, reaching up desperately to try to just pull off the pins on his nipples, he really doesn’t like those. But the man hisses and slams Leo’s hands down onto the bench and leans over him.
“I thought you were going to be a good boy for me. Are you a good sub? Are you going to fucking behave for your dom?”
Leo can’t stop the whimper that slips out. “It hurts.”
“Of course it does,” the man says, voice softening again. “Because I’m hurting you. And you’re letting me, like a good boy. You’re being such a good boy for me.”
Leo blinks, and nods, and lets the man go back to rolling that metal wheel all over his torso. He removes the clothespins after that, and Leo sobs. It hurts even worse with them gone, somehow, like the pressure was keeping all the hurt, ouch, OUCH sealed up and now it’s set loose and oh, god, Leo hates it. He really hates it. The other guy was awful but better, this is so much worse.
“Red,” he thinks, or tries to say, but he’s crying and he doesn’t know how to stop and he isn’t sure if the man hears him.
Something else starts hurting, and he feels the man’s hand press down against Leo’s chest, holding him to the bed, so he must not have heard the word. Leo tries to suck in enough breath to say it again, louder this time, but he just can’t. He can’t.
The man says something that Leo can’t understand, and then the hurt starts spreading some more.
Leo cries.
*
He freshens himself up in the bathroom before he calls Rem this time. By the time Denver comes to get him, he looks mostly normal. There are no marks to bandage, not like last time, so he dodges Denver’s probing questions and gets himself to bed.
The next time he goes, he’s emphatically firm on his two limits, and the guy shrugs and asks to tie him up. But instead of going to a back room, the guy brings him over to a slightly elevated dais and tells him to kneel.
The floor is padded, which is nice. The guy works quickly but competently, and Leo enjoys watching as much as he is able to. It doesn’t calm him, or soothe him, but it’s not pain, and Leo is being good just by kneeling here and letting the guy tie knots. So, in that regard, it’s really nice. Leo could maybe learn to enjoy this.
People wander by as the guy works, saying hello, catching up with some chitchat. Leo doesn’t really enjoy that, though, because his brain is constantly on alert every time someone new comes up. Standing in the club, he can be less wary, but kneeling and bound, it’s enough to make Leo believe every stranger is a would-be assassin ready to pounce.
“That’s it,” the guy says to Leo, clearly pleased. “Good boy.”
Leo smiles, feeling the words sink into his chest. The guy sits in a chair next to Leo and starts petting him, working his way down from Leo’s head. It’s nice, the physical contact, and Leo wishes he could lean against the guy’s leg and soak up his warmth.
And then the hand dips lower to cup him, and Leo jolts. “No,” he says immediately, trying to move away. “No sex. I said.”
“But you’re hard,” the guy says, stroking once.
“No, no,” Leo shakes his head. “Red. Stop. I don’t—”
“Hey,” another voice says, firm. “He told you to stop. What the fuck are you doing?”
“Fuck off and mind your own business,” the guy says, but he removes his hand so Leo is happy.
Leo looks up and spots the other guy who stepped in. He’s wiry and lanky and if his glare could kill, the guy who was just touching Leo would be dead three times over.
And then he turns to look at Leo, and that glare immediately switches over to softness. “Are you okay?” He walks over to Leo, turning away from the other guy, and extends a hand. “My name’s Will. Can I touch you? Just to get you out of these ropes?”
Leo nods, all thrown off, and watches as Will pulls a pair of shears out of his pocket and snips through the rope. Just a few cuts, and all of the rope is falling to the ground around him.
“Hey asshole,” the first guy says, “you’re buying me new rope.”
Will doesn’t even look at him, offering Leo a hand to help him to his feet. “That’s it, careful now,” he murmurs. “Your legs will be unsteady. You can lean on me if you need to.” He helps Leo off the dais and then, and only then, does he turn to face the other guy. “Let’s put it this way,” he says, voice mild. “If you’re still a member of this club after I report you to the monitors, then I’ll pay for your retraining with a dom here to learn how to actually respect limits.”
The guy scoffs and flips him off.
Will turns away, gently bringing Leo with him. “Let’s sit over here where it’s quiet,” he suggests, and Leo just follows his lead, sliding into a circular booth tucked in the corner. Will flags down someone and soon two bottles of water are at the table. Will cracks open one of them and hands it to Leo, then has a quick conversation with the staff member who brought the drinks. Probably reporting the guy like he said he would. Leo doesn’t really care. He sips the water and only spills some of it on himself with his unsteady hands.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Will murmurs, and he reaches out to steady the bottle. “Little sips,” he says, and Leo sips. “Perfect.” He lowers the bottle when Leo stops sipping. “I’ve seen you around,” Will says softly. “Here and there. New to the scene, right?”
Leo nods.
Will hesitates, rolling the mostly empty bottle of water between his hands. “I’m trying to think of how to phrase this,” he admits, “without being a dick. But you know that a real, good dom would never behave like that guy just did right?”
Leo hesitates.
“I saw you with Chuck last week. He’s a sadist. And then today’s guy, rigger obviously. I feel like you’re trying to get a sense of what’s out there? Correct me if I’m wrong.”
Leo just nods and reaches for the water again. Will uncaps it and helps steady it again while Leo drinks.
“Do you know what kind of submission speaks to you?” Will asks.
“It’s…selfish,” Leo says.
Will frowns slightly. “Why do you say that?”
“I don’t want sex,” Leo says.
“That’s a fair limit.”
“And I don’t like pain. I definitely don’t like pain.”
Will nods slowly.
“And…one of my friends is a submissive to her partner. She does everything for her. Cooks, dresses her, irons her clothes, serves her tea every day.”
“Mm.” Will smiles. “Service sub.”
“And one of my other friends is a pup.”
“Okay,” Will says. “So you have a good understanding of kink anyway, from your friends. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
Leo nods.
“That still doesn’t tell me why you think your submissive desires are selfish,” Will says gently.
Leo blinks. “Because I don’t want to serve a dom. And I don’t want to…be a good puppy for them. And I won’t have sex with them. But I want them to…dominate me anyway. So… so it’s only fair if I let them do what they want, right? And just…just be good for them.”
Will sighs softly. “Oh, sweet boy. No, that’s not right at all.” He shifts closer to Leo, just a little. “Will you look at me, dear?” He smiles. “That’s it, that’s a good boy. You listen closely to me, okay? Any dom worth his salt isn’t there for the sex or the pain. Subs enjoy handing over power to someone else, yeah? Well doms enjoy being given that power. The service and the pet play and the…” He waves a hand. “Ropes and chains and whips, all of that is like frosting on the cake. But the cake itself? That’s just one person handing over control to someone else who is honored to receive it. And I know a lot of doms who would love to have a good boy at their side, just happy to be with them. No pain, no ropes, no sex required.”
Leo looks at him dubiously. “I…” I don’t believe you, is what he wants to say, but that’s rude. It’s just. Sure, in theory that’s the case, but everyone in these clubs is there for sex. So the minute Leo takes that off the table, it’s…well.
Will smiles softly. “I’d like to give you my number, sweet boy. If you feel…bad, or—or queasy, or shaky, or anything like that in the next couple of days, you can call me, okay? And I’ll help you. Do you understand?”
Leo nods.
“And I hope you’ll think about what I said,” Will says. “Kink isn’t about you giving something to a dom in a…exchange like that. Okay? Talk to your service sub’s master or mistress. Ask them what they enjoy about their dynamic. Will you do that for me?”
“Okay,” Leo says softly, just to see Will smile at him again.
“Good boy,” Will murmurs, and Leo lets that sink into his chest.
*
He half chickens out when he finds Rowan the next day. He asks her if she can tell him more about the kind of dom she is, then guiltily turns away when she says, “Rem and Denver both told me about your little kink excursions. Denver was especially distressed after she picked you up that night.”
She sits on the couch next to him and gently rests a hand on his arm. “Leo, look at me. I didn’t come speak to you after that night, because Denver thought you needed space to think through it. And I listened to her, because I always do. But this is going on a bit too long for my liking, so I’m glad you came to find me, because I was about to go find you.
“I am happy to talk about what Denver and I have, if it will help you understand. But I have to say one very important thing first: you letting some asshole with a crop whale on you because he thinks he’s owed it? That’s not kink, Leo. That’s abuse.”
Leo flinches at that. Abuse just feels…that’s such a strong word. That’s not…that’s for relationships. For something long-term and lasting. Not for these one-offs. Right?
Rowan sighs and sits closer to him, wrapping a gentle arm around him. “Submitting to someone is all about give and take. And communication going both ways. There’s kink out there that isn’t pain-focused. And if you want to explore what’s out there, none of us will stop you. You know that. Hell, we’ll put together a how-to guide for you. But please stop hurting yourself with assholes who don’t care and don’t treat you right. Please.”
Leo nods and lets her hug him until he feels less trembly.
It takes a while, but Rowan doesn’t seem to care at all.
*
This new club is one Rowan suggested. She said that Rem also highly recommended it, which is maybe a little weird only because Leo doesn’t think Rowan and Remington have ever agreed on something in their lives.
It’s quiet inside, well-lit without being blinding. He sees a corner full of cozy bean bags and soft mats, and something in him unwinds.
There’s a bar inside, so he heads over to that first.
“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.
Leo looks around. “Um. What do you have on tap?”
The bartender smiles patiently. “We don’t serve alcohol. I’ve got all kinds of juices, all the milks, ice water…”
“Water,” Leo decides, even though he’s curious about what qualifies as ‘all kinds’ of juices. He brings it with him as he wanders around slowly, taking it in. There are some pups playing in one corner, running around and playing fetch, which explains Rem’s glowing review.
Down a hallway are some smaller but open areas. One room has what looks like a lecture. Leo slips inside and hovers at the back.
“I’m constantly checking on her,” the person standing says, gesturing at the woman bent over a padded bench. “I know all her reactions because I’ve learned them all. Like this”—he spanks her, once, and she gasps sharply—“means I surprised her, but she’s okay. See how quickly she relaxed? Tension in your sub’s muscles is a huge signal when the pain is getting to be too much.”
“What about when they start crying?” someone in the audience asks. “How do you know the difference between cathartic tears and real tears?”
The speaker nods. “It can be tricky, for sure. When you’re new and still learning your sub, you should check in constantly. Always remind them of their words. With my good girl here, when she cries cathartic tears, her whole body goes limp. It’s almost like it’s a relief to let it all out, yeah?”
Leo notices a few people in the audience nodding.
“We haven’t had bad tears in a scene since the very early days, but those tears were always frantic. Again, her whole body was tense. She was clearly trying to get away from the pain.” The speaker reaches out to gently stroke a hand down her back. “But I stopped what I was doing immediately and checked in with her. She was trying to be good for me, and she thought being good was taking everything I dished out. But as we’ve covered, that is absolutely not the case.”
Leo slips back out of the room. Well…that explains why Rowan recommended this place.
He goes back out to the main area and hesitates, trying to decide between the bar and the bean bag corner. Someone comes up behind him, and he turns quickly.
“Sorry,” the man says, smiling softly, “didn’t mean to startle you. I saw you listening to the talk but then you left kind of quickly, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Leo looks at him. “Oh. Uh. Yeah, I was just…I’m fine.”
The man looks at him patiently. Quietly. “I need to get a glass of water,” the man says after a moment. “I’m parched. Do you want to keep me company?”
“Why?” Leo asks before he can stop himself.
The man shrugs with that same smile. “I think you and I could get along, that’s all.”
“I—don’t do sex,” Leo says, stumbling. He isn’t really sure if this is what the man is getting at, but better to get it out of the way now, right? “Or pain.”
The man’s smile doesn’t waver. “That’s perfect, because I don’t do sex or pain either. My name’s Julian. Do you want to tell me yours?”
“Leo,” he says softly. He’s not really sure what’s going on right now. But this is the first person he’s met who hasn’t…pivoted from his limits, looking for an exception. The first person who’s called them perfect.
“Leo,” Julian says, voice curling around his name in a way that makes Leo’s stomach swoop. “Would you like to keep me company while I get a glass of water, Leo?”
“Okay,” Leo says quietly. And he follows Julian to the bar.
*
*
*
Julian is a little surprised when Leo asks to go back to the club one night. It’s been months since Leo showed up in Julian’s house, bloody and vulnerable, and revealed his day job. Julian’s been working hard to make sure Leo doesn’t have a single chance to think Julian is withdrawing in the wake of that revelation, and he thinks everything has been going smoothly.
So the club request is unexpected, to say the least.
“Why do you want to go, sweetheart?” he asks, keeping his voice mild.
Leo shrugs. Fiddles with Julian’s shirt hem. “It’s… I went to a lot of clubs, before you.”
“And after me,” Julian teases lightly.
Leo smiles. “I want to be there with you now. Now that you know everything. I want to see if it’s…”
Julian hums and kisses Leo’s head. “Okay, baby boy. Let’s go out tonight.”
It’s like stepping into a familiar haven when they walk in. They get their usual water and juice box and make a lap of the area, peeking in on the demo taking place in the back. But they end up curled up on the bean bags, like they always used to, with Leo’s head on Julian’s chest.
“This was a good idea, baby,” Julian says, feeling more content than words can describe. “Thank you.”
Leo nods and kisses his chest through his shirt, then closes his eyes.
Julian keeps his eyes open, scanning the club languidly. He always has kept watch over sleeping littles – the dom in him refuses to leave a sub vulnerable like that – but now that he knows Leo’s an assassin, he can’t deny that he’s gotten a little more vigilant. Some of Leo’s well-earned paranoia rubbing off on him.
Either way, that’s the reason he spots the familiar face long before it reaches him.
“Will,” he says warmly, as his old friend comes over. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t get up.”
“Of course,” Will agrees, sinking onto the floor at his side instead. “Never disturb a sleeping sub. Oh, oops, I’m sorry little one, did I wake you?”
Leo blinks and rubs his eyes a little, shaking his head.
“Leo’s a light sleeper,” Julian says, smiling. “It’s good to see you. When did you get into town?”
“Just tonight,” Will says. “I was going to look you up, try to get coffee or something. You can bring your boy.” He looks over at Leo with a smile, then freezes. “Oh,” he says softly, sighing. “Oh, wow.”
“Mm?” Leo mumbles, and he finally opens his eyes all the way. “Oh,” he breathes, almost like an echo. “You?”
“Yeah.” Will leans in slightly. “You remember me, sweet boy?”
Leo nods shyly then buries his head against Julian’s side.
“What’s the story here?” Julian asks teasingly.
“I met your sweet boy a little while ago in a different club across town,” Will shares. “I never got a call from you, sweet boy. I was worried.”
Leo tugs Julian’s shirt twice and lifts his head enough to sign. Julian interprets for him. “He says he spoke to his friend like you said. It helped.”
“Good, I’m glad.” Will smiles warmly at Leo, then Julian. “I don’t want to intrude on you both, but we definitely need to catch up, J. It’s been too long.”
“It has.” Julian tugs Leo closer to kiss his forehead. “Thank you for looking out for my boy back then.”
Will grins and winks, then makes his exit.
“You’ll have to tell me sometime,” Julian murmurs in Leo’s ear. “I never knew you had met my friend.”
Leo tugs twice on Julian’s shirt and kisses his chest again. Julian hums and kisses him back. “But not tonight, baby boy. I agree.” He inhales deeply and sighs happily, enjoying the weight of Leo’s body on top of his. “Is it different tonight, baby?”
Leo nods. “Better,” he signs, looking up with a smile.
“My beautiful boy,” Julian says, all the happiness in him big enough to burst. “I’m so happy I met you.”
“Me too,” Leo signs. “Love you.”
Julian kisses his forehead. “Love you too.”
*