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There was not a scrap of red to be seen as they took their bows. Even Wèi Wúxiàn's signature ribbon had been lost to the war. It was all dark, muddy colours, matching the dark tent they squatted in alongside the rest of the army.

Jiāng Chéng sipped the wine through a pinched mouth, his eyes avoiding Wèi Wúxiàn's. Wèi Wúxiàn downed every drop. Not good to waste a thing these days.

There was no one to pour tea for, no one to see what they did except Lán Wàngjī, just to make sure no one could call the union into question. Lán Wàngjī bowed himself out as soon as it was done, leaving them alone as spouses. The silence between them hung heavy. Jiāng Chéng's feelings oozed from him like lacquer from the tree.

"So ... guess we get to move on to the wedding night," said Wèi Wúxiàn with a lopsided grin. Jiāng Chéng hummed, then shuffled sideways to his bed mat, pulling the blanket back and wiggling out of his clothes. Wèi Wúxiàn scurried over. "Let me!"

Jiāng Chéng let him, and Wèi Wúxiàn wished he would show some sort of enthusiasm. It was not the best of circumstances, but it didn't mean it had to be doom and gloom. There was no one else Wèi Wúxiàn would have chosen to be his spouse. It was Jiāng Chéng. This marriage would give him an actual place in a family. Why wouldn't he be happy?

Jiāng Chéng had said little since they had learned why he had been feeling so sick for weeks. He had just muttered an agreement to Wèi Wúxiàn's insistence that they marry so their child would be legitimate.

"You're so pretty," Wèi Wúxiàn mumbled against Jiāng Chéng's neck, feeling it warm under his lips.

"Shut up." Jiāng Chéng's voice was tight, his eyes fixed somewhere else. Wèi Wúxiàn rolled his eyes and pushed Jiāng Chéng onto the bed.

The weeks and months flew by, grinding them down with the stress and effort of war. Jiāng Chéng's waist barely thickened, but they both agreed it was for the best. The longer they could conceal this, the better. Wèi Wúxiàn liked to sleep with his head on Jiāng Chéng's stomach, listening and feeling the movements under Jiāng Chéng's skin.

Jiāng Chéng was reckless, but it was a war. It was be reckless or die.

Wèi Wúxiàn had a constant ache in his stomach, watching his spouse blaze through the battlefield like a glorious god. Pride warred with fear, and he couldn't keep his hands off Jiāng Chéng in their tent.

"Shīdì, my shīdì with my baby," he mumbled into his skin as they rocked together. Jiāng Chéng hummed, running his hands over Wèi Wúxiàn's hair and mumbling,

"Idiot."

Their kisses turned softer each night.

They whispered possible names in the dark. Jiāng Chéng stopped staring at the tent roof while they had sex. They were so close to victory they felt they could make plans for a hundredth-day celebration. It wouldn't be the greatest thing ever; they were scraping for money, but Jiāng Yànlí sent them a beautiful blanket with the Jiāng name embroidered by her own hand.

"It's ours," Jiāng Chéng mumbled, playing with Wèi Wúxiàn's hair. The unspoken 'that's enough' made Wèi Wúxiàn blush and nuzzle Jiāng Chéng's belly.

It was too soon. There was so much fluid and blood! Jiāng Chéng was so brave as he gripped Wèi Wúxiàn's hand, white-lipped and flushed-brow. The war doctor was clearly not familiar with delivering babies, but she did her best.

"You need to go lead the front," Jiāng Chéng mumbled.

"I need to stay here."

"Idiot!" Jiāng Chéng gripped his hand harder.

The visceral sound of the baby slipping free was not followed by anything else.

Jiāng Chéng started demanding they make the baby, their son, cry. But the doctor shook her head, even as she wrapped the tiny -- why was it so tiny? -- being with Jiāng Yànlí's blanket and held it out for Jiāng Chéng.

"No! Make him cry. You have to make him cry!"

Wèi Wúxiàn's ears rang with disbelief, reaching for the blanket, clumsily pulling it to his chest, while Jiāng Chéng continued to shout, beg, plead for someone to make their baby cry.

"Jiāng Chéng."

"He can't be. I felt him. He was alive!"

"Jiāng Chéng." Wèi Wúxiàn looked at the perfectly formed, utterly still, face barely the size of his palm. He could hardly bear it. He wanted to throw this mistake, this terrible error away and grab hold of the real, living baby he had spoken to every night. His skin crawled, and he pressed the bundle into Jiāng Chéng's arms, ignoring his resistance until Jiāng Chéng had to take it or it would fall.

Jiāng Chéng would never let their baby fall.

Jiāng Chéng howled, crushing the tiny form to his chest the same way his mother had last held him, like he could take it back into his body and somehow protect it there. Wèi Wúxiàn scooted away from him, needing to put distance between him and the terrible reality. He needed to breathe.

Jiāng Chéng rolled onto his side, back to everyone, curling around the baby, begging him to breathe. Wèi Wúxiàn slipped out of the tent, hands on his head, trying to push it all away. Bad thoughts, bad feelings, it could not be allowed.

"Wèi Yīng."

Wèi Wúxiàn whirled around and tried to grin at Lán Zhàn, but it felt like his face was cracking apart. But he didn't know what else to do. Lán Zhàn looked towards the tent where Jiāng Chéng's cries emanated. Understanding crossed his face, and he looked at Wèi Wúxiàn with unmistakable sympathy. It burned Wèi Wúxiàn, who mumbled about getting something for Jiāng Chéng so he could get away from him. He walked until he couldn't hear Jiāng Chéng's voice anymore, then threw up in the nearest bush.

Every camp had a supply of bái​jiǔ. It was medicine, burning suffering away. It was warm comfort in the dead of night when all you could hear was the screaming of your friends. Wèi Wúxiàn drank the lot.

He did not return until the sun was rising over the camp. It was so quiet, he wanted to bite every person who looked at him with obvious pity. It was easier to bear the disapproval of the other Jiāng disciples, no doubt angered by his fleeing like that and his drunken stumbling return. 

Jiāng Chéng was still holding the bundle, eyes fixed on some faraway point. Wèi Wúxiàn grimaced, but made himself kneel next to him. It was more of a collapse of limbs.

"Jiāng Chéng."

Jiāng Chéng looked at him, eyes hollowed out, just like the day Lotus Pier fell.

"You're back."

Wèi Wúxiàn winced and did not answer him, and did not acknowledge the wrinkling of his nose as he inhaled the fumes coming off him. Instead, he reached out and moved the blanket edge aside to show the tiny face of a perfect little doll. He swallowed.

"Let's call him Lìzhī."

Jiāng Chéng narrowed his eyes, but grunted. They couldn't use any of the names they had dreamed up, but naming their son Lychee was something they could do.

Jiāng Chéng was back on his feet two days later, leading their army into the bloodiest battle of the Sunshot Campaign. Wèi Wúxiàn followed him, revelling in the violence. The only time he saw Jiāng Chéng hesitate was the odd flex of his arm, as if he remembered the weight of the tiny box of ashes he had tucked in there that morning.

Wèi Wúxiàn got between him and an errant sword, parrying it and using Suíbiàn to bisect the offending Wēn dog. He turned to Jiāng Chéng to snap at him but when he saw the tears mixed with mad rage in Jiāng Chéng's eyes. There was nothing he could say to that.

"You need to stop drinking the camp's entire supply."

"Why?"

"Because other people want to drink as well."

"They should be quicker about it then -- are we gonna talk about the horse in the tent?"

Jiāng Chéng blinked at him, his fingers tangled in the mess of a small foal’s mane he had been working on when Wèi Wúxiàn walked in. Finally, he said,

"I found him. He was wandering around alone."

"And ... our tent was the best place for him?"

"He's a foal, he can't go into the stables, that's for war horses."

Wèi Wúxiàn nodded as if that explained anything. Jiāng Chéng pulled another piece of mane up and started combing from the ends up to get the knots out. The foal was pretty pathetic, all skin and bones, letting Jiāng Chéng work without complaint. It was pitch black, almost blending into the shadows of the tent.

"He's sleeping here tonight, isn't he?"

"Yup."

"All right then." Wèi Wúxiàn stooped to pet the muzzle. The horse cringed away from him. Wèi Wúxiàn stepped away, clearing his throat. "What's his name?"

"Little Rosie."

Of course.

"Y'know I never thought married life would involve sharing my husband with a horse," Wèi Wúxiàn said to Lán Wàngjī with a twisted grin. "Damn thing actually snuggles up to Jiāng Chéng at night, and I'm not allowed get near it. Jiāng Chéng doesn't even scold it!"

Lán Wàngjī blinked at him.

"Wèi Yīng, how much have you had to drink?"

"Āiya, you sound like Jiāng Chéng." He wagged his finger at him. "Lán Zhàn, do you wanna be my second spouse or something?"

Lán Wàngjī glared at him.

"Wèi Yīng."

"Ah, Lán Zhàn, give it a rest. I'm just taking the edge off. Helps me sleep while fucking 'Little Rosie' -- Jiāng Chéng's names are terrible! -- snores the tent apart."

Lán Wàngjī looked past Wèi Wúxiàn to the tent, where Jiāng Chéng was feeding the foal, already showing signs of growth and muscle, from his own paltry rations.

"Is that not the same as what Jiāng-zōngzhǔ is doing with him?"

Wèi Wúxiàn choked on his bái​jiǔ and had to excuse himself to fix it.  

The war was won. Wèi Wúxiàn had imagined they would celebrate together, cross the invisible barrier between them, to find their way to each other. Alas for hope. Jiāng Chéng did his best sect leader work for the disciples, then disappeared for the night. Wèi Wúxiàn got drunk. He didn't bother going to bed.

They collected Jiāng Yànlí on the long way home to Lotus Pier. She gripped them so tight -- it must have come from the Yú to hold so tight to loved ones. Wèi Wúxiàn felt Jiāng Chéng crumple into her arms, whimpering "Jiějie" as his hand fumbled for Wèi Wúxiàn's. Their fingers linked as Wèi Wúxiàn bowed under the weight of it all, resting his head on Jiāng Yànlí's shoulder.

"My boys," she sobbed, "My poor dìdi."

Right, he was her dìdi now, not just her shīdì. Marrying Jiāng Chéng had made him her family in a way no one could divide. The joy of this realisation was smothered like a candle in a storm.

"Of course, you'll stay for the feast," Jīn Guāngshàn said as he came to them, no moment of reprieve for their shared feelings. Jiāng Chéng straightened like a bowstring, his sect leader expression slamming down on all his feelings. Wèi Wúxiàn glared at Jīn Guāngshàn over Jiāng Chéng's shoulder. "It's important to celebrate the victories, Jiāng-zōngzhǔ."

"Of course," said Jiāng Chéng. Wèi Wúxiàn could tell just looking at his back that he was rubbing at his sleeve where Wèi Wúxiàn had sewn the right workings so it was even more secure. If Jiāng Chéng wasn't toying with Zǐdiàn, he was touching that spot.

Wèi Wúxiàn had not seen the box since it was first given to them. It was fine; it was safer with Jiāng Chéng. Jiāng Chéng had kept Lìzhī safe for so long. Only when he had come into the world had he been lost to them.

The feast was grotesque, the kind of thing only someone who had not gone near the front line could think was a fun time. Only that it was his first public presentation as the spouse of Jiāng-zōngzhǔ and he didn't want Jiāng Chéng out of his sight, he would have stormed out. Instead, he hovered. He pushed nice food and drink to Jiāng Chéng, but Jiāng Chéng, already thin, had no appetite as he watched everyone around him with deepest suspicion.

Just when Wèi Wúxiàn thought they were safe, Jīn Guāngshàn rose with his drink.

"Jiāng-zōngzhǔ, is it not about time to reforge the betrothal between my Ā-Xuān and your dearest jiějie? We have all lost so many young, surely it is vital we encourage the birth of the next generation."

"Fùqīn!" Jīn Zixuān hissed, throwing Jiāng Chéng a horrified glance. Wèi Wúxiàn was on his feet, Suíbiàn in his hand, even as Jiāng Chéng grabbed his robes, yanking him down to the ground. As he scrambled to his knees, Jiāng Chéng rose and regarded Jīn Guāngshàn with all the disdain of his mother.

"The Jiāng are not in the business of papering grief over with pretty ceremony, Jīn-zōngzhǔ. I will entrust my sister to determining her own happiness."

Jiāng Yànlí made a soft noise behind them, and Wèi Wúxiàn turned, half expecting her to be crying. Instead, she was stoic, looking to Jīn Guāngshàn with similar steel.

"I could not, in good conscience, leave my natal family so soon after the war. I could only know happiness in marriage after seeing the home I grew up in restored to it's original beauty."

Wèi Wúxiàn stood up, pressing his shoulder to Jiāng Chéng's, reminding him he was there. He thought he felt Jiāng Chéng press back.

That night, the first time they weren't sharing a bed with a rapidly growing foal, Jiāng Chéng slipped his hand into Wèi Wúxiàn's sleep pants and brought him off, rolling away before Wèi Wúxiàn could do more than gasp his name.

"What was that?"

"You looked tense."

It wasn't untrue, but that had never been Jiāng Chéng's reason before. Wèi Wúxiàn chased him across the bed, putting his arm across his waist, trying to walk his fingers past his waistband. Jiāng Chéng smacked his hand away.

"Leave it."

"What, you're not tense too?"

"I'm fine."

"Fine is fine. I can make you better." Wèi Wúxiàn kissed the back of his neck, pushing his knee between Jiāng Chéng's thighs, pushing up to grind against his cunt. Jiāng Chéng kicked him away.

"I said, I'm fine! Just leave it."

Wèi Wúxiàn pouted. He missed Jiāng Chéng's tight heat. He had not been near it since --

He tried again, reaching this time for Jiāng Chéng's nipples. He still smelled of sweet milk.

"Stop it!" Jiāng Chéng snapped, voice tight in a way that made Wèi Wúxiàn pause. Normally he'd ignore those protests. Jiāng Chéng liked to grumble even when he was having fun. But this time --

"Jiāng Chéng ...  Ā-Chéng?" He could barely whisper the more intimate name as his throat tightened. He wanted to say that he missed him, but they didn't talk like that to each other. Touch had been their way, but now --

"Get some sleep. We've a long journey ahead."

"I'm cold, Shīdì."

Jiāng Chéng sighed, but stopped edging away from him.

The first thing Jiāng Chéng did when they got to Lotus Pier was set up the tablets for Jiāng Fēngmián and Yú Zǐyuān, while Wèi Wúxiàn and Jiāng Yànlí watched him. They offered joss paper and incense, and Wèi Wúxiàn wondered what they would think of him being there as Jiāng Chéng's husband. Would Jiāng Fēngmián be satisfied? Would Yú Zǐyuān be spitting blood? Would they be happy because Wèi Wúxiàn loved their son?

He glanced at Jiāng Chéng, who was cradling his arm, eyes far away. His throat tightened, but Jiāng Yànlí had the words.

"Do you want to put him with his grandparents?"

Jiāng Chéng's breath caught, and he shook his head, clutching his arm to his chest.

"Not -- not now."

Jiāng Yànlí didn't push.

The sweet-milk scent vanished not long after they returned. Wèi Wúxiàn was glad, hoping it meant Jiāng Chéng might be interested in sex again. They had not done more than Jiāng Chéng bringing Wèi Wúxiàn off in abrupt motions that hardly did anything to make Wèi Wúxiàn feel wanted. It felt performative, like Jiāng Chéng thought it was necessary. Spousal duties?

The thought made Wèi Wúxiàn ache.

Why wouldn't Jiāng Chéng let him touch back? He wanted to; he really did. He wanted to put his mouth on every part of him, taste him and memorise him. But he wasn't allowed. When he tried, Jiāng Chéng recoiled from his touch.

Did he not want to feel good? Wèi Wúxiàn didn't understand it.

"I wanna touch you."

Jiāng Chéng didn't answer him. He just pinned Wèi Wúxiàn's wrists to his stomach, painfully tight, while working  him over with his other hand. Wèi Wúxiàn considered using his core to interrupt the climax, to deny Jiāng Chéng the satisfaction, or whatever was motivating him, but before he could decide, it hit him.

Hollow satisfaction.

Life happened. Lotus Pier was rebuilt, leaving splinters in their hands. Wèi Wúxiàn learned how to remove them painlessly from Jiāng Chéng's long fingers. Jiāng Chéng had hot baths ready every evening Wèi Wúxiàn was sore from work. Little Rosie went from being tall to towering. Jiāng Chéng refused to change his name, even as he increasingly turned into the biggest horse they had by six hands. Jiāng Chéng still cooed over him like he was a teeny tiny pony.

One particular night, Wèi Wúxiàn whined about his sore shoulders until Jiāng Chéng came over to rub them. Wèi Wúxiàn held his breath lest he scare him away, but soon he was melting into his husband's touch, humming and groaning in genuine relief. Jiāng Chéng's fingers were magic. He tipped his head back, bumping against Jiāng Chéng's shoulder, smiling at the ceiling, when he felt lips on his throat.

His breath caught, but he didn't dare tense up. Instead, he reached up and grabbed the back of Jiāng Chéng's neck, crushing their mouths together. Jiāng Chéng surged into him, growling like an alpha. Water sloshed everywhere as Wèi Wúxiàn scrambled out of the bath, trying not to lose contact with Jiāng Chéng, just in case it brought him back to his senses.

"Bed'll get wet," Jiāng Chéng mumbled. Wèi Wúxiàn pushed him against the wall in response.

"Who needs a bed?"

It was quick and dirty, with Jiāng Chéng's legs quaking against Wèi Wúxiàn's hips as he tried to wring every overdue orgasm out of him. Only when he was whining from overstimulation did Wèi Wúxiàn ease back and haul them both over to the bed. Jiāng Chéng's liquid black eyes followed him like a lazy cat as he bundled them up. Wèi Wúxiàn wanted to say how much he had missed this, missed him, but they didn't say stuff like that, and it would make Jiāng Chéng think something was wrong.

Wèi Wúxiàn settled for making a lazy meal out of Jiāng Chéng's neck.

He should have realised it was Jiāng Chéng's heat making him so horny.

Did it matter though? Now he could take care of his husband like he was supposed to. His rut came a day later.

When the embers died, Jiāng Chéng fumbled for a small bottle by the bed. Wèi Wúxiàn helped him drink the contraception, knowing neither of them was ready for any of that. As he put the bottle back, his hand brushed the small box of ashes. It was the first time he had touched it in two years. He curled his fingers around it and pulled it close, tracing his thumbs around the sharp sides. Jiāng Chéng watched him, his expression giving nothing away. Wèi Wúxiàn didn't want to dwell, didn't want to ruin the moment with Jiāng Chéng where they could be here together, so he set the box aside again and lay down to hold Jiāng Chéng. He offered his two fingers, but Jiāng Chéng nudged them away. No dual cultivation then.

They saw Jiāng Yànlí married, and Wèi Wúxiàn didn't punch Jīn Zixuān when she told them she was already pregnant. He had no face to be so hypocritical, and it would make his dàyízi sad. Still, he didn't dwell long on the coming nephew, not when he saw how pale Jiāng Chéng's cheeks turned even as he beamed and hugged Jiāng Yànlí. She searched their faces, clearly knowing the tiny shadow they were all ignoring, but said nothing.

"An heir for the Jīn," said Jīn Guāngshàn like he had somehow brewed the grandchild himself. Wèi Wúxiàn wrinkled his nose in distaste. "And an heir for the Jiāng -- for the moment anyway. I'm sure it will not be long before that changes, eh Jiāng-zōngzhǔ?"

Jiāng Chéng's death grip on Wèi Wúxiàn's arm was the only thing that held him back. Madam Jīn looked like she wanted to strangle her beastly husband. Worst of all was how upset Dàyízi looked, turning anguished eyes to Jiāng Chéng's stoic, white-lipped face. Wèi Wúxiàn put an arm around his middle, holding him close and toying with his sleeve. He didn't take his eyes off Jīn Guāngshàn for the rest of the celebration.

On the day they were to leave, he found Jiāng Chéng on the roof of the tallest building, staring at the sunrise as if it were doing him an injury.

"Spending time on roofs is my thing Jiāng Chéng." Wèi Wúxiàn jumped up to him, grinning and pulling him around to snuggle. Jiāng Chéng was cold from the morning air, and Wèi Wúxiàn whined about it, rubbing his body against Jiāng Chéng's until he was warmer.

They bid Jiāng Yànlí farewell, praying she would be healthy throughout her pregnancy. Madam Jīn and Jīn Zixuān both made deep promises to take care of her, looking them in the eye to an uncomfortable intensity. Wèi Wúxiàn wanted to shove Jīn Zixuān off a pier, but there were none nearby.

"Yúnmèng Jiāng thanks you," said Jiāng Chéng, voice tight but genuine.

"Yes!" said Wèi Wúxiàn, bowing to them like a good spouse should. "We thank you."

"Take care of each other," said Jiāng Yànlí, tears in her eyes.

"Always," said Wèi Wúxiàn with a smile.

Jiāng Chéng was quiet, which was not exactly unusual these days, but it was a different quiet. It made Wèi Wúxiàn nervous. Only when they had their next heat/rut and Wèi Wúxiàn reached for the usual bottle did Jiāng Chéng speak.

"It's not there."

"Did you forget?"

"No."

"... oh." Wèi Wúxiàn rolled over to face him. Jiāng Chéng stared up at the ceiling, tense as a bowstring. Wèi Wúxiàn shuffled closer, looking at the side of his face he could see. After a long, long moment, he simply said, "All right."

Jiāng Chéng closed his eyes and nodded. Later, in his sleep, Jiāng Chéng rolled over and snuggled into Wèi Wúxiàn, who was taking his turn to stare at the ceiling. They both knew the wood detailing so well now.

Jiāng Chéng's pulse changed. The doctors congratulated them. Jiāng Chéng rolled his sleeve down and walked out of the room without a word. Wèi Wúxiàn looked from the door to the doctors, who gave him pitying looks. He smiled and chased after Jiāng Chéng, finding him in his office, already bent over the desk. He bounced over and dropped next to him, wrapping his arms around his middle and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"Hey."

"Mn."

"We should celebrate."

"Why?"

Wèi Wúxiàn swallowed, nudging at his jaw, but he couldn't think of how to say why. Still. Wasn't this a joyful thing?

"Because it's what you do when you get this sort of news?"

"Do we?" Jiāng Chéng asked, pulling a letter closer.

"I mean, don't others?"

"But do we? Did we?"

The bottom dropped out of Wèi Wúxiàn's stomach.

"Didn't we?"

Jiāng Chéng shrugged so hard it pushed Wèi Wúxiàn off him.

"I've work to do."

Wèi Wúxiàn stared at the back of his neck. The heat of the day had the soft baby hairs sticking to the tanned skin there. For a moment he wanted to put his lips there. Then, a heartbeat later, he was furious.

"Jiāng Chéng!"

Jiāng Chéng looked over his shoulder, his expression a mirror of his mother at her most contemptuous.

"What? Why are you calling me like that? You want a fight?"

"I want --" Wèi Wúxiàn's voice caught in his throat. The words wouldn't come. He didn't even know how to shape them. How can you shape the kinds of words that were between them? He stood up. "Well I'm happy! You can be as miserable as you want."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

They didn't talk for an entire week. Wèi Wúxiàn slept on the roof every night and drank every day.

There was no announcement, not even when it was obvious. Jiāng Chéng was so lean it took barely any growth to thicken his waist. Still, no announcement was made. Not one servant dared say a word of congratulations. It was clear it would not be welcome.

It started to really get to Wèi Wúxiàn. It felt like he was going insane because Jiāng Chéng was absolutely refusing to acknowledge the situation. There was no cradling of his belly, no whispers to the heartbeat inside. Wèi Wúxiàn was not even allowed to touch his belly. It was all completely ridiculous.

"What's that?"

Wèi Wúxiàn grimaced at Jiāng Chéng's snap. Too late to hide it in his sleeve, he turned around to face his husband.

"It's a toy."

"Why do you have a toy?"

Wèi Wúxiàn waggled it at him.

"For our --"

Jiāng Chéng slapped it out of his hand. It landed on the ground and cracked across the edge. They both stared at it, then Wèi Wúxiàn looked at Jiāng Chéng. His face was pale, and guilt flashed across it before it resettled into a deep frown.

"Don't bring it up again!" He turned on his heel and stormed off.

"You realise that's insane, right?" Wèi Wúxiàn shouted after him.

Another week where they didn't talk.

Jiāng-zōngzhǔ had made it clear that nothing was going to be done to prepare for the incoming child. There was no crib bought, no clothes, nothing at all. Wèi Wúxiàn didn't understand it. It went against everything Wèi Wúxiàn knew about Jiāng Chéng, who liked to plan and prepare, to have backups to his backups. This stubborn refusal to prepare was so out of character that Wèi Wúxiàn went to the doctor.

"What do you want me to do Wèi-fūren?" asked Bái Réncí.

"Make him behave like a rational person! It can't be good for him or the baby to ignore it like this."

Bái Réncí shook her head. "I cannot make Jiāng-zōngzhǔ do anything. Nor do I think it would be good to force him."

"But --"

"Wèi-fūren, I understand how frustrating it is for you, but so far, despite his reticence to discuss the matter, Jiāng-zōngzhǔ is doing everything I ask him to do."

That brought Wèi Wúxiàn up short.

"What?"

"He takes every medicine, he eats every meal, he cultivates as I instructed. He is not endangering the infant with his behaviour."

"So, what he talks to you about it, but not with me?"

Bái Réncí tilted her head to the side.

"Not exactly. I have to choose my words carefully. All my instructions must not mention the baby, or he will say he has work to do, but so long as I simply instruct him as if for his own health and leave the instructions for cultivating a baby with him, he will not fight it."

Wèi Wúxiàn stewed, chewing on his lip. Bái Réncí patted his elbow.

"We all grieve in our own ways. Right now it's more important that the baby is born healthy than anything else. I'm sure Jiāng-zōngzhǔ will talk then. For now, just try to tend to him without drawing attention to it."

"But it's insane to be doing this! Isn't there something you can do?"

"No. I do not think Jiāng-zōngzhǔ is mad, I believe he is still grieving, and afraid to hope that things will go better this time."

Wèi Wúxiàn scoffed. Bái Réncí raised an eyebrow at him.

"What about you, Wèi-fūren? How did you grieve the loss of your son?"

"I just did! Like a normal person would," said Wèi Wúxiàn, exiting before Bái Réncí could reply. That had been no help!

"Wèi-fūren!"

Wèi Wúxiàn turned as one of the younger disciples came hurrying up to him, carrying a package.

"What?"

She bowed. "This package arrived for Jiāng-zōngzhǔ, I was advised to give it to you to pass to him."

"Why not just give it to Jiāng Chéng?"

She blushed,

"I think its contents might ... not be welcome to Jiāng-zōngzhǔ. It will be easier for you to take to him."

Wèi Wúxiàn took the package, spying Jiāng Yànlí's name on the side, and felt the weight of it. It felt like fabric -- ooh.

"Thanks, I'll handle it," he said, walking away from her. He hurried to the farthest part of the sect away from Jiāng Chéng's office. There was an old, currently unused storeroom. Making sure the door was shut tight, he opened the package to find a new baby blanket and a little red outfit for the one hundredth day celebration. His eyes stung as he held the tiny little shirt, carefully embroidered with gold thread into lotus flowers.

He re-wrapped the package and set it on the cleanest shelf. It would be safe here until ... well, until.

Having his own secret hiding spot in Lotus Pier gave Wèi Wúxiàn a warm sense of comfort. Jiāng Chéng might not want to get their child anything, but he could. He had to be careful not to use too much of the sect's money, because Jiāng Chéng would notice a big bill, but he could buy small, or in pieces, for the things he wanted to buy.

After all, a baby needed things. They had had nothing for Lìzhī, not even a crib for him to rest in. Shījiě's blanket had been all they'd been able to get just for him.

The lack of things for Lìzhī stuck with Wèi Wúxiàn, and he scoured the market for new ideas of what else he could acquire. He commissioned a crib made of the best wood they could afford and gave a list of every carving it was going to have. When he needed a break from the tension, he went to the shop it was being made in and carved very careful characters into it to make it the safest, quietest, nicest crib that had ever existed.

No one he purchased from said anything about his need to pay in parts or his request not to say anything to Jiāng-zōngzhǔ.

He bought toys, from a rattle drum to soft pandas to tinkling mobiles for above the crib. Then clothes, hats, shirts, teeny trousers, all for their baby. As a test, he left a hat out for Jiāng Chéng to find, then hid and waited for him to find it. 

Jiāng Chéng came into their room, found the hat, turned white and threw the hat out the window like it was a poisonous spider.

Wèi Wúxiàn retrieved it and hid it in his storeroom with a sinking feeling.

Dàyízi sent them a letter from her labour bed, along with the official announcement of the birth of Jīn Líng, heir to the Peony Throne. They read her letter for every detail of their health and wellbeing, and both of them cried in relief to know she and the baby, an alpha male, were alive and well. Dàyízi gave them as many details as she could about how perfect her baby was, and how she was so grateful for the joyful news she could bring them.

Wèi Wúxiàn cried more alone, an unnameable feeling encompassing his entire being as he wondered exactly what the difference was between Jīn Líng and Lìzhī was that one survived and the other didn't.

Maybe it was just that Jīn Guāngshàn had all the money in the world and could want for nothing to bestow on his first (legitimate) grandchild. 

He should have known he would attract Jiāng Chéng's attention eventually. Jiāng Chéng was busy with the sect, but he wasn't stupid. He caught Wèi Wúxiàn coming out of the storeroom and narrowed his eyes when Wèi Wúxiàn tried to shut the door before he could see anything.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing!" Idiot! He should have said something boring.

Jiāng Chéng raised an eyebrow and reached for the door. Wèi Wúxiàn got in his way, putting his arms around him and kissing his mouth. Jiāng Chéng grunted in surprise, trying to push Wèi Wúxiàn off him, but having a taste of him after so long being at odds fired up Wèi Wúxiàn's libido like a firework. He picked Jiāng Chéng up and pressed him into the wall.

"The fuck --" Jiāng Chéng tried to snarl at him, but Wèi Wúxiàn pulled at his kù and touched his cock, cutting him off with an embarrassing whimper.

It was awkward trying to use his hand to jerk them both off, but Wèi Wúxiàn was nothing if not tenacious. Jiāng Chéng whined and moaned against him, helpless in a way Wèi Wúxiàn had not seen in forever. Like he had missed this just as much as he did. It spurred him on, leading him to bite at his scent gland until Jiāng Chéng came all over his fist. He was only seconds behind him, and they sagged against the wall, Jiāng Chéng's arms around his neck, panting into his hair. Wèi Wúxiàn nuzzled at his throat, love suffusing through his whole body like a warm bath. He lifted his head to look Jiāng Chéng in the eyes and saw something similar looking back. He kissed him again, then bundled him through the sect via the secret passageways to get back to their room.

"These aren't your sex paths!" Jiāng Chéng grumbled, though he was going willingly.

"Things can serve more than one purpose," Wèi Wúxiàn muttered, getting them both on the bed where they moved it from its usual place to a few feet elsewhere with the intensity of their intimacy.

They fell asleep in each other's arms.

Jiāng Chéng got into the storeroom a few days later.

"What the fuck is this?" he demanded, gesturing around the now very cramped space. Wèi Wúxiàn volleyed between the impulse to be sarcastic and honest.

"Obviously, it's a very tiny bedroom for a junior. We ran out of room."

Jiāng Chéng glared at him, cheeks turning pink.

"Why are you hiding all these things?"

"Because you'll throw them out if I don't, because you're crazy."

Well, shit.

"I'm crazy?? You're the one sneaking around and hoarding all this shit." He rubbed a silk shirt between his fingers. "How much money have you wasted in here?"

"It's not a waste! It's for our --"

"You've been stealing from the sect!"

"Not stealing! We need these things."

"No we don't!"

"Yes we do, we don't have a crib, we don't have any clothes -- if we'd had these things before --"

"You think a lack of items is why he --" Jiāng Chéng recoiled, looking sick. Wèi Wúxiàn's hands twitched at his sides. Jiāng Chéng straightened his spine and looked at Wèi Wúxiàn with flashing black eyes. "That is stupid, even for you."

"Well at least I'm getting organised for the future. What have you done to prepare? If you're not going to bother making sure our next kid has a fucking bed, why are we even having one?"

"To protect the sect!" Jiāng Chéng shouted. "If we don't have a suitable heir the sect will always be vulnerable. Or did you miss Jīn Guāngshàn salivating over the idea of putting his second grand child on the Lotus Throne."

"That's why you didn't take the potion?" Wèi Wúxiàn gaped at him in disgust. "That's the only reason you're doing this?"

"What better reason is there?" Jiāng Chéng demanded. "Every sect needs an heir. It's our job as zōngzhǔ and fūren to protect it."

Wèi Wúxiàn was shaking. His stomach turned like he might be the one to vomit. "That is not the reason to make a kid."

"What? You think just because your parents liked each other that's the only reason to make a kid? You think I'd be here if that was the case? Jiě wasn't strong enough to be heir, especially as an omega, so they tried again, and then decided I'd have to do."

"And look how well that turned out," Wèi Wúxiàn shouted. "Look at the cold and careless son they made, seeing their kids as tools of politics. Is that the only reason you cried over Lìzhī?"

Crack!

Wèi Wúxiàn heard the punch to his face before he felt it. Heard Jiāng Chéng roaring, "Go fuck yourself!", before gasping in shock. He heard a soft plop of water hitting the floor.

Oh no.

Jiāng Chéng's second labour was completely different from the first. The first time, the surroundings had been chaos, and they had been relatively calm. Now Lotus Pier was calm, and Jiāng Chéng kept telling Wèi Wúxiàn to leave the room. He refused.

"Zōngzhǔ, you need to focus," said Bái Réncí, patting Jiāng Chéng's knee as she sat on the stool between his spread legs.

"It's too soon!" Jiāng Chéng cried, "It's only been two hundred and thirty four days. It won't be strong enough."

"It's not as early as it could have been, there's every chance it will be strong enough to live."

Jiāng Chéng made a wretched noise, clearly not believing her. Wèi Wúxiàn hadn't realised he'd been counting the actual days. He came up next to him, squeezing his shoulders.

"C'mon Jiāng Chéng, you can do this."

"I know I can! It's the rest --" Jiāng Chéng cut off as he had to push. Wèi Wúxiàn held him up, willing his own strength into his husband.

"We'll face the rest, just concentrate on this now."

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing?"

Wèi Wúxiàn snorted, rubbing his back as he laboured, until Bái Réncí saw the head, then the shoulders. The baby was crying before it was even fully out.

It was alive.

Wèi Wúxiàn would have dropped to the floor if one auntie hadn't kicked a stool under his bum at the right second. So efficient.

"It's here, it -- she's here," he babbled, gripping Jiāng Chéng's arm as Bái Réncí wiped the icky stuff off the baby's face and wrapped her in Dàyízi's blanket, whereupon she stopped crying and settled to a whimper. Gods, she was smaller than Lìzhī. 

"Wh -- what is she?" Jiāng Chéng asked, voice hoarse. He was stiff, all but stuck in the same position he had taken to push her out. Bái Réncí and the aunties handled the cord first, before the doctor examined the baby closer for secondary sex characteristics.

"An omega. A healthy omega girl."

Wèi Wúxiàn beamed. They had their own mini-Jiāng Yànlí. Jiāng Chéng let out a choking noise, opening his mouth to say something, but a grunt of pain cut him off.

"Jiāng Chéng? What's wrong?"

"I need to push again."

"It's the afterbirth," said Bái Réncí calmly, "It shouldn't be as bad."

"I don't think so." Jiāng Chéng screwed up his face and pushed again, putting in as much force as before. Bái Réncí looked bewildered for a moment, looked down and gasped, handing the baby over to the nearest auntie.

"What's wrong?" asked Wèi Wúxiàn, panicked at the idea that now they had a healthy baby but something was wrong with Jiāng Chéng. He clutched at Jiāng Chéng's sleeve, the baby's cries unimportant. 

"There's a second baby!"

Not even the stool could save Wèi Wúxiàn the second time.

Two babies. Two perfect, tiny, omega girls.

Wèi Wúxiàn was in love.

"Look at those perfect little fingers, and your little nails. You're every inch a pair of beautiful mistresses of the nobility, aren't you?"

He had had the servants carry the crib to the birthing room. It was big enough for both of them until he could get a second one made.

The first twin yawned, then her splayed hand touched her sister's, which made the second twin twitch and reach back. Wèi Wúxiàn cooed and rocked side to side.

"They're so cute Jiāng Chéng!" He turned a smile to Jiāng Chéng, but it faltered when he saw the look on his face. Jiāng Chéng lay on the bed, staring into space with no emotion at all. Wèi Wúxiàn straightened up and sat on the edge of the bed, taking his hand.

"Jiāng Chéng?"

Jiāng Chéng didn't respond. He did not seem to hear Wèi Wúxiàn at all. Alarmed, Wèi Wúxiàn gave him a little shake, then a harder one when Jiāng Chéng still didn't react.

"Jiāng Chéng!"

"What?" Jiāng Chéng grunted, his eyes focusing on Wèi Wúxiàn's face.

"Are you all right? Do you need the doctor?"

"No."

Wèi Wúxiàn frowned at him, peering into his face. He was aware they had somewhat left a nasty conversation unfinished -- his cheek still ached from the force of Jiāng Chéng's punch -- but he didn't want to distress him again. What if he made Jiāng Chéng sick?

"What will we call them?"

"Hm?"

"Well, we need names, milk names at least, we have time to decide on their actual names." Wèi Wúxiàn looked into the crib again, smiling at the cuteness within.

"Wēn​gōng and È​chòu."

"Jiāng Chéng!" Wèi Wúxiàn gaped at him in horror. "We can't call them Piggy and Stinky!"

"It's to protect them from evil until they get to their hundredth day." Jiāng Chéng yawned, sinking back into the bed as he pointed at the crib. "Piggy. Stinky. There, so named."

Wèi Wúxiàn couldn't help but laugh, even if he would have liked a say in it.

At least Jiāng Chéng was interested in them.

Piggy and Stinky were the cutest little things, but they had absolutely inherited their mother's lungs.

"Shush Piggy, c'mon, shush," he begged, bouncing her as the wet-nurse fed Stinky. "I know you're hungry, but we don't have a second wet-nurse yet."

Jiāng Chéng had said it was the sign of a healthy sect to have more than one wet nurse, and apparently they weren't there yet. Wèi Wúxiàn had suggested Jiāng Chéng feed their daughters, but Bái Réncí advised against it since Jiāng Chéng's schedule after his month of rest would not be conducive to nursing, and they risked infection if his milk had nowhere to go.

Wèi Wúxiàn could not help but wonder if Jiāng Chéng had asked Bái Réncí to say that so he wouldn't have to nurse their daughters. After all, he had been so disinterested in the pregnancy, would it be any better now?

Wèi Wúxiàn winced at his own thoughts. His husband had just birthed two perfect babies, and had been full of worry about them during. Maybe Bái Réncí had been right.

Wèi Wúxiàn resolved to be a more supportive husband now that their daughters were here. It wasn't like the last time. Not at all.

Jiāng Chéng was quiet during his month's laying in, mostly grumbling about wanting to wash his hair. Wèi Wúxiàn tried to help by combing it out and rubbing oil in, making sure it was shining in the sunlight coming through the window.

"Announcements and invitations are being prepared to send to everyone," he told Jiāng Chéng as he braided it all out of the way.

"What for?"

There was that flat voice again. Wèi Wúxiàn swallowed.

"To tell everyone we have two beautiful, perfect daughters, and to invite them to the bǎi rì yàn."

"Why would we invite everyone? They're omegas."

"So?"

"Big celebrations are held for alphas, because they are heir apparent, while omega are heir presumptive. So it doesn't warrant the same scale. It's not tradition."

"So? I want to celebrate them with everyone."

Jiāng Chéng didn't answer him for a long moment. Wèi Wúxiàn thought he was looking at the twins. Finally, he shrugged,

"Do what you want."

Wèi Wúxiàn kissed the back of his neck rather than argue about it further. 

Jiāng Chéng spent the first day out of confinement checking on the disciples' training. It was good to see him acting like himself again, stern and strong, handsome and just a little mean. It was why Wèi Wúxiàn had fallen for him in the first place. Who couldn't find him attractive?

Jiāng Chéng seemed to be feeling confident to, because they'd no sooner slipped into bed than Jiāng Chéng was climbing on top of him.

"Whoa! Good evening to you too."

Jiāng Chéng gave him a half smile and stooped to nip at Wèi Wúxiàn's lower lip. They kissed and kissed in ways they hadn't since -- well -- since they conceived the twins.

Wèi Wúxiàn went wild with the need to touch Jiāng Chéng everywhere he could get his hands on. He had been kept at a distance for too long, so he was going to touch all his favourite spots, like the inside of his elbow.

"Fuck me," Jiāng Chéng mumbled against his skin. "Ā-Xiàn, fuck me."

Wèi Wúxiàn hesitated, unease rumbling in his stomach. He grinned at Jiāng Chéng,

"I have a better idea."

Jiāng Chéng's eyebrows came together, clearly ready to argue, but Wèi Wúxiàn quickly wiggled his way down between Jiāng Chéng's legs.

"Don't look at it!"

"Why not?"

"It's all damaged."

All the more reason not to fuck him.

"Looks just as nice to me. And anyway, I don't need my eyes. I've got my mouth."

Jiāng Chéng yelped as Wèi Wúxiàn pulled him down, tilting his hips so he could kiss the tiny bud beneath the base of his cock. His hips bucked from that gentle touch, and his opening twitched against Wèi Wúxiàn's fingers where he was resting them. Sensitive, fun.

Wèi Wúxiàn had to restrain himself from being too rough, Jiāng Chéng probably needed gentle handling even if he would never admit it. It was worth it to hear Jiāng Chéng's soft whines and moans rising in pitch as he came closer and closer to climax. Wèi Wúxiàn had his fun bringing Jiāng Chéng to the edge and then pulling him away until Jiāng Chéng kicked him in the back.

"Get on with it you absolute fucker!"

There was the Jiāng Chéng he knew.

Wèi Wúxiàn could only reward him, and just bringing Jiāng Chéng to that loud, long arc of pleasure was enough to make him spill on the sheets. He crawled back up Jiāng Chéng's body and kissed his slack mouth before he could object. Jiāng Chéng whimpered, grabbing his ponytail and crushing them together. Wèi Wúxiàn could smell salt and gently kissed the tears away.

"Shīdì."

A sob clawed through Jiāng Chéng's throat as they nuzzled each other, feeling each other in the dark, drinking each other like dying men on a desert.

"Ā-Xiàn."

"Ā-Chéng."

Jiāng Chéng bit him on the neck. Wèi Wúxiàn laughed.

For a few days everything seemed good. Whatever barrier had been between them for months had crumbled, and Wèi Wúxiàn could touch his husband again. Which he did as much as he could. Jiāng Chéng leaned into him, curled his fingers around Wèi Wúxiàn's wrist and otherwise interacted with him like he had before Lìzhī. Maybe they could make things work now they had two living heirs to raise and dote on.

Then Jiāng Chéng dropped an exploding talisman on Wèi Wúxiàn's head.

"Put another baby in me."

Wèi Wúxiàn reared off Jiāng Chéng so fast he fell off the bed. He had to fight to untangle himself from the blankets and then scurried to the other side of the room for good measure before saying,

"WHAT?"

Jiāng Chéng huffed, rolling his eyes and lying back on the bed, his knees apart and just generally giving Wèi Wúxiàn no peace while looking at him.

"You heard me."

"Are Piggy and Stinky not enough for the moment?"

Jiāng Chéng snorted, "Please! We have nurses and servants looking after them, we're hardly overtaxed by them."

That might have been true, but it stung Wèi Wúxiàn's pride. He loved spending time with the girls, but they did sleep a lot so there was only so much time he could spend with them before his mind wandered to other things. Still --

"It's only been a month!"

"A month and a week."

"Still! Don't you want a break?"

"Don't need it," Jiāng Chéng stretched, his body gleaming bronze in the lamplight but it was impossible to not notice the changes that marked him as a very recently postpartum person. His belly was soft and so was his chest, even with the cultivating he was doing to speed up the milk drying. "C'mon, I know you like doing it. So what's the problem?"

Where to even start?

"The doctors won't be happy."

"It's not their decision," said Jiāng Chéng, reaching between his legs to touch himself. Wèi Wúxiàn was fairly sure he saw a wince of pain being smothered on his face. He gulped,

"No babies unless the doctors say it's safe for you and them."

The rage that crossed Jiāng Chéng's face was soul piercing, something Wèi Wúxiàn didn't think he had ever seen directed at him, no matter what he had done. Not even when Jiāng Chéng was strangling him and blaming him for the invasion of Lotus Pier. He braced himself for a fight, but Jiāng Chéng just yanked the sheets over his naked body and rolled away, putting his back to him.

Wèi Wúxiàn decided to sleep on the roof.

The doctors agreed with Wèi Wúxiàn.

"Absolutely not! Jiāng-zōngzhǔ you would be absolutely mad to conceive again so soon. Your health -- your cultivation! You must wait at least a year."

"A year?" thundered Jiāng Chéng, his face trying to turn red with fury but also white with something else. "What kind of cultivator do you think I am?"

"A fine one, of course. It doesn't change the reality of childbearing. You've had three children, you will need time to recover. There's no getting around that." Her eyes flicked from Jiāng Chéng to Wèi Wúxiàn and back. "If you wish to be intimate with Wèi-fūren, there are alternative ways to --"

"Āiya!" Wèi Wúxiàn waved his hands between them, cutting her off, "We don't need any help there."

"Good. Then there should be no concerns. Dual cultivate if you can, too."

Wèi Wúxiàn nodded, his face flaming, "See Jiāng Chéng? I was right."             

"You think I will be dictated to about what I will and won't do with my own body?" Jiāng Chéng snarled. "I need no one's permission."

"Jiāng-zōngzhǔ is right, of course. However I cannot guarantee the health and safety of you or your child. My advice is the best way to avoid further tragedies."

Wèi Wúxiàn jerked like he'd been hit with Zǐdiàn. Bái Réncí's tone was stern and blunt. Jiāng Chéng's face turned white, and he stormed out of the room without another word. Wèi Wúxiàn vibrated with emotion, rounding on Bái Réncí,

"Did you have to be so --"

"Yes, clearly I did," she said. "Wèi-fūren, you and Jiāng-zōngzhǔ must talk about your loss if you haven't already. This will all repeat again if you don't."

Wèi Wúxiàn shuddered at the idea of living eight months of denial again.

"Fine. I'll -- I'll deal with it."

He really did have intentions of talking to Jiāng Chéng about things, but he couldn't find him and realised with disbelief that Jiāng Chéng had left the sect. Jiāng Chéng hated leaving the sect.

The fear over why Jiāng Chéng had suddenly decided to leave the sect completely drove everything else out of his mind. He ran out into the market, searching for any sign of him. People congratulated him for the joyous birth, but he couldn't enjoy it, not when Jiāng Chéng was just -- gone.

It was past sunset before he had to give up, returning to the nursery to sit with his girls. He sat down between the cribs and let them hold his fingers, letting it ground him in the here and now so he wouldn't go running off like Jiāng Chéng apparently had.

He sat there and ruminated on everything. It still made no sense, the Jiāng Chéng he knew and the Jiāng Chéng he was seeing every day seemed like completely different people. Jiāng Chéng was a worrier, he fussed over the things that mattered to him, like his family and his sect. He could affect a cold air sometimes but it never lasted when it mattered. For all Yú Zǐyuān had been cold and mean, Wèi Wúxiàn had never doubted she had loved her children. Jiāng Chéng was similar, at least Wèi Wúxiàn would have thought so. So why did he want to have another child so fast, as if he didn't find the twins satisfactory?

Piggy started whining and Wèi Wúxiàn picked her up, bouncing her and pulling dumb faces until she fell asleep again. How could anyone be dissatisfied with these perfect babies?

Wèi Wúxiàn heard a thump from their bedroom and knew exactly what it was. He put Piggy back in her crib and went into his bedroom to find Jiāng Chéng disrobing in the stumbling manner of the drunk and angry.

"Back, are you?"

Jiāng Chéng turned to him, pink across the nose and cheeks, failed a glare attempt and just kept failing  to disrobe. Wèi Wúxiàn sighed, crossing the room to help him.

"Lemme alone," Jiāng Chéng muttered.

"No. You like this robe and you're going to rip it."

"So? Doesn't matter, does it? Nothing matters."

Wèi Wúxiàn wrinkled his nose against the smell of alcohol on Jiāng Chéng's breath, focusing on getting Jiāng Chéng down to his underwear, then pushing him into bed. Jiāng Chéng pushed back, trying to get back to his feet.

"Wanna see the twins."

"You're drunk and half naked, why should the twins be subjected to that?" Wèi Wúxiàn snapped. Jiāng Chéng looked him, wide eyed and startled, years falling from his expression. It reminded Wèi Wúxiàn of when he said especially mean things that had struck at a tender spot in Jiāng Chéng's heart. He felt a twinge of regret, but he continued to wrestle Jiāng Chéng into bed, which he allowed but did not help. Jiāng Chéng rolled over to put his back to Wèi Wúxiàn, curling up in a sulk. Wèi Wúxiàn changed and got into bed, putting his back to Jiāng Chéng in turn.

He didn't think either of them got much sleep that night, he started awake at one point thinking he heard someone crying, but all was as silent as Lotus Pier ever got.

Must have been the wind.

They didn't talk about Jiāng Chéng's escapade. Wèi Wúxiàn hoped shame would knock some sense into Jiāng Chéng, and it seemed that might be the case when Jiāng Chéng didn't say anything about getting pregnant again. In fact he didn't say much of anything at all. He gave orders, he taught lessons, but he didn't talk with anyone beyond necessity.

Wèi Wúxiàn took this sulking for what it was. Jiāng Chéng's own problem. He was too busy putting all the things he had bought for the twins into the nursery, filling it with toys and clothes, everything they could need.

Jiāng Yànlí sent a second blanket for Stinky so they both had her loving effort keeping them warm. They were so tiny that even summer was not enough to keep them warm. It filled Wèi Wúxiàn with nerves that they were so small and vulnerable. He vented that stress with more purchases.

Sometimes he came back with new things to find Jiāng Chéng talking to the wet nurses about schedules. Sometimes he woke in the middle of the night to find Jiāng Chéng gone from their cold bed and sensed him in the nursery.

He didn't see Jiāng Chéng hold the babies very often, which was baffling. Wèi Wúxiàn loved to hold them, to feel their slight weight and warmth against his chest. Didn't Jiāng Chéng want to bond with them? Didn't he want to get to know them?

It pissed him off, so he bought more toys.

"You need to stop buying so much shit," said Jiāng Chéng as soon as he walked into the nursery while the twins fed.

"It's not shit. It's nice things for our children," said Wèi Wúxiàn, emphasising the 'our' just in case Jiāng Chéng had forgotten they were the twins' parents. Jiāng Chéng narrowed his eyes at him.

"It's pointless, they won't even use them for months if not years, you're just cluttering up the nursery with useless junk."

"Well. Maybe I felt our daughters needed to be compensated for their diēdie being so distant."

"Of course you think trinkets are proper parenting," Jiāng Chéng snorted, reaching out and snatching the drum rattle out of Wèi Wúxiàn's hand. "How many of these do you think two infants who can't lift their heads need? They already have six each! Stop wasting the sect's money. This isn't like the old days when Fùqīn spoiled you by buying you anything you wanted and used money to make consequences go away. We don't have the same funds to waste on frivolity."

"Well what the fuck did you do to prepare for them?" Wèi Wúxiàn snapped, sensing the wet nurses cringing in their feeding corner. "You didn't even bother to get them a fucking crib!"

Zǐdiàn sparked against the back of Jiāng Chéng's hand and he smothered it with his other hand. Wèi Wúxiàn scoffed, unimpressed, "Where do you get off telling me what to spend money on? You can't even enjoy what we have, you were no sooner done having the twins than you were looking to make another one, because I guess these two don't live up to your perfect standards."

Jiāng Chéng's eyes flashed, and Zǐdiàn sparked again, he didn't even try to hide it.

"You have no idea," he spat, voice choked with rage. "Not the faintest - fucking - idea, do you? How can anyone think you're a genius when you're this stupid?"

"Oh please enlighten me Jiāng-zōngzhǔ! Do you think third time will be the charm on having a perfect baby that will meet all your expectations from birth, instead of disappointments like the twins and Lìzhī were? I suppose things have improved with each attempt, at least the twins survived!"

One of the wet-nurses gasped and Jiāng Chéng went white.

"Don't you dare talk like that and then claim you give a fuck about anything. You can't even be bothered to use your brain to see --"

"See what? What am I missing about the heirs of Yúnmèng Jiāng that disappoints you so much?"

"They can't be the heirs you fucking idiot! They're omegas."

Wèi Wúxiàn laughed at the absurd statement.

"So what? You're an omega and you're the zōngzhǔ. Did you forget?"

"I've never forgotten for one second that I was an omega heir -- the world doesn't even let you forget it. That's the point!"

"What point? So Piggy's an omega, she'll still be a great sect leader."

"She could be the best sect leader in cultivation history and it won't make a damn bit of difference. She will never be accepted because of her secondary sex. You're an alpha, you never had to deal with the constant expectations of being too weak, too emotional, too fragile to succeed."

"So? Who cares what anyone thinks?"

"Normal people!" Jiāng Chéng shouted, which caused the babies to start crying, reminding Wèi Wúxiàn where they were. Jiāng Chéng looked around and seemed to realise too, he flushed pink and stormed out of the room. Wèi Wúxiàn didn't bother to give chase, he just went looking for a strong drink.

They slept in separate bedrooms after that. Wèi Wúxiàn burned with frustrations that Jiāng Chéng didn't think their daughter good enough to be sect leader. The idea of making another child on the half chance it would turn out to be an alpha this time -- what a terrible thing to do to a child!

You should only make children with the person you loved most. Everything else didn't matter.

They avoided each other, somehow managing to avoid crossing paths when they each visited the nursery. Wèi Wúxiàn noticed protective talismans appearing on the walls and windows, on the door and even on the cribs as time went by. Jiāng Chéng thought their daughters needed so much extra protection because they were omega, while he stormed around Lotus Pier, acting more like an alpha than an omega.

It used to be one of the things Wèi Wúxiàn found most attractive about Jiāng Chéng, he wasn't limited by his secondary sex, but now it just reeked of hypocrisy. So Jiāng Chéng could be a sect leader but their daughter couldn't? Only an alpha child made for the sake of their secondary sex characteristics was good enough?

Wèi Wúxiàn avoided Jiāng Chéng even more.

The day before the twins' one hundredth day celebration, Jiāng Yànlí arrived with her husband and son. Jiāng Chéng and Wèi Wúxiàn came out to greet her at the same time, but not together. Jiāng Yànlí hugged them both so tight, and then beamed as she introduced Jīn Líng to them. Jīn Líng was a fat baby, so many pudgy rolls, unlike Piggy and Stinky, who were still quite slim.

Wèi Wúxiàn saw Jiāng Chéng's face light up as he took Jiāng Yànlí's son into his arms. It was an expression he had not seen directed at their children once.

"Ā-Líng," Jiāng Chéng said on an exhale, beaming down at him like he gave Jiāng Chéng air to breathe. Jīn Líng gave his jiùjiu a gummy grin, reaching for Jiāng Chéng's guan as it sparkled in the sunlight. Jiāng Chéng offered his wrist for Jīn Líng to sniff, gaining satisfied gurgles as the baby recognised a family scent. "Jiě, he's so big and strong!"

"Isn't he?" Jiāng Yànlí gushed, stroking his hair, "He's so greedy too, exhausts his wet nurses."

"No surprises there," Wèi Wúxiàn muttered, throwing Jīn Zixuān a look which he ignored. Jiāng Chéng kept a hold of Jīn Líng as he led them towards the sect, letting the baby snuggle into him.

Had he even held their daughters since they were born? Wèi Wúxiàn realised he had never seen him do that.

His insides burned hotter.

"The sect looks amazing," said Jiāng Yànlí, "You two have done so much in such a short time."

Their eyes met for a heartbeat, before Jiāng Chéng looked away.

"It's been a lot of work."

"And you have much to show for it." Jiāng Yànlí patted his shoulder, then smiled at Wèi Wúxiàn, "You both do."

Wèi Wúxiàn could only smile back.

"I can't wait to meet the girls tomorrow," she said, clapping her hands together.

"Why wait? You can come and see them now," said Wèi Wúxiàn.

"What? No!" Jiāng Chéng snapped, "Tomorrow is the hundredth day."

"So? It's Shījiě -- Dàyízi!"

"It's one hundred days for a reason," said Jiāng Chéng, hugging Jīn Líng close.

"It's just a dumb tradition," said Wèi Wúxiàn, "Dàyízi should get to see the twins whenever she wants."

"Ā-Xiàn it's only tomorrow," she said soothingly, "I really can wait."

Wèi Wúxiàn barely heard her, he was glaring at Jiāng Chéng, who was already distracted by Jīn Líng grabbing the collar of his robe and pulling. Another soft, fond, "Ā-Líng," escaped his lips. The heat inside Wèi Wúxiàn burst into flames.

"Why don't you want anyone to see our daughters? Are you that ashamed of them?"

Silence rang around them, all the disciples had frozen. Jiāng Chéng had gone white.

"You think -- how dare you?"

"I dunno what else to think, seeing as you never hold them, or play with them -- do they even know your face yet? They know mine, they smile when they see me!"

"Are you drunk again?" Jiāng Chéng demanded. Wèi Wúxiàn waved a slightly wobbly hand.

"Doesn't matter. Dàyízi, don't you think it's a strange thing that Jiāng Chéng doesn't hold his own kids?"

"Wèi Wúxiàn!"

"Should we go inside for this?" Jīn Zixuān asked.

"Ā-Xiàn, this is not the place," said Jiāng Yànlí, touching his elbow. "Let's go somewhere more private --"

"Why? It's not a secret that Jiāng-zōngzhǔ finds his omega daughters lacking."

"What the fuck do you know?" Jiāng Chéng shouted, "You're always so drunk, you never know what's going on around you!"

"I have eyes, I know what I see. I see you avoiding your children, finding fault with them -- you know you always worried you were too much like your mother, but all I see is Jiāng-shūshu, the way you clearly favour someone else's child."

Jiāng Yànlí gasped in horror, gripping Wèi Wúxiàn's elbow tight.

"Ā-Xiàn!"

Jiāng Chéng laughed, cold and bitter,

"Well, I guess that makes you my mother. Since you feel as hard done by as she did, I guess I should do what Fùqīn never did. Free you from the spouse you never wanted in the first place!"

"Ā-Chéng! Don't say something you can't take back."

"If you want me to leave I will!" said Wèi Wúxiàn, "Why would I want to stay with someone so cold hearted?"

"Then fucking go!" Jiāng Chéng roared, "Leave like you've always wanted!"

"Ah. We seem to have arrived at a bad time."

Wèi Wúxiàn whirled around, finding Niè Huáisāng and Lán Wàngjī standing not far from them. Niè Huáisāng was hiding behind his fan, while Lán Wàngjī was looking anywhere but at them. Niè Huáisāng added, "We thought we'd arrive a day early to catch up with our old friends, but it seems we have come at a bad time."

"It's always a bad time when Jiāng Chéng is around," said Wèi Wúxiàn with a snort. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Get out!" Jiāng Chéng bellowed, voice so loud they could hear his vocal chords straining. Jīn Líng burst into tears. "Get out and go get drunk like you do every day you useless coward!"

Wèi Wúxiàn turned back to yell some more, but he was grabbed by the arm and dragged away. "Lán Zhàn!"

"Why don't we go get something to eat," said Niè Huáisāng, following after them, while Jiāng Yànlí pushed Jiāng Chéng the opposite way. "Wèi-xiōng you promised to show me all the food Yúnmèng has to offer."

Wèi Wúxiàn was shaking in Lán Wàngjī's grip as they finally came to a stop on the outskirts of the sect. Anyone hanging around vanished at a glare from Lán Wàngjī. Wèi Wúxiàn huffed,

"Still so scary Lán Zhàn."

"Wèi-xiōng, what on earth is going on?" said Niè Huáisāng, snapping his fan shut.

"What does it look like? Jiāng Chéng's decided to divorce me."

"Really? It sounded more like you wanted that, and he was just giving you what you wanted."

"I never said anything about divorce."

Niè Huáisāng raised an eyebrow, sitting down in the nearest chair.

"Wèi-xiōng, I don't think many spouses enjoy hearing their husbands call them cold hearted and always a bad time to be around."

"Well, it's true. Jiāng Chéng's poor attitude has gotten so much worse. I should just take our daughters and go, since he clearly prefers his nephew over them."

"I highly doubt that's true," said Niè Huáisāng. "I'm sure Jiāng-xiōng loves your daughters very much."

"He never holds them. He never plays with them. He thinks they're so weak they need every talisman imaginable in the nursery to keep them safe."

"But they are weak," said Lán Wàngjī. Wèi Wúxiàn snarled at him, but Lán Wàngjī simply cocked an eyebrow at him, "They are infants. That is the weakest time of life. Jiāng Wǎnyín is wise to ensure their safety."

"He's not doing it for that! He's doing it because he thinks they can't be the heir!"

"They're omegas, aren't they?"

"So? Jiāng Chéng is an omega. Why should he get to be sect leader and not Piggy?"

"Piggy?"

"It's her milk name - Jiāng Chéng picked it." And now Wèi Wúxiàn thought about it, that annoyed him too. "Why would he name our daughters Piggy and Stinky if he cared about them?"

"... to keep away the evil spirits that might do them harm? It's pretty normal for milk names, right Lán-xiōng?"

"Mn. Newborns in Gūsū get called Rock."

"Just ... rock?"

"Mn. Uninteresting, banal, not worth looking at."

"I guess that's one way to put off evil spirits," Niè Huáisāng shrugged, looking back to Wèi Wúxiàn. "You know, it sounds like Jiāng-xiōng is doing his best to keep them safe. It makes perfect sense considering what happened with your son."

"That has nothing to do with it!" said Wèi Wúxiàn, waving away the painful memories.

"Are you sure? I know it was hard for you both to lose him."

"Well, we did. And now we have two living daughters. We should focus on them." Wèi Wúxiàn climbed a pole to retrieve a jar of bái​jiǔ he had hidden up there. He broke the seal and poured the clear liquid down his throat. When he looked at his friends, they were watching him with obvious judgement. "What?"

"How, ah, how much are you drinking these days Wèi-xiōng?"

"Just a few jars, nothing I can't handle. Jiāng Chéng just likes to nag me about it." He sagged back against the pole, rolling the jar between his hands. Niè Huáisāng hummed thoughtfully, tapping his cheek with his fan. Silence fell between them, Wèi Wúxiàn more interested in his jar, until Lán Wàngjī said,

"Wèi Yīng. It is not easy to be an omega zōngzhǔ. It is sensible for Jiāng Wǎnyín to be concerned for your daughters' future. To not wish for them to experience the same rumours and gossip he endured."

Wèi Wúxiàn narrowed his eyes at him.

"What do you know of it, Lán Zhàn?"

"I hear things," said Lán Wàngjī, looking at Niè Huáisāng who chuckled.

"Lán-xiōng likes his gossip! But he is correct. Jiāng-xiōng would have had to deal with all sorts of doubts. You had a perfectly formed alpha boy, but he wasn't born alive, and that meant your sect didn't have an heir to protect the future."

"I'm aware. Jiāng Chéng only made the twins to 'address that problem'. Such a disgusting reason to make a child."

"Oh Wèi-xiōng don't be so obtuse! Most of us wouldn't be here if not for a need for heirs," said Niè Huáisāng snapping his fan open and shut. "After Jīn Guāngshàn kept hinting that Jiāng Yànlí's second child could be your heir instead of a child of yours and Jiāng-xiōng's, I'm not surprised Jiāng-xiōng decided he couldn't wait to heal from the loss of your son, he had to keep your sect, the thing so many people died for, safe and secure."

Wèi Wúxiàn shook his head.

"Children should be wanted. They should be loved."

"I don't see why the two are mutually exclusive," said Niè Huáisāng. "I'm sure Jiāng-xiōng would say the same."

"You've not been here. He didn't even buy them a crib. I had to do it all behind his back, because he didn't even want to talk about being pregnant."

"Well that sounds healthy," said Niè Huáisāng with a sigh. "It couldn't have been because he was scared to hope things would work out this time? Did you ask him why he wouldn't talk?"

"If he wouldn't talk about it, how could I ask?"

"... well you have me there. But you've never had a problem just talking at him until he paid attention to you. Where's that gone?"

Wèi Wúxiàn swallowed.

"I don't -- well, maybe I just don't want to be nagged all the time and that's all he does."

Niè Huáisāng and Lán Wàngjī both looked at him with obvious disappointment.

"That never bothered you before," said Lán Wàngjī. "You said that was how he showed he cared."

"Did I?" Wèi Wúxiàn shrugged.

"Wèi Yīng. Do you blame Jiāng Wǎnyín for the death of your son?"

Wèi Wúxiàn rounded on Lán Wàngjī before he could think, grabbing his collars and shoving him.

"How dare you!"

"Easy, easy!" Niè Huáisāng tried to push them apart but Wèi Wúxiàn held on, shaking Lán Wàngjī as hard as he could.

"Why would you say that? How could you say that? What do you know of it?"

"Wèi-fūren! Wèi-fūren!"

The urgency in the disciple's voice made Wèi Wúxiàn turn.

"What?"

"Jiāng-dà-gū​niang is sick!"

Wèi Wúxiàn almost dragged Lán Wàngjī with him as he ran to the nursery, his feet moving before his hands released him.

Piggy was crying as Bái Réncí examined her, Jiāng Chéng hovering at her shoulder when Wèi Wúxiàn burst in.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Fever, and the nursemaid said she hasn't been eating."

"Well, how do we fix it?"

"There is little we can do but keep her comfortable and feed her qì and milk as we can. It will be up to her."

"Whatever she needs, get it," said Jiāng Chéng, his eyes fixed on their daughter. "I don't care the cost."

"I will consult my books, but as I said, given her tender age, we can't give her much medicine, her system won't digest it." She wrapped the baby back into her blankets and laid her in her crib.

"What about Stinky? Is she sick?"

"No, but we need to monitor her in case she's just slower to show infection. In the meantime, I suggest we move her into a separate room to hopefully keep her from getting sick too."

"Put her in the zōngzhǔ bedroom," said Jiāng Chéng. Bái Réncí picked Stinky up.

"Wait! How could she get sick, she hasn't left the nursery," demanded Wèi Wúxiàn. "Did the wet nurse pass something on to her with her milk?"

"I'm going to examine them next, but neither of them seemed sick when I saw them."

"What about me?"

Wèi Wúxiàn looked at Jiāng Chéng, who had retreated into a corner, his shoulders hunched and arms crossed over his chest. His voice was so quiet it was hard to hear over Piggy's crying.

"Zōngzhǔ?"

"C-could I have made her sick? Did I bring something into the nursery?"

The audible fear in his voice tugged at Wèi Wúxiàn's heart.

"How could you? You're never in here! If anyone could have it's me, I'm always coming in here to spend time with them."

Bái Réncí gave him an irritated look, then shook her head, "I doubt it, with your cultivation levels, you're not likely to carry any diseases with you." She turned to Jiāng Chéng, "You should stay with her, Zōngzhǔ."

Jiāng Chéng gave a jerky nod while Wèi Wúxiàn scowled at the back of her head, wondering why she spoke to Jiāng Chéng and not him.

"I'll stay too!"

"I know you will, Wèi-fūren." With that, she left with Stinky, the maids taking the crib with them, and shut the door. Leaving him and Jiāng Chéng alone. Wèi Wúxiàn swallowed, glancing at Jiāng Chéng, who seemed frozen in the corner, staring at the crib like it was the Xuánwǔ of Slaughter.

Wèi Wúxiàn kind of felt the same, but he had killed the Xuánwǔ, so he went to the crib and sat next to it, reaching in and sending some very light qì into his daughter's meridians. They were so fine, so delicate he gentled them even more, hoping it would cool her fever. Piggy's cries quietened a little, and she opened her eyes, whimpering at Wèi Wúxiàn. His heart twisted at the sight of her miserable expression.

"Hey. Hey Piggy. Don't worry, you'll be fine."            

He heard Jiāng Chéng finally move around to the other corner, where an incense burner sat. He lit it and a soft, soothing scent filled the room. Wèi Wúxiàn kept his eyes on Piggy as Jiāng Chéng came back and sank onto a stool on the other side of the crib, peering at their baby. His arms and legs were tucked in against his body. 

They sat like that for an age, Wèi Wúxiàn feeding qì into Piggy while Jiāng Chéng just sat there, staring fixedly at her like he feared to blink. It felt like the silence should be broken, but ... Wèi Wúxiàn had no idea how after the way they had left things.

He must have dozed off because when he woke Piggy was not in her crib. He sat up in alarm, but in the same moment he realised Jiāng Chéng was holding her. Jiāng Chéng was white faced, rocking back and forth.

"She won't stop that horrible sound."

"Have you given her any qì?"

"I -- No. What if I make her sick with it?"

"What?" Wèi Wúxiàn stared at him, realising the rocking was not just trying to soothe a baby.

"I don't know what I did to kill Lìzhī - what if it was my qì?"

The bottom dropped out of Wèi Wúxiàn's stomach.

"Jiāng Chéng."

"I thought if I kept my distance they'd have a better chance to survive, because whatever killed Lìzhī didn't kill them when they were born, so maybe I had a chance to keep them safe from me!" Jiāng Chéng rocked faster, his voice pitching up. "I tried so hard not to contaminate them and they still got sick! I should have just stayed out of the nursery for the one hundred days. Then maybe --"

"Jiāng Chéng, stop!" Wèi Wúxiàn edged around the crib and crouched at Jiāng Chéng's feet, reaching up and cupping his cheek, forcing him to stop rocking. "Jiāng Chéng, why do you think you killed Lìzhī?"

"Isn't that what you think?" Jiāng Chéng demanded, eyes bright with tears, "You left me with him, you just walked away. Why would you do that if you didn't think it was my fault? You had to get drunk to come near me!"

"Jiāng Chéng." Wèi Wúxiàn's throat closed tight. He struggled to swallow or speak. "Jiāng Chéng I don't -- I don't think you killed Lìzhī."

"Liar!"

"I'm not -- I never thought that."

"Then why did you leave me when he was born dead?" Tears rolled down Jiāng Chéng's cheeks, his face scrunched up. He was always such an ugly crier, and it always made Wèi Wúxiàn want to rip his own face off. "How could you just walk away from us like that?"

"I didn't -- I didn't know what else to do! I thought -- I thought I would just make things worse."

"I was h-holding our dead son in my arms. How could you possibly make that worse?"

"I don't -- I don't know! I just ... I just ran, I couldn't think -- I couldn't --" Wèi Wúxiàn dropped his head onto Jiāng Chéng's knee.

"I thought you were relieved."

"How could I be relieved?"

"Because you wouldn't be stuck with me if we didn't have a kid. You only married me because of him."

It was worse than being punched in the gut.

"Is that what you think of me?"

Jiāng Chéng hiccuped. "You'd never have married me if I hadn't gotten pregnant. I'm not stupid, I knew that was the only reason you offered."

Wèi Wúxiàn felt sick. He remembered how Jiāng Chéng hadn't looked at him on their wedding night. Had that been because he was assuming Wèi Wúxiàn didn't want to be there?

"I did want to marry you."

"Liar!"

Piggy let out a horrible crackly cry and Jiāng Chéng looked down at her in a panic.

"What's wrong with her? She's not getting better. I shouldn't be holding her, you take her."

Wèi Wúxiàn took their daughter but stayed at Jiāng Chéng's feet. Jiāng Chéng started rocking again, head in his hands.

"Why is this happening? Why do our children keep dying?"

"She's not going to die! She's just sick, we've all been sick before. She's a Jiāng and a Wèi!"

"That wasn't enough to save Lìzhī." Jiāng Chéng slid off the stool and cupped her little head, tears still running down his cheeks. "I really tried to keep them healthy, I didn't know there were two."

"I know."

"No you don't. You were never here. You were always getting drunk and buying useless trinkets like you were stuck in the old days."

"Because I couldn't do anything else! I couldn't grow them, I couldn't talk to you -- you wouldn't even admit it was happening. How was I going to help? All I could do was buy things that Lìzhī never had. If I could have provided more for him, if you had had more food, maybe he would have been strong enough to survive!"

Jiāng Chéng shook his head as if Wèi Wúxiàn was making no sense and continued,

"We made so many plans for Lìzhī. It felt like we'd jinxed him, so I thought if I didn't think about it, maybe it'd go better this time." 

Wèi Wúxiàn shook his head, reaching up for Jiāng Chéng's cheek.

"That's so stupid Jiāng Chéng."

Jiāng Chéng shut his eyes tight, sagging into Wèi Wúxiàn's hold until their foreheads bumped. Wèi Wúxiàn resisted the impulse to crush their bodies together, lest he hurt Piggy. A knock made them spring apart. The wet nurse had been deemed clean by Bái Réncí and had come to feed their daughter. As she sat with Piggy to nurse, the two of them stumbled their way out of the nursery into the dark quiet space between their room and the nursery. Jiāng Chéng collapsed against the wall and slid down until he was curled up on the floor. Wèi Wúxiàn sat next to him, carefully looping their arms together and linking their fingers. Jiāng Chéng leaned against him, head dropping onto his shoulder.

"Jiāng Chéng?"

"Mn?"

"Back when we found out about Lìzhī, do you know what I thought?"

"No."

"I thought, now he has to marry me! There wasn't really anyone else I'd ever imagined marrying except you."

"... you said it was practise. Then you said it was just about handling our needs."

Wèi Wúxiàn cursed his past self.

"I didn't know how else to convince you."

"Do you really think I'd have done any of that if I didn't --" Jiāng Chéng cut himself off, scoffing. Wèi Wúxiàn squeezed his fingers.

"Didn't what, Jiāng Chéng?"

"Don't make me say it."

"I want you to."

Jiāng Chéng groaned, shaking his head and wiping his face, finally muttering, "-love you or whatever."

Wèi Wúxiàn grinned, "Was that so hard?"

Jiāng Chéng glared at him, "You fucking say it if its so easy!"

Wèi Wúxiàn's throat tightened and his smile dropped, "I -- ah ..."

Jiāng Chéng turned his face away. "Forget it."

"No! Just -- let me -- fuck!" Wèi Wúxiàn tackled him, knocking him onto his back and kissing him. Jiāng Chéng did not kiss back, and he sniffled. Wèi Wúxiàn grimaced, pulling back to look down at him. Tears rolled down the sides of Jiāng Chéng's face even as he glared at him.

"You can't even say it. You're such a liar."

"No! No I'm not -- not about this."

"So say it!"

"I -- fuck, do you have any idea how hard it is to say? When the way you make me feel is too big for my big fucking mouth?"

Jiāng Chéng shoved him off, trying to get to his feet. Wèi Wúxiàn grabbed him again, pinning him down.

"Get off!"

"No! You listen to me! I'm not being an asshole, it's literally what it's like. You are like, like the air in my fucking lungs. The core in my dāntián. The blood in my veins. I don't know who I am without you! Trying to say it in such a small sentence is just impossible, because it's not enough. It doesn't mean enough to fit the way I would turn myself inside out for you -- but I'm not the one getting turned inside out. It's you! You have carried our babies and each time I'm terrified you're not going to survive, because that happens all the time. And when -- when we l-lost Lìzhī, it fucking hurt, it broke something in me but at least I hadn't lost you. And you're not supposed to say that, you'd never say that, but it's how I felt! And I didn't know what to do with that when you were screaming for Lìzhī to breathe. How could I say 'well at least you're here Jiāng Chéng' when you clearly wished it was the other way around?"

Jiāng Chéng's eyes were wide, the whites so bright it reminded Wèi Wúxiàn of Little Rosie in the early days when the foal had been easily spooked. He softened his hold, pulling Jiāng Chéng upright, so they were sitting on the floor again, taking Jiāng Chéng's hands and nuzzling his fingers.

"Remember when we got separated after we were hiding in the city? After the Wēn attacked."

Jiāng Chéng's hands shook in his hold, and he nuzzled them again.

"If I couldn't find you, if they'd gotten you, I'd have just lost my mind. I can't be without you, Jiāng Chéng."

"Oh gods, shut up." Jiāng Chéng kissed him, cutting off his rambling, much to Wèi Wúxiàn's relief. It wasn't a very long kiss, Jiāng Chéng dissolved into tears moments later, lowering his face to hide in Wèi Wúxiàn's lap, whimpering Lìzhī's name over and over. Wèi Wúxiàn stroked his hair, his own tears soaking into the silky strands.

"I keep thinking about how tiny the girls are," Jiāng Chéng sobbed, "They're so small, so vulnerable and the world will never let them be. They need protecting and I can't do anything about it!"

"Is that why you wanted to have another kid so soon? So it could be the alpha heir no one could dispute?"

Jiāng Chéng nodded, turning his head to the side, his cheek on Wèi Wúxiàn's thigh,

"You don't know how much it fucking sucks to be an omega heir. I don't want that for them."

Wèi Wúxiàn hummed, "I get it now. I didn't want to before, but I get it. I was just scared it would hurt you to try again so soon. It feels like we're rolling dice with each one, what if you're next?" His breath caught, and he dragged Jiāng Chéng up into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. "Can't ever be you. Never, never, never. You're not allowed to die, Jiāng Chéng."

Jiāng Chéng hugged him back just as tight. They stayed wrapped around each other until the door opened and the wet nurse came out with Bái Réncí. Wèi Wúxiàn didn't let go as Jiāng Chéng tried to stand.

"Piggy?" Jiāng Chéng whispered. Bái Réncí nodded,

"She ate well, which is a very good sign, and I believe her fever is beginning to break. She's not out of the woods, but I am hopeful."

Wèi Wúxiàn burst into tears.

They spent the next few shíchen watching over Piggy, taking turns holding her and feeding gentle wisps of qì into her tiny body. At some point they ended up in a huddle, Wèi Wúxiàn's chest to Jiāng Chéng's back, their arms around their baby, nuzzling and scenting her, until they must have passed out like that.

When Wèi Wúxiàn opened his eyes, they were still tangled up, the sunlight was poking through the curtains, and Piggy was burbling in Jiāng Chéng's hold, that awful raspy sound in her chest almost gone. Wèi Wúxiàn touched her brow -- it was still warm, but not the inferno it had been. He nudged Jiāng Chéng awake, and then went for Bái Réncí while Jiāng Chéng put Piggy back in her crib.

Bái Réncí declared Piggy on the mend, and they both started crying. Bái Réncí shook her head at them and pushed them out of the nursery to check on Stinky, and wash and change.

As they helped each other dress, reluctant to stop touching each other, Wèi Wúxiàn glanced at the small box by their bed. Jiāng Chéng followed his line of sight and sighed. He picked up the box, pressing it to his chest before holding it out to Wèi Wúxiàn. Wèi Wúxiàn tentatively took it, kissing the lid where he had carved Lìzhī's character.

"Maybe tomorrow," Jiāng Chéng said, having to pause and clear his throat, "Maybe tomorrow we can put him in the shrine with his grandparents. They're probably impatient to have him."

Wèi Wúxiàn nodded, unable to pull his face away from the box, more tears falling on the wood. Jiāng Chéng's hands covered his, and they held the tiny box together, both of them clearly struggling to keep their emotions together.

"Tomorrow," said Wèi Wúxiàn. "Today his sisters need to meet their gūgu, gūzhàng and tángxiōng, and we have to name them." His eyes widened, "Oh gods we have to name them Jiāng Chéng! I haven't even thought --"

"Luckily, I have," said Jiāng Chéng, taking Lìzhī's box back and placing it where it had sat for so long. He presented Wèi Wúxiàn with a short list of name choices. "See what you like most."

"... Ā-Chéng, you're amazing." Wèi Wúxiàn could only throw himself on Jiāng Chéng and kiss him again. Jiāng Chéng held him up, accepting the kisses with a fond roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Pick. We don't have much time before the rest of the guests arrive."

"Let's just send them all away and have the day to ourselves."

"We can do that tomorrow, don't be a brat."

Wèi Wúxiàn grinned up into his face,

"But I'm your brat, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I have three brats to worry about now." Jiāng Chéng bumped their brows together, "The fourth I know I'll never have to worry about again. He's always safe now."

Wèi Wúxiàn's throat tightened.

"Y-yeah. You're right. He'll be safe forever."

Jiāng Chéng's hand skimmed the side of his face. "And we'll keep the rest, won't we?"

"Yeah. We will."