Chapter Text
La'an wasn't a fan of conflicts... or romantic drama of any kind. And yet as her "relationship" with Spock became increasingly known amongst the crew with a particular interest being taken by a certain nurse Spock has had a rather turbulent and also well known relationship with, La'an was becoming equally frustrated by the attitude she was receiving from the beforementioned nurse.
La'an didn't mind that she was concerned about Spock. She was even happy that Chapel wasn't blatantly ignoring Spock after they had all they had been through. But as La'an's answers always remained the same, insisting that Spock was doing just fine, she couldn't help but get a certain feeling that the nurse was persistent with her questioning simply due to the fact she was not hearing the answer she wanted to hear.
If she was being absolutely honest, she was starting to get ticked off by the whole ordeal.
"So, does Spock mention me at all?"
La'an took a deep, not quite calming breath as the blonde nurse plopped herself right across from her in the kitchen of captain's quarters, the latter of which organized another one of their quite common gatherings. Pike insisted it boosted the crew's morale and helped them all connect. La'an, although far from being a social butterfly, was starting to enjoy these weekly dinners senior officers got to experience.
She only wished she could spend it enjoying her meal, which was fabulous, thank you very much, instead of dealing with Chapel who insisted on shifting every conversation towards Spock or their relationship.
La'an was getting fed up.
And Chapel wasn't taking a hint.
La'an chewed her food slowly. On a first glance spectators would have through she was savoring the taste whereas in reality she was trying to give Chapel more time to back off, silently willing for her to just drop the subject. La'an could already feel the murmur in the room getting quieter, curious eyes turning in their direction, carefully tracking and policing her reaction.
She swallowed little food she had left in her mouth with great difficulty, the veins in her neck straining with pressure as her pulse picked up the pace. Instead of reacting, she swallowed her irritation with the same effort as her last bite and plastered a forced smile on her face, the lines around her eyes tight.
She cleared her throat. "Christine, please drop it." Chapel's smile faded slightly, the corners of her mouth no longer stretched so wide over the row of white teeth. "I told you numerous times that Spock is doing fine and that you should go and ask him if you have any questions." The fork was placed down on the plate with more force than necessary, the metal hitting ceramic plate with a reasoning echo.
"Spock doesn't want to talk to me." Chapel sulked, her bare shoulders slumping visibly.
La'an glanced around the room, her own shoulders tensing in contrast to Chapel's deflating form. This conversation was starting to irritate her to the point where she could start to hear her own pulse in her ears. It beat increasingly fast, the steady drum oscillating in her brain and rising her anxiety through the roof. Almost everyone was looking in their direction, their faces in deep concentration as they all strained to hear what was happening.
La'an felt sirens blaring in her head.
To make matters worse, Spock was not on this dinner, his work at the science lab keeping him busy. His lack of presence further fueled La'an's turmoil which now looked more like a violent cyclone than a simple thunderstorm of emotions accumulated over the course of the past few weeks.
"That is not my problem." La'an replied tensly, realizing a bit too late that she had remained silent for too long.
Chapel, although brilliant at science and medical field, was absolutely awful at reading between the lines. The hypothesis further proven by the fact that she simply glassed over La'an's reaction and continued to force the conversation that La'an had not desire to participate in.
"I'm just worried about him. We were so close and now he's just so cold to me. He won't even look me in the eye so I was thinking, perhaps he's saying something to you. I'm just... concerned."
It was like a lightning bolt split the sky open, the flash igniting every cell in her already electrified nervous system.
A laugh which sounded more like a menacing chuckle snuck past La'an's lips faster than her brain had the chance to catch up. But once it did, there was no stopping.
The laugh attracted the attention of everyone, even those that were pretending to be engaged in something else dropped their act and focused solely on La'an and Chapel. In the corner of her eye La'an spotted Chris and Una shift on their feet uncomfortably, their eyes set firmly on them.
Not that La'an cared anymore.
"Worried? Really, Chapel? You're just... concerned?" La'an replied sarcastically, her eyes narrowing in warning, almost challenging Chapel to contradict her. "So your constant questioning is just concern? Because from where I'm standing, it looks awfully lot like jealously that he's not miserable."
Silence.
The silence was the first thing that La'an noticed once the words passed the line of her mouth, her voice almost echoing from the walls. Up until that moment she hasn't realized her voice was steadily rising with each passing word until the point where she almost snarled the last part of her sentence. It was suffocating, thick like heavy smog and it hanged in the air, getting into her lungs with every inhale, her brain lit up with only one message - there was simply not enough air. La'an gripped the edge of the table with sweaty fingers, her breath coming out in short bursts, her chest getting tighter with every respiration.
She needed to get out of here.
"Hey." Pike's voice came right next to her ear, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder which made La'an almost jump out of her skin upon contact. She somehow managed to hold in a gasp of surprise, her core straining against the effort to remain still and silent until she is able to breathe normally again. "Hey now. Let's not fight. Okay?" Pike tried defusing the situation, his voice calm but steady, much like the grip he had on her shoulder. La'an wondered if he could feel the enormous strain she was under to keep her body from shivering.
"Captain." La'an croaked, her voice raspy but her eyes dry as a Vulcan desert. She stood up, her legs feeling steadier than her emotions, supporting her as she moved out of his reach, therefore breaking the contact. She straightened her uniform as a reflex, her spine straight as she turned her gaze to Pike. "I apologize for the inconvenience I have caused you. It was unprofessional." Her eyes darted towards Chapel who was still frozen at the spot, her blue eyes wide and almost frightened. She averted her own eyes back towards Pike's sympathetic gaze, one of his eyebrows raised higher than it's companion. "Thank you for the lovely dinner captain. I should take my leave now. I'm feeling... tired."
Pike smiled warmly at her. "Are you sure you're alright lieutenant?"
La'an glanced towards Chapel one more time, her anger now under control. The nurse was no longer stunned but she wisely kept her mouth shut and her gaze averted.
"I am alright." La'an nodded. "I just need to sleep."
Pike's eyes ran between the two women like he wasn't sure what to do with the situation, his lips pressed together tighter than normal. It was obvious he was trying to difuse the situation and deescalate the matter but he wasn't exactly sure on how to proceed.
So La'an decided for him.
"Good night captain." She walked past him without a backward glance, her shoulders and head held high as she strolled out, automatic doors shutting behind her.
La'an walked towards her quarters swiftly, her gait sure but her mind miles away. She wondered if she has been too rough with the nurse who was simply trying to console herself by asking some awkward questions. And even if her reaction has been appropriate, it ceetanly was not professional. She wanted to shoot herself out of an airlock at the mere thought of rumors that were undoubtedly about to sweep across the ship faster than the speed of light. Everyone and their mother will know about her outburst, her private life exposed like a blown up core of a nuclear reactor.
She could already feel the headache coming.