Chapter Text
Lucy comes back to work today.
Tim knows this; he’s had this day marked in his mental calendar ever since she was deemed ready to return to work. After everything she went through with Caleb, Tim knows how strong she is. He just needs to make sure Lucy knows this too.
He’s planned out how today will go. He’s not going to treat Lucy like she’s delicate, taking only the easy calls. No, today they will be running headlong into the most dangerous calls that come through. Training wheels won’t help Lucy right now; he needs to make sure she is confident. That’s priority number one.
He gets to the station early, feeling an unfamiliar sense of anticipation. He doesn’t normally get nervous like this before shifts, and he doesn’t know what causes it. Surely it can’t be Lucy returning; it’s probably the guaranteed action-packed day he’s facing. He pushes the feeling away as he changes into his uniform and begins prepping for his shift.
He feels ready, until Harper seeks him out.
“Hey, so, what's your plan?” She asks, following him as he walks towards roll call.
“For what?” Tim replies, although he’s got a decent idea of what she means. If this were Angela, Tim wouldn’t try to deflect, but he’s still getting to know Harper. His walls remain high for basically everyone; it's nothing personal.
“Officer Chen. I’m sure you’ve got some Alpha strategy to get her ‘back on the horse’. So, what is it?” Nyla clarifies. “Your standard input overload. Force her to push through dynamic engagements. Hone in her fight-or-flight response.” Tim responds, trying to downplay how much he has planned for this.
“So basically get her into as many fights as possible.” Nyla responds, and Tim can see on her face that she doesn’t approve. Tim tries to keep the defensive note out of his voice as he replies, “I’m gonna remind her that she’s a cop, not a victim.” If he thought this would appease Harper, he was wrong. She’s instantly scoffing and saying “She knows she’s not a victim. Look, Chen doesn’t need to fight, she needs to make peace with the voice inside of her head telling her she’s never gonna be safe again.”
Tim picks up on some of the vulnerability in Nyla’s tone, but he can’t help but get defensive again. “Okay, I’ve been training rookies a lot longer than you. I know what she needs.”
Harper gives him a face and is checking him immediately; “That’s ego talking.” Tim squints at her, and she sighs, pausing before starting again; “What happened to Chen is every woman’s worst fear.”
Tim feels like someone has punched his stomach as he’s forced to think about exactly what Harper means. He continues, softer this time, “I’m aware of that.” Nyla is cutting in quickly, responding with, “But you have never lived that fear.”
Tim pauses now. He’s connecting the dots, picking up on what Harper is hinting at, and he realizes she didn’t come here to criticize his strategy for Chen. She has a point- Tim can’t relate to the fears Lucy now has to live with.
Harper continues, “It’s clear that you have her best interests at heart. I’m just asking you to consider whether she might be better served by… someone who has been through what she has been through.” Nyla meets his eyes, and Tim feels like he’s been punched in the stomach for a second time. He has grown up with a sister, he’s been married, and he’s dealt with victims firsthand. He’s always known the statistics and has been aware that the women around him are forced to think about things Tim has never had to. But having Harper stand in front of him, confirming what he was picking up on, he feels like the harsh reality women live has slapped him in the face. His voice is soft as he says, “And that someone’s you.”
Harper gives him a small nod and looks away before meeting his eyes again. He deflates, sighing, and accepts that Harper really does know better in this situation. As much as he was looking forward to training Lucy again, he wants what's best for her. He won’t be selfish and put her well-being above his own.
“Okay. I’ll tell Grey to make the switch.” He says simply, which has Nyla exhaling, giving him a small smile before she walks away from him.
Tim remains where he is, standing in the bullpen, feeling disoriented. While he feels disappointed he can’t be there to see firsthand how Lucy does today, he knows this is what’s best for her. He may still be getting to know Harper, but he trusts she has Lucy’s best interests at heart. He knows he has to shake it off- it's dangerous to let things swirl around your head while on duty. He locks his feelings away along with the information Nyla was brave enough to share with him, and heads into roll call.