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Tony couldn't open his eyes.
Considering how stiff and heavy his whole body felt, that wasn't really a surprise. He must've gotten hit in battle, because he had that unpleasantly familiar tingling sensation of painkillers hard at work.
His nose was a little itchy, so he tried to reach up and scratch it, but his body didn't seem to be listening to him. Was he still in the armor? Maybe he'd gotten stuck somewhere and JARVIS had him on the good drugs to keep him alive. But if that was the case, the HUD was definitely dead. All Tony could see was black.
A moment later, that theory went up in smoke, when the sound of muffled voices reached him through what sounded like a thick blanket covering his ears.
“–an't stay here. She said –“
“I don't give a damn what she said.” Oh wow. Someone was angry. Someone Tony knew very well, though he couldn't for the life of him put a name to the voice right now. “I'm staying.”
“Suit yourself.” Retreating footsteps echoed through the room until the door creaked and the other voice said, “If you want to switch out, let me know.”
“I won't. But thank you.” Steve – because it was Steve, Tony's addled brain had finally put that together just now – was shuffling around, scooting his chair closer to Tony's bed by the sounds of it, before he stroked Tony's hair with soft fingers. Which honestly felt amazing, except it also made Tony aware of the fact that he had a massive headache. Not so fun.
He was clearly in a hospital. The smell of antiseptic was overwhelming now that Tony's brain was awake and aware enough to re-engage his olfactory nerves. There was a telltale beeping of machines in the background, the slightly plasticky texture of the blanket that he was laying on. All of it pointed to the fact that something was seriously wrong.
And Steve was touching him. Which was great and all, except for the fact that Steve didn't do that. Had never done that. What the fuck was going on?
“Sam and Nat say hi,” Steve said, delicately curling one of the strands of Tony's hair around his fingers. The touch was so soft that it was almost unnoticeable, but it may as well have come with a big, blaring alarm horn for how obvious it was to Tony's frazzled brain. “They're on their way back to DC now. Tying up some loose ends. I hope you don't mind that I moved back into the tower for the time being, but my room was still as I left it, and you didn't change the passcode, so I just assumed –“ Steve made a small noise that seemed to stick in his throat. “Or at least I hope that – maybe you won't mind.”
Of course Tony didn't mind. Was kind of thrilled at the thought of Steve hanging around, to be honest. He had no idea why Steve sounded so torn up about it. There was a long pause in which Steve kept delicately stroking the patch of Tony's hair directly above his ear.
“I'm so sorry I wasn't there,” Steve finally said, like the words were getting forcibly dragged from his throat. “When I heard – I guess I never thought that you might need our help.” A shaky sigh. “I really thought you were dead, you know? When they showed it on the news. I –“
Steve trailed off into silence, taking his hand off Tony's head. Tony tried desperately to blink, to twitch his muscles, anything, because the memories were starting to return to him, and going off of all the circumstantial evidence around him, he thought he finally understood what was happening here.
Tony was in a coma. And Steve was pouring out his heart to him because he assumed that Tony wouldn't be able to hear it.
This was bad. This was really fucking bad.
“I should've been there,” Steve said, quiet and pained. “Rhodey said – Fuck, why'd you go it alone? Why give him your address? None of this had to happen.”
Steve sounded angry now, and okay, maybe Tony could play dead a little while longer if it was to avoid a lecture. But Steve had already fallen silent again, and Tony was waiting in suspense, unsure if what Steve said next would –
“I thought I missed my shot.” Tony's heart stopped, his mind reeling. Surely Steve didn't mean – “You'd think I'd learn my lesson after –“ Steve huffed quietly. “But no. And you could've died, without me ever saying anything. Fuck, you could still die.“ Steve's voice was so choked up now that Tony wondered if he was crying. A second later, Tony felt a tentative touch on the back of his hand. “I'm a fucking coward. Even if you wake up, I don't know if I can tell you. Maybe I never will.”
Tony's heart was picking up speed. He could hear it in the beeping of the machines around him, but Steve didn't seem to notice.
“I'm so sorry, Tony. Just – please wake up.” Yeah, Steve was definitely crying. It fucking hurt to hear him like this, thinking that Tony wouldn't – what, wouldn't want him? Wouldn't hear him out? That was the biggest bunch of bullshit that Tony had ever heard.
I hear you, he yelled in his mind. Tell me now. When I wake up, I'll give you an answer.
But of course Steve didn't hear him.
“I miss your voice,” Steve said, so quietly that Tony had to strain to hear it. “I miss you, all the time. I never should have left the tower, but I – everything was so messed up in my head, and SHIELD was an escape, you know? Getting right back to work, no time to think about everything I lost. And now –“ Steve's breathing hitched. He grabbed Tony's hand to hold it properly in both of his. “I didn't think I still had more to lose.”
Fuck. Tony tried with all his might to squeeze Steve's hand. His fingers didn't budge.
“I need you to wake up,” Steve begged, fervent like a prayer. “Please. If you can hear me, please wake up, I –“ Steve stopped abruptly, and Tony tried again, putting all of his effort into it. His hand still didn't move, but Steve must have noticed something, because Tony heard the click of a button before Steve said, “Hello? I need a nurse in room 803. Something's happening with his heart. Please hurry.”
Right. The heartbeat monitor. Tony could hear just how much it had sped up, practically pounding in his chest. Hopefully it would get him closer to waking up and figuring out what exactly Steve was telling him here.
“Tony?” Steve sounded scared now, and shit, Tony never wanted to hear him like that again. It felt like hearing a puppy cry. “Are you –“ Steve sucked in a breath, and Tony internally crowed in triumph, because fuck yeah, his hand had definitely twitched that time. “Oh my god, I – I need a doctor in here,” Steve yelled across the room, still clutching at Tony's hands like a lifeline. “Tony? Tony, can you hear me? Help is on the way, just hold on –“
Tony squeezed Steve's hand again with enormous effort, and Steve laughed tearfully, bringing Tony's hand up to what felt like his lips, just holding it there.
“You're going to be okay,” Steve whispered, and then the door banged open and three more people rushed in, talking over each other, poking and prodding at Tony, sticking him with needles and shining a light into his eyes.
Through all of it, Steve never once let go of Tony's hand.
“Brain activity is picking up,” the doctor said with a smile in his voice. “Mr. Stark might be joining us in the waking world very soon.”
“Thank you so much, doctor,” Steve said. There were a few more platitudes exchanged before everyone but Steve filed out of the room again, leaving them to sit in a not quite awkward silence. “You're already awake, aren't you?” Steve asked, and Tony blinked his eyes open, managing to turn his head the tiniest bit so he could look at Steve.
“Hey,” he croaked, his voice raspy from misuse, and Steve instantly turned away to grab a glass of water with a straw in it, holding it up to his lips. Tony drank the whole thing, sighing in relief when the water soothed his parched mouth. Steve was watching him like a hawk, an unreadable look on his face as he set the glass down again, never taking his eyes off Tony.
“How are you feeling?” he asked with an air of caution that Tony didn't care for at all. Tony cleared his throat, grimacing a little when it made his headache throb in his temples.
“Like I got hit by a truck.”
Steve's brow creased with a slight frown. “From what I hear, it was an explosion.”
“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” Tony tried to sit up but only managed to lift his head about half an inch off the pillow before he gave up and had to take deep breaths through his nose.
“Don't strain yourself,” Steve said firmly, putting a hand on Tony's shoulder – which seemed to be the moment that he realized he was still holding Tony's hand. Steve let go abruptly, a charming little flush rising on his cheeks. Tony hadn't really needed the extra confirmation, but it was nice to have it anyway. “Ah. Sorry about that, I –“
“I missed you too, you know?” Steve's head snapped up so fast he probably gave himself whiplash, his eyes burning into Tony's. “I know it's petty, but I kept thinking that if you didn't want to stay in contact with me, then I wouldn't try too hard either. So that's on me. But I thought about you a lot.”
Steve swallowed hard. “You did?”
“Yeah.” Tony wiggled his fingers. “I was enjoying that, actually. Would you mind?”
Steve slowly reached out to grab Tony's hand again, looking like he wasn't entirely sure if Tony was fucking with him or not. So Tony squeezed his hand and smiled.
“I think you wanted to tell me something?”
Steve chewed on his lip for a second, his eyes darting all over Tony's face. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” Tony stroked his thumb across Steve's, his smile widening when Steve sucked in a sharp breath. “Go on. Tell me.”
Steve let out a trembling sigh before he nodded and gripped Tony's hand a little tighter. “I was wondering – Since I might be staying in New York for a little while –“
“Yes?” Tony asked, when Steve paused a little too long. Steve took a deep breath and continued.
“Would you like to have dinner with me? Once you're feeling better?” Steve looked at Tony for a long moment before he tacked on, “A date. I'm asking you on a date.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Tony said, a little amused but mostly feeling like he'd just won the lottery and cured cancer on the exact same day. “I'd love to.”
“Oh. Okay, great.” Steve huffed quietly, lowering his head. “Wow. Okay.”
“Didn't expect that, did you?”
“I really didn't.” When Steve looked up again, he was wearing the most beautiful little smile. It reminded Tony of the first thing he saw right after his last near death experience – please tell me nobody kissed me – which was a full circle moment if he'd ever seen one. Like they were meant to end up here from the start.
“You're always welcome in the tower, by the way. Since you were wondering. It's your home too,” Tony said, and Steve bent down to kiss Tony's hand, making his heart do a little kick-flip in his chest.
“Thank you,” Steve said quietly. “I guess I'm coming home.”