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She lays there looking up at the ceiling, fan spinning slowly. Her head churns with doubtful thoughts as tears roll down her cheeks. The lingering scent of sex in the night air plays with her head, tainting her self image once again.
Why did I do this? Why did I agree to this?
She feels ugly. Sick to her stomach. Every nasty thought attacked her mind, keeping her from closing her eyes. It seems to be keeping someone else up too. A certain telepath who needs her beauty sleep before the morning chaos.
The pop star can’t handle the mental shame from the night’s activities and gets out of bed, careful to not disturb the two other women in bed. It doesn’t feel natural to her: being attracted to two women at once. It goes against everything she’s been raised on, taught, preached to. Even being bisexual goes against the teachings she’s grown up on. No wonder she can’t sleep.
The woman pulls on a previously discarded shirt from earlier in the night. It smells like a campfire on a summer night, warm and comforting. If only the smell was strong enough to drive Seol’s thoughts away.
The woman’s bare feet pitter patter out of the room, down the large hallway that opens to a balcony that overlooks the foyer. She walks down the spiral staircase, through the house until she’s in the kitchen. She needs something to clear her head but when she opens the fridge, the woman is greeted with white. Nothing. Not even a bottle of water.
Her lip quivers. For some reason seeing the empty fridge is the last straw for the idol and tears begin to stream down her face. She tries to keep things together and wipes the tears off her face. Seol closes the fridge, thinking that she can get a glass of water from the sink.
She turns around and bumps right into the body of a tall, bobbed-haired blonde woman. She’s wearing a fluffy white robe with E.F embroidered on her left breast.
“H-how did you-”
“Your thoughts are quite loud after our… fun little love sessions, darling.” Emma states, crossing her arms, leaning her hip against the counter as she eyes the idol rigorously. “It is intriguing to hear them… and somewhat annoying when they interrupt my sleep.”
Seol’s lips press together. So harsh, she thinks as she turns her gaze downward. Emma, not being as heartless as people make her out to be, lifts the woman’s chin, drawing her gaze back up.
“Let’s talk about it.”
Seol finds herself in a secluded corner of the mansion with a spare bedroom. It’s bland but gets the job done for being a spare. The bed is just as nice as Emma’s California king sized bed and the queen size seems intimate, closer to one another rather than being spread out like boats on an ocean in the other bed. Emma has disappeared for a moment to go get the other blonde mutant to join in the conversation. Seol also figured Illyana would not be happy waking up to an empty bed while she and Seol were in a bed of their own.
When the two get back, Seol sees that Illyana is back in her black underwear. Not that Seol has a problem with it, Illyana is stunning after all. Hell, both of them are. It makes her feel lesser than usual. Seol has struggled with self image issues for a long time and obviously does as much as she can to control how she looks in public. So when she can’t hide her supposed imperfections from her lovers, Seol quickly gets it in her head that she’s not good enough. Her personality. Her abilities. Her voice. Her body. God, she struggles with her body sometimes. Watching what she eats and trying her best to stay at a ‘healthy’ weight. The idol knows that neither of her lovers would degrade her or shame her body or anything of a sort. Still, it plagues her so much.
Illyana, a woman with long blonde hair that’s inches away from her butt and blue eyes that are colder than Seol’s ice powers, is looking softly at the idol as if she's a delicate snowflake. If it were any other time Seol would be annoyed. She never likes being looked at like she can’t hold her own or as a liability but here she’s vulnerable and needs delicacy.
“Hey, baby,” Illyana pulls the blanket back and slides in. She puts herself right up next to the idol, wrapping her arms around the woman and bringing her down under the blanket, putting Seol’s back against Illyana’s chest. “Are you okay?”
Seol shudders. She hates that question. Who doesn’t. She shakes her head, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. The bed shifts as Emma crawls in, taking up the idol’s view. She’s discarded her robe moments before getting in and scoots up close to Seol, sandwiching her in both love and warmth.
“Would you like me to explain, sweetheart?” Emma asks softly, running her fingers through the mismatched hair.
“N-no,” Seol answers shakily, wiping away her tears. “I can do it.” The two women wait patiently as Seol collects herself. “God, it’s… it’s so stupid.”
“Nothing is stupid if you’re hurting this much, dear.” Emma says.
“Especially if it’s something we did.” Illyana adds.
“No!” Seol jumps, fearing that she may have caused some trouble for her lovers. “You two are perfect…. Too perfect for me.” She mumbles that last bit under her breath. Not that it mattered. The two heard it clearly.
“Seol, self deprecation thoughts are one thing, but are you actually telling yourself that your not good enough for us?” Emma questions. She tries to keep the irritation out of her voice but that’s harder than her diamond form. “Keeping thoughts in your head is one thing. Saying you’re not good enough is another.”
Seol can feel the grip Illyana has on her tighten. The teleporting mutant hopes to god that isn’t the case. But it seems god has abandoned her hope.
“I-… have.” She answers weakly like she is caught in a lie. “It’s just so hard to keep them down, locked away, and I just scream them out sometimes. It doesn’t make a difference whether they are inside my head or out in the air. It’s true either way. I’m not good enough for either of you.”
“Careful, woman. This is my girlfriend you’re talking about.” Illyana says, growls actually. She can’t stand the way Seol talks about herself. Illyana can’t see how Seol can talk about herself like that when she’s one of the most amazing people she’s met in the timestream. “She might not be perfect but I’m not asking her to be, especially if I’m half demon basically… it would be hypocritical.”
“And only God knows all the shit I’ve done.” Emma brags. Of course she’d want to one up Seol on being a worse person to make her feel better. “The point that stands in front of us, Seol, in front of everyone, is that none of us are perfect.”
“What about Adam?”
“He’s not part of the conversation.” Illyana says.
“An outlier.” Emma adds
“Technically he’s not even human.”
“An alien born from a cocoon.”
Seol’s brows scrunch in the slightest way. “Wasn’t there a point where you would come out of cocoons after being reborn.”
There’s a long pause.
“Still not part of the conversation.” Illyana restates.
Seol giggles. That seems to have lightened the mood tenfold. That doesn’t mean everything is swept under the rug though.
“You are a bright woman, Seol.” Emma says, leaning to give the woman a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t let these thoughts - these lies - you tell yourself, get to you.”
“Yeah and if you do I’ll lobotomize you.” Illyana grumbles. For some reason Seol gets a feeling that Illyana isn’t joking. “But seriously, are you feeling better?”
Seol nods. “Mhm.”
“Are you sure?” Emma asks, cupping Seol’s chin to bring her gaze up to the billionaire. “It’s good to get out any other lingering thoughts while we’re on the topic.”
Seol knows Emma has scanned her thoughts and there’s so much she wants to say, to explain, to get it all out and no longer have to deal with these terrible thoughts she has about herself. But it’s too much for one night.
“There’s too much to say in one night.” Seol sighs, deflating. “And I’m too tired to air it all out”
Illyana hums, lips brushing against the back of Seol’s neck, planting a soft kiss on the nape. “Understandible.” She mumbles.
“I won’t force you to open up but there is one thing that bothers me.” Emma says. “You’re body.”
It’s not harsh but with how Seol thinks of her body, she fears that her deepest, darkest thoughts are about to become a reality. Instead, she’s met with soft lips against hers. Seol’s eyes grow wide from the sudden action, taken aback, but she quickly settles into the kiss, leaning into the woman’s body. When the kiss is broken, Illyana turns the woman about and captures the idol’s lips once again, filling her with warmth and love.
“Seol, you are a beautiful person, hero, singer, and girlfriend.” Illyana states, brushing the loose strands out of Seol's eyes. “Nothing, not even the timeline, can rewrite that.”
“Stunning like a greek marble carving. Of course, you’re no diamond.” Emma gestures to herself. “But you are a wonderful second to myself.”
Seol rolls her eyes. So Emma, she thinks as she wraps her arms around the woman’s shoulders and brings herself closer to Emma, basically burying her face in the woman’s chest. She smells like sweat with the faint scent of her luxury perfume. Illyana smushes herself as close as possible, nose in Seol’s messy hair, filling her nostrils with the scent of fresh rain.
Seol can feel her chest swell up again, this time it’s being filled with love and kindness she has not only for herself but for her two lovers. She couldn’t have asked better women to love her.