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A/N: There's nothing to be done about this obsession. I just keep writing. This is crack, but I like to do ‘tasteful’ crack if that makes sense.
.o.o.o.o.o.
Ithaca shimmered in the light of the sun in all her perfect glory. Peace reigned now that her king was returned and the struggle for the vacant throne was finally behind them all. Odysseus was with the family that he’d been dreaming of for so many long years. Penelope had accepted him back into her heart, never wavering through all the temptations and tribulations. It was as if their bond transcended time itself.
And slowly, Odysseus was getting to know his son- the boy that had grown up in his absence. It was a beautiful thing to see his own face reflected in those features, to see proof that he’d left his mark on this world through the act of procreation. Telemachus was an earnest and agreeable boy. He’d grown up with the legends, and now that he had a name to put to them, his admiration only grew.
This homecoming was everything Odysseus could have dreamed of, and he was ready to devote the rest of his life to being the best husband, father, and king that he could.
But fate was far too contrary for that.
A calm evening. Odysseus had spent the twilight entwined with his beloved wife, but when he went to the adjacent balcony for some air, a familiar face was awaiting him, balanced upon the railing and looking smug, as though he’d just witnessed Odysseus’ passionate lovemaking.
“Hermes?” Odysseus said, taken aback, covering his nudeness.
“Hello, old friend. It has been a while. You look well,” the messenger god suddenly averted his eyes, as if aware that he’d been staring. “Ahem. It is good to see you back in your home, foes dispatched, crown restored. Lovely.”
“Yes, things have worked out,” Odysseus replied, clearing his throat awkwardly, “and I must thank you for your part in it all.”
“Oh don’t thank me yet, friend. It seems there is a… small … matter yet to be settled,” the god responded, looking… embarrassed?
“What do you mean?” Odysseus asked, confused.
“Uhm, well, the details are a little unclear, which is why I am bringing you this official summons from the court.”
“A summons?” Odysseus repeated.
“Yes, to Mount Olympus, forum of the gods. A most prestigious place for a mortal to visit! Only a few others in-”
“Why?” Odysseus demanded to know, cutting the other off. What else must he do? Why couldn’t these gods just leave him alone?
“Yes… hmmm… It is a delicate matter, darling, and I am not at liberty to say much more about it,” Hermes said through a pleading grimace.
“Am I to be punished for something?” Odysseus asked. Hermes gave an uncomfortable squirm.
“You’re to be returned home afterwards. I’ve at least been guaranteed that much. This is more of a… truth-seeking inquiry.”
Penelope emerged from the bedroom to join him. She had wrapped a sheet around herself. She startled when she beheld Hermes.
“Not to worry, my dear queen. All is in order,” Hermes laughed nervously.
“I’m being summoned,” Odysseus explained to his wife, “But don’t worry. I’ll be back.”
“Yes, it won’t take long,” Hermes promised her. His eyes then roamed over Odysseus once more. “But you should put on some clothes, darling. Trust me when I say that that, ahem, weapon, won’t exactly help your case.”
.o.o.o.o.o.o.
Odysseus was brought into the realm of the gods, up to the heavenly peak that was the domain of Zeus and the gathering place for the pantheon to discuss any and all issues. It was a place of such magnificence that Odysseus was scarcely able to believe his eyes. It was impossible to take in the sheer grandeur. Not even the most costly of earthly abodes could compare a residence fit for gods.
The columns towered up into the clouds. The steps were numerous, but once up in the hallowed halls a familiar face greeted him.
“Athena,” Odysseus said once he saw the helm. Hermes gracefully departed. “What is this about?”
“Come with me, Odysseus,” she commanded, ignoring his question. She brought him to a chamber that was open to the skies. Zeus was seated upon a throne in the center. Poseidon stood before him, turning to watch Odysseus and Athena’s entrance with narrowed eyes. All manners of gods, both greater and lesser were gathered in the stands around them. Odysseus was quite overwhelmed with the power, the portent, and the magic surrounding him.
“Odysseus, I’m going to act as your council today, but I need you to first tell me what exactly happened after you were released from Calypso’s island,” Athena whispered to him as she nudged him forward into the chamber.
“I sailed for home,” Odysseus explained in a low voice that would not carry, still quite confused as to what was happening. “I encountered Poseidon. He… he wanted me to drown, but I forced him to let me go.”
“Forced him how, Odysseus?” Athena said, piercing him with her gaze. They made their way ever closer to the throne and the judging stare of the king of gods.
“I… I used the wind bag, and then I stabbed him.”
“Stabbed him how?” she hissed.
“With his own trident!”
“Oh, Odysseus,” she lamented, voice full of disappointment, putting a hand on his shoulder and steering him onward.
“Athena, what is going on?!” Odysseus demanded. His voice was lost to the crescendo of voices of those gathered. They shouted, argued, and sneered. Across the room, Poseidon, standing with cocky poise, fixed Odysseus with a murderous look.
A thunderclap made them all flinch.
“I’ll have order in my house, cease this squabbling and chatter,” Zeus declared, raising his hand. He then gestured toward the sea god, “Brother, step forward and bring your complaint.” Poseidon smiled wickedly, walking to stand in front of the supreme god.
“God King,” he supplicated, “Brother. I stand here, before you, to ask that this mortal,” his hand whipped out to gesture toward Odysseus, “...be forced to pay for his crimes.”
Zeus let out a slow breath.
“Surely you’re not still talking about the blinding of your son, Polyphemus. I allowed you to see to that matter as you saw fit. You took an outrageous liberty and dealt the mortal, Odysseus, a punishment that was grossly disproportional to his transgression,” the god king stated. Odysseus felt a small glimmer of hope. Whatever was going to happen, perhaps he’d have the thunder god on his side.
“Disproportional?!” Poseidon said, outraged, “The lives of ten thousand mortals wouldn't have been enough! And the man most responsible managed to evade my judgement with help of the meddling wind .”
“You were outsmarted,” Athena called out, immediately coming to Odysseus’ aid, “And you should have taken the loss gracefully.” This ruthless comment was greeted with various noises of protest or acceptance from the jury above them. “We did not convene today because of this,” Athena continued. She then turned fully toward her uncle. Her form was as tall as the sea god’s own, and just as intimidating.
Posiedon wore a poisonous expression, but his eyes flickered back toward the entrance.
“Bring him in,” he growled. A moment later the doors opened and a beautiful sea goddess appeared. Her hair flowed behind her as if caught in a gentle current. Straight and regal, she walked forward until she was under the powerful gaze of the thunder god. It took Odysseus a moment to realize she was holding a child- a tiny infant swaddled and sleeping contently.
“Why have you brought your newborn son before me and this pantheon?” Zeus boomed. Poseidon snarled.
“This child was born to me and sired by the mortal, Odysseus of Ithaca. It was a forced conception and I demand reprisal!” the sea god said as he slammed his trident into the ground near his feet.
“What?” came Odysseus’ breathless response that was lost in the din of the other gods’ shocked exclamations. Surely, this was some kind of joke. Did the gods often joke like this? It seemed that even Zeus was struck dumb momentarily. A goddess stood from the crowd, a withering crown of flowers in her hair.
“Oh, this is just too funny,” she declared. “You dare to cry rape, Poseidon? These are your just deserts!” Another thunderclap had her closing her mouth.
“Enough, Demeter,” Zeus said. Athena stepped forward next.
“Father, this is a manipulation of words. ‘Rape’ is not a apt term to describe the encounter in question. The God of the Sea wishes to hide the fact that he was simply stabbed by his own trident,” Athena announced. It seemed that the goddess that was holding the infant took issue with this. She regarded Athena coldly and her singsong voice echoed into the quiet that followed.
“That trident is imbued with ancient powers. It is a conduit of the wellspring of all life.” Odysseus realized that this goddess was Poseidon’s wife, Amphitrite. Athena appeared dismissive toward this comment.
“I put forward that it is Poseidon's own fault that he put so much of his power into a single weapon and then allowed a mortal to wield it.”
“Allowed?!” Poseidon interrupted, furious. “It was stolen.”
“It was won,” Athena corrected, a smug grin appeared on her countenance, “When he bested you.” The sea god let out an ugly noise.
“It was a conspiracy!” he hissed while turning to Zeus, “A conspiracy, Brother!” Another goddess had stood. She’d been seated right behind Zeus. She was Hera.
“Regardless of how it happened, there is a child, a little godling, whose future is now at stake,” the goddess of family and motherhood sniffed.
“I want him dead,” Poseidon yelled, shoving another, accusing finger in Odysseus’ direction.
“Absolutely not. The child is the result of your arrogance and stupidity, Uncle,” Athena contended. Poseidon cried out in fury, leveling his trident at Athena.
“Silence!” Zeus yelled, voice ringing through the room. He had closed his eyes and was massaging his temple as though the issue was causing him a headache. “This is getting messy.”
In the pause that followed, Odysseus suddenly found himself speaking up. One mortal voice among a choir of gods.
“Will I… be able to see the child?”
This tentative ask was met with deafening silence, and so Odysseus took a breath and stepped up next to Athena, under the god king’s full stare. He was aware of the sea god’s mutinous glare upon his back. “This was something unintentional, and I maintain that I have never been unfaithful to my wife, but no son of mine shall grow up not knowing who fathered him,” Odysseus went on, growing more confident with every word.
Poseidon rolled his eyes and gave a disgusted scoff, as if sentimentality was something to be ashamed of. However Zeus was regarding Odysseus contemplatively. His hand came up to stroke his generous beard. After some thought, he finally spoke.
“I agree with Athena that death is too harsh of a punishment, and yet… some amount of responsibility needs to be taken.”
“I want offerings,” Poseidon declared immediately, “All of them. In all of Ithaca. I want a statue. I want a temple, and henceforth, Ithaca will cease any and all worship to Athena.”
“Why… you!” the goddess of wisdom gasped, coloring with rage.
“Do you accept these terms, King Odysseus?” Zeus thundered, cutting across his daughter’s ready tirade, “The little godling shall call you father, and in return, Ithaca shall accept Poseidon as its patron god?”
“I accept,” Odysseus declared without much thought. He had a child. A child he knew nothing about and never had any intention of siring, but it appeared it was indeed his child. His curious gaze had been upon the baby for some time, trying to get a look at him through the blanket. With the proceedings finished, and the gods above him all discussing the scandal, Odysseus walked boldly to the ethereal sea goddess holding his supposed progeny. She stared at him haughtily, but offered little resistance when Odysseus went to take the child from her.
Immediately, Odysseus was overwhelmed by the preciousness of the baby in his arms. He was as human-looking as could be, much to Odysseus’ relief. Dark hair and eyes as blue and luminescent as the sea. A warm feeling surged up in Odysseus and he offered a finger to the infant, who gleefully clasped it in his fist.
A trident was suddenly digging into his throat.
“Foolish mortal,” Poseidon said from behind him, “You and your paltry kingdom are mine for as long as you shall live.”
Odysseus swallowed as it all began to dawn on him- everything he’d just agreed to, and the fact that he would have to tell Penelope and Telemachus about this.
“Oh, Odysseus,” Athena sighed beside him, beyond exasperated.
.o.o.o.o.o.
A/N: Y’all, Poseidon be getting his child support. You think that shipwreck hair was cheap???