Chapter Text
Lizzy had felt so loved. Deep in her bones, she had felt nothing but love from Theo as he stood up there and gave it all up, for her. The shame of Seadown had once enveloped her, then desperation for the ease of a life as Mrs. Robinson. Now it was only love, just it had been since that first kiss in the garden. Complicated, consuming love.
But now as Theo’s hands cradled her face, as he attempted to slow the rapid tears from falling, Lizzy was utterly terrified. Nan’s words rang in her head, “good luck lying to Theo.” Lizzy was trying to hold it in, and failing valiantly. Theo’s thumbs swiped faster, his voice growing more strained with every new tear that fell.
“What is it, my love,” he asked softly.
Lizzy just shook her head, pressing her lips together to hold back the sobs that had been building up for seemingly weeks. She looked down, at the ground, at the shiny tops of Theo’s shoes, at the blue fabric of her dress gently flowing in the wind. Anywhere but at the man in front of her, who’d just walked away from the only life he’d ever known, and, unbeknownst to him, his child. Pain filled her chest at the thought of Theo leaving. This will all have been for nothing, Lizzy thought, he's lost everything.
The night air is crisp and Lizzy’s skin prickles, her hot tears dry down coldly. Theo’s hands swipe them away one last time before running down her neck, then her shoulders, then pulling her against him into another hug. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, pressing a small kiss behind her ear just as he had so many times before. Lizzy remembers the first time, on the balcony when she’d run to him in a daze, unafraid. It had all been so free then. Making love in every room at Tintagel. Sketching each other’s sunkissed faces (Theo had done a perfect job, Lizzy’s was more a loving attempt). Butchering Shakespeare’s monologues. Pretending it could be forever.
Now it was forever. Or at least, for a little while it seemed as though it could’ve been. For a few perfect minutes, a golden light swallowed the two of them once more. Their life was only just beginning. A small sob escapes Lizzy, crawling from her throat and out from between her trembling lips. Theo’s grip tightens before he pulls away, his blue eyes desperately scanning her devastated face.
“Lizzy, Lizzy,” Theo murmurs. “Tell me, please. What is it?”
“I-,” Lizzy begins, blinking quickly. “I love you.”
The corners of Theo’s lips turn up in a small smile, “I love you too. You know that.”
All Lizzy can manage is a split second of a smile before it all crashes back over her like a thunderous wave. Will it be enough? This love that has blossomed between them, the countless moments of complete happiness? Will she be enough?
“I love you, Lizzy,” Theo repeats, more insistently now, as though he can sense the chasm within her.
“I know, Theo,” Lizzy starts, “But you shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have abdicated.”
Theo squeezes her hands as a small laugh of disbelief escapes him, “why not?”
“Because,” Lizzy chokes out. The words get tight in her throat. She hesitates. But Theo, oh Theo. He just waits patiently for her to gather them. “Because Nan…” Lizzy shakes her head. She can’t get the bigger thing out.
Nan is still a bruise. More like an open wound, actually. One that might heal but will most definitely leave Lizzy with a permanent scar. She’d been so awful to Nan, but looking at Theo now, and letting herself finally imagine a future with him, not just the next clandestine midnight meeting, made everything worth it. Nan loved Guy, anyway, and she had her baby now, too. Enough love to go around, to be swallowed by. Lucky Nan. It seemed she always got what she wanted. Nan had gone on and on about it being her turn to choose.
But Lizzy had spent enough time letting everyone else choose: ahead of her, instead of her, for her. Even now, Jinny and Conchita and even Mabel were giving chase to Nan, and paid no mind to Lizzy’s disappearance. But this moment, this man, this entire life that is just within her reach… Lizzy closes her eyes, and lets it all wash over her. Theo’s hands in hers. The gravel underfoot. Tintagel’s ancient stone steps arching behind them. Moonlight pouring over the scene.
“Nan?” Theo scoffs. “But I’ve just left her. You’ve seen it. Society’s seen it. By morning, it’ll be on the cover of every paper. The entire world will have read about it.” But Lizzy’s reaction doesn’t break or soften, and Theo swallows.
“Nan’s pregnant,” Lizzy whispers.
At first, Theo thinks he’s imagining it, or maybe Lizzy’s misspoken, or misheard, or is pulling some terribly cruel prank on him. But when Lizzy finally looks up at him, he knows her words are true. Her face is white, her hands trembling in his. Lizzy, who was always selfless in her love, did not have the heart to lie, even as Nan wished her luck on the endeavor. And especially not to Theo, who was looking at her with devastation and hope and confusion and pure love.
“And I want this to be clean,” she says breathlessly, her eyes still glassy.
Theo realizes that she’d been talking, rambling really. But all he’d been doing was staring into those big eyes of hers. This happened a lot, actually. Lizzy rendering Theo useless with just one look. Theo often found himself wondering what would’ve happened, if he’d only looked into Lizzy’s eyes sooner. Before his wedding to Nan, or before even meeting her at all. How much time they could’ve saved, how much chaos and heartbreak. I’ll just have to make up for lost time, Theo thought.
“I don’t care,” Theo spits out all of a sudden. It comes out before he realizes it. Lizzy furrows her brows in confusion. “No, no,” he shakes his head. “I do care. I just mean that I love you, and it doesn’t change the fact that I want to be with you.”
“Okay,” Lizzy nods, her heart singing at his words but the tears have begun flowing once more.
“Okay,” Theo smiles, wiping them as they fall. He kisses her gently, briefly, then whispers a promise against her lips, “I’m going to marry you, Elizabeth Elmsworth. God himself would have to come down and stop me.”