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She lied, she lied like last time, and the time before that. She can't stop. She won’t stop. She has to lie. Lie to protect others, lie to protect herself, lying is the only thing constant in her life. Nothing even comes close to how much she lies. It’s like a need. Sometimes she doesn't even catch the lies herself, or she comes to fully believe it. It’s a disease that she has, something that she doesn't know that has a cure for, as if it will always be a part of her life.
Even when she was a little girl who still wore her hair in pigtails, and walked around in tutus and tiaras. A girl who still thought the world was made up of mostly rainbows and unicorns, even though in the back of her head she knew that was fake, but it was one of many lies that she made herself believe.
Stephanie once lied so good about a girl she didn’t like when she was in 4th grade that the girl had to move schools because she couldn’t continue learning with all the hateful things being said about her. But she couldn't stop. She had to lie.
Whenever her father was around, she felt the need to lie about everything she said to him or even around him. She felt as if she told the truth, her father would stay at home more. She knew her father stayed away a lot of the time because he lied all the time. So maybe if she lied too, he would finally get out of her life, disappear completely. But that never quite worked. He would go away for a while, but it always seemed as if he would forever be in her life. A looming darkness in her life, so she dreamed. Dreamed to escape reality, dreamed about putting a stop to her father once and for all. So she could finally stop lying all the time.
She held onto that dream for a while, watching as multiple people started fighting for the city and against it. But when her father got out of jail again and started putting the Cluemaster disguise on once again, she realized even though there were so many people protecting this city, there were still so many aiming to damage the city. Batman and Robin were just too busy to worry about a small-time criminal as ‘Cluemaster’.
So Stephanie had an idea, with her experience in gymnastics and her excellent sewing abilities, she assumed she would be able to help Batman out. She personally wasn't trained enough to fight crime, but maybe if someone left clues for Batman to find, she could have Batman and Robin take down her father for her.
From then on, ‘Spoiler’ was created. From that point, she didn’t lie to just protect herself. She lied to protect her friend, her family, and the city she cared about. She had a solid need to lie now, and she would get to help Batman and Robin take down her dad.
Though she didn’t really work with the big man herself, she did work with his robin though. And don’t get her wrong, working with Robin was great, he was smart, sometimes funny, and incredibly cute. But that didn’t work out, with all the trust that was betrayed and the unfortunate circumstance with her ex-boyfriend. It just didn’t work between them, especially with ‘Tim’ moving and the whole becoming Robin before being shoved out back on the streets. And of course, all the immense discomfort that came with being a shoe-in while Tim was being grounded from the cape. But if anyone asked her about that now, she would just shake her head no and say firmly, “Everything’s completely fine, you don’t have to worry” with a slight smile that she had practiced a hundred times in the mirror.
She would always lie when it came to talking about the past. It became solidified in her mind as a need when people started talking about the time when she died. Again, she would never tell anyone this, but it makes her extremely uncomfortable when someone mentions it even in passing. Like her whole body freezes up and she can't breathe, her mind transports back to that room, to the stench in the air, to that mask.
That nauseating mask, that will always haunt her dreams and nightmares, like she’s his prisoner once again. Being held against her will, being forced to forget what hope even is.
But when she returned to Gotham after being held in Africa by Leslie while healing from the point of literal death. Everything felt different. Everything was now too loud, too bright, too claustrophobic. She felt as if she was choking on the city. But nobody could possibly understand what she was going through. How could a city so big feel so small? The only person who had a chance at understanding was a criminal/anti-hero whom she only met once. So she was alone, utterly alone. And her need for lying was growing. She wouldn’t even let herself start to consider talking about this to Tim. He just wouldn’t understand. He’ll probably give some textbook diagnosis and then baby her for the rest of her life.
She wishes she could feel free to talk about this without being in fear of the judgment that would come with it. Instead of putting on the spoiler costume and jumping from rooftop to rooftop in order to take down the despicable humans that walk Gotham's streets, she took to donning dark clothing and stalking them at night.
The guy she was stalking now was a human trafficker named James Vincent, who has been making what you would call ‘Big money moves’, and said moves are gaining the attention of several gangs around Gotham. So, being highly connected to the criminal world, she dug through her father's contacts. She is now staking out an abandoned building where a contact said a meeting was going on between the trafficker and a known gang associate.
In her defence, she was running on 4 hours of sleep and 5 Red Bulls, so her memory of what happened was a little spotty. All she knows is that they showed up, began talking business, then James started bragging about all the little girls he had in a separate location, and then it was very blurry from then on.
One minute she’s jumping down and knocking out the gang member, then another she’s punching James. All she could focus on was that her fist was beating against his face again, and again. Watching as an indent of her fist becomes more prominent on his, as teeth, spit, and blood fly back at her. The almost tantalizing sound of bone cracking, until it slowly fades. Fading into background noise, with the beat of fist against James' face and the overbearing beat of her heart, until she felt warm blood spray over her face.
Which was a weird feeling since that’s never happened before when fighting, why’d it happen this time? All she was doing was punching the guy, nothing else. It’s not like she would kill a guy.
Finally, looking down at her hands, she realized there was a lot of blood. Almost too much. In her hair. on her cheek. She can feel it everywhere. She can smell it. She can even taste it.
She couldn’t understand what to do. She’s never killed someone before. Sure, she’s thought about it, but hasn't everybody at one point, especially in her line of work? Her hands started to shake violently, and her heartbeat started to get erratic. She was panicking,
She tried wiping off her hands, but there was too much. Digging into her pocket, she fumbled for her phone. Combing through her contacts, smearing blood as she goes down the list. She shook her head as she looked at each contact, imagining their reaction as she told them she killed someone. Some would probably laugh and hang up, while some would instantly block her.
Putting her phone she glances at the body beneath her, glaring at the caved-in face. Cursing anything and everything related to the idiot that could ruin her life. Unless… she pulled off the greatest lie of her existence. She’s lied about countless things before. She just needs to be better. To lie better. What's one more lie if it protects people? The world's better without this guy in it anyway.
So that’s what she did, she began to pull off the greatest lie of her life. She cleaned, she hid, she burned. She did whatever had to be done in order to pull off the lie. Luckily, she was already in a lie before this, everybody believed that she was at home trying to piece her life together. And in case anybody became too interested, she’s been faking interest in one of her dad's old friends. And he’s a total loser, not connected to James in the slightest. It was perfect. And because she lied, she was able to take down a horrible man who would’ve gotten hundreds of people killed, if not thousands.
With nobody suspecting her of going after a high-level "businessman” as he would call himself. She was free. The crime itself looked like a deal that went south, which happens more often than one would think. Batman wouldn’t look into it, nor would Tim, since he’s too busy with another case. Maybe the Red Hood, but he looks like he would understand if she explained his crimes, and that some of those crimes went on in his territory. Maybe he would even help bury it further under all the other crimes going on in Gotham.
But the problem now is that it didn’t terrify her. Taking someone's life was… fascinating. Lying about it was even more exhilarating. But what if she didn’t? What if she didn’t lie? It was so tempting to find out what would happen if she let Batman find out. She wanted to do it again. It was like an itch she wanted to scratch. And she had many people in mind. It was too early now, but just walking around her room, she fantasized all the ways she could do it. All the precautions she would have to take. How close would the bats get to figuring out it was her the whole time?
She was getting almost butterflies in her stomach from anticipation, a constant tingling sensation underneath her skin. Keeping her awake at night. Dreaming of the night she could finally fulfill her need. Her obsession. Her hunger to end someone's life, but it wouldn’t be just anybody. Someone who deserves it. Someone who has overstayed their welcome in this world.
Once again, she can’t stop, she won’t stop. She will lie and lie again if she has to.
And worst of all, for once. Stephanie Brown was ready to not.