Chapter Text
Suho felt a bit run down after the accident, not quite himself yet. He was back at his part-time job, but he was still too weak and tired all the time. The doctors said the recovery would take long but after a few months, he started feeling frustrated and annoyed by the little progress he made. And not having friends didn’t help.
Things changed when he met Baku and his crew of losers. He called them losers, but he was immensely grateful for them. They would meet up during the weekend and suddenly weekends were what he was most excited for, even though he didn’t want to admit it out loud. Usually, he would spend his weekends working or with his grandma, but now he got to spend them playing basketball during the day, talking about nothing at all, drinking sweet-flavoured drinks and maybe sometimes going to clubs. But going to clubs was tricky for him. He would always get a panic attack and had to leave quickly. He would tell the boys he was there the whole time, only they were too drunk to pay attention. Baku knew the truth but never said anything.
Suho couldn’t identify what the trigger was with clubs. Maybe the loud music or the big crowd. Or maybe both. After few visits which ended the same each time, he decided to skip partying all together. It was just not the right time yet. Luckily, the boys didn’t pry, but he knew they must have talked about him. However, their friendship didn’t change, he still got every invitation, and they never treated him differently.
+++
One day, instead of going to the club, they decided to head to a pub instead. Suho was cautious but eventually joined them. Pub was okay. Not that many people, no loud music. There was even a new guy that was supposed to meet them there. Another addition to their loser group. Suho didn’t think much of it, he was just happy to be somewhere else then his room filled with anxious thoughts. Last few weekends he spent by himself or with his grandma and while he loved his grandma dearly, the alone time was killing him.
“Suho, meet Sieun. He’s our certified nerd, so if you need tutoring, just ask him,” was how Baku introduced him.
Sieun looked shy and reserved, with big dark eyes and short dark hair. Suho mentally compared him to bambi.
How cute, he thought.
Cute?
“Stop it, I’m not tutoring anyone, dipshit,” Sieun said with a serious tone, but the corner of his mouth went slightly up, indicating a smile. Sieun looked like someone who didn’t smile often. Suho didn’t understand where that thought came from, but somehow, he felt it.
The group erupted in laughs and Suho was stunned. Small and feisty, he already liked him.
Liked him?
“Who are you calling dipshit, you asscrack? Go sit next to Suho and stop bothering me, aish.”
Sieun made his way next to Suho, sat down but didn’t look at him. Instead, he looked around at the other boys, seemingly interested in their conversations. Suho was watching him, transfixed by him. He knew he was staring but he couldn’t stop. There was something fascinating about the boy. It was Suho who broke the silence.
“So, umm... how did you end up friends with Baku?”
Sieun turned his head to him but didn’t look at him yet.
“I tutored him.”
“I bet he was so stupid that you eventually stopped tutoring, right?”
“Hey, I heard that!” came from the other side of the room. Sieun beside him chuckled.
“Actually, yeah.”
After that, they slipped into a comfortable talk. Suho was the one who kept asking, but he didn’t mind. Sieun answered every time, so that was good. Eventually though, it grew into something else, and Suho started to wonder.
“I really like your outfit,” Sieun said, almost whispered.
For the first time this evening, he looked at him, really looked at him. Being the centre of Sieun’s attention felt amazing. Suho had to smile wide; his outfit wasn’t even styled, he just wore what he always used to do – jeans, t-shirt and his windbreaker. He would even call it boring, maybe.
“Oh, thank you.”
“Do you dress like that to the club too?”
So now Sieun was asking questions, Suho could go with that.
“Oh, no, I don’t go to clubs, too noisy for me.”
“That’s a shame. But I guess you’d bring all the attention to you.”
Sieun looked him in the eyes when he said it. The was a spark in them for a moment and Suho felt like drowning. He was drowning in his eyes, on dry land, drowning in that darkness that would sometimes be chased away with the little sparks. It felt amazing and Suho didn’t feel so weak and pathetic.
It was clear Sieun was flirting with him. He was, right? No one was flirting with Suho anymore, but he could still tell. And now Sieun excused himself to the bathroom but looked at him when he said it. That was a sign. Suho waited for a bit and went too.
When Suho entered, Sieun was looking in the mirror, hands gripping the sink, water splashed on his face. He turned around, looking straight at him. And there was also something else, something in his eyes. Curiosity? Want? Suho could only wonder.
Suho came close and Sieun turned to him. Suho couldn’t help but smirk a little.
“Tell me, am I imagining things?”
Sieun didn’t answer. He kept looking at him with the same indescribable expression. Neither of them moved at first. But then, Suho bowed down a bit, stopped in close proximity to Sieun’s face. He could feel his breath on him. He stopped and gave him a way out; in case Suho read the signals wrong. But Sieun didn’t so Suho just -
dipped down and kissed him.
And Sieun kissed him back. It was electrifying and Suho hasn’t felt like this when kissing someone before. It felt so right, it felt like this is what he has been waiting for this whole time. They kissed for what felt like eternity but could only have been a few seconds until Sieun moved away. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he was about –
cry?
“I’m sorry.”
And just as quickly as everything happened, Sieun ran away. Suho stayed there staring to the wall. It took him a moment to process it and when he came back to the table, Sieun wasn’t with the group.
“Where is Sieun?” he asked, careful not to show too much care.
“Oh, he said his girlfriend called and had to leave.”
Girlfriend. Of course. Of course someone so cute and smart like Sien had a girlfriend. And he just kissed him in the bathroom. Guilt swirled low in his stomach as it dawned on him what has happened. But Sien kissed him back. That must have mean something. Or did he imagine that as well? Suho didn’t know. He sat down again and for the rest of the evening pretended like something wasn’t eating him from the inside.
+++
After that day, Suho hasn’t seen Sieun and Sieun didn’t hang out with the boys either. Baku said he had cram school and couldn’t join them. But Suho knew it must have been his fault too. He was still thinking about the kiss. Did Sieun like it too? Suho wanted to ask him more than anything. But he didn’t have his number and was too ashamed to ask for it.
One day, when he was bored out of his mind with no hang out in sight, he went through his Instagram and looked at Baku’s posts. And there it was. A photo with Sieun. With a newfound feeling of hope, he clicked on the photo and the tag was there - Sieun’s Instagram. He has never clicked on anything this fast as he clicked on Sieun’s username. It wasn’t private, but there were no posts, no profile photo, no bio. Only tagged photos, mostly from Baku and one other account, which could only be his girlfriend’s.
Suho debated not clicking on it, it was not his business. But curiosity got the best of him. Her Instagram was in stark contrast to Sieun’s. Hundreds of photos of different selfies, beautiful locations and photos with or of Sieun. Suho looked at each one of them and couldn’t help but to feel enamoured with the boy. The more he looked, the worse it got. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this but seeing Sieun’s life through his girlfriend’s photos felt interesting. He didn’t know him, aside from the one conversation they had, but this way, he could at least see him.
He got back to Sieun’s profile and decided to apologise. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for this mess, so he drafted a message and hit sent, no double checking.
hi sieun-ah, this is suho. im really sorry for the other day. i didnt know you had a girlfriend but that’s not an excuse. i hope I didn’t cause you any problems. sorry again
He felt better after sending it, the guilt stopped gnawing on him. Even if Sieun kissed him back, which he wasn’t so sure of anymore, Suho was still the one to blame, the one who overstepped, it was the right thing to apologise.
The answer was instantaneous.
don’t text me again.
Suho could only stare at it. He wasn’t expecting much from the start, but this was not one of the answers he was hoping to get. But, message received, Suho would not bother Sieun again.