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Strawberries, Cherry Blossoms, and Red Lights.
It was a gentle fall afternoon when Hyunjin and Chan decided to get out of the studio and go write outdoors. Chan insisted it helped him focus better. Hyunjin had agreed to go on a picnic, though he was looking for more than song lyrics.
“Oh wow! The cherry blossoms are still here!” Chan exclaimed, pointing at a tall dark tree with light pink leaves. He stood on his tip toes, picking a branch and tucking it into Hyunjin’s long hair teasingly. Hyunjin blushed furiously, finding an excuse to look down by pulling out the picnic blanket. “Yeah, they’ll be wilting off soon.” He said, spreading out the checkered blanket and pulling food out of the basket.
“What did you pack to eat?” Chan asked, flopping onto the blanket and setting his notebook and pen out.
“Is that all you think about?”
“No, just one of the things I think about a lot.”
Hyunjin smiled and shook his head.
“I brought strawberries, sandwiches-“
“Those little sandwiches? I like little sandwiches.” Chan pestered, playfully knocking into Hyunjin and peering into the basket.
“Yes, they are little sandwiches.”
“Okay then, continue.” Chan later back, staring at the sky. Hyunjin smiled, taking his sunglasses off his head and placing them on Chan’s face.
“Are you TRYING to fry your eyeballs?” He asked, eyes lingering on his “friend” a beat too long.
Chan shrugged, rolling to his side and picking a strawberry off the paper plate.
“Nooo, your cherry blossom!” He cried dramatically as the flower fell from Hyunjin’s hair, landing innocently into the wicker basket. He reached in to grab it, his hand hitting something plastic. “Why the hell did you bring a plastic knife?” He asked, setting it on the strawberry plate. Hyunjin turned red once again.
“I wanted to cut up the strawberries to make them easier to eat.” He said, meeting Chan’s eyes.
His pretty eyes…
“You know you can just take a BITE right?” Chan teased, flicking a piece of grass onto Hyunjin’s pink sweater. He sighed, picking it off. “I know that, you idiot. Just humor me and my knife.”
Chan smirked, sitting up and facing Hyunjin.
“Alrighty,” He said, taking a bite out of a strawberry.
“Whoa, these are really good!” He exclaimed, wiping the juice off his lips. “Where did you get these?”
“Uhm… the convenience store?” Hyunjin answered. Chan picked up the rest of the strawberry, raising his eyes so they met Hyunjin’s.
“Is this small enough for you, diva?” He asked, gesturing to the half eaten piece of fruit.
“Sure,” Hyunjin shrugged.
Chan shoved it into his mouth.
He choked.
Chan laughed.
“I guess not.” Hyunjin offered sheepishly, opening a water bottle and downing a few sips, coughing slightly. His face burned red and his stomach flipped.
“I’m sorry, Hyunnie.” Chan grinned, wiping Hyunjin’s face with a paper towel. “Dude, can you stop buying these cheap ass napkins?” He pleaded, lifting his shirt and wiping his friend’s face with it.
It took all of his self control not to melt at the sight of Chan’s abs.
“Now where the heck are the tiny sandwiches?” He demanded, pulling the plate towards him. “Now it’s your turn, diva.” He motioned to the plate and opened his mouth.
Hyunjin stared at him.
Chan opened his eyes with an exasperated expression.
“I’m starving over here!”
Hyunjin pretended to be annoyed, but really his stomach was doing laps around in his torso. He picked up one of the perfectly square sandwiches and fed it carefully to Chan, who chomped it dramatically.
“You almost bit my finger off,” He rolled his eyes, pulling it away.
“Good for you,” Chan smiled, satisfied.
Hyunjin sighed, laying down and resting his head on Chan’s chest. “You’re comfortable.”
He murmured, closing his eyes and snuggling into him. “Thanks.” Chan smiled, putting a hand around Hyunnie’s waist.
They sat like that for a while, enjoying the moment. Chan watched the tree sway back and forth, sneezing and jumping slightly as a petal landed on his nose.
“You’re jumpy.” Hyunjin opened his eyes, looking up at Chan.
Chan blushed, changing the subject.
“Uh- song lyrics,” he blurted out, picking up his pen and handing it to Hyunjin.
He sat up slightly, doodling a heart on the notepad.
“That’s for writing, bro.”
“I’m just setting the mood.”
Chan nodded, smiling down at Hyunjin.
“Just start writing random ideas.” He half ordered, fidgeting with his pocket.
“What’s up? You look stressed.” Hyunnie asked, looking up at Chan with his doe eyes. “Oh yeah… I am just trying to focus.” He promised, looking away. Hyunjin tried to say something comforting, his voice catching in his throat. “Is… something distracting you?” He managed to ask, not looking up from the notepad.
Chan blushed, looking down at the notepad to avoid answering. Hyunjin had jotted down a small poem for inspiration:
“Caught your smile in the rearview glow
City lights playing soft and low
Heartbeats sync like stereo
You say “let’s take it slow” — but I already know”
Chan stared at him. “That’s really pretty.” He said as Hyunjin looked up to meet his eyes.
“Thank you. These kinds of lyrics come naturally to me.” He shrugged.
Chan stopped. “Who- do you think of?” He asked.
Hyunnie looked up, confused.
“When you’re writing these lyrics I mean.”
Hyunjin turned towards him.
“Someone I love.” He said simply.
“Is it about… me?” Chan asked, wishing he hadn’t asked as soon as the words left his lips.
Hyunjin melted, trying to play it cool.
“It’s always about you.” He answered, sitting up and meeting Chan’s eyes.
“I-“ Chan said, his cheeks pink with shock.
“I love you.” Hyunjin added, not shy anymore, he moved towards Channie, sinking into him, his nose resting against his arm.
“You smell nice.” He whispered, closing his eyes.
“Th-thank you.” Chan stuttered, pulling Hyunjin in.
“You’re welcome.” He added, taking in the moment.
“This feels like a book.” Chan observed.
“I think something IS distracting you.” Hyunjin teased him, picking up the pen and drawing a smile on Channie’s arm.
Goosebumps erupted up his forearm, not going unnoticed by Hyunjin.
He looked up into his eyes, the pink fading from both of their cheeks.
“I think you’re right, love.” Chan said, pulling Hyunnie’s face closer to his.
“You’re my red light.”
“You’re my escape.”
They kissed.
It wasn’t rushed, but soft and sure. Like they both knew it was right.
It all melted away.
All the blushing, all the uncertainty, all the embarrassment that comes with having a crush.
It was just Hyunjin, Chan, the cool Summer-to-Fall air, the cherry blossoms in the breeze, and the sweet smell of strawberries.
Hyunjin pulled away first, looking at Chan with fond eyes. “We’re never going to be able to focus on music now.”Chan smiled, so close that Hyunjin could feel his breath on his lips.
“I wasn’t going to be able to anyways,” He said pointedly, sinking back into Chan’s arms.
“What do we tell the guys?”
“Nothing,”
They sat like that for a while, sort of taking everything in. Chan smiled, trying to move as little as possible as he grabbed another sandwich as to not disturb Hyunjin.
“You’re such a big back,” Hyunjin teased, looking intently at his lips as he raised the food to them.
“What? You don’t find it attractive?” Chan asked in his honeyed tone that never ceased to melt Hyunjin.
“Whatever you say, pretty.”
A baseball flew from somewhere, knocking the sandwich out of Channie’s hand.
“Sorry! I’m sor- oh… Hyungs?”
Seungmin appeared from behind the cherry blossom tree.
They sprung apart.
“Didn’t know you two were out here,” He said unsuspectingly, picking up the ball.
“Didn’t know YOU were out here, Minnie.”
Chan grinned, tipping his chin in greeting.
“You here alone?”
“Innie’s here too.” He blushed slightly, turning the battered ball in his hand.
“Oh nice.”
Silence.
“Whatchu guys doing?” Seungmin asked, looking at the notepad. “Are we making another red lights?” He asked smugly, sitting down and giving Hyunjin a knowing look, then reaching for the notes.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Hyunjin blushed, pulling the paper away and standing up.
“Time to go?” Chan asked, a little disappointment in his voice.
“Can we go back to the dorm?” Hyunjin asked.
Chan’s face lit up slightly. “Sure.”
They walked to the car, sitting down and buckling up.
“That was interesting.” Chan teased, though he was still melting over what just happened.
*at the dorm.*
Chan opened the door to the commonspace for Hyunjin, keys jingling as he sat them on the table.
They both sat down on opposites ends of the sectional couch, a little awkward.
“Is no one else here?” Hyunjin asked, looking around.
“I don’t think so,” Chan answered.
“Jeongin and Seungmin are playing baseball, Felix is shopping, Changbin and Han are in the studio still, and Lee know is god knows where.” He added, counting off the members on his fingers, which ironically reminded Hyunjin of the “cheese” hand choreo.
“It’s so quiet.” Hyunjin chuckled, picking up a mint off the table. Felix had set them out in a little gold bowl earlier that day.
“Gimme one of those,” Chan practically demanded, stretching out on the couch. Hyunjin rolled his eyes, opening a mint and shoving it into Chan’s mouth.
“That was aggressive.”
“Why are we always feeding each other food?”
The laughed quietly for a minute.
Hyunjin slid closer to him… leaning on Chan’s leg, which was popped out sassily.
“Why do you lay like that?”
Chan smiled, “I have no clue.” He said softly, pulling Hyunjin into him.
“What now?” He asked, his face creasing with stress.
“I don’t know, we don’t need to figure that out right now.” He answered, brushing hair out of Hyunjin’s face, knocking a loose cherry blossom petal from it.
They sat still for a while, tension between them.
“I keep replaying it. The kiss, the strawberries- you.” Chan said softly, leaning in.
Hyunjin began to lean in closer, he knew what was coming…
Then he stopped.
“We shouldn’t do this. We can’t be a thing.” Hyunjin whispered, still close enough that Chan could feel his breath on his lips.
Chan froze, the warmth of Hyunjin’s words lingering like a ghost. “Why not?” he asked, voice barely audible.
Hyunjin looked down, eyes flickering with something heavy. “Because I don’t want to lose you,” he said. “If this goes wrong… if we mess it up… I don’t know if I could handle that.”
Chan’s heart cracked a little. He reached out, gently brushing Hyunjin’s hand. “You’re not going to lose me,” he said. “You’ve had me for a long time. You just didn’t know it.”
Hyunjin blinked, tears threatening to spill but never quite falling. “I’m scared,” he admitted.
“I am too,” Chan said, smiling softly. “But I’d rather be scared with you than safe without you.”
Hyunjin let out a shaky laugh, the tension melting just a little. “God, you’re cheesy.”
Chan leaned in, resting his forehead against Hyunjin’s. “You love it.”
“I do,” Hyunjin whispered. “I love you.”
Chan pulled him into a hug, tight and warm and full of everything they hadn’t said until now. “I love you too.”
Hyunjin looked up, eyes full of tears that had escaped.
Chan smiled and sighed.
“You don’t have to hide your emotions around me,” He promised, wiping the tears from his face.
“I know,” he said simply, looking into Chan’s eyes.
“Can I…”
Chan’s heart fluttered, but still he teased.
“Not when you taste like tears, kitten.” He laughed slightly, wiping a tear from Hyunjin’s lower lip.
“Much better.”
They leaned in, sure this time. The fairy lights twinkled on the table, illuminating the room in a romantic way.
Their lips met, and they melted into each other.
It was slow, with not a care in the world.
It gave “so what if we get caught?” In every language.
Hyunjin smiled, laughing slightly.
“What?” Chan asked, also starting to laugh.
“Nothing, just you.”
“You and me.”
“Mhm.”
Hyunjin pressed his forehead against Chan’s, closing his eyes.
No one knew, and maybe no one ever would. But that didn’t make it any less real.