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beomgyu's not happy with huening kai. how did huening kai, someone who has been an idol since 2019, make such a rookie mistake like that? he's so naïve sometimes, like he's really just a kid. but that doesn't excuse him from what he's done. he should've known better! now beomgyu has to get his phone number changed so he can stop getting calls from sasaeng fans. none of this would've happened if kai had just thought about what he was doing before he did it.
beomgyu decides he won't talk to him anymore. to prove just how angry he is, in a way. he goes around telling everyone not to talk to him, just for today, to make him realize what he did was wrong and apologize.
"beomgyu, i'm failing to see how this will make anything better-"
"just trust me, okay?" he snaps. he's not acting like the beomgyu they know anymore. he's been constantly agitated since that day.
taehyun shuts his mouth with a sigh. there's no convincing him.
soobin and yeonjun bring up similar concerns, but beomgyu shuts them all down with defense after defense that, frankly, don't make much sense. but there's no point in arguing with a brick wall. they all agree, just for today, and tomorrow they'll all be back to normal.
how they wished beomgyu stuck to his word.
practice was awkward. their maknae had come in, loud and giggly and happy as always, but the more he tried to talk to them, the more he realized they weren't acknowledging him, and eventually he wound up being silent for the rest of practice. beomgyu happily chatted with everyone else except kai, and everyone honestly forgot kai was there. the only time they'd address him was when he was in a group, but even then there wasn't much directed towards him specifically.
they didn't hear from him that night. he stayed in his room, too ashamed to come out. his plate sat on the table all night, and when soobin came out early that morning to check on him, he found the once steaming food now ice cold. he cleaned up the abandoned food, resulting in him forgetting to go to kai's room. kai was gone when yeonjun went to wake him up. he wasn't up early in their practice room, and he wasn't in any solo rooms. they were worried, and they couldn't help thinking the worst.
their maknae is dead.
they quickly realize that kai is not dead, thank god. yeonjun lectures soobin for making them worry as if the idea wasn't contributed to by everyone, resulting in a bothered glare from the leader.
"we should be looking for him, not arguing about who brought up the idea of his death first!" soobin shouts defensively.
"what can we do though?" taehyun asks. it's rhetorical, they know it is, but something about knowing that they can't do anything nor do they know what the first step would even be is gut-wrenching. "we have things to do. as much as we want to, we can't spend our time looking for him. either we all get in trouble for doing the right thing, or kai gets in trouble for doing the wrong thing. i love kai, i do, but i think it's for the best that we just let it go."
they can't argue with that. getting in trouble won't do them any good. so they let it go. they let their thoughts and worries of kai go to focus on work.
kai comes back to an empty dorm in tears. he got lectured for not showing up to his practices, and he got it hard. is this the rest of his life? being shunned by his members and being yelled at by his managers? he didn't mean to do something so bad, really! it was a horrible mistake. but this isn't a punishment. this is torture.
kai locks himself in his room once again, initiating no contact with anyone outside of his room. he's tired of being overly punished for things he doesn't mean to do. why can't they just let him apologize before taking such drastic measures to get their point across? he knows he messed up, but this is just rubbing it in his face that he's never gonna be loved again.
he's tired.
the doorknob jiggles, signaling it's locked. taehyun sighs, knocking on kai's bedroom door. "hey, kai. it's taehyun. you didn't show up to any practices. are you feeling well?"
there's no response.
taehyun can't help scoffing. why can't kai just let it go? but no, he has to sulk in it for forever until he decides at some point that he's fine again. taehyun leaves, giving up on attempting to contact kai.
kai has cried into his pillow for two nights now. he asks his plushies all the time if they hate him, and most of the time they say yes. he doesn't want to leave his room anymore. he doesn't even want to see anyone anymore.
lea's the first person that's not mad at him to speak to him. she's oblivious about the situation and is simply just sending him a message to see how he's doing. she does it frequently, and kai is always honest with her. that's not gonna change now just because he's struggling. as soon as the message is verified as read, it only takes a few seconds before his phone starts to ring.
"kai? what's going on?" lea asks, panic clear as day in her voice.
"lea..." he mumbles before breaking down into tears.
confused and scared, she spouts off question after question. "kai? hey, talk to me, kai-yah. what's happening? why are you so upset?"
"they hate me, sissy! they hate me!" he cries into the phone.
"who? are those dumb bullies saying mean things to you again, ningie? aish, i'll find them, seriously!" she threatens.
"uh uh, binnie hyung and jjunie hyung and beomie hyung and hyunnie hyung. they hate me." kai's voice is broken, not an ounce of anything left in it besides pure sadness.
"your members?!" she asks, voice high pitched with shock. "what? why do you think they hate you?"
"made a mistake," he tells her, but he's scared to say just what his mistake was.
"jesus... you made a little mistake, and now they're mad at you? i'll knock some damn sense into them, thinking they can mess with my little hueningie."
"wasn't a little mistake. was a big one."
"it couldn't have been that bad, kai."
kai is silent, only the sounds of sniffling coming from his end. "showed beomie's number on live..." kai admits softly, ashamed of what he's done.
the next time lea speaks, her voice has softened. "oh, kai... is that what happened?" he nods, but soon realizes she can't see him, so he makes a noise of confirmation. "it was just a mistake, kai, just an accident. why not try talking to them?"
"they're ignorin' me."
lea mumbles something, but it's too quiet for him to understand. "okay... that's fine... how about... you try telling them you're sorry? even if they don't listen to you at first, still apologize to them. it's not your fault this happened, it was just an accident, but they could possibly see it differently and be placing the blame on you."
he never thought about that. "'kay... go do that now." lea wishes him good luck and he hangs up.
he's scared. he hates that he's scared of his members, of all people. he could be scared of murderers or stalkers or anything, but he's not right now. he's scared of his hyungs. he hasn't been scared like this since his trainee years and first year of debut.
kai finds himself in front of a door. he's not sure who's in there or even whose room is being blocked off by the door, but he knocks anyways. someone calls out for him to come in, so he does. he twists the doorknob and opens the door. soobin's lying in bed.
kai stares at him, and they say nothing. it feels awkward. soobin staring at kai, confused, and kai staring at soobin, teary eyed.
finally, soobin speaks up. "what is it, kai?"
that's the first time kai's heard his name without it being associated with anger or trouble in two days. it breaks down his resolve, and he's falling to the floor, sobbing into his hands.
alarmed, soobin gets out of bed, approaching the maknae. "kai?" he asks wearily, scared of triggering more tears, and kneels next to him.
"please don't hate me! i didn't mean to! i'm sorry! i don't wanna be in trouble anymore!" he sobs loudly. he's scared to touch soobin. he doesn't want to be lectured or ridiculed or maybe even shoved away. he just wants to be loved again.
"i'm sorry, kai," soobin apologizes. "we didn't mean for this to happen, really. beomgyu wanted you to understand how frustrated he was. we didn't mean for it to go this far. this wasn't okay for us to do, but we were so blinded by beomgyu's anger that we didn't even consider how you felt. it was only supposed to be a day. we wouldn't talk to you, and then that was it. everything would be fine tomorrow. but you didn't come out for dinner two nights in a row, and you weren't in your room this morning when yeonjun went to wake you up. we couldn't find you, but we had practices to attend and it cut our time looking for you so short that we had no time at all. taehyun tried to talk to you earlier tonight, but he wasn't getting any response from you. we were so worried you were dead, kai. we aren't mad at you, i promise."
kai doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything at all. he sits there and he cries. soobin moves to hug him, but he's so scared that he pushes himself away. soobin looks heartbroken, but at the same time he knows he messed up. the damage caused is irreparable.
"what's all the noise?"
kai looks up to see beomgyu's face, and it only makes him cry harder. his words won't come out anymore. he stands up, wiping away his tears, and pushes past beomgyu to run back to his room. beomgyu watches him go, confused.
soobin stands up as well and doesn't say a word to beomgyu, slamming the door in his face.
nobody slept well that night, and it's obvious. soobin is snapping at everyone, yeonjun's not making any jokes, beomgyu is sitting in silence, taehyun's refusing to interact with anyone, and huening kai is absent again.
they barely speak to each other. soobin doesn't show up to practice, and neither does kai. beomgyu's first to leave, deciding he's not staying "for no reason." taehyun sighs and tells yeonjun he can practice on his own before exiting the room and going out to the market. yeonjun chooses to do just that, hoping it can help him blow off some steam.
soobin's checking every room in the house, looking everywhere for kai. he's worried sick about him. he already checked the company rooms, even if it took forever.
"mama?"
soobin whips around and is face-to-face with kai. "kai..." he whispers, tears gathering in his eyes.
kai tilts his head. "what're you doin', mama? why're you cryin'?"
soobin pulls him into a hug, tears falling down his cheeks. "oh, hueningie. i love you so much, my ningie."
"love you too, mama."
soobin pulls away to hold kai's face in his hands. "please don't forget that, kai-yah. don't forget it."
kai shakes his head as he promises, "won't forget." he reaches out to brush the tears off of soobin's cheeks. "what's wrong, mama? why're you cryin'?"
"i feel so bad for what i did to you," soobin admits softly. "you mean so much to me, hyuka. i'm so sorry."
"i's okay. gotta forgive people you love."
soobin smiles. "you sound so mature. who told you that?"
"beomie hyung did!"
that almost sends soobin back into tears. "beomie hyung is right," soobin admits, voice breaking. "you should always forgive the people you love. let mama make everything better, okay, ningie?"
"okay, mama."
soobin lets kai cuddle with him while they watch molang in the living room. yeonjun comes home, and kai jumps up to greet him. "hi, eomma!"
yeonjun looks startled. he's about to ask what happened to him being upset with everyone, but soobin's sharp gaze keeps him from saying anything about it. "kai? are you little?"
"uh huh! me and mama are watchin' molang." he points at the tv, where molang and his friends are bouncing around on the screen. "see?"
"are you having fun?"
"yeah. come watch with us?" kai requests hopefully.
yeonjun looks like he's having an internal war with himself before he decides on saying, "i'm all sweaty, hueningie. let eomma take a shower first, alright?"
"'kay, eomma! have fun!"
"i will, ningie," he promises, and leaves to go shower.
kai runs back up to soobin and bounces happily. "eomma not mad. eomma still love me."
"eomma always loves you," soobin assures him. "c'mon, come watch molang with mama."
"okay!"
as yeonjun's joining them on the couch, taehyun comes home. "who's home, kai?" yeonjun asks, gently pushing him to get him up.
"i's hyunnie!" he cheers. when kai sees the bags in taehyun's hands, he furrows his eyebrows and looks up at taehyun. "hyunnie have gifts?"
"no, there's no gifts, just some food." he says sadly. "i just wanted to restock a bit."
"ohh. gonna put it away now?"
"yep, i have to or some things might go bad," he explains as he sets the bags on the counter and starts pulling stuff out.
"okay. can i help?" kai offers, but taehyun quickly rejects.
"no, it's alright. go back to watching molang with eomma and mama. i'll come join you when i'm done, okay?"
"okay!" when kai comes back to yeonjun and soobin, he looks elated. "didn't even have to ask!" he whispers happily, and yeonjun smiles at him, giving him a thumbs up.
taehyun's joined them already when the door opens for the last time. there's only one person it could be. despite this, yeonjun asks him. "who is it, kai?"
kai doesn't get up. he scoots down in soobin's lap and curls up, covering his head with his arms like he's under a table during an earthquake. maybe this feels like an emotional earthquake to him. when the footsteps get closer, kai whimpers. he doesn't want to see beomgyu, because that means he'll be in trouble, and he's sick and tired of being in trouble.
"what's going on?"
soobin starts to talk, and just from his voice they all can tell he's not willing to let anyone else speak. "we're watching molang with kai. he hasn't been feeling great recently, so i thought it would help him."
there's no response for a while, and kai is almost convinced beomgyu walked away. but then his voice comes back. "is he okay?"
"i don't know. but he's regressed, so at least that's a good sign that he feels safe enough to regress around us."
"oh, so he's not sick."
"no, beomgyu," soobin grits out his name, "he's sad."
"why?"
it's quiet for a few seconds, and the tension is so thick you couldn't cut it with the sharpest knife.
"because there are some people that haven't been treating him very well recently, and he doesn't deserve to be treated like he's worthless because he made a mistake. everyone makes mistakes. some mistakes are bigger than others, and some mistakes have longer lasting effects. but in the end, they are mistakes, and mistakes always deserve to be forgiven."
beomgyu seems to understand where soobin's going with this now, because he's gone silent. kai is afraid of making a noise or even moving, so he stays hidden behind his arms. taehyun and yeonjun are silent. they know better than to interrupt soobin when he gets like this.
all soobin gets from beomgyu is, "oh."
"'oh'? that's it? no 'i'm sorry for doing this, kai'? 'i still love you, kai'? he gets nothing?" soobin snaps.
"i didn't say that, i'm just frustrated that he-"
"no, i don't want to hear it. he made a mistake. yes, it was bad, but he didn't do it on purpose. you're acting like he did it on purpose, and you need to realize that he didn't. you're the only one in the wrong for acting like this now."
the room goes quiet again. molang is playing in the background, but it's muffled to kai. his ears are ringing, and he feels so scared. yeonjun must be able to tell, because he puts his hands under kai's armpits and pulls him into his lap. kai immediately presses his face into yeonjun's shoulder. all he can think is to hide. cling to his eomma and don't let anyone see his face. he can't do anything to make beomgyu upset if his eomma's around.
"i'm sorry."
soobin looks up at beomgyu. beomgyu's head is tilted down, his chin almost pressing into his chest as he stares at the floor. he's ashamed.
"what?" soobin asks gently.
"i'm sorry," beomgyu repeats. "i've been so... i don't know how to put it into words. i don't know. unnecessarily angry? but i think i needed to hear that. i'm sorry for how i acted. i acted so stupidly. and i'm sorry for treating all of you like that, especially kai."
there's a bit of shuffling, and there's a few seconds of silence, but then there's someone's speaking to him.
"kai-yah."
it's beomgyu.
kai doesn't respond. he pulls his shoulders up to his ears, trying to hide away. beomgyu's so mad at him, and he doesn't want to deal with his anger anymore. he wants beomgyu to love him again.
"kai, it's beomie hyung. beomie hyung is so sorry for what he did. beomie hyung will do everything he can to make things better. will you forgive beomie hyung?"
kai is still for a while. nobody tries to pressure him into responding, and nobody speaks after beomgyu. yeonjun rubs his back comfortingly, silently telling him it's okay.
eventually, kai lifts his head. he looks over at beomgyu, but instead of looking up, he has to look down at him. beomgyu's kneeling in front of him, his eyes looking just slightly glossier than usual. beomgyu holds his hands out, trying to smile softly through his lower lip twitching.
kai starts to reach for his hands, but he quickly pulls them away in fear. "not mad, right?" he asks hesitantly.
beomgyu finally breaks. a tear slides down his cheek, and he laughs wetly. "of course not, kai-yah. beomie hyung's done with being mad. he was being mean and acting silly, wasn't he?"
kai nods with an affirmative hum. he reaches for beomgyu's hands again, and he rests his hands on top of beomgyu's. "but i's okay now, beomie hyung. forgive you 'cause i love you. that's what you said to do."
"i did, didn't i?" beomgyu's voice wavers.
the other three members stay silent. beomgyu and kai don't speak for a while either, but they don't have to. they're both okay with being silent after that.
the first person to speak is kai. "molangie?" kai requests softly. now that everything's okay, they can watch molang together happily.
"yes, of course. why don't we rewatch this episode, hm? where's the remote, soobin hyung?"
soobin hands him the remote, and beomgyu immediately starts rewinding the episode. he squeezes onto the couch with them, laughing at the other three's complaints. kai doesn't mind them being squished together. he probably shouldn't have a say since he's sitting on yeonjun's lap and could easily lie across everyone's legs, but still, his point stands. he likes when they're like this, squished together on the couch, because it feels safe. it feels like home.
despite their protests, nobody's truly upset, and it's obvious. soobin is gently scolding the others to be quiet so they can hear the tv, yeonjun's complaining about someone jabbing him in the ribs, beomgyu is laughing obnoxiously because it's him who's doing it, taehyun's watching the chaos unfold with a smile on his face, and huening kai is feeling content right where he is.