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“Паук. You’re needed in the interrogation rooms.” [Spider]
Petra’s head snapped up. The interrogation rooms? Petra only went to those after she had brought a live target back, but she hadn’t been on any missions lately. She stood and followed the guard, curious as to what was happening. The guard led her through the winding corridors of the Red Room until they arrived at a locked door, which the guard unlocked for her. She walked inside to see a man who seemed unremarkable, except for the fact that he wore a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform. She turned to the guard, waiting for orders.
“He’s refusing to talk. Make him.” With that, the guard left. Petra turned to face the agent, scanning for anything she could use against him.
“You’re S.H.I.E.L.D.. I know you think you’re loyal, but this would be heaps easier if you told me what I wanna know.” She strolled over to the table full of blades and guns, and picked up a small knife that’s been made to fit in her hands, making a show of inspecting it.
“You’re a kid. I don't know how you got caught up in… all this, but this isn't the only way to live. You don’t have to do this.” Petra scowled. Of course she didn’t want to do this. Her Mum had taught her that it was wrong. But what this man didn’t seem to understand was that she didn’t have a choice. There was no way out, no life outside of the Red Room. She couldn’t afford the empathy she had when his voice shook, not if she wanted to survive.
“This is my life.” She walks back over to him, still holding the knife, chin held high. “What’s your name?”
“Look, kid, I’m sorry but-”
“I don’t want your apologies. I want your name.” She examines him again, a cold look on her face. “I’m sure you have people back at home… A parent? Sibling? Wife?” Even if the man’s face didn’t change, his heartbeat betrayed him. Petra heard as it sped up, fear for his lover flooding through his body. “A wife? How sweet. It would be such a pity if something were to happen to her.” The man’s face paled quickly this time, and Petra’s grin widened. She didn’t enjoy doing this, was merely an actor performing for her doomed audience, a final performance before she killed him, but one that would get them to tell her everything.
“I’ll ask you one more time. What is your name?”
“Benjamin Parker.”.
Petra awoke with a start. Another nightmare of the Red Room. She had gotten out. Her mum and her were free, so why was she still dreaming about it? She didn’t want to threaten that man, Benjamin, with his wife, but she needed to get that information, and threats were always the most efficient and painless way to get it for both parties. She still had to kill him. No one got captured by the Red Room and lived to tell the tale. But his wife, who Petra had later learned was May Parker, never got captured, since her husband told Petra everything before it had come to that. Petra was always glad when that happened. One less person she had to kill, one less person whose heartbeat she didn’t have to hear give out as the light faded from their eyes.
Shaking her head to clear the memories, she jumped up onto the ceiling and headed into the kitchen. It had been more than two months since they had escaped the Red Room, and her new reality had finally started to settle in. Petra still trained most days, with Clint or her mum usually joining her. She had even caught Fury watching occasionally. It was probably to make sure she was still up to standard, since one of the conditions for getting a pardon was that she and her mum both had to work for S.H.I.E.L.D.. They had accepted the conditions, and had been on a few missions since then, mainly just gathering intel and making a few arrests that were about the police’s paygrade. The change in pace was refreshing. Petra was so used to kill after kill, but S.H.I.E.L.D. never made her do anything worse than knocking someone out.
She made it into the kitchen of the on-base S.H.I.E.L.D. apartment she and her mum had been given by Fury. She settled into a corner on the ceiling before she heard her mum’s footsteps.
“Bad dream?” Petra nodded, glad that she hadn’t needed to wake her up. Perks of being ex-assasins.
“Do you wanna stay up there, or come down and have hot chocolate with me?” Petra drops down from the ceiling, landing silently, and leaning against her mum.
“Hot chocolate. Please.” She watched the drink being made, and they both sat on the couch once it was done.
Petra eagerly sipped at hers, relishing in the taste. Hot chocolate was still new, since they would never have been allowed anything close to it in the Red Room. When Clint had realised this, he had claimed he would fix the “worst crime in the history of all existence”. Upon trying the hot chocolate he had bought for her, Petra had immediately agreed with this assessment.it was amazing. In fact, all chocolate was amazing, more so than any other food she had tried since her escape. Clint, clearly excited by her discovery, had proceeded to buy her so many types of hot chocolate, as well as so many different topping people apparently put on it, that she now had an entire shelf dedicated to it.
By the time she had finished her mug, she felt her eyes start to close. She leaned closer to her mum, and slowly drifted off to sleep.
“Petra.”
Petra almost flinched at the voice, but still managed to throw her knife accurately, hitting the centre of the target. Fury never spoke to her while she was training. He would just watch for a bit then leave. Until today, apparently.
“Yes?” She turned away from the targets, and walked over to Fury.
“It’s time to set you and your mother up with a team. Since you both know and have trained with Barton, he will be on your team, as well as another agent, who I want you to meet now.” A woman walked in, and no, surely it wasn’t-
“This is May Parker.”
Petra froze. May Parker. Wife of Benjamin Parker
Benjamin Parker, who she killed.
She needed to get out of here.
She ran, not focusing on where she was going, but managed to get back to the apartment. She curled into a ball on the ceiling, her breaths coming in short, sharp gasps that made her dizzy. She knows that she killed plenty of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents while she was in the Red Room, but she hadn’t actually met anyone who had known them, who would blame her. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t just go back and apologise, because it wasn’t a mistake, it wasn't a small thing that could be fixed with a few words. She had killed Ben Parker, knowing exactly what she was doing. He was dead, and it was all her fault, and-
“Petra? It was her mum. She wouldn’t judge Petra, she wouldn’t hate her. But everyone else? Everyone else would.
“Мама, мама, они все будут меня ненавидеть, мама, они будут так злы, и это все моя вина.” [Mum, mum they're all going to hate me, mum they're gonna be so mad and it's all my fault]
Her mum’s clearly concerned, but just tries to keep soothing Petra.
“Дыши, паучок. Давай, сделай вдох.” [Breathe, little spider. Come on, take a breath.]
It takes a while, but eventually Petra is able to get her breathing back under control, with her mum’s help. She crawls down from the ceiling, and sits next to her mum on the floor. She doesn’t want to move, to have to explain, but she knows she’s going to have to, even if no one else makes her, because she can’t just not tell someone, she can’t carry the weight of this alone anymore. So she takes a breath and just says it, because even if she needs this, it doesn’t make it any easier.
“I killed Benjamin Parker, Mama. I killed him, and now his wife is here, and she doesn’t know. ” Her mum’s face softened in understanding, and she pulled her closer so Petra’s head was resting on her shoulder.
“It’s not your fault, Маленький Паук.” [Little Spider] “Just because you were the one to pull the trigger doesn't mean you did it willingly. The only thing to blame here is the Red Room.”
“I know. Well, I know, but sometimes it’s hard to believe.”
“I get it, I do. But just because it’s hard to believe it doesn’t always mean it isn’t true. And I’ll keep reminding you of that, day after day, until you can say it with as much confidence as me. Ok?”
“Ok. Thanks Mama.”
She must have drifted off after that, because next thing Petra knows she opened her eyes to see she was on the couch, and her mum was humming quietly in the kitchen. She got up and headed into the kitchen.
“How long was I asleep for?” She asked as she sat next to her mum, and started to sip at the mug of hot chocolate that her mum had already had waiting for her.
“A few hours. I talked to Fury, explained what you told me. He’s not mad at you, Маленький Паук”[Little Spider]
“Really?” She hadn’t even considered the possibility that he wouldn’t be mad. But her mum wouldn’t lie to her.
“Really. After I told him, we went to explain to Agent Parker, and I promise you she wasn’t either.”
“Why?” Petra’s voice is quiet, but she just can’t understand why no one’s mad at her.
“Why isn’t anyone mad? Because, they know you didn’t have a choice. That you only did because you had to. Agent Parker does want to talk to you, but just so she can make sure you know she isn’t angry. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I think I want to.” She’s not sure, if she’s being honest, but if Agent Parker really isn’t mad, then surely there wasn’t any reason not to say yes?
After she finished her hot chocolate and changed into something she hadn’t fallen asleep in, Petra and her mum headed into one of the common rooms around the base, which was empty other than Agent Parker. Petra gave her mum a hug and headed in alone.
“Hi Agent Parker. Sorry for freaking out before.” She sat on the armchair across from her, and Agent Parker smiled at her.
“Just May is fine, honey. And don’t worry about it. You had every reason to panic.” May’s voice was warm and not too loud, and something about it put Petra’s anxiety at ease.
“Ok. Thanks May.”
“It’s not a problem. I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you know that I’m not mad at you for what happened to Ben. I know you didn’t have a choice, and I don’t lay any of the blame on you.”
“B-but I killed him?”
“You were a kid, hon. Still are. The fault lies with those who forced you into the life you had, the ones who made the plans and cared for nothing other than their success.”
“Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.”
“Anytime honey. Just so you know, Fury is still planning on putting me in your team, but if you aren’t comfortable with it I can ask him to move me to a different role.”
“No.” Petra says immediately. “I want to be on a team with you, if you really don’t mind.”
“Of course kiddo. Now, I heard your mum was heading to the training rooms. Want to go join her?”
“Yes! I’ll race you!”
“You’re on.”