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At this point, Sonny would prefer it if Tat Soda and Eager Brands decided to fist fight in a Denny’s parking lot. A swift, easy resolution. No logic puzzles involved. But then again, this book would probably have him find the flaws in the insults they would hurl between punches.
“Which of the following, if true, casts the most doubt on the validity of the conclusion that Eager Brands is a stupid, petty loser?” He threw his pencil down on the coffee table.
Rafael snorted.
“Had your fill of logical reasoning yet?”
“Fuck this. I’m seeing loopholes in everything and I don’t even know what’s rational anymore. I’m actually losing my mind.” Sonny shoved the book off his lap. Rafael was curled up in his armchair, writing on a legal pad, doing actual, legal work.
“Just wait until you get to Bar prep. I was in so deep that my dreams were haunted by nonsense laws and a Supreme Court Justice—who looked like my mother, which was even more frightening—chasing me down with a chancla.”
“Great. That’s certainly something to look forward to.”
Rafael gave him a small smile.
“Do you want help?”
“Raf. You’re naturally good at this stuff. How much do you really think you can help? I mean, I’m probably making mistakes so dumb that you won’t be able to figure out where I went wrong.”
Rafael frowned at him and then put his work down on the arm of his chair.
“I got a 140 on my first try, and then studied my ass off to get a good score,” he said. “No one is naturally good at that stupid test.”
“You don’t need to lie to make me feel better,” Sonny mumbled.
“When have I ever lied to you?
Sonny picked at a loose thread in the blanket over his lap.
“Listen. That test has nothing to do with talent or intelligence. It’s meant to prepare you to think like a lawyer, and it’s not a natural way to think for most people. It’s something that has to be trained. That’s what you’re doing right now.”
Sonny was silent. He knew that one test didn’t define him, but it was frustrating to make the same mistakes over and over. He knew how to work hard and be patient. It had been a slow climb up the ranks until he finally made detective last year. So why the hell did he decide to make it harder on himself with trying to go to law school?
“I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this.”
“Tell me why you want to go to law school again,” Rafael said. Sonny glanced at him. He had leaned forward in the chair, and his expression was earnest, open. They’d had this conversation before. Sonny had felt like a fool when he broke the news, and Rafael had given him an infuriating mix of passionate arguments against formal education and ardent support for whatever choice he made. It had made Sonny’s head spin.
“Raf, you know why.”
“Just humor me.”
“It’ll make me a better cop.” Not the entire reason, but the best way he had found to frame it so far.
“And?”
“Come on, I know it’s stupid…”
“No, it’s not. It’s the whole reason you’re doing this. It’s everything.”
“It’s just… this whole system is kind of fucked, right?” Sonny began. “I mean, so much of what I see everyday is power imbalances, and people using the law to keep making their victim’s lives hell. It’s like that woman I had to arrest because of mandatory arrest in DV calls. She finally snapped and gave him a black eye, so we had to take her in, and now she’s got misdemeanors on her record and it’s probably only a matter of time before the boyfriend kills her. Horrible things like that happen every freakin’ day on the criminal law side, not to mention all the shit that goes through the civil courts. I’m a part of this damn system, and I’ve gotta know—I mean really know—what I’m working with.”
Rafael’s eyes sparkled, and he was smiling.
“That’s why. The people who succeed in law school are the ones who have a damn good reason for being there. This test is just what gets you in the door.”
“I wish it didn’t feel like I have to pick a high-security lock to get in the door, though,” he muttered. Everything—from trying to explain his reason for wanting to go to law school, to figuring out how the hell he would pay for it, and taking the LSAT itself, felt like a monumental task. All of it seemed to be a ridiculous and expensive pipe dream, for no good reason except that he wanted to learn.
“I think everyone feels that way when they’re applying,” Rafael laughed. “I know it’s been years since I took the LSAT, but I really do use the skills it teaches you every day in this job. I’m sure I can help if you’re stuck.”
Sonny sighed. His brain treated him to a memory of a screaming match with his father over third grade math homework at the kitchen table—one of the many reasons he had been reluctant to let Rafael help him so far. The last thing he wanted was to be made to feel worse, even on accident, by his born-for-this, accomplished, actual lawyer boyfriend. But at the same time, he would be foolish if he didn’t at least try letting Rafael help.
“Only if you promise not to make fun of me for being stupid,” Sonny finally said.
“You’re not stupid. Do you really think I’d fall in love with an idiot?”
Sonny gave a weak chuckle. “You really know how to sweet talk a guy, huh?”
“Come on. Dominick. I fell in love with you because you’re sharp, funny, gorgeous, and incredibly, astoundingly empathetic. You make me see the good in this world when all I can see is a lot of hate and bad intentions. You’re going to make an incredible lawyer if you ever decide to practice, and if not, you’ll end up with the legal knowledge to make you every prosecutor’s dream cop and an incredible annoyance to captains everywhere. I can’t imagine a better person to share my life with.”
A warm feeling rose up in Sonny’s chest, and that was it. He was sold.
“That’s more like it,” he smiled.
“Now please, please can I help you learn to think like a cold, calculating asshole?”
“Well when you put it like that…”
Rafael laughed and came over to the couch. He flipped the book open to the dog-eared page that Sonny had abandoned, and read through the drill set.
“Okay. The whole point of logical reasoning is to understand why the premise doesn’t absolutely lead to the conclusion.”
“I get that,” Sonny said, “but I keep coming up with a million ideas why the evidence or the conclusion is wrong if everything in the stimulus is a lie. Look at 11. I convinced myself that gravity wasn’t real anymore.”
“Part of it is suspending disbelief, yes,” Rafael laughed, “but you don’t need to decide what’s real for this. Accept that all the evidence is true. The conclusion is the only thing that’s wrong for most of these. Think about it like a case if that helps. The evidence doesn’t change, but the interpretation can be wildly off base if things are missing.”
“Okay, so I need to come up with the missing evidence?”
“Sure, if that helps, but you don’t have to be creative. Just knowing that there’s something the author failed to consider is enough.” Rafael scanned the page, then pointed to one of the questions. “Try number four again.”
Sonny read the question. He forced himself to accept that the offered definition of animal navigation was true, and then tried thinking about reasons why the polar bear wasn’t actually navigating under that definition. Maybe the polar bear had super powers? What if it was actually a polar bear from the future who could see all his tragic deaths in the multiverse while trying to get home? Or, what if the polar bear was being hunted by a yeti who miraculously chased him back to his home? He was starting to feel lost again.
“I can hear you thinking,” Rafael said.
“Well, there’s just too many possibilities for why this polar bear isn’t navigating, and I don’t know which one’s the right reason,” Sonny said, biting his lip.
“So you know that something’s missing,” Rafael said. He curled up closer to Sonny’s side, warm and comforting. “Look at the answer choices and tell me if they’re a good enough reason to disprove the conclusion.”
Sonny read.
“‘The polar bear stopped and changed course several times.’ That kind of works. It shows that the polar bear might have arrived home due to random chance.”
“Sure. But it could also be evidence that the bear is correcting its course and actually navigating,” Rafael argued.
“So I need something better?”
Rafael made a pleased hum next to him.
“Alright. ‘The route consisted primarily of snow and drifting ice.’ That doesn’t tell me shit about navigation,” Sonny said. Rafael laughed. “‘Polar bears have been known to find their way home from considerable distances.’ That just supports the conclusion, doesn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“‘Polar bears often scent out familiar territory.’” Sonny stopped and considered. It was kind of tempting, but something was telling him that it wasn’t quite right. He read the stimulus again. “That doesn’t work because the definition of navigation here is ‘finding a place beyond the animal’s senses.’”
“True. So see if the last one works.”
“‘The site at which the polar bear was released was on its annual migration route.’ That feels wrong too. Doesn’t that just support the idea that they navigate?”
“Not entirely. Read the definition of navigation again.”
“Oh! ‘An animal’s ability to find its way from unfamiliar territory!’ That works! The polar bear was familiar with the migration route, so it wasn’t actually navigating under this definition!”
Rafael grinned and put a hand on his thigh.
“Exactly.”
“Okay, I think I like studying like this,” Sonny smiled. Rafael’s hand was traveling up his leg, feather light. “You’re a good teacher,” he said.
“You’re a good student,” Rafael breathed.
Sonny laughed.
“Don’t turn this into a sex thing. I actually have to focus here!”
“Why can’t it be both?” he said.
“Rafi!” Sonny groaned.
“Fine, fine,” he said, laughing, and took his hand back. “Try the next question.”
They studied like that for a while, Sonny reading aloud and voicing his arguments while Rafael encouraged him and pointed out errors in his reasoning until Sonny was finally felt like he was getting the hang of it. Rafael had a knack for redirecting Sonny’s thoughts when he was getting lost in the weeds, and he was good at giving Sonny the space to figure out the answer for himself.
“You’re good at making things simple,” Sonny finally said.
“I’ve had lots of practice,” Rafael sighed. “I’m very talented at making things more difficult than they need to be, so simplicity is usually the best way to go about fixing a problem.” Sonny hummed, considering.
“Do you still think I’m smart enough to do this?” he asked.
“What, the LSAT? Or law school in general?”
“Both, I guess.”
“You’re more than smart enough,” Rafael said. “You caught on to this stuff faster than I did. It took me weeks of arguing with my tutor until I finally got over myself and listened. You’re willing to learn, and that’s the most important part.”
“Isn’t ‘willing to learn’just another way of saying that I’m stupid?”
Rafael frowned at him.
“What did the author fail to consider when coming to that conclusion?”
Sonny gave a weak laugh, despite himself, but didn’t meet Rafael’s eyes.
“‘Willing to learn,’” Rafael said, “has nothing to do with intelligence. You could be a genius and still fail out of school if you don’t want to learn. And in case you still don’t believe it, please hear me when I say this—you’re smart, Sonny. Smarter than half the idiots I went to school with. You’re going to do well.”
Sonny felt the beginning of tears prickle at his eyes. He looked up. Rafael didn’t give praise lightly, and Sonny almost felt bad for fishing. But he needed to hear it.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and kissed him. It was gentle, chaste, and quick, but the weight of Rafael’s belief in him made it more intimate than a kiss had a right to be. Rafael let the moment linger, warm and loving, before his lips quirked in mischief.
“Now we should discuss my fee…”
“Rafi!”