Chapter Text
It was a glorious day in Diamond City, though Wario thought it was the most boring day of his life. Inside the office, he looked around from his left to his right: Jimmy was on his phone, closest to 18-Volt’s boombox, texting his family members. Mona was on one of the computers watching a livestream for the next Ear Candy’s Top Music Artists of the Week. Dribble and Spitz were conversing with Orbulon, getting information and details on what life is like as an alien. 9-Volt, Fronk, 18-Volt, Kat, and Ana were all playing Mario Kart World on 9-Volt’s new Nintendo Switch 2, cheering, whooping, and yelling with joy. Dr. Crygor and Penny were checking on Mike’s mics, cleaning and speaking into them, much to the annoyance of the robot. 5-Volt was going around the room, providing cookies shaped like the WarioWare timer bomb to everyone. Ashley was in the far corner of the room trying to concentrate on her spell-book, but the loud crowd is getting her irritated. Red was sneaking a cookie from 5-Volt’s tray to give to himself and Ashley. Young Cricket was exercising with one-armed push-ups with Master Mantis and Lulu on his back. Wario yawned and picked his nose, pulling out a booger and aimlessly flinging it across the room.
WARIO : “ It’s been way too long since I’ve made any money from my games. I’ve got no money right now, all thanks to that stupid Japanese curry! Not only did it make my stomach turn inside out, but it was so good that it forced me to buy 100 more! I blame whoever made those dishes for making me waste my money! BAH! ”
Wario sits up in his chair and rotates his shoulder as he exclaims to the room:
WARIO : ( casually) “Hey! I’m in need of money, so let’s get started on making a new WarioWare game, eh?!”
To his surprise, no one budged or acknowledged his demand, they kept on doing what they were doing. Wario pouted as he stood up so fast, his chair rocketed across the floor and fell over.
WARIO : ( irritated ) “ HELLO ?! Are you chumps deaf or what?! C’mon, let’s start making those microgames! Isn’t it fun?”
Finally, Mona sighed and lowered the volume of her computer, turning in her chair to face her manager. Jimmy also closed his cell phone and stylishly put it back in his jacket’s pocket, crossing his arms as he looked to his best friend.
MONA : ( calmly ) “Wario, making microgames is fun, and I get that you need the money, but right now, I think everyone wants a good, long break.
JIMMY : ( optimistic) “Yeah, man! Let’s ease up on the money-chase and appreciate what we got goin’ on here.”
Jimmy gestures to the rest of the crew, still minding their business. Wario scoffs and crosses his arms, tapping his foot quickly.
WARIO : “Well money doesn’t wait. Fame doesn’t wait. Come on, don’t you guys want to be popular, awesome, and cool like me? ( places a hand on his chest ) I mean, who wouldn’t want to be as fabulous as me?”
Mona chuckled and shook her head.
MONA : “I do think you’re cool, but I doubt I want to be like you. Besides, ( looks to the rest of the crew ) everyone here came together because they wanted to have fun, try something new, or just find new people to talk to. We do make WarioWare games and try to get a big load of cash in, but overall, we’re here just to hang out and have fun.”
JIMMY : ( pointing at Wario ) “You gave us that opportunity, man! Without your idea to kickstart this thing, none of us would’ve made such wonderful friends. I think this sort of thing is what everyone strives for.”
Wario carelessly nodded and “ uh huh ”ed the entirety of Mona and Jimmy’s words.
WARIO : “Yeah yeah yeah, I did a good thing, and I’m the best, I get that. But listen ! This is about going beyond the limits of what normal businesses would strive for! We’re the most famous company here in Diamond City! Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Mona and Jimmy looked at each other, then back at Wario with confused grins.
MONA: “That we make good games?”
JIMMY: “We’ve reached our peak?”
WARIO : “NO! ( takes a moment to think ) I-I mean, yeah on Mona’s part, but the complete opposite of Jimmy’s! It means that there’s even better things ahead of us! If we’re already this popular, think of the long run! ( walks around the table on Mona’s side ) Endless money, constant praise, armies of fans! We’d ALL be set for life ! ( putting his hands on the back of Mona’s seat ) And if that’s our future, why should we ever slow down and wait?! We can get going right now! ( finger guns in tandem ) Badda bing, badda boom ! All of us can be rich! I mean… I deserve the largest share, since I’m the boss, of course, but you chumps also get a grand share… of like… 100 coins?”
Mona put her arm across the back of her seat and turned around to face Wario with a skeptical look.
MONA : “Wario, I’ve never heard you offering to share your wealth, and it sounds like you’re selling us short by only offering 100 coins if we were to get that famous.”
Wario took a quick moment to think about his words.
WARIO: “...101 coins…?”
Mona groaned and turned back around to her computer, resuming her livestream while Jimmy sat up a bit and rested his elbows on the table.
JIMMY : ( slightly tired) “Look, man, we just want to take today to enjoy our own things, you know? I mean, there’s gotta be more to life than just treasures and gold, right?”
WARIO : ( putting a finger up) “Money, treasure, and garlic are worth their weights in gold. If I’m not busy being rich and famous, then I’m not livin’ life.”
Jimmy nodded and sighed as he leaned back in his seat.
JIMMY: “Alrighty then, I see you…”
Wario nodded and examined the rest of the room, shooting his arms out and exclaiming:
WARIO : “IS THERE ANYONE HERE MOTIVATED TO MAKE ME MICROGAMES?! ( points to everyone ) Who’s with me? Come on!”
Dribble scratched the back of his ear.
DRIBBLE: “Sorry, Spitz and I are takin’ this week to relax. We wanna savor the moment, y’know?”
Spitz took a quick nibble of 5-Volt’s cookie before speaking.
SPITZ : ( shrugging) “We’d love to help out, just not this week.”
Orbulon then waved at Wario.
ORBULON: “Orbulon wishes to commence his sleeping routine soon. I am in need of returning to my usual schedule.”
9-VOLT : “Sorry, Wario! The Switch 2 just came out, and we’re gonna spend this week playing it.”
18-VOLT : “Yeah! Come play with us, dude! There’s a costume in the game that’s almost the exact same outfit as the one you’re wearing now.”
KAT : ( intensely focused ) “Just letting you know, Wario, I have become the master of Mario Karting! You won’t beat me if you play against me!”
ANA: “I think there’s a remix of a song from Dribble and Spitz’s radio in this game!”
FRONK: “I believe this is a better time than any to relax, without thoughts of progressing the company.”
Dr. Crygor patted Mike’s mic and spoke into it, the sound of his voice echoing the room.
CRYGOR: “Apologies, Wario, but Penny and I are about to start a new project tomorrow that will most likely cover the timeframe of this week.”
Penny followed up Crygor’s statement, also using Mike’s mic to speak into.
PENNY : “Maybe we can make something like the Super MakerMatic 21? Sure, the first time was… ( looking at the floor with wide eyes ) … rough, but we all learn from our mistakes, right?”
MIKE : ( arms crossed) “And I will be resting in the laboratory, due to this chronic and painful headache I am cursed to have.”
5-Volt reenters the room, and Wario claps his hands once before pointing at the her.
WARIO: “Hey! 5-Volt! You can’t have anything going on this week, do you? Let’s get to microgame making!”
5-Volt smiled and shook her head, setting down a new try of WarioWare-themed cookies, dusting her apron while speaking.
5-VOLT: “Actually, I’ll be helping the city with their annual gardening tournament. I’ll be helping with setting up the decor. I will be very busy this week as well.”
WARIO: (punching his open palm) “Oh ‘garden-shmarden’! The only things that need supervising for tournaments are my microgames!”
He turned to face Cricket, Mantis, and Lulu.
WARIO : “Okay, I know you three aren’t busy! ( to Cricket and Mantis ) You two do nothing but train in martial arts, there’s no way you guys can’t be available to help make microgames! ( to Lulu ) And honestly, I don’t even know what you do when you’re not here.”
Cricket was too focused on his one-armed push ups to responded coherently, so Mantis answered for him.
MANTIS: “While the pattern holds true, Mr. Wario, unfortunately, the cycle breaks this week.”
Wario sighs and rubs his eyes.
WARIO : ( tired ) “Lemme guess, you guys got a fighting tournament to get to, some… I dunno… Tournament of Power or whatever those things are called.”
MANTIS: “No, we simply wish to relax this week. Take a break from the training and appreciate the beauty of the calm.”
WARIO : ( emotionless ) “... what …?”
Cricket managed to finish his 1,000th push up and laid on the floor, breathing heavily as he finally spoke:
CRICKET : “It’s true, ( huff ) Mr. Wario! ( puff ) We worked extra hard last week, ( huff ) and now we must rest for a healthy amount of time. ( puff )”
LULU : ( patting Cricket’s back in rhythm with both hands ) “And I’m doing whatever Cricket’s doing! Cause he’s awesome, and sweet, and strong, and cool, and-”
WARIO : ( waving both of his hands) “WHATEVER! Go ahead, be lazy! I don’t care! BAH!”
He was about to point at Ashley and Red, but Ashley was quick on the draw, not looking up from her spell-book.
ASHLEY : ( bluntly) “No.”
WARIO : ( baffled) “Wah?! You don’t even know what I’m gonna say!”
ASHLEY : ( looking up from her spell-book, covering the bottom half of her face ) “You were going to ask me and Red if we were available to make microgames with you, like you just asked the others a literal second ago.”
Wario was silent for a moment before he put his fists on his hips and pursed his lips, shaking his hips a bit.
WARIO : “Nuh uh! I was gonna ask if… ( looks at the tray of cookies and aggressively picks one up ) …you wanted a cookie!”
ASHLEY : ( rolling her eyes) “Uh huh, sure.”
Ashley resumed to reading her spell-book as Red waved his hand to get Wario’s attention.
RED: “Well, you know me, ha ha. I gotta be there as Ashley’s companion. B-But I won’t mind the cookie!”
WARIO : ( bluntly) “No.”
Wario tossed the entire cookie in his mouth (while Red sighed in sadness) and waddled over to the window, which had its shades closed, and turned his back to it, pointing at the rest of the crew.
WARIO : “I’ve put in so much work for this company, pour my life and soul into this project, and this is how you guys treat me? A simple ‘no’ ?! ( overly dramatic ) How could you guys do this to poor ‘ol Wario?! You always do this! ( fake cries )”
MONA : ( deadpan ) “There are so many wrong things within the span of those three sentences, it’s honestly going to need the length of a dictionary to explain.”
Wario scoffs and grips the string to pull the shades up, looking back at the crew.
WARIO : “I think you all are just quitters ! I’m constantly on the mission to obtain wealth and fortune, while you chumps are just wasting your time on pointless things! Playin’ games, spells and potions, space travel, whatever ! Surely there are more important things going on than just those !”
With that, Wario pulls down on the string, causing the shades to rise up and bring in the late morning sunlight. However, when Wario took a quick glance out of the window, he noticed that the entirety of 777 Street was flooded with people. One could mistake that the entirety of the city’s population were all on that street!
WARIO : ( with a curious eyebrow raise ) “Huh… this is new…”
Everyone in the room, this time, looked up at Wario. Mona and Jimmy got up from their seats and walked over to their boss’s location.
MONA: “What? What is it?”
Soon, the rest of the crew followed suit, pausing their activities to see what Wario was looking at. Everyone crowded around the window, each one whispering and murmuring their thoughts:
ANA: “Is there an event going on?”
18-VOLT: “I haven’t heard of anything. That’s quite a lot of people, though.”
MIKE: “Perhaps there is a concert that we were not informed of starting nearby.”
CRICKET: “I doubt that. Musical performances are a highlight here in Diamond City, right? Surely we would’ve gotten the news.”
LULU : “Maybe another tournament is happening? The one Wario hosted had the entire town engaged.”
Wario decided to unlock and pull open the window, listening to the crowds of people cheering and yelling for… something . Wario stook his body out of the window so far that Mona and Jimmy, at the last second, grabbed the back of Wario’s denim jacket and kept him from falling out.
WARIO : ( shouting ) “HEY! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?! WHAT’S WITH THE CROWD, HUH?! IS EVERYONE THAT EXCITED TO SEE THE FANTASTIC WARIO ?!”
No one acknowledged or heard Wario, still keeping their focus to their left. Mona and Jimmy pull Wario back inside while Ashley managed to make her way through the crowd of co-workers.
ASHLEY: “They can’t hear you, it’s too loud.”
WARIO : ( rolling his eyes ) “Oh wow , Ashley! What gave you that idea?!”
Ashley grumbled while Spitz suddenly lunged forward and pointed out the window.
SPITZ: “Guys! Look what’s coming down the street!”
Everyone turned their attention to where Spitz was pointing, and sure enough, slowly emerging from behind the line of buildings, turning onto 777 Street, was a large, luxury coach, slowly weaving its way though the crowds of people. Once the coach got to the side view, the crew noticed the details of the coach’s side. In large letters, and in a fancy font, spelled the words “THE ANIMAL JAMMERS”. Beside the name, there were a line of four people, all anthropomorphic animals: a peacock holding a microphone, a wolf holding an electric guitar, a bunny holding the bass guitar, and a bear holding two drum sticks, all posing very stylishly.
CRYGOR : ( leaning forward and squinting with his visor ) “The… ‘ Animal Jammers ’? Penny, do you know who these guys are?”
PENNY : ( resting her elbow on her arm while pressing a finger against her glasses ) “I… actually don’t know. This is the first time I’ve heard of them. They must be pretty popular if they’re drawing in this big of a crowd.”
Mona looked back at her computer for a moment, then turned her attention back to the passing coach.
MONA : “Well, according to Ear Candy on the Diamond Broadcasting System, apparently these guys are number 2 on the musical artist leaderboard for this week. They only started their band half a year ago, and already they’ve attracted this big of an audience!”
PENNY : ( to Mona) “Who’s number one?”
MONA : ( deflated) “...Vanessa…”
PENNY : ( tilting her head ) “ Vanessa ? I don’t think I know her either.”
MONA : ( realization) “Oh yeah! You weren’t part of the company when she performed at the Hawt House with me. I’ll take you to meet her some day.”
PENNY: “Is she nice?”
MONA : ( happily) “Nope.”
As Penny tried to process the information, Wario crossed his arms and shook his head.
WARIO : “Seriously? This is the craze today? It’s just a boy band, what’s so special about that?!”
Mona, Kat, 5-Volt, Penny, and even Ashley surprisingly, all turned to glare at Wario, making the boss nervous for a second.
WARIO : “Alright, geez ! I just don’t personally see the appeal…”
Dribble then narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, noticing that the coach had stopped moving.
DRIBBLE: “Hold on a minute, fellas. The sunroof on that bus is openin’ up!”
Everyone watched as the sunroof the coach slowly opened, and just as slowly, up came out a peacock with slick, navy blue fur, wearing a white jacket with gray pants.
KAT : ( enchanted ) “ Ooooooo ! Prettyyyyyy ~!”
The peacock moved across the roof of the ceiling to let his other boys up, first the wolf, then the bunny, and finally, the bear, all wearing the same outfit the peacock was wearing. The people went wild , cheering and clapping upon seeing the legends in the flesh. The peacock gave a nervous smile and gestured with his hands to have the crowd settle down. Once everyone quieted down, the peacock spoke:
??? : ( increased volume ) “Uh, good morning, Diamond City! Me and the boys are very happy to see you all as well! In case there are some people folks here who have no idea who we are, ( gestures to himself ) my name is Rec-Ord, but most folks call me Rec for short. ( points to the wolf ) That’s Riff, ( Riff gives a small wave in his crossed arms as Rec-Ord moved to point at the bunny ) that’s Rocker ( Rocker gave the finger guns to a few particularly enamored girls in the crowd, making them faint with ecstasy. ) ( Rec points at the bear ), and the big guy’s Rumble ( Rumble does a similar wave to Riff ).
Rec moved further down the roof of the coach and knelt down.
REC: “As it turns out, we are staying the night here! We’ll be spending the night at the Diamond Hotel.”
The crowd, once again, went wild , cheering while some of the fans tried to climb the coach, but failing in their desperate mission. Rec chuckled and backed away, putting his hand up.
REC : “We know you’re all super excited to see us, but unfortunately, we cannot perform here tonight. We’re just here to camp for the day, refuel on gas, and then get right back on the road. We’re very tight on our schedule for our world tour, and we cannot really afford a long stay. However , this does not mean that we won’t be roaming around the town, so stay tuned, folks!”
As the crowd cheers once again, Rec made his way back to the sunroof, where the rest of the boys were climbing back in.
REC : ( waving as he disappears) “Thank you, Diamond City!”
With that, the sunroof closes, and the coach roared to life, resuming it’s very slow trail through the crowd. Mantis nodded with a content blink.
MANTIS : “Mmm. What an inspiring team. ( he begins walking away from the window ) I wish them good fortune.”
JIMMY : ( following Mantis ) “They look really stylish, too! I should ask where they get their slick outfits from.”
9-VOLT : ( shrugging as he walks away as well) “Yeah, I can kinda see the appeal. I wonder if they have a DJ…”
One by one, everyone started walking away from the window… except for Wario, who still had his arms crossed, tapping his finger on his arm as he watched the coach go further down the street.
WARIO : “ Tch. They think they’re sooooo cool. I’m the star of Diamond City here! ”
Wario uncrossed his arms and sighed as he dove his hands down his pink pants.
WARIO : “ Yeah yeah, go ahead and promote your band or whatever. Do your world tour, throwing around your name carelessly, it’s not like I ca-.”
Just then, he got an idea! An awful idea! Wario got a wonderful, awful idea! His face contorted to that of a devilish grin as he put a finger to his chin and scratched it.
WARIO : “ A… world tour , eh? Say… I don’t think this company’s ever had something like that …”
He looked back at the crew, who have all resumed their activities.
WARIO : “ And my chumps want to relax , right? Hmm… I think I can find a… ‘best of both worlds’ solution, WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ”
Wario closed the window and turned around to face his crew. After clearing his throat, he took a step forward, a hand behind his back, and spoke:
WARIO: “Everyone?! May I have your attention please? The boss needs a word with all of you.”
All at once, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked to the CEO’s direction, anticipating what he’ll say. Wario wandered around the room as he continued.
WARIO : “Look, I’ve heard all of you explain your situations, and honestly? I get it now! We all need a break from this microgame escapade!”
The people who had their backs to Wario now fully turn around, curious about his words. Ashley even lowered her book, raising a confused eyebrow.
WARIO : “So, as a treat, I’m gonna say this. ( dramatic pause ) We’re all goin’ on a road trip !”
Everyone stayed silent, everyone looking at each other, wondering if they heard him right.
ORBULON : “A… road trip ? …for how long?”
WARIO : ( with wide arms ) “As long as you guys want! One day, one year , you name it! And the best part? ( proudly places a hand on his chest ) I got you all covered! Just bring your belongings, and I’ll take care of the rest! Whaddyah all say? Eh?”
Wario smiled widely with an open mouth, waiting for everyone’s response. Everyone remained quiet for a moment, thinking over Wario’s proposal. 5-Volt was the first to speak.
5-VOLT : ( finger to her chin) “Well… I still have that gardening tournament I need to help set up…”
Wario’s face contorted to that of worry, and even a little bit of pleading.
5-VOLT : “...however, I think I have someone who can cover it, so… ( clapping her hands together ) I think this will work out!”
Wario’s face changed to that of slight hope. He looked to the others, silently asking for their input. Jimmy chuckled and shrugged.
JIMMY: “This is sorta sudden, but you know what? I’m in! I got nothing better to do.”
One by one, everyone started to chime in and say their piece.
ANA: “I think a road trip will be fun! A trip with everyone is usually fun!”
RED: “Yeah! I wanna explore the world a little bit as well!”
CRICKET : “In a way, Master and I can resume our wandering journey. This will be greatly beneficial!”
Everyone started getting more and more excited with the idea of the trip, talking a little louder and more passionately about their plans. Wario simply nodded and smiled, proud of the first step he took. During the commotion, he noticed Ashley still reading her spell-book in the corner, alone this time since Red was talking with the others. He waddled over and stood next to her.
WARIO : ( somewhat a whisper) “Hey, kid. You wanna come along?”
ASHLEY : ( after a groan ) “How many times do I have to get dragged into another one of these trips ?”
WARIO : ( with a shrug) “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
ASHLEY : ( setting her spell-book down on her lap ) “I know that, but Red will likely pester me into going. He won’t shut up if we have differing opinions.”
WARIO : ( with a smirk ) “ Yeesh . Is that why you suddenly came along for that island trip?”
Ashley simply nodded her head, rubbing her eyes afterward with both hands. Wario pushed himself off the wall and put his hands behind his head as he began to walk away.
WARIO: “Well, I ain’t gonna tell you what to do. You can stay if you want, but if everyone else is going, you might get lonely.”
Ashley visibly hesitated, the tips of her hair turning white. She looked like she was about to say something aggressively, but the tips of her hair returned to black and she simply looked away.
ASHLEY : ( slightly quieter ) “I know that…”
Wario didn’t notice Ashley’s reaction. Instead, he made his way over to the table, rubbed his hands together, and placed them down on the table, gathering everyone’s attention again.
WARIO : “Alright! We’re taking off for our trip at… ( checking the clock on the wall ) …6:30 p.m. Get your dinners eaten and belongings packed. I’ll pull up with the vehicle and we can get goin’!”
Dribble shook his head and pressed his hands on the table as well.
DRIBBLE : “Woah woah woah , boss! We’re goin’ tonight ?! We don’t even know what stops we’re makin’!”
SPITZ: “Yeah, can’t exactly have a trip with no destination, y’know.”
Wario snapped his fingers and pointed at the taxi duo.
WARIO : “Actually, coming from a guy who’s traveled a lot, the fact that there is no destination is the whole fun of the journey! We just… make it up as we go! You get what I mean?”
Dribble and Spitz slowly nod, and Mona chimes in.
MONA : “It’s true! I’ve been on a few trips with him before, and every time I ask where we’re going, he always says ‘ Uh, I dunno, I just heard there’s treasure over here somewhere ’.”
This convinced the taxi duo completely, they nodded more confidently. Wario took a look at everyone else in case they had any other objections. When there was silence, he clapped his hands together and smiled.
WARIO: “Then it’s settled! 6:30 p.m., and meet up back here, just for convenience sake. I’ll swing by to pick you all up, but don’t be late! I don’t have the patience to wait! You all have about 7 hours to prepare.”
Everyone nodded and agreed to the terms, celebrating their new vacation beginning. As everyone began to file out of the building, except for Ashley and Red, who seem to be talking quietly to each other, Wario looked up to the ceiling and thought:
WARIO : “ Great, step one is complete; got everyone on board! And I’ll just tell them when we’re on the road about the Microgame World Tour. Now the next thing is… where am I gonna get a vehicle big enough to fit everybody? ”
Wario looked back at the window and remembered watching that boy band, those Animal Jammers , driving by in their luxury coach. Wario grew another twisted grin upon his face.
WARIO : “ Weeeeelllllll… looks like those boy band nerds will be of use after all…”
His cocky grin then turned to that of concern… then panic.
WARIO : “ Hang on, I can’t just ‘steal’ a bus like that ! It’s got their logo on it, and if I steal it, the chumps will know. But it’s the only thing I know that can carry everybody! ”
Wario groaned and patted his cheeks, getting his worry under control.
WARIO : “ Oh you’ll be fine, you genius! You’re Wario ! You can steal and take whatever you want! ”
Wario looked forward again and pulled up his pants a bit.
WARIO : “ Though, stealing that thing ain’t gonna be easy. I’ll be caught stealing for sure, but the real issue is getting my hands on it. I’ll need some help, but the crew will call me out if I tell them about it. So who do I-? ”
Wario’s thoughts were soon interrupted when he felt a tug on his shirt sleeve. He looked down to see the still-stoic Ashley looking up at him.
WARIO: “Eh? You need somethin’?”
ASHLEY : ( irritated) “I’m coming along for the trip.”
WARIO : ( nonchalant) “Ah, well, that’s cool. Welcome aboard.”
ASHLEY : ( unapologetically sarcastic ) “I’m so excited…”
Ashley began to walk away, but Wario’s mischievous brain clicked on once again. He reached forward and grabbed Ashley’s shoulder lightly.
WARIO : “ Actually , I’ve got a special job for you, since you’re now coming along.”
Ashley turned and looked at Wario’s hand, then to Wario himself with disgust.
ASHLEY : “What do you want with me ?”
Wario checked to see if the others were fully gone, he then turned Ashley to fully face him and spoke in a hushed tone.
WARIO : ( slightly serious) “You good with keeping secrets…?”
ASHLEY : ( confused, yet stern ) “Depends on the secret. Since it’s you , I might find some joy in revealing it.”
WARIO : ( grumbling ) “Well, that’s reassuring. ( shaking his head, back to his hushed tone ) B-But I promise this will benefit you too, okay?”
Ashley looked to Red, the latter looked very curious and concerned, shrugging his shoulders. Ashley returned her gaze to Wario.
ASHLEY: “Make it quick.”
Wario sighed a breath of relief and let go of Ashley’s shoulders, shoving his hands down his denim jacket’s pockets.
WARIO : “Alright… I just came up with this road trip plan because I got inspired to sell microgames while on the road.”
Ashley’s expression looked a little surprised, but quickly reverted to disappointment and anger. She face palmed and slowly shook her head, her two pigtails dangling with gravity.
ASHLEY : “I should’ve seen this coming. Of course this was another scheme-”
Wario waved his hands before Ashley could say anything else.
WARIO : ( slightly frantic ) “ Yes yesyesyesyesyesyesyes! I know! I know ! But I promise it won’t be that bad! Because, guess what?
ASHLEY : ( revealing her angry face ) “ What ?”
WARIO : ( snapping his fingers and pointing at Ashley ) “ You don’t haveta make a thing ! It’ll be a reward for helping me with what I’m about to ask you next!”
ASHLEY : ( scoffs ) “Ugh, there’s more ?!”
WARIO : ( desperate ) “Oh come on ! Is that not enough?! I’m literally sparing you from my own scheme! This is a benefit!”
ASHLEY : ( crossing her arms) “Not for the others.”
WARIO : ( crossing his arms back ) “Since when did you start caring for the others? Got a soft spot for ‘em?”
Ashley clicked her tongue, the tips of her hair turning white again as she whipped around and prepared to walk away.
ASHLEY : ( snappy) “You’re an idiot. Forget whatever favor you want me to do. I’m not abiding.”
Ashley began to walk away, with Red shrugging at Wario.
RED: “Sorry, Wario. We don’t want to get involved with your schemes.”
The two approached the exit just as Wario panicked and hurried to block the exit, smiling awkwardly.
WARIO : ( full frantic mode ) “ WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT !! Okay ! Okay! I get it! My scheme is scummy, and you probably don’t believe me, sure, whatever you believe! But I promise, if you can keep this secret and help me with this favor, I promise to do whatever you ask during the trip! No strings attached, no complaining, you’ll earn more than you have to work for!”
Red pouted and put his hands on his hips.
RED : “Wario. There’s no way we’re stooping to your level. You got yourself in this mess, and you have to face the consequences. Besides, there’s no way Ashley can be swayed with a simple-”
ASHLEY : ( barely excited ) “‘ Whatever I want ’, you say?”
RED : ( really irritated ) “You can’t be serious, Ashley!”
Wario relaxed along the door and nodded.
WARIO : “Oh yeah! Anything you want! Want me to be a subject for your spells? Bring ‘em on ! Want me to taste-test some sort of potion? I’ll gobble ‘em up ! I ain’t afraid of anything !”
Ashley’s face darkened, but a sinister smile spread across her face, one of twisted delight.
ASHLEY : “ Not afraid? Of anything ?”
Ashley looks away and chuckles darkly while Red floats over to Wario’s side, tapping his boss’s shoulder.
RED : ( frightened whisper ) “W-Wario? Sir? I-I don’t wanna tell you this is bad, but if you give Ashley that much freedom, there’s no telling what horrifying things she’ll do! You signed yourself for something horrible!”
Wario rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
WARIO : ( unbothered ) “Oh please ! You think some magic trick is gonna scare my pants off? I’ve faced a giant, killer clown before, there’s nothing in this world that’ll make me shake!”
Ashley, oddly playful, puts both her hands behind her back and rocks back and forth between her toes and heels.
ASHLEY : “ Weeeeellll … I do have some spells and potions that I’ve been meaning to try out for a while. That spell-book I was reading? It was aaaaalllll about bodily transformations. I could turn you into a pile of slime… a swarm of bees… a mere … little… gnat . Now, to you , it might not sound that crazy, but if you’re going to be my guinea pig for the duration of the trip, ( puts a hand on her chest ) I believe it’s a fair warning to tell you that you’ll be experiencing some crucial pains during the transformations. According to the spell-books, they say that some transformations are worse than others. Perhaps you’ll be spared from the excruciating pain… but if you’re not lucky? ( a sinister smile appears ) Well… some spells might make your insides feel like they’re being reorganized, shifting rapidly without hesitation. I can’t imagine how much you’d want to vomit after feeling that. ( A little jump ) Oh! And, from what I read today, there’s a spell to transform the person into a car! But their bones stretch and tear to get the shape just right. Heh heh… just imagining the potential look of horror on their face makes me… giddy .”
Ashley wanders around the room, hands to her back
ASHLEY : “Anyways, the potions are another issue. There’s even less assurance that those will work. If they do, then who knows, maybe you’ll feel great afterward. But , if there’s even a slight mishap with the concoction, then something… serious … could happen to you. I heard that there was once a witch named Dark Plague the Witch. She was a master of potion brewing, so much so that grew more and more careless of her process and just threw together some ingredients. She drank all of her potions, thinking they would all be beneficial, but she was oblivious to her every mistake. Maybe she made one mistake, maybe she made one million, who’s to say? Eventually, all of those mistakes from those potions? They aaaaaallllll decided to come deliver her karma… at the exact … same … time . ( dark, yet cutesy laugh ) Oh , the bodily horror did she experience. There was no resemblance of a human left in that poor woman. And the worst part? ( eerie whisper ) She still walks this Earth today . ( regular volume ) People, and even other famous witches alike, nickname her now to be ‘ The Broken Shell ’, given how her skin looks like it’s about to crack apart, with glowing ooze seeping underneath it. ( pointing at Wario ) And all of what I just said? That … could be you , if I so choose. But don’t worry, I may not let that happen to you. However, ( tilts her head ) I am a witch- in - training , sooooo… the gamble is very, very risky…”
She smiles, awaiting for Wario and Red’s words. Red was nearly in tears and quivering in fear, and Wario’s faced dropped to that of shock and bewilderment. Even his mustache straightened out and drooped with gravity.
RED : ( meek ) “Y-Y-You’ve never told me any of that before! A-A-And you used me for so many of your spells and potions!”
ASHLEY: “And look at yourself now. You’re still alive. You have nothing to worry about.”
RED : “ I HAVE SO MANY MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT!!!”
ASHLEY : ( turning her attention to Wario ) “Well? How about it? You said I could do anything I want during the trip, and I don’t have to work on the microgames. Are you going to comply? ( teasing tone ) You’re not scared , are you~?”
Wario’s mustache returned to normal, and he put a finger under his chin, humming with thought as he glared at the little witch. Red looked back and forth between Wario and Ashley, confusion and panic spread across his face.
RED : “W-W-WARIO! YOU CAN’T SERIOUSLY BE CONSIDERING THIS! YOU’D BASICALLY BE SIGNING A DEATH SENTENCE!”
ASHLEY : ( glaring at Red) “Hm? You don’t believe I’m capable of performing magic correctly, Red?”
RED : ( frantically forcing a smile ) “ WHAT ? Nononononono! I-I-I just mean… uhm… uh… th-that even Wario couldn’t handle th-the awesome power you posses! Yeah! You’d be too good, that’s what I’m saying!”
ASHLEY : ( clicks her tongue ) “How encouraging… ”
Just then, both Red and Ashley look to the sound of two hands being clapped together. Wario had his eyes closed and hummed for a second before speaking.
WARIO : “Alright, kid. I hear you loud and clear. Spooky shenanigans, body horror, and low chances of success, yada yada. ( opens his eyes and crosses his arms ) Now, you do understand that I’ve been in life-threating adventures before, and that I don’t really fear much of anything, right?”
ASHLEY : ( a single nod ) “I don’t doubt that. ( mocking tone ) That’s why you should be able to handle this.”
WARIO : ( involuntary smirk ) “You got that right. Which is why I’m complying!”
Red’s jaw dropped, literally, to the floor while Ashley snickered to herself.
ASHLEY : “Good. Perhaps this trip won’t be so painful for me after all. ( brushing her hair away from her face ) So, tell me, what is this other ‘favor’ you need me to do?”
Wario’s eyes widen and he rubs his hands together.
WARIO : “Right! The favor! ( kneeling down to Ashley’s level ) So, we need a big ‘ol vehicle to carry everybody, so-”
ASHLEY : “You want me to help you steal The Animal Jammers ’ luxury coach?”
WARIO : ( impressed ) “ WAHAHA ! You know me so well!”
ASHLEY : ( shaking her head) “You’re just predictable. You literally came up with this plan right after watching them go by.”
WARIO : ( standing back up) “Yeah yeah yeah, sure. Just make sure you have your traveling things, and meet me at the Diamond Hotel at around… 5:30. I’ll call you an hour from now to discuss the plan.
ASHLEY: “Fine.”
She began to walk past Wario, who has stepped aside for her to walk through, but she stopped and glared up at him.
ASHLEY : “If you suddenly back out, betray me, break the deal, put me to work after getting the coach, or resist any of my spells or potion, you will regret it. I know you’re not scared now… but you will be.”
She didn’t even wait for a reply, she beckoned Red to follow her, and soon enough, the two were gone, leaving Wario all alone in the office. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with one hand.
WARIO : “ Sheeh … now I gotta figure out how to get out of her mess.”
He looked around the room and nodded, putting a hand on his hip.
WARIO: “Yep… probably should get goin’ here.”
For the next couple of minutes, Wario cleaned the area, just a bit, and shut off all the lights. Before he left his office, however, he stopped, turned around, and reached for his desk’s top drawer. Wario pulled it open to reveal numerous objects within: some rotten garlic, a picture of him and his crew all huddled together, and what he opened the drawer for; his company license. The room seemed to grow… still… after he put his fingers around the card.
WARIO : ( pulling out the license ) “ Whoop ! Can’t forget about this!”
He shoved his license into his pocket and grabbed the keys, locking only his office door, not bothering to lock up everyone else’s. Wario made his way to the exit door. But just before he could grasp the doorknob, he heard murmuring and whisper on the other side. Curiosity instantly took hold of him, and he pressed his ear against the door, listening in. There was no doubt about it… Ashley and Red hadn’t left yet. From what Wario could imagine, the two were probably just standing in front of the building, maybe a little to the left.
RED : ( muffled ) “...I’m sure they won’t make fun of you, Ash! They all like you!”
ASHLEY : ( muffled) “...Don’t be stupid, Red. I’ll look ridiculous.”
WARIO : “ Huh? What’s going on out there? Maybe I should…? Nah, the kid’ll probably yell at me if I step out. Better keep quiet… ”
Wario pressed his ear a little more into the door, trying to hear more clearly.
RED: “You won’t! Trust me! Everyone in the company knows you’re a witch. There’s no reason to be afraid!”
ASHLEY : “You so stupid! Don’t you realize what this road trip means? Everyone’s eyes will be on me .”
RED : ( confused) “I-I-I mean, isn’t that what you want? The world to know you’re the greatest witch?”
ASHLEY : ( hesitant ) “W-Well… yes. But that’s not the main issue. If customers start asking to see my magic, there’s no telling what they’ll say to me! I’m not running the risk of having… having…”
RED : ( serious) “...you’re afraid you’ll get bullied again… right?”
WARIO : “ Bullied? Huh… honestly thought she would be the bully ‘round here… ”
ASHLEY : ( meek) “...yeah…”
RED : “W-Well… things have changed! No longer are you in that old hometown of yours, subjected to those bullies! No more hair tugging, name calling, or being pressured to wear those stupid dresses. You’ve made a name for yourself with this place! People love you more than they hate you!”
A moment of silence rings in the air before a response came out.
ASHLEY: “...You don’t know that for certain. People are unpredictable… maybe they just pity me.”
Wario, unconsciously, quietly exhaled…
RED : “No way! You’ve seen your co-workers! They include you in everything because they care about you! I still don’t understand why you won’t call them your friends after all this time! Heck, even Wario reached out to you, and he’s willing to do anything for you!”
ASHLEY : ( snappy ) “First of all, my co-workers are not my friends. They need to prove much more than what they’ve shown lately. Sure, they’re nice, but who’s to say it’s not a front ? Two, bold of you to assume that Wario would ever do something nice for me. And three, Wario isn’t willing to do anything for me, he just made up that proposal so that I can come along with his stupid plan. I doubt he cares for anybody, and he’s certainly not going to be on my eventual friend list.
Wario looked to the floor for a moment, then back in the direction of their voices…
ASHLEY : “And you want to know the worst part, Red? They… ( her tone saddens ) …they’re all better than me… in every way. L-Like… everyone has their traits, and I have mine, but while theirs is… ‘ static ’, I’m stuck only having 40% of my spells ever working. Even Wario… his expertise on treasure hunting and business managing, while the latter is a little offput, is still keeping the company alive. Me ? I’m still… a mess… no one wants to clean up a mess.”
A moment of silences rings the air again.
ASHLEY : ( meek ) “...A-And… if they’re all better than me… then what am I worth to anyone? I… I think that’s another reason why I was bullied those years ago… because I wasn’t capable of controlling my magic… that would explain the tantrum I had in the auditorium before I… before I…”
Silence…
ASHLEY : “...I don’t want to be bullied again… I will never … feel that again…”
Silence. Wario looked to the floor in thought… a memory flickered his brain. He was in Diamond City still, but he was much younger, kindergarten age, standing atop a garden… along side a kindergartener-Mario.
MARIO : ( cheerfully looking down the lines of vegetables) “Okie dokie! You-a ready for our weekly pluck-race, Wario?”
WARIO : ( all smiles ) “Oh yeah! And this time, I’m gonna win!”
MARIO : “Ha ha ha! I don’t-a think so! ( gets into a racing stance ) You better not let that ego get to your head!”
WARIO : ( also getting into a racing stance ) “HA! You always get the fame and fortune at Diamond Kindergarten. I should be telling you to not have such a big ego!”
MARIO : “ Me ? Ha ! That’s the worst lie you’ve told! ( about to take off ) Oh, by the way, make sure you get the piranha flowers, and I’ll get the turnips.”
WARIO : ( hesitant ) “Wait… what ?”
MARIO : “Ready, set, LET’S-A GO ! ( takes off and starts rapidly plucking turnips )”
WARIO : ( also taking off and grabbing the first “turnip”) “W-Wait! Mario! What do you mean by-?”
But Wario didn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he plucked up a piranha flower, which snapped its jaws, causing Wario to scream and drop it. The piranha flower scurried over to Wario’s bottom and bite down hard.
WARIO : ( trying to pry the piranha flower off ) “OOOOOOWWWWWW! OOOOOOWWWWWWW ! MARIOOOOOOOO! HELP MEEEEEE!!!”
But when Wario turned to look at Mario, the latter was still focusing his energy on plucking turnips.
MARIO : ( singing ) “Plucking the garden, with~ my~ friend~! Plucking the garden~! Wahoo~! Wahoo ~!”
Wario’s mind scattered all across his head, both of confusion, anger, and even still, a desire to win.
WARIO : ( after a gulp) “Mama mia…”
Wario bent down and plucked the next piranha flower as fast as he could, trying to catch up to Mario. Every single piranha flower he plucked, they bit down on his bottom, his butt looking like a garden in itself.
Another memory flickered in his brain. This time, young Wario and Mario were in a desert area while their mothers talked with their backs to them. Mario ran excitedly to Wario, holding a flattened coin.
MARIO : “Wario! Wario ! Check it out! I learned how to flatten coins!”
WARIO : ( inspecting Mario’s flattened coin ) “ Wowie Zowie ! That’s amazing! How did you do it?!”
MARIO : ( taking Wario’s hand) “Come with me! I’ll show you!”
Mario dragged Wario further down the desert until they came across a pile of coins. While Wario picked one up, Mario turned his backwards cap to block the sun and look up at the sky. He then nodded and gestured Wario to come close. When Wario did, Mario gently took his shoulders and pushed him to stand just before an oddly square shadow.
MARIO : “Okie dokie. ( pointing up to the sky ) See that-a Thwomp up in the air?”
Wario looked up to see the bottom of a sleeping Thwomp, and his heart sank, his already large nose drooping with gravity even.
WARIO : ( frightened) “Uh… uh huh?”
MARIO : “All you gotta do is stand underneath the Thwomp, wait for it to come-a crashing down, and then at the last second , drop the coin and jump outta the way!”
Mario then backed away and happily gestured Wario to try out his strategy. Wario gulped and smiled back at Mario. He tip-toed underneath the shadow and looked up. The Thwomp, instantly , woke up and started to plummet towards him! The kid’s heart beat so fast, locking him in place as he dropped the coin, letting it roll away.
WARIO: “OH MY GOD! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-!”
THWOOOOOOOOOOOOMP
The Thwomp SQUASHED Wario right beneath him, leaving Mario bewildered. Mario jogged over to Wario as the Thwomp started to levitated back to its original position, closing its eyes again. Mario bent down to the 2D, flattened Wario, and awkwardly chuckled.
MARIO: “I… uh… I-I think you forgot to jump outta the way, ha ha…”
One final memory came back to the present day Wario. It was at Mario’s house, where Mario and Wario were in the backyard, the former chasing the latter with a water gun. They were both dressed with cowboy hats and brown vests, but Mario had a white shirt underneath and a sheriff’s badge on his vest, while Wario’s vest had a skull on it, along with a white bandana covering his mouth. Mario eventually shot Wario with the water gun and cheered.
MARIO : ( happily jumping up and down) “Hooray! Wahoo! The sheriff saves the town again!”
WARIO : ( nervously chuckling) “Heh heh… you got me again, sheriff. The rustler is defeated… a-again.”
Mario pulled out a towel from his pocket and gave it to Wario for him to clean himself.
MARIO : “Okie dokie! Let’s play again! This time, I’ve got a whole new strategy I wanna try! I wanna see if you can figure it out.”
Wario nodded and chuckled as he wiped his body down with the towel.
WARIO : ( tossing the towel away) “Heh heh… yeah… uhm, hey, Mario? Can I ask you something?”
MARIO : ( refilling his water gun with water) “Sure thing, pal! What’s up?”
WARIO : ( touching the tips of his index fingers together ) “I-I was just wondering, you know… w-we’ve been playing Cowboys 1,255 times now, a-a-and I don’t think I’ve ever been the sheriff. C-Can I play the sheriff? It looks like fun…”
MARIO : ( standing up after finishing his refill ) “ Awwwweee , but I love playing the sheriff!”
WARIO : ( nervous) “I-I know! I-I-I just figured, m-maybe you’d want to give being the rustler a shot? Y-You might find it more fun, maybe!”
Mario pondered for a moment, tapping the water gun to his cheek before responding cheerfully.
MARIO: “Okie dokie! That sounds good! Let’s go inside to change!”
As Mario ran inside, Wario sighed with relief as he too ran in. After a couple of minutes, Mario, in the rustler uniform, came back to the backyard and whipped the rope around, waiting for his friend.
MARIO: “WARIO! Are you done yet?”
WARIO : ( from inside the house ) “Y-Yeah! Just gotta, oomph , fit into these pants!”
Wario stepped outside in his new sheriff uniform, and Mario stared him down with wide eyes. Wario got into a dramatic pose and awkwardly smiled, holding his water gun high.
WARIO: “Wh-What do you think? I-I look like a star sheriff, don’t I?”
After a moment of silence… Mario busted out laughing, holding his stomach and rolling on the floor with tears in his eyes. Wario looked visibly hurt and came down the patio steps.
WARIO: “Wh-What’s so funny? Is there something on my face?”
MARIO : ( hysterical ) “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO! NO! IT’S NOT THAT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I-IT’S JUST-HAHAHAHAHAHA- YOU LOOK SO RIDICULOUS !! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
WARIO : ( nearly in tears ) “W-W-What?! B-B-But it’s the same exact outfit you wore! We just switched clothes!”
MARIO : “YEAH! HAHAHHAHAHAHA! B-B-BUT… IT’S LOOKS SO GOOFY ON YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
While Mario continued laughing his butt off, Wario rubbed his arm and looked the other way. His voice croaked, his throat filled with invisible tears.
WARIO: “H-Hey, Mario? I-I think I only have time for one more game, th-then my mom wants me home, o-okay? This will be our 1,256th game…”
Returning to the present, Wario sighed and leaned against the door, sliding down it while crossing his arms. He continued to listen in.
RED : ( concerned) “I… I think we need to head home. We can talk more when we get back. I just think for right now, we just go home, pack up, and prepare for whatever plan Wario comes up with.
Wario could barely hear it… but he heard a sniffle.
ASHLEY: “...Okay…”
Wario then heard a poof sound, slight grunts from Ashley, and then the woosh of the wind. He stood up and finally, but still slowly and carefully, opened the door. Sure enough, the two were gone. He pushed open the door fully and stepped outside, turning around to close the door and lock it behind him. When Wario made his way over to his bike, directly in front of the company building on the road, he nodded and touched the left handlebar.
WARIO: “Hmmm… bullies… can’t say I haven’t had one of my own…”
He then jumped onto his bike, revved his engine, and took off down the street, dodging and weaving a few fans still standing on the road.