Archive of Our Own

Explosions rocked the house.

Hibari glanced out the sliding door, watching as Gokudera tossed another stick of dynamite at the ground with a completely blank expression. He hadn’t said a word since he heard the news about Sawada’s ‘death’. Hibari had expected him to get angry, start screaming, threaten everyone around him. But instead, it was the opposite – he completely shut down in a way that Hibari had never seen before. There was no life in his expression, no fire in his eyes. He’d stood there and listened, but he obviously wasn’t present, not in any way that mattered. Afterwards, he had wordlessly gone outside and started throwing dynamite at the ground.

Hibari didn’t know what to do. This was different from the grief Gokudera had shown when his father died. It was different from the grief that came out of his piano sometimes. Maybe if Hibari didn’t know the truth, he could find a way to approach him, support him.

But how could he offer comfort when every word out of his mouth was a lie?

An hour later, Gokudera finally ran out of dynamite and collapsed onto his knees. His whole body was listless, hunched over, and he didn’t move even as rain started to drip down on him.

Hibari couldn’t stand leaving him out there any longer. He went to the door and stepped out onto the porch. “Hayato.”

Gokudera didn’t answer. Didn’t even turn around.

Hibari hesitated for a moment before continuing out onto the lawn. He walked over to Gokudera, careful to avoid the patches of grass that were still smoldering, and stood beside him. He considered reaching out to him, to offer physical comfort if nothing else, but he didn’t know if it would be appreciated.

“I’ll kill every last one of those Millefiore bastards,” Gokudera muttered, but there still wasn’t any anger in his voice.

Hibari stared at him. He thought about what he would say if he didn’t know that Sawada was still alive and slid his tonfa into his hands. “When do we leave?”

Gokudera glanced at him, surprise lighting up his face for a second as he let out a bitter laugh. “Sure, and get ourselves killed? Smart plan, genius.”

It didn’t seem to occur to him that it had been his idea to begin with.

“…Then what do you want me to do?” Hibari murmured. 

Gokudera’s lip wobbled, and he finally started to cry. His sobs physically tore through him, wracking his whole body, the sound hollow and agonizing. Everything that he was was bursting out of him, and it was painful and heartbreaking. Hibari kneeled beside him, finally reaching out to him and wrapping his arms around him as Gokudera crumpled against his chest.

“I failed him,” Gokudera growled through clenched teeth, tears streaming down his face. “I wasn’t there to protect him.”

Hibari held him, hating the feeling in his chest. He was partially responsible for this. He had suspected that something was up, so he’d followed Sawada to his meeting with Irie and overhead their plan. He’d been slightly offended by it—how could his younger self possibly be better suited for the job—but he saw the logic in it, too. They needed the Vongola rings if they were to survive. He also understood the need for secrecy, to ensure that there was absolutely no chance of Byakuran finding out about it.

So he’d gone along with faking Sawada’s death and telling everyone that Irie was to blame. He knew that it would hurt Gokudera deeply, but he’d agreed to it anyway.

He knew what needed to be done. But it didn’t feel good to lie to him, especially not now when he was watching the person he loved grieve like he’d never live again. The truth sat like bile in the back of his throat.

“You didn’t fail him,” he said, because this, at least, was true. “This isn’t your fault.”

Gokudera shook his head, but said nothing. They sat there for a while, holding each other, and then Gokudera said flatly, “I’m going to Tsuna’s coffin. I…”

He choked on the words. “I just need to see him.”

Hibari glanced through the sliding door at the clock hanging on the wall. Gokudera was due to be swapped in about fifteen minutes, Sawada a few minutes before him. Even if he left now, he shouldn’t arrive there beforehand and discover that Sawada was, in fact, alive. And this way Hibari didn’t have to come up with some excuse to get him to be near Sawada’s coffin when his younger self came to this time.

“Just be careful,” Hibari growled, more intensely than he’d meant to.

Gokudera pulled back for a moment, searching his face, and then embraced him tightly. Hibari buried his face in Gokudera’s neck, breathing in his scent. He didn’t want the last thing he said to him to be a lie, so he said, “I’m sorry.”

Gokudera’s arms tightened around him. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and then rasped out, “You be careful, too. I couldn’t stand it if you—”

His voice choked off. They stayed like that a moment longer, neither wanting to let go. But eventually Gokudera pulled away and stood, wiping his face as he went back into the house to grab his suitcase. When he came back out, he glanced at Hibari and then turned and walked off into the forest.

Hibari watched him go, wondering with a numbness of his own if he’d ever see him again.

--

Hibari smashed his tonfa into Genkishi’s swords, hitting him as hard as he could.

He didn’t have much time. He’d picked up a few extra minutes, as sneaking into the Millefiore base had been easy thanks to Chrome’s illusions disguising them as a reconnaissance team. As loath as Hibari was to rely on either stealth or illusions, now wasn’t the time to be picky. He’d barely gotten there in time as it was – any seconds of delay spent fighting other enemies likely would’ve meant the demise of Yamamoto and Lal Mirch. 

But now, thanks to Roll’s Reverse Needle Sphere, he was able to fight Genkishi purely in a melee setting, without any pesky illusions getting in the way. It had been a long time since he’d had such a worthy opponent – it wasn’t often that someone was powerful enough to make him want to rip them to shreds.

If only he had more time. Genkishi was stronger than he’d expected, so now he likely wouldn’t get the satisfaction of beating this illusionist to a bloody pulp before his younger self had the gall to take over.

As the time for him to swap came closer and closer, Hibari’s mind wandered to the younger Gokudera. He didn’t know if he was alive or not, but it was too late to worry about that now. He’d just have to put his trust in his own younger self, and hope that he could get his head out of his ass long enough to realize what Gokudera, and the Vongola, meant to him. 

He wondered if the younger Gokudera at least realized how much Hibari would do for him, if he would take that information moving forward with his own Hibari. They needed each other, even if they couldn’t believe it right now. Hibari hadn’t fully realized it himself until just a few weeks ago, when Gokudera was gone and he suddenly couldn’t function like he used to. But just as a storm needed clouds to be free, clouds needed a storm to help let go a little. 

It would take many years, but his Hibari would warm up eventually. The iron walls he’d built around himself weren’t that indestructible.

Looking back on it now, Hibari could attribute most of his self-imposed isolation to jealousy. He’d been so jealous of the family and easy camaraderie that he’d never had, that had seemed so restrictive in his younger years. So he’d closed himself off, claimed that he didn’t need anyone, and made it near impossible for anyone to need him.

But, somehow, they broke through: Tetsu and Hayato and the rest of the Vongola. They fought their way to his inner self like no one else had ever bothered to do before. Perhaps, at first, it was simply because they needed him, his strength, but it quickly became more than that. With Gokudera, with Sawada, with all of them, there was a loneliness that resonated between them, a loneliness only they could recognize, a loneliness only they could dissipate.  

And slowly, he had come to realize that he needed them, too. That particular type of loneliness had overstayed its welcome, and he never wanted to go back to it. They were his family—no matter how much he might deny it when asked—and he would fight like hell to protect them.

But his time was up. He smirked as Genkishi ran towards him, swords brandished for the kill.

“It’s up to you now,” Hibari said, and swapped with his younger self.

--

When Gokudera awoke, he was extremely disoriented.

He didn’t recognize where he was, and he didn’t remember falling asleep. He was, strangely, lying supine in some giant, white, circular contraption, which he stumbled up and out of in a daze. He would be more alarmed by all of this if his friends and family weren’t there, too – Yamamoto was clambering out beside him with an outrageous case of bedhead. He caught his eye, giving him a weak smile and a shrug, apparently just as confused as he was. Everyone else was milling about, murmuring to each other and glancing around in bewilderment.

Gokudera started looking for Hibari, but got distracted as he realized that there was someone who wasn’t visibly confused. Someone who looked a hell of a lot like— 

His breath caught in his throat. It couldn’t be, and yet—it was him. He’d recognize that spiky hair, those warm, kind, brown eyes anywhere. It just didn’t make any sense – he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

He took a shaky step forward. “…Tsuna?”

Tsuna turned, a small, awkward smile on his face, and only then could Gokudera believe it. He broke down into sobs as he rushed over to him, wrapping him tightly in his arms. He was crying so hard that he was probably getting tears and snot all over Tsuna’s hair, and he was babbling nonsense that was incomprehensible even to him, let alone the people around him, but Tsuna just laughed and hugged him back. Everyone else soon joined in the hug as well – Yamamoto, gently embracing the two of them; Kyouko and Haru, completing a full circle around Tsuna; Lambo and I-Pin, half-hugging Gokudera with tears and snot of their own; Chrome, squeezing herself into the space under Yamamoto’s arm; Ryouhei, crashing into them so hard that they all nearly fell over; Basil, leaning over Kyouko and Haru to press his head against Tsuna’s, his eyes closed as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“How are you alive?” Gokudera gasped after a moment, the first coherent thing he could say. “I thought—”

“It’s going to take a while to explain,” Tsuna said quietly. He looked guilty for a second, though Gokudera didn’t understand why, before a wide smile stretched across his face. “I’m just so relieved that everyone’s okay…! Reborn and all the other Arcobaleno, too!”

“Wh—?!” Gokudera could hardly believe his ears, but when he twisted around, he saw the Arcobaleno standing on the outskirts of their hug-circle, all with elated expressions.

Reborn jumped over everyone, landing on Tsuna’s shoulder. He tugged hard at Tsuna’s ear as he said, “You have a lot of explaining to do, Tsuna.”

“Ow, ow!” Tsuna shouted, trying in vain to push him away. But then he laughed. “I missed you, Reborn!”

Reborn smirked, tilting his head down so his hat covered his eyes. “…Miss me later, No-Good Tsuna. Your Family deserves an explanation.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tsuna murmured. “But maybe that should wait until everyone’s had some time to relax and recover…?”

“Wait, relax and recover from what?” Gokudera demanded. He felt like he had been sleeping for a week – he definitely didn’t need more time to rest. “And what about that bastard Byakuran—?”

“Taken care of. We wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.” 

Gokudera startled as Hibari’s voice suddenly came from behind him. He turned as Hibari pressed against his side, taking his hand and tangling their fingers together. Gokudera blinked – neither of them were much for public displays of affection, and even this small gesture was unprecedented. “Kyouya—?”

Hibari placed his free hand on the back of Gokudera’s neck and kissed him fiercely. Gokudera was so surprised that he could barely even react before Hibari pulled away again, pressing their foreheads together.

“Welcome home,” he murmured, which was even more confusing.

Before Gokudera could question him, however, he noticed someone else hovering outside their circle, someone who definitely shouldn’t be there. Hackles rising, his storm ring blazed to life as he pointed over Hibari’s shoulder, snarling out, “What the hell are you doing here?!”  

Irie Shouichi flinched, grimacing as he took a hesitant step back. “I—”

Tsuna extracted himself from the hug pile, with some difficulty, and went over to stand next to Irie. “Gokudera, it’s okay! I promise!”

“How the hell could it be okay?!” Gokudera snarled. “He killed—”

Except he couldn’t have, since Tsuna was alive. But he still worked for Byakuran, didn’t he?!

Gokudera was so hopelessly lost at that point, and this was only further added onto when he noticed even more people across the room from Irie, people who seemed to be…their younger selves…? Or at least people who looked a hell of a lot like them, standing around awkwardly and very obviously trying not to stare at them.

Gokudera faltered, his flame fizzling out. “What the hell—?!”

Tsuna scratched the back of his head. “…On second thought, maybe it would be best to explain now.”

“Let me send them back home first,” Irie murmured, tilting his head towards the younger group. He put a hand on Tsuna’s free shoulder, which nearly made Gokudera stride over and punch him right in the face.

He would have, if Hibari wasn’t still holding onto him.

Tsuna, for his part, just smiled at Irie. Smiled. “Okay. We’ll head back to the base, then, and you can meet us there when you’re done.”

Gokudera’s lip pulled back in a snarl. “We shouldn’t reveal the location of our—!”

“He’s already been there,” a man with blonde hair and a lollipop clenched between his teeth drawled, rolling his eyes. “Would you let him explain first before jumping to conclusions?”

“And who the hell are you?!” Gokudera shouted at him.

Yamamoto put a hand on Gokudera’s shoulder. “Gokudera, let’s hear them out, alright? Tsuna always has a good reason.”

That, at least, was true. Gokudera didn’t have any desire to trust the rest of these fuckers, but he believed in Tsuna completely. There had to be a logical reason for all of this – Tsuna wasn’t easily fooled by backstabbers.

So he’d hold back from attacking them. For now.

Hibari smirked. “If I let you go, will they still be alive in a few minutes?”

Gokudera snorted, but smiled despite himself. “They will be. Unless you decide to kill them for some other reason.”

Hibari flashed a smile that was all predatory teeth and then released him. Before he could fully step away, however, Gokudera cupped his face and kissed him properly. He didn’t know what was going on, but it was good to see him just the same. It strangely felt like it had been a while.

Hibari hummed and kissed him back, and for a moment they got lost in it, holding onto each other as tightly as they could. 

--

The Vongola Family returned to their underground base, which seemed to have a few more battle scars than Gokudera remembered there being. Hibari, too, seemed different than he had been just a day ago – he hadn’t left his side once the whole walk back, which was as puzzling as it was pleasant. What the hell had happened while he’d been asleep…?

In the main conference room, they all took their usual seats around the table, the blonde lollipop man leaning with Kusakabe against the side wall. Hibari, as always, didn’t enter the room with them, instead remaining just outside in the hallway, but he almost seemed reluctant to leave Gokudera, which was odd. Tsuna stood at the head of the table – he never fully looked like he believed that he belonged there, even after all of these years. He usually preferred to move around the room instead, but today he simply stood there, wringing his hands together nervously.  

“Well…I guess I should start by saying that most of you have been asleep for ten to fourteen days,” he said once everyone had settled.

Gokudera’s eyes widened. Ten to fourteen days?! No wonder so much seemed different, but how the hell was that even possible?!

Haru clutched the collar of her shirt nervously. “Who would do that?! And why? And how?”

“Shouichi,” Tsuna said, and then immediately threw his hands out to calm everyone as they reared up in outrage. “Wait, wait! He did it because I asked him to!”

“Looks like you need to go back a bit further, Tsuna,” Yamamoto said gently.

Tsuna nodded, took a deep breath, and started again. “When I first met Byakuran, I also met Shouichi, and he took me aside and warned me about the danger Byakuran posed to the world. But there was no way to stop him without the Vongola rings, so we devised a plan to bring our younger selves here to our present. We brought them one by one, so that those from our time who remained could give them guidance, and faked my death to give them a reason to pursue Shouichi and thereby gain experience with the ring and box system. I was hesitant to bring everyone here, put innocent lives in danger, but my past self never would’ve cooperated without them… And Byakuran would’ve brought them all to the future eventually, anyway – at least this way we could control it, and give our past selves a chance at winning.”

Tsuna clenched his fists tightly. “…Otherwise, we would’ve lost everything.”

Gokudera could hardly believe what he was hearing. The plan made sense to him, mostly, but why hadn’t he told everyone before? Why did only some outsider know what was happening – didn’t Tsuna trust them, his guardians, his family?

And why was Gokudera the first person who’d been swapped? Was he really so unneeded? Did Tsuna think that he’d just get in the way?

Tsuna glanced at the doorway, where Hibari was lurking. “Hibari overheard the conversation, so he helped us plan it, too.” 

Ice suddenly spread through Gokudera’s insides. He felt hollow, sick. …That couldn’t be true. Could it? He quickly went over every interaction he’d had with Hibari before he went to Tsuna’s coffin—had he been acting strange?—but he couldn’t really remember. His memories of that time were hazy due to his grief. He’d thought Tsuna was dead. He did remember Hibari comforting him, but that seemed tainted now.

Because all along, Hibari had known the truth and kept it from him. Had decided, along with Tsuna, that Gokudera wasn’t needed. The person who Gokudera thought understood him, loved him, trusted him.

How could he…how could he do something like that?! 

Tsuna glanced at Gokudera nervously, like he could see his turmoil right on his face. Knowing him, maybe he could. “I asked him to keep it a secret from everyone – we thought that keeping the plan to just a few people would lessen the chances of Byakuran finding out…”

But Gokudera wasn’t really listening anymore. He was falling to pieces, and it felt like everyone in the room was staring at him, pitying him. Maybe none of them actually wanted him around – maybe they never had.

He stood from his chair abruptly and stormed out of the room. Hibari was leaning against the wall just outside, and his eyes flicked up to meet Gokudera’s for a moment before he looked away again, like he was more interested in the drywall. Gokudera knew better, but it made him so angry in that moment that he could hardly contain it.

“You knew about this?” he growled. “You helped plan this?”

“…Yes,” was all he said. He still wouldn’t look at him, though he did reach out to touch his wrist. “Hayato—”

But Gokudera pulled away from him. He was barely holding himself together, his breathing harsh in his ears, and the thought of someone watching him fall apart was unbearable. Especially if all Hibari had to say was how little Gokudera really meant to him. “Don’t – I can’t… I don’t want to hear it.”

Hibari’s eyes widened and his hand slowly fell away. Guilt ate at Gokudera’s insides, but he was so hurt, so angry.

He stormed off down the hall, tears stinging his eyes.

--

He wandered for hours, feeling numb.

He didn’t know what to do, what to think. He tried to convince himself that he was overreacting, that he was just falling into his old insecurities again, but it wasn’t working. He kept turning over what had happened in his mind, trying to make sense of it and failing. He just couldn’t accept that Tsuna and Hibari had done that to him, to all of them. He understood that it had been a dire situation, but in the past, they’d always worked through their problems together – they’d never lied to them and replaced them— 

Gokudera took a harsh breath and scrubbed at his eyes. He hated feeling like this. He hated how empty it made him feel, like he was worthless, like he didn’t even exist. Usually, when he felt like this, he went to Hibari, but now—

He continued on, wandering through the halls and up and down the elevators. He didn’t have a destination, but he eventually found himself at Yamamoto’s rooms. Gokudera always seemed to end up there whenever he had a fight with Hibari, so much so that he had an overnight bag permanently stored in Yamamoto’s closet. It was kind of funny to think about, considering how much Gokudera had despised him when he was younger, how jealous of him he’d been. But as he got older and became more comfortable in his skin and with the group, he realized how important Yamamoto was to him. He was a good friend, and somehow always understood him better than he understood himself.

Yamamoto was already there when Gokudera walked through the door, and he glanced up and smiled knowingly, like he’d been expecting him. Hell, he probably had been.

“You look like you need some tea,” he said.

Gokudera nodded mindlessly, feeling fragile as he sunk down onto Yamamoto’s couch. Yamamoto moved to the kitchen to prepare a pot of tea while Gokudera tried to focus on his breathing and the sounds of him bustling around his kitchen instead of his own tumultuous thoughts.

“That was sure a weird story Tsuna told us, huh?” Yamamoto said as he brought the tea over, sitting beside Gokudera on the couch.

For some reason, that casual statement made Gokudera’s anger erupt. He turned to face Yamamoto, a snarl on his face. “How the hell can you be so calm about this?!”

Yamamoto blinked at him. “About what?”

“About what happened! We were both switched so early!” Gokudera snapped. “Were we really that unnecessary? Would we have just gotten in the way?!”

Yamamoto took a sip of his tea, thinking, and then shrugged. “I don’t know, the way I see it, Tsuna of ten years ago needed us from ten years ago, too. He needed us with him.”

Gokudera faltered. He hadn’t thought of it like that before. “Then why did they keep everything a secret? We wouldn’t have told anyone, and we could’ve—we wouldn’t have had to—” He crumpled, and had to spend a few moments taking ragged breaths before he could continue, “I thought Tsuna was dead.”

Yamamoto’s face hardened and he looked down at his cup. “Yeah, that…that sucked. I trust that Tsuna thought it was necessary, since he wouldn’t have done it otherwise, but surely there must’ve been…”

He trailed off, staring into nothing for a moment.

“…Some other way,” Gokudera finished for him, harshly setting his cup down on the coffee table.

Yamamoto blinked and nodded. “Yeah. I mean, we’d already lost so many, and thinking that he was gone, too—”

Gokudera closed his eyes. That was exactly it. More than the betrayal of it, more than the pain of it, the grief hit the worst. What had been the point of faking Tsuna’s death? Switching them all with their younger selves was one thing, and still hit right where it hurt the most, but why had they been put through that on top of it? As if losing Reborn, Fon, the other Arcobaleno, and Yamamoto’s dad hadn’t been enough?

“I was broken,” Gokudera snarled. “And Kyouya saw all that, and still—” 

He broke off, picking at a loose thread in Yamamoto’s couch.

“…I think he was put in a pretty tough position,” Yamamoto murmured. “I wouldn’t have wanted to be the one left behind, making all of those decisions, worrying that any wrong move would mean the end of our Family. And I don’t think it would’ve been easy for him to see you like that, either.”

Gokudera considered this for a moment. He could understand that – as someone who was usually in charge of planning and delegating, he worried constantly about sending people on missions that they might not come back from. It was a heavy burden, but usually he had the luxury of sharing it with others, improving the plan with others’ inputs, talking through anxieties late into the night. He couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like for Hibari to carry that burden alone, to be one of the few people left behind with a bunch of children who probably felt like complete strangers.

And Hibari cared about him, he knew he did. He was well aware of Gokudera’s insecurities, what he constantly worried about – he wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer like this if he could help it.

Gokudera stared down at his lap, guilt pricking at him again. Maybe he really did overreact a little.

“…Am I being crazy?” he asked eventually.

Yamamoto smiled. “No. You’re closer to it than I am – Hibari’s your partner. And I’m not smart, I don’t come up with any of the plans. You do. You’re usually the one weighing all the variables, figuring out our plans of attack, who to send where, and you do a great job. Being left out this time must make you feel pretty weird.”

…That was certainly one way to put it. Gokudera took a deep breath, letting his anger slowly seep out of him. “I just…always feel like no one really needs me, or wants me around. I know it’s not true, but sometimes the idea gets stuck in my head and I can’t shake it. I guess this just…woke that all up again.”

Yamamoto’s brow furrowed as he put a hand on Gokudera’s knee. “Gokudera… You do know that none of us would even be here without you, right? Back when we first formed our Family, in middle school, you were the only one who knew what was going on! The rest of us thought it was some kind of game. But you wrangled us all together, kept us safe. You patrolled around our houses all the time – you even checked in on my dad when I wasn’t there.”

Gokudera flushed and looked away. “…You knew about that, huh?”

“You’re pretty obvious, Gokudera.” Yamamoto smiled. “You cared about us, but we cared about you, too. We still do.”

Tears pricked at Gokudera’s eyes. He knew that, of course he knew that, but hearing it was another thing altogether.

Yamamoto nudged him playfully. “Besides, I like having you around. You’re fun to tease.”

Gokudera laughed, rubbing at his eyes. “…Thanks, Yamamoto. Now I just have to figure out what the hell to say to Kyouya.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Yamamoto patted his knee and then leaned back. “You always do.”

Gokudera released a long breath and then looked Yamamoto over. Here he’d been talking about himself the whole time, but the situation must’ve taken a toll on him, too. And hell knew Yamamoto would never bring it up himself. “What about you? How are you holding up?”

“I’m happy,” Yamamoto said, his mouth curving upwards. “Everyone’s safe, our past selves are safe too… Mine will have his father well into his adult life.”

He said it so casually, like he was talking about a stranger, that it took Gokudera a moment to realize what he’d even said. Yamamoto had always had a bad habit of hiding his emotions – he was so good at it, too. The Gokudera of ten years ago wouldn’t have even noticed.

“Don’t say sad shit like that with a smile on your face!” Gokudera shouted, scuffing him over the head.

Yamamoto laughed, but it quickly turned into quiet sobs. Gokudera pulled him against his chest, holding him and patting his back.

“Idiot,” he murmured, but it was fond, as it always was.  

--

The next morning, Gokudera couldn’t leave Tsuna alone. He knew he was hovering, and that it was making Tsuna nervous, but he just couldn’t help himself. He needed to make sure that he was actually okay. Alive. And he saw the logic in what Yamamoto had said, about why Tsuna had swapped him so early, but he needed to hear it from Tsuna directly. It would haunt him for the rest of his life, otherwise.

But he was having trouble figuring out what to say, hence the hovering. Eventually, after Gokudera had followed him into his office and was hovering over his desk, Tsuna said, “Gokudera, is everything alright?”

Gokudera let out a harsh breath, looking down at the ground as he fiddled with his rings. “I—I need to hear it from you, Tenth.”

He rarely called Tsuna that anymore, but it slipped out, like he was just a henchman, not a trusted friend. Tsuna’s brows furrowed, but he waited for him to continue.

Gokudera hesitated, swallowed, and then spat out, “When you told us about what happened yesterday, I felt like I…was switched early because I wasn’t needed, because I’d just get in the way. But Yamamoto thought that maybe we were switched early because your younger self needed our younger selves, too. And I just…I need to know the truth.”

Tsuna’s eyes softened and he stood from the desk, circling it so that he was standing next to Gokudera. “Yamamoto was right. My younger self would’ve been completely alone in a world totally unfamiliar to him, with no one around for him to lean on. And nothing motivates me more than protecting my friends – he needed both of your younger selves to survive this.”

He smiled sadly. “And that’s true for me, too. Even if you never did another piece of paperwork, never planned a single mission again, you’d still mean the world to me and I’d want you by my side. You’re more to me than just the work that you do – you’re my family.”

Gokudera’s lip trembled, and he bit it to prevent a sob from coming out. He had to take a moment to breathe before he could speak. “I…that means a lot, Tsuna. You mean the world to me, too. Which is why, when I thought you’d died—”

He broke off, looking away. “…Was that really necessary?” 

Tsuna stared down at the ground, his trembling hands tightening into fists. “…We needed something drastic to convince our past selves to train and seek out Shouichi, without Byakuran finding out about his connection to us. Maybe there was a better way, but…”

Tsuna suddenly clutched at his hair, his eyes squeezing tightly shut. His facade, the brave face he’d started putting on ever since they became adults, was cracking, and it broke Gokudera’s heart to see it. “I was just so scared. I was so scared that not accepting the plan would mean losing everything, everyone. That no matter what I did, everyone I love and care about would die, all because I made a mistake.”

Gokudera blinked. “A mistake…?”

“The Vongola rings,” Tsuna whispered. “I made everyone destroy them because I wanted to avoid the conflict and destruction they’ve caused in the past. But then Byakuran showed up, and what we needed to survive were the very things I had made us get rid of.”

Gokudera frowned and put his hand on Tsuna’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have predicted that. You were just trying to protect everyone, to—”

Tsuna shook his head, pulling out of Gokudera’s grip. “No, I wasn’t. I was being selfish – I was trying to pretend, like I always was, that the mafia had nothing to do with me, that I could resist going down that path if I tried hard enough.

“But all it did was put us in danger. First, we lost Yamamoto’s dad. Then—Reborn, all the Arcobaleno.” His voice shook, and he had to pause for a long time before he could continue. “I was desperate. If I lost the rest of you, all because of me, I don’t know what I would’ve—”

He started to cry. Gokudera was shocked. All these years of knowing him, all this time spent by his side, and somehow he’d never known that Tsuna felt this way. Sure, he knew that Tsuna was a compassionate soul who detested having to hurt anyone—it was what had drawn Gokudera to him in the first place—but he’d had no idea that, all along, he’d been trying to get out of the mafia life, to live peacefully.

Gokudera probably should’ve been able to figure that out. But as someone who was born and raised into this life, the possibility of leaving it had never even occurred to him.

“…I’ve just been thinking about myself all this time – I had no idea that you were hurting, too,” Gokudera murmured, clenching his hands into fists. He was disgusted with himself, and ashamed. He was supposed to be Tsuna’s right-hand man, the person who was by his side through everything. “I should’ve been there for you – you shouldn’t have had to suffer through this alone. I’m sorry I couldn’t support you, Tsuna.”

Tsuna suddenly hugged him. Gokudera froze, floundering for a moment, so shocked that he didn’t know what to do, and then wrapped his arms around him in return. He pressed his face into his hair, focusing on the solidity of him.

“You’ve supported me perfectly – you’re so important to me, Gokudera,” Tsuna murmured, his voice wobbly. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel otherwise, and that I made you suffer through so much pain. I never want to do that to you, or to anyone, again.”

Gokudera let out a shaky breath as tears dripped down his cheeks. They held each other, unburdening the grief that they’d stupidly kept to themselves all this time. Gokudera was never comfortable being this vulnerable, but he couldn’t find it in himself to pull away, to shut down on this. He was so relieved that Tsuna was still here, that they could talk, that they could support each other.

“…If something like this happens again, promise me that we’ll work through it together,” Gokudera said as they pulled apart. “I know I’ve got a lot of work to do on myself, too, but…no more suffering in silence.”

Tsuna gave him a weak smile. “I promise. No more suffering in silence.”

They nodded at each other, and then embraced again. For the first time all day, a heavy weight lifted from Gokudera’s chest.

--

When Gokudera finally left Tsuna’s office, he stepped out into the hallway and ran right into Bianchi, who engulfed him in a huge, spine-crushing hug.

Gokudera just stood there for a moment, shocked, but then relaxed into her embrace. Things were still a little awkward between them, but they’d been getting steadily better recently, and he was relieved to see that she was okay, that she hadn’t been hurt while he was gone.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” she murmured, squeezing him before pulling back. She was wearing her goggles, strangely, the ones she used to wear when Gokudera was overcome with nausea just by looking at her. She pulled them off of her head with a small smile. “It’s nice to not have to wear these anymore.”

He smirked. “It’s nice to not pass out every time I see you.”

She laughed, hooking her arm around his as they started walking down the hallway. They didn’t have a destination, he didn’t think, but it was nice to be together. He looked her over – she seemed fragile, which was unusual. Bianchi always gave off an air like she didn’t really care about anything, but Reborn’s death and everything that had happened afterwards must’ve hit her hard.

He patted her hand. “Are you okay?”

She nodded tightly. “I am, now that you and Reborn are home.”

Anger flared up in him again before he could stop it. It was directionless, irrational anger, but it burned through him just the same.

Bianchi glanced at him. “About your Kyouya… Go easy on him, alright?”

Gokudera blinked at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“He was devastated while you were gone. Sad, lonely. I’ve never seen him like that before. I know you’re mad at him, and honestly I’m pissed off at him too, but being left behind like that…” She shook her head and tightened her grip on his arm. “It was horrible, for all of us.”

Gokudera turned this over for a moment. Hibari had once admitted to him how awful his loneliness as a child had really been. At the time, he had convinced himself that it was what he wanted, that it was better than the alternative, but as he got older, it became less and less true, less and less bearable. Hibari was a naturally solitary person, but that level of solitude was too much, too painful. He didn’t want that life anymore. Even if he hadn’t said it, it was clear enough by him asking Gokudera to move in with him, by giving him a ring, by sharing his life with him.

But now, Hibari had suffered through weeks of that horrible loneliness once again, not knowing whether he’d ever see his family again. And here Gokudera was, avoiding him and leaving him to fester in that unwanted solitude.

…He couldn’t do that to him. He loved him too much to treat him like that. They got too lost in their own heads sometimes to talk properly, but no matter what happened between them, no matter how angry they were when they fought, they always found a way back together. They meant too much to each other not to.

He stalled in the middle of the hall. “…Sis, I need to go.”

Bianchi nodded. “You do. Oh! But before that…” She handed him a tote bag, which he took with a frown. “These are for you.”

Bewildered, he opened the bag. Inside were letters, tons of them, and his eyes widened as he read the address on the front. They were all from their father…to his mother. “Where did these come from?”

“I found them in Father’s desk after he died,” Bianchi murmured. “They’re love letters he wrote to your mother until the day she died. I’m…sorry I didn’t give them to you before. I should have. You deserve to have them.”

Gokudera flipped through the letters with trembling hands. He would read them more thoroughly later, but even just scanning through them, he could tell that they contained nothing but love. Love for his mother, love for him. He’d always thought that his mother had died because their father refused to marry her, but it was the opposite – she’d turned down his marriage proposal because she knew that she was terminally ill and didn’t have much time left. But even after learning that, their father never stopped trying, never stopped loving her. Them. 

He’d had no idea that his father felt that way about him.

He was stunned. He could hardly believe the letters were even real.

“…I…” He swallowed. “Thank you.”

Bianchi looked away. “Don’t thank me. I don’t deserve it.”

Gokudera glanced at her. It was incredible that such a simple thing, looking at his sister, had been so impossible until recently. He’d barely been able to stomach being around her when they were growing up, so they’d never been close, but now he was trying his best to understand her, to be honest with her.

He wondered what it had been like for her to find tons of letters declaring their father’s love for Gokudera and his mother, but none for her and her mother.

…Though actually, he knew firsthand just how awful that was.

He hugged her, which obviously surprised her with the way she stiffened against him. “You do, though. You’ve always looked out for me, in your own way.”

She slowly wrapped her arms around his waist, letting out a wet laugh. “Some good my care did you.”

“But you cared,” he whispered. “That’s more than most people did. …And I care about you, too, by the way. I’m so glad that you’re safe.”

She audibly sniffed, so Gokudera held her tighter. They stood there for a long time before Bianchi pulled back again, patting his arm. “Alright, I get it. You love me and I’m the best sister ever.”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

She smirked, crossing her arms. “Now, get. You have someone else waiting for you, too.”

Gokudera nodded, folding the letters back into their envelopes. “Yeah. We should probably talk about these later, though.”

“Maybe when the sting of all this isn’t so sharp,” Bianchi said. “Several decades should do it.”

Gokudera smirked. “It’s a deal.”

They went their separate ways, Gokudera heading back to the house, home. He tried to figure out what he was going to say to Hibari, but his mind kept drifting back to his father’s unsent letters. All the pain he’d gone through, all that suffering, just because his father had never worked up the courage to express his feelings aloud. It was so fucked up, and it would probably take him a long, long time to process everything and work through it.

But it did make him realize one thing clearly: he couldn’t allow himself to do the same thing to the person he loved. He needed to make sure that Hibari knew, without a shadow of a doubt, how he felt, that no matter how much either of them fucked up, Gokudera would never give up on him. They couldn’t keep going through this same vicious cycle every time something traumatic happened.

But what would be the best way to go about it…?

He stopped as an idea struck him, and then abruptly changed direction. Hibari was good at symbolic gestures, so he’d actually already laid the path down. All Gokudera had to do was follow it.

He just needed to pick up a little something first.

--

When he finally returned to the house later that evening, he found Hibari sitting alone in their living room, staring blankly at a cup of tea. Based on the lack of steam coming from it, it was ice cold.

Gokudera’s heart broke just looking at him. How long had he been sitting there like that?

He sat down across from him, then immediately thought better of it and went to him. He embraced him tightly, burying his nose in his hair, breathing in his familiar scent. Hibari was frozen for a moment, but then he shifted, wrapping his arms snugly around Gokudera. They held each other like one of them would disappear if they let go, and honestly, after what had just happened, Gokudera thought they could be forgiven for envisioning it.

“I’m sorry,” Hibari said, before Gokudera could.

“…I’m the one who should be apologizing, idiot,” Gokudera mumbled into his hair. “I’m sorry I got so upset at you. I was being self-centered.”

Hibari shook his head slightly. “I would’ve been furious if our roles had been reversed.”

Gokudera closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. “And I would’ve been lonely, guilty, and missing you like hell.”

Hibari flinched. His fingers tightened in the back of Gokudera’s suit jacket. “I knew how it would affect you, and yet I still—” 

“You did what you had to do, to keep us safe.” Gokudera pulled back slightly and smiled at him. “Like you always do.”

Hibari squinted at him. “It’s not like you to be so understanding. Did something happen when you were switched back?”

“Gee, thanks,” Gokudera muttered, rolling his eyes fondly. “Not during the switch, but when I saw my sister just now. She gave me these.”

He handed him the bag of letters. Raising an eyebrow, Hibari pulled them out, scanning over each one before flipping on to the next.

Eventually, he looked back up at Gokudera. “…Your father loved you.”

Somehow, having it said aloud hit Gokudera like a truck. He gasped shakily, tears welling in his eyes, and he had to take a few moments before he could respond. “…Apparently. And it made me realize that everything I’ve fucking been through happened because he was too emotionally constipated to say how he felt. I don’t want to be the same way – I don’t want to hurt you, or return you to that horrible loneliness, or make you doubt for even a second how much I love you.”

Hibari’s eyes widened – Gokudera had to look down at the floor, his face burning, before he could continue, “But I was…really hurt by all of this. It felt like you didn’t care about me anymore, like everything we have together meant nothing to you. It took me a little while to figure out that it was just my stupid, insecure brain talking, and that it must’ve been pretty hard for you, too.”

“…I never wanted to hurt you,” Hibari murmured. “Or send you away.”

“…You know, for the first time in my entire life, I think I actually fully believe that,” Gokudera said, smiling as he reached for Hibari’s hand. “I’ll try not to take it so personally next time you decide to swap me with a younger version of myself.”

A small smile formed in the corner of Hibari’s mouth. He sat with Gokudera’s words for a long time, running his thumb gently along his rings. “…I didn’t expect it to hurt so much, being separated from you like that. All those years I spent alone, you think I could handle ten days of it.”

Gokudera smirked at him, his heart full to bursting as he squeezed his hand. “We’ve gotten soft in our old age.”

Hibari smirked back. “I guess we have. Because it turns out I love you, too.”

Gokudera’s mouth dropped open in shock. Hibari had never said those words to him. Gokudera had always been able to tell, especially when he or Hibari came home from a long mission that the other hadn’t been on and they could barely separate long enough to take a few breaths. But he’d never said it, and Gokudera’s traitorous brain would sometimes remind him of that, even though he knew better.

But now, maybe that voice would finally shut the fuck up.

Blinking back sudden tears, Gokudera leaned in to kiss him. Hibari met him eagerly, the two of them slotting together like puzzle pieces, as they always did. Gokudera sighed into his mouth, something finally settling within him that had been restless for a very, very long time.

After a while, they parted for breath, just briefly. Gokudera kissed him again and then rested their foreheads together. “By the way, I got you a little something.”

Hibari tilted his head slightly, surprised but curious. Gokudera could read him like a book – it was funny to think that he had once found him unknowable. With shaking hands, Gokudera pulled back and took the ring box out of his jacket pocket. He thumbed it open, then presented it to him.

The ring was a dark purple tungsten carbide, with two black stripes circling the outer edges. Besides the color, it was a perfect match to Gokudera’s ring.

Hibari’s gaze on him was heavy. He knew what it meant – he had to. He was the one who’d given him a ring first, after all.

“Don’t break this one,” Gokudera teased, but it came out breathlessly as he slid the ring onto Hibari’s ring finger.

“…I won’t.” Hibari stared at his right hand, fingers splayed. The new ring fit in perfectly with his cloud and mist rings, simple but elegant.

Gokudera smiled, but then frowned in confusion as Hibari started digging around in his yukata sleeve. Surely he hadn’t gotten him another ring…?!

But he pulled out the same red one, slipping it onto a baffled Gokudera’s finger. He knew he hadn’t been wearing it, since the Sistema C.A.I. rings were currently taking up all of his right hand, but it didn’t explain why Hibari had apparently been carrying it around with him. “…Why did you have this in your pocket?”

“I showed it to your younger self,” Hibari said simply.

Gokudera gaped at him. “…What?! Why?!”

“Uri kept coming back here every time he let her out, and it was less bothersome to just tell him why.” Hibari’s eyes dropped to the box hanging from Gokudera’s belt. “Speaking of, you should let her out. She’ll be wanting to see you – she hated your counterpart even more than she hates you.”

Gokudera laughed, warmth flooding through him as he glanced down at Uri’s box fondly. It had taken so much work to get her to warm up to him—and honestly, he still wasn’t sure if she really liked him or just tolerated him—but to know that she’d missed him… 

He grinned and lit his storm ring to let her out of her box. She appeared in front of them, her eyes lighting up when she saw Gokudera. Yowling, she leapt into his lap and then up to his shoulder, purring loudly as she rubbed her face against his cheek. Not too long ago, she would’ve used this position to try and claw his eyes out, but they were past those days now. Mostly.

Gokudera pressed a kiss to the side of her head, scritched under her chin, and wondered what the hell his younger self must’ve thought about all this. “I’m sure telling my younger self that you essentially gave me a wedding ring went over well.” 

Hibari tilted his head slightly. “He took it better than I expected, better than my younger self would’ve.”

“…I wonder if it’ll make it easier for them,” Gokudera murmured, rubbing his hand down Uri’s back. “I hope so.”

Hibari shot him a disdainful look. “I don’t. If I had to suffer, then they should, too.”

Gokudera snorted. “You’ve got a heart of gold there, Kyouya.”

Hibari smirked, making Gokudera’s heart rate kick up. He really did love him – sometimes it was a little unbelievable how much. He never would’ve predicted that his life would end up like this, but he wouldn’t change it for all the world.

They pressed closer, Uri cuddled between them, their breaths intermingling as they kissed again. Hibari reached up to draw his fingers down Gokudera’s jaw, the frigid metal of his new ring stark against Gokudera’s flushed skin. They kissed for a while, savoring each other. To Gokudera, it only felt like a day had passed since he’d left, but he kissed Hibari just as desperately as Hibari kissed him.

For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he’d ever get enough of him.

“…Oh, I got you these, too,” Gokudera said when they separated, pulling a long, flat case out of his other pocket. “A little bird told me your old ones were destroyed.”

Hibari raised an eyebrow, but once he opened the box he smiled, genuinely smiled in a way that Gokudera was pretty sure only he got to see. He pulled out one of the tonfa, testing the feel of it in his hand. “Who should I bite to death first?”

“I still think that Irie bastard deserves a good smacking,” Gokudera grumbled. “But if not him, I’m sure you’ll find someone soon enough. I’ll convert them into a cloud box in the next couple of days, too.”

Hibari carefully set the tonfa back into its box. “…Thank you, Hayato. For everything.”

Gokudera smiled and snuggled up against Hibari, resting his head on his shoulder and his hand on his thigh. “Right back at you.”

Hibari kissed the top of his head, covering his hand with his own and squeezing it tightly. Gokudera closed his eyes, relaxing into the familiar warmth of him. He was suddenly exhausted, but everything felt right now, as it should be.

Finally, he was home.