Work Text:
A knock came from Bakugo's door while he was reading a book. He rolled his eyes, getting up with a groan and scratched his face. He dragged himself to the door and opened it a crack to be greeted with the last person he thought would be behind there.
“Monoma? The fuck you doin’ here?”
Monoma shuffled his feet and looked at the floor and avoided eye contact.
“I- uh”
He tried to speak but nothing was really coming out.
“Monoma what's wrong”
Bakugo was getting more and more irritated by the second. He could already feel his eye twitching but it was hard to tell whether it was from lack of sleep or annoyance.
“I came to… check on you. Can I come in? It's embarrassing just standing outside”
He had to admit that he was taken aback. Part of him wanted to tell him to fuck off and go back to the class 1-b dorms and get out of his face but…his face. He looked like a kicked puppy, like a box with the words “take me” were crudely scrawled out and he had nowhere to go.
“Fine…”
Bakugo stood aside and let Monoma enter his room. He did also take a quick look into the hallway to make sure that no one actually saw, he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it. Immediately when entering he turned around to the other blonde and looked him up and down with concerned eyes.
“What?”
Bakugo was short with his words as he raised an eyebrow and could already feel his eye starting to twitch with irritation.
“You’re fully healed then? From being in hospital?”
There was a softness to Monoma's voice that wasn't there before and Bakugo was just starting to pick up on it. It sounded like actual concern.
“Oh uh yeah- got some extra help form recovery girl once they discharged me”
“Thats good”
Monoma's eyes kept drifting down to Bakugo's chest. It was completely unconscious and it wasn't really his chest he was looking at. It was his heart. The faint scar that shigaraki had left was poking out of the top of Bakugo's shirt and it sent pain to his own.
“Monoma what the hell are you loo-”
Bakugo tried to stop him and this weird intrusion this boy was having but Monoma quickly cut him off.
“Your heart…can i…”
His hand was already up, almost reaching for it already but he realised what he was doing and tried to retract every single action that had led him to this point.
“That's weird. Right sorry i can go-”
Bakugo sighed. He gets it. It wasn't really a sigh of annoyance and more pity than anything.
“Come here”
Bakugo grabbed his arm and pulled his hand to his chest. Monoma immediately softened as he felt the faint beat of his heart. It was like all the stress and anxiety was gone. It softened bakugo, and his heart a little.
“Better?”
Monoma looked up and saw the expression on the other man's face. Both of them were so close. It was like they were the only two people in the world, just for a second.
“Y-yes… I’m sorry. I keep having nightmares about you dying and feeling your heart beat…it- it helps”
Bakugo let out a small “hmph” and smirked slightly.
“No, I understand. I-”
Monoma looked like a deer in headlights as he heard him talk. He was waiting for him to yell or scream and tell him to get out but he didnt…he said something completely different. The last thing he thought he would say.
“Do you wanna stay here tonight? I won't tell anyone and it might help…”
His eyes widened and all words faltered in his throat.
“A-are you sure?”
Bakugo nodded and ran a hand through his hair.
“Look im not goona pretend this isnt a weird situation but…i think it would help me too”
Monoma finally put his hand down and was already missing the sensation. Bakugo walked over to his bed and put his phone on charge and shuffled to pat the place next to him.
“Come sit”
Monoma nodded and sat rigidly next to him as Bakugo laid back with his hands behind his head.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“About what?”
“Dying”
Bakugo sighed. This is the first time someone has actually asked about it. Everyone had asked him how he felt but not how it felt.
“Strange…real strange”
Momoma began to relax and laid down next to Bakugo as they talked, Bakugo looking at the ceiling and Monoma absorbed in his eyes.
“I hate rain. I didn't even realise I stopped moving but… it didn't hurt.”
The image of Bakugo's dead body laid there being drenched in a blanket of rain and blood filled his mind all over again.
“I did have that weird 7 minutes thing though… i had loads of memories flooding into my mind”
Monoma was hanging onto every word that came out of his mouth. The first time he had actually shut his mouth and listened.
“Mostly of izuku… a few of all might”
Momoma hummed in agreement and looked down at the bed.
“Are you in love with him?”
Bakugo stopped. His breathing stopped. It felt like his heart stopped all over again.
“I-i wouldn't call it love. I don't think we could ever make it love i-”
How do you respond to that? How would you ever even start formulating a response? Luckily he didn't have to and bakugo kept talking.
“I didn't realise how much he occupied my mind. I feel like I'm chasing after him constantly and he's just out of my reach and now… now he's miles away. There's nothing I can do about it”
His words started to wobble towards the end of the sentence. He was crying. Bakugo Katsuki was crying in front of Monoma and being vulnerable.
“Dying does change you… i died trying and trying for Izuku”
Monoma put a hand on his arm. Hesitantly but once he saw that bakugo didn't pull away he softly rubbed it.
“Thats not healthy…”
“I know… i know that…which is why even if i was in love with him…i cant be…”
Bakugo turned his head away from Monoma trying to hide his tears as they streamed down his face.
“I might not know how you feel but I understand. It's hard…”
Monoma had an urge to be the one to wipe his tears and tell him he's okay but there was something holding him back.
“Sorry…i know its stupid”
“Its not stupid”
Bakugo looked at him finally and smiled again slightly.
“Y’know it's nice… you're not pretending to be strong or be okay…or just brushing me off…”
They smiled at each other. Just a small moment of two souls finally connecting. Two birds of a feather.
“I feel guilty about you dying but probably not in the same way that Midoriya might. I had to watch every single moment and there was nothing I could do about it. At all… if i stopped watching more people would die”
Monoma finally took the lead and brought his hand up to his face and wiped a tear away.
“Ive worried and worried about you…i needed to know you were okay and every night i think your dead again and i just have to watch.”
This was the first time in ages bakugo felt cared for. Fully cared for. He didn't owe Monoma anything. He didn't need or want anything from him. He hasn't done anything and yet this boy sat there, his eyes full of affection caring about his wellbeing just for his sake.
“I didn't realise you'd care that much”
Bakugo's head leant into the touch slightly. He hates people touching him…and he hates talking about his emotions but here…it felt okay.
“I didn't realise I would either…”
Monoma shuffled a little closer and bakugo laid back. He didn't move and let him come closer and he even went to lay on his arm. Bakugo huffed and pulled the man on top of him and let him lay on his chest.
“I thought you'd sleep better like this.”
Hearing his heartbeat was completely different to feeling it. It felt so close, so personal. He could already feel himself get sleepy and soon drifted off on Bakugo's chest.
“Goodnight asshole”
Bakugo finally pulled his blanket over both of them and fell asleep with Monoma cradled in his arms.