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The cemetery was almost empty, the winter air biting at Emily’s face as she made her way up the path. The sky hung low, heavy with clouds that promised snow, but she barely noticed.
She didn’t even know what had brought her here—no, that wasn’t true. She knew exactly why. She just didn’t want to admit it.
Her boots crunched softly over the frosted ground until she stopped in front of the familiar headstone.
William LaMontagne Jr. Beloved Husband. Father. Protector.
Emily shoved her hands into her coat pockets, staring at the name until her eyes blurred.
“Hey, Will,” she murmured, her voice catching slightly. “It’s… been a while since I came here alone.” She forced a laugh that died too quickly. “Usually I’m standing a few feet away while JJ talks to you. Trying to give her space.”
She shifted her weight, feeling the cold seep through her boots.
“I told myself I wouldn’t do this. That I’d keep it locked up. But it’s been eating at me, and I… I can’t carry it anymore without telling someone. And if I’m gonna tell anyone, it should be you.”
The wind whistled faintly through the bare branches, but otherwise, it was silent.
Emily exhaled shakily. “I’m in love with her, Will. I think I always have been. Long before she met you. Long before you gave her the kind of happiness I could never bring myself to ruin.” She swallowed, her throat tightening. “You gave her the life she deserved. You gave her Henry and Micheal. And I was… happy for her. Really, I was. But now…”
Her voice cracked, and she pressed her lips together hard.
“Now you’re gone, and she’s hurting, and I’m… I’m selfish enough to want to be the one she turns to. I want to make her laugh again. I want to hold her when it gets bad. And I hate myself for it, Will, because it feels like I’m trying to take something that isn’t mine.”
Her vision swam, and this time she didn’t blink the tears away.
“She still loves you. She always will. And I swear to you, I will protect her. I’ll keep her safe. But I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for feeling this way about your wife.”
Her voice broke completely then. Emily dropped to her knees in the frozen grass, leaning forward until her forehead rested against the cold stone. The granite chilled her skin, but she didn’t move.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. And again. And again. It became a mantra, her shoulders shaking as the tears came freely now, spilling hot against the cold surface. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
She lost track of time. Minutes blurred into hours, her body numbed by the cold, but she stayed there—because moving felt like letting go, and she wasn’t ready.
It wasn’t until she felt a warm, steady hand on her arm that she stirred. The touch was gentle, grounding.
“Emily?” The voice was soft, familiar.
Emily’s eyes opened slowly, her cheek still pressed to the stone, breath coming in uneven pulls.
She didn’t need to look to know it was JJ.
Emily blinked against the cold, trying to ground herself in the present, but JJ’s hand on her arm made it harder to hide the rawness in her voice.
“JJ,” she rasped, straightening slowly. Her knees protested from being pressed into frozen ground for so long, but the ache in her chest was far worse.
JJ’s brows furrowed, eyes flicking between Emily’s tear-streaked face and the headstone. “What are you doing here? Alone?”
Emily tried to speak, but the words caught in her throat. She rubbed at her face quickly, as though she could erase the last few hours. “I just… needed to talk to him.”
JJ crouched down beside her, concern etched deep into her features. “You look frozen. And upset. Emily, what’s going on?”
Emily’s gaze stayed fixed on the granite letters. “It’s nothing. I didn’t mean for you to—”
“Don’t,” JJ said softly but firmly. “Don’t tell me it’s nothing when you’re out here in thirty-degree weather, crying at my husband’s grave.”
The weight of that truth hung between them. Emily’s chest tightened under JJ’s steady stare.
JJ shifted closer, her voice quieter now. “Emily… why are you here?”
For a moment, Emily thought she could lie—say it was about the case, say she’d been checking on JJ’s flowers. But JJ’s eyes… JJ’s eyes had always seen right through her.
Emily exhaled shakily, forcing the words out. “Because I had to tell him something I couldn’t say to anyone else.”
JJ’s confusion deepened. “Tell him what?”
Emily’s eyes burned again, fresh tears threatening. She shook her head, voice cracking. “I can’t—”
JJ’s hand tightened gently on her arm. “Yes, you can. Please.”
Emily finally looked at her then—really looked at her—and the concern in JJ’s face nearly undid her all over again.
“I came here to tell him I’m sorry,” Emily whispered. “Because I’m in love with you, JJ. And I think I always have been.”
JJ froze, eyes widening, her breath catching in the cold air.
JJ didn’t say anything at first. She just stared at Emily like she was trying to process the words, her breath visible in the frigid air.
The silence felt heavier than the cold.
Emily’s stomach twisted. She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself. “I know it’s wrong. I know you’re still grieving, and I’m not here to—God, JJ, I’m not trying to replace him. I just… I couldn’t carry it anymore. I needed him to know I would never hurt you. That I’d always be here for you, no matter what it means for me.”
JJ’s throat bobbed as she swallowed. “You came here… to tell him that?”
Emily nodded, voice small. “Because I owed him the truth. And because saying it to you felt… unfair.”
JJ’s gaze softened, though confusion still flickered in her expression. “Emily… I don’t even know what to say right now.”
“I’m not asking you to say anything,” Emily said quickly, her voice trembling. “You’ve been through enough. I’m sorry for making this about me. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just—pretend you didn’t hear it, okay?”
JJ shook her head slowly. “I can’t do that.” She hesitated, her breath catching before she added, “You think I haven’t noticed? How you’ve pulled away these last few months? I just didn’t understand why until now.”
Emily’s chest tightened, and she finally met JJ’s eyes again.
“I pulled away,” Emily admitted, “because I didn’t trust myself to hide it anymore. And I didn’t want to put that on you.”
JJ’s gaze lingered on her for a long moment before she glanced at the headstone. “You were here for hours, weren’t you?”
Emily gave a weak smile. “Guess I lost track of time.”
JJ reached out, her gloved hand brushing Emily’s cheek, warmer than the air between them. “You’re freezing. Come on, let’s get you out of the cold. We can… figure the rest out later.”
Emily nodded, relief and dread warring inside her, but she didn’t pull away when JJ helped her up. They walked in silence toward the car, JJ’s hand never leaving her arm—steady, grounding, and far more comforting than Emily felt she deserved.
Back At JJ’s House
Emily sat curled into the far corner of JJ’s couch, blanket draped over her shoulders, the faint smell of woodsmoke clinging to the air. She hadn’t planned on ending up here—JJ had insisted, steering the car toward her own house instead of Emily’s apartment, saying she didn’t want her going home alone in the state she was in.
The fire popped softly in the hearth. The warmth should have thawed her, but it hadn’t reached her chest.
JJ returned from the kitchen with two mugs, setting one in front of Emily before settling beside her. “It’s hot chocolate. I figured you’ve had enough caffeine for one day.”
Emily gave a faint smile she didn’t feel, murmuring, “Thanks.”
For a long time, neither spoke. The silence wasn’t awkward, but it was heavy—thick with everything unsaid.
Finally, JJ shifted slightly, eyes fixed on her. “Emily… what you said at the cemetery…”
Emily’s shoulders stiffened. “I know I shouldn’t have—”
“No,” JJ cut in gently. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t have. I’m saying… it meant something. And I’m trying to process it.”
That should have comforted Emily, but instead, it cracked something in her. Her throat tightened, and she shook her head. “JJ, I’ve been holding this for years. I’ve tried to bury it. I thought if I just… kept my distance, it would fade. But it doesn’t. And now he’s gone, and I’m terrified you’ll think I’m taking advantage of that.”
Her voice broke on the last word, and suddenly the tears were there, hot and unstoppable. “I’m sorry,” she choked, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. “God, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, or disrespect him, or—”
“Emily,” JJ interrupted softly, cupping her face and tilting her chin up gently, “Emily, you went to his grave to tell him, for God’s sake. You did that because you respect him, and because you respect me. That’s not selfish. That’s… who you are.”
Emily’s shoulders shook, and she finally let herself collapse into JJ’s arms, burying her face in her shoulder. JJ held her firmly, one hand rubbing slow circles between her shoulder blades.
“It’s okay,” JJ murmured against her hair. “You hear me? It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t disrespect him. You’ve been here for me more than anyone, and I’m… grateful. More than I can say.”
Emily’s hands fisted in the back of JJ’s sweater, her voice muffled and broken. “I don’t know what to do with this.”
“You don’t have to figure it out tonight,” JJ whispered, holding her tighter. “Right now, just let me be here with you. That’s enough.”
They stayed like that for a long time, the fire crackling softly in the background. And for the first time since she’d walked into that cemetery, Emily let herself believe JJ’s words—just a little.
Emily’s body finally began to relax against JJ, but the weight of everything she’d held in for so long still pressed on her chest. Her tears hadn’t stopped—they only slowed to quiet streams, tracing warm tracks down her cheeks. JJ’s arms around her were steady, unwavering, and for the first time in months, Emily let herself fully lean in.
JJ lifted her hand to brush a tear from Emily’s face, her thumb lingering over the damp skin. “Emily… it’s okay. You don’t have to explain anymore,” she whispered, voice trembling slightly.
Emily’s lips quivered as she looked up at JJ. Her eyes were glossy, tears threatening to spill again. “I’m so scared,” she admitted, voice breaking. “I don’t want to hurt you… I don’t want to—”
“You could never hurt me,” JJ interrupted softly, shaking her head. Her own eyes were wet now, tears spilling freely down her cheeks. “Not after everything. Not ever.”
Emily’s breath hitched. The sight of JJ crying made something inside her crack completely. She reached up, cupping JJ’s face with both hands, fingers trembling against the warmth of her skin.
JJ’s hand went to the back of Emily’s neck, holding her gently but firmly. “It’s okay,” she murmured again. “You’re here. I’m here. That’s all that matters.”
Their eyes locked, both glistening with tears, and then JJ leaned forward.
Their lips met in a kiss that was at once tentative and desperate, trembling with all the emotions neither of them had been able to say aloud for years. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t neat—it was messy and raw and real. Every unspoken word, every year of buried feelings, grief, and longing poured into that single, trembling kiss. When they finally pulled apart, foreheads pressed together, neither could speak. Their breaths came in uneven gasps, tears still streaming down both their faces. JJ pressed her lips to the top of Emily’s head, whispering, “It’s okay… it’s really okay. We’ll figure it out. Together.”
Emily let herself let go completely, arms tightening around JJ as she murmured against her shoulder, “I love you… I love you.”
JJ’s own tears fell freely now, mingling with Emily’s. “I love you too,” she whispered back. “I always have.”
Emily froze for a heartbeat, her body feeling simultaneously weightless and shattering. And then the sound escaped her—a small, ragged sob, followed by a whimper that came straight from her chest. “J-JJ…” she choked out, burying her face deeper into JJ’s shoulder, letting the sound carry the pain, relief, and joy she’d been holding in.
JJ’s arms tightened around her instinctively, rocking her gently. “Shhh… it’s okay,” she murmured into Emily’s hair, her own tears falling freely. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re here with me.”
Emily let herself dissolve into the embrace, her sobs trembling against JJ’s chest. “I’m so sorry… I’m so scared…” she whispered between hiccups.
“I know,” JJ soothed, brushing strands of wet hair from Emily’s tear-streaked face. “I know. And it’s okay to feel scared. You don’t have to hide it from me anymore. Not ever.”
Emily lifted her head slightly, her face pressed against JJ’s shoulder, and let out another soft, tearful whimper as JJ brushed her cheek with a thumb. “I… I love you,” she repeated in a shaky voice, as if saying it aloud might somehow make it real.
JJ leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. “I know, Emily. I hear you. And I love you too. I always have.”
Emily’s sobs softened into quiet hiccups, but the relief in her chest was palpable. For the first time in what felt like forever, she allowed herself to believe it—that they could survive this grief, this love, and this moment together. She clung to JJ, letting her heart feel everything, letting the warmth of her embrace wash away months of fear, guilt, and loneliness.
They stayed like that, arms wrapped around each other, tears mingling, hearts beating in sync, finally letting themselves just be.