Work Text:
“I got you some snacks.”
Mira heard a quiet and perhaps a bit grumpy 'mhm' in response. It wasn’t the first time Zoey had gotten too caught up in writing, but normally it never lasted this long. Her brain was usually loud, and she needed a lot of stimulation, otherwise, she quickly lost interest. Zoey could be writing a line to one song, the chorus to another, and already mentally planning lyrics for the third.
This time was different, however. She sat hunched over the same song, every now and then tapping her pencil nervously on the desk and glancing at her notebook. She lasted in this state the whole week, never satisfied with what she had just written.
For Mira, that week was one of the longest in her life. Most days looked the same. The three of them were coming back from rehearsals, then Mira tried to convince Zoey to spend some time on the couch, but recently the latter refused and locked herself in her room to write. That worried Mira because Zoey never refused to relax with her; this was what they usually expected from Rumi.
In addition, the fact that she felt alone in her worries didn't help. When she mentioned Zoey’s behavior to Rumi, the latter only said things like, "That's the spirit," or "I know, incredible how much this girl keeps in her mind," or the like. She partly agreed with Rumi. Zoey's creativity was truly impressive, but not when she neglected herself because of it. Mira wasn't about to watch Zoey deprive herself of basic needs just to let her write.
Zoey’s bedroom was mostly dark, the only light coming from a desk lamp, which illuminated notebooks lying in disarray in front of the hunched girl. Zoey's bed was made, which was strange. Usually, she didn't want to bother with it, so its intact condition only confirmed Mira's concerns that Zoey wasn't sleeping.
Mira came in and placed the bowl of Tteokbokki snack on Zoey’s desk, next to one of many notebooks. She sat down on the bed and waited for her girlfriend to notice her, if she would at all.
So after fifteen minutes, when Zoey didn't even look at her or the crisps she brought her, Mira got impatient and decided it was time for an intervention. She got off the bed and stood behind Zoey to gently rub her hand in circles on her back.
“If you keep sitting like that, you will have terrible back pain tomorrow,” Mira commented, trying to scold her girlfriend.
Zoey still wasn’t responding, just staring at her notebook, constantly crossing out whatever she had just come up with. It drove Mira crazy at that point. She tried sending her girlfriend an annoyed glare, but it was no use when Zoey wasn’t looking at her.
“Hey! Zoey, snap out of this. I'm talking to you.” Mira put her hands on Zoey’s shoulders from the front and shook her a little.
That seemed to work because the pensive girl blinked rapidly and began to look around the room, ending up making eye contact with Mira.
“Oh, Mira, hi,” Zoey said as if Mira had just walked in.
“Hi? Zoey, I was there for like fifteen minutes.” She frowned in disbelief and a little bit of anger at being ignored.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to get over a writer’s block with this one.” She smiled apologetically and nodded towards her notebook. “It's not going well.”
“You need a break,” Mira stated. Something in her chest tightened when she saw dark circles under her girlfriend's eyes, her anger had already faded away at that point.
“What? No, I'm fine, really.” Zoey gave Mira her typical gentle smile, which was just an attempt to reassure her that everything was okay. She was unsuccessful.
It took one glare from her girlfriend for Zoey to know that Mira wasn’t exactly asking. So she gave in and went to do their bedtime routine.
Both of them began to prepare themselves for sleep monotonously and without much thought. Zoey, as usual, hurried with her procedure so she could admire Mira as she applied cream to her face. When the taller girl caught Zoey's dreamy eyes directed at her, her mind calmed, finally recognizing the girl from before her workaholic phase.
Her peace of mind did not last long, however. When Mira woke up in the middle of the night, she wasn't sure why at first, but she started to feel goosebumps rising on her arms and realised that she felt cold. Mira tried to reach for Zoey, to cuddle and share body heat, but the longer her hand searched, the emptier the bed seemed.
She opened her eyes reluctantly with hope to see her girlfriend tucked on the far edge of the bed. To her surprise, Zoey wasn't there, and Mira noticed that she was cuddling with Zoey’s blanket. She decided to stay in bed in case Zoey just needed to go to the toilet and would be back in a minute, but when she heard the quiet tapping on the desk, she felt worry take over her.
She immediately stormed out of the bed, knowing full well that her girlfriend had ignored her request. When she was getting up, she kicked the blankets off of her so hard that they landed on the floor. Mira didn’t bother to fix them just yet, because she saw Zoey exactly where she didn’t want to. Hunched over a notebook.
“Why aren't you in bed?” Mira asked angrily, making Zoey flinch in fear. The girl was clearly not expecting anyone to interrupt her.
“M’sorry-”
“Zoey, you are doing it again.” Mira knelt by Zoey's chair, taking one of her lover's hands in her own, stroking it soothingly with her fingers. Even though Mira was angry, she tried to understand why her girlfriend was acting this way. “Why?”
Zoey was facing Mira, but avoiding her gaze. Her hands were clenched into fists on her lap, trembling slightly from the effort she was putting into them. Mira felt it beneath her hand and clenched it a little tighter.
“I want to be good enough for you.” It was only a whisper. Zoey swore she could feel her heart ache after saying it; she always felt like that after revealing her fears. She may seem talkative, but nevertheless preferred to keep some parts of herself a secret, especially when it comes to the things she was ashamed of.
“What?”
“I just feel like you and Rumi are working so hard and you are so good at this. I am trying my best and everything just unravels at my feet.” Zoey lowered her head and squeezed her eyes shut, preventing the tears that were welling up in them from escaping.
“애인, you are doing excellent. Everyone loved the last album, remember?” Mira tried to comfort her. She still didn't understand what could have made Zoey think less of herself.
“Yeah, that’s why I need this to be on the same level! But I feel like my head is empty. I put so much into the previous album that I've run out of ideas. What if I burned out? What if I write some shitty songs, and our reputation will be tarnished forever? I’m not good at this, I’m only embarrassing myself.” Zoey’s leg was bouncing as she stammered her worries to Mira, whose heart sank as she listened. Both of her hands stroked the soft skin of Zoey's, partly also for her own comfort.
“The only embarrassing thing is that you say something like that about yourself when we are one of the most popular K-pop groups.” Mira sat up a little and took Zoey's face in her hands, stroking her cheeks. A few tears escaped Zoey’s eyes as she opened them and looked at Mira, who instantly wiped them off with her thumb. “I think you need a vacation to let yourself rest and recharge. I will tell Rumi-”
“No! She will be so mad. The next album is already announced, and you know how much she cares about meeting deadlines.”
“Oh Zoey, I’m sure she won't be mad at you. Rumi is pushing us with all this, but I know she wouldn't force you to do anything you don't have the energy for. In fact, I've talked to her about your nonstop writing, and she's really proud of you for working so hard. She wouldn’t like you to overwork yourself like that, even if she is usually doing this to herself.” Mira pulled Zoey's face towards hers and pressed their foreheads together. She knew this angle would cheer her girlfriend up, and of course, she was right, because Zoey pulled away after a moment with a faint smile, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “You know your vacation could be the perfect opportunity to get her to relax, too.”
“You think so?” Zoey looked at her hopefully.
“I know so,” Mira smirked.
Zoey's red, swollen from crying eyes, stared at Mira, who, without problem, read the look the shorter girl gave her. It was slightly uncertain, with that characteristic sadness and pleading. Mira just waited until Zoey was ready to confide, finding her hand to support her again.
“Every time I show you what I have written, I am scared that you are gonna laugh at me, like people did before. I know my first songs weren't perfect, to be honest, they were pretty cringe. I understand why they were laughing, but it still hurt so much, seeing something you worked so hard on not being good enough.” Zoey's smile faded and she once again avoided looking Mira in the eye. She also started fidgeting with her girlfriend’s fingers. Mira really enjoyed when she did that, she liked to feel needed.
“Hey, it’s okay to have a rough start. You know how… rebellious I was. Back then, I thought I didn't have any gentleness in me. But you taught me it. I feel you are making me a better person, you know.” Mira looked a little embarrassed after admitting it.
“Aww, you are so sweet!” Zoey exclaimed. The confession instantly replaced sadness with excitement and a sense of pride.
“Whatever.” Mira tried to sound cool but failed miserably because she couldn't hide her blush. “Let's go back to bed.”
“Oh no, I am so tired that I can't even walk. Someone needs to carry me.” Zoey answered in a playful voice.
“Mhm, then I'd better call Bobby to do that.”
“No, I meant you.” Zoey groaned, comically dragging out the ‘o’ in ‘No’.
“Oh, I’m just teasing you.” Mira rolled her eyes. She slid one arm under the legs and the other over the back, and just like that, she was carrying Zoey to their soft bed.
“Rude.” Zoey crossed her arms and pretended to be offended.
When she was finally put to bed, she felt the exhaustion creeping up on her. Mira was right after all, she really should have taken better care of herself.
When Mira also climbed into bed, Zoey immediately snuggled into her, unconsciously taking most of the covers for herself. Mira, however, managed to snuggle up close enough to Zoey that she was also covered.
She knew that when they woke up, they would have another serious conversation about her fear of being rejected, and probably other issues, but Zoey wanted nothing less. After all, she had nothing to complain about, other than being loved.