Work Text:
Mission briefings, now that was something that hadn't changed at all for the man. Whether he's Sergeant Barnes, the Winter Soldier or just plain old Bucky, there was always a mission briefing to go to. Even now, as asset turn ...well, still asset just actually for S.H.I.E.L.D. now instead of Hydra, he still had mission briefings.
Everyone sat at the table, each with their own folder holding the same basic information for the mission then added personalize things about their precise role in the mission. His? Back up assassin. Something he was sure that the eye patch man doesn't want the blond Captain to know that he's still doing. But what other reason would the Winter Soldier go on a mission, even if it was just as a back up? He wasn't exactly typical S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent material.
It also caused him to wonder who was suppose to be the main assassin, although he had a feeling that he already knows the answer to the question. His icy blues shifted over to look at the redhead sitting catercorner from him. No one else at the table seemed the type to do such a mission.
“Rogers, mission leader. You know what to do,” the director said in a rather informal way. That too, hasn't changed. Once the Commanding Officer, Handler, really whomever is giving the mission details got comfortable with their agents, formalities went out the window.
“Barnes, you're here to prove your S.H.I.E.L.D. worth.” Translation; You're here to kill people for me now, don't tell your goodie-good best friend. He doesn't like this shit.
“What about Natasha?” Steve asked, drawing everyone's attention to him before going over to the redhead sitting across the table from him.
“I've told you before, Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything. She's going to do what you can't. Or won't, rather.”
“Everything?” James found himself saying. The words came out before he even realized he wanted to question it. Natalia was comfortable with everything? Certainly they didn't mean the kind of everything that he's thinking of. At least, that's what he thought until he saw the look on both her and Nick's faces. Their definition of everything was the exact same. Since when did that become the case?
The briefing carried on without any other interruptions, or explanation to the soldier's silent question.
James didn't know how he was supposed to proof that he's S.H.I.E.L.D. worthy when his role was just to play back up in case Natalia wasn't able to commit the assassination. That he can take orders, as if seventy plus years wasn't enough proof for the great Nick Fury. Which was annoying. It made him feel useless, as he sat around and waited for an order. Which from his understanding now, that would only happen if she somehow became busy with something else. It left too much time to think.
The only thing on his mind were the words that were said earlier. 'Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything.' Since when? Clearly something had changed when the Red Room had put him back on ice. Something happened after their affair had been discovered.
The brunet remembers when pulling the trigger wasn't so easy for Natalia. When the orders to kill women would cause her to frown. When orders to kill children made her want to cry. And orders to kill infants made her vomit. He remembers all of that, so clearly.
It was just the two of them standing in the middle of the room. Two handlers standing by the door that they had came in, another two standing on either side of the man giving them their orders. The soldier was sure there were even more standing outside of the door, if anything were to happen during this mission briefing of theirs.
“{I'll be blunt. This is a test, for the both of you. We are going to see how well your training under the Winter Soldier has gone. If you pass, you two may continue to work together. If you fail, then the punishment would be worse than the last time you had tried to escape us.}” The last threat was for Natalia. The Soldier's punishment would be the same as always, back into the ice. Possibly shipped off to the Germans or just placed in storage. All depends on how big the failure was.
When neither one answered, the briefing went on. It seemed to be the typical assassination mission, kill everyone at the location type. Leave no survivors. It made the young Widow wonder how this will be different than any other that she has ever had before.
The location wasn't some hotel. It wasn't a warehouse or some other abandon building. It was a home. A nice, big home that could easily room everyone in the Red Room thrice over. Definitely wasn't going to be easy with making sure they have gotten every single person, even if they were to bomb the building. But luck was on their side, once they got in. Although the home was large, it wasn't jammed packed. Most of the rooms that the assassins went into were empty.
“This is taking up too much time. Continue on with these lower rooms, I'll get upstairs,” the brunet said. He stood there for a moment, making sure the other understood his English before going through with what he had said. Unlike the other Widow students, the redhead had excelled in learning the language. Although, she wasn't nearly fluent in it yet, she will be if they allowed the two of them to continue to work together like this. Also, if their secret affair continued.
It didn't take the Winter Soldier long to end every life that he had found on the upper part of the building, and seeing as that they had handle a good part of the lower floor together, he assumed that Natalia was also done. But when he went into their meeting spot, she wasn't there, nor did she show up after fifteen minutes of waiting. Something was wrong.
Without a second thought, he went to the part of the home where he hadn't been at yet. So far, everything seemed as he expected it to be. Bodies laid lifeless in the floor, as he walked through their blood staining the carpet. Perhaps she was taking her time and double checking the rooms?
That wasn't the case, he discovered when he finally spotted the redhead in one of the rooms. The last one, the only one that he hadn't been in yet. The one that had stopped her from completing her half of the mission.
A nursery.
“{Winter, am … am I really suppose to kill this baby as well?}” She asked, unconsciously slipping into native tongue instead of speaking in English. Just a sign of truly how disturbed she is by the depth to her orders. Everyone, they were supposed to kill every single person. But this baby was too young to really be consider a person, it's just a baby.
“{Yes,}” he answered in a voice just as cold as his name.
“{What's so wrong with leaving a child behind? Especially so young, I doubt that they would even remember their parents. If they are worried about the kid wanting revenge,}” the young Widow spoke as the tears came to her eyes. Already, she could taste the bile in her mouth as the thought of killing this infant. “{They wouldn't even be able to remember us, it's just a baby.}”
“{Orders are orders, little spider. If not even a child is to be left alive, then we don't leave the baby alive.}” Winter had replied. He wanted to be more comforting towards his lover, but all he could offer was just resting his hand on her shoulder. It was their orders, and they were in no place to question them. Besides, with time, she would become numb to things like killing children.
But when he thought about it, he didn't want her to become numb to these things. She's so full of life, the Red Room handlers just don't get to see it. Only he got to see this side of Natalia, and he knows that if she became numb to all of the killing, then she'll be just like him. Which is exactly what Department X wanted, but he didn't want that. It was bad enough there was one Winter Soldier in the world, there doesn't need to be anymore.
It was that night that he vowed to do all of the those kills himself. He wont allow her to stain her hands with the blood of children, definitely not with the blood of infants. With that vow, he sent her out of the room before killing the baby in the crib.
When they had returned from their mission, the soldier had to hold the widow while she cried into his chest. Although he had been the one to actually take the life, she felt guilt over it and all of the other innocent lives that she had actually taken. She wasn't comfortable with everything that came with the life of an assassin.
Suddenly, a cry through the comms snapped James out of his memories. It wasn't a cry from one of his teammates, but rather an infant.
“What was that?” Steve asked.
“A baby? Who has a baby?” Sam asked a second later.
“You soldiers just do your part of the job, I have spy things to do.” Natasha answered another second later. The location wasn't a home, but that didn't mean anything these days. Parents brought their kids to work all the time, these days.
Despite not getting the order to leave his station, James went looking for the redhead. He would put it past Fury to have children killed as well. After all, he's a director of a government organization that wants the best of their country, just like Department X. Those directors were always the same type of men. They will do anything, no matter the price, to accomplish their goals.
It didn't take long before the Winter Soldier to find what had been the source of the crying. It was indeed a baby, in a playpen as its caretaker laid dead on the floor not too far away. How sick could these people be to actually bring their child to the place where they conduct criminal activity? Slipping right back into the Soviet's old Winter Soldier, he pulled out his gun and aimed it right at the baby's head. Right between the eyes. There would be no pain, no realization of anything. Quick, easy and painless.
“No, milii moi,” the Widow said as she grabbed a hold of the barrel of the gun. “No.” Her emerald eyes were searching his own, making sure that he was still himself.
“N-no?” The man questioned as he looked down at her.
“I know what you must be thinking, what you must have thought, but no. S.H.I.E.L.D., it is different. We don't kill children,” she told him softly. It was going to be hard to wrap his head around, she knows that it had been hard for her when she first started with them. “You don't have to keep that promise anymore. It's not needed now.”
They don't kill infants. They don't kill babies. They don't kill children. They don't kill innocent bystanders. S.H.I.E.L.D. was better than Department X, which only made James feel worse. He was too tainted, even for a secret government organization. But he wasn't going to focus on that. But rather on that fact, his definition of everything and their definition of everything are actually different.
“Oh god,” the man muttered before dropping his head to her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her waist.
A bittersweet smile came to the Russian's lips as she just held onto him, running her fingers through his hair. There was an unspoken understanding going on between them right now, one that made her hold him closer to him and swear to never tell a soul. If anyone else were to know this fact about him, he would be lock away forever.
He wasn't comfortable with leaving the child alive.