Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Computer? How long have I been up here, exactly?” The human sighed, pressing his aching head against the cold steel of his ship. The discarded screwdriver clacked onto the floor below him, the opened panel swinging to bang uselessly against the frame. He still had a good portion of the ship’s electronics to test and repair, but he needed a mental break, just for a second. His stomach rolled in anticipation of the answer, unwilling to listen even as his ears strained to catch the words.

“5 years, 6 months, and 5 Earth days.” Computer’s monotone voice informed him readily, reading it off as if he’d simply asked for a weather report. Not that I can get weather up here. I never thought I'd miss rain so much.

“Thanks, Computer…” He trailed off, letting the rest of his body fall against the wall. The regimented diet and exercise routine was doing very little to stave off the effects of long-term space travel, his muscles fading by the day and every step seemed to aggravate his weakening hips and spine. The specialized pressure trousers were fighting a losing battle with the fluid retention, and his circadian rhythm was atomised years ago. 

“I-I-” He began, only to give up as the echo of his own stutter sang back to him. He was alone. He couldn’t recall the last conversation he’d even had with a human. I suppose it must have been Cosmo? Or Houston?

“May I suggest something, Astrodude?” Computer’s voice sounded again, breaking the silence as the screen swung down into his view. The human could only stare at her, hands grasping his head in some attempt to keep the mounting migraine at bay. “Maybe we could seek out some company for you? Human beings need regular socialization to be healthy!”

“No, Computer. We’re too far from Earth to call anyone, and we need to find Cosmo’s ship.” He wished he could just turn around and dash back to his planet, to his wife and son, and never need to drink another pouch of ‘food’ again. But, he needed to find that cosmonaut and get SiBO back, before his boss found out or Cosmo infected Earth’s ecosystem with the Titanian life form. 

“I was not suggesting a return to Earth. What about the other beings you talk to out here?” Computer reminded him pointedly, but he wasn’t following her line of logic.

“You mean SiBO? Computer, they’ve been kidnapped by Cosmo, I can’t talk to them.”

“I did not mean the Titanian life form.” Computer’s screen flickered from the green line to a diagram of the Solar System. “We are still near Saturn’s orbit. You could talk to the planet or its moons?”

“Are you crazy?” He exclaimed, slapping a hand on his knee as he forced himself to his feet to pace the confined space. “Last time I spoke to Saturn, he ran off in a panic! And Titan- I don’t even know what I’d say to him. I’ve lost his little life form, and I’m still kinda pissed about how I even got it!”

“Very well, what of the Uranian system? You have not spoken much to them, yet.” Computer flashed an image of Uranus onto the screen, a helpful arrow pointed to the pale ice giant. “Or maybe further? We could be the second ever spacecraft to investigate Neptune.”

“I don’t think Houston will see the amount of time and fuel that would be wasted as worth it. Anyway, we can’t go running around after ice giants. We need to find Cosmo’s ship.” He dismissed, picking up a stray screw from the steel floor. Well, I hope that wasn’t from something important.

“Astrodude. We have been trying to find that ship for almost two years now. I do not believe it is likely we will find it with our current trajectory.” Computer’s dull, static voice pricked at his headache and threatened to fan it into something worse. His whole body felt beyond exhausted, like something had squeezed him dry of energy, leaving him a husk floating in space.

“Thanks, Computer. That really helps.” The human muttered, fiddling with the screw and trying to remember where he last saw the pain medication. It can’t be under the seat, I distinctly remember hiding the tool kit there instead. Ugh, or maybe it was the other way around?

“You are very welcome, Astrodude.”

“Computer, you know that’s not my-” He cut himself off, alarmed by a sudden loud beeping, stepping closer to the cockpit to see the readings on the dashboard. “Computer, what’s the ship detecting?”

“I am not sure, Astrodude.” Computer’s screen staticed, the familiar green line stuttering as the ship whined around them. “It is detecting a sudden increase in our speed and a distortion of our trajectory. I am also sensing a background radiation increase.”

“Radiation?” He questioned in panic, trying to see out of the spyhole of the ship. Nothing. The dark of space was as thick as ever, unbroken in all directions, save the distant light of the Sun and other stars. “Computer! What can we do?”

“I am unsure. We do not appear to be heading towards anything at all, so we do not have anything to flee.” Computer reasoned, her voice far calmer than the human was feeling at that statement. “I will try to work out the situation.”

“Yes, please, Computer.” He gasped out, sitting down heavily in his chair. The shaking in his limbs was getting progressively worse and the growing panic was sky-rocketting. Grasping at his chair’s armrests, he tried to breath as steadily as possible. What is wrong with me now?

The constant ringing of the alarm was driving his migraine into a blinding stabbing, the red-flashing lights that had decided to accompany it only maximising his suffering. The man resisted the urge to curl up, still trying to force a calm onto himself. It wasn’t working, and his body felt more distant by the second. Am I dying?

“Astrodude? Are you alright?” Computer popped down in front of his blurring vision, tilting at his shaking form. “You appear to be experiencing some form of medical issue. Can you list your symptoms?

Not really! He shouted internally, hoping his lack of an answer wouldn’t worry his companion. Now I know I’ve gone insane, wondering if the AI will worry about me. She’ll probably just pilot this ship herself once I’m dead, no issues at all. Why’d they even send a guy up here, when they have robots? Oh, wait, the robots went rogue, didn’t they?

As he argued with himself, he vaguely felt his body slipping off the metal chair, the dulled pain of the landing doing little to draw his mind back to his physical form. His sight was gone, replaced by fuzzy grey swirls and dots, like dust trapped in sunlight. He was vaguely reminded of a childhood memory, when he’d gazed upon a dance of similar specks above his head in a dusty, low-lit school room. The memory was simple, but warming, like he was being shown his first experience of wonder. I was so little then. I can’t have been more than six years old. 

He didn’t remember why the dust had captured his attention so surely as to endure all these years in his mind, but the awe was familiar. Awe in the oddest of phenomena had driven so much of his life, from dust to stardust. His awe had driven him to look up and out from his planet’s surface, to the heavens above. The Moon had hung over his head his whole life, but it never failed to draw his eye and set his heart racing. He’d wanted to know more about it so badly, badly enough to dedicate his one life to it. And here I am, livin’ the dream…

And even when he’d learnt more about the satellite; that it was responsible for so many of his planet’s most important characteristics, that it was made of rocks so similar yet different from its sibling planet, that its very origin was still a debated mystery, he could be nothing but enthralled. To be able to look into the average night sky and see an object so intimately familiar to his species, yet still know it held unknowns within its crust. What else could he be but an astronaut?

I still love this job. He tried to tell himself. Sure, his boss was cruel and probably breaking an uncountable number of human-rights laws, he missed his family like a hole in his chest, his ship was slowly wearing down, and his missions always seemed to end in failures…but he was in space!  The final frontier, the vast void, the unsearched wilderness of the Universe! Maybe my bones are disintegrating, but I can’t say the experience wasn’t worth it. Even if I went a bit mad in the process.

His reminiscing was rudely interrupted by reality shoving itself back into his body, shocking his numb limbs back into activity. The pain that radiated from his chest did nothing to reduce his fears of a heart attack, and the now universal muscle spasms turned the worry dial up to seizure. If he still had any other senses left other than pain, they were taking their sweet time to wake up.

A pressure fell upon his back, increasing slowly until he began to sympathize with ants under boots. While it hurt, the weight was bringing his awareness back gradually, the touch of a warm, almost gentle oversized hand fading in first. 

Hearing came next, the buzzing slowly forming into actual words and vaguely understandable sentences. One voice rose above the others, seemingly warning the rest away, while another was trying to speak to him softly.

“-Astrodude? -ou alright?” The hand moved, nudging his face this time. The air smelt of fireworks, oddly, and the human was half tempted to just slip back into the memories the scent invoked. I wonder if Junior liked the fireworks this year? He loved them when I last took him, that smile could’ve powered me all the way to the moon right there and then.

“Ugh…” He fought to work his mouth, trying to regain the use of his own body. The pain was fading, thankfully, but the ache remained. His sight was a no-go, and nothing he tried seemed to motivate his legs enough to do more than twitch. 

“Astrodude? Can you hear me?” The voice was clearer now, tinny and croaky, but strangely familiar. “Guys, I think he can hear us. Maybe quiet down a bit?”

“Why’s he writhing around on the ground so much?” A higher pitched voice squeaked, getting closer as he listened. “We didn’t do that! And he’s nearly our size now!”

“Ah, well, I had not anticipated the differences involved in transporting a fleshy life form as opposed to a celestial. The side effects do not look permanent, at least.” The new voice held no familiarity, only the distinct feeling that he was being mocked as someone dunked his head under cold water. 

“Not permanent! He’s not even wearing his skin!” Someone pointed out, momentarily sending him into a new panic attack. What?

“Don’t be stupid, Venus. He’s just in different clothes. You’ve just never seen him outside that spacesuit.” That voice was recognisable too, his mind latching onto it with a surprising degree of emotion. His eyes gave it another go, blinking against the low light filling them. 

“Astrodude?” The first voice spoke again, and the warm hand retreated as the human gazed at the beings around him. At first his mind couldn’t comprehend what they even were, the size and shape contrasting harshly in his mind. The one closest to him was grey, splotched and varied in shades, but the face was humanoid, the body following in a similar vein. “Are you OK? Do you know who I am?”

His mind began to connect the voice to his memories, the strange skin beginning to make more sense in the new context of his first theory. “...the Moon?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” The Moon offered him an uncertain smile before adding, “But, please call me Luna. There’s a lot of moons here at the moment, things might get confusing.”

“Luna?” He repeated faintly, trying to shake the blurring from his vision long enough to see the rest of the gathered beings. The room was wide, dark with small pinpricks of light stuck to the walls and ceiling. A series of plush, round bean bags were arranged into two rows, a scattering of fuzzy coloured blobs already sat on them. But, the scale didn’t make sense, the seats appeared over twice his height.

Standing nearby, blocking his view of most of the room, was a larger humanoid with a painfully recognizable surface, the scent of ozone hitting his nose. His eyes were instantly fixed onto the familiar greens and blues of his home planet. The being gazed down at him, the odd-coloured eyes almost hypnotizing. Now, more than ever, he wanted to just go home, back to the habitable world of every human before him, where his loved ones resided. I’m so asking Houston for a holiday. Or retirement. I can’t even remember if that’s in my contract.

“Yep! How do you feel, little guy?” Luna, still sitting close to him, peered at him with concern. “That was a rough entrance. I don’t know much about human health, but the shaking looked painful.”

“Um, a bit like I’ve been deep fried.” He hesitantly admitted, trying to pull himself up with quivering arms. Luna reached out to help, offering his own arm to use as something solid to drag himself up with. “W-What is even…?”

“Oh! I suppose we should explain.” Luna hummed, turning an unreadable look to his planet. “Do you want to do it? I’m not very good at speaking to Earthlings.”

“You’re doing fine, but okay.” Earth’s smile was uncertain as he turned from his moon to the human. “Hi, Astrodude! You’ve just been kidnapped by a celestial being who clearly doesn’t know enough about Earthling biology to handle you correctly.”

“Again?” He sighed, not sure how he was supposed to react to such a ridiculous yet plausible situation for the human to find himself in. Ever since I entered space, it's been nothing but wild situations that defy all logic. “Can I get back to my spaceship? I’m actually kind of busy.”

“Really? You were merely floating around and moping when I extracted you.” The mocking voice was back, and he swung his head around to see a screen covered by a grey circle. As he watched, three eyes blinked open and gazed at him, fanned by thin, feather-like fronds. “Unless that is ‘busy’ by Earthling standards, you were by all accounts very bored.”

“I-I was just taking a breather. I have a mission.” He reiterated, not in the mood to get mixed up in some mess with the talking planets. He’d just been coming around to the idea that they were actually real, but now a part of him offered the disturbing idea that he’d finally gone completely bonkers in that long journey and stepped up the hallucinations. Computer was right, I should’ve socialized more often. 

“Oh well. It doesn’t matter.” The being’s eyes bent as it peered down at him, echoing the shape of smiles but having quite the opposite effect. “Earthling. I have summoned you here for a very important mission of my own.”

“What?” He wasn’t sure if he meant that as a follow up question or a simple reaction to this situation as a whole. Beside him, Luna moved to stand, bringing the human along as his arm-rest rose. On his feet, he was surprised to find the moon was only a few feet taller than him, large enough to pick him off the ground, but nowhere near the sheer scale he was used to. 

“Indeed. A very important mission.” The human forced himself to turn away from the creepy eyes, his barely-regained balance threatened by the disturbing sight. “I have found a lovely little collection of Earthling songs for you all to listen to! And, to help our understanding, I found your little Earthling friend.”

“Songs?” Earth frowned, stepping forward to aid Luna in dragging the human towards the nearest vacant bean bag. He tried to resist, not ready to just settle down and accept this wild scenario at face-value. 

“Wait! Am I just here to… what? Interpret songs? Why do you need a human here?” He fought not to look the being in the ‘eyes’, aiming his gaze just past it to the wall beside the screen. “I really can’t waste time here. I need to go back!”

“Oh, oh, oh, don’t worry about ‘time’, I’m dealing with that. You will not miss anything.” The grey creature assured him, the voice rising oddly out of sync with the words. “And yes! You are here to help our understanding. You Earthlings are very strange compared to celestials, you see.” 

“Celestials?” He echoed, unfamiliar with what that was referring to. “Is that what you are?”

“It is what we all are.” Another voice joined in, deeper and far more calming to listen to. Turning, the human was dismayed to see a truly massive humanoid was leaning over him, the swirling colours and bright eyes almost swallowing him whole. Jupiter. I would recognise those colours anywhere. “Every consciousness of non-biological origin in the Universe is a celestial. Stars, planets, and moons. We use it as a general term for ourselves.”

“Oh.” The human wasn’t sure why this was throwing him off more than the last few minutes of madness. It had never really occurred to him to ask how these talking impossibilities referred to themselves, let alone if the phenomenon was Universe-wide. “Wait, is the whole Solar System here? Why?”

“Yep! Even the dwarf planets and X.” Earth nodded, indicating to the back of the room. An angry, dark shape was glaring from the corner, only the eyes visible against the black walls. He wasn’t super sure who ‘X’ was, but decided not to question it. The human also saw a few other smaller beings huddled nearer the middle, gathered on a bean bag beside another, more familiar blue planet. As he stared, he began to link surfaces to those faint images from the Voyager and New Horizons probes. 

“As for why, we do not really know.” Jupiter admitted with a slight frown. “It has become something of a tradition at this point, and it is a good break for the more distant celestials. But, we do not know why Archer started abducting us.”

“Ah…okay.” He still felt a bit faint, and now he was far too confused and overloaded with information to even argue any more. The human let himself be led to the bean bag by his planet and moon, settling beside them on the soft surface. He felt a bit like a kid again, sitting on the arm of his father's favourite chair while they watched TV. 

“ARE WE GETTING ON WITH THIS YET?” The shout nearly shocked him off the seat, his head snapping around to peer down the line of watching humanoids. A few seats away sat a being even larger than Jupiter, so bright it was almost painful to gaze upon it. Golden eyes shone between locks of shimmering, liquid fire, falling like hair over the individual’s head. The skin of this ‘celestial’ warped and bubbled, as if it was being boiled. The Sun. Our star.

“Patience, patience, patience. I will leave you to the songs in just a second.” The voice, ‘Archer?’ tutted, turning its gaze to the star. “These songs are not unconnected, they are arranged into ‘sagas’, and since we have no visuals to look at this time, I will put up an image for each ‘saga’.”

The screen faded from the mysterious being, now replaced by a painting of a huge, wooden horse, licked by flames. The background was dark, but he could make out the faint lines of a wall and the shine of water at the feet of the horse. The fire seemed to be almost mixed with the water, giving the whole picture an almost ominous feel. Text at the bottom read ‘The Troy Saga’.

“Troy?” One of the smaller celestials, nearer Luna’s size, read the word aloud. The surface was grey, marked by craters like many of the other beings, but the human was pretty sure he could guess who it was. “What’s a ‘Troy’?”

“Well, Troy was a city back in the Bronze age. I’m not sure why we’d be listening to songs about it, though.” Earth replied to Mercury, titling his head at the screen curiously. “It’s kind of famous for a story one of the humans wrote about it, but that’s all I can think it might be about.”

“What story is that? I may have heard of it.” Jupiter asked, surprising the human with his curiosity on the matter. Earth nodded enthusiastically as he replied. 

“You probably have! The Iliad is pretty famous.” 

“So, this is about that?” Luna asked, shuffling slightly to give the human a bit more space. “The Iliad?”

“Maybe?” Earth frowned, unsure, and the man couldn’t help but add his own thoughts to the discussion. He could see a glaring issue with this theory, and the urge to correct it was strong. I guess this is why I’m here, to be a human encyclopaedia.

“I don’t think so. If this is the start of a story, the Iliad wouldn’t start in Troy. There’s quite a lot of setup before that bit.” He remarked, surprised that his voice was loud enough to match the towering celestials around him. That’ll make this easier, I suppose.

“What’s your guess, then?” Another being asked, the red surface a stinging reminder of his original, actual purpose of this mad mission into space. Mars was leaning over to stare at him, like he was a curious pet his friends had acquired. The human really hoped Mars wasn’t still mad about that attempted terraforming.

“Um, I wouldn’t want to guess…” He backed away nervously, trying to read the oddly intense stare from the red planet. His feet nearly slipped him off the edge of the bean bag, but Luna pushed him back up and added a hesitant head-pat that was probably supposed to be reassuring rather than condescending. Mars seemed to realise he was scaring the man, backing away to a safer distance.

“Well, if we all SHUT UP, we might find out more.” The Sun hissed, turning his burning eyes towards the rocky worlds. The human ducked in fear, but the rest of the celestials just nodded apologetically.

“Sorry, Sun.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘THE HORSE AND THE INFANT’.

“Wait, this is really all we get to look at? This weird structure on fire?” Mars questioned as a few seconds of electric guitar played before pausing. “What does it even mean?”

“I think the statue thing is supposed to be the horse.” Luna tilted his head at the screen with squinted eyes. “It’s made out of wood, though. Horses aren’t usually made of wood.”

“Well, that narrows it down.” The human mumbled, trying to think of an easy way to explain what the Trojan horse was. So many things probably wouldn’t make any sense to beings who knew very little of Earthling life. “It’s basically a battle strategy, the Greeks used it at the end of the Iliad. They built a fake, massive horse statue and hid in it to be let into the city.”

“Why did Troy let in a horse statue but not the Greeks?” Saturn, and those swirling colours and wide rings could only be the ringed gas giant, asked with a confused frown.

“Um, oh…” This is going to be harder than I thought. He tried to narrow in on what Saturn actually needed to understand about the basics of the situation. “They hated the Greeks, and the Greeks hated them. But the horse was a symbol of one of their gods, and they believed that the Greeks had given it as a gift when they left. It would have been disrespectful to Poseidon if they left it outside.”

“Welllll, if you say so, little guy!” One of the planets nearer the back, a deep blue colour, grinned down at him before blinking at the horse on the screen. “It is a very pretty statue, I guess I would be a bit upset if someone left it outside.”

“Mate, they’ve clearly set it on fire.” A paler ice giant waved his hand at the picture with exasperation, only to receive a confused stare. “That’s not really a respectful way to treat it.”

“Yeah! But it’s not outside getting lonely anymore!” Neptune grinned widely, his attention still held by the horse. The music had clearly gotten impatient, as it started up again as soon as a beat of silence passed.

[ODYSSEUS]

Alright my brothers listen closely

Tonight we make the Trojans pay

“Pay? What do they owe them?” A large moon, sitting just in front of Jupiter, asked, frowning at the first few lines. “Who is even speaking? Who are his ‘brothers’?”

“This is going to be more exhausting than the last one. I don’t wanna explain the whole Trojan war!” Earth grumbled to his moon, but Luna only smiled and pointed at the Earthling beside them.

“We have an Earthling this time, though?” His head shot up to look at the moon, hoping he didn’t look too dismayed by the words. I guess I really am here to spew my vague recollections of Greek Epics. I wish I’d paid more attention in those lectures.

“Um, yeah, okay…” He struggled to even remember all of Ganymede’s questions, let alone answer them. “Like I said, the Greeks hate the Trojans, so they want to fight them. That’s the ‘pay’ part. The speaker could be a few different options, but I imagine his ‘brothers’ are the other Greek heroes in the horse with him.”

“So…they’re in a horse statue, waiting to sneak into Troy and attack them?” Another Galilean moon, paler and smaller, followed up with a mocking tone of dismissal. “Sounds silly. Why do we have to listen to this?”

“C-come on, E-Europa! T-this might b-be f-fun!” A third moon added, and the human was pretty sure he could guess who that one was from the volcanic, yellow surface. Io grinned at the screen excitedly. “I-I wanna h-hear the E-earthling s-sing! L-Luna told m-me they a-are very g-good at i-it!”

“Ugh.”

Ten years of war they killed us slowly

But now we'll be the ones who slay

“Ten? That’s quite long for Earthlings, isn’t it?” A Uranian moon, the largest one sitting beside their planet, worried her lip at the lyrics. “And now they’re tricking them and fighting even more?”

“Earthlings sure do like killing. He sounds very happy about ‘slaying’.” The pale ice giant muttered lowly, casting a small glare at the confused human. “Why’d they stick at it for so long, if they were getting killed for ten years?”

“It was a war, they had a goal and couldn’t leave until it was done.” He tried not to feel too unnerved by the ice giant, straightening his back to reply. “And, the gods were getting very involved in it and messing with them. It made everything a lot more drawn out and complicated.”

“Hm. Sounds very human, blaming it on the gods.” The tone was pointed, but the Earthling struggled to understand where this planet’s animosity was coming from. This wasn’t helped by the fact that half the room seemed to be happy enough to ignore or nod at his statement. What the hell did I do? I’ve barely met Uranus!

“Luna? Why is Uranus so…you’know?” He whispered as quietly as he could to the moon, trying not to further insult the room with his obliviousness. Luna gave him a thoughtful look before whispering back. 

“Don’t mind them. It just- the last video we watched kinda ended on a bit about climate change, and all that stuff you humans are doing to my planet." Luna’s tone faded from friendly to a more controlled note, as if he was carefully holding back his own opinion on the matter. “I-I know it’s not your fault, and so does Caelus, probably. But, they are still a little tetchy about it, I think.”

“Caelus?” He repeated, confused by the sudden new name. Luna shook his head subtly, lowering his voice further. 

“Uranus’ new name.” The moon explained, then offered the nervous human a softer smile. “Don’t worry, he’ll calm down soon. Everyone will.” 

The human wasn’t sure he could hope for that. If they'd recently seen what his species was doing to one of their own, he could understand the animosity at least, but he could hardly expect to change their minds about it. He’d likely be right there with them, if he had the luxury of being so detected from it, but he lived on the planet, for most of his life at least, and he knew just how complicated the situation was. I’m probably not the guy to start espousing about the ‘good’ humans, my carbon foot print isn’t exactly small, given the amount of times I’ve had to take off from the planet. And I’ve not exactly been recycling up here.

Think of your wives and your children

Your families wonder where you've been

They're growing old and yet you're still here

Do what I say and you'll see them again

[SOLDIERS]

Yes sir!

“They left their families for ten years?” Mercury’s voice piped up from his bean bag, counting silently on his fingers before adding, “That’s like, 40 of my orbits! Why’d it take so long?”

“They were trying to get someone back from the Trojans, the wife of one of their friends.” Earth recalled with a thoughtful frown. “I’m pretty sure it all got started because the gods were having an argument and somehow that devolved into someone stealing Helen. And, because neither side was really winning or losing, it got stretched out. It happens quite a lot with human conflicts, actually. Some wars can be over 500 years long, but that tends to not be constant fighting.”

“Well, if I was being kept from my family because of such a silly conflict, I’d just leave.” Mars huffed, rolling his eyes at the idea. “Why didn’t they leave? Was it really just a favour for their friend?”

“Kinda? The Greeks put a lot of value on keeping your word, and many of the heroes who joined the war had previously promised to protect the marriage of Menelaus and Helen. They were duty bound to fight.” The human added, remembering the emphasis his old lecturer had put on the cultural differences that popped up when reading old stories. “It’s actually kind of funny, ‘cause one of the heroes really, really didn’t want to fight, so he tried to act mad and get out of it. And another one dressed up as a woman to avoid the war party when they came to get him. It didn’t work, obviously.”

“Can’t blame the guys for trying, I suppose.” Mercury smiled at the anecdote, raising some of his hopes that the planets wouldn’t be too annoyed by his inclusion. 

[ODYSSEUS]

Diomedes will lead the charge

Agamemnon will flank the guards

“Who are they?” A small voice squeaked, standing up from Jupiter’s bean bag to stare at the Earthling. The celestial was mostly grey, so he had little chance of guessing the name. I have a 1/91 chance of being right. Not great odds.

“Diomedes is one of the heroes, usually one of the smart ones.” He tried to recall more facts about the guy, but his memory was clearly not stellar with this topic. The second name was easier. “Agamemnon was Menelaus’ brother, and the leader of the Greek army. He wasn’t super great at keeping everyone happy, but he was a good military leader. Though, he’s more well known for sacrificing his daughter and getting killed by his wife.”

“Not really something you want to be remembered for.” Luna muttered with a grimace. “I forgot how messy all these Greek myths always are.”

“Might make this interesting, at least.” Earth laughed beside him, tilting his head to hear the next part.

Menelaus will let our mates through the gates to takе the whole city at large

Tеucer will shoot any ambush attack

“Oh! I recognize that name!” Neptune cheered happily, turning a grin to the image still plastered onto the screen like he expected it to change.

“Astrodude did say it a minute ago.” Triton pointed out, absentmindedly fiddling with his sunglasses. The human couldn’t help but question why such a distant moon would need sunglasses at all. Or where he even got them from. Then again, one of the dwarf planets seems to have glasses as well. Maybe they have opticians in space?

“What about the other guy? Is he important?” One of the smaller Neptunian moons asked, “Why is he shooting people?"

“It’s a war, Thalassa, they’ve gotta attack people, and shooting is probably a way to do it.” A slightly larger moon countered, shoving over to sit further forward, near the edge of the seat.

“Oh. I hope it doesn’t hurt them too much.” Thalassa mumbled, but her fellow moon dispelled that naivety rather quickly. 

“It definitely hurts. Really bad.”

“Nereid. Stop scaring her.” Triton turned a stern look to the moon, who offered a sheepish grin in reply.

And Little Ajax will stay back

“Damn, what’d he do to get told that?” Venus laughed, adding with a more mocking tone, “And what’d he do to get that name?”

“He was just the second Ajax they had in the army, and the younger one.” Earth rolled his eyes, then sobered a bit as he recalled the rest of Ajax the Lesser’s story. “He was a pretty good warrior, but he pissed off one of the gods by hurting someone in her temple, so he got killed pretty soon after the war.”

“How? Are the gods just going around killing people in these stories? That’s kind of messed up.” Mars questioned, pondering the idea. The Earthling was surprised to find he actually remembered the fate of Ajax, though only because it had seemed very stupid and fitting when he’d read it.

“Well, it was a team-up between Athena, the goddess he offended, and Poseidon." He recalled, “She blasted his ship with lightning, and then when he crawled onto a rock and mocked the gods, Poseidon got offended and smashed the rock to let him drown.”

“Okay, Luna was right, these myths are messed up.” Caelus muttered into the quiet room, nudging his fellow ice giant. “But, sounds like he had it coming, mocking gods after just getting blown up by one.”

“It’s still not nice to drown people.” Neptune mumbled, then grinned at his friend. “But! I’m pretty sure these are not real things that happened!”

“Yeah, definitely not.” Earth nodded, adding, “Well, the actions of the gods might have been natural happenings, but there weren’t real beings in charge of those things.”

Nestor, secure Helen and protect her

Neo, avenge your father, kill the brothers of Hector!

[SOLDIERS]

Yes sir!

“Oh yeah, they’re trying to save Helen, aren’t they?” Saturn asked rhetorically. “I hope they succeed, then. I can’t imagine she wanted to be stolen.”

“Likely not.” Jupiter agreed readily, “Whoever our singer is, they sound like a good leader for this group, at least. Giving them clear orders and goals.”

“The soldiers seem to respect him. Good for him.” The Sun mused, turning his gaze to the ceiling and avoiding Jupiter’s sudden head-turn to eye the star.

[ODYSSEUS]

Find that inner strength now

Use that well of pride

“For such tiny little guys, you Earthlings are awfully confident.” Venus’ intense gaze fell on the human, causing him to involuntarily move away slightly. Over his head, Earth glared back to Venus.

“Stop trying to scare him, Venus. You did enough damage when he landed on you.”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault!” Venus hissed, then frowned. “Or was it? I can’t remember why you even wanted to land on my surface.”

“I didn’t. YOU rammed into me.” The human shivered as he recalled that whole mess. It had been nice to speak with his wife, but the situation was not one he ever wanted to experience again. And Houston started to show his true colours, leaving me to die like an inconvenience.

“Ahh. Well, um, sorry?” Venus sounded uncertain, and the human was equally as uncertain about the truthfulness of his apology. He didn't want to antagonise the planet, but his experiences on that surface still played a staring role in his worst dreams.

Fight through every pain now

Ask yourself inside

What do you live for?

What do you try for?

What do you wish for?

What do you fight for?

[SOLDIERS]

What do you live for?

What do you try for?

What do you wish for?

What do you fight for?

“Pretty intense rallying cry.” Titan muttered as he listened, “Though, I do like the pattern. The repeating words are getting stuck in my head.”

“Yeah, music will do that.” Earth grinned excitedly, “The humans are very good at music, they’ve invented so many instruments just for making music. It’s basically another form of communication for them.”

“Oh? And they tell stories with it, like this one?” Another moon near Titan asked, her pale surface glowing in the low light. Given her size, he suspected she was Rhea, the second largest Saturnian moon.

“Yep! We’re probably listening to a musical or something, just without the visuals.” Earth confirmed with another look towards the screen. “Though, it would be nice to see some visuals.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Penelope...

Penelope...

And Telemachus

“Oh! Now I know who the singer is!” He blurted out, excited to finally have a confirmation of his suspicions about this whole thing. “Odysseus! The story is the Odyssey!”

“What, the one about the really unnecessarily long journey?” Mars let out a sigh, leaning back in his bean bag. “We’re going to be here forever. ”

“No, it’s a good story.” The Earthling insisted, happy that this was a story he felt familiar with. I need to remember to read it to Junior when I get back, now that he’s a bit older.

“Real ironic to be named Odysseus and then get sent on an odyssey.” Venus muttered with a smirk.

“Odyssey only means that because he went on the long journey, it was named after him, not the other way around.” Earth pointed out with a tone of exasperation, but the cloudy planet only grinned wider.

“Damn, the journey is long enough to be named after the guy that did it?” Mars’ sigh was deeper and far more drawn out this time. “We really are going to be here forever!”

I fight for us, I fight for us

What do you live for? Penelope

What do you try for? Telemachus

What do you wish for? I'm on my way

What do you fight for? Attack!

“So…who are Penelope and Telemachus?” Saturn asked softly, his gaze falling over a few of his moons with a strained expression. “I-I swear I’ve heard those names before. I-I didn’t forget a moon’s name again, did I?”

“Don’t worry, Saturn.” One of the moons spoke up, his voice bright as he smiled reassuringly at his planet. “You’re probably remembering one of my ‘fun facts’! My biggest crater is called Odysseus, so the Earthlings also divided my surface into names from this story! Penelope and Telemachus are some of the names!”

“Oh! Oh, that’s relieving to know.” Saturn breathed, then looked guilty again. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t remember your fun fact, Tethys. I’ll try to remember it from now on.”

“It’s not that important-”

“Nope! It’s a fact about my own moon, I need to remember it.” Saturn cut Tethys off, insisting on the point while the little moon just shrugged.

-Pained noise-

Who was that?

-Thunder, eagle scree-

“Who was that?” The Sun repeated the question, “I don’t recognize that call. Do you, Earth?”

“Um, probably an eagle of some kind?” The living planet speculated. The human thought it had sounded a lot like a stereotypical eagle noise, even if those sounds didn't always come from the featured bird. Probably a hawk or eagle then, but I’m not an ornithologist.

“That, and the thunder, makes me think of Zeus.” He speculated aloud, glancing at the planet in question warily. At least so far, Jupiter acted very differently from his classical myth counterpart, thankfully. “He was the god of storms, and eagles were a sacred animal of his.”

“What did Zeus do, then? Odysseus sounded like he got hurt.” Saturn was also looking at Jupiter, but the larger planet mostly seemed intrigued by the possible inclusion of his namesake.

“I’m not sure, my friend. I imagine the song may tell us more.”

[ZEUS]

A vision of what is to come, cannot be outrun, can only be dealt with right here and now

[ODYSSEUS]

Tell me how

“A vision? Like, seeing the future?” Caelus asked doubtfully, “The gods could do that?”

“The Greeks believed the gods could do basically anything, but seeing the future was a common trope in the stories. Gods would often warn mortals about things they needed to avoid.” The human speculated as he explained. “I guess that’s what Zeus is doing here, telling Odysseus about something he might be able to change.”

“Will it work? Do the gods’ warnings help the heroes in the stories?” One of the Uranian moons asked, his voice timid but hopeful. The human internally grimaced, not sure how much of the truth he should say.

“Sometimes. It definitely helps sometimes.” He settled on, relieved to see the celestial nod and smile at his answer. This is great practice for when Junior starts asking awkward questions.

[ZEUS]

I don't think you're ready

A mission to kill someone's son, a foe who won't run, unlike anyone you have faced before

“Sounds dangerous. Is he facing a fierce warrior or something?” The Sun mused, absentmindedly tucking his hair from his face. “Though, I do not see the relevance of the opponent's father. Why specify that he is someone’s son?”

“I’m not sure, Sun.” Earth frowned in thought as well, trying to work out the meaning of the wording. “Humans put a lot of emphasis on fathers, though, especially back then. Maybe his father is important?”

“Still, a bit of an annoyingly vague way to phrase it.” The star huffed, his eyes seeking out the living world across the room.

“Most prophecies are like that, to be fair.” The human mumbled to himself, trying to remember what part of the Iliad or Odyssey this was referring to. I don’t remember Odysseus fighting anyone particularly notable.

[ODYSSEUS]

Say no more, I know that I'm ready

[ZEUS]

I don't think you're ready

“Why wouldn’t he be ready? He sounds pretty prepared for a fight.” Mars questioned, tapping a foot against the floor. “I want to see this guy fight. He sounds very over-confident.”

“That’s certainly one word for it.” Jupiter’s brow wrinkled as he considered the song so far. “Odysseus may be running into a situation he is unprepared for, going by the god’s doubt.”

“It would be kind of a bummer to start a story with the main character getting his ass kicked.” Mars laughed at the idea, “Funny though.”

The music softened suddenly, turning the tone in an unexpected direction. The human tensed, a horrible suspicion rising in his mind.

[ODYSSEUS]

It's just an infant, it's just a boy, what sort of imminent threat does he pose that I can not avoid?

“It’s a baby?” Luna muttered in shocked dismay, turning to Earth.” That’s what ‘infant’ means, isn’t it?” 

“Yes. Probably only a few months old.” The living world’s face had fallen into a stiff expression, his voice growing softer. “I-I’m not sure why he’d need to kill a baby. Infant humans can barely move, let alone hurt anyone.”

“He’s going to kill it?” The worried voices of a few smaller moons echoed the question, whispering amongst themselves in fear. 

“Is he evil?” One voice rose above the rest, a little Saturnian moon that stared intensely at the living world and his little Earthling. 

“I-I- Not usually? Odysseus is considered a hero, but that definition is kind of skewed compared to modern values. He definitely does some messed up things.” He knew about some of the stuff further into the story, but he didn’t recall his version of the Iliad including Odysseus as the killer of Astyanax. I guess this is an alternative version? Greek myths have so many variations, this might get confusing.

“Killing a baby definitely puts him in the ‘evil’ category for me.” Hissed a voice from the back, the dark ice giant ‘X’ glaring at the ceiling as if the song would hear and be offended by his option. 

[ZEUS, ENSEMBLE]

This is the son of none other than Troy's very own prince Hector, know that he will grow from a boy to an avenger

“Who’s Hector? Why does his son need to be killed?” Titan asked, his hands clenched together and pressed to his chin as he leaned them against his drawn up knees. 

“H-Hector was one of the greatest warriors the Trojans had.” The human tried not to sound too nervous about talking to the moon. He felt mostly over the whole experience, but he couldn’t help but recall the way the orange-green celestial had forced him to explore his frozen ocean, the biting cold still vivid in his memory. “He was killed by Achilles, I think? Who was basically the best warrior on the Greek side. Achilles dragged Hector’s body around the walls of the city afterwards, so I can imagine his son would grow up a bit angry about that.”

“Or he might not? Why does that mean Ody has to kill him?” Ganymede shoved in with a huff, glaring at the human. “You humans are so weird.”

“‘Ody’? You have a nickname for him?” Titan questioned with a smile, drawing the larger moon’s attention from the human, who breathed out in relief. He suspected Earth, or at least Luna, would not allow anyone to hurt him, but he couldn’t be totally sure in the face of such huge humanoids staring at him so intensely.

“Look, I’m not saying ‘Odysseus’ every time.” Ganymede rolled his eyes. “It’s too long.”

“You’re one to talk, ‘Ganymede’.” Titan laughed outright now, grinning at the other moon playfully. “Can I call you ‘Gany’, then?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

One fuelled with rage as you're consumed by age

If you don't end him now you'll have no one left to save

You can say goodbye to

Penelope, you can say goodbye to Penelope

“Wait, is he saying he has to kill this baby just because they might grow up to kill his own loved ones?” Mercury drew his lips together into a tight line, his eyes flickering around the room as the notes paused. 

“Why would the kid even go after Odysseus’ wife?” Venus hissed with a tone of incredulity. “If that Achilles guy killed his dad, why go after this guy?”

“Achilles is already dead at this point.” Earth pointed out to the cloudy planet. “And Ody was pretty important to the Greeks’ success, he made the plan to use that wooden horse.”

“Why are you calling him that now, too?” Luna’s exasperated question only dragged a smirk onto his planet’s face.

“It’s a good nickname!”

[ODYSSEUS, ZEUS]

I could raise him as my own (He will burn your house and throne)

Or send him far away from home (He'll find you wherever you go)

Make sure his past is never known (The gods will make him know)

“Feels a bit like Zeus is backing him into a corner.” Triton noted, his tone low and irritated. “He’s not even entertaining Odysseus’ ideas, just telling him he has no choice.”

“The gods are like that, a lot of the time.” The human recalled a few other myths that used to annoy him in a similar vein, ones where the gods’ meddling seemed to seal the hero’s fate long before they got any say in the matter. “And, unfortunately, he’s probably right. Prophecies in Greek myths tend to force themselves into becoming true.”

“It’s not really fair, though, if the gods have so much power over the humans.” Callisto added with a bored tone, her gaze fixed on the image still held on the screen. “Is it really fate if the kid is going to be told specifically, by the gods, that he needs to kill his wife? Seems more like the gods are playing with them.”

“Well, the gods were just human attempts at understanding the world around them, so they tend to act in very cruel or vile ways.” He tried to explain, not sure how to word this to beings who he barely believed were sentient a few years ago. “They aren’t supposed to be questioned too much, but they would be pretty messed up if they really existed. I mean, clearly, higher beings aren’t too interested in humans at all, if you guys are any indication.”

“‘Higher beings’? Strange way to phrase it, but I won’t argue with you. You are very small.” The Sun grinned at him, and the human severely hoped the glowing wasn’t some kind of solar radiation he was going to suffer from later. I get enough radiation just doing my job, thanks. I don’t need even more piled on top. My dermatologist will be really happy to see me after all this.

I'd rather bleed for ya, down on my knees for ya (He's bringing you down on your knees for ya)

I'm begging please

(Oh, this is the will of the gods)

“Damn, Zeus is kind of an asshole.” A moon with only one eye spoke up, his voice nasally and pinched. “Um, no offence, Jupiter.”

“None taken, Mimas. I was actually thinking something similar.” Jupiter smiled reassuringly at the Saturnian moon, who only ducked his head to hide amongst the other satellites around him.

“So…is Ody going to do it?” Europa shivered, her voice strained and oddly quiet. “Kill the baby?”

“I do not know, Europa.” While Jupiter replied, the oldest planet turned his eyes to the Earthling a few feet away. 

“...” He stayed silent, not wanting to say something that would likely be proven wrong in a few minutes, but also not wanting to confirm that the baby definitely isn’t making it to adulthood. This is a fun first song, isn’t it?

[ODYSSEUS]

Please don't make me do this, don't make me do this

“At least he seems very against the idea.” Mercury mumbled rather pointlessly, his gaze turned to the floor after Odysseus’ emotional plea. 

“I’d be a bit worried if our ‘hero’ was excited to kill a baby, Pipsqueak.” Venus grumbled in reply, shuffling his seat to relax further back into it. “If this whole thing really is the Odyssey, we’re basically stuck with this guy for a few hours now.”

“Well, we can add ‘doesn’t want to kill a baby’ into his character traits, I suppose.” Mars pondered, though he seemed distracted as he spoke, waiting for the next part to possibly reveal the infant’s fate.

[ZEUS]

The blood on your hands is something you won't lose

[ALL]

All you can choose is whose’s

“That’s a cold line. And a good summary of his situation.” Caelus commented, “He either kills this kid, or dooms his wife. I don’t know what I’d choose.”

“You have a wife?” Neptune questioned, only to grin wider when the pale ice giant swung around to stare at him incredulously. “Only joking! I don’t even know what that is!”

“You know what, mate, neither do I.” Caelus muttered faintly, signing out a breath.

“I-I mean, I can try to explain?” The human offered, scrambling to find any possible way to break down the concept for beings who, honestly, didn’t seem that interested in the whole thing. “I don’t know if Celestials-”

“Dude, if you start giving the room the ‘birds and the bees’ talk, I’m going to dump you on Venus’ bean bag.” Earth halted him mid sentence with a hand over his face, eyeing the Earthling for any signs of continuing.

“I wasn’t going to-”

“Nope! Quiet now!”

SONG ENDS

“Oh? That’s the end?” Saturn leaned forward, peering at the screen. “Is the image going to change?”

“I don’t believe so. Sagas tends to imply more than one song.” Jupiter informed him, adding in a more concerned tone. “And, I fear we do not yet know the fate of that infant.”

“It was a nice melody, at least.” Pluto, his heart pattern recognizable even at this scale, piped up from the crowded bean bag next to Neptune. “Very fast paced, at least at the beginning.”

“I liked all the shouting at the start. It made me feel like we were actually in a battle!” A smaller, pinkish dwarf planet recalled excitedly, “Oh! I need to write this stuff down! I’m going to have so many ideas for our Dungeons and Dwarf Planets games after this!”

The man didn’t even want to ask how such distant celestials had somehow recreated Dungeons and Dragons within the Kuiper Belt, let alone how they were playing it. The less questions I ask, the better.

Now that the first song was done, he was feeling a bit more clear on his mission here. As unprepared as he felt, he knew he’d been on far more dangerous missions with much higher stakes. There are worse places to do than stuck in a room explaining lyrics to uncultured planets. Even if they might be hallucinations.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘JUST A MAN’

“This one sounds nice.” Luna breathed at the first few notes of slow plucking, almost like the start of a lullaby. “Calmer than the last one, at least.”

“Why is it so calm, though? He was about to kill a baby.” Titania hissed, her eyes hard and framed by a tense face. “The title doesn’t sound like he’s going to defy Zeus, it sounds like an excuse.”

“We haven’t even heard it yet, Titania.” Titan reasoned, glancing back at the Uranian moon. Her own expression softened minutely but her eyes remained trained on the screen.

[ODYSSEUS]

I look into your eyes and I

Think back to the son of mine

You're as old as he was when I left for war

Fighting down the urge to connect with the lyrics, the man breathed in and out forcefully, feeling his aching heart beat under his chest. While his own son had not been nearly as young when he’d left, that gap of time still pained him. Missing even a second of his child’s life felt like a betrayal, as though he was throwing away something irreplaceable. But, Rotsar had made him an offer he couldn’t turn down, and now he knew just how much of his life he’d signed away with that naïve decision. If I could go back, I’d like to think I would stay with my family, but I’ve always been a bit of a pushover.

“His kid was a baby when he left?” Venus grunted, adding hesitantly, “His kid is Telemachus, right? I assume it’s not Penelope.”

“Yeah, Telemachus is his son, and Penelope is his wife.” The Earthling confirmed hesitantly, coughing to clear his throat of emotion. 

“Why’d he leave a little kid? I know they had that silly promise to Menelaus, but surely they’d let him stay home with such a small baby?” Mercury inquired, leaning over his bean bag to peer at the human. 

“Promises were a much bigger deal to the Greeks.” He started, then paused, not sure if he was right to say that. He hadn’t exactly asked the celestials how they make or keep promises. This is why I’d make a terrible anthropologist. “If he refused to go, it would reflect badly on his whole kingdom, and likely his whole lineage. And, to be fair, he did try to get out of it.”

“How?” Mercury followed up, intrigued by the hint at a history. “What’d he do?”

“You know that guy I mentioned, who tried to act mad to avoid the war?” He asked, and continued as the smallest planet nodded. “That was Odysseus, and he’s likely the one that suggested the whole ‘promise’ thing to begin with, actually. So, they were a bit annoyed when he tried to get out of it. They only found him out because they placed his kid on the ground in front of the tiller he was pulling to salt his fields, and since he didn’t run his son over they said that was proof he wasn’t mad.”

“...that’s not as funny a story as I was imagining.” Mercury shuffled uncomfortably, and the human was painfully aware of the stares of the room. “They used his kid to force him to fight? That’s messed up.”

“Y-yeah, kinda.” He laughed awkwardly, attempting to avoid the memory of Houston’s college fund offer being held over his head after the Venus disaster when he’d threatened to quit. “But, they really did need him. He was probably the smartest guy there.”

“That’s not really a great excuse, either.” The little planet shrugged, turning back to the screen to eye the burning horse. “Though, I suppose the horse idea needed some brains behind it.”

“Exactly. And the man who placed his kid in front of the plough was killed during the war anyway, usually by some trickery from Odysseus.” As he added this anecdote, he quickly realised that wasn’t going to help these celestials not see humans as violent and petty. Going by the round of stares, his fears were confirmed. OK, note to self, tone down the violence in these stories. 

Will these actions haunt my days

Every man I’ve slain?

Is the price I pay endless pain?

“Personally, I think killing a baby should definitely haunt someone.” The distant ice giant scowled again, his eyes now trained on the gas giants. Saturn sighed heavily, turning a disapproving glare to ‘X’. Planet X? The 9th planet?

“X, please. Do you really think this is helping?” The dark ice giant flinched, taken aback by the ringed planet’s words, eyes narrowing. Nearby, the other giants exchanged nervous glances.

“My apologies. Ignore me.” X’s voice was tight, but he broke eye-contact with Saturn without any further words or expressions, just curling back into his seat. The human couldn't help but be bemused by the whole display, even more so by the very presence of an ice giant his kind clearly did not know about yet. I suppose we'll be sending out a new probe to find them soon enough.

Close your eyes and spare yourself the view

How could I hurt you?

“What’s he doing? Why does the baby need to close its eyes?” Tethys worried over the wording, turning to the moons beside him anxiously. “He’s not actually going to do it, is he?”

“I-I don’t know, Tethys.” Dione kept her voice as steady as she could, faltering slightly as the slow melody continued. 

I'm just a man who's trying to go home

Even after all the years away from what I’ve known

“10 years is an awful long time to be away…” Luna sighed, stirring a lump into the watching human's throat that he was forced to choke down, then straightened with a glare at the ceiling. “Not enough to kill a kid, though.”

“Maybe not, but he’s also trying to protect his wife. Zeus has forced his hand by threatening her life.” Iapetus mused, his hands clenched on his lap as he listened. “Though, I would like to know if Zeus is really all-knowing, and that defying his order would not work. If he raised the kid right, would the knowledge even anger him?”

“Not a risk he’s willing to take, I’m sure.” Earth muttered, “The Greek gods tended to get a bit feisty if you defied them, even if it worked. Zeus might just kill his wife himself.”

I'm just a man who's fighting for his life

Deep down I would trade the world to see my son and wife

I'm just a man

“He’s so going to kill that kid.” One of the dwarf planets, the pale one, snarked quietly. Unfortunately for her, the room was dead silent. 

“You don’t know that, Eris.” Pluto countered, but even he looked doubtful. The Earthling was dismayed to see the dwarf planet turn his gaze to him. “Does he kill the baby, Astrodude?”

“Um…yeah, sorry.” He trailed off into a whisper on the last word, not seeing anyway to avoid an answer without lying or acting dumb. The smattering of gasps was outweighed by expressions of resignation. Clearly, not many of the celestials had held hope for a different conclusion. 

Just as the room tried to come to terms with this dark twist in the story; the drawn out, soft note was slammed back down by a harsher, faster tone, the song powering into a new stanza.

[ODYSSEUS]

But when does a comet become a meteor?

“Um, when it passes my atmosphere, I’m pretty sure?” Earth frowned, then thought about it a bit more. “Or, well, if it burns up in the atmosphere. If it hits, it's a meteorite.”

“And, comets do not usually become meteors as a whole. Bits of the comet may burn up as meteoroids, but the comet itself is not one.” Jupiter noted, tilting his head with a smile. “Though, I imagine the point of that line was not to be astronomically accurate.”

“True.” Earth conceded, nodding along to Jupiter. "Metaphors and all that, very wordy.”

“What is the metaphor, then?” Luna apparently decided to quiz his planet, who shot him a look in reply. Unluckily for Earth, Jupiter also appeared interested in his reply.

“Um, uh…shh.”

When does a candle become a blaze?

When does a man become a monster?

“Probably when he kills a baby.” The Sun spat, digging his fist into the bean bag below him with a scowl written across his face. “Why are we going to be following this human? He hardly seems like a hero.”

“That’s not really the point of Odysseus’ story. He’s fallible, just like every person.” The Earthling struggled not to cower under the star’s gaze, even as the bright celestial tried to smile reassuringly as he noticed his fear. “B-but I-I agree he is crossing a line here.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page, Astrodude!” The star peered closer, his grin widening. “No need to shake so much, little guy! I have a sunny per-sun-ality!”

“Y-yeah, I can see that.” The human swallowed, trying to smile back at the ball of plasma moulded into a humanoid shape. If this is a hallucination, my mind is cruel and messed up, torturing me with puns.

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

When does the reason become the blame?

When does a man become a monster?

“The answer to most of these questions seems to be ‘when they become dangerous’, so I imagine he’s definitely feeling like a monster for killing this baby.” Mars pointed out. The red planet huffed out a breath and turned to the Earthling. “Is this the worst thing he does? During the rest of the story?”

“...that’s probably something you’ll have to answer for yourself.” He dodged, still unsure what parts of his recollection of the epic would be represented in this adaptation. Best I keep it vague, for now.

[SOLIDERS, ODYSSEUS]

When does a comet become a meteor?

When does a candle become a blaze? (Forgive me)

When does a man become a monster? (Forgive me)

When does a man become a monster? (Forgive me)

“Who is he asking forgiveness from?” Saturn questioned in disbelief, “The baby? Zeus? Himself?”

“Who knows?” A smaller moon of Caelus shrugged dismissively, her planet looking down at her as she spoke, “I’m more curious about why his soldiers have started playing backup singers for his baby-slaughter. Seems a bit odd.”

“It’s a musical, Miranda. Artistic licence, mate.” Caelus was fiddling with a very large notepad, though it looked to scale in the ice giant’s hands. I didn’t even know they knew what paper was, let alone a notepad. “They probably aren’t just standing behind him and singing while he kills a baby. That would be messed up.”

“Funny more like.” Another moon laughed, only to be knocked on the head by Titania. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Ariel, we talked about this. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t.”

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm just a man

“...how did he kill that baby?” Luna ventured, eyeing the human with a nauseous expression. He gulped, glancing at the rest of the waiting room of celestials. 

“Um, well, in some versions, it’s not even Odysseus that kills him, it’s Achilles’ son, Neoptolemus.” He began, surprised he even remembered how to pronounce that name. “But, he’s usually killed by being…dropped off the walls of the city?”

“...you Earthlings are sick.” He didn’t pick up who said those words, but they stung all the same, and more so for the fact he could not refute them. He could argue that this was a story, but infanticide was hardly unheard of for his species. And telling them that, actually, most living creatures were known to kill their babies would not help either. Well, technically, gravity killed him, so who’s fault is that? No, that’ll definitely get me squished, by my own planet as well.  

SONG ENDS

“Well, that was horrible.” The Sun muttered, glaring at the screen. “Are you going to change now? I’m getting bored of this fire horse.”

“I can’t imagine they’re still fighting the Trojans, not after throwing a baby off a wall.” Venus stated bluntly, also glaring at the screen. “Isn’t this whole thing about a journey? When does that start?”

“Soon, I’d hope.” Earth shrugged, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned loudly. “If it doesn’t start soon, I’ll be asleep before it ends.”

“I thought you were sleeping when I went to Moon club? Why are you still tired?” Luna questioned with a stern expression, eyeing his planet critically. The living planet dodged making eye-contact and waved his concerns away quickly.

“Change of plans, that’s all. Stuff came up.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘FULL SPEED AHEAD’

“Running away from the kid he killed?” Venus sneered, but his head rose to listen to the new sound of waves and drumming.

“It’s at least more upbeat than the last one. Sounds like an ocean.” Mars noted, then asked, “So, they must be going home, right?”

“Probably. Greece is full of islands, so the most common mode of transport was a ship.” The human confirmed, hopeful that they might finally be getting to the actual Odyssey. 

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS, ALL]

Six hundred men, six hundred men under my command

With only one goal in mind

(Make it back alive to our homeland)

“S-six hundred! T-that’s a l-lot, isn’t i-it? A-are they t-the guys w-we heard a-about at t-the start?” Io stammered out with a wheeze, his curious eyes finding the human so quickly he didn’t have time to register the question properly.

“N-no, not likely. The other heroes went home to different kingdoms, not his.” The Earthling tried to recall if the scale of Odysseus’ crew was ever even mentioned in the Odyssey. “600 is quite a lot, but I think he left Troy with 12 ships, so maybe they could fit 50-ish on each? I’m not super sure what kind of ships they even were, though, so I have no idea if they'd all fit.”

“T-there are d-different k-kinds?” Io’s response reminded him that he was currently talking to a moon billions of kilometres from his planet and completely detached from what a reasonable amount of soldiers was, or what a boat was. No point in trying to work out how realistic the song is, they won’t notice either way. 

“Nevermind.”

Six hundred men, six hundred miles of open sea

But the problem's not the distance

(It's what lies in between)

“Water?” Neptune tilted his head to an angle to grin down at the human as he asked, “Is that a big problem? I thought ships just floated over it.”

“They do.” The human nodded carefully, trying not to look too unnerved by the large humanoid. “But ships can still be sunk by storms or big waves, or crash into rocks. And they have to make stops at different islands as they go.”

“Oh! Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.” The blue ice giant smiled at him happily, adding, “They’ll be home in no time!”

“Mate, this whole story is about the journey taking forever . I don’t think he’ll be home soon.” Caelus frowned doubtfully, using one arm to push the other ice giant back from his leaning over the human. “Though, I would like to know how they mess up so much over just 600 miles.”

And Ithaca's waiting (Ithaca's waiting)

My kingdom is waiting (The kingdom is waiting)

Penelope's (waiting for me)

So full speed ahead, full speed ahead

“Oh, is Ithaca his home?” Saturn hummed, “And his kingdom? What does that mean?”

“That just means he’s in charge of it.” Luna replied, and the human was left with his mouth half open and the distinct feeling he should at least try to correct that blanket statement. 

“Um, sort of? It was an inherited position, and it was respected because the family line often had riches or great deeds in their past.” He added, “He was basically in charge of it, but it was a delicate position and he could have lost his crown had his wife not waited for him.”

“She waited? For ten years?” Saturn seemed to find the idea cute, so he thought he’d be safe adding the next bit.

“Longer than that, unfortunately.” 

“Oh…oh dear.”

[EURYLOCHUS, SOLDIERS]

Captain, (Eurylochus)

“I like that the crew were nice enough to chorus his name, just in case Ody forgot.” Earth laughed, leaning back in his seat and nearly upsetting the human’s own precarious position on the edge of said seat. 

“I think it is trying to show a level of connection between this man and the crew.” Jupiter pointed out insightfully, his interest piqued by the new character. “I am looking forward to hearing more about Eurylochus.”

“Jupiter, if you start analysing every line in this, we’ll be here until the Sun turns into a red giant.” Ganymede rolled his eyes, but his light-hearted tone and curious gaze betrayed a similar interest to his planet. 

Six hundred men (Six hundred men)

Six hundred men with big mouths to feed, and we've run out of supplies to eat

(Curse the war, our food stores depleted)

“They’re literally a Greek chorus.” The Earthling muttered with a small smile, amused at the irony. A whole boat of Greek soldiers, singing a Greek chorus for their captain. This might be funnier than I expected, especially after those first songs.

“Did they not pack enough food?” Oberon’s voice asked, confused. “Didn’t they just leave land? Why are they out already?”

“Well, they were at war for 10 years, and I don’t imagine they stuck around after the baby-dropping.” Dione shook her head in dismay. “I can’t see the Trojan's letting them hang around and eat after that.”

“It was less the Trojans, and more the gods that actually chased them off.” The human put in, vaguely wondering why the moons of different planets were so chatty and friendly with each other, despite the distance between their orbits. Though, Luna did mention a Moon club, so maybe that explains it. “The gods were annoyed by the end of the war, so they sent a storm to drive them away in some versions.”

“Why were the gods mad? Weren’t they half the reason the war even started?” Dione pressed, her attention far more intense now. 

“Uh, yeah, but some of the heroes managed to do things that specifically annoyed the gods, so they got petty about it.” He tried to explain, not excited at the idea of having to describe specific crimes. I think I got away with being pretty vague about Ajax’s, but I don’t even know where to begin with the rest.

“Sounds like that’s all the gods do, get petty about things.”

“I mean, basically?”

Six hundred men (Six hundred men)

Six hundred reasons to take what we can

So captain, what's the plan?

(Captain, what's the plan?)

“They’re going to steal?” Charon, the moon sitting beside Pluto, gasped in horror. “I don’t like this Eurylochus guy already!”

“More like a raid.” Earth offered, which didn’t sound much better to the human’s ears. 

“What’s the difference?” Pluto inquired of the living world, his moon also listening for the response. 

“Scale? Stealing is normally sneaky and small, while this army was probably just raiding the islands they landed on.” Earth shrugged, then apparently realized this sounded worse and added, “Yeah, humans can be kind of cruel, even to each other, but back then having a bigger army was sorta the only way to protect stuff like food from raiders.”

“You’re really not helping me like these guys, Earth.” Pluto’s side-eye towards the present human stung a bit, but he probably deserved it. We did demote him, in a way, I guess?

“Look, the island raiding is barely scratching the surface, so this is going to be a rough watch then.” Earth sighed, his amusement dying into a tired expression. “You don’t have to like them. The story is interesting all the same.”

“If you say so.”

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS, ALL]

Watch where the birds fly

(Watch where the birds fly)

They will lead us to land

(They will lead us to land)

There we'll hunt for food, my second in command

Now full speed ahead, full speed ahead

“Well, Odysseus definitely seems very intelligent. Using natural signs to aid his crew.” Iapetus commented, his two-sided surface drawing the Earthling’s eye in wonder. “Would that work? Following birds?”

“Uh, I wouldn’t recommend it.” Earth hissed through his teeth, pursing his lips into a line. “You might get lucky and find a bird that is actually going to land, but more often than not you won’t. Some species can fly over water for days, and a few basically never stop to land at all. So, unless you know that bird species really well, it’s not a great idea.”

“I noticed he called Eurylochus his ‘second in command’. Does that mean he’s like Jupiter to the Sun?” Europa butted in, apparently unfazed by the outraged look from the star, and the worried one from her planet. 

“I don’t have a SECOND IN COMMAND! I AM THE COMMAND!”

[EURYLOCHUS, SOLDIERS, ODYSSEUS]

We're up, we're off, and away we go

(We're up, we're off, and away we go (Full speed ahead))

We're up, we're off, and away we go

“Off we go!” The small moons of Mars echoed, jumping up to run around their planet’s bean bag. “Full speed ahead!”

“Come on! Let’s go raid an island!” Phobos cheered, darting off to throw himself full-force against a bean bag nearer the back, dislodging a handful of Neptunian moons. While the planet and largest moon appeared startled, the little moons only jumped into action and chased the Martian moons away. 

“Get back here!” Nereid laughed, ignoring Triton’s attempt to grab her, his efforts only trapping two of the smaller moons. The rest ran off after her, giggling and tripping over legs as they went.

“Are you going to call them back?” Triton muttered to his planet, who gave him an odd, confused look. 

“Why? They’re having fun!” Neptune argued, his own smile wide and undeterred by the scattered chaos his moons were causing. “I’m sure they’ll be back in a bit.”

“Whatever.” Triton huffed with an air of indifference, but the human watched as the moon carefully tracked the positions of the wayward celestials until they returned to their seat.

[POLITES]

Captain

[ODYSSEUS]

Polites!

“Oh. No chorus this time, but he sounds happy to see him.” Jupiter mused, “I suppose this is a friend of his?”

“Sounds like it, mate.” Caelus glared at the screen as he spoke. “Though, I don’t know why this guy still has friends, after killing a baby and all.”

“He was forced into it. It wasn’t his choice” The man regretted his response as soon as it escaped his mouth, but he couldn’t swallow it back down now. The ice giant turned to him slowly, eyes hard and cold. “I-I only meant-”

“Look, little guy, I really don’t care why he did it.” The ice giant rolled his eyes as he muttered, “But, don’t expect me to forget about it anytime soon, okay?”

“Caelus.” As the human spoke, he tried to sound more confident than he felt, but his heartbeat quickened as the pale blue planet’s eyes widened in surprise at the name. “I-I am not trying to defend him, but I really think the circumstances should be taken into account. People do things they’d never dream of under threats.”

He certainly had. In all his time stuck in space, he’d been so close to making horrible mistakes so many times it was getting exhausting. The Martian laser had been a wake up call, but he still knew his future missions would be just as hard. And he didn’t even want to consider the fate of SiBO. I took him from his home, and now he’s being dragged all over the system by a madman who might use him, or hurt him, or kill him! 

“S-sorry, mate. I wasn’t saying you were, necessarily.” Caelus shuffled uncomfortably, his eyes down and shifty. “You’re not a bad Earthling, you’know.”

“Um, thanks?”

[POLITES]

Look! There in the distance, I see an island

I see a light that faintly glows

Maybe they're people lighting a fire

Maybe they'll share some food, who knows?

“Is that likely in Ancient Greece? Finding people who will share food so easily?” Callisto’s question fell into a gap in the song, pausing the steady rhythm once again. I’ll have to find these songs myself, once I’m back on Earth. And listen to them without interruptions.

“I-I have no idea. Look, I might know a bit about Greek myths, but I’m not exactly an expert on their culture at the time.” He breathed out, trying to picture the humanoids around him as simply a very lively board meeting. “I know vague bits, but not a lot.”

“It’s all human, though, isn’t it? Why would it be so different?” Mars sent him a confused frown from his own bean bag, where he had somehow managed to wrangle the two little moons back onto his lap. 

“It’s 3200 years and half a planet removed from me.” The human shot back, “I’m not even Greek, let alone ancient Greek. Human society has changed a lot since then.”

“Huh, if you say so, Astrodude.” Mars didn’t sound terribly convinced as he considered the little human in front of him. “3200 isn’t really that long ago, though?”

“It is for me! That’s, like, 100 generations of humans!” 

“Wow, you guys expire fast, don’t you?” Mars joked before switching to a softer gaze. “Don’t stress, dude, I get it. I think?”

[ODYSSEUS]

Something feels off here

I see fire but there's no smoke

“What could that mean?” The smallest planet glanced at the Earth with a question. “How can fire happen without smoke? Lava? Plasma?”

“I really hope the island wasn’t full of plasma, Mercury. That would be alarming.” The living planet laughed, adding in a dismissive tone. “There are ways to make fires with minimal smoke, but honestly the answer is probably magic or something. These stories always have stuff like that going on.”

“A magic island?” The Sun, overhearing, grinned at the thought. “Well, that sounds sun-sational! Much better than all that fighting from earlier!"

[EURYLOCHUS]

I say we strike first, we don't have time to waste

So let's raid the place and…

[ODYSSEUS]

No

Polites gear up, you and I'll go ahead

[POLITES]

You and I'll go ahead

“Polites sounds quite happy with that idea, at least.” Titania noted, her gaze roaming around the room idly. “He seems much nicer than these other two.”

“He sounds annoying.” Miranda grumbled half-heartedly, “His voice is so high.”

“Yeah, to be the opposite of that other guy, Eury!” Ariel pointed out with a smirk. “See, I’m paying attention! I think these two are going to be opposites that keep popping up to give Ody two different choices.”

“T-that’s actually surprisingly insightful, Ariel.” Miranda stammered, taken aback by the moon’s words. 

“Surprisingly? ”

[ODYSSEUS]

We should try to find a way no one ends up dead

[EURYLOCHUS]

We don't know what's ahead

“They both have a point, I fear.” Saturn sighed, shaking his head and glancing at his friend for his thoughts. “As much as I don’t want to hear about more dead Earthlings, they can’t be sure the island is safe.”

“Indeed my friend, but I believe Ody is not someone who will be so naïve as to jump into this without thought.” As Jupiter replied, his largest moon’s head shot up in disbelieving surprise.

“You’re using the nickname too?” 

“Well, as you said, Gany, his name is rather long.” Jupiter’s amused smile only grew when his moon registered his words enough to sputter in outrage.

“Wait-No!” Ganymede glared at the other Galilean moons as they laughed. “I-I’m not answering to that!”

“Ah, my apologies, Ganymede.” Jupiter chuckled, but the warmth in his eyes seemed to calm the offended moon enough to quiet him. 

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

Give me 'til sunrise, and if we don't return

Then six hundred men can make this whole place burn

“OK, dark turn.” Mars paused, “But at least he has a backup plan? Smart, I suppose.”

“That does seem to be his thing.” Venus folded his arms over his chest. “And I suppose the next song is going to be about the island? Something cool better happen there.”

Now full speed ahead

Full speed ahead

(Full speed ahead)

We're up, we're off, and away we go

(We're up, we're off, and away we go)

Full speed ahead

(We're up, we're off, and away we go)

(We're up, we're off, and a-)

Full speed ahead

“Full speed ahead!” The Sun called out as the song ended. The room of celestials turned bemused stares to their star. “What? It’s catchy!”

SONG ENDS

“OK, still no picture change. Maybe after the next one?” Titan speculated to his planet, who was eyeing the wooden horse critically.

“I would hope so. They’re definitely not in the horse anymore.” Saturn frowned, “Or Troy.”

“I don’t think these have been divided by location.” The human ventured, still a bit wary of Saturn recalling their last encounter in orbit. He seems pretty chill with his moons, so maybe they got over it? “If they had been, we’d be changing the picture after every second song.”

“Oh? He visits that many places?” The ringed giant inquired with surprise. “Well, at least it’ll keep this interesting.”

“That’s a guarantee, with the Odyssey.” He assured him, glad that the gas giant was invested in the story.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘OPEN ARMS’

The song started with almost tropical animal calls, as if they’d just stepped into a sun-baked forest. The rapid shaking sound that joined in also aided in the upbeat tone of the song.

“That’s an odd title for a song about raiding an island.” Callisto’s unimpressed mutter caught the Earthling’s hearing. At her side, Io wheezed out a laugh.

“T-the most f-f-friendly raid in t-the Universe!” The yellow volcanic moon chuckled out, uncowed by the glare sent his way.

“Anyway, I’m pretty sure these two are just scouting, not raiding.” Europa rolled her eyes at the two other Galilean moons. “Though, if they’re late back, things might actually get interesting.”

“Burning an island is not my definition of ‘interesting’." Titan winced at the pale moon’s phrasing. 

[POLITES]

You can relax, my friend

[ODYSSEUS]

Huh?

“I like this guy, he sounds so nice!” Neptune grinned widely, perking up at the sound of this new melody. 

“Bit odd to tell his captain to relax when they’re investigating a strange island, though.” Triton pointed out from his perch beside the planet, two little moons already asleep in his lap. “Not really the time or the place.”

“He doesn’t think this island is dangerous, though." Proteus recalled, wiggling from his seat on Neptune to lean over to Triton. “He thinks they’ll share!”

“Very optimistic.” Titania commented from her nearby position, looking across at the other moons. “He’s going to walk right into a trap like that.”

“Nope! Sharing is what everyone is supposed to do! So they’ll be fine!” Another of the small Neptunian moons exclaimed, proudly turning to her planet. “Isn’t that right!”

“Of course, Galatea!” The ice giant grinned, while his largest moon muttered something under his breath.

[POLITES]

I can tell you're getting nervous

So do yourself a service

And try to relax my friend

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm fine, Polites

“Aw, Polites is trying to be a good friend!” Tethys’ smile widened to a laugh as he added, “I like how his name sounds like ‘polite’!”

“It’s certainly an ironic naming.” Iapetus agreed with a tempered expression of wariness. “Though, I fear his words will not get through to Odysseus. He seems quite dismissive of the suggestion.”

“He’ll come around!” Rhea decided, passing the two-sided moon a smile. “I mean, after the last few years he’s had, I can’t imagine he’ll turn down a chance to relax a bit!”

“Maybe. Not in a potentially hostile environment, though.” Iapetus reminded her.

“Don’t be such a downer.”

[POLITES]

Think of all that we have been through

We'll survive what we get into

I know that you're tired of the war and bloodshed

Tell me, is this how we're supposed to live?

Look at how you grip your sword, enough said

“I like his rapid singing, it’s catchy!” Luna’s silver eyes caught the human’s attention as the moon turned to him brightly. “Can you sing like that? Earth’s told me a lot about how good you humans are at singing!”

“Ah, no, I’m not a good singer, sorry. Please don’t ask me to.” He pleaded, not at all interested in the panic attack he’d get if forced to sing to the gathered celestials. Drunk Karaoke is one thing, this is an entirely different level of humiliation. “But! Lots of people are good at singing. It’s basically a cultural universal with humans. We love singing, even when we’re bad at it.”

“Why don’t you want to sing then? If it’s something you love.” Mars had apparently been eavesdropping on the two of them, leaning over now to peer at the human. “Go on! Give us a show!”

“Haha, no thanks…” He awkwardly smiled at the red planet, shooting desperate looks back at Luna for help. The moon just laughed silently, his grin of amusement destroying the Earthling’s hopes.

“Damn Astrodude, don’t look so scared, little guy!” Mars was examining him closer now, brows furrowing at the shaking human. “I’m not gonna make yah, I was just joking.”

“Oh, ah…Ha ha?” He tried to laugh, but it came out squeezed and misshapen. “Sorry, I just thought you might want some pay-back, you know?”

“For what?” The red planet looked even more confused now, glancing at the living world and his moon for help of his own. 

“The terraforming? I helped make that laser they shot at you.” He decided not to mention the robot army he may have also helped to form from that incident. I’m sure these guys have nothing to fear from a few robots anyway.

“Oh! Well, that was more annoying than anything else, and you stopped it pretty quickly, didn’t you? So no harm done!” Mars dismissed, offering the human a reassuring head-pat. I need to ask them not to do that. 

Why should we take when we could give?

You could show a person that you trust them

When you stop and lower your guard

Here we have a chance for some adjustment

Give it a try, it's not that hard

“Oh. So he wants to get Odysseus to switch from a ‘war’ mindset to a more friendly one?” Saturn mused, nodding along to the lyrics. “I agree, he could use some practice being nice. Especially after that baby incident.”

“I don’t think being kind to a couple of islanders is going to wipe all that traumatizing stuff from his mind.” Mercury pointed out doubtfully, then added with a shrug, “But, it’s better to start small, I suppose?”

“True. Small steps.”

I'm telling you

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart

No matter the place, we can light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

“Very optimistic attitude.” Jupiter’s voice held a hint of uncertainty as he listened to Polites sing. “Not a common one among the Greek myths, as far as I recall.” 

“I wonder how it’ll backfire?” The Sun sneered with a laugh. “These heroes always seem to fall to some character trait of theirs. It’s not hard to imagine how this guy fails.”

“Maybe not, Sun. He is still a warrior in this army, and I’m sure under the right circumstances he will fight just as much as Odysseus.” Jupiter countered with a frown at the star. “His optimism does not have to mean naivety.”

“I’m not sure I see much of a difference.” The Sun rolled his eyes at the gas giant, but paused at the annoyed look on his oldest planet’s face. “Oh, come on, Jupiter. I’m just pointing it out. I’m sure this will end in nothing but stars and nebulae.”

[LOTUS EATERS]

Welcome

[ODYSSEUS]

Stay back

[LOTUS EATERS]

Stay back

[POLITES]

My friend, greet the world with open arms

“Who the Stars are they talking to?” Venus drew back at the odd, high-pitched and warped voices. The Earthling was equally as confused, taken aback by the unexpected sound. I’d have thought this was the lotus eaters, but the lotus eaters are just random people, not some kind of creature.

“I wish we could see what they look like.” Earth complained, his gaze falling over the human beside him in thought. “I was expecting humans, but now I have no idea!”

“Well, if they can talk, doesn’t that mean they are humans? I thought humans were the only talking species we could understand?” Mercury pointed out with a confused glance at the Earth.

“Not in mythology! That’s out the window, tossed across the Solar System.” Earth exaggerated, throwing his hands up to emphasize his point. “Most of the monsters can talk. And some regular animals as well. The gods don’t even look like humans half the time.”

“Ah. So this could get confusing.”

[ODYSSEUS]

We're only here for food

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food

[ODYSSEUS]

Six hundred friends are waiting for us to show our faces

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food

[ODYSSEUS]

Stay back, I'm warning you

“He’s really jumpy, isn’t he?” Ariel giggled, “These guys sound so tiny and harmless, and he’s threatening them like they're about to eat him!”

“Who knows? Maybe they are?” Oberon worried, his hands held together over his curled up knees. “Like Earth said, these could be monsters!”

“You think a monster would sound like that ?” Ariel questioned, then turned to one of the darker moons, who was staring ahead with an intense look. “What do you think, Umbriel? Are they dangerous monsters?”

Umbriel blinked, then turned her stare to Ariel and slowly shook her head. The other moon nodded with a bright, triumphant smile.

“See! Even Umbriel agrees with me!”

“Ugh, if you say so, Umbriel.”

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food 

[ODYSSEUS]

If we don't get back safely, my men will turn this place into blazes

“That is not my definition of ‘greeting the world with open arms’.” Caelus huffed, “He basically just told them to give him food or get burnt to death.”

“Not really? He was warning them of what will happen if he’s harmed.” Pluto argued, trying to recall the whole conversation. “Though, it would help if he’d actually asked instead of jumping straight into that bit of information."

“Small steps indeed.” Caelus muttered doubtfully, waiting for the music to resume.

[LOTUS EATERS]

Here you go

[POLITES]

See? This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart

No matter the place, we can light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

“They actually gave him food?” Luna asked in mild amazement, frowning as his suspicion grew. “There's got to be a catch to this.”

“Yep, almost certainly.” The human echoed, his previous idea of the lotus eaters rising once again in his mind. I can’t think of any other situation where Ody was offered food so easily. Oh great, now I’m using that nickname!

“I hope he’s not stupid enough to eat it right away.” Mars grimaced and shook his head. “No, Ody’s already shown himself to be quite smart. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Polites on the other hand…” Venus trailed off with a suggestive expression of doubt.

[ODYSSEUS]

My friend, I wish that I could say that I agree

But look at the way this fruit is glowing and filled with glowing seeds

It took me a while to notice just what kind of fruit they eat

It's a lotus, it controls your mind and never lets you free

That's what we'd get with open arms

“Ah, there it is.” Earth nodded to himself. “Lotus eaters. They’re usually just humans, though. Regular dudes with a plant addiction.”

“Earthlings can get addicted to plants?” Titan’s bemused question dragged an amused smile onto the living planet’s face.

“They almost exclusively get addicted to plants. It’s honestly kind of scary how many toxic plants they have decided to consume on mass just because it makes them feel weird.” Earth’s explanation was a bit reductive in his opinion, but what could he say to the planet all those plants and humans lived on? I can’t really argue with him, not when he definitely knows more than me about this.

“So do these lotuses mind-control humans?” The Sun inquired suddenly, startling the Earthling anew. “Sounds useful.”

“Um, for starters, they’re not real.” Earth corrected testily, eyeing the star warily. “Well, lotuses exist, but they don’t have this effect. Second of all, they just make the humans lazy and forgetful, not mind-controlled.”

“Aw, pity.”

[POLITES]

Lotus eaters, I'd like to show my friend that kindness is brave

Could you tell me where there's other food to eat?

[LOTUS EATERS]

The cave (Scary cave)

“Did they just say ‘scary cave’? Oh no!” Charon sat up from her seat between her planet and a small dark celestial. “What’s in the cave?”

“Nothing good, and it’ll probably delay them going home.” Eris, another dwarf planet sitting nearby, responded with a sigh. “And that’ll lead to another issue, and then another. Like Makemake’s games.”

“I’d like to think I include more variety than that.” The spectacled dwarf planet put in with a disagreeing tone.

“Yeah, you’d like to think that.” Eris reiterated with a smirk. Charon shot her an annoyed look.

“Don’t be mean. I love Makemake’s stories! And so does Ceres!” 

“Aha ah ha!” The little dark dwarf planet added enthusiastically.

[POLITES]

A cave! You're saying there's a cave where we could feast?

And where do we sail to find this food-filled cave?

[LOTUS EATERS]

East (That way)

[POLITES]

Thank you!

[LOTUS EATERS]

Welcome

“Well, they were friendly enough. Apart from the mind-controlling fruit.” Luna turned to the Earthling with a question. “Are they harmless in the original story too?”

“Yeah, basically. A few of the crew eat the lotus and have to be dragged off, but other than that they were one of the easier obstacles.” He recalled, trying to remember anything else about them. They hadn’t really stood out to him at the time, not compared to the other islands the crew would end up on. “They get past it pretty fast, compared to future ones.”

“Why are they even in the story? Seems like a pointless pitstop.” Mars pointed out, but the Earthling already had an answer for that. Time to prove I was actually listening, Mrs Sphere!

“A lot of the islands they visit are used to represent things the Greeks were culturally supposed to reject. Because this was an oral story used to communicate through generations.” He hoped this wasn’t too confusing or silly for the celestials to care about. It was likely to come up again with the other islands and he really didn’t want to have to re-explain himself every time. “The lotus eaters represent the desire to forget about the real world and indulge in luxuries and pleasures, ignoring everything else and leaving reality behind.”

“...I did not get that at all.” Mars tilted his head at the little human. “You got all that from a story?”

“Well, yeah. It’s how these things work.” He tried to face the planet with some confidence. “We tell stories, and we hide meanings in them. And we read stories and pick up on those hidden meanings.”

“Earth, your Earthlings get weirder every day, dude.” Mars seemed to relent on his desire to understand, instead tossing a dismissive grin to the living world. The human used the excuse to turn away from the red planet and face his own again. I miss my wife. She’d love to hear all about this. I can’t wait to tell her about this whole wild experience. One day.

[POLITES]

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

I see in your face, there is so much guilt inside your heart

“He does feel bad about the baby murder, then?” Dione drawled, her eyebrow raising at the lyrics. “That’s good to know, I guess.”

“I’m not sure he’d have had an entire monologue about being a monster if he didn’t feel bad about it, Dione.” Enceladus refuted, his voice squeaky and pitchy. 

“Hm, true.”

So why not replace it and light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

[ODYSSEUS]

Greet the world with open arms

[POLITES]

You can relax, my friend

“Aw, he’s warming up to the idea!” Neptune grinned excitedly, turning to his fellow pale ice giant. “He’ll be happy in no time!”

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy, Neptune.” Caelus sighed, his eyes straying around the room without focusing on anything in particular. “One song isn’t going to fix ten years of war and having to murder a child.”

“Oh. Yeah, maybe not.” Neptune dropped his smile for a beat, then grabbed it again to add, “Buuut! He can be a little happy, in the meantime, and keep working on the rest!”

“If you say so, mate.”

SONG ENDS

“Well, I like that Polites guy, he’s a lovely singer.” Saturn broke the silence that fell over the room after the last few notes of the song died away. The screen continued to glow softly, the fiery horse almost seared into his eyes now.

“There can’t be more than one or two more songs in this saga, can there?” Pluto pondered aloud, his words drawing the rest of the room to look again at the screen. 

The human rubbed at his eyes, the tiredness from before having faded to a low urge rather than an all-consuming desire. The bean bag wasn’t easy to stay balanced on, especially when the two celestials moved, but it was soft and far better than the floor. At least here, he could pretend he was close to his family, back down on the surface of the blue-green planet lounging beside him. I wonder what they’re doing right now? 

He just hoped they weren’t too worried about him. His poor number of calls home sat in his mind like a rock, weighing every thought down with it. All he wanted was to go home, but so much still stood in his way. Like, for instance, explaining the entirety of the Odyssey to a room of rocks and gas. Ugh, the irony is killing me. This is a cosmic joke to someone out there.

And, even when he inevitably got out of here, he still needed to catch Cosmo and get SiBO back. The Titanian life form needed to go home, ideally. Screw the scientific breakthrough, that little guy had been his friend for too long for him to just surrender them to some laboratory somewhere. I’ll stop Cosmo, get SiBO, and make a stop-off at Titan. Then…then I can go home. To my beautiful wife, and our amazing son. They’re waiting for me and I won’t let them down.

Chapter Text

“-can see what you mean, but I really don’t-” 

“-If you think that, I’m-”

The moon fought down the urge to sigh, turning her head from the rest and stifling the frustration from showing on her face. The other moons around her were engaged in their usual constant chatter; the inane conversations floating right out of her head the second she heard them. She wanted to be back in orbit, or, ideally, away from her orbit around Caelus and free to wander the system alone. Anything that gave her a bit of space to breathe. But no, she was the oldest and largest Caeluian moon, so she had to act like it.

“-hey, Titania?” Her name caught her notice, forcing her eyes to stray back to the others. Ariel was nudging her, an excited smile plastered to her face as she tried to get a reaction from the eldest. Titania stared blankly at her, unmotivated to engage with the younger moon. She loved Ariel, of course she did, but the moon had a bad habit of pushing her luck with others’ patience. And she was definitely past starting to push her luck with Titania.

“Titania?” Oberon asked this time, his nervous gaze flickering over her with concern. The second largest moon had clearly picked up on her dying patience, and going by his anxious hands clenching and unclenching, he was painfully unsure of how to fix it despite wanting to. Get it together, Titania. I can’t just check out and dump this on Oberon. He’ll implode.

“I’m fine, Oberon.” She muttered, her voice dull and bored. Oberon hesitated, then nodded, taking her word at face value. As always.

“Why’d you stare into space then? You look half-asleep already, Titania.” Miranda teased lightly, her pale eyes blinking in the darkness of the shaded room. As the smallest of the major Caeluian moons, some might have expected Miranda to be more like Oberon or Ariel; childish and playful. But, while she often was, Miranda also displayed far more willingness to take command and lead her fellow moons, often stepping in when Titania or Umbriel could not. It made her both a blessing and a curse at times.

“This is just boring. Wouldn’t you rather be back in orbit as well?” She brushed off with a question, turning back to the screen to stare at the glowing picture of a ‘horse’. Behind her, she could hear her own planet whispering quietly to his fellow ice giant, the planets leaning over from their bean bags to speak. 

“Not really?” Miranda frowned at her, moving to block her view of the front. “Sure, this is a bit of a strange topic, but it still beats 500 more rounds of hide and seek.”

“Maybe for you.” She hummed, tilting her head to try and see past the moon. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hm.” She shrugged, unfocusing her eyes to ignore the scowl Miranda was forming on her face. Here we go.

“Titania!” Miranda whined, breaking her glare to swing her gaze over to the other moons. “Why are you all moody? We’ve been behaving! Even Umbriel thinks so! You’re being weird!”

“Does she now?” Titan turned to eye the silent moon, finding the dark, unblinking gaze already fixed onto her. Umbriel held her sight for a moment, before her mouth twitched at one corner and she blinked once. Ugh, now even Umbriel of all moons is getting on my case.

“See!” Ariel shoved up next to Umbriel, ignoring the intense stare sent her way, and grinned at Titania. “We’ve been SO good. You don’t need to be mad at us.”

“I’m not mad at you.” She refuted, her irritation rising and threatening to make her a liar. “I’m just- not in the mood for this.”

“Oh? Why not? Is everything okay?” Miranda bombarded her with questions, leaning closer to the oldest moon. “Is it Titan? If he said ANYTHING mean, I’ll peel his crust off! Was it Caelus? Is he being silly again? Or still? Did he stop being silly?”

“It’s nothing you can help, Miranda.” She sighed, fighting down the urge to grimace at the unwanted reminder of her other concerns. “Let it go.”

“But we wanna help!” Ariel exclaimed, fully stepping on Umbriel now to launch herself towards Titania. The larger moon pulled her off before Umbriel could make good on the threats she was glaring at Ariel, but the icy moon wiggled free to press up against her. The pressure was comforting, but not when it was attached to the hyperactive mouth. “We don’t want you to be unhappy, Titania!”

“If that were true, you’d actually listen to me.” Titania whispered bitterly, her tongue burning on the words. At her side, Ariel stiffened and Titania’s core dropped. Stars, why can’t I just shut up sometimes?

“What was that?” Miranda, leaning over to study the oddly still Ariel, eyed Titania with equal intensity. “What did you say, Titania?”

“Nothing. Nevermind.” She injected as much authority into her voice as she could, drawing on her statue as the largest major moon. Still the smallest ‘largest’ moon of any gas planet, though. Stars, I’m smaller than the Earth’s sole moon! And he’s a rocky planet! “We’re supposed to be listening. So shh, and pay at least a little bit of attention.”

“Sure, Titania.” Ariel was gazing at her strangely, the tone of her voice subdued and low. Titania’s core clenched at the sight, regret surging through her crust to burst from her surface. But, she stayed quiet, unwilling to undermine her own order. The larger moon gently curled one arm over the younger moon, relieved to feel her press further into her side. I’ll apologize in a bit. Add it to the list.

The room stirred as the title of the next song faded onto the screen. Caelus broke from his whispering to sit back into his seat, carefully avoiding the risk of disturbing his moons’ positions in and around his lap. Titania watched his nervous expression with a numbed pang of annoyance, while her core stung with a long-worn string of regrets and resentments.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘WARRIOR OF THE MIND’

“Warrior of the mind? What kind of fighting style is that?” Luna questioned, the grey moon looking up from his low conversation with the little Earthling, Astrodude. Titania had heard of him prior to this, but nothing Titan had said included how scared and small the poor thing was. When it had first landed in the room, she had thought it dead or dying, the way it twitched and writhed. 

“I don’t know. And anyway, isn’t he supposed to be being nice to these little creatures? I doubt he’s attacking them all of a sudden.” Earth pointed out to his moon. “It’s probably just a fancy way to say ‘smart fighter’.”

“What’s the song going to be about, then?” Luna continued, “Being smart?”

“Maybe? Not sure how smart you can be while raiding a cave, though.”

[ATHENA]

Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you?

[ODYSSEUS]

Athena!

“Athena? Who’s that? Why does it sound familiar?” Saturn asked, looking between Jupiter and the Earthling for an answer. Titania turned towards them as well, curious about this god she’d not heard of before this.

“A goddess. I think she was mentioned earlier. She doesn’t have a planetary namesake, but there is an asteroid named 93 Minerva in the Asteroid belt, which is her Roman name.” Astrodude piped up, animatedly adding, “It’s actually quite fascinating, because the asteroid has two little satellites orbiting it, just like moons for a planet.”

“...are we absolutely sure that’s not another dwarf planet we’ve been ignoring?” Mars side-eyed the dwarf planet bean bag, picking out the little dark planet grinning madly in the shadows. Titania was rather glad she’d had limited contact with Ceres, given their tendency to laugh uncomfortably loud.

“I don’t think so. 93 Minerva is only 150 km in diameter. That is not nearly large enough to be a dwarf planet.” Jupiter noted, his voice growing uncomfortable with the topic as he spoke. “Though, it is not exactly known, even by us, what size or conditions something must meet to become sentient. There are certainly moons who are far smaller, and small celestials like centaurs and comets have been known to communicate at times.”

“Wait. You guys don’t know why you’re sentient?" Astrodude frowned, his confused expression morphing into horror as he considered the implications. “What- but, how? So, every asteroid could be sentient as well?”

“We do not have any evidence of such a thing. Dwarf planets over ~900 km are sentient, and small moons under that are also sentient, but asteroids do not appear to be.” Jupiter continued awkwardly, his eyes darting to the Sun every few seconds. Titania’s gaze was drawn to the youngest of Caelus’ moons, the two tiny celestials still without names, the youngest only recently discovered. They would be mistaken for asteroids painfully easily. “I-I admit it is strange, but I don’t know enough about this topic to be able to answer your questions, Astrodude.”

“T-that’s fine, Jupiter, I was just a bit…caught off guard, I guess?” Astrodude shivered, turning back to the screen and pulling his legs towards his torso. Earth frowned down at his Earthling before opening his mouth.

“OK, existential crisis aside, why is the backing-track making a clock sound?” 

“Maybe this song is about time?” Luna offered, though his mind seemed far more focused on the little organic sitting beside him. 

“I don’t think so. She’s not really known for time-based things, at least not compared to Cronos.” Earth pointed out. Saturn, who had clearly become disinterested in the conversation a while ago, turned his head suddenly in bemusement.

“I did what now?” 

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

[ATHENA]

Have you forgotten to turn off your heart? This is not you

I see you changing from how I've designed you

Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you

“She ‘designed’ him’?” Mercury shuffled uncomfortably on his seat. “I thought humans made other humans, not gods?”

“Well, the gods did make kids every now and then.” Earth lightly explained, “But I don’t think Ody is ever called a son of Athena, so I doubt that’s what she’s referring to.”

“She seems really mad that he agreed with Polites at the end of the last song.” Mars pointed out, one eyebrow raised at the lyrics. “Why does she want him to be an asshole?”

“Well, if she’s been shaping him for a purpose, and now he’s going rouge, it makes sense that she’s a little annoyed by it.” The Sun proclaimed, oblivious to the incredulous stares sent his way. “Though, him being a little nicer doesn’t seem worth the effort of shouting at him over it.”

“Sun, moulding someone for a purpose is kinda messed up.” Mercury’s bold counter was accompanied by the Earth giving the Sun a judgmental stare out of the corner of his eye. The star at least seemed to realise his mistake.

“I didn’t say she was right! I just said that she’d probably be mad about it!” The Sun explained loudly, swinging a frantic look towards the living planet and his moon. “I wasn’t- I wasn’t agreeing with her! Let's move on!”

The song seemed to be in agreement with the star, resuming its notes as soon as the Sun quieted.

Goddess of Wisdom, Master of War

My life has one mission, create the greatest warrior

“Weird choice of a mission.” Enceladus muttered, his pale eyes flickering to the ceiling as the words rang out. “Seems a bit like a waste of time.”

“Yeah, I mean, don't those Earthlings only live for like 50 years? By the time she’s found one, it’ll be dead.” Hyperion joined in, ignoring the faint correction of ‘ 80’ from the Earthling present. “She could be doing way cooler stuff, especially with a title like that!”

“Goddess of wisdom sounds like fun, but master of war is a bit odd.” Rhea pointed out hesitantly. “We heard about that war at the start, and it sounded anything but wise and reasonable.”

“Maybe her wisdom is in stopping wars?” Mimas suggested doubtfully. “Wait, no, then she wouldn’t be so mad about his ‘open arms’ thing.”

“I hope she explains it a bit better later on.” Rhea mused, and Titania found herself nodding in agreement. She was intrigued by this goddess, who seemed so singularly focused on this goal of hers and was actually standing up to Odysseus. I like her already, I wish this system had a planet named Athena. This place could use some wisdom for once.

I had a challenge, a test of skill

A magic boar only the best could kill

One day a boy came for the thrill

A boy whose mind rivalled the boar's own will

“A boar? What’s a boar?” Caelus’ voice startled Titania out of her daydreaming, forcing her to look up and back at the planet. 

“An Earthling mammal. It’s sort of stocky and short, but very aggressive if threatened. They usually have tusks growing from their faces.” Earth revealed proudly, grinning at the dismayed look on the ice giant’s face. “They’re hunted by humans a lot in old stories, as they often used to injure or kill the hunters.”

“And the humans kept hunting them? Even when they got hurt?” Caelus muttered disbelievingly, shaking his head. “What am I even saying, of course they did! The screen told us they hunted those massive creatures to extinction, and they looked much bigger.”

“Yep! They even created specialised spears with cross-bars for boar hunting, ‘cause boar tend to keep running at the spear-holder despite being stabbed. Humans had hunted basically every other megafauna, so the boar became their best target, after bulls of course.” The living planet considered this for a second before adding, “And lions, and elephants, and I guess ostriches got it a bit rough during the Roman era…anyways!”

While Caelus was grumbling behind her about scary humans, Titania tried not to feel too impressed by the little humans. They seemed so capable, even with their small size and poorly distributed fur. Tiny things can be just as powerful as larger things, it seems.

[ODYSSEUS]

Let's go!

[ATHENA]

Maybe one day he'll follow me

And wе'll make a greater tomorrow, thеn they'll see

I know he'll change the world

'Cause he is a warrior of the mind

“Ody was the boy who went after the boar? And he killed it as a kid?” Pluto shivered at the thought, likely trying to picture the beasts Earth had described. 

“‘Boy’ could be any age from, like, 5 to 18, so he probably wasn’t a little, little kid.” The Earthling put in, his brows drawn down as he tried to recall more information about the tale being mentioned. “I’m not entirely sure of the exact story Athena is referring to, but Odysseus is often associated with boar in the myths. One tale says he went on a boar hunt as a young man with his grandfather, and during it he killed the boar. He also has a nasty scar on his knee from a boar, it’s mentioned in the Odyssey.”

“Oh? So, he didn’t know it was Athena’s special boar?” Charon asked, her interest piqued by the new information. “He just happened to kill it? Smartly?”

“I-I have no idea. This could be a completely different version of the story that I’ve never heard of.” Astrodude admitted. “Magic boar are actually surprisingly common in the myths, but I’ve not heard one specifically from Athena for Odysseus.”

“Still, it sounds like she was impressed.” Pluto observed, "Impressed enough to start planning his future. That was her plan? Find a smart kid using a magic boar and watch him, hoping he’ll become a ‘warrior of the mind’?”

“I guess so?” Charon shrugged, settling back into the bean bag with a grin. “It’s certainly got a lot of steps to it, but maybe that’s what being the goddess of wisdom is all about?”

“More like a goddess of convolution."

Maybe one day I'll reach him

And we can build his skills as I teach him

If there's a problem, he'll have the answer

He is a warrior of the mind

“Is that why he’s so smart? ‘Cause he got Athena training?” Venus grumbled as the verse finished up. “At least, she seems to be hoping for that.”

“I think it’s sweet!” The Sun’s smile wasn’t damped by the confused looks shot his way after he spoke. “She really wants to help him be a good warrior, and a wise one. And it must have worked because Ody is quite smart.”

“He threw a baby off a tower.” Venus countered in a deadpan voice. 

“He was being threatened!” The star snapped, then switched to a cooler tone, “Anyway, I’m just saying, it at least sounds like she wants good things for him.”

“Good things based on her opinion, not his.” Mercury muttered quietly, adding in a cautious tone, “I think that’ll be the issue here. He doesn’t want the same thing as her anymore.”

“The song didn’t say that.” The Sun pointed out smugly, but the smallest planet turned a doubtful eye to the star.

“It’s subtext. Or, at least, I think so.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Show yourself

I know you're watching me

Show yourself

I can see you

“She’s stalking him?” Miranda’s incredulous comment drew Titania’s attention back to the room. She’d been getting a little lost in the odd, shifty, stop-start background music the song had. It was fascinating how many sounds seemed to be mixed into it, and yet it did not sound unpleasant to hear. 

“He might have been seeking her out.” Titania offered an alternative, remembering the previous lyrics. “If he suspected she had sent the boar, maybe he’s hoping to talk to her?”

“She’s still hiding and watching him. That’s still creepy.” Miranda huffed, but grinned at the larger moon. “Do you like the song so far, Titania?”

“Um?” The question caught the moon off guard, and she struggled to understand why Miranda was even asking. But one look into the little moon’s eyes, and Titania was dismayed to realise her friend was worried about her. I’ve been slipping too much recently, of course she’s going to pick up on it. Stars, even Ariel’s been noticing. “I like it. The singer for Athena has a lovely voice.”

“Yes! I agree!” Miranda’s overly enthusiastic response earned her an odd look from Caelus, but she ignored the planet in favour of smiling at Titania. The larger moon smiled softly back, offering her other arm for the moon to sit beside her. Miranda snuggled in immediately, wrapping her own arm around Titania’s middle. Being surrounded on both sides felt a little restrictive, but she could tolerate it for her friends.

[ATHENA]

How can you see through my spell?

[ODYSSEUS, spoken]

Haha! I was lying and you fell for my bluff

Hahahaha

“Not terribly ‘goddess of wisdom’ of her. Falling for a bluff.” Ganymede snarked with a laugh, nudging Europa sitting at his side. 

“His laugh was far too smug. She should throw him out of orbit.” Europa suggested with a pointed look at Ganymede. The green-grey moon blanched and chuckled nervously. 

“Y-yeah, totally. Very disrespectful of him.” 

[ATHENA]

Well done, enlighten me, what's your name?

[ODYSSEUS]

You first, and maybe I'll do the same

[ATHENA]

Nice try, but two can play this game

“They aren’t going to do this the whole time, are they?” Caelus rolled his eyes with a deep sigh. “Snarking back and forth till the song ends.”

“That would be hilarious.” Neptune grinned in juxtaposition to his friend, waving one hand at the room. “Isn’t that exactly what we all do? That’s what the audience wants to see!”

“Mate, what the bloody hell are you talking about now?” Caelus stared incredulously at the blue planet. Titania couldn’t hold back her own frown of confusion. Neptune was nice enough, at least according to his moons, but she had to admit he was hard to understand at times. At least Caelus and him are getting along a little better. I was not looking forward to trying to fix that mess for them, even if Triton would've helped.

[ODYSSEUS, ENSEMBLE]

Nah, don't be modest

I know you're a goddess

So let's be honest

You are Athena (Athena)

Badass in the arena

Unmatched, witty, and queen of

The best strategies we've seen

“Flattery is certainly a smarter strategy than laughing at her.” Callisto drawled, her dark eyes roving over the small points of light scattered along the walls. “I suppose he must have had an idea of who was watching him all along.”

“G-good thing t-too, or h-he’d look m-mad! S-shouting at n-nothing!” Io added with a wheeze, leaning back to talk to the ice giants’ moons. “H-hey, Triton! W-what did A-athena say t-to Z-Zeus when s-she cracked o-out of his h-head?”

“...I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Triton sighed after a pause, his bemusement as clear as the sunglasses on his face. “What-?”

“Y-you’re getting o-on M-Minerva!” Io laughed, the volume increasing as Triton’s face twisted into an annoyed frown. 

“What are you talking about?” Titania shot at the volcanic moon, beyond lost by his words and attempt at a joke. “Why is Athena in Zeus’ head?”

“O-oh! Y-yeah, Jupiter t-told us t-this story a-ages ago!” He turned a wide-eyed, pleading look to the planet in question. “T-tell it a-again! P-please!”

“Very well, Io.” Jupiter nodded to the Galilean moon. “I’m impressed you even remembered it. It was quite a while ago, even by our standards.”

“And he used it to tell a stupid joke.” Europa grumbled, even as Jupiter launched into the story. “Using it for evil.”

“I believe it goes something like this.” The gas giant hummed, his voice calm and almost soothing. Titania forced down the jealousy stirring in her core. Did Caelus ever tell us stories? I can barely remember that far back. And his silly comics don't count, he doesn't read those aloud. “Zeus received a prophecy that told him his second child and first son from his currently pregnant wife, Metis, would be the one to overthrow him.”

“Zeus was married to Metis? That's so weird.” Amalthea side-eyed the little moon, who returned a scared and uncertain look. 

“Not our Metis, mythological Metis. Many of your names are from…less than ideal relations to my mythological counterpart.” Jupiter brushed over that aspect, despite the shared looks of dismay from his moons. “Anyway, in order to avert the prophecy, he decided to…eat Metis. Or at least swallow her.”

“Dude. This is beyond messed up.” Ganymede grimaced.

“But, even when he’d swallowed her, she was still able to have her child. And that child was a daughter named Athena.” Jupiter continued forward with the tale, and Titania could admit a level of intrigue now. Pretty cool origin story, born despite your mother being eaten. “Athena moved into Zeus' head, and once she was strong enough, she began to give Zeus headaches. Zeus didn’t appreciate this, so he had another god crack his skull open, and out popped Athena!”

“OK, this myth stuff is too wild for me.” Triton appeared mildly nauseated, turning away from the moons to face the front again. “Don’t tell me anything else that includes skull-breaking or weird organic stuff. I’m really not in the mood to hurl.”

“W-well, I t-thought my j-joke was f-funny at l-least.” Io smirked, sharing a smile with Jupiter. While the story was definitely disturbing, Titania could see some messed up kind of sense to it. Goddess of wisdom coming out of someone's head? That’s just ironic.

[ATHENA]

If you're looking for a mentor, I'll make sure your time's well spent

“So she did train him! I wonder what she taught him?” The Sun exclaimed happily. “How to be a ‘warrior of the mind’? What does that even mean?”

“Not being dumb? Maybe that was surprisingly rare in those times?” Mercury mused, his legs kicking into the air in front of his seat as he fiddled with some string he’d pulled off the bean bag. 

[ODYSSEUS]

Sounds like a plan

Goddess and man

Bestest of friends

“Most myths would disagree.” Astrodude muttered quietly, slowly unwrapping one of his arms from their vice-like grip around his knees. “Another goddess has, like, multiple myths about killing any man that even tries to disturb her.”

“She sounds cool. I wanna meet her.” Ariel whispered at Titania’s side, the little moon looking a little more relaxed than before and calming the older moon’s twisting core. Just spite her probably, the little moon raised her head and her voice to shout over to the Earthling. “WHAT’S THAT ONE CALLED?”

The little human jumped at the volume, but Titania didn’t move to correct Ariel. She knew the little moon would just keep doing it, regardless of her words, and she really didn't want to argue with her again.

“W-what? O-oh, um, Artemis. She’s the goddess of the wilderness and women and stuff like that.” Astrodude explained hastily, and unfortunately for him his words caught the attention of other listening moons. 

“She sounds awesome!” Larissa giggled, leaning over from her planet’s seat to see the Earthling. “Why don’t we have a planet named that either? We need more girl planets!”

“Um, well, she’s also sometimes the goddess of the Moon, so technically she does have a celestial body associated with her.” Astrodude revealed, glancing at the Earth’s moon as he spoke. Luna, for his part, just shrugged.

“Well, it’s not a name I’ve ever used, but she does sound cool.”

[ATHENA]

We'll see where it ends

[ODYSSEUS]

Okay

“Ouch.” Earth hissed through his teeth with an amused tone. “She didn’t have to shut him down like that. Dude just asked to be friends.”

“Well, from what we’ve heard so far, being friends with a god sounds like an awful idea.” Mars pointed out carefully, turning a grin to the living planet. “But, maybe they’ll be different?”

“You don’t sound very optimistic.” Earth gave him a quizzical look.

“I’m not.”

[ATHENA]

Maybe one day they'll follow me and we'll

[ODYSSEUS & ATHENA]

Make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see

I know we'll change the world

'Cause we are the warriors of the mind

Maybe one day we'll reach them

And we can build their skills as we teach them

If there's a problem, we'll have the answer

We are the warriors of the mind

“Sounds like they want everyone else to listen to them.” Eris murmured lowly to her friends. “Kinda egotistical, thinking you have all the answers.”

“Well, they do appear to be much smarter than the rest. That Troy horse plan, for instance, is absolute genius!" Makemake recalled with a touch of awe. “Using his enemies' beliefs about their gods against them! And in such an absurd package!”

“Hm, well, I still think it’s a bit bold of them.” The pale dwarf planet huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “They make a good duet, though.”

“Y-yeah! I like how she’s singing more like him in the second bit.” Haumea mentioned, seemingly bursting at the seams to bring this up. “She’s singing ‘mind’ differently!”

“Huh? I’ll have to listen better, I don’t think I caught that.” Makemake smiled at the ringed dwarf planet, who beamed back. “I imagine it’s to reflect their teaming up.”

[ATHENA]

I still intend to make sure you don't fall behind

Don't forget that you're a warrior of a very special kind

You are a warrior of the mind

“See! She sang it long, like Ody did!” Haumea jumped up to exclaim, then appeared to realise the whole room was looking at him. He shrank back into the bean bag and whispered, “Sorry.”

“That’s quite alright, Haumea.” Iapetus offered the dwarf planet a kind smile. “It’s an interesting observation, and I’m sure the room is happy to hear about it. No need to be sorry.”

“O-oh, okay, thanks!”

Don't disappoint me

“Ominous ending, but at least she’s stopped shouting at him for just being a bit nicer.” Mars shuffled the two small moons on his lap, carefully moving them from one leg to the other so he could stretch the limb out. 

“I doubt she’s done with it. If he keeps being nice, she’s going to shout at him again.” Mercury concluded, listening to the last few notes of the song. 

“I hope she does!” Phobos piped up from his planet’s seat. “I like her voice! I want her to sing again!”

“I’m sure she’ll be back.” Astrodude grimaced, staring at the screen. “She’s very involved with Odysseus’ journey later on.”

“Yay!”

SONG ENDS

The screen, which had been showing the same image for so long now Titania had it imprinted into her eyeballs, suddenly shifted. The new painting was far darker, almost entirely black, with one huge, red eye taking up the entire screen. The iris was lit like fire, turning the room an ire crimson. At the bottom of the image, text proclaimed this to be ‘The Cyclops Saga’. Titania felt a shiver pass through her and her fellow moons.

“What the Stars is that supposed to be? What’s a cyclops?” Caelus sounded just as unnerved by the massive glowing eye, his notepad clenched tight in his hands. 

“A monster, usually a large humanoid with one single eye in the centre of its head.” The Earthling explained, his own gaze lingering on the dark pupil. “There's quite a few in the myths, but the one Odysseus meets is probably the most famous.”

“A monster? So Ody’s going to be facing a fight?” Ganymede frowned at the idea, “So much for ‘open arms’ and putting weapons down.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘POLYTHEMUS’ 

“Polyphemus?” Jupiter read aloud, a wary tone to his voice. “I do not recognise that name, but the meaning behind the name seems odd for a monster.”

“What does it mean?” Saturn followed up, “Do we even know it’s a name?”

“I can’t imagine what else it could be.” Jupiter returned, then explained, “It means something along the lines of ‘very famous’ or ‘many voices’. I do not know what that could mean for the attitude of the monster itself.”

“Polyphemus?” Neptune was muttering to himself again, his oldest moon glancing up with a frown. “That sounds familiar? Like I’ve heard it before.”

“I think you just read it a minute ago. Or heard Jupiter say it.” Triton dismissed, facing the front again just in time to catch a way-ward moon from slipping off the bean bag. “It’s probably not important. A little help?”

“Hm, maybe.” Neptune exchanged his puzzled look for his classic wide grin, swiftly plucking the little moon up and away from the edge Triton had been trying to pull them away from. “Let’s all stay in one place, shall we?”

“OK Neptune!” The little moons chorused back.

-Bow shot-

[ODYSSEUS]

Over here!

“What was that noise? What got hit?” Oberon sat up from his lean against Caelus’ lap, tilting his head to the sounds. The sound had been uncomfortably wet, and the rush of air rang before it put Titania in mind of something moving very fast.

“I think he hit something with a bow.” Earth turned to the Earthling present for a nod of agreement. “It’s a weapon humans have used for a while now. It basically uses the tension from a bent length of wood strung end to end to propel an arrow.”

“It sounds like he hit a sheep. That’s what was making the bleating noise at the start.” Astrodude joined onto the Earth’s explanation. “It’s food.”

“It sounded alive.” Oberon scrunched his face up as he spoke. “Are they killing any more? I thought he was being nice?”

“Um, well, killing a sheep isn't really the same as killing a human baby?” Astrodude nervously tried to explain. Titania couldn’t help a snort of amusement at his anxious disposition and lacklustre answer. 

“Why?” She asked, watching his eyes as he struggled to find an answer. Looking to his planet didn’t help; Earth was eyeing him as well, seemingly curious as to what he would say. She reiterated her point. “Why is the sheep’s death less important than the baby’s?”

“I-I’m r-really not the guy to be asking that sort of question to.” The human stammered out, leaning away from his planet’s stare. “I-I mean, I honestly have no idea why we think like that, but human lives almost always get put above other animals. It’s just the way we usually frame things? I-I’m sure some people disagree, and a lot of humans don’t even eat meat anymore because of it. And others just don’t think about it too much. M-maybe it’s just how we rationalize being omnivorous and sapient at the same time?”

“Humans are weird.” Ariel’s unhelpful addendum was the only reply Astrodude received. 

While the rest of the room exchanged confused or disturbed glances, Titania found herself connecting the human’s words uncomfortably to her own observations of the Solar System. Sure, it wasn’t to the extent of casual killing for food, but planets still dismissed the struggles of moons far more easily than they did their own. And maybe that had been improving, but the memory of her own planet joking about her death so casually still echoed in her mind when she dived too deep. If they had to destroy us for survival, would they? They destroy asteroids easily enough, and those are only an orbital change away from becoming moons anyway.

[POLITES]

Look at all this food, look at all these sheep

I can't believe this cave has all this for us to keep

[EURYLOCHUS]

I've gotta hand it to you both, this is quite the treat

There are enough sheep here to feed the entire fleet

“600 men? How many sheep are there?” Luna’s bemused question turned Titania’s attention back to the song. “How big are sheep, again?”

“I’m not as worried about how many sheep there are, as I am about why so many sheep are in a cave.” Earth observed, “Sheep are domesticated, they don’t really do too well without a caretaker of some kind, and they definitely don’t live in caves.”

“Oh? So the sheep have someone?” Luna grimaced at the implications. “And now they’ve killed at least one. That’s going to annoy whoever cares for them.”

“Yep.”

[ODYSSEUS]

It's almost too perfect, too good to be true

Why would the lotus eaters pass up on all this food?

“See, Ody’s not stupid. He’s already suspicious.” Venus smirked, his voice just loud enough for Titania to catch.

“Not suspicious enough to stop his men from killing that sheep, though." Mars tutted, shaking his head in dismay. “I can’t see this ending well.”

“Well, the music did just get very ominous.” Mercury pointed out, pausing to let the song resume. The harsh spike of noise filled the dark room.

[POLYPHEMUS]

Who are you?

The sudden, loud, distorted voice ran a shiver through Titania and the moons pressed up against her. Behind her, Caelus nearly dropped his notepad at the unexpected sound, his whispered mutterings obscured by the eruption of dismayed voices around the room.

“What. Is. That?” The Sun ground out, recovering from his surprise to turn the question on the Earthling. Titania couldn’t avoid noticing that the little human was looking more and more tired as this went on.

“I-I’d guess it’s Polyphemus.” He revealed. “And I suppose the distorted voice is because he’s huge. Much bigger than any human, at least.”

“But with only one eye? He must have terrible depth perception.” The star shook his head with a huff. “Well, I wonder how Ody’s going to explain his little murder to a ‘higher being’, as you humans say!”

“I don’t think that applies to cyclopes.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Hey there!

We're just travellers

We come in peace

“You broke into its house and killed its animal.” Callisto rolled her eyes hard at Odysseus’ words. “And you’re hardly travellers. There's 600 of you and 12 ships.”

“I’m surprised you’ve been paying that much attention, Callisto.” Ganymede teased, then sobered as he considered the situation. “At least he’s trying to sound nice. He’s offering peace.”

“That doesn’t mean a lot when you’ve already wronged someone.” Callisto replied testily.

“They didn’t know! How were they supposed to know a massive monster was guarding these sheep.” Ganymede countered back, furrowing his brows in thought. “If we really think about it, it’s those lotus eaters’ fault. They sent Ody here without that crucially important detail!"

“What, after he threatened them and had to be talked down by Polites?” Callisto smirked at the scowl of frustration Ganymede shot back.

[POLYPHEMUS]

You killed my sheep

My favouritе sheep

What gives you the right to deal a pain so deep

“Are we supposed to be on the cyclops' side?” Miranda muttered into her ear, startling Titania from her staring. She dragged her gaze from the Saturnian system to consider her fellow moon. “Poly’s got a point. They did kill his sheep.”

“And his favourite sheep!” Oberon exclaimed with a quivering voice. “Oh, he’s not going to let them leave, is he?”

“Doesn’t sound like it.” Titania tried not to picture what a huge, hulking behemoth with such a menacing eye could do to a group of small humans like Astrodude. I know I’d be petrified, faced with a foe I’m powerless against. But maybe this is how that sheep felt, and now the humans are feeling some karma? Either way, I don’t want to hear about more deaths.

Don't you know that pain you sow is pain you rеap?

“This monster is oddly wise.” Saturn frowned, casting a worried glance towards Jupiter. “I would not have thought such a beast would be so insightful.”

“It’s certainly an interesting philosophy.” The largest planet agreed to his friend, “I wonder if he truly follows it, however. Will he demand an equal price for the sheep’s life, or something more?”

“I think he’s just going to kill them.” Planet X mused from the back, but his words lacked any real venom or energy. “That’s how this stuff goes.”

Time to drink

Your blood over where you stand

Your life now is in my hand

Before I'm done

You will learn that it's not so fun to take

You came to my home to steal

But now you'll become my meal

“Worse. He’s going to eat them.” Caelus grimaced at the descriptions of Polyphemus’ plan. “Oh, yuck! I’m actually kind of glad we don’t have to watch this as well as hear about it.”

“He immediately accused them of stealing, and didn’t even give them a chance to explain!” Ariel grumbled, her shuffling movements digging into Titania’s side uncomfortably. “What about all the other guys who didn’t shoot a sheep? Are they getting eaten too?”

“It doesn’t sound like Polyphemus cares much for individual blame in this situation.” The calm voice of Iapetus sounded from the Saturnian moons, drawing Titania’s attention back to them. The two-tone moon was sitting next to Titan, who was in turn surrounded by the other major moons of his group. Her core bubbled. “He seems to think he’s teaching them a lesson.”

“Bit of a useless lesson if they’ll be dead by the end of it.” Titan added, his own gaze meeting hers for a few precious seconds. She internally scowled at the blush that rose to her surface, turning her head away as casually as she could manage. Her core was beating faster than she’d like, and pressed up against her fellow moons she was sure they would feel it too. Get it together! You know it can’t work out, ignore him for Stars sake.

A trade, you see?

Take from you like you took from me

“It’s curious that he probably thinks this is actually a reasonable trade.” Makemake mused aloud, his glasses glinting in the low light as Titania twisted her head to see the speaker. “If he valued the sheep’s life above the humans, he probably would only accept multiple deaths in exchange. A fascinating conflict of values.”

“Or he’s just looking to get the most out of a free meal that walks into his home.” Eris snarked beside him, her own expression far more closed off. She leaned over to peer closer at the Earthling sitting on the bean bag in the row ahead of them. “Say, human, why is the cyclops eating them? You said you’d heard this story before.”

“I-I have, but this part happens very differently in the epic.” Astrodude tapped a finger to his chin as he tried to recall the details. “For starters, they don’t kill his sheep immediately. They just enter his cave and try to claim xenia.”

“What?”

“It’s a belief the Greeks held. If someone asks for hospitality, you are supposed to treat them with kindness and generosity, and they are supposed to respect your home and property in return. It was a common thing in those days.” Astrodude revealed, shrugging as he added, “But, um, clearly in this version Odysseus has already violated it by killing the sheep, so they can’t really ask for it now.”

[ODYSSEUS]

There's been a misunderstanding

We never came here to steal

“Arguable, but go ahead.” The Sun frowned, his burning eyes fixed onto the red glow of the screen’s own eye. “Explain yourself.”

But now that I see we've done some damage

Maybe you and I can make a deal

I'll give you our finest treasure

So long as we leave alive

You can keep the world's best tasting wine

“Wine? He’s offering wine for the sheep?” Mars paused and turned to Earth, “Wait, what’s wine?”

“Uh, fermented grape juice? But that probably doesn’t help if you don’t know what grapes or fermentation is.” Earth laughed, only to quiet down after a glare from Mars. “OK, you know I said humans really, really like finding things that can poison them? Well, they found a fungus that loves to grow in sugary environments, like rotting fruit such as grapes. And it produces a chemical that basically poisons them in such a low amount that they don’t usually die, just get a bunch of funny symptoms like dizziness and confusion. They love the stuff!”

“It’s really starting to sound like the humans are just bored at this point, dude. Making poisons for fun? That is concerningly weird behaviour.” Mars shivered, dislodging his two little moons from their perches on his knees. “And that stuff is worth the death of a sheep?”

“Maybe? Depends on how much value Polyphemus places on wine, and sheep I suppose.” Earth cocked his head to look down at Astrodude as he asked, “Why does he even have wine anyway? I thought they were out of supplies.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure they got it from some other island earlier on. This musical didn’t mention it.” Astrodude offered his limited remembrance of the tale. “It was a gift from some priest, I think, for sparing his family in a raid.”

“Wait. He raided another island? Before this one?” 

“Yep.”

[POLYPHEMUS]

Wine?

[ODYSSEUS]

Have a drink

One sip and you'll understand

The power that's in your hands

A wine so fresh

You'd never wanna eat human flesh again

“That stuff sounds good!” Deimos, having clawed his way back onto Mars’ knee, raised his head to stare at his planet. “Can we have some? Please!”

“Not even a little bit.” The red planet vehemently shook his head at the idea. “And don’t go asking Earth or Luna for any. I’m not letting you guys drink poison.”

“It won’t be poison for us, we’re rocks!” Phobos argued, but the planet’s glare quelled any further attempts to persuade him.

“At least Ody is trying to offer some compensation.” Mercury glanced at the Sun side-on, trying to judge his reaction. “That’s something, isn’t it?”

“...I suppose.” The star responded doubtfully, a puzzled look on his face. “I’m just not sure if the cyclops will accept it. It doesn’t seem like enough to re-pay a life, but maybe ‘wine’ is something very special indeed.” 

Then we shall be on our way

No bloodshed in here today

A trade, you see?

A gift from you and a gift from me

“It’s not really a gift if he didn’t choose to give it in the first place.” Dione huffed, her voice rising from the moons sitting around the ringed giant. “But, I can see what he’s trying to do, even if I don’t think it’ll work.”

“What’s he trying to do, Dione?” Tethys asked, his body tense as they listened to the song. 

“He’s trying to re-frame the situation. Like Polyphemus did before, he’s talking about it as if it’s fair and right.” Dione’s assessment sounded right, but Titania couldn’t help but suspect that crafty Odysseus was planning something else. But what? What does giving the monster wine do for him?

[POLYPHEMUS]

Ah, I'd like to thank you

Stranger, what's your name?

“Oh? He likes it?” Neptune smiled, looking relieved as he listened, shoulders drifting into a more relaxed position. “That’s unexpected! That wine must be magical or something!”

“The tense music isn’t gone.” One of the moons noted, her voice high pitched and nervous. “Why does it still sound scary?”

“Well, it’s still a scary situation, isn't it?” Neptune offered, lifting the little moon up into a hug. “I know I wouldn’t want to be facing such a scary sounding guy, even if he liked my gift!”

“Oh, okay!”

[ODYSSEUS]

My name is Nobody, Nobody, Nobody

“Lier.” Titania muttered under her breath, confused as to why he would lie about something so simple. This man is trickier than I thought, and I can’t even see how! “Why lie about that? And Nobody is hardly a name at all!”

“Why tell the truth?” Callisto countered, her dark eyes finding her across the room. “He has no good reason to be honest about personal information, does he? So, why not lie?”

“OK, maybe, but why lie so badly? Nobody isn’t a name.” Titania replied, turning the speckled moon’s words over in her mind. He’s trying to avoid this being tied to his name? But why? Is attacking the cyclops something that’ll get backlash? 

“Maybe it is? Earthlings are weird.” Callisto dismissed, her dulled voice back in full force as she lost interest in the questions. “Either way, we’ll learn more if we just listen, can’t we?”

“Sure.” The Caeluian moon absentmindedly sent back, still trying to fit the pieces together in her mind. I’m missing something. Some important detail.    

[POLYPHEMUS]

Nobody, for your gift I've one to reply

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm so glad we see eye to eye

“Low blow, Ody.” Mimas called out loudly, glaring at the screen with his own singular eye. 

“Not really the time to be making smart comments.” Rhea shook her head in dismay at Odysseus’ reply. “Especially when the cyclops is being so nice! Another gift!”

[POLYPHEMUS]

Yes, you shall be the final man to die

“What?”

“But-?”

“It was that snarky comment, wasn’t it! I knew he should've kept his mouth shut!”

“That’s really not a gift.” Ariel’s offended tone brought a small smile to Titania’s lips, the underwhelming reaction in harsh contrast to the room igniting a morbid amusement in her.

“Yes, I think he would have preferred another sheep, maybe.” Titania added, nudging the smaller moon. Ariel lit up at her comment, grinning ear to ear at the moon. “Are you enjoying this story so far?”

“Yep! It’s really hard to understand some of the parts, ‘cause I don’t know much about Earthlings, but the characters are fun!” Ariel replied happily, pressing harder against Titania in a sideways hug. “Are you having fun too? Even though some of it is scary?”

“I-I think so.” She scrambled for a reply, having not considered the question might be turned onto her. Ariel was usually more likely to talk your head off before asking a follow-up question. “I liked Athena, and I’m enjoying trying to predict the plot ahead of time. I don’t think it’s going well, though.”

[ODYSSEUS]

What?

Watch out!

“Yikes. That didn’t sound good.” Pluto’s quiet voice echoed around the room, summing up the majority of reactions. That did not sound good at all.

“A-are they gonna have to fight him?” Haumea shivered, his nervous eyes meeting Makemake’s beside him. “How are they gonna beat s-such a big monster?”

“My dear Haumea, I’m sure they’ll find a way.” Makemake tipped his glasses back into position with one hand. “That’s how stories work. The good guys beat the monster in the end, even if it takes a bit of time.”

“I hope it doesn't take too long.” Charon complained, leaning against Ceres as the little dwarf planet fiddled with some string they’d acquired from somewhere, giggling softly to themselves. “Fights are boring! Aren’t they, Ceres?”

“Ha hah ha!”

SONG ENDS

“On to the next one?” Jupiter asked the room, receiving a litany of anxious and excited looks in response. “Well, no point waiting around then.”

Titania moved her arms to more firmly hold around Miranda and Ariel, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Umbriel do the same with Oberon and the little moons. As they made eye-contact, Titania couldn’t fight the urge to smile at Umbriel’s barely contained excitement at the idea of a fight. The title that swam onto the screen only increased Titania’s surety that the dark moon would get her wish. At least she’s having fun as well.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘SURVIVE’

[ENSEMBLE]

Po-ly-phe-mus

Po-ly-phe-mus

“That felt like it bled right into the next one. If I listened to them back-to-back, I’m not sure I’d realise they were different songs.” Astrodude exclaimed in mild surprise, taking in the background noise of faint chanting and the roar of the cyclops. 

“This is so scary!” Yelped a small moon on Saturn’s lap, turning his head away to bury it in the gas giant’s side. “Tell me when it’s over?”

“Of course.” Saturn smiled down at the moon, using one hand to gently cover the little satellite's head and aid his efforts to block out the noise.

[ODYSSEUS]

My brothers

The rest of our fleet

They wait at the beach

And if we're defeated, they're good as dead

Straight ahead, that is who we're fighting

“Did they forget?” Venus snarked, but quickly fell silent under a glare from Jupiter. The gas giant was listening intently to the lyrics.

“I assume he only brought a handful of men into the cave with him, then? If the rest are still at the boats.” Jupiter noted, his question unanswered as the song barrelled on.

[ENSEMBLE]

Po-ly-phe-mus

“That backing noise is creepy.” Galatea whispered, her head turned towards Triton rather than the bright red screen. “I can’t tell what it’s saying.”

“Polyphemus.” Neptune’s distracted mutter drew her eyes up, and the blue ice giant seemed startled by his own words. “At least, I think? I’m not sure, that name is just hard to get out of my head. I am certain I’ve heard it before!”

“Why are they chanting his name?” Galatea followed up, politely ignoring Neptune’s rambling. “And who is doing it?”

“I think it’s just for dramatic effect, Galatea.” Triton replied, his voice quiet in the waiting silence of the room. “Let’s keep listening, and maybe we’ll find out.”

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

No backup, no chance for support

So draw out your swords

Our foe must be thwarted right here and now

Show me how great is your will to survive

“I like Ody’s battle speeches, he always seems to keep his instructions clear while still making the soldiers aware of the threat.” Earth commented, his head tilting to look at Astrodude with a grin. “I can think of a few commanders from the past that could’ve used a bit of Ody’s skills, eh?”

“Y-you’d know more about that than me, Earth.” The human smiled back uncomfortably, “I-I’m not really into history.”

“Oh? But you know all these myths?” Luna asked, also turning to the Earthling.

“Myths, not real historical events. It’s a different college minor altogether!” He emphasized to his planet and moon. “I only took that class ‘cause it looked like more fun than memorising a bunch of dates!”

Six hundred lives at stake

It's just one life to take

And when we kill him then our journey's over

No dying on me now

Defeat is not allowed

We must live through this day so

Fight, fight, fight

“ Is their journey over after this?” The Sun frowned sceptically, his gaze still fixed onto the screen as he tried to follow the action in the music. “That was quick.”

“It’s not over. It’s basically barely begun.” Astrodude straightened his back as the battle cry from Odysseus rang around the room, his voice clearer in an attempt to be heard over the cries of fighting.

Surround him, (surround him)

Attack from behind, keep distance in mind

And stay in his blindspot and strike his heels, (strike the heels)

Show him that we're deadly

“Smart. But it does make them sound like annoying little bugs nipping at Poly’s legs.” Caelus grimaced at the idea, his notepad open and laid on one knee. Titania leaned over slightly to peek at it, spotting a few sketchy renditions of a large humanoid with one eye, looming over a collection of stick-figure men. It was always worth it to get a glimpse of the mess sketches during these sessions, her planet was often forced to skip details in favour of basic shapes and movements, lending an almost frantic energy to the drawings.

“Probably the best they can do in this situation.” Titania voiced, wary to be the one initiating conversation with her planet. Her previous coldness towards Caelus running at the forefront of her mind.

Luckily, the ice giant just seemed happy to hear her speak, offering her a familiar awkward grin. “I suppose, mate. It’s still funny to picture, though?”

“Yeah.” She replied to his hesitant question with an uncertain answer of her own. The two shared a few more seconds of eye-contact, before Caelus broke in to face his notepad again. Titania tried not to feel annoyed. 

As she also returned her gaze to the front of the room, she found herself pondering the issues over and over again. They’d been making progress, especially after that first documentary, but then the whole mess with X took them a few steps back and neither of them seemed to know how to move forward again. He was a nervous wreck at the best of times, caught between trying to fix things with Neptune or attempting to connect more with his moons. She almost suspected his renewed desperation to befriend them was stemming from the break with X. Her planet had found a new friend, had believed he was a true one, and instead nearly lost his oldest friend and the trust of the Solar System. It’s not as bad as it could have been, I guess. He at least drew the line at attacking the Sun.

Meanwhile, her festering resentment towards the moon-planet system had only grown, and despite her love for Caelus, she couldn’t help but be stifled by his clumsy attempt to be a better planet. She wanted freedom, the ability to roam as she wished with no orbit to bind her. And she wasn’t stupid; she knew even planets were restricted in this system. So, what she really wanted was change. Solar System wide change. Change that even the laws of physics fought against. But that sounded too much like Planet X for her to voice it, so instead she stayed quiet, chaffing under the ropes and trying very hard not to bite her agitators. I don’t even know what I want at this point, but I know I can’t keep living like this.

Exhaust him, (exhaust him)

Don't let him get close, he's strong but he's slow

He can't land a blow if we're out of reach

Find a breach

Stand up and fight for your lives

“Humans are scary.” Saturn shivered, eyeing the Earth across the room. “He came up with that plan so fast, noticed all the monster’s weaknesses, and the rest are so quick to implement it.”

“It definitely sounds like it could be an effective way to beat a larger enemy, but I really wouldn’t know from experience.” Jupiter agreed, a far more curious glint to the other gas giant’s eye. The living planet proudly raised his human up, against his will judging by the struggling, for the room to see.

“Yep! That’s humans for yah! They’re amazing pack hunters and can take down almost anything with enough space and tools.” Earth grinned, only lowering the Earthling when Astrodude looked likely to puke. “Sorry, dude. I just wanted to show everyone how cool you guys can be!”

“Um, maybe don’t use that particular fun fact?” Luna suggested, placing the floppy human back into his spot on their bean bag. “Isn’t that exactly why they caused the extinction of all those animals?”

“Yeah, but it’s still fascinating how good they are at it.” Earth countered testily, poking the little human when he lay still for a bit too long. “Are you OK, Astrodude?”

“-I’m-yeah, I’m all good…ugh.” He got out, lifting a hand to offer some kind of finger signal to the planet. Earth appeared happy enough to take this as assurance of his state, and turned back to the screen to keep listening.

[SOLDIERS, ODYSSEUS]

Six hundred lives at stake

It's just one life to take

And when we kill him then our journey's over

Push forward

No dying on us now

Defeat is not allowed

We must live through this day so

Fight, fight, fight

“Yeah! Get him!” Ariel cheered, grinned excitedly at the chaos and noise. “Show him who’s got the better depth perception!"

“Ariel. That’s really not relevant to the fight.” Caelus sighed, tapping a pen against his knee in nervous anticipation. “He’s still bigger than them. He can still do some damage if they’re not careful.”

“But they have a plan! A smart one! From a warrior of the mind!” Ariel bounced, her smile only growing at the begrudgingly amused look Caelus gave her. Titania found herself more interested in the sign of improvement from Caelus. His acknowledgement of the size difference sticking in her head as a win. If only all the planets could see it, and actually feel it!

[Club smash, body drops]

[POLITES]

Captain…

[POLYPHEMUS]

Enough

The room froze as the sound reverberated around the small space, the low voice contrasting harshly with the weak whisper of the human. The thud that had echoed after that wet sound pulsed in her ears, the plea only cementing what she suspected that happened. It only took one hit.

“...is Polites okay?” The quiet question drew her attention down to Ferdinand, who was now clinging to Umbriel and staring into her face for an answer. The dark moon only shook her head, tightening her arms around the little moon. 

“They can still save him, can’t they?” Luna asked his planet, nervously picking at the bean bag and threatening to dislodge the human sitting beside him. “If they get him healed? That’s a thing Earthlings can do, isn’t it?”

“It-it has limitations, Luna. Especially back then. I-I doubt they can do anything in time, if he’s even alive for much longer.” Earth reluctantly explained, avoiding looking at the human sitting beside him, as if his imagination would mark the wounds he was picturing onto this other Earthling. “I knew the cyclopes would kill a few men, but Polites? We barely met him.”

“Maybe that means he’ll be alright, then?” Saturn offered optimistically, wringing his hands in worry. “If he’s a major character, why would they kill him so soon?”

“I-I don’t think so, Saturn. That sounded pretty final to me.” Mars shuffled in his seat, trying to position his moons more comfortably as they pressed up against him in fear. Saturn worried his lip as he faced Jupiter, but the other gas giant only offered a hand shake to his silent question.

[Club smash]

[SOLDIER]

He's got a club...

He's got a club!

[Club smash]

“More dead? How many are going to die?” The Sun frowned, steam rising tellingly from his burning form. “You said you knew there would be casualties. How many die?”

“Um, well, this whole fight goes down very differently in the version I’ve read.” The human finally spoke up again, seemingly recovered from his planet’s man-handling (literally). “In that version, he eats six men over the course of a day and two nights. They basically get stuck in his cave for a while and he picks them off.”

“Ugh, ‘eats’ them? You Earthlings are so gross.” The star shivered, shaking out his golden hair and straightening his back. “You really should stop that, it’s unbecoming for reasonable beings.”

“Sorry?” The human apologized in confusion, sharing a look with his planet, who only offered a smile of amusement in reply. “It’s kind of how all Life on Earth works, except most plants, I guess? And maybe a few bacteria? Eating other lifeforms is natural for us.”

“Don’t bother, Astrodude. I’ve already tried to explain the concept to him. He’s just being sensitive.” Earth laughed, only to shrink back as the star whirled around to shout across the room.

“I’LL SHOW YOU SENSITIVE!"

[SOLDIER]

What are our orders?

Captain? Captain!

[Three club smashes]

“Why isn’t he speaking? They need new orders!” Tethys panicked, turning in a tight circle between Titan and Rhea. “He’s gotta make a new plan! They’re getting killed!”

“I-I don’t think he has one.” Titan frowned in dismay, his jaw clenched at the thought. “Maybe he can’t beat this?”

“He’ll find a way, I’m sure.” Rhea whispered, “I-I don’t want any more humans dying in this.”

“You might be out of luck, then.” Hyperion muttered under his breath, ignoring the jap from the larger moon. 

[POLYPHEMUS]

You've hurt me enough [Club smash]

Six hundred lives I'll take [Club smash]

Six hundred lives I'll break [Club smash]

And when I kill you then my pain [Club smash] is over

“Nice of the beast to mimic their previous verse, rhyming and all, while he mercilessly beats them.” Planet X’s mouth twitched, but his shoulders remained as slumped as they had been since the last documentary. 

While the room pointedly ignored the ice giant, Titania caught her planet casting a pinched glance his way. She knew well and good that Caelus was still struggling to let go of his friendship with X, not at all helped by the relative lack of action from the rest of the system. The issues X’s coup had raised hadn’t gone away. Some were being worked on, like the moon-planet relations and the ‘here and there’ introduction of voting. But the main issues, the issues of orbits and inclusion, still smarted. These outings helped, sure, but not much. Those wounds were old, older than most of the moons, and even Titania didn’t know the extent of Uranus' hurt. He attached to him so fast…was he really that desperate for connection?

And that was another thing, the name issue. She had been pretty good at sticking to the new one, but she still slipped at times and it hurt to see her planet look so conflicted whenever she corrected herself. With some of the smaller moons, he didn’t even bother, just let them call him Uranus again without comment or argument. It was like he’d lost his fire for the issue, as if he’d run out of energy to dedicate to the task. It probably wasn’t helped by the fact X of all planets was the one to give him that name. I need to talk to him about this properly. All of it.

[Club smash]

You're dying here and now [Club smash]

Escape is not allowed [Club smash]

You won't live through this day [Club smash] now die

Die…[Words fade abruptly, huge body falls]

“Wooh, what? What happened?” Mercury’s question reflected the rest of the room’s. Titania sat straighter, her curiosity and hope mixing painfully in her core. Did they do it? Did they find a way to kill it?

“Is Poly dead?” Miranda whispered, her head rising from between her arms where she’d been hiding from the sounds. “Are they safe?”

“I-I’m not sure.” Titania admitted, glancing around the room to see similar expressions of bemusement. “It sounds like he just…fell over?”

“Why, though?” Venus reiterated, “He was winning. What did they do?”

“I suppose we will find out in the next song.” Jupiter’s thoughtful frown was pinched as he considered the screen. “This one appears to be over just as abruptly as the last one.”

SONG ENDS

“Still in the cyclopes saga, then?” Mars muttered when the screen remained unchanged. His little moons finally began to raise their heads from his side to look up at him. 

“Is the scary part over yet?” Phobos asked, “Did they stop fighting?"

“I think so, but we’re not too sure just yet.” Luna informed them, his own anxiety evident in the tension of his shoulders. “Let’s listen to the next one and find out.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘REMEMBER THEM’

“Not a super hopeful title.” Pluto mumbled, taking a second to hear the tinny backing track that began to fill the room. A more urgent, frantic beat soon overtook it, but the slow start stood out in Titania’s mind.

“Who are they remembering?” Quaoar questioned, twisting in their seat to settle more comfortably beside the other dwarf planets. “I thought they were killing a cyclops?”

“...the soldiers that didn’t survive, maybe?” Haumea speculated nervously, his eyes drawn to the floor. “Polites? He definitely shouldn’t forget his friend.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain!

Captain!

Captain!

“Is Ody panicking?” Mercury frowned as the voice faded in slowly, as if Odysseus was hearing it through some obstructing medium. The slow increase in volume at least gave Titania a chance to listen more to the backing track. It’s still tense. There’s still danger, even with the cyclops out of commission.

“He needs to get it together, then. His men need to take advantage of whatever happened to the cyclops and get out of there!” Venus insisted, hands clenched along the edges of his seat, and the frustration in his voice mirrored Titania’s. She understood that his situation was dire, but he had others depending on him, he couldn’t afford to slip even a little bit. Slip and they get hurt.

[ODYSSEUS]

We must move quickly, we don't have much time

He didn't notice I mixed lotus in his wine

Mark my words now, this is not the end

“He did WHAT?” The Sun turned to the ceiling with renewed interest, his gaze intense as he mulled the words over. “Crafty Earthling, very crafty.”

Crafty indeed. Titania grinned internally, in awe of the quick thinking Odysseus must have used to create such a plan on the fly. To remember to bring the wine. To think to take some lotus from the island. And to hide it so well the enemy had no idea until it was too late. This guy sure is a ‘warrior of the mind’.

“The wine was poisoned from the start!” Makemake grinned wildly at the reveal. “Oh, I wish I could write this stuff down! It's an amazing inspiration for story ideas!”

“B-but, doesn’t that mean he offered poisoned wine as a gift? He wasn’t trying to make peace?” The confused voice of Proteus rose from the Neptunian moon pile, the little moon sporting a tiny frown. Triton heaved a sigh before replying.

“Look, kid, he was faced with a huge monster that would’ve most likely eaten his crew. He had to do something.” The larger moon considered his words for a second before continuing carefully. “Maybe he did hope the gift would lead to peace, in which case they’d be away before Poly noticed, but having a backup plan is better.”

“S-still, it was lying. He lied, or at least deliberately left stuff out.” Proteus insisted, his mouth turning down as he got more upset about the idea. “Lying is bad! Poisoning people is bad!-” 

“Killing is bad.” Planet X interrupted from across the room, ignoring the immediate glare Triton sent his way at the sound of his voice. “Would you rather he not poison the wine? Let more of his men die? All because it’s ‘wrong to lie’?”

“I-I-It’s still wrong…” Proteus mumbled now, turning away from the dark ice giant to curl against his own planet, who was trying very hard not to copy his oldest moon at that moment. “I don’t like this main character, he’s mean.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

But captain, what'll we do with our fallen friends?

[ODYSSEUS, ODYSSEUS & SOLDIERS]

Remember them

“I think Eury was talking more literally than that." Luna grimaced, sighing out a breath as he did. “Are they just going to leave the bodies there? To be eaten?”

“What else can they do?” Astrodude asked rhetorically, adding in a softer tone, “They can’t bury them before Polyphemus wakes, and they can’t run away fast enough while carrying them. Leaving them and remembering them is the best they can do.”

“Still, it feels…wrong? I mean, we’re not affected by deaths as often as you Earthlings are, but when we are, we usually take comfort in the fact their bodies will become new things in the future.” Mars added, his voice low and solemn as he tried to explain the disconnect he felt. “That probably sounds messed up to you Earthlings, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. Some humans actually believe something similar, and take comfort in it too. In the end, even if we bury, burn, or get eaten, we are returned to the cycles of the planet and Life.” Astrodude assured the red planet, surprising Titania with his sincerity. “I guess we’re more similar than I thought!”

“Yeah, maybe.” Mars smiled, then shot him a bemused look, “Wait, you burn your dead?”

“Ah, well, it saves space?” Astrodude went back to avoiding the red planet’s eyes. “We’re kind of running out of graveyard plots.” 

“You Earthlings are so, so weird.”

When the fire begins to fade

For the fallen and afraid

We are not to let them die in vain

Remember them

We're the ones who carry on

The flames of those who've gone

And our comrades will not die in vain

“At least his men seem willing to keep following him despite the deaths.” Iapetus mused, listening to the rising cry of the soldiers as they joined a few of the lines. “I suppose his trickery with the wine has restored some faith in them?”

“Let’s hope so. I don’t wanna know what happens if his soldiers stop listening to him in important situations like this.” Dione’s mouth twitched into a frown. “He’s clearly the only one here with any intelligence.”

“Polites was nice, though?” Tethys disputed with a confused tone. “He seemed quite intelligent too!”

“Not intelligent enough to dodge a club.” Enceladus snarkily pointed out, only to be quelled by Dione’s returning glare. “Sorry…but it’s still true. His two attempts at ‘open arms’ ended in almost getting poisoned and then getting flattened by a cyclops.”

“All that aside, I do wonder how things will play out, now that he is dead. Odysseus only has Eurylochus left.” Iapetus ignored the stares the two icy moons were exchanging, focusing instead on the screen. “It will be interesting to see if this changes anything.”

[ODYSSEUS]

I need all our hands on his club

This is how we're getting out of here

Use your swords to sharpen the stub

And turn it to a giant spear

“You humans and your spears, a 400,000 year love story, I swear.” Earth smiled with a fond chuckle. “You know, when you guys first started making them, I thought you wouldn’t be able to throw them properly. Most other apes have terrible aim.”

“I don’t think we love spears. We’re just…very good at making and throwing them.” Astrodude trailed off as he considered it further. “Actually, you might have a point. One of the first things my little boy managed to throw was a sharp stick he found. Gave my wife and I a right scare.”

“Aw, you have a kid? CAN WE PLAY SPEARS WITH HIM TOO?” Deimos zoomed over to the human, grinning up at him from the floor. The two were surprisingly similar in size, with Deimos only a few centimetres taller. “We promise to be careful!”

“Oh, um, I-I,” He turned to Mars with a pleading look, but the red planet only laughed silently. “M-maybe?”

“Yay!”

[SOLDIERS]

Let's kill him!

“Blood-thirsty, aren’t they.” Miranda muttered in her ear, startling Titania momentarily. She managed a quick nod, eager to get back to the rising action. She wanted to know the rest of Odysseus’ plan, and she wanted to know if it would work. 

[ODYSSEUS]

His body is blocking the path

If we kill him we'll be stuck inside

“Oh? How are they going to get out?” Saturn worried, his gaze falling on the red eye of the screen as he spoke. “They can’t move him?”

“Not something as big as a cyclops, no.” Jupiter affirmed, his own gaze far away and thoughtful. “I think the only thing that could move Polyphemus would be Polyphemus. They need to get him to move.”

“How do they do that? He’s knocked out!” Ganymede reminded the room. “They poisoned him!”

“I’m not sure, Ganymede. Let’s listen and find out.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain, where do we attack him?

[ODYSSEUS]

We gotta stab him in the eye

“This is just bullying, at this point.” Thebe, a reddish moon of Jupiter with only a single eye of his own, grumbled. “He’s only got the one, and now they’re blinding him! After they entered his home and killed his sheep!”

“He killed, like, multiple men, though? And he had the option of peace.” Elara snipped back, her voice tight. “He deserves it.”

“Hey! They started it! And the peace offering was false, Ody poisoned the wine!” Thebe glared back, his one eye narrowed at the other small moon. 

“Um, guys, let’s not fight over something as stupid as an Earthling musical, OK?” Europa butted in, sending disappointed looks to the two arguing moons. They dipped their heads at her words, falling silent. “Good.”

[SOLDIERS]

Yes sir

Remember them

When the fire begins to fade

For the fallen and afraid

We are not to let them die in vain

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

Remember them

We're the ones who carry on

The flames of those who've gone

And our comrades will not die in vain

[ODYSSEUS]

Now!

Scatter!

“Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.” Mercury winced at the pained roaring from the monster, the cries echoing around the room. “Would that kill him? I feel like a massive club through the eye would do a lot of damage to a fleshy Earthling, no matter how big.”

“Well, between the blood loss and shock, he’s definitely looking at a rough time. If they jab it deep enough, maybe even a brain bleed.” Earth mused, looking slightly nauseated by the thought track he was on. “But, he is a mythical monster, so some immunity is assumed, I suppose."

“He’s still gonna be blind, though?” Luna asked for clarity, the grey celestial trying very hard not to picture the scene.

“Yep, most definitely, and not just because that’s what happened in the myth.”

[CYCLOPES]

Who hurts you?

[EURYLOCHUS, spoken]

There are more of them?

“More cyclopes? Are they going to help Poly? Are they going to have to fight them too?” Charon clenched her jaw as she listened, ducking as the deep voices interrupted the song. “Oh, I don’t want to hear more fighting!”

“I certainly hope not. I severely doubt their odds against multiple higher-tier enemies.” Makemake noted, fiddling with his glasses and cleaning the lenses. “This could get messy.”

“O-Ody will get them out safe, I’m s-sure of it!” Haumea said, sounding quite unsure.

[CYCLOPES]

Who hurts you?

[ODYSSEUS, whispered]

Hide!

“Probably a good idea, but aren’t they trying to get out of the cave?” Caelus huffed, putting his notepad down long enough to consider the screen. “Hiding in it might just get them trapped again.”

“Better than alerting the other cyclopes that they’re there.” Titania pointed out, "They'd struggle to get away before that many monsters got to the boats.”

“A-ah, y-yes, good point, Titania.” Caelus’ nervous reply painfully brought up another issue on her overloaded mind. 

While Caelus had always been the anxious sort, even around his moons, he’d gotten significantly worse since the apology. It wasn’t as noticeable with the others, but his attitude towards her was one of someone walking on ice crystals, as if she was one wrong word away from shouting at him. Titania didn’t know what she’d done to warrant such caution, and it was honestly starting to hurt physically every time it happened. Was I too harsh? Or am I still acting too cold? I do feel angry a lot of the time, could he be noticing that?

[CYCLOPES]

Who hurts you?

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain, we should run

[ODYSSEUS]

Wait

“Why? What is he waiting for?” Venus hissed, irritated by the stalling. “The other monsters to find them? For Poly to point them out?”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t already.” Mars frowned, “He’s not replying to them.”

“Well, if I’d just been stabbed in the eye after being poisoned, I’d be struggling to speak too.” Mercury argued, curling tighter in his seat at the ominous backing track.

[CYCLOPES]

Who hurts you?

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain, please!

[ODYSSEUS]

Wait!

“Eury is this close to bolting out of there.” Europa grinned, a smirk crossing her face as she spoke. “Coward.”

“I-it’s not r-really c-cowardly to n-not want t-to d-die, E-Europa!” Io countered with a wheeze. “Y-you’d do t-the s-same!”

“Maybe, but I’m not the hero of the story.”

“What are you, then? The villain?” Callisto’s monotone voice made it hard to tell, but Titania assumed she was teasing her. Europa glared icicles at the darker moon.

“No, I’m the sharp-witted rebel. You, on the other hand, are a grumpy troll.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Europa.”

[POLYPHEMUS]

It was Nobody, Nobody

As she realised the extent of Odysseus’ cunning, she felt her fascination with the little human rise. Beyond merely pre-emptively poisoning his false gift, he’d deliberately used the ignorance of his enemy against him, and planted a fake name to discredit Polyphemus if he ever spoke of the encounter. And now it was serving him in another way, concealing their presence from the rest of his kind.

Maybe humans were far more intriguing than she’d ever considered. Her interest in them hadn’t exactly increased after the last video showed their truly self-destructive nature, as they used their climate manipulation to destroy their own sanctuary, but this tale was showing a different angle on their infamous intellect. Hyper-intelligent apes indeed.

[CYCLOPES]

If nobody hurts you, be silent

[POLYPHEMUS]

Don't go!

“That’s cold. Leaving one of their own like that.” Saturn lowered his voice in dismay. “His lie about the name was smart, though, I must say.”

“Yes, I didn't expect that lie to benefit them so quickly.” Jupiter’s words ignited a few nods of agreement from the rest of the gathered celestials. “It did rely a bit too much on luck, though. I would hope he isn’t always trusting the lives of his men to chance like that. Polyphemus could have just as easily said he was being attacked by humans, or the other cyclopes could have caught sight of the soldiers.”

“Well, it doesn’t sound like Poly has great friends to begin with.” Ganymede huffed, offended by the departing words of the cyclopes. “They basically just told him to shut up and stop irritating them with his pain. They didn’t even see that he was stabbed in the eye!”

“True. They must not have entered the cave at all, then.” Jupiter mused on the Galilean moon’s words. “Maybe they would not have helped, even if he had the correct name. But that is still not something to bet lives on.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Let's grab the sheep and away we go

“They’re still taking the sheep?” Venus spluttered in disbelief. “Did they learn nothing?”

“Well, they need the food, don’t they?” Earth shrugged passively, “I’m more surprised they were able to carry the sheep all the way to the boat without any issue. Sheep are hardly easy to carry.”

“Maybe the sheep are already dead? That would make them easier to carry.” Luna offered, then frowned. “Wait, but if they can easily carry a bunch of dead sheep, they could’ve carried their friends’ bodies.”

“But not both. They have to pick the future survival of the living soldiers over the burials of their friends." Astrodude reminded the moon, his own face scrunched up in discomfort. “It’s not a choice anyone wants to make, but they had to make it.”

[ATHENA]

Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you?

“Oooh, someone's pissed off his goddess friend.” Hyperion tutted with a laugh, “Why’s she butting in during his escape? She should be helping, not muttering in his ear.”

“If she could help, I think she’d have done it by now.” Mimas pointed out with a scowl. “Unless she’s just a really bad friend.”

“I don’t think she ever agreed to be friends with him.” Phoebe recalled, the irregular moon shoving between the two to remind them. “She might not even be able to help. We don’t know what the gods can do in these human stories.”

“Astrodude said they can do basically anything, so she definitely could've helped.” Hyperion snarked back, his voice rising in agitation. “She just left them. She didn’t even warn him about the cave during her little interrogation at the start!” 

“Would he have listened to her? His men still needed the food.” Phoebe countered, deflecting from the point and trying a different angle. “The fight would have happened anyway.”

“We don’t know that.” Mimas’ words were drowned out by the continued arguing from the other moons, and the one-eyed moon cast a look up at Saturn. 

The ringed giant peered down at his moons with a bemused expression, trying to work out what they were even fighting about, before carefully pushing his hand between them. The two moons ceased their argument to stare dumbfoundedly at Saturn’s odd behaviour. The gas giant blushed in embarrassment. “Sorry! I wasn't sure how else to stop you two. Can we be a bit quieter?”

“Okay, Saturn.” The two dipped their heads, keeping silent as the song continued.

He's still a threat until he's dead

Finish it

[ODYSSEUS]

No

[ATHENA]

No?

“Why does she want Poly dead? He’s already blind.” Proteus mumbled angrily, still curled up against his planet as he glared at the floor. “This goddess is mean too. Was Polites the only nice one?”

“I’m sure we’ll meet new characters as we listen, Proteus.” Neptune assured him, smiling at the little moon despite receiving only a forlorn look in return. “And I’m sure some of them will be nice!”

“It is interesting to see that Ody is drawing a line at killing him,” Pluto muttered to himself, “And he’s defying his goddess to do so. He didn’t have that concern back when the fight started.”

“Well, Polites got smashed, so maybe that put things into perspective for him?” Eris suggested bluntly, her eyes straying to the rest of the room. “Bit rude to his friend’s memory if he does exactly what Polities tried to stop him from doing.”

“I didn’t hear Polites have any argument against attacking the cyclops. He was right there with them.” Triton nonchalantly added, adjusting his sunglasses back onto his face after one of the little moons tugged them down. “But, it’s not like he can ask his friend’s opinion on it now, can he?”

[ODYSSEUS]

What good would killing do

When mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use

“Nice to see Polites’ words are still having an effect, but I’d hardly call this situation mercy. He killed his sheep, offered him tainted wine, and then stabbed him in the eye and left with more sheep.” Titan grimaced, eyeing the room in anticipation of another argument.

Titania couldn’t help but do the same. She was getting tired of these endless squabbles about fictional situations. This is why I don’t read Caelus’ comic stories, I’ve heard too many arguments amongst the moons about them. 

“Are we absolutely, positively, 100% sure Odysseus is the hero of this story?” Mars leaned over the little Earthling, who shrank back in dismay. “He’s not gotten much better since the baby tossing.”

“Being morally perfect is not the criteria for a hero, at least not in the Greek epics.” Astrodude stated, his voice surprisingly calm and steady as he faced the red planet. “He’s a hero because he prevails despite the odds stacked against him. He will learn from the things that happen to him and the mistakes he makes.”

“I hope so. At least if this is a turning point, he can start being a bit nicer from now on.” Mars huffed, drawing back to stare at the ceiling, waiting for the song to resume.

My friend is dead, our foe is blind

The blood we shed, it never dries

Is this what it means to be a warrior of the mind?

“Apparently. Though, I must say he did an excellent job of utilizing his intellect against that monster. It’s clearly got some benefits." The Sun hummed, grinning at the memory. “Her training wasn’t useless!”

“He still lost his friend. I don’t think he sees that as worth it.” Mercury reminded the star, keeping his tone neutral despite the downcast expression on his face. “Special training doesn’t mean a lot when you lose all your friends.”

“Well, that wasn’t really her fault, was it?” The Sun returned rhetorically, flicking his hair from his face dismissively. “And I’m sure that’ll DAWN on him eventually!”

[ATHENA]

Don't!

“What? What’s he going to do?” Oberon sat forward abruptly, dislodging Puck from his seat beside him. Titania refrained from again reminding the moon that he was one of the biggest ones there and needed to be more careful. “I thought the fight was done!”

“I’m not sure, Oberon, but I don’t think it’s anything good.” Titania muttered doubtfully, her admiration for his intellect fading under the glaring issue of his emotions. “He’s upset and angry. I hope he doesn’t do something he’ll regret.”

“What’s the worst he could do? The cyclops is blind and his friends don’t even believe he’s been attacked.” Ariel’s elbow dug into her side as the little moon leaned closer to her face to get her attention. “He’ll be fine!”

“Let’s hope you’re right.” 

[ODYSSEUS]

Hey, Cyclops!

When we met, I led with peace

“Debatable.”

“Don’t start that again.”

While you fed your inner beast

But my comrades will not die in vain

Remember them

“I’m sure he will. You blinded him.” Venus emphasized the word, tilting his head to the ceiling. “Is he really just shouting at Poly now?”

“Sounds like it. But to what end?” Mars huffed, unimpressed. “Bragging? He’s basically already escaped, hasn’t he? He doesn't need to shout at him.”

“Maybe it makes him feel better.” Luna’s sarcastic mutter was taken up by the two little Martian moons, who jumped up in outrage.

“Hey! Shouting makes ME feel better all the time!” 

“ME TOO!”

“I can tell.” Luna rolled his eyes, settling down further in the seat to avoid the energetic pebbles.

The next time that you dare choose not to spare

Remember them

Remember us

Remember me

I'm the reigning king of Ithaca

I am neither man nor mythical

I am your darkest moment

I am the infamous

Odysseus!

“Taunting the enemy.” Caelus shook his head slowly, his voice disbelieving. “And now he just sounds cocky and prideful. ‘I am your darkest moment’? That’s a bold statement.”

“It’s true, though.” Neptune noted, his voice airing on the side of caution rather than the usual happy-go-lucky tone. “He blinded him. That’s a dark moment if you ask me.”

“Ok, but he didn’t need to add the rest of it.” Caelus conceded with a frown. Titania found herself surprisingly agreeing with her planet on this; Odysseus’ speech, while imposing to listen to, also felt short-sighted. She wasn’t sure exactly why Athena had warned against it, but the fact that the goddess of wisdom disliked it was enough for Titania to be wary. 

A few seconds of soft creaking noises filled the end of the song, the sound oddly ominous despite the quietness of it.

SONG ENDS

“So, uh, what was the moral lesson of that island, exactly?” Mars broke the silence that fell as the song closed out. Astrodude, who had been trying to avoid falling deeper into the bean bag he was sitting on, lifted his head up to reply.

“Oh, well, the original, like I said, went very differently. They tried to ask for xenia, and Polyphemus violated it and ate some of them.” Astrodude reminded him, before continuing in a more speculative tone. “I’m pretty sure the point of the island was to show strength vs intellect, and civilization vs untamed nature. The cyclopes live in remote areas and have very little community, and don’t respect Greek customs like hospitality. Odysseus using his smarts to outwit the monster shows that the Greeks valued cunning over brute force.”

“Maybe that makes sense in the original, but I did not get that at all.” Mars titled his head at the little human. “The strength vs intelligence thing, yeah, I can see that. But I don’t think either side was acting very civil in that encounter.”

“There can be many versions of any given myth. It’s a really, really old story.” Astrodude commiserated, “Before it was even written down, it was passed down for generations orally, so lots of stuff is always getting lost or changed or added.”

“You Earthlings really like stories, don’t you?”

“Yeah, we do.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘MY GOODBYE’

“Oh dear, who’s saying goodbye? I thought they got to the boats without losing anyone else?” Saturn worried his lip, but Titania quickly dismissed his concern as the music kicked in. Athena.

“That sound, the fast little notes, they always follow Athena.” She spoke aloud, turning to the Earth and his human guest. “What is making that noise? A instrument?”

“Yep! It’s piano, I think.” Earth grinned, turning in his seat to face her better. The Caeluian moon was taken aback by this, still unsure of planets and their intentions. “It’s a big instrument, basically a box. It’s full of stings and levers that let a human create sound by pressing keys.”

“Why’s the piano playing only when Athena’s there?” Oberon asked, shuffling forward to peer at the human. 

“I-I guess it’s her leitmotif, which just means the creator has decided to give her a specific tune or instrument to help the listeners connect her to scenes easier. When you hear her piano, you know the song will include her.” Astrodude hesitated, then added, “But, I’m not an expert at these things. There’s probably more leitmotifs in this musical, and I’m just not picking up on them yet.”

“I’ll keep an ear out!” Oberon grinned, his excitement at this surprising the older moon. Maybe I need to get Caelus to find him an instrument or something, if this is drawing his interest so much? Caelus will certainly be glad for a way to make his moons happier.

[ATHENA, ODYSSEUS]

You were reckless, sentimental at best

That's not a teaching of mine

“Sentimental? What part of that was sentimental?” Ganymede frowned at her accusation. “He said a few badass lines, and right after robbing Poly blind.”

“I think she means the whole speech, not just the end bit. It sounded like he did it out of anger for the fate of his friend and soldiers.” Titan offered to the larger moon, his own expression one of dismay. “Or maybe it’s still about trusting the lotus eaters? They did send him to a dangerous cave when he tried to be nice to them.”

“Guys, I think it’s the fact he didn’t kill the cyclops like she told him to.” Dione pointedly butted in, “She wanted him dead for some reason, and Ody decided to be merciful and spare him.”

“Was it mercy? He’s blind now, stuck on an island with cyclopes that don’t believe him about his attacker.” Luna added, turning to the other moons. “That’s a pretty horrid situation to be in.”

“And death would be better? Don’t be ridiculous." Enceladus hissed in return, appalled by the idea. While Luna scrambled for a reply, surprising the moons, the little human beside him spoke up next.

“It might have been, for the Greeks at least.” He began awkwardly, his eyes falling to the floor rather than trying to meet any of the moons’. “It’s not moral in most modern societies today, but the Greeks had some messed up views on disability and honour. It would have seemed more honourable for Odysseus to kill Polyphemus and spare him a life lived with a wound like that.”

“That’s…disturbing to know.” Ganymede eyed the little human warily. “I kind of wish I didn’t hear that. I’m actually trying to not hate you guys.”

“W-well, I did say it’s not a common belief anymore?” Astrodude tried, but the moons had already turned away from the Earthling. Titania caught a glimpse of his despondent expression, a tinge of pity echoing in her core as she did. 

You've grown soft, your dead friends can attest

(Hey!)

“Harsh, but honest.” Eris’ comment caught Titania’s ear. 

“Not really. His friends died ‘cause they tried to find food, not ‘cause he was especially nice to the cyclops.” Pluto disagreed, and Titania tried not to sigh out loud at the new argument. We could go in circles about this till the end of the stars. 

“If anything, his ploy to offer a gift to the cyclops actually saved a few lives.” Charon backed up her planet enthusiastically. “How else were they supposed to get the poison in him?”

“Hm, I guess you have a point.” Eris shook her head in frustration. “Ugh, this story is getting way too confusing to follow. This is worse than Makemake’s orbit-long games.”

Put your emotions aside

“Not great advice.” Venus mumbled, staring at the ceiling from his position laid on his back. 

“Hm, maybe she has a point, though? I mean, some decisions really do require a clearer head, and impulsiveness is kinda what caused him to shout at the cyclops.” Mercury countered with an uncertain voice, wary of the sideways glare the cloudy planet was brewing for him. “Not that he should throw emotion away entirely, but maybe he wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t already angry?”

“Who cares? It’s not a real thing that happened, is it? So it’s really not worth arguing about.” Venus’ snipped reply caught the smallest planet off guard, leaving him with a bemused expression as the grumpy planet rolled over to avoid his gaze. 

You're a warrior meant to lead the rest

I don't know where I went wrong

But I warned you, and you failed the test

So now I'm gone

“Oh? She’s leaving? Aw, but I like her singing!” Deimos cried in dismay, his squeaky voice both irritating and far too similar to Ophelia and Cordelia for Titania to properly block it out. 

“Wow, her little soldier messes up once and she drops him.” Enceladus’ amusement bled through into his voice. “I guess it really was a waste of her time then, if she’s going to prune her ‘greatest warrior’ so quickly.”

“I wonder how many ‘warriors of the mind’ she’s already gotten through?” Hyperion joined in. “If one mistake gets them canned.”

“I don’t think she’d be singing a whole song about saying goodbye if this was a regular occurrence.” Rhea let her voice dip as she added, “She sounds pretty upset about it.”

This way, you'll know what your place is

This way, you can't cross the line

This way, when all is over you'll keep yours and I'll keep mine

This way, you won't disappoint me

This way, you won't waste my time

This way, I'll close the door

Consider this as my goodbye

“Ouch, she is not happy with him.” Miranda winced, turning to Rhea, “I guess that proves your point. If she wasn’t hurt by this, she wouldn’t sound so angry.”

“Being angry doesn’t mean she cares about him.” Titania muttered, her core shrinking from the idea with indignation that she wasn’t about to interrogate. “Who told you that?”

“No one.” Miranda swung her head around to meet her gaze hard, staring at the larger Caeluian moon. “I worked it out all by myself, thank you very much!”

Titania pretended to turn back to the glowing red screen, but her thoughts were far from the huge eye still staring back at her. When did Miranda get so perceptive? And when did she start looking at me like that?

[ODYSSEUS]

That's just likе you, why should I be surprised?

Selfish and pridеful and vain

“OK, Ody, She’s still a goddess. I’m sure she can atomise you if she wants to.” Earth chuckled uncomfortably, a nervous look crossing his face. “Maybe lay off the insults?”

“Nah, this is funnier.” Venus barked out a laugh, “I wanna hear her throw lightning at him as well. That would be a hilarious ending.”

“Agree to disagree.”

Unlike you, every time someone dies

I'm left to deal with the strain

“I suppose she is quite detached from the humans, if she’s an immortal god.” Saturn curled one hand around his opposing wrist absentmindedly as he spoke. “Oh, that must make it so hard for her to get attached to them, then. If they die so quickly?”

“Possibly that is why she’s been rather distant with Odysseus.” Jupiter added, nodding to his friend’s words. “Clearly, from his words, she has not displayed much warmth to him in the past, despite their partnership.”

What's a title that a goddess could lend if I'll never sleep at night?

I'll remind you I saw you as a friend

But now we're done

“That’s sad, he’s losing even more friends now!” Naiad complained, rolling off Neptune’s leg to flop onto Triton’s lap. “Are they going to apologize later and be friends again, Triton? Like you and Neptune always tell us to do!”

“Kid, I’m not sure they were ever really friends.” Triton said carefully, moving the little moon so she could sit a bit more comfortably instead of sprawled out like she had been. “Ody probably thought so, but Athena didn’t see it that way.”

“Oh…but that’s even sadder!” She cried and the older moon winced. 

This way, you're out of my head now

This way, you won't plague my life

This way, when all is done, you're out of sight and out of mind

This way, you get what you wanted

This way, you can save your time

This way, you close the door and have your damn goodbye

“He’s angry too. This must have been building up for a while… I can’t see this kind of blow up coming from just that situation.” Rhea whispered dejectedly. 

“It sounds like they both expected very different things from each other. That was never going to work out in the long run.” As Titan spoke to his fellow moon, Titania fought down the urge to turn towards him, just to see if he’d do the same. 

“Maybe they can still fix it? If they actually talk?” Rhea’s reply buzzed in her ear irritably, stinging and refusing to let her mind off the path it was falling down. 

She’d…She’d thought her and Titan would work out, and to begin with it had. He was sweet to her, spoke to her like an equal in a way that had instantly drawn her in, and his strong feelings around moon-rights had only increased her interest. But, as time went on, she felt their goals drifting apart. He was so focused on improving things with his planet, making the situation work, settling into a new-normal that felt just like the old one, only they didn’t get quite as ignored. Titania, on the other hand, had only grown more restless, more motivated to break the fundamental structure her life was trapped into. 

But, beyond even that schism in their ideologies, she’d begun to doubt the wisdom of the whole relationship. Before meeting him, her only notion of romantic love came from Uranus’ stories, tales of love breaking all barriers and granting happiness to the lovers. Now, after meeting more moons, after seeing the general lack of deep love in the whole system, and after hearing of the fate that had befallen those two rocky planets, she was scared. Scared that, even if it worked out, the system itself would punish them for it. That their planets, or even the Sun, would forbid it. Everyone avoided romantic love, even Ganymede and Europa seemed to put a teasing spin on every hint of it, and maybe that was for a reason. The fact that she didn’t know that reason only assured her that drawing away from Titan was for the best, for now. If romantic love is forbidden in this system, we have to break it before Titan and I can be anything serious. And I don’t know if he’d wait for that, or even want it.  

[ATHENA]

You're not looking for a mentor

I'm not looking for a friend

I mistook you for a general

What a waste of effort spent

“She did tell him at the beginning that she wasn’t likely to be friends with him.” Pluto considered, “So it really shouldn't surprise him.”

“She didn’t have to call him ‘a waste’, though.” Haumea pouted. “That was mean.”

“He called her selfish and vain. I think that’s a perfectly fair response.” Eris rolled her eyes, stretching her arms up above her head as she spoke. “Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t killed him already. I guess she must really be attached, then.”

[ODYSSEUS]

At least I know what I'm fighting for

While you're fighting to be known

Since you claim you're so much wiser

Why's your life spent all alone?

You're alone

“Um. I honestly wouldn’t even blame her for flattening him now. That was too far.” Luna hissed through his teeth at the harsh shout, the room similarly caught off guard by the anger in Odysseus’ voice as he spat the words.

“If this was classical myth Athena, he’d already be dust by now.” Astrodude swallowed, waiting in the tense silence for Athena’s response.

[ATHENA]

One day, you'll hear what I'm saying

One day, you might understand

One day, but not today, for after all you're

[ENSEMBLE]

Just a man

“Despite his little speech to the cyclops, he’s still just a dude.” The Sun grumbled, his shifting surface warping as he adjusted his seat. “A man. Nothing more. And a man can never stand up to a god and insult them like that. I’d have melted his proteins into slop.”

“Ugh, don’t make me picture that.” Earth winced, shaking his head to dispel the idea the star had placed there. “I’m surprised too, honestly. Like Astrodude said, he’d be dust if this was most versions of Athena.”

[ATHENA, ENSEMBLE]

This day, you sever your own head

This day, you cut the line

This day, you lost it all

"I wonder if losing his godly mentor will effect the rest of his journey?" Jupiter mused aloud, focused on the wording of those statements. "She's making it sound very final, and deadly."

"You don't think she'll try to get revenge, do you? You said the mythological gods are very vengeful." Saturn peered at his friend with a curious, cautious air. "She sounds so angry..."

"I don't believe so, my friend." Jupiter replied calmly, an unconcerned line to his mouth. "She didn't kill him for those insults, and she seems to only want to become detached from him, not hurt him." 

Consider this as my goodbye

Ohh

Consider this as my goodbye

Ohh

This is my goodbye

Ohh

Consider this as my goodbye

Ohh

This is my goodbye

“Very drawn out goodbye.” Planet X grumbled from the back, but Titania paid him no mind as she listened to the last few notes, trying to memorize it in case they showed up again like the human had suspected.

“I hope that’s not the end of her in this story. I liked her!” Ariel piped up, her eyes bright as she turned to Titania. The older moon nodded back, smiling as sincerely as she could manage under the gaze of all her fellow Caeluian moons. 

"Me too! I really hope she comes back soon!" Miranda grinned, joining in with Ariel's mission to squeeze the life out of her. Thankfully, a small nudge convinced them to let up enough for her to speak.

“I hope so too.” She agreed, glad to see far less needless concern and worry on her friends’ faces. She couldn’t tell them her reasons for being so stressed recently, but it was nice to know she had others looking out for her still. I still need to try harder to keep it together, though. They can’t help, and worrying them will only add more concerns to my own pile. 

“What’s gonna happen next?” Puck asked, staring between Titania and Caelus for an answer. Caelus bit his lip as he glanced up at the front of the room, reluctant to speak when he had no answers for them. The screen, it seemed, had heard their question. The red was slowly fading into black, the change pulling back the attention of the room.

“Oo! Blue?” Neptune grinned.

Indeed, the new colour that began to shine onto the room was a dark cerulean, wrapped around the image of a strange human boat? Titania wasn’t sure, but she knew of very few things that could float on water like that. The dark blue was interrupted by warped patches of white, especially near the top of the picture, bring her to mind of the waves Luna had once tried to explain to the Moon Club. The shear size of the them in comparison to the small boat was striking. Text at the bottom faded into view. 

“The Ocean Saga?”

Chapter Text

“The Ocean Saga?” Triton read the title aloud, eyeing the odd mess of blue and grey shades that now covered the screen. It was certainly a change from the red eye or the burning horse from before, but this image still didn’t offer the air of a calm event. The small Earthling boats were nearly engulfed by the water, which rose so high it was hard to tell it from the stormy sky. 

“Why’s there a triangle at the top?” Sao reached one arm up to the screen. Following the little moon’s gaze, Triton tried to work out what had caught his attention. The top of the image was as dark as the ocean, only less saturated in blue, and nothing particularly stood out. Only…there was an oddly even triangle of darker clouds with sharp edges, handing in the centre of the picture. Um, that’s a bit strange, but maybe Earth’s storms are just like that?

“I’m not sure, kid.” He mumbled back, distracted as his gaze was drawn to the furthest corner of the room by a shuffle of movement. The shadowed lump of the ninth planet was barely visible, almost inseparable from the dark walls. Only the absence of small spots of light gave away the vague shape of the watching ice giant. 

While he’d been acceptably quiet since the attempted coup on the Sun, Triton still found himself tense and uneasy just being in the same room as him. He wasn’t about to forget about how much that ice giant’s meddling had hurt his little brother, even if his own planet seemed like he had half the time. He was decently sure Neptune hadn’t misplaced everything Planet X had done, but his random attempts to speak to him at least told Triton he’d forgotten some of his own past interactions with the guy. But Neptune’s foolhardy hope to reintegrate the guy wasn’t Triton’s business. At least until it goes horribly wrong, I suppose.

“At least if they're back at sea, they can start making some progress on getting home?” Saturn pondered aloud, his voice louder than the low din of conversation that had spread since the last song ended. 

Jupiter nodded in reply, his expression still lined with mild concern as he did so. “Yes, indeed. Though, I do fear those waves are rather big. I’m no expert on Earthling transportation, but small boats like that must be easy to tip in such weather.”

“It could just be artistic exaggeration." Earth pointed out doubtfully. “Making the waves extra big and frightening for dramatic effect?”

“It’s working.” Luna muttered beside his planet, eyeing the dark rises of water apprehensively. “I wouldn’t want to be a small Earthling on a boat that tiny.”

As the room fell into silence, the song began to play its first few notes and finally displayed the title. A tinny, trumpeted tune started up, backed by a low, repeated beat. Triton’s interest was caught immediately, recalling a faint memory of being told about trumpets once. It hadn’t sounded important at the time, but the memory rose now that he recognised the instrument’s sound. I suppose I could ask Neptune about it, but I seriously doubt he’d remember that either. I don’t even remember if it was him that showed it to me.

Out of the corner of his eye, Triton noted his planet was carefully gathering up the moons that had strayed during the brief break, counting under his breath. He felt a few of the little moons press against him again, reclaiming their spots beside ‘big brother’.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘STORM’

“Very to the point.” Ganymede frowned at the song’s name, “10 points for who can guess what this one is about.”

“A whole song for a storm? Is it a big one? Like Jupiter’s spot?” Kore sat up in excitement, using Europa’s knee to pull herself higher. The pale moon adjusted her seat slightly to allow for Kore’s movements, a contemplative frown crossing her face. 

“I don’t think a little Earthling boat would survive a storm that powerful.” Europa pointed out, glancing up at her planet as she continued. “400 km/h winds aren’t likely on rocky worlds anyway.”

“Yes, I believe the Earthlings have not recorded such wind speeds in their time, though storms of that magnitude were mentioned in the last video." Jupiter recalled with a quick look at the living planet, who tensed at the recollection. “I do not imagine Ody would survive an end Permian storm.”

The low rumbling tune picked up abruptly, joined by crashing and far louder trumpeting, rising into a crescendo before fading into the first lines of song.

[ODYSSEUS]

These waves and tides

Have grown in strength and size

Is it nature or divine

Or a blessing in disguise?

“Nature, probably?” Mars muttered, considering the question. “Not sure why a god would even bother making a storm just to annoy him, and storms are pretty common on your oceans, aren’t they?”

“Yep, though the medicanes in the Mediterranean sea aren’t very common or super powerful, they can still be quite disruptive and you definitely wouldn’t want to be on a boat during them.” Earth agreed, adding on at the end, “But, in those times, a medicane would probably be seen as ‘divine’ anyway, regardless of what actually caused it.”

“Yeah, but this is a story, so it’s a fair question for him to ask.” Astrodude continued, the little Earthling turning his head up to meet the gazes of the planets around him.  

“I’m more confused by the ‘blessing in disguise’ part.” The Earthling shifted his gaze to Luna as the moon spoke. “How would a storm help?”

“I’m not terribly sure, honestly. Maybe the winds could speed the ship up?” Astrodude offered doubtfully. “I don’t know enough about sailing to say for certain, but I’m not confident a storm is a blessing in this situation.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to be optimistic? Like Polites told him to.” Luna suggested, but his own expression mirrored the Earthling’s.

Our home's in sight

This storm's our final fight

“They can see Ithaca?" Despina’s excited squeak ignited a flurry of curious, relieved chattering from the other Neptunian moons. “Yay! They’ll be home soon!”

“It’s that close?” Triton was reluctant to trust that this journey would be over so soon. Sure, fighting the cyclops was horrible and time-consuming, but the trip had not been nearly long enough to justify the hype Earth and Astrodude put to the tale. “Seems a little easy.”

“They still have to fight the storm!” Neso protested, raising his head and squaring his shoulders as he boldly faced the screen. “They’re gonna fight it and win!”

“I’m sure they will!” Neptune joined in, his usual grin settled on his face. Triton huffed in disagreement, but otherwise remained silent. I wish he wouldn’t get the kids' hopes up like that. We’ll end up with a bunch of upset moons when things go south.

There's no time to die

Comrades?

[SOLDIERS]

Sir!

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

Brace for a storm

(Storm)

“These men never get a break, do they? They just escaped a massive cyclops monster, and now they need to fight a storm!” Hyperion’s indignant exclamation caught Triton’s ear as he tried to focus on the song. The Saturnian moon was waving one hand at the screen while facing Phoebe and Mimas. “If I were them, I’d be exhausted!”

“I’m wondering why they don’t just hide somewhere and wait out the storm?” Phoebe wrinkled her nose at the screen. “I wouldn’t want to be out in a storm, let alone fight one!”

“I think Ody just really, really wants to get home. And his soldiers probably do too.” Mimas pointed out to the other two, but Hyperion didn’t look convinced.

“He can still wait out the storm a bit. He’s risking his friends’ lives again, just to get home quicker.”

“If the storm stops at all.” Iapetus’ ominous comment broke into their little debate. “He mentioned a possible divine origin to the storm, in which case I doubt the storm will let up any time soon.”

“Why would a god make a storm, though?” Phoebe questioned, shooting the two-tone moon a curious look. “Ody pissed off Athena, I guess, but she didn’t seem to want revenge or anything."

“I’m not sure, but I suspect this storm is not a normal one, whatever the real cause.”

The likes of which we've never seen before

Brace for a storm

(Storm)

With home so close, we must keep pushing forward

(Full speed ahead)

[ODYSSEUS]

Head towards the island but avoid the crashing waves

Tread where the tide is flat and then you will be safe

“Would that even work? How do they even control where those tiny boats go?” Caelus asked, squinting at the ships on the huge waves. 

“It might? I mean, those ships were not great in storms, but if they were coordinated enough and lucky, they could do it.” Earth frowned at the screen as he continued. “But, the first thing to do would be to furl the sails. Leaving sails up like that is just asking for the wind to push you over.”

“How would they move, then?” Luna followed up, “I thought the sails moved the ship.”

“They do, but they definitely have oars as well. They’d use those to move, but it would still be pretty treacherous.” Earth revealed, turning to the human beside him. “They’d probably have to face the waves and try to prevent any from striking the ship’s sides. I haven’t seen them up close, but those kinds of boats are pretty easy to flip, aren’t they, Astrodude?”

“I-I wouldn’t know, Earth.” The human mumbled, glancing up at the planet warily. “I don’t do boats. I think I threw up everywhere on my first boat trip as a kid.”

“We didn’t need to know that, dude. ‘I don’t know’ would have been fine.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain, we will capsize with these waves, our fleet will fail

[ODYSSEUS]

Have them follow my ship, I'll ensure that we prevail

“Sounds like not everyone is confident in this plan.” Pluto’s comment drew Triton’s eye to his friends. The dwarf planets had moved their bean bag over again, sitting close enough that he didn’t need to cross the room or shout to talk with them. It was a nice change, even if it meant he was stuck with the kids no matter what now. It’s for the best, honestly. After all that mess with X and Caelus, I prefer having a few others around the Neptunian system. And it leaves the dwarf planets a bit less isolated.

“Eury has a point. Even if one ship can get past all that, how can they guarantee the rest will as well?” Eris grumbled reluctantly. “If they flip over as easily as Earth thinks, all it would take is one bad wave.”

“B-but if Ody leads them through it, they’ll avoid that. He can guide them around the waves.” Haumea put in optimistically, raising a frown of doubt on Triton's face. He probably knew about as much about liquid water as the rest of them, that being nothing, but he was confident it wasn’t a medium that stayed the same for long stretches of time. Whatever path Ody led his men on would change the next second, making his guidance basically pointless.

“I don't think sea storms work that way.” He muttered, turning towards the screen again as the song’s chorus rose.

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

Storm

Storm

[EURYLOCHUS]

We're taking too much damage to survive

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

We'll beat this storm

Storm

[EURYLOCHUS]

At this rate, we won't make it out alive

“Eury is such a downer.” Deimos complained, rolling off his planet’s seat to bounce off the floor. Mars just sighed. “Why’s he moaning all the time?”

“He’s being annoying, that’s why.” Phobos joined in, peering down at his brother from the bean bag. “Like you.”

“Hey!-”

“Well, Ody has shown himself to be a bit reckless already.” Mars mumbled critically, ignoring the two moons as they dissolved into squabbles. “Eury could be right, and Ody is just pushing them forward regardless.”

“It’s still not a helpful thing to shout.” Mercury protested, “If the crew hear, they’ll get scared and mess up. Especially if they’re rowing the whole ship.”

“It’s not a helpful thing to ignore, either.” Mars muttered back, but he didn’t put enough energy into it for it to be heard by Mercury. The smaller planet was once again focused on the song, listening for the next line.

[PERIMEDES/ELPENOR]

Captain, look!

[ODYSSEUS & EURYLOCHUS]

An island in the sky

“A sky island! Oh! Is that what the triangle is?” Sao was once again pointing insistently at the odd shape. Triton gave it another look, trying to see what Sao saw. It does kind of look like a bit of rock, I suppose? Its edges are rather sharp for clouds, at least.

“I reckon so, kid.” He admitted to him, trying to ignore the triumphant smirk Sao immediately sent towards his siblings. Until it causes an argument, it’s not my problem.

“A what? I don’t remember that in the Odyssey.” Astrodude’s confused exclamation filled the room. “Unless they mean a floating island? But that’s not a flying island, not even slightly!”

“Is there a difference?” The Sun questioned, looking as confused as Triton felt from that comment. “Floating and flying are basically the same, aren’t they?”

“N-not in mythical islands, or- at least- not in the Odyssey.” The human seemed to lose his steam as the star stared at him, stumbling over his explanation. “T-the floating island is on water, it just moves about a lot. A flying island in the sky is much stranger.”

“Oh, so floating islands exist, but flying ones don’t?” The Sun tried to understand, turning a confused look to the living planet when his little Earthling struggled to correct him. “You never told me you have floating islands.”

“Because I don’t. I think Astrodude is just saying a flying island is harder to picture compared to one that just floats around.” Earth countered with a careful tone, eyeing the star as he leaned closer to his human. “Floating islands were a common idea in Greek myths, like Delos, so the one in the original Odyssey wasn’t as odd to imagine as a flying island.”

“Well, a flying one is cooler, so I prefer this version.” The star grinned, facing the front again and freeing the Earthling from his gaze. “An island in the sky sounds like a wonderful idea. You should really consider adding them, Earth.”

“T-that’s- That’s not how that works, like, at all.” But Earth’s spluttered protest went unheeded by the Sun, much to the living planet’s annoyance.

[ODYSSEUS]

Eurylochus, grab the harpoons

As many as you can find

“What’s a ‘harpoon’?” Oberon’s question was joined by interested looks from the rest of the room, no one familiar enough with the word to define it. 

“And why does he want them?” Ariel added, leaning forward to see the Earthling better. Astrodude turned around to answer, and Triton spotted him offering the living planet an awkward look before he spoke.

“Um, well, harpoons are basically large, barred spears attached to ropes that can be shot at- at whales mostly…and anything in the water we want to kill.” The human grimaced, “We- we try not to do it anymore, but whale hunting is still a problem, and harpoons are what we mostly use.”

“Ugh, we need to stop asking you stuff. The answer is always violent and sad.” Miranda huffed, unsettled by the idea. 

While Triton wasn’t completely surprised to hear about more weapons the Earthlings had built, he was curious as to Odysseus' plan for them. “Why does he want them, then?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. This part isn’t in the version I’ve read. The island is just a floating one, not a flying one, so he just docks at it.” Astrodude looked relieved at the topic change, even if he didn’t have much of an answer. 

[EURYLOCHUS]

What do you have in mind?

[ODYSSEUS]

We're gonna shoot for the sky

[EURYLOCHUS]

What?

“I’m with Eury on this one. What?” Venus repeated, his bored expression slipping into a bemused one. “What is that going to do?”

“You said harpoons have ropes on them?” At the nod from the human, Jupiter continued, “It seems awfully risky, but maybe he is hoping to reach the island by climbing the ropes?”

“In a storm?” Saturn shivered at the thought. “That sounds highly dangerous! And why bother? It’s just an island. They’re almost home!"

[SOLDIERS]

Storm, storm

[ODYSSEUS]

Everyone grab a harpoon and aim it high

“I feel like this wouldn’t work.” Eris scowled at the screen, her eyes fixed on the small island hidden in the dark clouds. “Are harpoons strong enough to punch through rock? Long enough to reach that high?”

“If they are, I’d love to see one in action!” Makemake exclaimed, then amended his comment at the incredulous stare from Eris. “Not the whale-killing part, just the island anchoring one. That would need quite a bit of force behind it indeed!”

“I don’t think you’re likely to see that, given the lack of real flying islands.” Pluto smiled playfully to his friend. “You’ll just have to use your imagination. You’re good at that.”

“Why thank you, Sir Pluton!” 

[SOLDIERS]

Storm, storm

[ODYSSEUS]

We're shooting for the island in the sky

In the sky

[SOLDIERS]

Storm, storm

“I wonder what his men think of this?” Dione picked her head up from leaning back against Saturn’s bean bag, sharing a smirk with her fellow moons. “Their captain is trying to shoot an island. They probably just want to get out of the storm and back home, not climb up some slippery ropes.”

“I’m surprised his men have not asked any questions.” Iapetus agreed, tilting his head up at the sky island. “Though, I suppose they are trained to obey regardless of doubt.”

“I’d call him mad and ignore him!” Enceladus boldly claimed, only to be quelled by a round of pointed looks from the Saturnian moons. Triton couldn’t help a frown of his own, clearly recalling a few occasions where the icy moon failed to back those words up. Though, I suppose X hid his crazy well enough to pass for sane, even if his ideas should have given him away. 

SONG ENDS

The music faded out, the loud crashes and sharp noises ceasing under a low tone, leaving the room abruptly silent and still. Triton couldn’t say he missed the chaos and volume, but the beat had been thrilling to listen to. The rises and falls helped him imagine the boat ride across a storm-churned sea. The trumpets were interesting. I don’t even remember why I know what they are, but they sounded nicer than I pictured in my head.

“Well, that was certainly a loud song.” The Sun’s offhanded mutter broke the quiet, inviting the return of low-level conversation. Proteus suddenly poked him in the side, having reached over from Neptune’s lap to try and grab his sunglasses.

“What, kid?” Triton asked, pulling the glasses out of reach, and trying to read the grumpy expression on the little moon. Proteus had become harder and harder to predict lately, from the mess with X to his continued insistence on lumping far more emotion into a situation than necessary. Neptune had assured him it was likely just a phase, that his little brother would settle down eventually, and that having this time to express himself was good. Triton wasn’t sure he completely agreed, not at the moment.

“Are we gonna meet new characters soon? I’m bored.” He huffed with his usual dramatics, but faltered as he met Triton's eyes. “You’re annoyed at me, aren’t you!”

“No, kid, I’m not-” Triton sighed, deciding to play the card that often produced the best results with the little ones, and reached out his arms to pick Proteus up and into his own lap for a hug. “I’m not mad at you. We both just need a little patience for this. You remember how long these usually take?”

“Yeah, ages!” Proteus complained, but thankfully didn’t resist the hug, melting into it as usual. “I-I just don’t like being stuck here for so long! I wanna play!”

“I’m sure we can play once this finishes, and you’ll have tons of new ideas for games after this.” Triton already felt exhausted by the thought of playing 400 rounds of ‘kill the cyclops’ back in orbit, but at least it would be something new. One more round of humans vs mammoth would have ended me.

“Okay.” Proteus sighed, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘LUCK RUNS OUT’

“Not a great start. I guess the rope climbing didn’t go well?” Caelus joked as the song began, the lower, softer notes snapping the attention of the room back to the front. 

“Hm, it is a weird title. I’d think finding a sky island was very lucky!” Neptune tilted his head at the title while he spoke. “It sounds nicer than the last island!”

“I think even a lump of rock would be nicer than the last place, mate.” Caelus grumbled, shivering at the thought of the cyclops. “I just hope this one doesn’t have another huge monster in it.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

Please don't tell me you're about to do what I think you'll do

“He is. He totally is.” Venus’ deadpan voice followed Eurylochus’ question swiftly, his gaze unimpressed. “If this song is about him climbing that harpoon and falling off, I’ll laugh.”

“Heh, that would be pretty funny…” Mercury agreed hesitantly, seemingly unsure of how his reply would be received. Triton was pretty sure he wasn’t looking for Venus to totally ignore him, though. Ugh, rocky planets. I don’t know how Luna deals with them. The ice giants are bad enough.

[ODYSSEUS]

You've heard the legends of the island in the sky, this proves they're true

We're in the home of the wind god

“Wind god? Who’s that?” Titan asked the little human, echoing Triton’s own curiosity. Oddly, the little Earthling appeared just as confused as the rest of the room.

“I-I think he’s referring to Aeolus, ‘cause that’s who they meet in the epic, but Aeolus isn’t really a god of the winds, just a keeper.” Astrodude explained, “He has command of the winds because the gods like him, but he’s mostly still human.”

“So they don’t have a wind god? I thought they had gods for everything?” Luna frowned in confusion, turning to the human sitting next to him.

“There are four wind gods actually, for each of the cardinal directions,” Astrodude added, sparing a wary glance towards Caelus before he spoke. “And a god of the sky, Uranus, but he’s not usually involved in myths.”

“Ugh, of course not, why would there be any cool myths about me?” Caelus sarcastically complained, then corrected with a bitter mutter, “Caelus or Uranus, none of them get anything interesting!”

“Um, well, they do have that one myth, but I’m not repeating it here. I am not going to be the one to explain castration to the room. Nope!” Earth interrupted before Astrodude could even attempt to correct Caelus, placing an unnecessary hand over the human’s mouth. Luna smirked at his planet’s reaction.

“Wait, isn’t your myth counterpart married to-” Luna was just as swiftly cut off by Earth’s other hand over his mouth. But the grey moon’s amusement remained despite the confinement of his words.

[EURYLOCHUS]

We don't know for sure

[ODYSSEUS]

How many floating islands have you seen before?

This is the home of the wind god

“He’s so done with Eury’s doubting and moaning.” Miranda laughed, grinning at the rhetorical question from Ody. “What else would be on a flying island? A flying cyclops?”

“Let’s hope not.” Titania muttered beside her, leaning back against their planet’s leg with an exhale. “What is he hoping the wind god will do anyway? Does he just want to meet them?”

“I-I don’t think so, Titania.” Oberon disagreed softly, still eyeing the faint form of the island in the sky. “M-maybe he has a plan? They’re still in a storm, aren’t they?”

“True. He always seems to have a plan, even if we can’t see it.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

And what's your plan?

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm gonna climb to the top and ask 'em for a hand

“Ah, we were right! He’s gone mad.” Enceladus crowed, huffing out a breath of disbelief. “Or he already was mad. It’s hard to tell.”

“Does he honestly think that’ll work? Is the wind god known for handing out favours?” Dione questioned as the icy moon quieted down. 

“Kinda, yeah!” Astrodude put in with a surprised tone of his own. “He was liked by the gods because he was so kind to strangers and pious with the gods. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think he’d help.”

“Hm, well, I hope it works out for him, then.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

You could be caught off guard and lose your life

Or piss off this god and infuse us with strife

Don't forget how dangerous the gods are

“Considering he shouted insults at Athena, it's fair to say he already has.” Earth sighed and gave the human a tired smile. “Ody’s track-record with gods isn’t great, as far as I remember.”

“Not great, no.” Astrodude agreed.

“I’m glad Eury is calling him out on this.” Mars frowned, one hand tapping his knee absentmindedly. “If he pisses off another god, they’re probably not going to be as nice as Athena was. His crew could get hurt, or be left without a leader.”

“This Aeolus guy doesn’t sound mean, though.” Mercury countered hopefully. “He could be helpful, like Astrodude said?”

“Maybe. I still don’t like this whole idea, though.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Have faith, friend, we've come this far

[EURYLOCHUS & CREW]

Yes, but how much longer ‘til your luck runs out?

“Oh, that’s why it’s called that!” Neptune grinned, “I was wondering when his luck was going to run out!”

“So, instead of his luck literally running out, it’s just Eury complaining?” Triton couldn’t help a bit of disappointment that Ody wasn’t actually going to slip-and-slide his way down a harpoon, but he was still intrigued by what his ‘second-in-command’ had to say. If I was Eurylochus, I’d have complained a few songs ago, personally.

How much longer 'til the show goes south?

How much longer 'til we all fall down?

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

“Eurylochus makes some good points.” Jupiter considered the lyrics with a thoughtful frown. “He spent time tricking the cyclops, when he maybe should have gotten his men out faster.”

“How? His trick with the wine is the only reason they got out at all.” The Sun argued, pointedly scowling at the screen instead of his oldest planet. “He saved them!”

“True, but what if the lotus didn’t work? He was telling them to fight the monster, and they were dying, while he waited on something that Polyphemus may have been unaffected by.” Jupiter kept his voice calm as he returned his own argument, a cautious curiosity in his eyes as he waited for the star to respond. “He was gambling their lives on chance.”

“What else was he supposed to do? It was either that or they’d all get eaten anyway. Chance was all he had.” The Sun grumbled, forcing out a breath of frustration. “It doesn’t matter anyway. This story isn’t going to change just because you like arguing hypotheticals.” 

“You used to like them too, did you not?” Jupiter lowered his voice, sounding more vulnerable now as he awaited the Sun’s answer. “I certainly enjoyed those games.”

“Exactly. They were games. You are not a proto-planet anymore.” Despite the harsh words, the star’s expression was more melancholy than anything else Triton could describe it as. His tone was similarly disconnected from the reply, soft and quiet. Jupiter seemed to notice this too, his frown tilting at the edge into a small, hopeful smile.

[ODYSSEUS]

I still believe in goodness

I still believe that we could be kind

Lead from the heart, and see what starts

“I’m not sure that was the part Eury had an issue with.” Pluto mumbled under his breath, sharing a grimace with Charon. “Trusting the lotus eaters wasn’t great, but a lot more went wrong after that.”

“Eury does seem to have a very different attitude to things, though. So maybe he is annoyed by the ‘open arms’ stuff?” Quaoar hummed, twisting some string from the seam of the bean bag as they spoke. “Maybe he sees it as the root of the problem?”

“But- if he disregards it, isn’t that basically throwing away Polites’ memory?" Haumea squeaked, dismayed by the very idea. “He wanted Ody to be nicer!”

“Yeah, and it got him killed.” Quaoar quipped back, only to pause at the distressed expression on their friend's face. “Dude, I’m sure he’s not going to forget his friend any time soon. Don’t stress about it.”

“W-well, I hope you’re right.” Haumea grumbled, turning his wide eyes from the red-ish dwarf planet to the screen ahead of them. “I don’t want him to do anything cruel again. Not after the last few songs!”

Triton felt a frown of apprehension cross onto his own face as he listened to his friends. While he was trying not to get as invested in this story as Haumea clearly already was, he would still prefer not to hear about any more deaths of little Earthlings. However, from the way Astrodude spoke of the tale, he wasn’t convinced the cyclops was the last of Odysseus’ questionable actions. And I get to somehow explain everything to the kids in a way that doesn’t give them nightmares. Ugh. 

[EURYLOCHUS]

And what will we do when it tears us apart?

[ODYSSEUS]

Where is this coming from, my friend?

[EURYLOCHUS]

I just don't wanna see another life end

You're like the brother I could never do without

“Aw, he’s just worried about him.” Saturn softened the tense expression he’d been holding as he heard those lines. “He doesn’t want to lose another friend.”

“Aren’t brothers supposed to be related, with you humans at least.” Mars questioned the Earthling. “Are they related?”

“Um, no, brothers don’t have to be genetically related. Some people just call each other ‘brother’ as a sign of affection.” Astrodude tried to explain. The curiosity of the room was turned on him now, and Triton could feel Proteus and Naiad leaning forward on his lap to listen. “I-I’m pretty sure Odysseus’ sister is married to Eurylochus, though, so legally they are brothers of a sort.”

“How does that work? How does getting married make her brother related to her partner?” Mars’ confusion grew as he tried to understand. “Does getting married make two people related? What even is ‘getting married’ anyway?”

“Um, uh-” Astrodude winced at the flurry of questions, turning a pleading look to his planet, but Earth merely smiled at him encouragingly. “Marriage is how people choose to show their commitment to each other. It’s basically a contractual agreement of obligations to each other and any potential children. It ideally doesn't happen between related individuals, but when two people get married their respective families are considered related by law.”

“I don’t think I got all that, but thanks for trying, dude.” Mars grimaced at the concept, sharing a bemused look with Earth. “You understood that?”

“Yeah, but only ‘cause I’ve been hearing about it for a while now.” The living planet confirmed, grinning down at Astrodude. “It’s ridiculously common. Even Astrodude has gotten married!”

“Oh, is that what a wife is, then?” Neptune interrupted, his loud question startling the human. At the Earth’s nod, the ice giant grinned back at his friend. “Caelus! I found out what a wife is! It’s a contract!”

“No-wait, that’s not-” Astrodude was swiftly ignored by the two ice giants and gave up entirely when the song came back to drown out any more conversation. Triton might’ve felt bad, but he really didn’t care to understand what a wife was either. Strange Earthlings.

[ODYSSEUS]

And suddenly you doubt that I could figure this out?

“Well, that cyclops mess would’ve shaken anyone’s confidence, honestly.” Venus criticized, eyes narrowed at the ceiling. “He’s saying that like it’s a surprising thing.”

“Maybe he hoped his tricks with the wine and the name would restore their confidence?” Luna offered, his own voice doubtful as he listened. “Shooting at an island probably didn’t help any, though.”

“Eugh, this is ancient Greece, they should be used to random magical stuff like flying islands.” Earth dismissed with a wave. “They’d be more confused if he didn’t have a peek at it.”

[EURYLOCHUS & CREW]

Captain, how much longer til your luck runs out?

How much longer 'til the show goes south?

How much longer 'til we all fall down?

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

“Now the crew is joining in. That's not a good sign.” Titan bit his lip as he considered the lyrics, listening to the other soldiers mixing their voices with Eurylochus’.

“Definitely not.” Callisto agreed, keeping her voice neutral despite the gleam of interest in her eyes. “Eury is undermining him.”

“I-I wouldn’t say it was that bad. Not yet.” Titan corrected with uncertainty, forcing a more optimistic tone with his last words. “I’m sure once they get past this storm, they’ll calm down and trust him again.”

“Hm, maybe.”

How much longer 'til the snake breaks free?

How much longer 'til your great days cease?

How much longer 'til your strength takes leave?

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

“That’s a lot of hypotheticals. Eurylochus should rely a bit more on shutting up.” The Sun snarked, “He’s being rather unfair! None of that stuff is going to happen, Odysseus is fine!”

“For now.” Triton fought to ignore the voice from the back of the room, aiming his glare at the screen instead of the dark mass. X is awfully willing to make comments for a guy who looks half-alive most of the time. 

[ODYSSEUS]

Thank you for the concern but brother I can assure you

Our journey is almost done

“He needs to stop saying that. He’ll jink it.” Earth joked, trying to share a smirk with the human. Unfortunately for the blue-green planet, Astrodude returned only an awkward smile, unsure of what the planet was getting at. 

“Y-yeah.” 

I understand that we're tired

I understand that we're fazed

But don't forget how much we've already faced

I took six hundred men to war and not one of them died there

In case you needed a reminder

“OK, Ody’s really annoyed now.” Ganymede’s anticipatory grin grew as he listened. “He’s not taking this from Eury without a fight.”

“I-I hope t-they don’t f-fight! T-they’re s-supposed to b-be b-brothers!” Io protested stubbornly. 

“Not a real fight, Io. Just a verbal one.” Europa sighed as she leaned back, stretching her arms up and smirking at the speckled moon next to her. “The kind I keep beating you in, right, Callisto?”

“O-oh…i-is he w-winning?” Io asked, either oblivious to the staring contest between his fellow Galilean moons or wilfully ignoring it.

“I’m not sure Europa would be able to tell, even if he was.” Callisto bit back hauntedly.

If you'd like to speak more, let me pull you aside then

I need to talk to you in private

“Ooo, someone's in trouble.” Ariel sing-songed, pushing against Titania and Oberon to lift herself up in her seat. She turned a gleeful smile of amusement to Titania. “It’s like when you tell me I can’t blurt out my first thoughts all the time! Dragging me to the side and getting all serious!”

“Ariel.” Titania’s voice strained with barely contained frustration and embarrassment. The smaller Caeluian moon ducked her head, but the smile remained despite the scolding glare.

Triton couldn’t help a sympathetic smile at her unenviable situation. Stars’ knows the kids have given me more than a few reasons to wish for that duct-tape Luna mentioned once. Mostly Nereid.

I can't have you planting seeds of doubt

I can't have you disagreeing each route

I need you to always be devout and comply with this

Or we'll all die in this

Okay?

“Threatening his friend now? That’s new.” The scathing comment came from Saturn’s moon collection. Dione shook her head at the screen, her mouth turned down in disappointment. 

“He’s right, however. A second-in-command that is constantly doubting the leader in front of the crew is dangerous.” Iapetus returned in a level voice, glancing at Dione out of the corner of his eye. “Even if he has doubts, he shouldn’t spread them to others.”

“So he’s supposed to just sit on it? Ignore it?” Dione swung her head around to stare at the two-tone moon.

“No. He’s supposed to bring it up in private with Odysseus. Then, they can work on a solution without risking more upset.” Iapetus’ continued calm appeared to give Dione pause on her own reaction. The icy moon sighed out a frustrated breath before replying. 

“That only works if Odysseus listens to him.” Dione countered, her gaze moving away from Iapetus to glare at the screen again. “And he doesn’t seem the type for listening, not so far.”

“True. But hopefully now, after this encounter, Odysseus might consider it important enough to listen.” Iapetus offered more hopefully, his own gaze unbroken from the small Earthling boats that fought the waves. 

[EURYLOCHUS]

Okay

[ODYSSEUS]

Thank you

SONG ENDS

“That ‘okay’ sounded hesitant.” Venus pointed out, kicking the air lazily as he stared at the ceiling. 

“As much as I hate to agree with Venus,” Mars muttered, bulldozing over the outraged squeak from the cloudy planet. “Eury did sound uncertain. I don’t think he’s done voicing his worries about this trip.”

“He can complain all he likes once Ody’s little quest to the island is over with.” The Sun’s grin was back on his face, as manic as ever. “I want to see this ‘wind god’ of his. The last two gods were boring!”

“Athena wasn’t boring.” Earth protested, then frowned in thought. “And Zeus was more mean than boring, to be honest. He mostly just vaguely threatened Ody.”

“Precisely! I want to see a real god! One that doesn’t mutter in the background or take insults lying down.” The Sun cackled, the shifting patterns on his surface moving rapidly as he spoke. “Maybe this ‘wind god’ will show Ody his place!” 

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE’

The song picked up immediately with a high-pitched whistling, drawing the attention of even the sleepiest of little moons. The light tone and almost whimsical tune drew down the worry that rose in his core at the strange title. 

“‘Keep your friends close’? Is that a threat? Or advice?” Pluto read the words aloud, considering them with a furrowed brow and confused glances at his friends. “It’s so hard to predict what these titles mean before the song starts.”

“I’d say, given the last song, we should probably hold off any predictions until we hear more.” Makemake suggested, his own curiosity at the question shining through in his focused stare. 

[ODYSSEUS]

Great wind god, Aeolus

“Oh, I was right?” Astrodude sounded pleasantly surprised by this, lifting his head at the name. “I wonder why he’s a god in this version? I’m sure he’s just a man in most retellings.”

“Man, god, astral body, what does it matter? I wanna hear what Ody’s going to say.” Earth grinned from the Earthling to the ceiling. “He spoke so brazenly to Athena, I want to see if he’ll dare to do the same here.”

“I-I don’t think he’d risk annoying another god. Not so soon after the last one, at least.”

I don't know if you know this

But our path to home is blocked by an impenetrable storm

I ask for your assistance

So we at last can go the distance

Can you cast the perfect winds for us and aid our journey home?

“He’s just asking this god to clear their path?” Caelus muttered in disbelief. “And it’s going to work?”

“It does in the original story.” Astrodude confirmed with a quick nod. 

“Aw, this Aeolus fellow must be really nice!” Neptune nudged his friend with a bright grin, tilting his head to the screen. “See, this island is way better than the last one!”

“I wasn’t gonna argue against that, mate.” Caelus rolled his eyes with a half-hearted huff, returning a smaller smile. “I suppose Aeolus is going to sing a little song now. About ‘friends’ of all things?”

“Makes sense, since he’s so friendly!” The darker blue planet laughed at his own words, turning to his moons with that wide grin. “Look, Proteus, we found another nice character!”

“Yay!”

“We haven’t even heard them speak yet, Neptune.” Triton countered, eyeing his overzealous planet wearily as he tried to curve any expectations Proteus might place on this still unseen character. “We can’t know what he’ll be like.”

“Aw, don’t be a downer, Triton.” Neptune returned with a smile, but relented enough to add, “Let’s find out, then!”

[AEOLUS]

Ha ha ha

I am the wind, twisting and turning

I give the fire enough to stay burning

Let's play a game

“A game?” Venus grumbled, his dry voice muffling the words slightly before they reached Triton’s ears. “What kind of game would ‘wind’ even play?”

“Fastest blower? Strongest guster?” Mars tried to guess, pointedly ignoring the choked laugh from the blue-green planet beside him. “Whatever it is, I hope it’s something a human actually has a chance at winning.”

[ODYSSEUS]

A game?

[AEOLUS]

That's what I'm serving

And if you win, you will get what you're yearning

[ODYSSEUS]

Deal

“At least they do seem nice. Nice enough to give him a chance to get help, at least.” Haumea mused while the song ran on, ringing one hand around the other as he spoke. “It would be better if they just helped without all this extra fuss, though.”

“Well, that wouldn’t make for much of a story, would it?” Makemake flashed an excitable smile at the ringed dwarf planet. “Where’s the stakes? The intrigue? The tension?”

“I-I guess the story would get rather dull…it would still be annoying in real life, though.” Haumea conceded with a sigh, dropping his grip on his hands. “Having to complete vague, meaningless trials to get anything done.”

“Isn’t that what we do for fun anyway?” Triton couldn’t resist pointing out, tilting his sunglasses to look Haumea in the eye, recalling the last game he’d had the patience to sit through. As fun as the sessions could be, too many in a row tended to get rather tedious; an endless line of odd enemies or strange obstacles blocking their path to a random goal. 

“True. Maybe we should include some gods in the next game!” Makemake exclaimed, solidifying Triton’s conviction to skip out on the next session.

[AEOLUS]

Take a look right here at this bag

It has the winds of the storm all trapped

All you gotta do is not open this bag

“How is that a game?” Earth frowned, checking with his Earthling as he continued. “I’m sure it wasn’t framed as a game in the original, was it?”

“I-I don’t believe so, no. Aeolus just gave them a bag filled with three of the four winds and told them to be on their way.” Astrodude agreed hastily, adding onto at the end, “He actually let them stay for a month to rest and talk with his family.”

“Well, that’s nicer than just a wind bag, I suppose.” Luna noted dryly, pulling his legs away from the edge of their seat as Phobos and Deimos excitedly ran past. 

“Aeolus has a family up there?” Mercury inquired curiously, casting a doubtful look at the high sky island on the screen. “Seems unsafe for a squishy Earthling.”

“Again, it’s not a flying island in the original epic.” Astrodude reiterated before elaborating. “And yes, he had a wife and twelve kids. Six sons and six daughters. Who were married to each other.”

“Wait, but you said-”

“I know. It’s ancient Greece, people were weird.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Sounds too easy, what's the catch?

[AEOLUS, WINIONS]

Ha ha ha

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

(Never really know who you can trust)

“What’s that supposed to mean? What is he implying?” Enceladus sat forward with a suspicious glare directed towards the screen. “What does a silly ‘wind bag’ have to do with friends? Or enemies for that matter!”

“It’s a common saying with my Earthlings.” Earth piped up, turning in his spot to glance back at Enceladus. “It’s about keeping a close eye on people who might act against you, even more closely than you watch your friends, so you aren’t caught off guard by it.”

“Sounds shifty. And paranoid.” Mimas sniffed judgmentally, throwing a small smirk at a smaller moon beside him. “Like you.”

“Hey!” Pan barked back at the moon, glaring at the unexpected comment. “You know what you did! I was completely justified!”

If they wanna get the bag open, you gotta say "no, sir"

(Sometimes killing is a must)

[ODYSSEUS]

What?

“What did that voice say?” Saturn warily questioned, tightening his fingers’ grip on the sides on his seat. “Did it say something about killing? Oh dear!”

“I can barely hear them.” Caelus’s reply continued as he seemed to run the words back through his head. “If it did say that, I have no clue why. Why does Aeolus even have backup singers?”   

“They sound like the lotus eaters from before, all tiny and squeaky.” Ariel pointed out helpfully, grinning ear to ear. “Maybe some of them live with him? A flying island must be tons more fun than one full of lotuses and cyclopes!”

“If it is the same species, that explains the ominous muttering.” Miranda noted beside her, rolling a pencil she’d nicked from Caelus along the edge of the bean bag. “Those little guys are trouble.”

[AEOLUS]

'Cause the end always justifies the means

(Friends turn into foes and rivalries)

“I’ve definitely changed my mind, Aeolus is not nice.” Larissa decided, crossing her arms over her chest. “He’s trying to make Ody worried!”

“Worried about what? All he’s gotta do is keep the bag closed and tell his friends to leave it alone.” Despina wiggled around until she could see her sibling. “What’s he got to be worried about?”

“I-I don’t like the way they said it, is all.” Larissa grumbled, struggling to voice what was getting on her nerves about that line. Triton reckoned he had a pretty good idea as to what had upset her. ‘Ends justifies the means’ never seems to be followed by anything good. The Moon Revolution was a harsh example of that.

So keep your friends close and your enemies closer

(Never really know who you can trust Never really know who you can trust)

“That’s it? They weren’t very threatening. Is no god in this story any fun?” The Sun complained, languishing in his seat with a bored sigh. “All they did was sing about ominous fortunes again!” 

“What did you want Aeolus to do? Throw him off the island?” Mercury’s comment stirred a shrugged sigh from the star.

“Something at least!” He exclaimed. “Something more than handing him a bag.”

“It’s a bag filled with a storm, however. That could be dangerous.” Jupiter put in slowly, glancing once again at the storm-filled sky of the screen. After that first song, Triton had been sure the storm’s relevance was over, but maybe not…

[PERIMEDES]

Captain, what's happening?

[PERIMEDES & ELPENOR]

What's trapped in that bag?

“Stars, let the dude breathe for a second.” Mars chided under his breath, “He only just got back and they’re all over him like little moons.”

“Hey! We’re not like that!” Phobos protested, but his brother’s words immediately contradicted him.

“No, yeah. That’s fair. We’re annoying!”

[ODYSSEUS]

Something dangerous, friends

We mustn't lag

[WINIONS]

It's treasure!

“Shit.” Earth hissed through his teeth. “Well, that lasted all of two seconds.”

“Yeah, knowing you humans, the allure of anything shiny is too strong for them to resist.” Luna joined in, much to Astrodude’s indignation.

“We are not that bad.” He tried to defend, but his planet and moon side-eyed him with identical expressions of disbelief.

“Dude, you guys dig around in my surface for shiny things almost constantly.” Earth refuted with a huff. “You even create shiny things in labs, just ‘cause you want to!”

“I-I…well, I guess you have a point there.”

[ODYSSEUS]

What?

[WINIONS]

Buh-bye!

“Chaotic little things, aren’t they?” Saturn frowned in dismay at the awkward situation the small voices had created for Odysseus. “I hope his crew ignores them.”

“I would hope they trust their captain enough to take his word over that of mysterious voices.” Iapetus hummed thoughtfully. “But, as we heard in the last song, the crew are restless at the moment.”

“Oh dear. This game isn’t very fun at all.” The ringed giant complained, his eyebrows dipping in mild annoyance. “Aeolus isn’t playing fair.”

[PERIMEDES]

Open the bag

[ELPENOR]

Let's see what you got

[ODYSSEUS]

No, do not

“At least he’s being firm with them.” Ganymede noted approvingly, pulling his shoulders back as he listened. “After that mess with Eury, who knows how the soldiers will react.”

“He just needs to tell them what it is.” Europa agreed, her voice sprinkled with mild annoyance. “They’re not stupid. They won’t risk a storm on the boat.”

“We don’t actually have any evidence that they’re not stupid.” Callisto pointed out passively, then added in a lower voice, “Also, this is a test of trust, not intellect. They have to trust his word that it’s not treasure.”

“W-why would h-he lie?” Io asked in confusion, turning to the dark speckled moon. She returned his look with a deadpan stare.

“He’s lied before. A lot.” 

Everybody listen closely

See how this bag is closed?

That's how it's supposed to be

This sounds just like trying to explain stuff to the kids. Triton sighed to himself, feeling a hint of sympathy for Odysseus’ plight. Getting them to drop something they're curious about is like dragging something out of a black hole.

“Maybe they are stupid? If he’s resorting to this level of explaining.” Dione scoffed, a smirk crawling onto her face. “I think I’d be insulted, if I was in his crew.”

This bag has the storm inside

We cannot let the treasure rumour fly

[PERIMEDES & ELPENOR]

We'll try

“I somehow feel like they won’t try very hard.” Mercury hesitated, then added, “But at least he told them what’s really in it. Even if they might not believe him.”

“They better believe him or this game is over.” Mars furrowed his brow in worry. “I wonder why Aeolus even chose this game? What does he get out of it?”

“Entertainment?” Earth suggested with a begrudging smile. “That’s usually what the gods want.”

“Seems cruel.” Mercury bit his lip as he considered this. 

“Yeah, that’s the Greek gods for yah.”

[AEOLUS, CREW, WINIONS]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

Never really know who you can trust

(Never really know who you can trust)

Now they wanna get the bag open so they can have closure

Sometimes sneaking is a must

(Sometimes sneaking is a must)

“Aeolus is literally taunting him now!” Proteus grumbled, unfolding his legs so he could sit up on Triton's lap. “Neptune, are we ever actually going to find a nice character?” 

The blue ice giant froze, caught off guard by the question and clearly unsure of an answer, before turning an unsure smile to the little moon. Usually, Triton would at least try to help, either by answering himself or deflecting the kids’ attention, but this situation was entirely of Neptune’s own creation. Maybe now he’ll stop getting the kids hopes up about things we can’t be certain of.

“I-I’m sure we will at some point.” Neptune tried, then added in a light tone. “But maybe we need to change our criteria a little bit? Aeolus hasn’t killed anyone, which is an improvement."

“Yet.” Triton couldn’t help but add, unimpressed by his planet’s answer. “And that’s a really low bar for a ‘nice character’, Neptune.”

“Half the cast are still under it, though.” Nereid pointed out unhelpfully, nudging Proteus as she spoke. “Why’d you want a nice character anyway? These guys are funny!”

“Murder isn’t funny, Nereid.” Proteus pouted, but his sister only stuck her tongue out childishly at him.

'Cause the end always justifies the means

Everything's changed since Polites, so

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

Never really know who you can trust

(Never really know who you can trust)

“The crew is upset about Polites? I mean, it makes sense. But what’s changed?” Mars queried, catching the words of the song as it floated on.

“Maybe it’s not about Polites’ death, but the impact he’s had on Ody’s behaviour. We already heard that Eury was upset about how ‘nice’ Ody was being.” Jupiter suggested carefully, frowning at the idea as he offered it. “It is likely all his men are of a similar mindset. That ‘open arms’ is not an acceptable strategy.”

“To be fair to them, it hasn’t exactly been working out for them either.” Mars muttered with a stiff jaw, pursing his lips at the thought.

[ODYSSEUS]

For nine days, I've stayed wide awake

Trying to make it home with no storm or tidal wave

“Um, isn’t that really unhealthy for Earthlings?” Luna eyed the human beside them. “Staying awake for that long?”

“Yep.” Astrodude confirmed, holding his breath for a second before letting it out as a sigh. “I think the longest I’ve ever stayed awake was three days, and even that felt like having my brain boiled. It took almost two weeks for my eyes to stop slipping closed every time I sat down.”

“That sounds…inadvisable.” Luna grimaced, then asked, “So, what would nine days do to a human? How’s Ody going to feel?”

“Not good! I’m not a doctor, but the stress that would put on a person’s heart, immune system, and mental health would be potentially deadly.” Astrodude informed the moon, his own tone growing more worried. “I don’t think Ody would be feeling anything other than absolutely horrible.”

“Stars, you Earthlings really are delicate, aren't you?” Venus muttered rhetorically, turning his head slightly to see the human. “If we had to sleep every time we turned on our axis, we’d never get anything done.”

I remain unopposed, the bag is still closed

And I'm getting closer to you

[CREW]

Penelope

[ODYSSEUS]

I can't wait to make some new memories

“Oh, he just really wants to get home.” Rhea whispered softly, her eyes dipping down as the song took on a more gentle tone. “They’re so close now.”

“Too close.” Dione shook her head and heaved a sigh. “I don’t like this. This trip isn’t over, is it?”

When her gaze and question fell on the Earthling and his planet, both averted their eyes and pretended not to have heard her. Triton took that as a sign to expect the worst.

[CREW]

Telemachus

[ODYSSEUS]

Time for me to be the father I never was

“Would Telemachus remember him?” Oberon wondered aloud, “He was little when he left, wasn't he?”

“Yeah, a year at most, probably less. Too young to remember him.” Astrodude sighed, and Triton thought he could see a slight shine to the human's eyes. “We only really retain memories from four years old and onwards, and even then they tend to be vague and incomplete. I suppose you celestials have better memories than that?”

“Um…most of the time?” Saturn awkwardly replied, ignoring the looks coming from all corners of the room. “We’re kind of forgetful, though normally for a reason. I mean, I forgot my moons’ names and I completely forgot one of my poor moons even existed! And Neptune forgot-”

“He doesn’t need to know all that, my friend.” Jupiter interrupted, pulling one of Saturn’s hands into his own. The ringed giant halted and blushed, mumbling a quick apology under his breath.

[PENELOPE & TELEMACHUS]

Just keep your eyes open

[ODYSSEUS]

Why are my eyes and my heart and my soul so heavy?

“Probably because you’ve been awake way beyond the recommended limit for humans.” Earth commented with a worried sigh, resting his head against his arm, his elbow propped on one knee. 

“Does he really distrust his crew that much? Can no one else watch the bag for a bit? Not even Eury?” Mars questioned, absentmindedly pulling Deimos back from an attempt to jump on his brother. “Maybe he really is paranoid?” 

“Aeolus didn’t help any, either. Putting that worry in his head, and planting that idea in the crew.” Luna twisted his fingers together as he spoke, trying to let out some excess anxious energy. “This feels ominous."

[PENELOPE & TELEMACHUS]

Just keep your eyes open

[ODYSSEUS]

I keep on trying to embrace you both

Why won't you let me?

“He’s fallen asleep? Or is he hallucinating?” The question from the smallest planet turned the heads of both the Earthling and his planet. “Is that something sleep deprivation does?”

“Yeah, and after only a few days too. Lack of sleep basically gives us psychos-like symptoms after around three days.” Astrodude shivered, frowning to himself. “I’m more surprised he hasn’t been hallucinating before this. Nine days in is impressive.”

“Let’s not congratulate that.”

[PENELOPE & TELEMACHUS]

Just keep your eyes open

[ODYSSEUS]

So much has changed but I'm the same

Yes I'm the same

“A bit more blood on his hands, sure, but the same.” Planet X’s sarcastic mutter echoed from the back, reminding Triton that he was there at all. The dark planet had lifted his head at some point to peer at the screen, his frown visible even in the shadowed corner. “Is his child singing alongside his wife, or am I hearing things?”

“I think Teley is singing too! Which is cute, even if he really shouldn’t know what he sounds like.” Neptune tapped his chin in thought before adding, “Unless Earthling babies can sing! Which would also be cute!”

“I-I suppose?” Planet X didn’t appear to know what to do with that reply, and Triton was almost sympathetic to the utterly confused expression on his face.

[PENELOPE & TELEMACHUS]

Just keep your eyes open

[ENSEMBLE]

Just keep your eyes open

[PENELOPE]

Wake up!

Wake up, Odysseus, they're opening the bag

Wake up!

“Oh Stars, the crew couldn’t help themselves, could they?” Europa hissed rhetorically, glaring at the screen. “You’re right Callisto, they are stupid.”

“D-did you j-just admit t-that C-C-Callisto was r-right about s-something?” Io laughed, elbowing the darker moon beside him. “D-did you h-hear that, C-Callisto?”

“Indeed I did, Io.” Callisto turned a rare smirk to Europa, her amusement gleaming in her eyes. Quickly remembering to fix his embarrassing expression, Triton averted his gaze and stared hard at the floor, trying to ignore the way his sunglasses were slipping. Get it together, man.

[ODYSSEUS]

No!

[AEOLUS, CREW, WINIONS]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

Never really know who you can trust

(Never really know who you can trust)

Storm

(Full speed ahead)

“Great, now they’re back in the storm!” Hyperion threw up his arms as he exclaimed, letting them fall back down dramatically. “They just went in a circle!”

“And those tiny voices are laughing at them.” Enceladus noted, looking all at once very tired. “I can see why they named exhaustingly long journeys after this guy. I’m already tired of this!”

[ODYSSEUS]

Where's the storm taking us?

“Where are they going? Do you remember that part?” Luna asked his planet, who nodded after a few seconds of consideration.

“I’m pretty sure they literally just get sent back to Aeolia, Aeolus’ island.” Earth recalled with a chuckle. “And then Aeolus kicks them off again because they clearly have terrible luck or bad vibes or something.”

“Fair reaction. If they couldn’t even make it to an island only a few days away without opening a bag, they definitely have something going on.” Luna laughed, turning back to the screen as the music picked up again.

[AEOLUS]

I said to keep the bag closed, but you weren't compliant

“It’s not his fault he has a terrible crew.” Venus spoke up indignantly. 

“Actually, it probably is. He’s the captain and the king, he could have picked whoever he liked.” Astrodude corrected, then realised who he was correcting and shrank back warily. Venus didn’t appear to notice the odd reaction, still facing the ceiling from his reclined position.

“Oh, well, I stand corrected then. It is his fault.”

If I had to guess? You're heading to the

[AEOLUS & WINIONS]

Land of the giants

“Giants? Like, other than the cyclopes from before? More giants?” The Sun sounded incredulous at the idea, swinging around to stare at the human. “What are these ones then? Do they only have one ear this time? One nostril? Two heads?”

“Um, no. As far as I remember, the Laestry…” He trailed off, struggling to finish the word. “-somethings, are just huge men who eat humans. Cannibal giants, basically.”

“Lovely. Why are so many of these islands covered in monsters?” The Sun glared at the human, wilting the small figure further into the bean bag. “You’d think the gods would deal with them.”

“Ah, well, most of the monsters were the gods' children.” Astrodude offered his own planet an apologetic side-eye as he continued. “These giants are considered descendants of Gaia and Poseidon…unfortunately.” 

“...I don’t even want to know how that happened.” Earth’s strained expression of disgust must have mirrored Triton’s own. These stories just keep getting weirder and grosser every time.

[CREW]

Storm, storm

[ODYSSEUS]

Help me close the bag

[EURYLOCHUS]

But sir, it's too late

[ODYSSEUS]

We can save whatever wind is left to use another day

Come on!

“Smart, I suppose?” Triton tried to imagine a situation where having a bag of wind would actually serve a positive purpose. “Though I can’t see how you’d use it.”

“On demand localized destruction? I could think of a few scenarios where that would be quite fun indeed!” Makemake offered with a bright grin, adjusting his own glasses to peer over at Triton. “You are clearly not thinking outlandishly enough, my friend!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll work on it.” He muttered back with a small smile, rolling his eyes at Makemake’s words. I hope he doesn't make that an item in the next game. Oh, who am I kidding? He definitely will.

His attention returned to the song as the music gradually but noticeably shifted, a low, all-encompassing rumble taking over the sound of the storm. The sudden quiet lifted the heads of the celestials around him as the room took notice of the change.

[MYSTERIOUS VOICE]

Odysseus of Ithaca

Do you know who I am?

SONG ENDS

“Um, no? Should he?” Caelus frowned at the new, loud voice. “Whoever they are, they’re angry.”

“Maybe it’s those giant cannibals that Astrodude mentioned?” Miranda suggested to her planet, shifting up in her seat to lean against Titania more securely. “They sound scary!”

“The voice clearly already knows who Odysseus is.” Titania mused, resting her head absentmindedly on Miranda’s as the smaller moon shuffled closer. “I wonder if Odysseus does know them?”

“We won’t know more until we move to the next song.” Caelus concluded, glancing down at his moons before looking back to the screen as the new title appeared.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘RUTHLESSNESS’

“Ruthlessness?” Deimos read the title out, leaning from his planet to stare at the screen. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing good.” Mars hummed, considering the word. “A pissed off guy with a lack of pity is probably the last thing this trip needs. I still can’t believe his men screwed up so close to home!”

“I guess he was right to be paranoid, then?” Mercury sighed, tensing as the song began to softly play.

The faint sound of waves registered first, the abrupt silence from the end of the last song seemingly having spread to this one. After a few seconds, a rapid repeating set of notes rose, growing minutely louder.

Triton felt himself grow both cautious and curious as the song began. He wondered what sort of character warranted an introduction like this. The tone was anticipatory, as if something was getting closer, the turning waves still audible in the background. Finally, the song seemed to hold its breath, silencing for a second before crashing down far louder, startling the room. 

[LAESTRYGONIANS]

Poseidon, Poseidon, Poseidon, Poseidon, Poseidon, Poseidon, Poseidon

Despite the thunderous beat that dominated the music, Triton had no trouble identifying the name that was being repeated. And neither did the kids, it seemed. Oh great.

“Poseidon! Hey, Neptune! It’s you!” Nereid’s excitement fuelled the rest, turning their semi-peaceful bean bag into a swarm of hyper moons. Triton didn’t even attempt to still them, well aware that it wasn’t going to work. 

“Proteus! He can be your new favourite character!” Despina giggled, slapping her hand on the larger moon’s arm to get his attention.

“Oh, yeah!” Proteus shot up with a grin, joining in with the excited whisperings of the other moons. 

“Welll, it’s myth-me, not real me. Big difference!" Neptune’s voice was as cheerful as ever while correcting Nereid, but Triton's eye caught on the way his planet's gaze was struggling to stay on her face. He’s nervous. And maybe I should be too.

[ODYSSEUS]

Poseidon

“Ody’s dead. He’s so dead.” Earth’s unhelpful muttering was the least of Triton's concern at that second. 

The way Odysseus had echoed that name so fearfully was setting him on edge. He’d heard very little about the mythological counterpart to his planet, and what he had heard hadn’t sounded pleasant. Great. Just my luck, all the kids are going to get excited about this character now, and it’s going to blow up in our faces.

[POSEIDON]

In all my years of living

It isn't very often that I get pissed off

I try to chill with the waves

But damn, you crossed the line

“He’s the sea god, right?” Titan asked, receiving a quick nod from the human, then added, “So…was he the one behind that storm earlier?”

“That would make the most sense.” Jupiter agreed, sending a split second glance towards Neptune and his gaggle of moons. “His domain reflects his anger at Odysseus in the form of a sea storm.”

“Why is he mad? I mean, there’s plenty of reasons to be mad at Ody, but what’s Poseidon’s issue?” Ganymede questioned, and Triton found himself similarly interested in the answer.

He couldn’t pinpoint anything Odysseus had done that would offend the sea god specifically. The lyrics suggested Poseidon was hard to anger, though Triton was having doubts about that given the only previous mention of the god had involved drowning a human. That was at least one major difference between the myth and his planet. It was hard to imagine Neptune getting ‘pissed off’ about anything, honestly. 

I've been so gracious

And yet, you hurt this son of mine

Ah, that might actually be the only thing that would do it. Triton felt their seat shift slightly as his planet tensed further, unnoticed by the little moons sitting around him. He tried not to recall the furious, dangerous look he’d spied in Neptune’s eyes when Proteus had confronted Planet X, and the way he’d feared for a minute that his planet was about to attack the dark ice giant.

“Ody hurt his son? When? Who?” Pluto’s unanswered questions turned in Triton's own mind. 

He didn’t recall any previous mention of a son of Poseidon, and he was cautiously optimistic that he’d have recognised them if they had. The origins of Neptune’s moons’ names had been one of the few myths Neptune had actually told them, listing them off when the kids needed a story to settle down with. And while he’d been rather annoyed by his own name’s myth in the past, recent developments had shifted his perspective on it. Well, I know my name wasn’t mentioned, I suspect I would have noticed that, but these gods seem to have many, many children beyond the main ones. 

That's right, the cyclops you made blind, is mine

[ODYSSEUS]

No

“Polyphemus is Poseidon’s kid?” Venus’ frown turned into a grimace as he side-eyed the blue ice giant. “No offence, but that’s a really unfortunate-looking kid.”

“Well, he doesn’t seem to have a great track record of ‘good-looking’ kids anyway.” Mars pointed out. “They’re literally near an island full of his cannibalistic giants.”

“Is that just what all of Poseidon's kids are like, then?” Mercury asked more curiously, turning to Earth and his human. For a brief second, Triton worried his own counterpart had been a monstrous cyclops too, but he beat the worry down. I would have remembered that, I’d hope. I’m pretty sure he was just a fish-person... whatever that means. “Are all the cyclopes his?”

“Probably not? The original text only mentions Polyphemus as his son, but some later interpretations call all the cyclopes his kids.” Astrodude revealed, not helping Triton's surety in his own memory. “But the original cyclopes weren’t his at all. They were Uranus and Gaia’s.”

“Oh ew, stop bringing that stuff up.” Earth gagged, glaring at the human. “I don’t wanna hear about all the weird offspring my counterpart had! It’s too many!”

“Wow, Gaia really gets around. Two ice giants already!” Mars laughed, only to have his foot stepped on pointedly by the living planet. “Ow! Alright, sorry! Geez…”

[POSEIDON, LAESTRYGONIANS]

I'm left without a choice

And without a doubt

Guess the pack of wolves is swimming with the shark now

Triton did not like where this seemed to be headed. Poseidon’s words dripped with a furious anger as he sang, almost shouting the lyrics. What’s he planning to do to Odysseus?

“Wolves? Shark? What’s he going on about?” Saturn’s confusion leaked into his voice. “I thought they were humans?”

“They are, or at least Odysseus and the crew are, so it’s probably just a reference to animals associated with them. Though sharks aren’t really Poseidon’s usual animal.” Astrodude’s recollection up to this point had been rather impressive, but the human’s memory seemed to falter here. “I-I think the ‘wolves’ are alluding to one of Ody’s ancestors? I don’t remember their name, but they were a demi-god with a name that translated to ‘the wolf himself’? Wolves are pack hunters, similar to humans, so we like to compare ourselves to them.”

“Autolykos? I don’t recall his myths, but that name translates similarly, if I remember correctly.” Jupiter put in helpfully, casting his eye towards the living planet as he added. “And I suppose a ‘shark’ is some creature from your surface as well?”

“Yep! One of the oldest lineages, actually. There’s a ton of species, but most are streamlined predators with an amazing set of senses for underwater hunting.” Earth explained to the room at large. “Their teeth grow in rows as they age, so they always have new ones ready when they fall out! They also don’t have bone tissue like most other chordates, and instead their skeleton is made from cartilage which-”

“Earth. That’s enough.” 

I've gotta make you bleed

I need to see you drown

Ah, there it is. Triton winced, watching the kids warily as Poseidon spat his threats. While the little moons appeared taken aback by the vicious nature of this god, curling and pressing against each other, Neptune seemed almost frozen. Face blank, as if he’d gotten stuck in his brain again. Triton squashed down his initial internal sigh at the sight, and instead tried to keep his focus on the kids, and subsequently their focus on him.

“W-What is he going to do?” Thalassa’s small question rose from the huddle, her eyes wavering from her planet to the largest moon. 

Now it was Triton’s turn to freeze. What do I tell them? I can’t lie, the song will almost certainly contradict me, but I really don’t want to explain that this god with their planet’s name is probably angry enough to-

“He’s very angry, Thalassa.” Neptune’s soft, almost distracted voice broke into Triton's racing thoughts, causing him to glance up in surprise. He must have snapped out of it when Triton was distracted. But, when the moon stared into his planet’s eyes, he could still detect the tell-tale vagueness shimming behind them. “The gods can do very bad things when they’re angry.”

“A-are the humans going to be alright?” Naiad asked quietly.

“Of course they are!” Halimede’s eyes narrowed as she continued in her affronted tone. “He can’t hurt them, ‘cause hurting others when you’re angry is wrong! Isn’t it?”

“It is, Halimede, but that doesn’t always stop it from happening.” Triton was torn between his usual amusement at Halimede’s determination to make everything ‘fair’, and his anticipation that Poseidon was definitely not bound or concerned by such rules. 

But before you go, I need to make you learn how

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

(Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves)

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

Ourselves

“Hm, it is a strange logic, but maybe not unfounded in this world.” Iapetus mused, shuffling to the side as Hyperion tried to wiggle his way past him to a new spot with a bit more space. “Many characters in this seem to disregard kindness as little more than foolishness. Even Athena warned him off of it.”

“Not a very nice world, then.” Hyperion added as he squeezed by, glaring at the screen. “Why’s ruthlessness a better option?”

“It may just be self-preservation. Poseidon definitely seems to think so.” Dione noted coldly, keeping her face turned to the blue-grey screen despite Hyperion’s elbow narrowly missing her head.

“It reminds me of what Polyphemus said in his song before.” Tethys brought up hesitantly, turning to Iapetus for his input. “About teaching Ody a lesson before he ate him…Is he going to eat them too?”

“I-I would hope not.” The half-and-half moon shivered, disconcerted by the thought. “But you never know with these stories, or these Earthlings.”

You are the worst kind of good

'Cause you're not even great

A Greek who reeks of false righteousness

That's what I hate

“Is it wrong that I kind of agree with him?” Miranda whispered, only to meet with a chorus of ‘yes’ from her fellow moons. “Ha, right, I was just kidding, guys.”

“While I would not go so far as to agree with him, Poseidon clearly has his reasons for feeling that way.” Jupiter considered his next words carefully before proceeding, his eyes drawn to the screen rather than the other celestials. “Odysseus hurt his son, even if Polyphemus was also guilty of cruelty in that encounter, and stole his sheep. From his perspective, Odysseus’ preaching of ‘open arms’ was false.”

“Ody tried to trade that wine, though. He tried to be nice, Poly just made it impossible!” Elara broke in with a huff, leveraging her planet’s arm to pull herself up further. “And he didn’t kill him!”

“Well, Astrodude already said the Ancient Greeks had messed up views about that stuff.” Ganymede reminded the smaller Jovian moon. “Blinding him might be meaner to him than just killing him.”

“Earthlings are weird."

'Cause you fight to save lives

But won't kill and don't get the job done

“Okay, yeah, Poseidon is definitely crazy.” Caelus quipped with a frown, before wincing and turning to the planet beside him. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean you or anything, Neptune.”

“I know! It’s just a story, right?” Neptune grinned widely at his friend despite his wandering eye-contact. “And you can call me crazy if you want!”

“N-no, what? Neptune, I’m not going to insult you like that.” Caelus drew back from the blue planet, his eyes flicking over his face in confusion. “W-what are you going on about?”

“Wellll, it’s true, isn’t it? So it’s not an insult!” Neptune looked nearly as confused as Caelus now, and Triton was close behind. 

This wasn’t the first odd thing Neptune had said to Caelus recently, it had been something of a pattern since the mess with X. Neither him or Caelus had really been able to work out what was going on, so Triton had settled for just keeping an eye on it. It’ll work itself out…it’s not like they’re arguing anymore, so it’s not really something I can help with. Not that I want to or anything.

I mean you totally could have avoided all this

Had you just killed my son

But no

“What?” The Sun frowned, tossing his hair from his face to glare at the ceiling. “What is he saying? Did he want Odysseus to kill his son?”

“Maybe he really is crazy?” Mars lowered his voice to comment, glancing at his fellow rocky planets for their reactions.

“I don’t think he wanted Ody to kill him. Maybe Astrodude’s right and he just thinks it would have been the kinder thing to do?” Earth speculated before shaking his head in dismay. “Or the gods are even more messed up than I remember.”

You are far too nice

Mercy has a price

It's the final crack, we're about to break the ice now

“Why do so many of the characters hate being nice?” Proteus complained with a whine, flopping down in defeat. “This whole story is mean.”

“Sorry, kid. That’s just how these things are sometimes.” Triton patted the little moon on the back, hoping that his meagre words might help. Going by the exaggerated huff, it wasn’t working. “Come on, this can be fun even if you don’t like any of the characters. The songs are nice to listen to, aren’t they?”

“...I guess.” Proteus grumbled, rolling over to glare at him. Triton returned the look with an easy smile, shifting his sunglasses back into place with one hand. “I like Poseidon’s voice. He sounds cool.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s something to like then.”  

You reveal your name

Then you let him live

“Oh.” Titania’s low whisper of realization was mirrored in the expressions of the room. “Athena was right.”

“That stupid speech.” Europa hissed through her teeth, whipping her head towards Ganymede. “He basically gave Poly his name and location. No wonder Poseidon found them!”

“And if he’d killed him, there would’ve been no one to tell Poseidon that information.” Ganymede connected the dots, grimacing as he did. “M-maybe Poseidon has a point? Killing him might have been the smarter move.”

“That doesn’t mean he should have killed him.” Mars added testily, shaking his head slowly as he spoke. “He should have kept his mouth shut. It can’t all be blamed on being nice.”

“Yeah, well, we know the ‘niceness’ of that act is debatable till the Stars burn out.” Venus snarked, rolling his head to glance at Mars. “But, even if he’d kept his gob quiet, the god of the sea probably could’ve found them anyway.”

“Ugh, so he really did have to kill Poly? That’s not fair at all.” Ganymede frowned heavily.

Unlike you I've got no mercy left to give 'cause

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

(Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves)

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

Ourselves

“What’s he going to do to Ody?” Sao had somehow wiggled his way into leaning on Triton's shoulder, his bright eyes inches from his own as he spoke. I wish they’d stop asking me that. 

“I don’t know, kid. Maybe if you sit down and stay quiet it might tell you?” Triton’s words rolled off his tongue as easy as breathing, the routine familiar now after so many of these videos and songs. The curiosity of the kids was always at full force, so after a while he just had to give up on other answers. I don’t know any more than you do.

“Hm, well, he is a sea god, so I imagine that might play into it.” Makemake butted in, igniting the little moon’s interest anew. Ugh. “And since it sounds like they are still in the ocean, or at least nearby it, Poseidon is not without options.”

“That’s really not helping.” Triton muttered into his ear, watching that while Sao's eyes lit up in fascination, his siblings shivered in mild horror. Makemake turned an apologetic smile to him as the pink-ish dwarf planet also noticed the impact of his words.

“Oh! Sorry, my friend, I didn’t mean to upset anyone.” He chuckled lightly, backing away from the mess he instigated. Triton glared half-heartedly after him, letting it slip into a tired smile after a few seconds. I’ll get him to babysit for a few orbits for that.

And now it is finally time

To say goodbye

Today, you die

Unless, of course, you apologize

For my son's pain

And all his cries

“Ody has to apologise! He can’t fight a god!” Rhea pleaded, staring incredulously at the ceiling. “He’s going to apologise, right?”

“Let’s hope so.” Saturn twisted one hand around his wrist as he worried at the lyrics. “I don’t want even more Earthlings to get hurt!”

“It seems odd that Poseidon is willing to stop for a simple apology.” Titan noted carefully, turning to his fellow moons.

“Maybe he isn’t?” Enceladus suggested in a quieter voice, “He sounded pretty certain that Ody was going to die.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Poseidon, we meant no harm

We only hurt him to disarm him

We took no pleasure in his pain

We only wanted to escape

“That’s not a real apology.” Ariel wrinkled her nose at the words, nudging Titania’s side. “You said I have to say the word ‘sorry’ for an apology to count!”

“While that’s probably a good rule of thumb, I don’t think all apologies need that.” Caelus turned to Jupiter with a hesitant frown, “Do they?”

“I’m sure an apology can be communicated without it, but it certainly helps.” The largest gas giant advised, his own frown of concern building across his face. “I’m more worried that Ody’s ‘apology’ was entirely excuses, not remorse.”

“Do you think Poseidon will notice?” Caelus asked curiously.

“I’m not certain it even matters.”

[POSEIDON]

The line between naïveté and

Hopefulness is almost invisible

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Earth raised an eyebrow at the words, puzzling them over.

“I think he’s calling him a fool.” Luna offered nonchalantly, his own eyes fixed on a hole he’d picked into the side of their bean bag. A small river of white balls were pouring out.

“For apologizing badly?”

“For believing he’d ever accept an apology.” Luna clarified, raising his head from the bean bag destruction. Earth eyed it with an exasperated expression.

“Why did you do that? We still have to sit on this.”

“It just happened. These things are really flimsy, actually.” Luna indicated to the hole, shrugging. Earth slapped his hand over the hole with an exhausted sigh and tried to focus back on the song. 

So close your heart

The world is dark and

[LAESTRYGONIANS]

Ruthlessness is mercy-

[POSEIDON]

Die

The sudden crash of waves that almost seemed to slam into their ears after that last word forced Triton to abruptly balance a handful of moons that had sprung into his arms. While he tried to move them into a more comfortable hold, he noted the rest had similarly leapt at Neptune, who was slowly counting them under his breath. 

[LAESTRYGONIANS, SOLDIERS]

Ruthlessness is (Captain) mercy upon our- (Captain)

Ruthlessness is (Captain) mercy upon our- (Captain)

“He can’t save them?” Mercury squeaked, pulled back from the noise that roared over the listening celestials.

“What’s he supposed to do? Poseidon is a god.” Earth pointed out in a drawn out breath, clenching his jaw at the chaos.

“A real god! This is more like it! A true show of power!” The Sun grinned excitedly, only to notice the room’s stares. “Oh, don’t be like that! It’s not real, so no one is actually hurt.”

The star pointedly ignored the looks that were quickly exchanged between the rockies, his full focus on the song raging on.

Ruthlessness is (Captain) mercy upon our- (Captain)

Ruthlessness is (Captain)

The silence that settled as the waves fell into the background again echoed around the room, punctuating the violent water and cries from only a few seconds ago. 

“A-are they dead?” Larissa poked her head out of the huddle, warily listening out for more cries from the crew. Triton sighed, preparing to answer her question, and quickly glancing at Neptune to try and gauge what he was thinking.  

The blue ice giant was staring vaguely at the floor, the distance in his eyes telling Triton that his planet was thinking hard about something. Whether that ‘something’ was Larissa's question or the last few seconds of the song, he couldn’t discern. Guess I’m on my own.

“Yeah- um, I mean, yes, Larissa. I suspect so.” He fumbled out, gently trying to place a few of the little moons back in his lap instead of his arms. Larissa’s crumbling expression and the renewed whining from the group forced him to swallow a grimace. Not the softest way you could've phrased that, dude.

[ODYSSEUS]

What have you done?

[ENSEMBLE]

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

[POSEIDON]

Forty three left under your command

“H-he k-killed all t-the other s-ships? A-and c-counted the s-survivors?” Io stammered out incredulously. “T-that’s k-kinda m-messed up, d-dude!”

“The killing part? Or the counting part?” Callisto inquired, tilting her head towards the volcanic moon. 

“B-both! A-and that w-weird c-chorus in t-the b-background!” He shivered, “I-it’s all s-so c-creepy!”

“It is sort of creepy how quickly he knew that number.” Titan agreed, his fingers raised as he counted them under his breath. “I can’t even work out how many dead Earthlings that is?”

“You can’t do 600 minus 43?” Ganymede teased, smirking at the offended glare from the green-orange moon.

“It’s not that simple. We have to subtract the ones killed in the cave. And we don’t even know how many there were!” Titan reiterated in annoyance, waiting for Ganymede to give some kind of input to the problem. 

Unfortunately, Ganymede just shrugged. “Well, it was at least 1?”

[ENSEMBLE]

When does a man become a monster?

[POSEIDON]

I am your darkest moment

The monster that always draws near

“I knew that taunting would come back and bite him in the pole.” Caelus’ worn down pencil was being rapidly spun between his fingers as the pale ice giant listened. “Now he’s getting his words thrown back at him.”

“I’m sure he’s regretting it now.” Jupiter agreed with a solemn edge to his voice. “Over 500 dead. And now the rest of his crew are on the line.” 

“How is he going to get out of this?” Saturn considered the screen with a frown of confusion. “This can’t be the end already, can it?” 

Any last words?

“Why is he hesitating? Why’s he even asking him that? He killed all those men for what? To gloat at Ody for a bit longer?” Venus spat out, rising from his laid-back position to glare at the screen.

“Satisfaction. He wants to see Odysseus’ reaction.” The low mutter from Planet X caught the attention of the room, a subtle shift running through the system as he continued. “It makes him feel better, I imagine. It’s hardly unusual for those in a position of power over another.”

“It’s sick, is what it is.” Venus concluded, but the glare he threw wasn’t towards the ice giant, but instead the screen. “Ody better get out of this, just to piss him off more.”

[ODYSSEUS]

All I gotta do is open this bag

[POSEIDON]

What?

“...good thing he kept that wind, then?” Pluto broke the confounded silence, the rest of the room still trying to picture what the little Earthling had even done. Triton valiantly tried to ignore the smug grin Makemake was sending his way.

“Did he just…blast away from the god of the sea, in a tiny boat? That is still on the sea?” Dione’s disbelieving snort of amusement crossed the room. “That’s actually kind of funny.”

“Until you remember that basically his entire army is dead now.” Enceladus pointed out beside her, earning an eye roll in return.

“It’s still funny to picture it. You just don’t have any imagination.” She teased with a laugh, turning a smirk towards him, and Enceladus abruptly didn’t seem all that motivated to argue further.

Remember me

“Ominous. I supposed he’s the villain from now on?” Luna asked Astrodude as he leaned over behind him, having been forced to hold his own hand over the hole he’d made in the bean bag.

“Maybe? He’s sort of the villain in the original, but he never actually shows up for a proper fight like that. He just keeps sending storms to toss them around to different islands.” The Earthling revealed, shuffling slightly as the seat moved. “I’m kind of curious to see if he will pop up again later.”

“Yeah, that last line suggested as much.” Jupiter agreed, only to pause and add, “He could also merely be taunting him again. Odysseus said a similar line to the cyclops.”

“True. I guess we’ll have to find out!” Earth concluded as the last splashes of water faded from the room, the song finally closing out.

SONG ENDS

“I-I didn’t like that Poseidon. He k-killed all those Earthlings!” Neso cried irritably, glaring at the floor with a pouted expression. “Why can’t he be like you, Neptune? I wanted to like him!” 

Triton fought down the amusement that rose in him from the sight. I hope they never master actual angry looks. These pouts are far easier to deal with.

“You don’t have to like him, Neso.” Neptune offered, the vagueness in his eyes having faded enough for his light-hearted mask to slip back on. “These are just myths that Earthling made up. They didn’t even know I was a planet in the Solar System that far back!”

“Really? Oh…so they didn’t make you evil?” Despina squeaked, listening in on her planet’s words. Triton quickly noticed that the rest of the moons were eavesdropping as well, including a relieved-looking Proteus.

“Of course not. It’s only a story.” Neptune grinned, resting one hand on Neso’s head as the little moon leaned into the touch. “It might not be very nice to listen to sometimes, so let’s all try to keep each other calm and quiet so we can get through this faster?”

“OK, Neptune!” The little moons chorused, and Triton allowed a more relaxed breath to leave his chest, only for the entire huddle to swing expectant gazes towards him. His planet offered no help, only tilted his own head expectantly with an amused grin. Ugh boy, this can’t be over any sooner.

Chapter Text

That was…weird. Interesting, but still weird. Mercury frowned to himself, thinking over the last song. Up to that point, the gods had seemed more ‘bark than bite’ as Earth would probably say, and now that they’d actually heard the true power they held over the little Earthlings he couldn’t help but sympathize. I don’t wanna think about it too much; but being this small, right next to the largest celestial in the whole system, really does make you feel a bit like a play-thing at times. 

Beyond the uncomfortable relatability, he was also struggling to keep the gods’ names separated from the rest of the Solar System’s names. Sure, they didn’t really use those names much anymore, but they still knew them. They still answered to them if caught off guard. And hearing names like Zeus and Poseidon being applied to characters who were, at best, threatening the main protagonist, was hard to get his head around. And I barely know those two. I can’t imagine how weird this is for their friends, or even the planets themselves.

Mercury pulled his legs up to his chest, trying to drag himself from his thoughts long enough to re-focus on the screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Venus still staring at the ceiling, lead back on the bean bag. The smallest planet’s core twinged with annoyance, reminded of the ‘new’ animosity his neighbour seemed to be stoking again. Was it really new if he’d never really ended the last one? Mercury wasn’t sure, but he’d been under the impression they’d at least been improving up to this point. Of course, it could just be Venus being Venus. He takes his emotions out on me, regardless of where they came from.

Trying to put it from his mind, Mercury finally looked at the blue-grey screen. The rest of the room continued to mutter and speculate on the previous song, but Mercury kept his gaze forward, curious to see what the next one would be. They just lost most of their crew, and got blown who knows where. I can’t even begin to predict what’ll happen next.

As he watched, the screen’s blue picture faded, only to be replaced by a bright burst of colours. The new image was beautiful; purples, blues, and oranges all arranged in small irregular shapes, bordered by darker blues. The individual blocks of colour made up the figures of Earthling beasts, so strange in form that Mercury could not name them. At the bottom was a small human silhouette, tiny against the huge mosaic of light. 

“The Circe Saga.” The Sun, who had apparently also been watching the shift, read aloud. “Well, that’s a bit less predictable than ‘Ocean Saga’.”

“That stain-glass window is pretty cool. And it's got animals!” Earth pointed out, indicating to the creatures in turn. “Snake, lion, and ram.”

“Reminds me of a chimera.” Astrodude’s comment made little sense to Mercury, but so did most things the little Earthling said. He’d quickly settled for just giving him bemused looks until he eventually elaborated. “It was a monster made up of those animals, but I don’t remember it having anything to do with Circe, or even Odysseus.”

“Maybe she’s just a fan of it?” Earth offered, grinning at the screen. “Can’t blame her. Those animals are awesome, so of course the chimera is awesome squared!”

“T-that’s not how that works.” Astrodude’s protest was ignored in favour of the Sun’s question.

“Circe’s an Earthling? And she gets a whole Saga named after her?” The star huffed, eyeing the tiny figure at the bottom of the screen. “Is she like Polyphemus? A monster? A god?”

“Um, no, not at all really.” Astrodude corrected nervously. “She’s sort of a goddess, but sometimes she’s just an enchantress. Her father was Helios and her mother was an Oceanid, so her being a normal human would be a bit odd.”

“Helios? Hm, well, if she’s my counterpart's child, she must be impressive indeed! Worthy of an entire Saga!” The Sun’s sudden attitude switch towards the new character forced Mercury to hold back a sigh. One mention of his name and he’s smitten. 

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘PUPPETEER’

“Puppeteer? What’s a puppeteer?” Tethys questioned as the song began. The notes reminded Mercury of one of the previous songs, when Eurylochus and Polites had both been talking about that island of lotus eaters. That can’t have been that long ago, and yet it feels like so much has happened in between.

“Puppets are these little figures humans make to represent characters in stories, they can control them with strings and control bars. The human that does it is called a puppeteer.” Earth explained, then added with a curious tone, “I wonder why they chose that title?”

“I can think of a few reasons.” Astrodude sighed, a reluctant air crossing the Earthling’s demeaner. 

[EURYLOCHUS]

Captain, I have something that I must confess

Something that I must get off my chest

Until it is said, I cannot rest

“Oh? Maybe Eury wants to apologize for being so annoying last time?” Miranda sat forward with a spark of interest at the lyrics, tilting her head to the ceiling. “He definitely should.”

“Why? He was right in the end. Ody pissed off another god, and now most of the crew are dead.” Triton pointed out, leaning to one side with an arm to prop his head up, his eyes vaguely watching the little Neptunian moons as they rearranged themselves between him and their planet after jumping on him. “Sure, it wasn’t Aeolus, but it was still basically his fault.”

“Unfortunately, I think Triton’s right.” Titania joined in, paying no mind to the former dwarf planet as he shot her a look. “He must be talking about something else.”

“What, then?” Ariel asked, narrowing her eyes at the screen. “He didn’t do anything else! He just complained.”

“Maybe we’ll find out if you let the song play.” Titania turned her gaze to the smaller moon sternly. Thankfully, Ariel got the message loud and clear, settling down to keep listening.

Captain?

[ODYSSEUS]

Eurylochus, go make sure this island is secure

[EURYLOCHUS]

But captain

“H-he’s ignoring h-him?” Io’s surprised question was followed by the volcanic moon leaning over to Callisto to whisper, “I-is he s-still m-mad?”

“I would be.” The darker moon replied bluntly, continuing to stare at the screen with a bored expression despite Io’s nudging. “He probably doesn’t want to hear more about how he screwed up.”

“But it sounded like Eury was nervous. Or at least wanted to admit to something he did, not Ody.” Titan narrowed his eyes as he considered the previous lyrics. “I can’t think of anything…”

[ODYSSEUS]

There's only so much left we can endure

Whatever you need to say can wait some more

Of that, I'm sure

[EURYLOCHUS]

Okay

“Um, wait, but I want to know?” Earth piped up, frowning in frustrated confusion at the ceiling. “Ugh, now we probably won’t know for ages! That’s how these plots always go!”

“So he’s decided that ignoring Eury and then sending him off onto an island is a good idea?” Mars huffed in disbelief. “What if that makes him angrier? Wasn’t Eury the one that wanted to burn and raid the lotus island? What if he does the same here?”

“Yeah, but honestly Ody might not care that much anymore. Most of his crew is dead ‘cause he was too nice.” Mercury decided to add, turning the wording over in his mind for a second look. “Well, ‘too nice’ is a generous way to put it, I suppose.”

“Too generous.”

The music floated on gently for a few seconds, before falling into a more careful, warning tone, the high-pitched instruments standing out to Mercury’s ears. As the background beat kicked in, he felt a shiver of foreboding.

[ODYSSEUS]

Eurylochus back so soon?

Where's the rest of your crew?

By the gods, what happened to you?!

“...he lost the rest of the crew! That fast?” Caelus exclaimed in faint dismay, casting a glance towards the rocky planets. “I can’t tell if that's worse than burning the island down or not.”

“Ody’s going to lose it.” Venus laughed, grinning at the ceiling. “He sent him on a simple mission and now none of his crew return? Eury’ll be lucky if Ody doesn’t throw him off a wall as well.”

“If he’s actually managed to lose the rest of the crew in just one trip, I might agree.” Jupiter grimaced at the idea, adding in a more hopeful tone. “However, we do not know what actually happened yet. He may be innocent in this.”

[EURYLOCHUS]

We came across a palace

Inside we heard a voice

“Okay, that’s creepy.” Luna muttered, shuffling and abandoning his failing attempts to patch the hole in their bean bag. Mercury watched the white balls flow out, mesmerised for a second by their movement. 

He remembered ripping a similar hole in his own bag, back when this whole experience was new and scary. Now, it was almost nice to get away from his close orbit with the Sun and actually talk with the rest of the system. Though, recently, he’d begun to feel left out again. He knew it probably wasn’t deliberate; after all, they all had their own dramas to worry about. But, it still hurt to once again find himself at the edge of the group. I thought it was working. I was fitting in, finally!

One place he thought he was making progress in was his friendship with Luna. The moon had been nicer to him than most of the rockies, at least until that second documentary. Now, Luna was standoffish at best, and outright angry at worst. Mercury had tried to gather the courage to ask why; but deep down, he didn’t want to hear the answer, not really. I just need to try a different approach. Clearly, the cool, unbothered one didn’t work, and the sassy one has only been getting me punched by Venus…maybe I need to try…? Ugh, I’m running out of ideas at this point.

It seemed to show no malice

To greet it was our choice, but nothing could prepare us for the power

That awaited inside…

[ODYSSEUS]

What did this palace hide?

“They entered a random palace?” Saturn questioned, absentmindedly counting the heads of his smallest moons as they settled in and around his lap. “That seems…unwise?”

“He said it was a nice voice, so maybe it’s friendly?” Neptune’s usual hopeful suggestion of friendliness was a touch more hesitant this time, Mercury noted. He also couldn’t help but notice the exasperated look his largest moon was giving him. 

“Why didn’t the men come back, then?” Saturn followed up, which seemed to further degrade the ice giant’s confidence in his own argument. 

“Maybe they liked it better in the palace?” Neptune tried with a grin, but Saturn’s amused eye roll dropped it into a playful frown. “Welll, it’s just a theory!”

[EURYLOCHUS]

Sir, since we left home we've faced a variety of foes from a wide range of places

Gods, monsters, you know the roster, hostile creatures that we could resist

But this was a hell of a twist, cause we are weak to a power like this

[ODYSSEUS]

What was it?

“Another cyclops? A new god? Something equally as horrible?” The Sun lifted his head in growing interest as he listed the ideas. “What could be worse than what they’ve already seen?”

“Not a god or a monster, clearly. Eury said as much, if you listened to the lyrics.” Earth pointed out to the star boldly. Mercury fought the urge to duck, anticipating a solar flare passing swiftly over his head like it would in orbit. Or straight onto his surface, as was more common. But no, the Sun’s power was stripped from him in this room. The worst he could do was shine brightly and burn hands. That’s another nice change these videos bring.

“Well, what else could it be? Everything in this story is either a god, monster, or a tiny Earthling.” The star grumbled, turning his burning eyes to the mosaic of colours ahead of them.

[EURYLOCHUS]

A woman

[ODYSSEUS]

What?

“What?” Phobos echoed, twisting to the Earth and his Earthling. “What’s a woman?”

“Um…oh boy.” Astrodude gulped, while Earth was seemingly trying to fight off a laugh. “Do you guys have, like, genders?”

“Uh, surprisingly, yeah.” Luna informed him, “We’re not sure why, but we do.”

“Okay, so a woman is just our word for a female human. Or any human who identifies as such.” Astrodude looked more confident now, explaining the concept quickly. “It’s probably Circe, since she’s normally shown as a woman.”

“Oh, so it’s another human? Why does Ody sound so incredulous, then?” Mercury asked, curious about the odd reaction from Odysseus to the news Eury brought back. 

“I won’t get into the specifics, but women are usually seen as weaker than men, especially in those times, so he’s likely confused as to how his men got defeated by her. Especially a lone woman against a whole crew.” Astrodude answered awkwardly, his eyes darting periodically to the ground like he wanted to disappear from this conversation. 

“Why would a human be weaker than another due to gender?” Mars frowned down at the Earthling, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “It doesn’t work like that for us, at least.”

“Ah, well, that’s a…complicated question.” Astrodude pulled one hand down his face with a sigh. “I’m really not qualified for this, so maybe we can skip it?”

“Fine. For now.” Mars agreed, though his last addition slumped the human’s shoulders.

[EURYLOCHUS]

She had us in just two words

[CIRCE]

Come inside

[ODYSSEUS]

Damn

“What is going on? Why did they go in so easily?” Rhea’s bemused questions carried from Saturn’s area, further crushing the little Earthling’s spirit. Mercury might have laughed, if he even understood why the human seemed so reluctant to speak on this topic. Maybe it’s something embarrassing about his species? He always seems to get squirmy about that stuff.

“Oh, I know this one!” Earth had apparently been watching the human too, as he swiftly jumped in to explain instead. “Option 1, she’s a woman. These men have been at sea for Stars knows how long, and human men get pretty excited about women if they haven’t seen them in a while. Don’t ask me why.”

Earth shot a glare at Caelus, who had begun to open his mouth in question. Once the ice giant had closed it, Earth powered on. “Option 2, she’s an enchantress, as Astrodude said, so she’s got some kind of spell over them.”

“Neither of those options are making a ton of sense.” Caelus frowned, refraining from asking more probing questions of the living planet. “Earthlings are so confusing.”

[CIRCE]

Welcome to the best part of your lives

Go ahead and rest wherever you like

I got you, don't worry Circe's got you now

“Oh good, it is Circe!” The Sun grinned, then tilted his head considering. “She sounds too nice, though. I was expecting more fire from a child of Helios!”

Mercury attempted to keep his sigh as silent as possible, anticipating the star’s focus on this character somehow ending in more shouting. This Circe character better be cool, or the Sun will be very disappointed.

“If this is a spell, I’d fall for it.” Ganymede snarked, only to receive a furious eye from Europa until he quailed under her glare. “I mean, no, I definitely wouldn’t, my bad.”

“Hm, that’s what I thought!” 

[EURYLOCHUS]

Only I stayed outside, but the rest went in

“All of them? No one had any sense?” Eris, one of the dwarf planets Mercury had been slowly learning the names of, spoke up. “They get invited in by a stranger and just…go?”

“I mean, they’ve had a pretty awful few days. I’d take any kindness at that point.” Pluto pointed out hesitantly. “I’m surprised Eury didn’t go as well, considering how much he was complaining earlier.”

“He has common sense, that’s why.”

[CIRCE]

Take a seat

Let me bring you all something to eat

I bet you're tired from the years spent on your feet

I got you, don't worry Circe's got you now

“She sounds nice! She’s giving them stuff! Even if it’s icky Earthling food.” One of Neptune’s little moons, possibly Nereid, exclaimed. Mercury had also been trying to learn the names of the moons, but honestly there were just too many. I guess I should be at least a bit glad I’m not in Saturn’s position. As cool as a moon would be, nearly 300 moons is way far too many.

“Oh! Maybe they did like it better in the palace? Like you said!” A larger moon, Proteus, exclaimed to his planet. Neptune gave him a bright grin in reply. 

“Ooo, maybe!”

[EURYLOCHUS, spoken]

By the time they ate, it was far too late

“Oh…maybe not nice, then?” Neptune corrected, wincing at the unimpressed look from Triton. 

“What happened to them?” Oberon asked, peering over his planet’s bean bag to see the Earthling. “What did the food do?”

“I remember what it does in the original epic, but I’d like to wait and see if this version is the same.” Astrodude declined to answer, turning from the curious moon’s gaze reluctantly.

[EURYLOCHUS, CIRCE]

For inside the meal, (think of your past)

She had cast a spell, (and your mistakes)

They began to squeal, (they'll be the last)

And grow snouts and tails, (mistakes you'll make)

She changed them

“Yeah, definitely not nice then.” Mercury shook his head in dismay, listening to Circe’s lines as they overlapped Eury’s. “She sounds angry as well. Is everyone in this thing angry?”

“It’s an epic. And yeah, basically.” Earth shrugged, “It makes it interesting…in a way.”

“Well, Homer does include some more friendly islands, or at least ones that don’t attack them immediately." Astrodude corrected, pressing his hands together to rest his chin on as he leaned on one side of the seat. “They just happen later. Or this one skips them.” 

“Homer? I feel like I’ve heard that before?” Mercury scoured his mind, trying to link the thread of familiarity back to its source. Astrodude nodded knowingly, which gave him a bit of hope that he wasn’t completely off the mark.

“It could be your crater? We named most of your craters after famous musicians, artists, and authors.” The human revealed, offering the smallest planet a small smile. “I’m pretty sure one is called Homer, after the guy that wrote this story down.”

“Oh? That’s actually…that’s actually kinda cool.” Mercury wasn’t sure what to do with this information. He knew they’d named his craters, but he hadn’t realised a theme had been chosen for it. They had all seemed rather random to him. Musicians, artists, and authors…I wonder why?

[CIRCE]

I got all the power, yeah, I got all the power

No, I'm not a player, I'm a puppeteer

No, I don't play, I puppeteer, yeah

“She enchanted the food? What an odd strategy. I would've simply seared them from the astral plane, if I was in her place.” The Sun judged, but the intrigued gleam in his eye told Mercury the star’s interest in this character still hadn’t been diminished despite his words of criticism. “Surely she could do so, if she is related to my counterpart?”

“Sun, she seems quite powerful already, does she not?” Jupiter suggested carefully, his own expression far more disturbed than intrigued. “It sounds like she changed their physical forms. I can’t imagine that it was painless, nor easy to do.”

“Maybe. It’s certainly creative, I suppose.” The star considered the gas giant’s words. “But, a good solar flare is always more efficient, in my experience.”

[EURYLOCHUS, CIRCE]

They transformed, (this is the price)

And it wasn't quick, (we pay to live)

She turned our men, (the world does not)

From men to pigs, (tend to forgive)

She changed them

“Pigs? Why pigs?” Hyperion asked, then added more urgently, “Wait, what are pigs?”

“Do you remember the boar from before?” Earth inquired, receiving a quick nod of confirmation before continuing. “Well, pig is usually the word for the domesticated version. The uncastrated males are still called boar, confusingly, but they tend to be far less furry and a bit smaller. They are quite intelligent little guys, very cute as well sometimes. They do have a bad habit of eating people, though.”

“What does castration mean? You’ve said that twice now!” Hyperion zeroed in on the odd word, ignoring the Earth’s strange comment at the end, and Mercury was severely tempted to laugh at the living world’s horrified expression.

“Nope! Sorry, not answering that.”

[CIRCE]

I got all the power, yeah, I got all the power

No, I'm not a player, I'm a puppeteer

No, I don't play, I puppeteer, yeah

[ODYSSEUS]

We have to go save them

[EURYLOCHUS]

No we don't

“Wooh, Eury doesn’t want to save his men?” Ganymede started in surprise, glancing up at Jupiter. “I thought he was pretty close with the crew? Or, at least, seemed to be speaking for them a lot.”

“I admit it’s an odd turn of attitude but the last few events may have eroded his courage.” Jupiter considered it further, adding on, “Maybe he doesn’t see a way for Ody to defeat this threat? Circe sounds very powerful, and certainly more tricky than the cyclops was.” 

“He can’t just leave his men, though!” Ganymede reiterated, scowling at the thought. “They can’t have survived Poseidon just to end up as pigs!”

“Maybe being a pig will be better? Being a human hasn’t been going too great for them recently.” Titan suggested optimistically, glancing at Earth as he asked, “What do pigs do?”

“Get eaten, mostly.” Earth returned bluntly.

“Oh. Maybe not, then.”

Look at all we've lost and all we've learned

Every single cost is so much more than what we've earned

Think about the men we have left before there's none

Let's just cut our losses, you and I, and let's run

“He really is a coward.” Venus sneered, his lip curling up at Eury’s attempt to convince Ody to flee. “Running away from his men. Abandoning them.”

“B-but what if he’s right? If Ody goes to get them, they might all end up dead, and anyone left won’t have a leader.” Mercury hesitantly added, trying to read the look Venus shot his way. He felt his familiar anxiety rising, anticipating a snappy, harsh response to flinch away from. No, Mercury, you can’t keep cowering under him forever. I am a planet, same as him. I’ve stood up to him before, even if I felt mean doing so.

“Well, that’s just like you, isn’t it, Pipsqueak? Giving up and running away when things get unpleasant.” Venus hissed, twisting in his seat to sit up and glare at Mercury. The smaller planet forced himself to meet his gaze, returning his own practiced stare. “I bet you’d leave us to Circe too, in his place.”

“I would not!” Mercury snapped back, offended by the baseless, hypocritical statement. I wouldn’t! He’s the one who’s always turning against us! I mean, sure, maybe I would be a bit reluctant to chase after such terrible odds, but I like to think I wouldn’t just abandon them.

“Hm, sure.” Venus shrugged, flopping back down and pretending to grow bored of the argument, but Mercury could still see the stiffness in his form. It gave him away so clearly, Mercury was half-tempted to call him out on it, but his reluctance to further break their relationship held him back. Ugh, why can’t I just be as mean as Venus? He stomps around without a care in the world and I’m still worried about his feelings? Stars, why did my orbit have to be between him and the Sun? I’m never going to make a real friend at this rate.

[ODYSSEUS]

Of course I'd like to leave now, of course I'd like to run

But I can hardly sleep now knowing everything we've done

“At least he’s feeling guilty about it.” Dione huffed bitterly, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “He got the vast majority of his crew killed because of that screw up with the cyclops.”

“He didn’t mean to!” One of the smaller moons, sitting near to Dione’s side, spoke up indignantly. “He just wanted to go home!”

“I’m sure that’s a really comforting thought for them.” Dione sarcastically muttered, before wincing at the teary-eyed expression the little moon was now giving her. “Oh, Helene, don’t get so upset about it. It’s not real.”

“B-but, you’re getting upset about it too!” The little moon, Helene apparently, called out. “Y-you’re being silly!”

“I guess you’ve got me there.” She smiled ruefully, softening her expression and hooking an arm around the smaller moon. “How about we both calm down, eh?”

“OK.” Helene agreed, shooting one more glare up at the larger moon. “But I’m still right!”

“Sure you are.”

There's no length I wouldn't go if it was you I had to save

I can only hope you'd do the same

“He said they were like brothers, didn’t he? So of course he’d save Ody!” Proteus boldly proclaimed, lifting his head from Triton’s side. “That’s what brothers do!”

“Yeah, but they're not real brothers, remember. Just ‘legal’ ones.” Hippocamp pointed out to the other Neptunian moon. “It doesn’t count.”

“Only under silly Earthling rules.” He shot back, casting a glance at the human as he stated, “Astrodude already said they only have to be related some times! So it doesn’t matter! You’re being silly!”

The littler moon glared at Proteus for a breath, then turned a mock-upset frown to the tired major moon watching them with a vaguely detached expression, startling him back to awareness. “Triton! Proteus is being mean!”

“I was not!”

“HE WAS!”

“WAS NOT!”

“Kids, please, It’s too early for this.” Triton leaned back with a sigh, looking both moons in the eye. “Let’s just all agree that this doesn’t matter, hey?”

“But it does!” Proteus protested, reaching up to push Triton’s sunglasses down; a move that the larger moon met with another sigh. “I-if brothers have to be related, t-then what about us?”

“What about us?” Triton repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Y-you’re from the Kuiper Belt, and y-you’re made of d-different stuff from us.” Proteus seemed to grow more reluctant as he spoke, the words turning quieter and more uncertain. “S-so we’re not related, not really. B-but we’re still brothers?”

“Kid, that’s all Earthling stuff. That doesn’t apply to moons.” Triton’s tired frown slipped into a more understanding smile as he explained. “Of course we’re still brothers. That would be true even if some silly Earthlings don’t agree. Or annoying little brothers.”

“Hey! I-I wasn’t meaning us!” Hippocamp piped up, but quickly wiggled into the hug Proteus threw at Triton, stubbornly curling up despite Proteus’ glare.

[EURYLOCHUS, CIRCE]

I can hear her still (no one will find)

And her voice deceives (their way between)

What if she can't be killed? (my nymphs and I,)

Will you choose to leave? (their loving queen)

[ODYSSEUS]

I don't know

“He should definitely consider having a bit more of a plan this time.” Mars’ unimpressed stare was fixed firmly on the screen. “She seems powerful and smart, which Ody hasn’t really had to face before.”

“And it sounds like she’s protecting her own ‘crew’ in a way, so she’s just as motivated as he is.” Mercury noted, unfamiliar with the word used. “What are nymphs?”

“Nature spirits, usually.” Earth revealed, “They tend to look like young women, so it makes sense she’d want to protect them from all of Ody’s rowdy men.”

“Why does it make sense?” Mercury followed up, the Earth’s explanation having cleared exactly nothing up and only added more questions, as usual. Earth avoided his gaze, shuffling slightly to poke his little human to get his attention.

“You wanna explain that one?”

“No.” Astrodude deadpanned, but his shoulders slumped in defeat anyway. “I-I’ll try to explain in a bit, okay? I-I just need to work out how to go about it.”

[CIRCE]

I've got all the power, yeah, I've got all the power

No, I'm not a player, I'm a puppeteer

No, I don't play, I puppeteer, yeah

“S-she keeps s-singing that, b-but I d-don’t u-understand w-what it m-means.” Io muttered with a bemused frown, turning his head to Callisto. “I-is she c-controlling p-puppets?”

“She’s controlling the men.” The darker moon corrected, her gaze on the screen unbroken. “It’s a metaphor.”

“O-oh!” Io nodded, a smile of understanding crossing onto his face. “S-so, the m-men are t-the p-puppets?”

“Yes, Io.” Europa agreed with an excited grin. “She’s so powerful, she can make these Earthlings do whatever she wants. Oh, this is definitely my favourite character so far!”

[EURYLOCHUS, CIRCE]

She's a clever witch (this is the price)

And she's hard to slay (we pay to love)

It's a game of wits (we draw the line)

But you don't have to play (watch from above)

[ODYSSEUS]

I have to try

“Is he really just going to run into her palace and try to get his men back?” Saturn worried, his tone dipping into doubt as he continued, “T-that seems a bit foolish, don’t you think?”

“Potentially, my friend.” Jupiter hummed, turning from the ringed giant to assess the screen. “He will be unlikely to beat her with his usual tricks, unless I am underestimating him.”

“It’s definitely a step up from the cyclops.” Caelus agreed, his notepad spread out on his lap as he scribbled. “I wonder how the fight will go? Is he even bringing a weapon?”

“I suppose we will have to listen and find out.”

[CIRCE]

I've got all the power, yeah, I've got all the power

No, I'm not a player, I'm a puppeteer

No, I don't play, I puppeteer, yeah

SONG ENDS

“Well, I liked her!” The Sun proclaimed loudly, grinning brightly at the screen. “Odysseus had better beg for his men back, ‘cause a child of the SUN GOD isn’t losing a fight to a tiny mortal!”

“You know she’s not, like, your real kid, right?” Mercury questioned, getting a little tired of the star’s over-excitement around this fictional character. If anything, we’re his real kids, and he’s never this excited about us. “You don’t have to play cheerleader for her.”

“Why not? Circe’s clearly a stellar example of my own prowess! I can cheer her on all I like!” The Sun laughed at his own pun, evaporating Mercury’s willingness to keep arguing about this. 

“Y-yeah, I guess…”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘WOULDN’T YOU LIKE’

The song kicked in with a soft, slow run of strings, a small giggling sound intermittently mixed in. Mercury didn’t recognize the voice, and it certainly seemed like an odd time for Ody or Eury to start chuckling to themselves. New character?

“Another odd title.” Pluto sighed, glancing at his moon with a questioning eye. “What do you think this one’s about?”

“It sounds like an unfinished sentence.” Charon suggested, leaning her elbows onto her knees as she peered at the screen. “Maybe Ody’s going to offer something to Circe? Or Circe to him?”

“I guess that would be one way to avoid a fight.” Pluto shrugged, “Didn’t work with Polyphemus, though.”

[EXCITED VOICE giggles]

“OK, why is that giggling in the background?” Venus asked angrily, his frown deepening with each chuckle. “It’s pissing me off.”

While it was quite a contrast to the last song, Mercury found the sound strangely intriguing. Laughter wasn’t something they’d heard much in these sagas, and he was curious about why this character was so different. And while the giggles were a bit silly, they weren’t ominous or threatening. Maybe we finally have a nice character? For real?

[EXCITED VOICE]

I must say, what a brilliant speech you gave

“He was eavesdropping? Rude.” Earth joked half-heartedly, an excited tone quickly taking over. “I like him already. He’s being complementary at least.”

“You know who it is?” Luna questioned his planet, glancing at Astrodude when the little human nodded alongside the Earth. “Who?”

“Only an educated suspicion! And it’s more fun if everyone has to guess!” Earth grinned, subtly nudging Astrodude as he went to answer instead. Mercury frowned, not really in the mood for a guessing game. Hopefully it’s something obvious, or we’ll never guess it. Those two are the only ones that even know most of these things.

[ODYSSEUS]

Who goes there?

[EXCITED VOICE]

Just a friend who could help you save your men

“A giggly friend!” Neptune smiled, tilting his head at the new voice. Mercury wasn’t completely sold on the ‘friend’ part yet, given the last few encounters Ody had experienced. The blue ice giant turned his grin to his moons as he added, “Oh, I wonder if-”

“Please, not again, Neptune.” Triton interrupted, giving his planet a look over his sunglasses. Neptune’s grin turned a touch bashful at the request.

“Of course, silly me. We’ll wait this time, then decide if they’re nice!”

A foe like Circe's not to be messed with

You want to beat her?

You'll need the blessing of a certain god

“Not again!” Mimas sighed dramatically, forlornly slumping back against Saturn’s bean bag. “Don’t get caught up with another god, Ody!”

“But he might be helpful?” Rhea brought up softly, her hands clasped together as she spoke. “Circe sounds really powerful. He should get all the help he can, even if it’s another god.”

“All the gods so far have done nothing but screw with him.” Enceladus argued, huffing in disbelief. “Even Athena dropped him the second he disobeyed her. It’s safer to just ignore them.”

“Even when he has to fight an enchantress? He doesn’t have any weapons, or even a real plan.” Rhea pointed out to the two icy moons. “It would be foolish to ignore this god’s offer.”

“Agree to disagree?” Mimas tried, but Rhea shook her head and stubbornly crossed her arms.

“No. You are wrong.” She stamped out, inviting no further comment as she turned back to the screen for the song to resume.

Divine intervention

Someone who's not afraid to send a message

“Is that a hint? Which god does messages? Is it one of us?” Mercury swung his gaze towards the human, trying to ignore the way Earth seemed on the edge of laughing. Astrodude offered him an awkward grimace that may have started as a smile in his head.

“Um, yeah, it’s one of you guys. Or, at least, he’s named after one of you.” The human revealed, his gaze flickering around the rocky planets nervously. 

“Well, that doesn’t really narrow it down.” Mars frowned, eying the other planets. “Most of our counterparts are male, but that does rule out Venus-”

“Hey!”

“-and Earth.” Mars ignored the cloudy planet, continuing his speculation. “We’ve already met Zeus and Poseidon, so it’s not them…I’m not sure I know enough about these gods to even guess beyond that.”

“We can solve this mystery really quickly if you don't talk.” Earth butted in, shooting Mars an expectant look. The red planet rolled his eyes in return, but settled down into silence and allowed the song to continue.

[ODYSSEUS]

Hermes?

[HERMES laughs]

Mercury’s jolt of surprise at hearing his older name nearly unbalanced him from the seat. The high-pitched giggling that followed the name didn’t help settle his sudden wave of irrational embarrassment. Me? Oh no, now Venus will have even more things to tease me about. Why did I get the weird laughing god?

“Hermes? Hey, Pipsqueak, it’s you!” 

Right on time. Mercury cringed, fighting to keep his face forward and away from the grin the cloudy planet was likely sending his way. “I know, Venus. I’m not deaf.”

“Aw! Mercury, now you get to be a character too!” The Sun excitedly turned to him, grinning maniacally down at the little planet. “And a ‘messenger’, whatever that means?” 

“Hermes is the messenger for the other gods, so he basically zooms around all over the place with his little winged shoes and delivers messages!” Earth, not picking up on what Mercury felt was a pretty solid death-glare, continued to reveal more aspects of his counterpart, much to his horror. “He also helps souls get to the underworld, protects thieves and travellers, and is even considered a fertility god! They used to make these phall-”

“Earth, please.” Mercury felt like he was going to implode with embarrassment if the living planet didn’t give it a rest. Earth at least had the sense to look slightly apologetic as he finally shut up, but the damage was done. Ugh, this can’t end fast enough.

[HERMES]

Wouldn't you like a taste of the power?

Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

“Groovy god.” Jupiter noted with a quick smile towards Mercury, forcing the little planet to try and return the look without grimacing. He must have failed, as Jupiter’s eyes scanned him more thoroughly before adding, “Don’t worry, Mercury. These depictions are not reflections of our own personalities. But, even if they were, your counterpart at least seems far kinder than the last two.”

“...I guess?” He tried to follow the gas giant’s logic, picturing the two previous gods they’d heard about that shared names with planets. He didn’t like how they measured up. “But you guys have really cool, powerful counterparts. Mine just sounds silly.”

“I’m quite sure he’s not.” Jupiter assured him, nodding towards the screen. “He’s offering help to defeat Circe, who sounds like a foe even the gods might fear. And his willingness to help a human in such a circumstance shows far more bravery than the other gods.”

“Hm…maybe.” He frowned, a part of him feeling relieved by the idea, but the larger part of him was painfully aware that it didn’t matter what he thought of the god. What mattered was everyone else’s reactions to him. I wish I didn’t care about this stuff. Life would be so much easier. 

Deep in the night, the fight lasts for hours

You can be hurt or you can beat her

Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?

Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?

Deep in the night, the fight can be tragic

I'll help you conquer her

“He’s offering magic?” Makemake adjusted his glasses as he leaned forward in interest. “What kind? Elemental? Cosmic?” 

“Does it matter?” Eris huffed rhetorically, absentmindedly kicking her legs off one side of the dwarf planet bean bag. “Magic is magic. Ody could use anything at this point.”

“O-oh, I hope it’s something cool!” Haumea’s excited speculation gave Mercury a slight hope that not everyone was going to laugh at his counterpart. “He’s a god, so it has to be super awesome!”

“I’m not sure it works that way.” 

She can turn you to an animal

That'll end up on her plate

“So…she is going to eat the pig-crew?” Caelus shivered, casting a disturbed glance towards the human. “Do any of them actually get eaten? In the original?”

“Oh, um, not as far as I’m aware, no.” Astrodude thankfully replied, calming the momentary fears of the room. “I think one guy falls off a roof, but that’s the only death I remember."

“A roof? How’d he get up there?” 

“Wine? He got really drunk and climbed the roof.” Astrodude faltered, adding onto the end, “Don’t ask me how, I have no idea.”

She can all but make you fall in love

Like you're on your hundredth date

She can conjure up a monster

That'll grind you to the bones

She has all the ways to haunt ya

When you take her on alone

“Hermes is really hyping her up.” Mercury noted distantly. It felt odd to refer to another by his own name, even if it wasn’t his preferred one. This whole experience just got so much weirder.

“She deserves it!” The Sun’s grin was only getting wider the more powers Circe was ascribed. “Monster summoning and love spells aren’t really ‘star’ powers, but I like her intimidation factor!”

“Aren’t ‘star’ powers just solar flares?” Mercury muttered under his breath, trying not to cower under the star’s burning gaze as it fell over him. 

“You are sorely mistaken, my friend! Stars can do anything!”

“Well then, monster summoning should be no issue?” Planet X’s unexpected, and borderline masochistic, addition to the conversation at least freed Mercury from the star’s wrath. “No? What about love spells?”

“You’re awfully talkative for a planet five steps away from re-ejection, X.” The Sun’s grin turned cold as he faced the dark ice giant, a low heat haze rising from his head. The planet barely responded beyond a faint smile, his remaining fixed to the middle-distance.

“Go ahead. You’re the star, after all?”

“X-” Saturn’s words were interrupted by the Sun, who was now looking at X with an expression that read more confused than angry, as far as Mercury could tell.

“Aw, X, don’t be so icy. It’s sunnier if you don’t act like such an asteroid all the time.” The Sun’s new strategy of overwhelming puns didn’t seem to be all that effective against the ice giant, who merely rolled his eyes and turned away from the screen entirely. The star huffed more quietly, turning back to the front. “Ah, why do I bother?”

“I’m not sure.” Mercury whispered back, still attempting to work out that interaction. He knew Saturn, Jupiter, and oddly, Neptune, had been trying to re-integrate the dark ice giant, but the Sun had always seemed rather detached from the efforts. Maybe he’s just fed up with X's moping taking up an entire corner of the room? I know I am.

[HERMES & ENSEMBLE]

Wouldn't you like a taste of the power?

Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

Deep in the night, the fight lasts for hours

You can be hurt or you can beat her

Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?

Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?

Deep in the night, the fight can be tragic

I'll help you conquer her

“This guy is great! His singing is so bouncy and fun!” Ariel exclaimed, wiggling out from between Umbriel and Titania to nod and sing along to the song. “Wouldn’t you like a taste of the power? Wouldn’t yo-”

“Ariel.” Titania’s single word interruption halted the little moon’s attempt to pull one of the other Caeluian moons into her sing-along. “Not right now, please.”

“Aw, I thought it was cute!” Miranda grinned at Ariel, undermining the effect of Titania’s stare. “These songs are going to be stuck in my head forever! They’re too catchy!"

“I’m still hearing ‘ruthlessness is mercy’ over and over in my head.” Oberon moaned, rubbing at his skull with a tired expression. “Make it stop!”

[HERMES]

Oh-oh

Here in the root of this flower

There lies such a power to take her on

You must consume and digest it

Then you'll manifest a being of your creation

All you need's imagination

Though it's only for a moment

Till you've beaten your opponent

“Is there a plant that does that?” Luna cast a bemused expression at Earth, taken aback by the supposed abilities of the root. “Creature creation?”

“Ha, nope! Not unless it’s a hallucination, but that’s not useful for fighting witches.” Earth laughed. “It’s probably just a magic plant, not one that actually exists.”

“That does seem more likely.” Astrodude agreed, leaning back onto his hands to look up at the planet. “I don’t remember the plant giving him powers in the epic, but it did make him immune to her spells so he could fight her properly.”

“I prefer this version. Sending a beast to fight Circe’s beast. It’s like Pokémon!” Earth’s nonsense floated over the heads of the room, but Astrodude laughed enthusiastically enough that Mercury had to assume it was some Earthling joke.

[HERMES]

And I call this root "holy moly"

[ODYSSEUS]

Ah

“He’s so done with Hermes’ silly jokes.” Callisto revealed a rare smile at Odysseus’ sigh. Mercury could appreciate the effort of making a pun, it was at least a little more creative than the Sun’s, but it was still a pun. He better not make anymore, or I’m revoking my name from him entirely.

“That was a joke?” Ganymede questioned in bemusement, blinking at the lyrics. “What was the funny part?”

“It sounds like ‘holy moly’, which is a normal Earthling expression.” Earth explained, turning to Astrodude to add, “But, in Greek, that would sound completely different, wouldn’t it?”

“A-ah…maybe? I don’t-I’m not a linguist, Earth.” Astrodude corrected the planet, ducking his head apologetically. “W-while I doubt the Greeks pronounced it like that, I don’t know the real pronunciation.”

“Ugh, not a historian or a linguist? What did you even learn at college?” Earth muttered in disbelief, giving up with a dramatic sigh when Astrodude just shrugged in reply.

[HERMES laughs]

“Is he going to keep doing that?” Venus’ low murmur tightened the grip around his core that had been slowly loosening as the room appeared to react almost positively to his counterpart. They liked the singing, and the help the god seemed willing to provide. But, even if the others didn’t mind this god’s eccentric personality, Venus would find some way to throw it back at Mercury. 

“Oh, come on, Venus. It’s charming, in a ‘mad god’ kinda way.” Mars countered with a carefree eye roll, smirking at the cloudy planet’s returning glare.

“It’s still a silly thing for a god to do. Embarrassing.” Venus pointedly directed his gaze at Mercury as he spoke, but the smaller planet fought to keep his own stare forward and shoulders still. Mars watched with a frown, before resuming his wide smirk.

“Aw, are you jealous? You know your counterpart’s even less like you, don’t you?” 

“I-I’m not jealous!” Venus defended, but as Mercury turned to him he was surprised to see real embarrassment on the cloudy planet. Wow, maybe he really is just worried about his own counterpart? I always forget how nervous that name makes him.

As Venus steamed beside him, Mercury tried to sort out his thoughts on this. While a part of him was still nervous of his counterpart’s appearance in this story, the knowledge that Venus was just as, if not more, worried gave him some perspective. None of us want our own names mixed up in this, but at least mine seems cool-ish. Small blessings.

[HERMES & ENSEMBLE]

Wouldn't you like a taste of the power?

Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

Deep in the night, the fight lasts for hours

You can be hurt or you can beat her

Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?

Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?

Deep in the night, the fight can be tragic

I'll help you conquer her

“Why does he seem so happy to help this random man?” Titan had shuffled along at some point, and was now sitting just behind the Earthling’s shared seat with his planet. Astrodude turned almost reluctantly towards the moon, his hands clenched together in his lap.

“A-ah, um, do you remember Autolykos? The demi-god who was Odysseus’ grandfather?” At Titan’s encouraging nod, the human continued, “W-well, his father was Hermes, so technically Hermes is Odysseus’ great grandfather.”

“Oh? So it’s a family thing? He’s helping out because they’re related?” Titan followed up, eyeing the human’s nervous twitching with a confused frown. “Dude, you good?”

“O-oh, yeah, I-I’m fine.” Astrodude shook his head, quickly answering the green-orange moon’s questions. “I-it might be a family thing? But, honestly, the gods can sometimes just help out for fun, or because they like the person.”

“I like the family idea.” Titan decided, grinned at the little human. “Ever since you found that little lifeform, I’ve been trying to imagine what it’s like to watch so many generations of living creatures grow and pass by on my surface. I think I’d get attached to family lines too, if I was in the gods’ places.”

“Y-yeah? T-that’s…nice?” Astrodude was looking even more uncomfortable now, if that was even possible. Mercury was half-ready to ask Titan to back off, but he couldn’t really tell what the moon was doing to cause Astrodude to react that way.

“How’s the little guy doing, by the way?” Titan’s last question forced a wince from the human, furrowing the moon’s brow in real worry. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to it?”

“No-everythings-fine!” Astrodude gasped out in one breath, and just as swiftly turned back around to avoid the bewildered face of the moon. Titan lingered for a few more moments, exchanging confused glances with Earth and Luna, before shuffling quickly back to the other Saturnian moons. 

[HERMES & ENSEMBLE, ODYSSEUS]

(Oh) Wouldn't you like a taste of the power?

Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

(Oh) Deep in the night, the fight lasts for hours

You can be hurt or you can beat her

(Oh) Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?

Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?

(Oh) Deep in the night, the fight can be tragic

I'll help you conquer her

[ODYSSEUS]

Hermes, thank you

“Yes, thank you, Hermes! This man would’ve been completely destroyed if he’d just walked up to Circe!” Europa sniffed, glaring at the ceiling. “Honestly, you’d think a ‘warrior of the mind’ would be smarter than that!”

“I think we’ve already established that his intellect is unreliable at best.” Callisto murmured, her arms crossed over her chest as she listened. “Actually thanking the god might be the smartest thing he’s done so far.”

“Nah, that wine trick was still better.”

[HERMES]

Don't thank me, friend, you very well may die

“Oh? He called him a friend! Even Athena didn’t do that!” Miranda noticed with an excited smile, swinging her head to grin at Titania beside her.

“He also said Ody’s likely to die. That’s not a great way to encourage a friend." Titania criticized with a bored expression, pressed between two of the more rowdy Caeluian moons. 

“He’s just being honest! Any good friend is honest!” 

Mh-hm-hm, good luck

SONG ENDS

“Well, that was by far the nicest god we’ve met so far, even if he giggled too much.” Saturn summarised, hands clasped together before his chest. “I hope we see him again! It’s wonderful to have a real, nice character for once. Or, at least, one that’s not dead.”

“Indeed.” Jupiter agreed with his friend, passing a smile from him to Mercury. The smallest planet tried to return it this time, hoping to commit some of the room’s words to memory. If they liked a weird, giggly version of me, maybe I should try to emulate him? None of my other attempts have been working for millennia, so maybe it’s time to try something out of orbit, so to say?

As he was internally debating this, the room around him continued to discuss the song that had just drawn to a close. Astrodude barely looked recovered from his near-panic attack from talking to Titan, but Earth and Luna were still trying to drag him into their conversation. Mars was explaining something to his moons, and Venus seemed to be attempting to fake falling asleep, his head turned away from Mercury as he lay on the bean bag.

“Now can we call that character nice?” Nereid drawled, imitating her planet’s wide grin as she crawled over to Triton. The larger moon pushed his sunglasses back up with an exaggerated sigh of defeat, nodding to the little moon.

“Fine, yes. We can call Hermes a nice character.” Triton’s words erupted the other Neptunian moons into cheers, their planet smiling widely down at the chaos.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘DONE FOR’

A cautious, deep tune started the song off, the rapid beat that followed on reminding Mercury of the first song they’d heard. It brought that previous battle to mind, and with the title, gave him the sense that talking would not work here. Hermes had been implying as much, but he’d still hoped they could avoid a battle and be reasonable for once. Earthlings are so combative, honestly.

[ODYSSEUS]

Lady of the palace, sorry that I ask this

But I hope that I've been misinformed

“Oh? He’s starting off very cautiously.” Makemake mused, tilting his head towards his friends as he pondered aloud. “I wonder if he’s still trying to use ‘open arms’, or if he’s trying to lower her guard in some way?”

“I want to believe he’s still sticking to Polites’ values…” Pluto frowned to himself as he considered the question. “But, honestly, it really hasn’t been working out for him, has it?”

“Maybe not, but he shouldn’t give up on it!” Charon implored passionately, shuffling her legs up to wrap her arms around them. “Being kind even when it’s hard. That’s what’s important.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s Odysseus’ thought process here.” Eris continued scathingly, “He’s probably just hoping she’ll let him get closer if he doesn't sound hostile.”

I sent out some scouts to take a look around through

Here and they wound up at your door

Through the years we seldom

Get a warm welcome, so

I must ask just to be sure

Did you do something to them?

“They ‘seldom get a warm welcome’ because they steal from and fight half the people they meet!” Caelus pointed out incredulously, turning his eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. “And even the nicer islands ended in disaster. His crew screwed up that ‘game’ Aeolus offered them.”

“Welll, only, like, 78% of that was their fault.” Neptune put in with a grin. “The other 22% was completely out of their control!”

“Mate, where are you even getting those percentages from?”

[CIRCE]

Who, me?

All I did was reveal their true forms

[ODYSSEUS]

You turned them into pigs

[CIRCE]

Huh

“Huh?” Saturn repeated Circe’s reaction with confusion, turning to Earth and his human. “Are pigs the true form of his crew?”

“In Circe’s opinion, yes.” Earth confirmed, his mouth twitching up at one corner. “Honestly, it’s a bit rude to pigs. They’re not that bad.”

“Um, the original epic doesn’t really give the reason Circe turned the men into pigs specifically. And some people think it was just a metaphor for drunkenness or something similar.” Astrodude explained carefully, his own uncertainty leaking into the words. “But, I guess it would make sense for her to see them that way, if she’s protecting her nymphs.”

“From what you said about boar earlier, you’d think pigs were more dangerous than men, wouldn’t you?” Saturn tried to understand, his expression of dismay focused back on the screen.

“Unfortunately, no. Humans are way scarier than boar, in most circumstances.” Earth sighed out, glancing down to see Astrodude’s face turn to the floor. “Not you, of course, Astrodude. You’re probably fine!”

“T-thanks, Earth.”

I don't know who you are nor why you're here

But let me make this one thing clear

I've got people to protect

Nymphs I can't neglect