Chapter Text
Arin was bad at reading people. He realized that, just too late.
—
Arin sat curled up in the cave, waiting for Ras to return from his "errand" He hadn't told Arin what it was and Arin didn't ask. Not cause he wasn't curious but he was scared to.
He leaned his chin on his badly scraped knees. His whole body ached and he tried to ignore the pain as good as humanly possible, but it was hard.
I am just not strong enough. He told himself, but he knew that it was because of his body not getting what it needed to function correctly.
Arin blew his dirty hair out of his face and sighed, tears pricking at his eyes. No! I can't cry! It's a sign of weakness! He told himself angrily but a rebellious tear slipped down his cheek anyways, creating a path through the dirt, grime and blood covering his cheek.
He moved his arm slightly and frowned at the pain, rolling up his sleeve. On the arm was a still bleeding claw mark. He looked at it, it was printed on his arm as a punishment for being weak yet again.
"If you are weak then you'll never see your parents!"
Ras words lingered in his mind, clawing at his conscience and making him wanna throw up. He let his arm fall and curled up even more. He knew that he should be training but if he didn't rest then he would fall over.
But if I don't train then I'll never be strong enough! He told himself and leaned his forehead on his knees. He had a headache and gripped his hair in a hard grip. He felt horrible, but he deserved it, for all the pain he caused the ninja.
The ninja was painful to think about. It was hard to believe that he once excitedly chatted about them to Sora and his parents. Thinking about Sora hurt even more and his parents weren't much better. Arin made a sound between a sigh and a sniffle, curling up on himself.
He hated this. All of it.
He hated everyone.
He hated his parents for leaving him behind.
He hated Ras for giving him hope and lies.
He hated Lloyd for forgetting about him.
He hated Sora for lying to him.
He hated Wyldfyre for going along with all the lies.
He hated Kai for leaving.
He hated Cole for his caring nature.
He hated Nya for her sisterly instincts.
He hated Zane for his calm demanur
He hated Riyu for bringing him into this
He hated himself for existing.
—
Arin hadn't realized he'd cried until he lifted his head again and tear stains were on his face. He desperately wiped them, Ras couldn't see them, he just couldn't!
Arin closed his eyes and leaned backwards. What did he ever to do the Cloud Kingdom? He saved them. They should be thanking him! He clenched his fists in anger.
Arin stood up and grabbed a rock from the ground, ignoring the pain in his limbs. He exited the cave with a hard expression and threw teh rock as hard as he could. In the air it started spinning, but it wasn't object spinjitzu. It was shatterspin.
The rock blasted into a tree, blowing a big hole in it. Not good enough! He told himself and glared at the tree with all the anger he could muster. This is what Ras meant, taking his anger and using it as a strength.
He picked up a second rock and threw it at a second tree. A bigger hole appeared, but it wasn't not good enough!
He threw a third rock, not good enough.
A fourth, not good enough.
A fifth, not good enough.
A sixth, not good enough.
A seventh, not good enough.
A eighth, not good enough.
A ninth, not good enough.
A tenth, not good enough!
Arin screamed in frustration and threw an eleventh, blowing the tree off its roots. He was panting and his body felt like it might collapse. He leaned on his knees and breathed. Tears started pricking at his eyes.
Every time he threw a rock, he felt his soul slowly shattering, slowly breaking.
But then, he was maybe already broken before. He is just taking up the title from the back of his mind. He probably always knew that he wasn't mean to be a ninja, he just wished for it.
The ninja were his hero's, until he saw the depths. That life wasn't in black and white, only shades of grey. The ninja were the lightest shade and Arin was the darkest.
—
He jumped when he heard a stick break. He spun around with a rock in hand. Someone was moving in the forest. For a second Arin thought that it might be Lloyd or Sora, but he then realized what he was, a traitor, they wouldn't look for him. Why would they?
Ras emerged from the woods and Arin had to suppress a shudder. He was scared. Ras looked around at the trees and didn't say anything, he apparently had nothing to say as Arin trained and didn't rest.
"Arin."
Arin froze for a second, then turned towards Ras. "I need you to come with me for something." He said and Arin grew both curious and scared.
"For what?" Arin couldn't stop his question until it already left his mouth. Ras sent him a cold look and Arin looked down in fear. He was almost certainly going to punish him for the question.
Ras however didn't say anything for a moment. "That's not for you to know. The only thing you need to know is that if you fail, you will regret it." Ras warned, stepping closer to Arin, who had to repress the urge to curl up into a ball.
Ras was a few centimeters away from him. "Look at me." He said coldly and Arin looked up, hoping his fear didn't show. It probably did, from Ras expression.
"You are weak. Do you understand? The only reason you are coming with me is because you are clearly into improving, maybe even getting worse! Prove yourself to me soon, or I might change my mind on finding your parents."
Arin had to repress the urge to cry. He nodded. "I won't disappoint you." Arin said and Ras grabbed his arm, his claw digging into Aron's arm. Arin bit his tongue to not scream from the pain. Maybe he stepped over a border? Maybe Ras was finally going to get rid of him?
"You already have disappointed me, don't to it again." Ras voice was ice cold and let go of Arin, then walked into the cave. Arin arm dripped blood and he gripped it with his left arm. Ras didn't kill him.
Arin almost wished he did.