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At first, Rise was eager to do this—to go to the floodplain. To sneak out the night before school and revel in the final sliver of freedom she and her friends had. But now that she was actually here, she felt a pit at the bottom of her stomach.
It was fun at first with how nervous Naoto had been, and even Kanji briefly, although he refused to show it. Even so, they both agreed when their classmate came knocking at their doors and marched onward to the water. They sat together on a picnic blanket (courtesy of the Tatsumis) with the snacks she scrounged up and talked about anything that came to mind. Of course, that eventually had to be the subject of school.
Or more importantly, what came after it. Naoto brought it up first, which made sense. She had always been the most level-headed of their group in Rise’s eyes.
It wasn’t like Rise didn’t know where she was going, and it wasn’t like they didn’t either. She already had everything laid out for the next decade, as far as she was concerned. Idolship would hold her until she was about 24, 25, and then she’d go onto a different path in the music industry. Maybe open up a company with a flashy name…but what about everyone else? And what if, everyone forbid, she couldn’t fit them into her life anymore? What if they didn’t want her later, or couldn’t, in their lives?
“Rise?” Kanji’s voice cut into her thoughts, and her eyes moved from her reflection in the water to her left side.
“Sorry, what’d you say?” The girl—woman at this age?—gave a sheepish smile to her friend.
“Are you okay? You seem out of it.” Naoto, who was sitting on the other side of Kanji, spoke too. How long was she spaced out?
But she guessed that didn’t matter. It was long enough. A hand went up to her necklace without thinking, fingers toying with the chain. “I’m just…distracted. Again, I’m sorry.”
“Well—“ Kanji pursed his lips, seeming to be surprised for a second. “You don’t hafta say sorry. It’s cool. We’re just a little worried.“
Slowly, he put her hand on her shoulder. It wasn’t an unusual gesture, especially since Rise was often physical with her friends all the time. Kanji never really shied away from doing the same over the years, but this felt different. There was more weight on his hand.
Rise felt her eyes sting, but she didn’t look away from them. “Worried about what?”
“It’s just that you seem a bit out of it since I asked that question.” Naoto supplied and moved over to the other side of the blanket. “Was it bad for me to do that? I’m…I should be more sorry than you are.” She then placed a hand on her knee.
Naoto being affectionate was different. This was a rarity, and with the paired words…Rise clearly looked troubled to them. It wasn’t like she was trying to particularly hide it, but she hoped it would be able to be brushed off for the night.
Did she…ruin this? Was everything going to go wrong already?
She blinked, and suddenly she felt two sets of arms around her. A hug. Rise felt it, but couldn’t see it. Her vision was too cloudy—tears? That wasn’t supposed to happen.
“I’m-I’m…” A cough left her lungs. A loud heave of emotion. “I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean—“ What little air she had in her disappeared as a strong grip held her even tighter. Kanji, she realized, and felt herself naturally bury her head into his shoulder. She felt Naoto move closer with her head resting on her back. It was cramped, but there was comfort in the way she was enveloped. Perhaps it was undeserved, but for a moment, it was what she needed.
So much and nothing at all changed. Their style had morphed from their first year together, their interests have bloomed and expanded to new things, but it was still them. Us. And the idea of losing that made her heart hurt. A group like this...losing these people would break her.
“…Are you guys gonna leave me?” The question slipped out meekly, tasting like copper in Rise’s mouth. It was childish, she knew that as she gripped onto Kanji’s shirt, another grounding point. “When we graduate, are you guys going to forget about me?”
There was a pause. Of what, she couldn’t discern from her spot, but Naoto opened her mouth first. “What makes you think that?”
“I…I don’t know. I’m just scared. What if…What if we split apart? Wh-What if we all get way too busy, and then I’ll never see you all again? Or…or you guys just…” Stop liking me?
She couldn’t say it. Her front teeth dug into her bottom lip.
She wasn’t sure how long it took for her to open her eyes, to steady her breaths. A gust of late summer air brought her back to her senses, and she finally put her head on its side to look down at the grass.
“Rise…You should know that we wouldn’t just do that.” Naoto’s voice felt far-off in Rise’s head. The only reason she didn’t believe it was fake was because she still felt her arms around her. “You mean too much to us, and not just Kanji and me. Our senpais certainly feel the same way.”
Kanji nodded firmly enough that Rise could feel the motion by her. She swallowed up the urge to say “sorry” again and mustered up her own shake. “Did I…did I ruin tonight?”
Her classmates both gave their own answer of no, and somehow, that was already relieving, even if she didn’t full believe it.
“Hey, look, though.” Kanji gently but firmly nudged Rise off of his shoulder (and by proxy pushed Naoto back), holding her by the shoulders and making sure she was looking directly at him. “We don’t need to think about that right this second. We still got a good amount of time before we gotta go anywhere, so just…relax, okay?” His gaze was so, so soft.
“…Okay.” Rise wiped a stray tear from her face. “I can try.” She said with a nod, both out of confirmation and as a way to settle almost, a rhythm working in her head in the count of 4.
Naoto brought her head past Rise’s shoulders, making her face visible once again. “…Junes may still be open. Should we get some ice cream?”
A dry laugh left Rise’s throat. “We already have so many snacks here, though, don’t we? Maybe…maybe we should get some tomorrow.”