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You realize, in sixth grade, that you have a crush on two girls.
One of them is Jane Crocker. She’s five inches shorter than you, her eyes are blue like the sky, and she has short black hair. You don’t talk to Jane much, but her cousin is dating your cousin and one time, she carried you to the nurse when you sprained your ankle in gym class. You were over to her house one time, but you aren’t sure if she remembers that. She always smiles at you when you pass her in the hallway, and it makes your heart stutter.
The other one is a girl named Calliope. You have pre-algebra with her, and she sits three seats ahead of you. She’s always scribbling drawings in her notebook. Once, she wrote a poem about how much she hated her twin brother, Caliborn. You hate him too. He’s kind of a douchebag, but he’s dating your best friend, so you digress. You don’t talk to Calliope much, either, but she drew a picture of you in her notebook and tried to hide it when you passed her to hand your paper in.
The crushes last. You still have a crush on both of them by ninth grade. Your cousin is still dating Jane’s cousin, and the most interaction you’ve gotten with her is that one time you came over to her to tell her that her cousin was making out with yours in the boys bathroom. She walked right into the bathroom and dragged them both out by their ears, standing them up and giving them a talk about why it isn’t right to make out with your significant other when you should be getting an education and you laughed on the sidelines.
You don’t see Calliope much anymore, but you have art class with her. You sit in the front and she sits in the back, and sometimes you see her drawing pictures of Jane and you in the back of her notebook and you wonder if she has a crush on both of you, too. It takes you until tenth grade to finally ask her. You stop her at her locker, smile at her kindly, and then ask, “Do you have a crush on me and Jane Crocker?”
She brushes a few strands of blonde hair behind her ear and you see the blush on her cheeks. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. You are so going to tell Dirk about this tonight. “Yeah,” she admits quietly, still fiddling with her hair. You can’t help it. You jut forward and tug her into a hug, and she gasps but returns it after a few seconds of you just hugging her awkwardly. “What does this mean? Do you...want to date me, Roxy?”
“Um, hell yes?” You respond. “Hell fucking yes, Callie. I’ve wanted to date you since I was eleven. Now all we have to do is get Jane on board.”
You spend two months coming up with a plan on how to get Jane to date both of you. You plan on using your cousin and her cousin as an outlet, because hey, if you have an inside source, use the inside source. You and Callie stop Jane’s cousin in the hallway, and it’s then that you realize how small he is. He’s got to be about five foot zero, and he’s more spindly than both you and Calliope combined. Your cousin is six feet tall and pretty skinny, but he has muscle, too. Damn, how have you not noticed that they probably look hilarious together? “John Egbert, you are going to help me and Calliope win over your cousin. We are going to use your boyfriend in this plan. Are you in or not?”
“Which cousin?” He asks.
“Jane,” Calliope responds before you can. You feel like you’re playing good cop bad cop. “We want her to be in a polyamorous relationship with us. Do you think you could help us get her to date us?”
“Uh,” John scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I don’t know. Jane isn’t really one for dating more than one person-”
“Yeah, neither am I, but you see where I am,” You cut in. You are totally not going to have any of this nerd boy argue with you about winning his cousin over. “In or not?”
John sighs. “In, I guess. What do you need Dave and I to do?”
Hell yes. You got the nerd on board, which means you got your cousin on board, too. That kid follows John around like a lost puppy. You think it’s cute, but you wonder if it ever starts to get annoying. You put it on your list of things to ask John while you have his alliance. “Alright, so here’s our plan. I need you to get Jane over to my house for dinner. Neither of us ever talk to her, so it would be pretty awkward if we just walked up to her and said, ‘hey, will you come over to one of our house’s for dinner?’ so we need someone else who’s close to her to do it. That would be you. If you and Dave can convince her together to come over to my house, then we’ll pretty much already have her in the relationship with us.”
“What makes you think this is going to work?”
“Um, the fact that it is and this is literally the best plan ever because Callie and I are insanely smart and hot?”
John nods. “Right.”
Then he turns and walks away. You can see Jane at her locker (with your cousin! the plan is already running perfectly!) so you grab Callie by the wrist and tug her into the girl's bathroom with you. When she opens her mouth to start asking you why you did that, you kiss her right on the mouth and she stops talking. Then you turn back to watch your perfect plan unfold. John and Dave only talk to Jane for a few minutes before she walks away from them, and then you drag Callie over to them. She smiles at the fact that you’re nearly bursting with excitement, and you smile at the fact that she’s smiling.
“Well? How did it go?” You ask. You feel like a kid on Christmas. Dave doesn’t say anything to you, only nods, and you nod back. That’s how he greets you. That’s how you greet him. That is literally just how the two of you are. You are the best fucking cousins, you swear.
“Good,” John responds. “She said-” He stops talking and huffs. You raise an eyebrow, and then you start laughing when he actually hits Dave’s arm. “Hands off my ass, Dave. We are actually talking to your cousin right now about a plan we were recruited for. I’m not going to finish talking until you take your goddamned hand off of my ass and put it back on my shoulder.”
“What? Why do we all have to be punished because Dave is a perv?” You ask.
John laughs at you. Dave sighs and moves his hand up to John’s waist. You guess John has accepted that he would probably not be able to get Dave to move his hand all the way up to his shoulder, but he’s just glad it isn’t on his ass anymore. You love this nerd kid. He’s great. You regret never talking to him sooner. “As I was saying. She said yes. We’re having dinner at your house tonight, six o’clock sharp. Jane has some homework to finish first.”
You hug the nerd.
He hugs you back pretty easily, and after an unbroken minute of bro-hugging you step back and hold your hand out for Callie to grab. She smiles at you.
*
You dress up in your nicest outfit since Jane is coming over to your house. Unsurprisingly, John and Calliope are the first people to get there, and you escort them inside. Your mom smiles at them and throws back a jello shooter. You sigh and rub at your eyes. You kind of wish your mom wasn’t here, but you love her, so you guess it’s okay.
Calliope sits on your lap and John sits on the couch next to you, tapping away at his phone. You wonder what exactly he could be doing. Do nerds use instagram? Tumblr? You don’t know. He’s a pretty big nerd, so you just assume he’s doing homework on his phone, or something along those lines. After a few minutes of absolute silence aside from the jingle of ice in your mom’s whiskey, someone rings the doorbell. Callie stands. You follow, dust your dress off, and pull the door open. Dave and Jane are on the other side.
Calliope instantly bursts out with, “Would you be our girlfriend?” and you’re so taken aback that you start laughing immediately after she says it. Jane blushes. Dave says, “I’m flattered, but I’m already taken by another,” and you hit him in the arm. You step aside so they can both step inside, and Dave instantly goes to sit on the sofa, pulling John onto his lap despite the very small boy’s protests. You finally notice that they do look hilarious together.
“So, would you be our girlfriend?” You ask Jane, leaning against the doorframe.
She nods. Her face is as red as a tomato. “I’ve had a crush on both of you since sixth grade!” She shouts, looking away as soon as it leaves her mouth. You lean forward and pull her into a kiss. Then you kiss Calliope. Then Calliope kisses Jane. Then you try to do a three-person kiss, but it doesn’t work out so well, so you agree to never try it again.
“We get it, y’all are in a polyamorous clusterfuck, but can you get the cute shit over because I’m fucking starving,” Dave cuts in, and John hits his shoulder. “What? What did I say?”
“You’re being mean!” John says. “God, Dave.”
You laugh and escort the boys and your girlfriends to the kitchen.
The meal that night is loud, often interrupted by your drunk of a mother, and annoying, but you hold hands with Jane and Callie under the table so there’s no place you’d rather be.