Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lee had never done anything like this before, and the tension made his chest feel tight, as he looked over his shoulder. He’d told his father that his art club would be running late, that he’d be home later than usual, and he’d only been met with slight resistance; a frown with a half-hearted “Don’t be too late.”

He didn’t like lying to his dad, and he looked closely at almost every stranger, as if every single adult around was someone who would snitch on the teenager who had decided, with much hesitation, to skip his extracurricular that day, and sate his curiosity.

The Voodoopunks intrigued him, in a way he couldn’t describe all the way. The way his dad described them, they existed wholly to cause the rapture, bring doom and destruction to humanity with their painted faces and twisted beliefs. Yet, the kids in his classes who embroidered skulls to their sleeves and wore eyeshadow too bright for regular fashion seemed anything but; they were his old friends, cool, even, and Lee’s eyes lingered, wondering what they did when unrefined by dress codes and rules made to try and dissuade gang behaviour.

He sat next to one of them in art class, and they’d pointed at Lee’s work, asking if he’d want to illustrate one of their open-secret rituals. He’d jumped at the opportunity. Just a look wouldn’t hurt. He wouldn’t have to do anything. He could leave if he needed to, he was sixteen years old! He could handle himself! And, best of all, his dad didn’t have to know - despite his words, he doubted the man would notice if he heated his dinner an hour or two later than usual.

Besides, it wasn’t like what the Voodoopunks used to be; they weren’t hiding from the police in dark, damp tunnels, or perceived as perpetrators of a horrid civil war, like had been described in his modern history classes; they were under the watchful eye of Arcadia. Arcadia! He really didn’t see what his dad’s problem was.

His eyes were wide as he approached the building, people, slightly older than him - college aged, maybe - loitering around the door. A subtle form of guards, no doubt. Inconspicuous enough to come off as young people going about their life, yet coordinated enough with glares and judgemental tones to ward off those they didn’t want intruding.

Lee tried to puff out his chest, act like he was not one of the outsiders. He wished he’d brought someone - come in with the kid from his art class, at least, instead of deciding to come near last minute, with no plans. The dark jacket he wore was the closest he could find to voodoopunk fashion in his wardrobe - if he’d had more foresight he would’ve found his brightest thread to stab incoherent patterns onto it, or tried some homemade embroidery. His shoes were so flat, his face so dull and colourless… He pretended not to breathe a sigh of relief when one of the Voodoopunks gestured their head to the door, not immediately turning away the outsider.

“Maybe his dad was right” was the first thought he had upon entering the building, the doorway opening into a dark warehouse, illuminated by a strange mix of coloured fluorescent lights and candles. There was an odd scent to the air, that made him somewhat lightheaded. Was it simply perfume, or something stronger? He had half a mind to turn back, but the thought of having to retreat through that group, them realising he had immediately dipped out, made his face flush.

The second thought he had upon entering was to bash down the first. People he knew weren’t dangerous. It was odd, but it was new. Exciting. His dad didn’t get that.

He pulled his backpack closer, trying to remain unseen. It seemed as though people were still arriving, metal chairs lay scattered about with tables. Groups sat talking. Some around Lee’s own age, some younger, some older, all vibrant and smiling. Excitement filled the air, and Lee crept close to the wall, intent on finding a corner to pull out a sketchbook. It was easier to claim that he was invited to illustrate the event if he was actually illustrating.

Unless his classmate had been lying to him. Maybe he’d be laughed out, the all too familiar awkward embarrassment stinging him, or maybe he’d be used as ritual sacrifice, and this was all a ruse to bait him away from safety, and-

Someone was calling his name, waving to get his attention. At least he hadn’t arrived before the people from his school - the hesitation making him go slowly. There was people he only knew in passing, barely recognised. The kid from his art class was there, bright red plaits dangling down their ears, curling slightly.

“Saved you a seat!” They said, voice barely audible over the rest of the chatter. “I didn’t think you were coming, but oh, I’m glad you did.”

He took his backpack off, pulling it onto his lap as he sat. At least the many charms and patches on that didn’t look too out of place here, even if they were hand painted expressions, rather than the Voodoopunk skulls and doll paraphernalia that adorned most the room. Of course, there were those that argued that they didn’t necessarily have to stick to the whole death theme, but it was an undeniable motif.

Pulling a pencil case and a sketchbook out of his bag, he barely listened to the conversation surrounding him. Something about crossroads and paradise, he thought. Of course he knew about the Voodoopunk’s main belief system of glorifying the afterlife, but he didn’t know how seriously they took it. Dare he ask? Would he just look like a fool? What did-

A pink haired boy with wiry glasses tapped him on the shoulder, breaking him from staring into space. Lee vaguely recognised him as someone from the hallways at school, although he didn’t think they’d ever shared a class. He gave Lee a lopsided smile, his teeth slightly crooked, but it didn’t waver his confidence.

“It’s your first time at one of these, isn’t it.” He said. Lee startled slightly.

“Is it that obvious?” He tried to make himself laugh, but his eyes flickered to his notebook, the pencil he’d been playing with in his hand - the exact same habit he indulged in whenever he sat alone at lunch, or had been reprimanded by a teacher for chewing on his pen instead of paying attention in class.

The boy gave a soft laugh, dim freckles shining through over bright eyeshadow and dark concealer, somewhat breaking the impression of a fluorescent corpse. “I’ve never seen you at one of these.” He held out a hand, as if new people were a common occurrence to be embraced, rather than judged. “I’m Adrian.”

“Lee.” Lee took it.

“I hear you’re quite the artist.”

“I’m okay.” He pulled his sketchbook closer to him, away from prying eyes, but he sat up straight at the compliment nonetheless. Adrian didn’t waver.

“Are you joining in?” His gaze didn’t leave Lee, his eyes seeming to pierce into his skin. Did he blink enough?

Lee blinked for him in confusion.

“What?”

“The ritual. Are you joining or just watching?”

“Um.” Lee shifted awkwardly. What answer did he want to hear? He didn’t know, so he decided upon the truth. “I’m here to draw it.”

Adrian’s mouth opened in a small oh, his eyes lighting up. “Oh, that’d be awesome! Can I see it once it’s done?”

He leaned closer, all too close to Lee’s personal space, and despite everything in Lee telling him that he would normally be uncomfortable, he couldn’t help but revel slightly in the attention. It was often that people, beyond his teachers and the occasional classmate who sat near him, paid attention to what he was creating. His dad reacted with obviously feigned interest while he was learning, and although he was better now, he couldn’t bare to hear that tone again, and despite that confidence, there was no way he was going to go around showing it and shoving his mediocre creations in everyone’s face.

“If it’s any good, I can.” Lee said, making a mental note to try and pick Adrian out of the crowd once the ritual began, see if he could capture that smile, the genuine seeming expression. He knew he was gazing too much. He hoped he could brush it off as simple awkwardness, and not any realisations that were suddenly occurring at the proximity.

“Only if you’re sure you don’t want to join?” The hints in Adrian’s words were obvious. “We wouldn’t want you to miss out on the fun - ooh, ooh, I’ve got some face-paint in my bag, would you like-”

Lee cringed slightly. His dad would kill him.

“Quite scaring the poor guy, Adrian.” Someone else at the table lightly flicked Adrian’s shoulder. “Weirdo.”

“Freak.” Adrian shot back. Lee’s eyes shot back and forth as the pair traded insults, smiles on their faces.

“I’m not scared.” Lee folded his arms, his words strong, backed by the truth. They weren’t scary, they were kids, nice kids.

“So you’ll come do some rituals with us?” Adrian grabbed for Lee’s hands, as if they were old friends, shared a deeper connection - and Lee supposed that as Voodoopunks, they all did. If Lee was a voodoopunk for the evening, maybe he could be part of that, too.

“Just… no makeup?” Lee asked, trying to ignore the way his breath hitched slightly at Adrian’s excited grasp. “If I had a way to wash it off, I mean, maybe, but…”

“I’ll bring wipes next time,” Adrian laughed. Next time? “I mean, if you come back, but I’m sure you will. The rituals are enchanting, you’ll want to come back, I’m sure.”

The room had grown louder, as they talked. More people arriving as the time to begin grew closer. Someone got Adrian’s attention, pulling him away. Something in Lee wanted to follow, but he stayed, plastered to his chair. Watching where he went.

“Fancy-ass,” A kid at the table said. Did they share an English class? Another rolled their eyes, an affectionate smile on their face.

“What?” Lee asked. One of them gestured to the clear space in the middle.

The space where Adrian was stepping up, a cloak hastily draped over his shoulders, a blue candle cradled in his hands, that he gently rose as the room slowly fell quiet.

Was he leading the ritual?

He looked back at the table, and the confusion must have been evident on his face. His friend from art class leaned in and whispered conspiratorially.

“His mom’s some high up in Arcadia; Adrian’s been practising these rituals for ever. He steps in to run them sometimes.”

They sat back just as Adrian started speaking, the final stragglers falling silent. His words seemed to capture the room, and Lee wanted to hang on to every last word that fell from his mouth. It was enchanting, and Lee was falling right under the spell.

Was it the Voodoopunk’s spell? Or simply Adrian’s? Did it matter?

A candle was passed in front of him, some sort of incensed smoke rose from the wick that made his head spin even further. He didn’t reject it, following the boy’s instructions, and raising it, repeating passages in a language he didn’t speak, but thought he understood the meaning of nonetheless.

He barely glanced at his abandoned sketchbook as he joined the Voodoopunks in a circle, sat cross legged on the ground, all light extinguished other than the flickering candles held shakily in excited hands. His own part of the sea of unified fire, expelling smoke that started to creep into the center of the room, swirling and dancing to the sound of Adrian’s words.

His head hurt, and it was a struggle to focus his eyes, and yet, he gazed. Trying to see the spirits they were chanting about through the grey tendrils. It was too hot, every breath seemed to bring more smoke into his lungs, spreading through his body, making him too aware, yet half asleep, and every ounce of oxygen he did manage to capture was immediately expelled in chants he was sure he was mispronouncing - that he was sure everyone except Adrian was mispronouncing.

And then there was silence. He somehow managed to conjure up the breath to extinguish his flame when Adrian bade him too, and the room was plunged into darkness, as everyone followed suit.

He was sure he was breathing too hard. His eyes reflected strange patterns in the darkness - regular phosphenes, or enchanted spirits? It was impossible to tell, and yet Lee’s mind danced, as he slowly returned to his senses. His legs were numb, his back hurt, his head still pounded, and yet, he’d never felt so exhilarated.

Lights came back on all too soon.

He found himself wandering back to the table. To his bag and sketchbook. Steps slow and eyes wide, the surroundings seemed so dull, after that. He understood the need to stand out with fluorescent colours after that.

“I think I saw something!” He heard someone say. “A giant creature, a big mouth, and bigger teeth - something otherworldly,”

“No such thing,” He heard another say, “It was a wandering spirit, some sort of ghost girl. She came from Elysium! She looked like my great grandma as a girl…”

Lee was silent. He wasn’t sure what he’d seen, even as he pondered it, packing his stuff into his backpack, and wishing he had a watch. How long had the ritual been? Just how much would his dad kill him if he smelled like psychoactive incense when he got home?

He couldn’t find himself regretting it, though. Quite the opposite. He wanted to do it again, sit back down immediately and let Adrian’s words wash over him once more.

“How was it?”

Lee nearly flew out of his skin at the sound of the voice he’d just been rolling over in his thoughts. Adrian had managed to creep up behind him; not the hardest task, considering how distracted Lee had been, but surprising nonetheless.

“It- I-” Lee wasn’t used to stuttering, he wanted to kick himself. It was wonderful, he couldn’t bare not being able to do it again, he had to. Something about the connection they had all shared, the dizzy high that shone through all of them, the way Adrian tilted his head at him, as if he was desperate to know Lee’s true, genuine opinion-

“It was great!” His voice cracked three octaves. Adrian grinned, but he didn’t think it was in a mocking way.

“I’m glad you thought so, I really am.”

Adrian rocked on his heels in front of Lee, standing in front of him for far longer than was necessary. The movement did nothing to deter the awkward silence, however, and it lingered on.

“I should… go.” Lee said. “Thank you, I mean - it was -”

Something about the boy was making him lose his damn mind, Lee was sure, and he was starting to suspect it wasn’t the strange ritual.

“A bunch of us are going back to my place, if you want to come,” Adrian offered, and Lee had to double take. They wanted him? Was he part of the group, even after so short? Was he a voodoopunk, after only attending one small ritual, dressed inconspicuously? It seemed unlikely… but could he be? They seemed to know things; things that Lee so desperately wanted to find out. Secrets hid within the boy in front of him, and he wanted to know them all, and savour each as he did so.

“I’d love to, I really, would… But I can’t stay out too late.” Adrian’s face dropped at the words, and Lee regretted the words instantly. “I… Curfew… You know how it is.”

Adrian nodded, accepting. Was he really that disappointed that Lee wouldn’t be joining them?

“Another one of these, then? Maybe we can meet up before?”

“Absolutely.” Lee said, before even considering another option. “We’ll see eachother again. That would be nice.”

Adrian smiled.

“See you at school, Lee. Come say hi.”

Chapter Text

Lee was true to his word, catching Adrian at lunch, one time. It wasn’t hard to sneak away from his nonexistent friends. His only companions during breaks - the paintbrushes in the art classes the teachers were kind enough to let him stay in - didn’t so much as bristle at his abandonment. Pun intended.

It wasn’t long before he was sitting with them at lunch most days, and not long after that before they inhabited the art classroom alongside him, one by one starting their own projects. Adrian liked to sit next to Lee, for some reason. Watch him paint over his shoulder. It made him self conscious, at first, but it wasn’t long before it settled into a routine.

Adrian was just as enchanting outside of rituals as during them - not that Lee had stopped enjoying them. Lying to his dad became routine just as much as his new friends - he wouldn’t stay out too late, he wouldn’t do anything dangerous. It wasn’t bad, he told himself. He was just… fighting against his dad’s overprotective, outdated views towards Voodoopunks! That was it! Sure, he couldn’t go out later than his extracurriculars would usually run, but that was fine. He liked walking with his new friends through their neighbourhood, meeting new people and having fun even when no big rituals were planned.

Adrian didn’t run every ritual, and in some ways, it was even more magical when he didn’t. They’d sit next to each other, or stand and chant together. Lee’s mind drifted often, in the darkness. He imagined Adrian’s hand in his, the boy pressed against his side, leaning his head on his shoulder.

It only took a few sleepless nights to realise he was absolutely head over heels for the Voodoopunk boy. Lee had had crushes before, but it was always safer to admire from a distance. Rejection wouldn’t hurt if he never asked anything; and part of him hoped he could take the same approach with Adrian.

But Adrian seemed anything but distant. Even surrounded by other Voodoopunks, his attention seemed to often be on Lee. He knew his mind was most likely exaggerating the soft touches that Adrian gave him - tucking Lee’s hair behind his ear one time, wiping paint off of his shirt sleeve another - and yet, it still felt like fire to Lee’s mind. He wanted to melt under his gaze, and every moment close was a moment Lee almost caved; sobbing and jumping for joy at the mere presence of Adrian.

It was one of these moments that resulted in Lee’s agreement to the party.

Adrian had bid him wait a moment, once they’d walked some of their friends home, one evening. All he heard was Adrian inviting him somewhere, and he nodded. His eyes were fixated on Adrian’s smile, his hand burned where Adrian had grasped it to grab his attention, he was lost in his own thoughts. It was his own fault, really.

“It’s gonna be awesome,” Adrian said, his habit of falling up and down on the balls of his feet ever more endearing as the weeks started to pass. “You’ve not been to a proper VP party, yet - Oh, you’ll love it! It’s so different from the rituals, even better! Imagine games and dancing instead of chanting and prayer - Lee, I’m so happy you’ll come!”

Lee’s head spun with excitement as he and Adrian parted ways at last, lingering far too long to be normal. Was it his imagination, or was Adrian blushing under his glasses? Glancing at his lips? Was he seeing things, or was… was…

He was struck back into reality as he turned onto his street, and realised that the party would be far later than the times he usually snuck out. It wasn’t something he could pretend to be at his art club for. No, this would be something he’d need explicit permission from his dad for, and he grimaced at the idea of asking.

And yet… he wanted to go. He so, so wanted to go. The idea of having to tell the others that he couldn’t go have fun with his friends because his overprotective father said no made him frown. Especially if he couldn’t even get up the courage to ask.

He balled his hands in his sleeves, feeling the thread he’d sewn into them. His dad hadn’t noticed him slowly adopting the Voodoopunk fashions; the skulls he’d painted on his bag or the homemade badges, pins, and totems he traded with his friends in exchange for painting on their own schoolbags. Connor didn’t have to know it was a Voodoopunk party. Just a meetup between friends - that’s all it was, really! Just a teenage boy spending the night with his friends! Perfectly innocent!

…When would he see his dad? Dare he interrupt him in his office? Or ask him while he ate his dinner in front of the radio?

…Did he have to ask? Could he just go?

No, no. Of course he had to ask. He couldn’t just sneak out. Maybe his dad would be happy he was making friends.

…Did Connor know he used to spend every lunchtime alone in the art classroom?

He let himself in, locking the door behind him, as was his habit. Connor wasn’t in the kitchen, which meant he was in his office. Endless research into Arcadia which Lee didn’t understand piled on his desk, Connor pouring over them with a hundred times more attention than he paid his son the few times they talked to each other.

That wasn’t fair. Connor was a busy man, he had important work to do. And Lee was old enough to understand that - he refused to whine for his father’s attention like some immature child.

“Dad?” He asked, an hour later, when he heard the door to his study open. He totally hadn’t been waiting with baited breath, refusing to play any of his cassettes while he drew like he usually did, lest he missed the telltale creak.

Connor smiled at him. It wasn’t often that Lee came out of his room, even the boy had to admit - Not that Connor ever seemed to notice. On weekdays they kept to their own routines. It was easier, that way. No awkward tensions, no conversations that made Lee walk away feeling humiliated - just focus on their own lives; quiet to do homework, and a lack of meaningless distraction for Connor’s work.

“Hey kid,” He paused for a moment, tilting his head. “You need a haircut.”

Lee smiled, stuttering for a moment that let Connor turn, and start walking to the kitchen. He wouldn’t cook - they still had leftovers from Lee’s turn to make dinner the night before; which meant that he only had a few minutes to hover around while his dad heated it. He hurried behind him.

Despite Lee’s growth spurt in the last few months, putting him a solid few inches above most of his classmates, and the way he was taller even than his dad, now, he still felt tiny. Like Connor was simply looking over his head, and all he was doing was playing action figures on the floor.

“Dad, I was uh- meaning to ask,” He said. Some part of him wished Connor didn’t turn to face him; when his dad did give him attention, it was always patronising. As if Lee was still a baby with barely any perception of the world - hadn’t grown past the age of eight - and his rules didn’t seem to have changed much since. He took a breath and continued, trying to keep his hands still. “My friends want to meet up - at night - and it’d be… can I go?”

Connor stared at him for a long moment, and it took everything in Lee to keep his awkward smile from turning into a grimace. “I can get myself there and back, and it wouldn’t be too late, you won’t even hear me come in… haha…” He withered under his dad’s gaze, and failed in keeping his expression still.

“How late?” Connor asked, Lee made a lighthearted shrug, that was way too calculated to be lighthearted.

“I don’t know - but I could come back earlier, if you want! I could be home by eleven, leave early… Or earlier!” He tried to backtrack, seeing his dad’s expression.

“And how many people would be there?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, a few… my friends would be! And some of their friends, and…”

“So it’s a party?”

“Yeah.” Lee admitted. Maybe he should’ve lied, it’s not like Connor would have to know. He could’ve asked to spend the night somewhere, with Adrian, maybe!

He tried to imagine Connor asking to meet Adrian’s family. His reaction to his mom being some high up in Arcadia, or the Voodoopunk paraphernalia that he imagined littered their home.

Lee doubted he’d be let out the house ever again after that.

“...Can I go?” He asked. “Please?”

“Will there be alcohol? People older than you? Anything related to weird, odd cults that-”

“I mean, it’s a party, probably. But I can keep myself safe!”

“Then no, Lee.” Lee pressed his lips together, trying not to let his expression betray his thoughts.

“But-”

“I know what happens at the parties teens these days have - they’re worse than when I was a boy. I’m just trying to keep you safe, kid.”

“You don’t have to-!”

“I’m your father, it’s my job. You’re not going, Lee. Invite your friends here, if you want - just make sure you keep quiet while I’m in my office, and no more than three at a time-”

Lee took a long, deep breath. Tried not to roll his eyes. It was a challenge, but if he argued any more… He didn’t want to prove his dad right in thinking he was immature.

“Right, thanks dad.” His grumble gave away his disappointment, and he turned away. “Enjoy your dinner.”

He trudged back to his room, closing the door as quietly as he could, before screaming into a pillow.

It wasn’t fair!

Lee wasn’t a dumb kid, despite what the stuffed rabbit on his bed seemed to say. His friends weren’t, either. And the Voodoopunks weren’t some weird cult! Even if it was, it’d be a cool one, one Lee actually wanted to belong to, that his dad just didn’t understand. He bet his dad just had a miserable time at parties when he was Lee’s age.

He crossed his arms. He tried to distract himself with painting, then doodling. He plucked a few songs on his guitar. Anything to keep himself from trying to figure out how he’d tell Adrian he couldn’t go after insisting he would. He wanted to go. He so, so wanted to go.

It was later that night when the idea crossed his mind, and he snapped onto it almost immediately.

He could sneak out.

And so he made plans. He didn’t recount his conversation with Connor to his friends, simply assured them that he could make it. Adrian lent him a palette of face paint to prepare, he worked nonstop painting a pair of old shoes, decorating a jacket in the brightest threads he could find to throw over a plain black shirt. He prepared, and, by the time the next weekend rolled over, he found his feet dangling out of his windowsill, and was reaching to grab the branches of a convenient tree, and shuffle down it.

He made a valiant attempt not to look down, and lasted almost a full minute before his curiosity got the better of him, and the pulse that already pounded in his ears practically doubled. He gulped. If he fell and broke his arm, there was no way his dad would believe that he just happened to fall out the window.

Despite his trepidations, it didn’t take long for his feet to meet solid ground once more, planted firmly on the dirt of his garden. Would his dad be looking for footprints? He didn’t think so, and besides, the dirt was packed, any imprints barely visible.

Ducking beneath a windowsill, just in case, he quickly made his way to the street and started walking. He should have time, he’d only be a little late; he waited until he’d usually retreat into his room for the night to avoid suspicion, just after dinner. And besides, if his dad didn’t know… he didn’t have a curfew to be back for.

It was an exhilarating feeling, breaking the rules so blatantly, and he arrived at the party with a smile plastered on his face. The familiar smell of incense that engulfed his nose was almost as intoxicating as the sight of Adrian, smiling at him and greeting him as if he was the only thing that mattered. His eyes seemed to shine in the dim light, and Lee blinked, trying to take them in. He wondered if he could ever mix a colour so wonderful with his paints.

In that moment, he knew he’d made the right decision in coming.

“Our dear Lee’s very first VP party!” Adrian proclaimed to their friends, as if it was news to any of them, dramatically throwing his arm around the boy. Lee couldn’t hide his blush.

He leaned into the touch, and Adrian didn’t pull away, despite the awkward position; the shorter boy half on his toes in order to make the position seem somewhat natural. Adrian turned to Lee, their faces so, so close. “What do you think?”

“I’ve just walked through the door!” Lee teased. “It’s loud, and smells like alcohol, and I have a strange, pink creature clinging to me.”

Adrian laughed.

“So it’s good?”

You clinging to me is, Lee wanted to say, but Adrian had let go before he could get the words out, stepping away to show Lee the snacks and drinks. He followed, pretending that the parts of his shoulder Adrian’s fingers had rested weren’t burning.

Adrian barely left his side as the evening grew later, and Lee was glad for it. He may have found friends recently, grown confidence, become a regular at Voodoopunk gatherings; but parties were far from the organised rituals. Adrian introduced him to people. Adrian suggested fun activities for them. Adrian, Adrian… He made Lee’s head spin. And Lee was most certainly not upset that the guy he was crushing so hard on was paying him so much undivided attention.

The boy was full of good ideas, so when he suggested ducking outside for some fresh air, Lee immediately agreed. It was a cool, overcast night. Streetlights illuminated the paths they stepped, and after the heat of young bodies dancing and singing and screaming, Lee was surprised their breath didn’t curl in front of them in clouds of mist. At least he could blame his red face on the sudden temperature change, if asked.

Adrian was warm, and Lee found himself leaning into the heat as they turned a corner, into a secluded side of the building. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the shade, street lamps and lights from inside barely reaching them, and he blinked owlishly for a long few moments.

“Your jacket turned out well,” Adrian reached for his sleeve, lightly grabbing it between his fingers, and Lee couldn’t stop himself from the gasp that shot through his lips at the sudden contact.

Adrian’s eyes were wide, almost hesitant. It was an odd look on him. “I mean it, Lee. It’s wonderful.”

“Thank you.” Lee, for once, didn’t reflect the compliment. It was different from Adrian. Especially here. Alone. Secluded. His mind couldn’t help but wander.

“This is nice.” Lee said, “The party, I mean.” He tried to save himself. Adrian gave a small chuckle.

“I thought it was loud and smelled like alcohol?”

“It grows on you.” Lee tilted his head. The other boy still hadn’t let go of his sleeve. He wanted to fidget with his hands, he wanted to awkwardly snap his fingers or hide his palms in his jacket from the cold.

He found himself reaching out, wrapping Adrian’s hand in his, holding gently. Smiling, Adrian drew closer, leaning his head on Lee’s shoulder as Lee rubbed circles into his hand with his thumb. Maybe he wasn’t making things up; perhaps Adrian wasn’t this attentive to everyone, could…

“Can I kiss you?” Lee blurted out before he could think better of it. He couldn’t think of anything that would make that night more perfect.

Before he could backtrack, Adrian grinned, looking up. His toothy smile was one of the most gorgeous things Lee had ever seen, despite the dim light.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Lee had never actually kissed anyone before. He always thought descriptions of it were hyperbolic; blown out of proportion to illustrate fictitious tales and paintings of fantasies. But as Adrian held his shoulders, as if he knew Lee’s knees would buckle if just one more good thing happened, he could be sure his heart was about to explode like a firework. His mind barely registered anything other than the boy he embraced, and Adrian kissed him right back. Something in the back of his mind wondered if Adrian had done this before, but he didn’t really care. All that mattered was that Adrian was kissing him, and it was wonderful.

Adrian pulled away, another grin painting his face, his cheeks flushed even more than they had been, and Lee knew his expression mirrored it.

“I’m so glad I did.” Lee didn’t realise how breathless his voice would be.

“As am I.” Adrian said, cupping Lee’s face, and bringing their lips together once again. Lee had to chuckle to himself, slightly. Was it really a stereotypical Voodoopunk party without a pair sneaking away to make out?

Chapter Text

It became a habit to sneak out.

The idea of teenage rebellion thrilled him almost as much as the things he snuck out for; the friends he’d made, Voodoopunk gatherings he started to dreamily write songs about, dates with his boyfriend, as he and Adrian had declared each other soon after they started dating, with giddy smiles.

He almost stopped feeling bad about lying to his dad, claiming that he was tired, or that homework was piling up and that he shouldn’t be disturbed. And yet… He was sure his dad should have found out by then. Really, it was Connor’s fault, he tried to justify to himself. If Connor gave him sensible rules, Lee wouldn’t have to break them! Elysium, Adrian’s mom let him stay out almost as late as he wanted, encouraging him to embrace Arcadia.

It became a habit to break out, and yet, as much as Lee hated to admit it, he craved for a new way to defy his dad. Which was why he arranged to spend the night at Adrian’s.

He didn’t need much; a small bag that was easy enough to throw out of his window, containing little more than pyjamas and a toothbrush. Shimmying through the window and climbing down the tree barely phased him, and he didn’t even bother to duck beneath the window. He wouldn’t get caught. And what would Connor do? Ground him? Lee had too much experience sneaking around for that to be a truly threatening punishment.

Pillows lay piled in his bed, an obvious show of his guilt, if one were to look closely. But when did his dad ever look closely at him? He barely left his room on weekends - as far as his dad knew, at least. He could simply proclaim that he was being the stereotypical teenager who slept in late.

He’d never actually been to Adrian’s home before. His boyfriend (boyfriend!) had assured him that his mom was fine with it, and yet, it still made him feel odd. Wasn’t meeting the parents supposed to be some big thing? Was he going to be interrogated? Made to pay a dowry? Be offered a dowry? How would this work?

So lost in his thoughts, he almost walked straight past the house. And would have, if he hadn’t noticed the unmistakable flash of pink hair, strawberry blonde roots starting to show, in a window. Adrian had been waiting for him. He grinned. His heart swelled. Adrian greeted him with a hug at the door, babbling his ear off in the way Lee had learned he did when he was unashamedly excited about something. He would never get over how nice it was to see that side of Adrian.

“- Oh and my mom wants to meet you, she says she’s heard enough about you from me and wants to put a face to the name, so I apologise.”

Lee immediately snapped back to reality at the words, blood draining from his face. Pushing a loose strand of hair that had fallen from where Lee had tied it, behind his ear, Adrian gave a small chuckle. “She’s not scary, Lee. I promise. Or, well, she’s not scary when she’s not working. My mom’s chill! She’s cool!”

“A cool cat.” A woman deadpanned from behind Lee. If the smile on her face that clearly matched Adrian’s was anything to go by, it was his mother.

Adrian cringed at the words.

“Moomm,” he droned. “I was being nice! You don’t need to torture poor Lee with your hippie-punk slang-”

Lee did a double take. The woman was familiar beyond just similarity to Adrian. He’d seen her before, he was sure of it. If only he could put his finger on where…

“Nice to meet you, Lee, I’m-”

“Amber!” Lee finished. Oh. Oh this was - Oh no.

Oh no.

Adrian gave him an odd look, and Lee squirmed. How was he supposed to explain that he recognised his boyfriend's mom from old family portraits? Amber was going to hate him - Adrian was going to hate him. Why, why, why did the world hate him? Why-

“Do you… know my mom?” Adrian asked.

“You’re my dad’s ex.” Lee got the words out as quickly as they could, as if they would burn him. He almost wished they would. It would be preferable to this. Amber stared at him. He didn’t blame her. “Connor. Connor Morgan!”

Amber’s expression turned into a grimace.

“You’re Connor’s kid?”

Eyes flittering between his mom and his boyfriend, Adrian looked completely lost. Lee buried his face into his hands.

At least he didn’t have to pay a dowry if Amber hated him so much he was kicked out immediately.

Lee gave a smile so awkward it made him want to weep. He didn’t know why he waved his hands in an odd interpretation of a theatrical jazz show. In that moment, he vowed to try and pray at the next Voodoopunk ritual for the ability to let the ground swallow him whole whenever he wanted.

“Does he know you’re here?” Amber asked. “I can’t imagine that- I can’t imagine him agreeing to-” She was cut off by Lee’s smile turning to a pained grimace. She sighed. “Your secrets are safe with me, kid. I know what he’s like. Now, why don’t you both stop hovering in the doorway. Sneaking out deserves a hot drink, don’t you think? How do you take your tea, Lee?”

Adrian stared at them both.

“...Who’s Connor? Why do you know Lee’s dad?”

“Please,” Lee turned to Adrian, a pleading expression on his face. “Babe, please. Don’t ask.”

Amber chuckled from the kitchen, the boys following her through.

“Now, behave. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” She waved her hands, jokingly and dismissive, “Don’t wake me up, and I’ll leave you two alone. Deal?”

“Absolutely!” Adrian agreed, expertly ducking away from Amber’s attempt to ruffle his hair. Lee watched, trying not to imagine what it would be like to have Amber as a mom.

Adrian pushed a mug into his hands barely a moment after Amber left, grinning as if the awkwardness of the last conversation had never happened. “Now, are you still up to do the plan?”

“Elysium, yeah!” Lee cradled the mug in his hands. “It’ll be awesome! Sure the weather’s still clear tonight?”

“You’ve just walked here, you tell me.” Adrian sat down, gesturing for Lee to follow him. “Besides, Voodoopunk weather prediction spells never lie-”

“Except when they do.”

“Details, details,” Adrian shook his head back and forth playfully. “Don’t diss the VP spells, babe. We’ll chill with drinks, and when the sun’s gone down a bit more, we’ll get ready - I even looked out that cool blanket I was telling you about. It’s just as cosy as I remember.”

Lee grinned, and true to their previous plans, as the hours started to draw late, Adrian set up the ladder. Months ago, Lee would’ve refused to climb more than a few rungs, but with practice climbing up and down much less safe trees, and the daring bravery that wanting to impress his boyfriend gave him, he reached the roof in no time.

“Catch!” Adrian called, and Lee barely caught the bundle his boyfriend threw to him. It had only come slightly undone in the air, a few packets falling back down to the ground as Lee fumbled.

“Be careful!” He called, as Adrian shoved the remainder in his pockets, swiftly following up the rungs.

Adrian grinned at him, as Lee helped him make the final climb to the roof, grasping their hands firmly. “Always.”

Lee rolled his eyes, unwrapping the snacks encased in blankets and pillows that Adrian had thrown, and tossing them up further, freeing his hands to climb safely.

“Oh, come on, babe, you’re the one who wanted to stargaze with me,” Adrian teased. “Don’t be such a sucker about safety now - we can go down if you really want.” Lee shook his head.

“It’ll be fun,” Lee spread a blanket out on the slanted tiles. Hopefully the pillows would make it somewhat bearable. “Do the Voodoopunks say anything about the stars?”

He lay back, staring up and letting his eyes adjust. It really was a beautiful night. It was clear, and he could see the faint glow of shining dots in the sky, despite the city’s light pollution. He tried to recall some constellations he used to know - or maybe he could make his own. Maybe those three in a cluster could be the Baron’s skull, or that little group could be from Cerridwen’s cauldron.

“We focus more on the here and now,” Adrian said, following Lee’s lead, and getting himself comfortable next to him. He curled into Lee, putting his leg over Lee’s own, and lowering his voice. “I like that far better.”

Lee turned to face him and their lips met briefly, before he turned back to the sky. Adrian gave a contented sigh, sated by the attention.

“What about out there?”

“We don’t worship aliens, dude. Everything has its own here and now that they can enjoy.”

“No, I mean…” Lee closed his eyes, finding Adrian’s hand with his, and gripping it tightly. Adrian gripped it back. He didn’t let go. Maybe Adrian had a point, and enjoying the moment was far more preferable to existential crises. He was so warm compared to the cool night air.

Adrian pulled away for a moment, reaching for a bag of the snacks they had brought, and Lee smiled. It was nice, up there. Their own little world, away from prying eyes. Even the stars were too caught up in their “here and nows” to spectate them.

“Oh, heck yeah, you got the gummy worms.” Lee reached for the packet that Adrian tossed to him. Adrian smirked at him, a teasing eyebrow raised.

“You always go for it first at parties. Obviously you like gummy worms.”

“Wow.” Lee said, mock offense on his lips. “Wow. Never eating gummy worms again.” He said, opening the pack.

“Oh hush, you, I’m being nice. What if I suggest we eat them lady-and-the-tramp spaghetti style? Kiss in the middle?”

“That would not work.”

“Wanna test it?”

“Obviously.” Lee offered the pack.

It took almost half a pack of gummy worms, and three quarters a pack of lace candies to get something vaguely resembling a kiss - keeping something in one’s mouth while laughing is harder than it looked, after all. Adrian’s laughter was more precious than any perfectly romantic moment, anyway, Lee thought.

He sighed, contentedly.

“You know, my dad never used to let me have more than two gummy worms at once,” Lee said, as they finally finished the pack, snapping the last one in half with his teeth. “Claimed I’d get a stomach ache.”

“So that’s why you practically hoarded them at every VP party. I thought you were just some candy maniac.”

“That too, although I have another sweet fix now.” He pressed an exaggerated kiss to Adrian’s cheek, who blushed, despite the horridly cheesy words. Lee squinted to see through the awkward illumination of the street lights.

“If you start calling me gummy worm, I’m breaking up with you.”

“Aww, there go all my plans…”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Your ridiculous.” Lee made exaggerated kiss motions toward him, and Adrian rolled his eyes, beaming.

“At least I now know the way to your heart is through gummy worms.” Adrian reached forward, running fingers through the long hair at the back of Lee’s head, tangling them in it, before pulling Lee close to kiss him once again. Lee’s heart skipped a beat at the action, and he practically melted into the embrace.

“Why I joined the Voodoopunks." Lee deadpanned, knowing the real reason was currently holding him close, holding Lee in his hands. Adrian chuckled, pressing a final kiss to Lee's lips, before pulling away.

"You know, speaking of parties... I was meaning to ask, Lee." Lee nodded, only half paying attention to what the boy was saying, more interested in wanting to pull him back into his arms. "Would you ever want to sing at them?"

Lee sputtered, suddenly thrown back to an awkward reality.

"What? Like... Chant? Don't we do that at rituals already?"

"No," Adrian shook his head softly, smiling. "As in... Music. You have an awesome voice - You write cool songs. They'd love you."

Lee could feel himself going bright red. "You're biased." He deflected. "You are so biased."

"Am not." Adrian argued. "Am so not. You'd do brilliantly." He paused for a moment, before drawing in once again, putting his palm to Lee's cheek. Lee leaned in.

"You don't have to..." He said, "but it'd be nice."

"I'll think about it." Lee said, already half lost in his boyfriend's eyes once more, and the way Adrian smiled at the words.

They kissed again, and Lee's grin started to return.

"And, hey," Adrian whispered, barely audible, despite how close his lips were to Lee's ear. "I call dibs on front-row seat boyfriend privileges."

"Of course.”

“Mhm,” He said, barely paying attention.

Chapter Text

This was so dumb, so pathetic, so ridiculous.

The thoughts echoed through Lee’s head as he half walked, half ran to Adrian’s house, trying to take deep breaths. He hadn’t even bothered to sneak, that time; Connor had watched him walk out, slam the door and storm away with nothing but a jacket and a pack of gum in his pocket. His eyes pricked with tears.

Amber wouldn’t mind if he showed up, right? She’d always insisted he was welcome after the initial shock of who his dad was wore off. Adrian wouldn’t object, right? It was barely seven pm; he wouldn’t be asleep, right? Would he be busy? Would he laugh at the stupid argument? He really tried to clear his mind as he walked the familiar route to Adrian’s home.

His boyfriend opened the door a long few moments after he knocked, long enough that Lee had almost panicked and ran off once more to circle the block a couple more times than he already had, trying to make it look like his breath wasn’t shaky.

“Lee?” Adrian asked. Lee could barely look at him. “Are you okay?”

He wasn’t. He was being stupid. He should go home and deal with his stupid problems by himself and-

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Adrian said, without hesitation. “Of course you-” He glanced back, over his shoulder. “My mom’s home, wanna run up to my room and I’ll let her know you’re here?”

Lee nodded, grateful for the chance for a few moments alone, to bury his face in his hands and pretend he was deserving of comforting. He took his shoes off, sat at the foot of Adrian’s bed, like he did so often now, tried to pretend this was a normal night.

“What’s up?” He was broken from his thoughts far too quickly by Adrian re-entering the room, hovering at the doorway, looking hesitant to open his own space. “Want to talk about it?”

Lee shrugged, pulling his knees up as Adrian crept in, sitting next to Lee and offering an arm. He leaned in, resting his head on Adrian’s shoulder.

“Sorry.” He said, closing his eyes, tears welled under his eyelids.

He could almost feel Adrian’s frown. The way his eyebrows would furrow in concern.

“What for? Lee, are you okay-”

“My dad’s being an ass.” He muttered. Adrian sucked in a breath, grimacing.

“Again?”

“Again.” He sighed. “I can’t- I needed to get away. I can’t deal with- He’s so damn presumptuous.”

Adrian’s hand trailed up to the top of Lee’s neck, his finger twirling in the base of his hair, rubbing comforting circles into the back of his head. Lee wanted to melt. He wanted to cry harder. Was this what trusting someone with his feelings felt like?

“He’s always an ass, from what I hear.” Adrian’s voice was soft, far softer than usual. Sympathy like this was an alien feeling, but not exactly unwelcome. “You want to talk about what he’s done now?”

Lee squeezed his eyes shut, trying to decide whether he dared. His mouth opened before his brain was fully sure.

“He’s not talked to me properly in months, barely knew when I was out the house, you know?” He took a deep breath. “And suddenly he decides he wants a night off. He gets some dinner, wants to talk to me.”

“Mhm,” Adrian prompted.

“And I was expecting him to say, “Oh, son, how are you?” you know? “Have you made any new friends?” “How is school? You had a good report card the other week”” He made an awful Connor impression through the lump in his throat. “Nice conversation, you know?”

“And it wasn’t?”

“It was half an hour of him bugging me about getting a haircut and reminiscing about the toddler I used to be.” Lee huffed. “Tried to argue about the haircut, got into… more of an argument than that.”

Adrian nodded, holding him tightly.

“If it means anything, I like your hair. It’s almost long enough to braid.”

“I know! I like it too, I…” He scrunched his nose, “And it’s not like he sees it much, anyway. If he wants to treat me like a baby, he can’t just - just leave me alone until he remembers he has a son!”

Adrian thought for a long moment, leaning his head on Lee’s. For a moment, he thought Adrian would agree with his assessment of himself - that he was making something over nothing, and being ridiculous. And then Adrian spoke.

“You know what would really piss your dad off?”

Lee pulled away slightly, looking at him. His eyes were still puffy.

“What?”

“Dyeing your hair.” He said matter-of-factly.

“What?”

“He can’t undye it.”

“Without making me shave it all off.”

“Just don’t let him! Stand up for yourself, run here - it’s not like my mom will shave your hair off for dyeing it.”

Lee looked at Adrian’s hair, recently redyed, new streaks of green joining in with the stark pink he always wore. It would’ve looked horrendous on anyone else, but Adrian was gorgeous.

He wondered if he had to convince his mom to dye it, or whether Amber had just shrugged and helped. He wondered what would happen if he so much as joked to Connor about dyeing his hair.

“That sounds…” Lee grinned. The idea of doing something so blatantly against his dad, flaunting it in his face, was slightly intoxicating. Or maybe it was Adrian’s encouragement that made it irresistible. He didn’t think it really mattered which it was.

“I have some leftover green dye.” Adrian wiggled his eyebrows, conspiratorially. “I can get my mom to help, she knows how to do it.”

Lee’s smile grew louder.

Barely ten minutes later he had an old sweater around his shoulders to protect his clothes, and Adrian barely resisting his excitement, rocking on the balls of his feet. He was sat in the cramped bathroom, a hastily dragged in chair under him, as Amber parted his hair, having insisted that if they were dyeing hair impulsively, they were doing it properly.

“I’m not having Adrian let your hair fall out because you left bleach in it overnight.” She grinned. Lee paled.

“That can happen?”

“It won’t.” She shook her head. Adrian grinned. Lee couldn’t help but grin back, feeling slightly ridiculous.

An adult being involved, helping him, supporting decisions… Even if it was his boyfriend’s mom, it was a nice feeling. He had a slight suspicion that Amber was even more eager to annoy Connor than the petty teens were.

He didn’t tense up as Amber helped put bleach in his hair, or accidentally tugged a little. It was nice. So, so nice. He didn’t have to prove himself to need help. He was accepted as he was, messy teenage hormones and impulses and all.

It helped that Amber was a Voodoopunk. Already encouraged Lee - came to him to ask about helping paint and add colour to Arcadia centers. He felt so grown up when she asked him to take on the responsibility - she cared, but didn’t treat him as a child. Half of him wanted to ask if he could just move in with the pair until he finished school.

“Trust me, kid. It’s far easier to get a dye job that isn’t patchy with other people, at a time that isn’t three in the morning.” Amber’s voice was affectionate.

“Do you speak from experience?” Adrian asked.

“I’m glad you’re going with green and not highlighter yellow.”

Lee couldn’t help but laugh, trying to imagine the idea. His boyfriend giggled.

“I’ll show you the pictures later,” He promised. Amber gave an exaggerated gasp.

“And here I thought I was supposed to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend!” Adrian rolled his eyes. From the tone of her voice, Lee knew she’d be reaching out to mess up her kid’s hair if she wasn’t busy with Lee’s own. “Be nice to me, or I’ll mess up your hair.”

After careful instructions to wait in the bathroom so nothing got unnoticed bleach stains, and Adrian perched on a counter, that Lee was sure was gonna fall, to talk to him, they washed the bleach out and started on the dye. It could’ve indeed been highlighter yellow, for all Lee cared about the shade - for a painter he really should’ve spent longer deciding, but the thrill of changing something so drastically about his appearance made him near giddy. Enough so that Amber had to steady him when he almost slipped on stray water on the floor.

“There’s a lot of waiting involved in dyeing hair.” Adrian commented, checking his nails.

“Good thing I raised you to be patient.”

Adrian gave a joking scowl to his mother.

“Want to use my nail polish next?” His voice was light, but knowing Adrian, completely serious. Lee grinned as water started running slightly less green as they washed out the excess.

It was a nice shade - like the paint he used on his sneakers, and the green eyeshadow he liked to drag along his face during VP rituals. He wondered if Adrian had chosen it because of the similarities. And when he finally rubbed it half dry, and gazed at himself in the mirror, he was overjoyed. Even frizzy from the towel, darker than it should be with dampness, it was a million times better than he’d imagined.

“Thank you,” He started to say to Amber, “Thank you so-”

“Don’t worry about it, kid. You’re practically family.”

Adrian blushed, almost pinker than his own hair.

“It’s too early for marriage, mom! Come on-”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking about that.” Amber said, “You’re welcome over any time, kid.”

Lee’s eyes widened, and he wanted to cry for a much different reason than he had been a few hours ago. He found himself standing up straighter, beaming under the kindness and acceptance.

If he was anything like Amber when he was older, he’d be happy.

It was far better than being like Connor, he decided.

And when Amber settled the pair down with hot chocolate and a shitty film, sitting down with them to watch it, he realised that this was far more concern than Connor had shown him in the last month. Even if his dad was right, if Voodoopunks were dangerous, and bad, and wrong… Wasn’t an absent father worse?

It was nearing midnight by the time he finally got home, bracing himself to knock on the door and see if his father was still awake. Adrian stood near him, prepared to walk him back home to spend the night if he couldn’t get back in.

There was no response. Lee swallowed, glancing at his boyfriend.

“Maybe he’s asleep.” Adrian tried. Lee shifted on his feet. Maybe he was. Maybe he didn’t care that Lee wasn’t home - didn’t care every night. Maybe he was happy for the peace and quiet, even if Lee barely made any noise, quiet in his room even if he was home.

He tried the door handle. It was unlocked. He couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief, and looked back at Adrian.

“Thank you.” He said. He’d barely finished the words when Adrian was upon him, arms wrapping around his shoulders, squeezing tightly.

“Remember, spare keys are under the left plant pot, if you need them and we’re asleep.” Adrian said. Was that concern in his voice?

“Yeah.” Lee said, as quiet as he had once been, before finding his friends.

“Sleep well,” Adrian tried. “See you at school?” He pulled away, his hands still gripping onto Lee, nonetheless.

“If I’m not grounded from that.” Lee joked, then sighed. And hugged him back. “You too, Adrian. Sorry to keep you up.”

“Don’t be silly.” Adrian leaned up, kissing him. “Goodnight, Lee. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lee said, reluctantly letting go, turning back to his own door, and letting himself in.

The keys were hooked where they usually were, and he locked the door behind him. He didn’t dare call out to his dad. The lights were still on. And Lee peered around the corner, to the dining table he had stormed away from.

Connor lay hunched over, a glass of something amber on the table next to him. It took Lee a moment to realise he was asleep. Had he been waiting for Lee to come back? Or had he simply decided to have a drink and grown tired?

He fiddled with his hands, suddenly feeling so much more like a child than he’d ever been.

He didn’t dare wake his dad, instead finding a post-it note, penning a simple, “I’m home - Lee” note, and praying his dad didn’t wake him to continue their argument in the middle of the night - or worse, want to talk about it and make Lee apologise. He wished he knew what to do. He wished Amber was there to give him advice, or stand next to him with silent support.

Maybe he should wake his dad.

Instead, he trudged up the stairs to his room, and collapsed onto bed, still in his outside clothes. He stared at the ceiling for a long time, until he heard the creaking of the stairs, and hesitant footsteps outside his room, that eventually walked away, the creaking of the door to Connor’s room extinguishing them.

Chapter Text

“You gotta take this little guy.” Adrian said, lying back on Lee’s bed. Lee rolled his eyes.

“Remind me to never let you into my house again.” Lee grumbled as he finished stuffing the last of his paints into his backpack. His dad wasn’t home; he had barely been home the last few weeks, as the ascension grew closer. It was a good thing, really, Lee supposed. Sneaking things to Amber’s to take with him had been easy. Adrian had offered to help him pack the last of his things, although, “help” wasn’t exactly what he was providing.

His boyfriend raised an eyebrow, holding up the stuffed, patchy rabbit he’d been cooing over.

“No, I mean it, babe. You can’t leave him.” He said, before, in a higher voice, imitating the speech patterns of a baby stuffed rabbit as he bobbed the plushie up and down, “Don’t leave me, Lee. I wanna come to paradise.”

“Her name is Persephone and she does not sound like that.” Lee grumbled as Adrian giggled. He sighed, and held out his hand. “Pass her here, she can come.”

“Fuck yeah,” Persephone said, through Adrian’s voice. “Thank you Lee!”

He couldn’t help but smile as Adrian flopped back down on the bed, and Lee scoured his room for anything else he may have forgotten. His school things still lay on his desk, his posters on his walls. He wondered how long it would take for Connor to take them down once he was gone. A week, probably. Maybe less.

It’s not like Lee intended to come back. He was going to Paradise. He was going to live with his favourite people; the family that felt more like home than Connor had in years.

Would he get homesick? Nostalgia came in strange waves, after all.

Would he regret his decision?

And then he looked at Adrian. Of course he wouldn’t regret it. He wasn’t going to get cold feet now, not when he was so close, mere hours away from stepping foot in Elysium, exactly where he wanted to be. It was reasonable to be nervous, but with Adrian’s hand in his, he could do anything, and besides, the excitement in his throat far outweighed any fear and uncertainty.

“I think that’s everything.” Lee said, pulling the backpack onto his shoulders. Adrian looked up from his place on Lee’s pillow, and Lee couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat. They’d been dating long enough that it was odd Adrian hadn’t been in his room before, but the boy - almost man - lying in Lee’s bed, hair sprawled around him, gazing at him with joy, made it seem like Adrian was completely at home.

And soon they would be at home together. They’d live together, and be happy, and nothing could stop that.

“You ready?” Adrian asked. Lee nodded.

He only hesitated slightly as he walked down the stairs for the last time, only spared a small glance at the kitchen, only brushed his hand slightly longer than usual against the door as he closed it behind him, never to open it again.

Taking his hand, Adrian gently squeezed. He didn’t have to say anything for Lee to know the expression of comfort behind it. At least the moment was more sweet than bitter, Lee supposed. He wondered if his dad would even notice he was gone.

They took the long way to Arcadia, and even so, it felt too short. He and Adrian had stargazed for the last time the night before - pondering the constellations Elysium might have, yearning for more spectacular ones. They were always yearning; always wanting perfection, and their wish would be granted so soon.

At the Arcadian warehouse, Amber’s eyes shone with grasped dreams and hope. She hugged Adrian, pulling him tightly, ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead, and it didn’t take long for her to do the same to Lee. The boy hugged her right back.

“Is it all going to plan?” Adrian asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet, the way he always did. Maybe he’d bounce so wildly he’d fly, in the joys of elysium. Maybe they both would fly.

“You bet.” Amber held her hand out. Her son met it, high-fiving her.

“My dad hasn’t…?” Lee had to voice the concern that had been eating at his mind.

“Nope.” The woman grinned. “Nowhere close. We’re making it through.” Lee could’ve cried at the confirmation, and Amber wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. Like family. “Now, you two, help me pass out bags and radios. And familiarize yourself with the work rotas! It won’t be easy to set up a home.”

“We know, we know,” The words didn’t hinder Adrian’s excitement.

“Of course we’re helping, what first?” Lee offered.

He recognised kids from his school as he passed out equipment with his boyfriend. Some were with little siblings - some their grandparents. The red haired kid from his art class, the one who first invited him to a ritual, was there, and they high fived the pair. Shared revelry in a dream come true, and their prayers coming to fruition.

“Are you sure you don’t want to leave a note for your dad?” A voice said in the back of his head. He glanced outside, before shaking it to push it away. Putting his hand on Adrian’s shoulder, he pulled him in for a kiss. They were going home.

“Aww, babe.” Adrian laughed into Lee’s lips. “Not that I don’t wanna make out with you now, but we’ll be in paradise a whole lot quicker if we do what we need to.”

Lee pulled away, pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug, instead.

“I’m glad I’m going with you.”

Adrian softened.

“Me too, I’m glad you’re here.”

Chapter Text

Lee’s paintbrushes weren’t quite sharp enough to get the streaks of paint exactly how he wanted them, and yet he persevered. His tongue poking slightly through his lips his face was pressed so close to the paper he was practically lying upon it. The ache in his neck from the awkward position was nothing compared to the wounds that everyone there sported, the consequences of a cursed paradise.

“Grass again?”

He startled, a line going off at an odd angle. He sighed.

“How long have you been standing there?” Lee asked, pressing the end of his paintbrush against his lips, wearing wood leaving a familiar taste.

Adrian shrugged. “Time is fluid.”

Tilting his head, Lee exhaled affectionately through his nose. The joke was old, but welcome nonetheless. Any humour always was.

“How’d the research go?” Lee asked. Adrian closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head in a way that Lee had long since learnt meant ‘not well’.

He sat next to Lee, his form drooping as he reached to untie his shoes. They were a far cry from the brightly painted boots he’d originally come to Elysium in almost two years before - they’d worn through soon enough, and besides, fluorescents weren’t good for hiding from them.

“We lost another trying to go through the portal.” Adrian turned away from Lee’s grimace. He hated Lee seeing him without the light in his eyes, he’d admitted one night, awoken and near hysterical from nightmares and flashbacks of the day’s events.

Lee reached for him, wrapping an arm around Adrian’s shoulder and letting him collapse into his boyfriend’s hold. Adrian’s eyes were closed, but Lee could tell there were tears behind the pale, colourless eyelids.

His hair had grown out the dye long ago, his natural strawberry blonde seemed grey compared to what it used to be; and his face was a pasty white, freckles almost completely gone with the lack of sunlight in the purgatory. The only colour was his eyes, and the scars.

Pressing a kiss to the side of Adrian’s face yielded a sigh of contentment, riddled with pain and stress. Lee tried to give him a reassuring smile.

“You don’t need to worry about me.” Adrian said, “Go back to your painting, and I’ll get washed up.”

“Did you get hurt?” Lee asked.

Adrian hesitated enough that Lee knew the answer before his boyfriend opened his lips.

“Nothing major.” He said. Lee raised an eyebrow. “I got bandaged up. Went to medical before I came here.”

Lee nodded. Visions of blood stained sheets from wounds Adrian had hidden, in a desperate attempt to pretend their dreams hadn’t long since fallen through their fingers, would never truly leave his mind, he knew.

He gently took the bandaged hand Adrian offered him, turned it around to inspect the handiwork of the medics.

“Happy?” Adrian asked. Lee wanted to recoil at the words.

“You’re not.” Lee pointed out.

“I’ve told you; I’m capable of fighting, so I choose to volunteer for field work.”

Lee bristled at the words. He’d tried to volunteer too, once - the worst time to find out one had the freeze fear response was in the maw of an angel.

He didn’t say a word as Adrian left to clean himself up.

Pushing his brushes together, he pushed the painting away. Part of him wanted to tear it up, put it with the pile of green and blue scraps of paper that had once reflected dreams he’d had, but he didn’t. He was running out of blue paint - he couldn’t waste it like that.

Maybe he’d wander to get food while waiting for Adrian; see what was cooking at the communal kitchens and take their portions of the scrapped together meat and plants, see if he could make something nice out of it. Portion it nicely. It wouldn’t quite bring back either of their smiles, he knew.

Adrian came back in clothes that weren’t padded armaments, ready to provide futile protection against beings neither of them could quite comprehend. They were almost homely and soft. Almost.

“I want to talk to you.” Adrian said, and Lee’s attention immediately turned to him, a lump of dread rising in his throat. He fiddled with his hands.

“About what?” He tried to keep his voice unbothered.

Adrian took a long breath.

“I want to volunteer to go through the portal.”

Lee’s heart stopped.

“What?” He couldn’t help the tears that started to prick in his eyes, or the panic in his tone. “You can’t! You can’t, you are not volunteering, Adrian-”

“It’s my choice.”

“You’ll die!”

Adrian didn’t react to Lee’s raised voice, other than to offer his hand, as if Lee was simply upset about something trivial.

“I might not.”

“You will!” Lee shook. He tried not to hyperventilate, and failed. “You… Adrian, please…”

“We’ll never get home if no one volunteers to try. I want to help.”

“You can do that by staying alive! Stay here, help us build and cook and-”

“Lee.” Adrian trailed his hand up, wrapping Lee’s hair around his fingers, the way he always did. “We’ve got to try.”

“Trying to get somewhere else is the whole reason we’re here.” Lee’s voice broke. He reached back for Adrian, holding him tightly. Pulling him so close. He wanted to keep him there, in his arms, so he didn’t run off and do something so, so stupid.

“Please, Adrian, can’t we make the best of what we’ve got?”

Adrian smiled softly. The reassuring act did nothing to comfort Lee.

“Please,” Lee said, as tears started to fall from his eyes. “Please. Don’t.”

“It’s not your choice to make, sweetie.”

He stumbled, almost dragging Adrian to the floor with him as he started to sob, his world crashing around him for the second time.

“Hey,” Adrian tried, kneeling down next to him. “It won’t be for a while yet, a few months, most likely-”

“We’re not even twenty, you can’t throw your life away.”

“What other choice have we got?”

You could stay safe with me, Lee wanted to say, but he choked on his words. Would Adrian ever choose him? Would he ever have? His hope was everything.

The Voodoopunks always yearned for something more, never content with the world they had. Always yearning for a better tomorrow… At what expense? And Adrian was as Voodoopunk as anyone - a pillar of the community, especially in Elysium, as the rest of the cathedral crumbled around them into ashes at the hands of the angels. The ambition that Lee had once grown drunk on would be the death of his beloved, and he weeped.

“What about your mom?” He tried to appeal to the man.

“She’d be proud that I helped Arcadia.”

Lee wanted to retort, but he knew it was true.

“Besides,” Adrian continued, wrapping an arm around Lee’s shoulders, steadying him. “She’ll have you, won’t she? Promise me that?”

“I love you, Adrian.” Lee gripped onto Adrian’s shirt until his knuckles turned white. “Don’t do this. Please.”

Adrian’s expression didn’t change, and Lee knew his mind was made.

“I love you too, Lee. I love everyone here, which is why I have to try and help them. I’m sorry.”

The apology did nothing to calm Lee’s shrieks, mourning for a lover too drunk off of incantation to realise he was about to become another martyr.