Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lapin leaned on Theobald’s shoulder. His eyes were drooping, as he tried to fight the exhaustion, without success. He could hear Theobald speak to him, but he had a hard time comprehending the words. As his concentration slipped, he did not hear that the caravan had stopped.

“Lapin”, Theo tried to stir the other man at his side, without success. Theo rolled his eyes but could help but smile at the situation. The Chancellor is going to be so embarrassed when he wakes up later. To both of their luck no one was in the caravan with them, and the guard knew not to disturb Chancellor Lapin, ever. And because of Theo's placement in the wagon, they wouldn’t look for him either. The royal envoy, including Calroy Cruller, would be taken care of by the guard, and Cruller didn’t need Theo to walk him into the castle, although the knight knew it to be part of the job.

Normally he would not mind annoying Lapin by waking him up, but the Chancellor had been using a lot of his powers on the journey and Theo was also exhausted enough to just sleep right there in the caravan. So, that’s what he did. He looked down at the other man’s head on his shoulder and without moving too much, leaned his own head back and tried to prop it up against the window. Lapin didn’t wake but scrunched his nose a little. Theobald closed his eyes and fell…

To the floor of the caravan with a clank of his armor. “What?”, Theo tried to turn over, so he did not have his back to the enemy that was clearly coming!

“You just let me sleep in the caravan, you large goon!” the knight on high alert recognized the familiar scorn of the Chancellor, remembered where he was, and relaxed a bit more, though still trying to turn over without any luck.

“Could you help me, Chancellor?”, Theo grunted impatiently. He felt the lighter weight of the other man half stepping on him to get out of the caravan. “Please”, he tried again.

He still couldn’t see the Chancellor, but knew he was making a sour face while contemplating how to get the much larger knight out of the caravan. After some time, he just ended up hauling Theo halfway out of the caravan. While he made an effort not to look ridiculous trying to shimmer out of the door, Chancellor Lapin was just watching him with his arms crossed.

“Why did you do that?” Theo asked, standing up. The other man gave him a look that made it look like Theobald just said the most offensive thing.

“THEOBALD, you were crushing me alive! Do you know how much you weigh in that armor?”, the Chancellor almost spit, “I do! Enough to smother me”.

Theo was standing in shock and amazement at the rather tightly wound Chancellor’s outburst. He looked around and again luck was with them, because the guards were not close, and it was still early in the morning, from the dawning of the bulb.

“Chancellor, I apologize. I did not mean to fall asleep”, Theo said, knowing that he was lying straight to the other man’s face.

Trying to collect himself, Lapin sighed and looked up at the castle. “Be glad you did not crush me. I do not think you could withstand today's lesson with the princesses, if you were to teach them”.

Theo smirked at that. “Did you just make a joke, Chancellor?”. He was shaking dirt off his armor, but looked up, and Lapin was rolling his eyes, with a defeated sigh.
“I just need to sleep. Good night,” the Chancellor said and frowned, “good morning?”, he sighed again, “see you later, Theo”. Lapin turned to leave, with his hand half lifted in a small wave.

Theo didn’t say anything. He just gave a little wave back and smiled when the Chancellor nodded and disappeared into the castle.

Chapter Text

Maybe he should have let Theobald take the lesson today, because the princesses were unable to focus on anything, and Lapin did not have enough energy to actually care.

He was droning on, about what he wasn’t sure. His expertise is pretty much to bullshit his way through stuff, so he fully took advantage of the random knowledge he has acquired over the years.

He was looking out the window at the knights at the training grounds, zoning out, when Ruby very genuinely asked, “And then what happened?”.

Lapin turned, looked at the twin princesses, who were focused on him with their big eyes. They usually sat anywhere but their chairs, but as he turned around, they had placed themselves on their individual chairs and with their elbows on the table in front of them, their chins in their hands. Staring into Lapin's soul. What was he talking about?

“Well, depending on which point of view you see the situation from,” he continued, trying to bore them out of being interested in the story. Without thinking about it he cast a quiet message in his mind, to Theobald, half begging, half commanding him to come disrupt the lesson.

Lapin didn’t know if he thought Theobald would come to his aid, but when there was a knock at the door 10 minutes later, he stopped talking and heaved a deep sigh. Looking at the princesses, who again seemed to be incredibly bored of his lessons, he faked surprise.

“Oh, by the Bulb above, who could this be?”, he said walking towards the door. When he opened the door, Theobald was standing there like a literal knight in shining armor, as the Bulb shined on the breastplate through the window across the room. Lapin sighed again, gave Theobald a small nod, and let him in.

“Well hello, your royal highnesses, what is going on that the Chancellor needs to call for my help?”, Theobald said, and Lapin couldn’t help the annoyed sound that he made.

“We are being nice,” princess Jet said, very surprised, “he was telling a story about Pirates in the Yoghurt Shoals, and then he stopped and started talking about the Spirits of the Candy Mountains. Is he okay, do you think, Theo? Are you okay, Lapin?”.

The stream of words took longer to understand than he would have wanted, and Lapin ended up just looking at princess Jet, “Huh?”.

“Do you think he is sick, Theo?”, princess Ruby asked and looked between Lapin and Theobald.

Theobald huffed out a laugh before Lapin had a chance to answer. “Princesses, I don’t know if you know, but the Chancellor and I came back late last night from a mission, so we are both a bit tired”.

All of a sudden, the princesses were not worried about Lapin anymore and the questions rained down on Theobald, who happily evaded the questions by asking other questions about the princess swordplay and acrobatics to distract them. And it worked great. Good thing it did, because the princesses should not worry about mission and unrest in the kingdom yet.

After a while the princesses were escorted out of Lapin’s study by Theobald, who gave him a knowing smile, and a small wave. Lapin sat down in one of the more comfortable chairs and leaned his head back. Before long he was fast asleep and did not notice Theobald's return to the study room. Theobald returned to talk to him, but maybe the discussion is not worth it this time.

Chapter Text

The caravan, including the Bulbian clergymen and the Chancellor, was turned on its side. Theo could see a staff knocking against the window, as he sneaked a glance, though he himself was in combat. The bandits he was fighting off might not have realized that the Lord Commander himself was in the caravan they chose to attack. Not a smart move. Theo had not seen any combat in many months, other than the faux battles with the new trainees and the young princesses. He was feeling great.

Theo heard the glass break, and knew that the Chancellor was getting out, but could not concentrate on that at the moment, because a young bandit was running towards him.

The life of this young man was not Theo’s to take, so with a tripping attack the man gets overbalanced as Theo moves to clock him in the back of the head. Looking over the very contained battlefield he saw bandits running away, but also some bandits trying extra hard to prove themselves. He believed the small gathering of knights they brought as an escort would be able to take care of the remaining bandits.

Not having paid full attention to what was happening in the caravan that was turned on the side, he now saw one of the clergy men grasping the Chancellor’s staff while another was looking in through the shattered glass of the back window. Theo picked up his pace. The man holding the Chancellor's staff, Simon, Theo believed, turned to him and realizing who was coming towards him, cowered a bit. Theo barely heard Simon's low voice to the other man, “It’s the Lord Commander”.

The man who had been looking through the glass window looked to Theo and in a calm voice said, “Lord Commander, good thing you came.”

At that moment he realizes that it was not the Chancellor who broke the window, and that he must still be in the caravan. Something felt wrong in his chest, and he should examine that later, but right now he needed to get Lapin out. He pushed the man away from the window, as gently as he could in that moment. “Lapin?”, he called quietly as he put his head through the broken window.

Lapin's ears twitched and his eyelids fluttered open at Theo’s voice. He did not look scared, more annoyed by the situation. “My head hurts. Can you get me out of here, Theo”.

Now Theo knew that Lapin had hit his head, because he never called him Theo, and the feeling in his chest moves to his stomach. “Are you stuck?”.

Lapin just sent him the most tired look, “Obviously”.

Theo tried to hide his smirk as he stepped back to look at the caravan. He could probably get the side door open and lower himself down, so that was what he was going to do. “Just hold tight, Chancellor, don’t move”.

Before Theo started climbing the caravan, he heard Lapin sigh, “I couldn't even if I wanted to”.

Climbing the caravan was something that normally would not be a problem, but he was wearing his full plate-armor, shield and sword. The armor was not coming off anytime soon, but he balanced the shield on the side of the caravan and gave the sword to Simon, who was now standing with two weapons that did not belong to him and looked even more ready to run away than before. “Toss me the sword, if something happens, deal?”. Simon just nodded.

Theo scrambled up on the caravan and regarded the side door. With his minimal skills in lockpicking he was lucky that it was not needed. Looking down at Lapin from the top he could see Lapin’s leg was wedged under a chest. That must hurt, Theo thought, and ignoring the feeling it gave him seeing Lapin helpless.

Trying to lighten the mood Theo asks, “do you need help down there?”, huffing out a laugh about his own joke, and lowering himself down there without stepping anywhere he shouldn’t. He could hear Lapin hiss because of the movement. Being a very large bear in a sideways caravan it was hard to move around without causing some shifting.

“Do you really have to wear that armor all the time?” Lapin complained, through gritted teeth.

“You're lucky I was wearing my armor, you don't know what’s going on out there!” Theo retorted, while he got closer to the chest, pinning Lapin to the ground.

“I think you could have taken those ruffians without the armor,” Lapin looked down at his leg, and did not register that Theo was looking at him with surprise written all over his face.

“Did you just complement me, Chancellor?” Theo grinning at Lapin as he realized what his obvious altered mental state has just caused him to admit.

“I clearly hit my head, don't listen to me,” Lapin closed his eyes, and Theo could see the other man’s chocolate cheeks going a tiny tone darker.

Well good thing that Lapin closed his eyes, because Theo’s cheeks also flushed, from the complement. Another emotion not ready to be looked at. He had a job to do.
“Just try and breathe, and I'll be as quick as I can,” he said as he looked at the possibility of moving the chest pinning Lapin's leg.

He lifted the chest just enough for Lapin to wriggle out the leg, with a long hiss, and then a sigh, as the chest dropped down to the ground. “How are we getting out?”.

Theo turned around carefully to look at Lapin. “Do you need help to get out?”.

“Well, I haven’t had the chance to heal myself, so I don’t know if I can get out of this carriage myself”.

“You know, Lapin, you only need to ask”, Theo looked at Lapin with a small smile, and something happened in Lapin’s face that mostly looked like defeat, but also something else that Theo could not put his finger on.

“Can you please help me out, Theo”, Lapin held his gaze but looked away when he again chose to use Theo’s nickname and not his title. The feeling in Theo’s stomach swirled.

First things first, it was very hard for them both to stand comfortably in the sideways caravan, with all the stuff in there thrown about from the turnover. Second thing, Theo rarely had a lot of people standing close to him, because he was either fighting, or calling orders. He really did not get a lot of physical touch. Third thing, Lapin needed support, and Theo did not hesitate to give him that support, but he did hesitate now that his hands were on fire from touching the other man and he felt like he had just lifted a hundred heavy chests.

With some outside help from Simon, Lapin was placed gently on the ground. The fire of Lapin’s touch was confusing to Theo, and even more the cold that was left by the absence of his touch. Theo was quiet for most of the ordeal of moving the Chancellor, because his body was in such distress that he could only focus on doing one thing.

“Simon, could you go check and see if the Knights are in need of help or healing?” Lapin said, trying to get eye contact with the young clergyman, who was trying to make himself as invisible as possible. Simon nodded, with a scared look in his eyes he used the caravan as cover to look at the scene of bandits being chased away. With a sigh that relaxed his shoulders only a little, he walked away from them and they were alone.

Lapin and Theo sat against the turned over caravan, to use it as cover. As Theo’s gaze left the place he saw Simon leave from, he felt a hand that was placed in the crook of his elbow, where the plate armor didn’t cover, and he was about to pull his arm away when he felt a rush of energy from the touch, and a sugary smell found his nostrils. The hand was gone as quickly as it came and the cold on Theo's arm almost made him whimper.

Lapin was looking forward with dropping eyes, “I think I might have a concussion”, he said as his eyes closed and his head found Theo’s armored shoulder. Right now, Theo cursed that armor, because he would do anything to have Lapin’s head on his shoulder and hold his hand, to tell him he was going to be alright.

And that feeling took root deep down in Theo’s gut. That feeling scared Theo more than any attack. So, he waited for someone to come and get them like the coward he truly was.

Chapter Text

He was in the infirmary for a couple of days. Fortunately, Lapin had healed himself out of needing crutches. So, for the time being he would be a little unsteady, and trying not to limp, so the princesses wouldn’t see it as a sign of weakness.

The princesses had been happy to have some days off, though they did come to visit the infirmary with Theobald, to make sure he was okay. He didn’t get to talk to Theobald, because the girls were talking over one another and asking if he was in the fight. He could see that that question made Theobald's lip curve upwards, as he caught the knight’s eyes. Then Theobald smiled fully and looked like he was laughing quietly. Lapin squinted his eyes, sending Theobald a mean look, but couldn’t help but huff out a laugh himself, as Jet had continued to talk about battle maneuvers she would use if she was in a fight.

When he finally got back to his room there was a thin layer of dust over his papers. At his desk he saw a note that said tomorrow's date circled with a quill and under that an invite to one of the year's many celebrations. He rolled his eyes and sighed because he knew he was expected to be there both as a representative of the Bulbian Church, as well as the Chancellor and tutor of the princesses. The evening back in his room was short and he fell asleep quickly, despite the trepidation for the festivities the next day.

He accepted the fact that he was very much in need of a chair very quickly the next day. The lessons with the princesses were cut short because of the party later that evening, so he had time to relax before.

Lapin hated parties and false pleasantries. He was an expert in talking, but he was not one for small talk and did not care much hearing about the ongoings of the minor Lords and Noblemen in the kingdom, unless it directly had an impact on the royal family. He was good at listening, though he wasn’t a fan of it, he could usually use it to his own advantage.

The party was going as usual, him close to the table with snacks and drinks, except tonight he had been sitting there the whole night and had not made rounds to talk to people and burned off the alcohol he had been drinking.

People had been polite and greeted him, though he had not been bombarded with information. He was in fact bored, which was one of the feelings he hated the most. He tried to see if he could find someone to talk to, before returning to his chambers for the night, like a good Bulbian priest would.

Of course, his eyes focused on Theobald, after a look around the ballroom. He was standing and having a very intense talk with one of his knights, Lapin didn’t care enough to look at him to figure out who it was. All he observed was Theobald with his bright eyes, and large arm movements. As if he could feel Lapin looking at him, Theobald without a pause winked at him, and continued his explanation. Lapin had the wind knock out of him.

As he was sitting and trying to slow his breathing, he saw out of the corner of his eyes Theobald moved towards him. It couldn’t mean anything, just a jest. But why did Lapin feel like he was going to faint?

“Chancellor”, he almost fell off his chair when Theobald’s voice boomed, too loud and too close, which made some of the serving staff look towards them. Lapin made eye contact with the server looking at him, and they busied themselves.

“Hey Lapin, are you okay, we haven’t really had time to talk”, Theobald said, much quieter, and standing at attention to Lapin’s right, a little over a foot away to make it look casual. Theobald was far from casual, and Lapin had too much cola wine running through his body.

“I’m fine, Theobald, how is your evening going”, he said, strained because he just wanted to leave all of the noise.

“Well, I have had to talk to a lot of people to keep them off your back, because I know you have to be here but shouldn’t, because you still look kind of tired after the whole accident”, Lapin looked at Theobald, who was looking straight into the crowd while he ranted. “I think I should maybe talk to Amethar and get you relieved of your duties, and maybe also for the next couple of days so you can recuperate. I can entertain the princesses…”, his rant stopped as Lapin put a hand on his arm.

“You have way with words”, Lapin stifled a laugh. Theobald turned his head to look at him, and Lapin swore he could see the knight blush. Which made him stop in his tracks and forget what he was about to say. So, they just looked at each other.

Lapin’s hand was still on Theobald’s arm, so he withdrew it, but felt the arm following him for a second, before Theobald made a small sound, almost inaudible for the large crowd they were in. And their eye contact broke.

“You don’t have to talk to the king, Theo. I’ll see to it tomorrow, but thanks for the care”, Lapin said as he got up from the chair, unsteady and leaning heavily on the armrest. “So, if you don’t mind, I’ll be off to my chambers to rest”.

“Do you need help getting back”, Theobald said a bit to quickly and looked like he wanted to kick himself afterwards, “What I meant to say was, I would like to see you safely back to your chambers. If you would like my help?”

Pushing himself from the armrest, Lapin swayed a little, which made Theobald grab his shoulder. Not wanting to sever the connection, he leaned in a bit and looked at Theobald. “Okay, maybe I could use some help”, he admitted with a heavy sigh.

Theobald had a weird look on his face before removing his hand, to offer his arm for Lapin to hold on to for support. Lapin took the arm, even if he didn’t like the way people around him looked at them. It didn’t mean anything. Maybe the people surrounding them would see him as weak, which was something he could never afford, with his choices in life. He fought the thoughts, and tried to stay in the moment with Theobald, who gave him a tentative smile.

It took longer than normal because of Lapin’s limp, but of course Theobald was as patient as ever, and that kind of made Lapin want to annoy him, just to see Theobald a bit flustered. Also, Lapin was a bit drunk and had been bored the whole night. Finally, he had Theobald by his side.

“At least you don’t have your armor tonight, so I can actually touch you and not just your steely surface”, Lapin said, and only afterwards thought of the implications of what he had just uttered. But it did work and Theobald almost stumbled, which made Lapin laugh hard, and he would have fallen if Theobald hadn’t been there to steady him.

With Theobald’s arm snaking around his back and under his arm, they walked the last stretch as Lapin was chuckling. Theobald was just huffing and mumbling about protection and the fact that he never liked wearing civilian clothes.

As they reached his door, Lapin leaned in so that his head rested on Theobald’s shoulder for a short moment, like a half hug. “Thank you for being a knight out of the armor as well. I really appreciate this, Theo”.

“Of course, Lapin, any time”, Theo answered softly with a look of optimism, that Lapin couldn’t really decode. As Lapin removed himself from the knight, a bit of the optimism left his eyes. Lapin should really stop reading people like this, it does not always help him.

“Goodnight, Theo, get some sleep”, he said as he turned to face the knight after the door was unlocked. “It looks like you need it”, he said jokingly and without thinking about it he lifted his hand to cup Theobald’s face and softly caressed his cheek. To his surprise, he felt Theobald lean into the touch without a second thought. And when Lapin withdrew his hand, it was like it had burned Theobald as he backed away with wide eyes and a look on his face Lapin had never seen before. Fear.

“Theobald”, was the only thing Lapin could say, as the other turned and almost ran away, “no, please wait”. But he didn’t wait, and Lapin was left alone. Thinking about what he just did.

Chapter Text

Theo was truly a coward, after what happened the night before. He barely slept, he couldn’t eat, and he did his best to avoid talking to anyone for the next few days. He gave his orders, which were followed, and then he went on his patrols in silence, alone. He had a lot to think about.

He got one of the other knights to follow the princesses to their lessons, so he didn’t have to see Lapin. But that couldn’t continue, because the princesses were starting to question it. So, on the 3rd day of hiding, Theo took the girls to the lessons, to their joy and his horror.

He knocked on the door, but Ruby was already hanging from the doorknob. Lapin was very startled by the entrance and Theo tried with a small smile and an apologetic expression. Lapin sent him a stern look, then relaxed a bit as he turned his focus on the princesses.

“Good morning, Princess Ruby”, he nodded to the girls, “ Princess Jet”.

“Let’s get this over with, Lapin”, Jet groaned and took her seat. “Can we at least learn something interesting”.

“Well, princess, all the things I teach can be interesting, depending on the perspective”, he walked behind his desk to lean on his chair, and made quick eye contact with Theo, “one action can change the course of a single insignificant person to be something more”.

Theo was still looking at him, when Lapin again focused on the princesses. He was very close to just running away again, but he said, “I’ll be back later, but there will be a guard outside the door if needed, okay”.

“That’s fine, Theobald, thank you”, Lapin was not looking at him, but his ears were lowered. In Theo's mind he heard, “I’m seeing you after lessons”. Theo gasped, fortunately not audible to the others in the room. With Lapin not looking at him he moved towards the door but going out of it he felt eyes in the back of his neck.

The wait was excruciating. He knew that Lapin was mad at him and had a reason to be. Or did he? Theo had never thought about doing anything about his feelings for the other man. They were colleagues and couldn’t be caught up in feelings. But still Theo could feel it roiling in his stomach, thumping in his heart.

He remembered the feeling of Lapin’s hand on his cheek, and how it had broken down a wall that he never thought possible to break. Theo had been on his own for such a long time and was content with it. After the war there was no time for other things than protecting the royal family. It was his duty.

Why get emotions when you don’t have time to follow them. But now as Lord Commander, could he indulge? Now that he knew Lapin might return the feelings. Or was it barely a gesture out of concern for a friend?

The thoughts were consuming him as he made his way through the castle. He made his report to the king, who could see that he wasn’tt acting entirely himself. That’s what happens when you work for the same person for most of your life. Fortunately, the king didn’t ask.

Theo arrived at the door, the moment the princesses tumbled out. He gave the guard at the door a nod and said, “please bring the princesses to the king's office”. The guard nodded at the command, but the princesses looked at Theo and then at each other with a secretive smile.

Beckoning him closer, Ruby said in a low voice, “he’s in a really bad mood, maybe stop being stupid”. Then she gave his shoulder a little pat, and skipped away with Jet, arm in arm.

He stood in shock for a while. When he turned, Lapin was looking at him from the doorway. Lapin’s expression didn’t change, as he turned and walked into the room without a word.

Theo followed him in and watched as Lapin sat down in the chair behind his desk, and Lapin leveled a stony stare at him. The moment was tense, and Lapin’s stare was unyielding. When Theo broke eye contact to look down at the floor, Lapin spoke, “Explain yourself”.

“You touched my cheek”, Theo whispered, while he was still looking at the floor. Lapin moved in his chair, but Theo didn’t know if he heard what he had said. He still felt Lapin’s stare, which made him squirm. Theo finally looked up and tried to talk again.

“I panicked. I’m sorry. I should not have ignored you. You are fully within your right to be mad at me, but Lapin! What were you thinking?”, it all came out very fast. “You touched my cheek, like it was the most precious thing, and I know you know that I rarely let myself indulge in things I like. I have a castle to protect. A royal family to protect!”

Lapin’s face was no longer stone cold and void of emotions. He looked distressed, but Theo couldn’t stop talking.

“You know my loyalty lies with the royal family. Why would you try to pull me away?”, that made Lapin’s expression change to confusion. “Do not give me a rope, if you intend to not be on the other side of the line when I climb it”.

“Theo, I’m afraid that rope could hang us both”.

“Then I know where you stand”, Theo said with a strained voice, trying not to let the pain in his voice be too obvious. And without looking at Lapin, he turned and walked out of the room.

Chapter Text

It was like time stood still, when Theobald stormed out the door. Lapin didn’t even have time to register what had just been uttered between them. He sat in shock with his hands on the desk, slightly shaking. That had not just happened. He had not just let that happen.

Trying to shake the shock, he stood from the chair and walked to the window to open it. The fresh air shocked him enough to make him realize what Theobald said before he left. This was a mistake.

Looking out the window he saw that Theo had made it to the training ground, grabbed a wooden sword and was going at it on one of the training dummies. What was he supposed to do now? This was a situation he couldn’t control. They were something he never thought could exist. He made the domino effect happen, and now he saw how the whole castle could crumble because of it. He never thought that he would have the power to destroy Theobald.

He saw how Theobald went through three straw stuffed dummies, before he threw his sword on the ground, just to pick it up again to place it carefully in the barrel with the other training weapons. The last thing Lapin watched him do before leaving the window was to sit down on a bench with his head in his hands.

Swallowing hard, Lapin sat down in the chair next to the window in the same position as Theobald. He tried to breathe deep and calm his nerves, as he knew what he had to do to fix it.

He didn’t have a chance to fix it though. Theobald was sent on a mission, and Lapin was not going, because of the accident on the last mission. So, he saw how the caravans were loaded, and who was chosen for the envoy.

He was standing in the shadow, observing the goings on of the knights, and tried to find Theobald in the mix. When he did Theobald made eye contact with him, and quickly broke it, his eyes full of hopelessness. This really had broken both of them.

Lapin moved out of the shadows and walked toward the caravan Theobald was walking up to. “Not now”, he heard in his mind and saw Theobald’s thumb making a motion to send the message, which made him stop in his tracks. He watched the caravan take off and withdrew to his chambers.

It wasn’t until late in the night the next day, he heard word that the caravan was back, because one of the medics from the infirmary came knocking at his door. “They are back, and we need all the help we can get”, the medics worried eyes wasn’t a good sign.

Not knowing what the mission was had been a sign of the secrecy of it all, because Lapin was almost always a part of the decisions. The caravan had to be quiet coming back into the castle, to not be suspicious.

It was not that the infirmary was loud. It was the lack of noise that made it more unnerving. There was only the shuffling of the other medics' feet. On stretchers Lapin could see knights he knew the names of but never really talked to. Most of them looked sufficiently healed, and awake. Only a few were still out of it.
“What happened?”, Lapin asked the medic.

“I don’t know about the mission, but let’s just say it was lucky that they didn’t get as far into the enemy territory as they could have”, the medic answered with a concerned tone to his voice, as he walked motioning Lapin to follow him. “They were close to the caravan, so I think all of them made it back, but...”.

The medic drew back a curtain, and Lapin didn’t have time to suppress the gasp when he saw Theobald lying in the bed before him. He went to the side of the bed, as the medic continued talking, but he wasn’t listening anymore. He tried to identify what the most critical injury was.

“Sir Theobald took a few arrows, when he was dragging his men to safety. I guess his blade ward was not enough to not be hit”.

Lapin put his hand on Theobald’s shoulder, and let his magic flow through him, but it was like it hit a wall.

“He was healed when they brought him in, but he’s not waking up”. The medic was nice enough to not comment on Lapin’s expression, as he turned away from Theobald to look at the other man. “I’ll leave him to you, maybe you can work out some miracle”.

When the medic left, he drew the curtain again, so they were alone.

“Theo”, Lapin whispered. Dragging the chair closer to the bed, he tried to control his emotions. The thought of people believing him to be a miracle worker swirled in his head. After sitting down by the head of the bed, he took Theobald’s hand.

The second time he tried sending magic through his hand to see if it helped, it yielded the same outcome. What if he never woke up? Lapin sniffled and placed his hand with Theobald’s in it over his heart, in the hope that Theobald could feel it beating.

Lapin sat in that chair for a long time, breathing in and out with Theobald, sending small bursts of healing, while caressing the other man’s hand. When the noise of the infirmary quieted down, Lapin moved from the chair to sitting on the side of the infirmary bed.

“Theo”, he placed his hand on Theo's cheek, the same place he did it the first time he overstepped the boundary between them. “I don’t know if you can hear me. I’m sorry. Not because I touched your cheek, but because you thought I didn’t mean anything by it. I never thought your loyalty could be divided. Your loyalty is one of your most admirable qualities”.

He placed his forehead on Theobald’s forehead and closed his eyes. Breathing in he could feel the smell of battle and his own magic mingle. “Theo, I need you to wake up. Because I don’t want you to leave. What will I do without your moods, and comments, and the way you look at the princesses. And the way you look at me when you think no one is watching you”.

His voice was shaky, and he tried his best to breathe deeply. “I cannot live without your kindness, and selflessness. If that makes me selfish, I need you to wake up, so I can be selfish with you. I only need you”.

Not wanting to leave Theobald alone in a quiet infirmary wing, Lapin sat down again in the chair, crossed his arms on the side of the bed and placed his cheek on them, from an angel so he could keep an eye on Theobald. Lapin couldn’t keep his eyes open. He closed them a last time and…

Felt a hand caress his cheek. “My turn”, said a hoarse voice.