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She died like an idiot. Caught in the middle of an open space by a sniper, she got shot once before she even knew she and Jax were being watched, and then again because her stupid short legs made her a lot slower than Jax. Well, at least he managed to take cover in time. She wasn’t sure if he got hit, but Pomni hoped she was Zooble’s sole focus. A 1v2 was bad enough, but it would’ve been a lot worse with 1 life instead of 2. Well, no matter.
Pomni looked around the space. It was dim, the only light coming from the aquarium in the middle. Somewhere on the wall, a sign with ‘losers corner’ painted on it was haphazardly hung. It was quiet, too. Unusually so. Pomni was about to speak, hoping to find Ragatha and Kinger, since they should be there as well-
“You wanna talk about it?” Kinger’s voice reached her, from the other side of the room, obviously a lot more lucid than normal.
Right, they were in the dark. Pomni frowned. From the other side of the aquarium, she could just barely tell apart red locks of yarn hair, as well as the purple hue of Kinger’s robe. They haven’t noticed her. She felt like they shouldn’t.
It took a minute for anything else to be heard. Pomni almost thought there would be no answer, before a sad, quiet sigh echoed in the room.
“I think…I might have failed Pomni.” Ragatha’s voice was shaking with unshed tears. “Just like I failed Jax.”
What?
Oh damn it, she should not be here, listening to this very obviously private conversation. Pomni considered standing up, pretending she just got here, but something caused her to stay where she was. Ragatha seemed to be opening up, and that wasn’t something that happened easily. Pomni knew if she stepped out, the woman would put on a smile and pretend it was all okay.
Pomni also, selfishly, wanted to know what she meant by that. So she stayed put, guilt already gnawing at her.
“I try too hard to get on their good side, and then I just… end up pushing them away.”
With the silence in the space, Pomni could just barely tell apart the sound of fabric against fabric. She figured Ragatha was probably talking with her hands or fidgeting with her dress like she tended to do.
“...And then they end up hating me.”
Pomni wanted to scream. She didn’t hate Ragatha, in no way shape or form. Sure, the whole positivity thing was tiring, but she understood why the woman did what she did to a degree that made it hard to really dislike the woman. She wanted the best for them and tried to ensure it the only way she knew how.
She wasn’t even sure she could say Jax hated Ragatha. Sure, he acted like he did, and that also lead to the woman sitting here instead of participating in the adventure, but Jax… was complicated in a way Pomni wasn’t sure she could account for, but could tell there was more to him than blind hatred.
Luckily, Kinger spoke what she wished she could tell the doll.
“Well, I don’t think anyone in here hates you.”
“Jax does!” the woman yelled, and Pomni flinched at the abruptness of it. She sounded like she was crying. “Gangle and Zooble don’t ever talk to me, and Pomni probably won’t after today, either.”
Do they?
Yeah, thinking about it, last time she saw Gangle and Ragatha really talk was when the woman tried to teach her to play softball. Zooble… had Pomni ever seen Zooble talk with Ragatha? She knew they weren’t great friends, she didn’t expect them to be considering their personalities didn’t seem to mesh very well, but thinking about it… No, nothing came to mind. Zooble took Ragatha home after the Spudsy’s adventure, but they didn’t even talk and… was it for Ragatha? Pomni stood around, listening in back then and it seemed like a nice gesture but did Zooble do it for Ragatha, or just to get the drunk woman out of Pomni and Gangle’s hair?
“She came to me wanting to be on my team. I said no.” Ragatha sniffled. “Why did I do that?”
But it was alright. In the bigger picture, not being on a team once wasn’t that big of an issue. Pomni accepted it, even if the rejection hurt a bit.
“Maybe you just needed a break.” Kinger cautiously chimed in. “It sounds to me like you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be there for everyone, and when you’re not, you beat yourself up for it. You… You said you failed Pomni, why do you feel that way?”
A second of silence passed. Then two, before fabric shifted and Ragatha spoke again.
“I don’t know. I feel like every day, we're drifting further apart. Like she’s seen through all my tricks and doesn’t trust me anymore.” Why does this make Ragatha seem manipulative when she wasn’t? “Before I know it…she’ll be a different person. One who doesn’t even want me around.”
“The way I see it, relationships are two-sided, and sometimes it doesn’t make sense to do all the heavy lifting when the other isn’t in the mood. We all go through and deal with things differently, and sometimes, you just need to let people do things their own way - as long as you’re still there when they need you. Giving someone space should never be the same as giving up on them.”
Pomni curled up into a ball. She felt guilty for listening to their heart to heart, but even so, Kinger’s words were comforting. She was glad the doll at least had someone to talk to she trusted.
“I don’t even know what I want.” Ragatha spoke, clearly and slowly, and it sounded like something broke in her. All the fight has left her voice and she just sounded… sad. “I just want everyone to be happy… And I don’t want people to hate me.”
“Do you hate yourself?”
Ragatha didn’t answer. It was confirmation enough.
Instead, Kinger spoke up again, something distant, dreamy in his voice, as if he was recalling old memories. “I hated myself. I couldn’t help but hate myself for the things I thought I was responsible for. I thought I’d lost everything. But then…you showed up. And my outlook just…changed. There are always ways to show you care without ruining yourself over it. You need to look out for yourself in all this, too.”
It sounded like a father-daughter conversation. Pomni smiled, remembering how kind and understanding Kinger had been in the horror adventure. In a way, despite his general craziness, he was like a parental figure to them all. Pomni just wished he could stay like this longer.
Ragatha sniffled again, changing topic. Pomni figured it was coming. She sounded near tears the entire time, it was probably a good point to leave this be. She’d have a lot to think about, for sure. Pomni would to. She waited a few minutes after they were done, having changed to a different, lighter topic, before ‘appearing’, cursing Zooble for their good aim.
She made a mental note to talk to Ragatha later, though. Maybe to seriously talk, maybe just hang out. It didn’t matter much, she just wanted her friend to feel loved.