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“Whose house?” Mike said.
“Daddy’s!”
“You're close, sweetie.” He replied laughing. “Let’s try it one more time. Whose house?”
“Daddy’s house!”
Evangeline giggled, using her father’s head as a Congo drum. It just made Mike laughed as they walked through Central Park on a cloudy day in early summer. He had declared it Vangie Day and had taken the whole day off from work just to spend it with his little girl. The four year old was ecstatic for her father’s undivided attention. She tried to understand that work kept Mommy and Daddy busy but she missed them a lot. Grandma usually took care of her and Mickey but today she got to play in the park with Daddy.
“Whose house?” Mike said again.
“Daddy’s house!”
“Michael?”
Mike stopped walking when he heard his name. All these years later and he immediately knew the voice. It wasn’t the British accent that caused him to pause; lots of people had British accents. He didn’t know what it was really because he never thought he would remember it. But he did, and Mike closed his eyes as moments of his childhood flashed in front of him like a passing subway train. He took a deep breath and turned around.
“Can I help you?” he asked, lifting his daughter off his shoulders and holding her close to him.
“Michael, it’s me. I know that you recognize me.”
“I'm sorry, I don’t.”
He was a bad liar, which Connie always said was a good thing. A master manipulator when he needed to be, yes, but a bad liar. He always said that was only with her because he loved her. To the world he could present whatever face he wanted to and had.
“I'm your father, but you knew that.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“You live in Central Park?” Vangie asked, her arms clinging around her father’s neck. “Do you live with the pigeons?”
“Vangie, shh. You know you're not supposed to talk to strangers. This man is a stranger; to you and to me.”
“Its come to that?” he asked.
Mike could barely contain his smirk. Here he was, the mighty Alistair Cutter, standing right in front of him. Mike hadn't seen him in the flesh since he was 14 years old. He remembered it, the first day of high school. When the bus pulled up to the school, he got off. His father stepped out of a Lincoln Towncar, asked him to stop for a moment to talk.
He was so torn in that moment; hadn't seen him for two years. His mother told him that he was in Dubai, working. Dubai had phones, right? Couldn’t he have called, wrote letters, done something to let his son know he was alive and thinking about him. As he held his daughter close, smelled the soap on her skin, he knew he would rather die than be separated from her.
He would rather be tortured and die than to never hear her laughter or answer one of her endless questions. The idea that he would never read her or her brother another bedtime story made his chest cave in and it was difficult to breathe. He was teaching Mickey to dance, not that Mike was very good at it, and Vangie could already read and was learning to write. His kids loved to jump on his bed and rarely gave him and his wife one moment alone.
But the thought of being without them…death was better. And Al Cutter was alive and well, in the flesh, over three decades later. He walked up to them in the park as if he’d just seen his son last week. The nerve of the man; some things never changed.
“It’s come to nothing, Alistair. I have nothing to say to you. Now if you'd excuse me.”
“Please, give me a few moments of your time.” He said.
“No.” Mike shook his head. “Do you know what today is?”
“Tuesday.”
“Yeah,” Mike smirked again. “For you maybe it is. Baby, tell him what today is.”
“Vangie Day!” She exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.
“I'm sorry I don’t know what that is.” Alistair said.
“You wouldn’t. Today is a day devoted to my daughter because my life is a better place with her in it and I plan to express that as much as humanly possible. She makes me a better man; she brings an indescribable joy to the world that should be celebrated and revered. She is my child and I love her with all my heart. And I work hard, at my job and my life, to take care of her. You would never understand something like that. So you’ll excuse you, I don’t plan to make one more moment of my life about your failures.”
“There were things you didn’t understand at the time, son. We…”
“Don’t call me that.” Mike replied through clenched teeth. “This conversation is over. I wish I could say its been pleasant but it hasn’t been. Goodbye.”
He turned to walk away and Vangie gave the man a tentative wave. Mike didn’t get far; he needed to stop at a bench to sit down. For a while he just sat there, his daughter on his lap still holding on to him.
“Daddy?”
“Yes sunshine?”
“You look like you need a hug.” She said.
“Oh, I need a hug like you wouldn’t believe.” Mike said.
She threw her arms around him and held on tight. Mike held her, doing his best to keep the tears at bay. Vangie would be worried if she saw him cry. She was the most perceptive creature on the planet; she sensed changes in emotions like no one he’d ever met. He didn’t want Vangie Day to be ruined. He had to keep it together. When his phone buzzed, Mike grabbed it out of his pocket and answered it.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself.” Connie said in a cheerful tone. “How’s Vangie Day going?”
“I just saw my father, Sway.” Mike replied.
“What? Where are you, honey?”
“We’re in Central Park and I just saw my father.”
“Where are you? I'm coming to you.”
“You're at work and…”
“Stop talking, Mike, OK? I'm coming to you; where are you?”
“We’re near 59th Street…I was going to take Vangie to lunch.”
“You still will. I’ll meet you guys in a little while; don’t move from that spot.”
“I'm not entirely sure that I can.” Mike replied.
“I love you, and I’ll be there in a little while.”
“I love you too.”
Mike hung up, slipping the phone back in his pocket. He mustered up the best smile he could for his daughter. She was looking at him just as her mother would; she was looking through him.
“What's wrong, Daddy?” She asked.
“Daddy feels a little sad right now.”
“On Vangie Day?”
“Yeah, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “A long time ago…you know that Daddy loves you more than anything right.”
“Mmm hmm.” She nodded.
“I love you more than French toast. I love you more than Mets game. I love you more than case law.”
“What's case law, Daddy?”
“That’s a long story. I love you so much that even if a whole universe separated us you would still know how much I loved you. That’s a promise, Vangie. I will never, ever, ever stop loving you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.” She kissed his cheek and gave him another big hug.
“We’re gonna wait here for Mommy. She’ll have lunch with us.”
“Is she gonna bring Mickey?”
“No, it'll just be the three of us. Vangie Day is about Vangie after all.”
“Can we get pizza? And ice cream? I want to ride on the pony Daddy; can we ride on the pony?”
Mike started to relax as his daughter went on about all the things she wanted to do that afternoon. Vangie Days didn’t come very often and she wanted to take full advantage of her father’s attention.
“Let’s sing a song!”
“You pick the song, Sunshine.”
“Feelin Groovy!” She exclaimed.
“Oh, I think that’s perfect.”
Slow down you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kickin down the cobblestones
Lookin for fun and feelin groovy
La la la la la la la, feelin groovy
Alistair sat down on the bench beside his son and the child he now knew to be his granddaughter. He might be pressing his luck but it was worth another shot. Vangie smiled at him.
“Sing with us.” She said to the stranger. “Do you like Simon and Garfmunkel?”
Mike smiled despite how he felt. His little girl was so amazing.
“I love Simon and Garfmunkel.” Alistair replied.
“Then sing with us.”
Hello lamp post, whatcha knowin?
I come to watch your flowers growin
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo-doo feelin groovy
La la la la la la la, feelin groovy
Connie walked over to the three people singing on the bench. She couldn’t quite believe what she was witnessing. The resemblance was uncanny…the man was definitely Mike’s father. Sometimes when she would take her city walks she wondered if the older men who walked past her might be him. Mike never kept pictures of him around, even from his few happy childhood memories of the man. Now she knew, he was a sixty-something version of her husband.
“Hello there.”
“Mommy!”
Connie crouched down to kiss her daughter’s cheek. She smiled when her husband caressed her face.
“How about we go and get some lunch?” she asked.
Vangie smiled as Mike stood from the park bench. He walked away without saying a word to his father.
“Bye stranger!” his daughter waved happily.
“Goodbye, Vangie. Connie?”
She turned when she heard her name. How did this man even know who she was?
“I know a lot about my son’s life.” He replied to her questioning eyes.
“Well that surely doesn’t make up for not being there.”
“Nothing ever will.” Alistair said, pulling a card from his suit pocket. “Please ask him to call me. I need to talk to him.”
“I won't ask him to do anything. I’ll give him the card…Mike will make the choice.”
She took it, walking quickly to join her family as they left the park. Mike calmed down some when she slipped her hand in his. Connie knew she didn’t have much time but she had to get him back on course. It was his day but more importantly, to Mike anyway, it was his little girl’s day.
“You'll never be like him.” She whispered, kissing his cheek.
“Promise me.” Mike replied.
“I've made many promises to you over the years Mike, and I've meant them all. I mean this one the most.”
***
Connie walked into the house later that night. She put her briefcase down on the table and looked at the mail. Then she walked into the living room and smiled. Mike was on the couch with their son, Mickey. He was sound asleep on his father’s chest. Mike wasn’t far behind even though the Mets were playing the Minnesota Twins on low volume.
“Hey Counselor.” Connie put her hand on his shoulder, smiling when Mike opened his eyes.
“What time is it?” he asked. Mike didn’t move; he knew Mickey didn’t like to be roused from sleep.
“It’s a little after nine. Here, I’ll take him.”
“He was a little cranky so I brought him down here with me.” Mike said. Mickey whined in his mother’s arms to prove his father’s point. “Vangie’s out like a light…she barely made it through bath time.”
“Is he alright?”
“Yeah,” Mike nodded, sitting up on the couch. “He was just a little moody. He fell asleep quickly after we laid down.”
“Maybe he founds baseball as boring as I do.”
“That is not funny.” Mike kissed her and watched her walk toward the stairs. Damn, she was a beautiful woman. He wasn’t sure he would have the energy to take her tonight but he would do his best to muster it up.
He got up from the couch, double checking that the house was locked and the alarm was on. Upstairs he checked on Evangeline before poking his head in on Connie and Mickey. They walked into their bedroom with their arms around each other after he was settled into his crib.
“He's been a little needy lately.” Mike relaxed on the bed, turning the game back on.
“I think it’s a phase. Just like all the breaking things…he’s pushing boundaries. I'm not entirely sure what we’re going to do about it yet but I have been thinking about it.”
Mike’s eyes turned away from the game as his wife undressed. The red blazer, the red skirt, and the white v-neck shell. She wore nude thigh highs with white satin panties and a matching bra.
“Mmm, damn.” He mumbled.
“What?” Connie brushed her growing hair into a short ponytail.
“You're hot; you know that right? If you're a little unsure c'mere and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Connie smiled. She walked over to the bed and straddled him. Mike grinned when she pressed her breasts on his chest and ran her fingers through his hair. He moved his hands down to cover her satin-clad ass. The material was nice but the skin underneath was even better. His smile disappeared when she dropped the card in his lap.
“Sway…”
“You should call him.” She said.
“Absolutely positively not.” He shook his head. “To hell with him.”
“It’s not about him.”
“I haven’t seen that son of a bitch in over 30 years and he just pops up in the park today when I'm with my daughter. Then he tells me he that lives in New York. How long has he been living in New York? I've been under his nose for how many years and he just ignored me. I have nothing to say to him.”
“You have everything to say to him.” Connie replied.
“Fuck him.”
“Mike, don't do that.”
“Don’t do what?” his tone was defensive. “What could I have possibly done?”
“That.” she caressed his face.
“I'm supposed to be happy about this? This isn’t some bad reality show…I'm not looking to reunite with that man.”
“This is not about Alistair; it’s about you. For the past 30 years there has been a gaping hole in the center of you. You can pretend its not there, you can even forget about it sometimes, but its there. It’s a part of who you are. Now you have the chance to tell him exactly how you feel about it.”
“He doesn’t deserve my feelings.”
“I say again, it’s not about him.” Connie said. “You need closure…you deserve it. This may be your last chance. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for Evangeline and Michael. I think when you finally say what you really feel then you won't have that gnawing fear that you might someday become him.”
“I will never desert my children. I will never leave you. My vows mean everything to me.”
“I think you're not listening to me on purpose.” Connie sighed. She took the card, placing it on the nightstand.
Mike wrapped his arms around her back and held tight to her. He refused to cry…Alistair deserved no more of his tears. Connie was right though, something was missing. He wished there wasn’t but there was. Mike did a good job faking it till he made it but he wasn’t just taking care of himself anymore.
His wife and children deserved every molecule of him. The past needed to be resolved. All this time and Mike thought he’d never have the opportunity to express himself. It was right in front of him but there was a fear in him. He sighed.
“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss on her collarbone. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Mike. I won't pressure you but everything I've said is because I love you.”
“I know that.” he nodded. “Will you love me tomorrow when I wake you up too early to have my way with you?”
“Mmm, absolutely.” Connie tilted his face upward, running her tongue over his lips. She grinned when he gripped her hips. “I don't know if I can wait until the morning though.”
“I’ll make it worth every second.” Mike kissed her. “I'm exhausted baby; I think it’s better to call it a night.”
Connie nodded, reaching to turn off the TV before climbing off of him. Mike groaned when they lost physical contact.
“I’ll take a shower and then I'm coming back to cuddle.”
“That sounds perfect. I'm gonna look in on the kids again.”
“You're such a good dad.” She said. “I'm not saying that because of anything that happened today, it’s a statement of fact.”
“Whatever I excel at it’s because you love me and always have my back.”
“Damn straight.” Connie smiled. “When I come back I’ll tell you how I handed defense counsel his ass in the Mitchell case this evening.”
Mike grinned. She knew it turned him on to see her kick ass on the job. He pulled her to him, kissing her mouth and stroking her face.
“I’ll be back.” He said.
They parted ways and Mike looked in on the kids. Vangie was curled up with her teddy bear. He went in the room and bent to kiss her. “Goodnight, love.”
In Mickey’s room, the mobile above his crib was still playing classical music. It was time to start thinking about getting their big boy a big boy bed. As Mike stared at him he wondered if his father ever stood over his crib and loved him more than life itself. He wondered if Alistair woke in the middle of the night missing his son like crazy. Hell, it didn’t matter anymore.
Mike couldn’t torture himself about it. This needed to end and the only way for that to happen was to talk to Alistair. Connie was right, he deserved his say. If that meant listening to his father’s side…he’d surely survived worst rhetoric. The door needed to be closed on the past so he could move on to the future with his family.
***