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Seungmin can feel the bass line bump in his chest, forced to pay attention to the large, blinking screens up front. Lasers light the false sky in all of the colors, the mood in the room constantly changing. The crowd sways against him and people push past him. His arm is sticky from a woman earlier accidentally bumping into him, her Adios Motherfucker spilling all over his new jacket, effectively dampening his night as well. People are particularly rowdy tonight, especially when they try to make their way to the rail, filling in the odd spaces between the bodies.
A hand grabs him, squeezes a couple times. Seungmin pushes past two tall men clad in matching DJ jerseys, parting their shoulders like batwing doors.
“Seungmin…”
There, smashed between the swinging throes is a mess of curls, a small frame trying to wiggle himself out of the gorge he’s found himself in. Seungmin doesn’t hear him thanks to the blaring music, but he can make out the call of his name in the motion of the boy’s pink, round lips. He reaches out, shoving aside the two boulders of men with a half-yelled apology and a nod.
He should’ve noticed before it was too late.
As soon as he’s free, Jisung presses his entire body against Seungmin’s, burrowing his head into his chest. He takes fistfuls of Seungmin’s soiled jacket, taking a moment to calm himself with Seungmin’s scent, despite it being blended with alcohol and sweat. He blinks up at the younger, eyes round and dark and full of panic. On the verge of tears, red tinges the corners of his eyes. His breaths are improper, huffing and shaky.
Seungmin immediately springs into action. Where is everyone else? All the faces that surround him are unfamiliar. His bandmates have been lost in the crowd, nowhere to be seen. How dare the others leave him? Where the hell did they all go? Why is Jisung by himself? They know that-- He feels anger twist his face, but with one tug of his collar, his expression soothes.
Right.
An arm curls around Jisung’s waist, and his other arm is used to slice into the crowd. He tunnels through the mass of people, hoping the direction that he’s going is where the exit is. Jisung’s grip on his arm lets him know he’s still with him, and he squeezes his waist in reply.
After what feels like forever, they finally make it out. The air thins enough to breathe and there’s no more elbows digging into his sides. Seungmin begins to let go, to assess the situation. He moves to fish his phone out of his pocket, but Jisung stops him again with a nuzzle of his nose in the spot between his collarbones.
“I thought I could do it.”
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“Minnie, can we go?”
“Yeah.”
There’s no hesitation when they’re moving again, making haste towards the exit. There’s still an hour before the headliner is on, but Seungmin isn’t even that big of a fan (even though one of their songs takes 3rd on his Spotify Wrapped). The flock is easier to maneuver now, and in no time they make it outside and onto the street, far away from the thumping building full of drunks.
A called car comes and scoops them up. The entire ride home, Jisung clings to Seungmin’s arm, holding onto his hand and playing with his fingers as he hums the song playing on the radio. He smells like vodka and fresh-baked almond cake, Seungmin notes.
It’s only when Seungmin closes the front door behind them that he breathes a sigh of relief. Knowing that Jisung is safe and sound between the walls of their apartment. He locks the door behind them. More of a habit than a means to keep the outside world away, but a sense of security calms him when he hears the click.
With his back turned, he doesn’t notice Jisung comes from behind, enveloping his waist with his arms, pressing one of his plump cheeks against his shoulderblade. He inhales deep, exhaling deeper.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“Good.”
They stay like this for a second, until Jisung decides that it’s not enough. He spins Seungmin around, hugging him properly.
A reward, he thinks. A reward for bringing him home.
“I’m sorry, Minnie. I thought I could do it.”
“Don’t feel bad. You’re more important than some DJ.” Seungmin hugs him tighter, pressing a soft kiss where his hair parts. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”
There’s a bit of regret in his voice that he couldn’t bite back, and even though he can’t see, he’s sure Jisung grimaced at that. But he is remorseful. He should’ve noticed that Jisung was unsure when they asked him to come, that he really only said yes because he saw Felix’s face light up with excitement and couldn’t bring himself to disappoint his Sunshine Twin. Before they left, Seungmin did offer to stay home with him if he wanted, but he only half-meant it because he actually did want to hear this one particular song. And Jisung did reassure him with a toothy smile and a promise that he’d be okay, that he was feeling better these days and that maybe live music would be good for him.
“You always save me.”
Seungmin shakes his head, denying it in his mind, but tightening his hold.
To him, these moments are rare. He seldom has Jisung alone like this. No one else was around for once. Just them two in their own bubble. No one to interrupt, no one to take Jisung’s attention.
More often do the members protect Jisung. Whether it be keeping Jisung smiling or calming his anxieties, there’s always a member that tends to his needs. Felix keeps up with his insatiable need for touch, while Chan can absorb all of his fluctuating emotions. Changbin is his knight, while Minho watches at a distance, silently taking care of things without the need for recognition.
They’re better at it, Seungmin thinks.
They can always catch the moment before Jisung cries, although they’re usually at a loss of why. But Chan always knows what to do, how to take Jisung in his arms and how to help him calm his mind. Or how Minho knows what Jisung wants before he asks for it, almost as if he can read his mind. Or when I.N. can guess what Jisung is about to order before he even looks at the menu.
Seungmin knows he lacks experience. No amount of observing from a far can prepare you for when something happens. There’s no script or step-by-step instructions when it comes to human emotions. Usually, Seungmin would pass off the responsibility, letting others take the reigns because he’s not a natural-born lead.
The others are so good at taking care of him, that Seungmin feels like he’s dead last. He feels like he is either too slow in recognising or reacting, or perhaps both. Before he can get the opportunity, someone else is there- someone else is always there- stealing his time to shine, to show Jisung he cares. The other hyungs are just faster, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care just as much.
If anything, he feels like he cares more with the way his heart aches. How can he show Jisung he loves him? How would he know? Words are not enough, he thinks.
Jisung is so fragile in his arms. If he had to, Seungmin would move the mountains and the stars if it meant he’d get a single breadcrumb of affection from Jisung. He’s like a newborn baby bird, shivering and vulnerable. Changbin said it once, that Jisung is someone who makes you want to protect him. The instinct to keep him safe from the perils of the world is so strong that it hurts. Seungmin frowns at the thought that he can’t be there every time, that he likely won’t be.
But it’s in times like these that rejuvenate Seungmin. The moments where Jisung chooses him over the others. He doesn’t know why, doesn’t care to ask. All he wants to do is to enjoy, relish the fact that Jisung chose him. Chose him .
“Can I sleep in your room tonight?”
The question catches him off guard, and his knees almost buckle at the request. “Of course,” he answers before he forgets, nodding a little too enthusiastically. He tries not to show his eagerness, but it comes out in the way he pushes Jisung down the hall towards his room.
The older merely giggles, simply following as he’s whisked away to the mysterious sanctuary of Kim Seungmin. Jisung can’t recall the last time he’s been in here, but he’s familiar with the layout of the room, a king-sized bed against the back wall. A desk to the left. His style is very minimalistic, save a few baseball memorabilia collected on a shelf.
His room is only two doors down, but Jisung asks Seungmin for a shirt of his. He secretly hopes he’s given a pre-used one, like the one laid crumpled on the back of his desk chair, but he hands him a clean shirt from his stop drawer. It’s not the same, not doused in Seungmin’s aroma, but Jisung doesn’t ask for another. He regrets not grabbing the one on the chair himself, but he decides that Seungmin allowing him in his bedroom is enough and that he shouldn’t press for more. It’s already uncommon for the other to agree, to let someone in here let alone sleep in his bed. The opportunity is few and far between, and every time it comes, it’d be stupid not to take it. Later, he’ll obnoxiously boast about it to the others, to which he’ll get the sweet groans of jealousy.
Jisung doesn’t say anything, but he feels eyes on his back as he’s changing. He slips off his sweater and jeans, letting them fall into the floor in messy piles. When he turns to confirm his suspicions, Seungmin is turned as well, shirt off as he fishes for a fresh one in his closet. For a second, Jisung drinks in the curves of his back, the way his muscles flex, but he turns away before he’s caught. He can’t take too much, otherwise he’ll get kicked out.
The two of them get into the bed like a married couple, crawling under the sheets wordlessly like they’ve done this a million times before. Jisung lifts Seungmin’s arm, scooting to press his body against his side. He carefully sets his arm down and laying his head against the meat of his bicep. The younger allows it, letting Jisung’s leg swing over his own and sagging his weight onto him.
This is nice.
These are the moments Seungmin savors, cherishes and wishes he has more moments of. Their limbs tangled, meshed together as one. Jisung can probably hear his heartbeat, loud and thumping against his skin. They stayed like this for a short while, listening to the white noise of the street outside-- a cat meowing, the wind singing into the trees, cars passing. One of their phones rings in the mess of their clothes, but neither of them move to answer. They’ll hear an earful later. Chan will scold them for leaving unannounced, for worrying him and the others. Seungmin makes a mental note to apologize to Chan in the morning.
“Aren’t you going to give me a goodnight kiss?” Jisung timidly asks into the fabric of the other’s shirt.
A part of him feels like he shouldn’t have asked, should’ve kept his mouth shut because he’s going to ruin this. Time feels like glass and if Jisung moves or breathes wrong, something could break. His heart, he thinks. His heart might shatter if he’s rejected, but he couldn’t help but ask. Seungmin frightens him, but in all the good ways. He can’t read his mind, can’t predict his next move. But that’s what Jisung likes about him. He’s mysterious, a puzzle that no one has figured out before. In these moments, Jisung likes that he can have Seungmin all to himself.
Without missing a beat, the younger cups his cheek, guiding him upward enough to connect their lips. Their mouths meet soft at first, a small peck to test the waters, then another to commit. Jisung’s lips quiver, but they’re as supple and beautiful as he remembered. It’s been awhile, too long perhaps that they’ve been stuck in a moment like this. Seungmin licks up into his mouth, his tongue wetting the perimeter before diving in.
Another reward, Seungmin thinks.
Jisung moans into it with need.. Can’t help it. His hand loops around the other’s neck, gripping it as if he were to let go, he would die. And he might as well, especially when Kim Seungmin is kissing him like this. The taste of him sends Jisung towards the edge, and it's only with a simple kiss that has Jisung reeling. He parts when he’s satisfied, deciding that he’s taken enough. Can’t take too much. Can’t be too selfish.
He settles back into place, humming as he fights off the urge for another kiss. He doesn’t see Seungmin wincing at the loss of connection. Doesn’t see when he smiles at the top of his head. Doesn’t see Seungmin watching over him, just until Jisung falls asleep. Only then can he finally rest.
Safe and sound, and in his arms. Where Jisung will always belong.