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Whale dropped the blinds; the early morning sunlight reflecting off his patient’s arm was not helping his hangover. Why had they brought this one to him? He was a doctor not a jeweller.
“Looks like a mild case of Midas Touch. Nurse, get me the Lake Nostos Water.”
The day didn’t get any better.
“What do you want me to do for her? I’m a doctor, not a gardener!”
Rumplestiltskin was clearly having a bad day collecting the rent. This was the third patient whose excuses for coming up short had resulted in partial transformation in to plants. Whale suspected that the curse would wear off, Rumple was careful not to annoy his wife these days, but for some reason Belle allowed him to vent his ire in non-permanent ways.
Whale was almost grateful for what looked like a case of food poisoning after lunch. Of course it didn’t stay simple; it only took half an hour for there to be eight more patients with stomach pains. He’d let himself be lulled by the normality of it all and had discovered they’d all eaten at the new bakery. His blood pressure went critical when they started belching rainbows, shimmery rainbows that left glitter in their wake.
“Sheriff Swan I am neither a meteorologist, nor am I a pre-school teacher. Dammit woman, I am a doctor! Perhaps letting a fairy open a bakery was a bad idea.”
He’d stormed passed the Saviour and taken ten minutes in a quiet storeroom with his flask to compose himself. Feeling fortified against the next round of magical nonsense he’d ventured back to the ER. In retrospect he should have stayed in the nice sane cupboard.
Two hours later Charming and Emma burst in supporting Hook; the pirate was clearly in a lot of pain and couldn’t walk on his own. Whale pulled on a pair of gloves. Hook had probably pissed someone off and received a beating, again. No, of course not, Hook’s legs were encased in a black shiny mineral.
“Oh for pity’s sake! I’m a doctor, not a coal miner! Take him to the dwarves they can chip him out in no time.”
“Okay Bones, calm down. Regina’s on her way to fix the magic, Killian just needs something for the pain.”
Whale blinked at her, his curse memories provided the source for her pop culture reference. Instead of calming him down it made him snap.
“I think even McCoy would baulk at the madness that passes for normal in this bloody town! I am a man of science. What am I supposed to do in a town where people are walking around with only half a heart, or turn into a wolf every month? I had Lily in here a few days ago suffering from heartburn, do you have any idea how hard it is to treat a dragon’s heartburn! A dragon! Science has no place in this insanity! But someone gets hurt and you bring them to me and expect me to fix them up. The pharmacy here has more magic potions than medicine. I can’t work under these conditions.”
As he paused for breath Whale glanced at Killian, who was grimacing, but quiet. With a sigh he yelled at the nurse for morphine. Pain was something he knew how to treat. The injection was administered in silence and Whale walked calmly out of the room oblivious to the stunned stares he was subject to.
Charming cleared his throat; “Do you think Doctor McCoy is real and out there somewhere?”
Emma shook her head; “Even if he is do you really think this town needs another cranky, bourbon drinking doctor?”
Charming shrugged; "The Southern charm might take the edge off it."