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It hurts.
Everythin’ hurts.
Scythe had found herself in quite the mentally taxing position, curled under the hefty comforter atop her bed. The slight scales on her face had been damp with heavy tears as she made a feeble attempt to keep herself stable amidst the endless barrage of thoughts and the stabbing loneliness in her chest.
She fuckin’ hates ya. This is all ‘yer fault.
The scaly inphernal bunched herself even closer together, pressing herself even closer to the softness of her mattress, as if that would stop her mind from being so vile towards her, it just made the ache of her body even more apparent.
Fuckin’ useless piece of shit. ‘Yer unlovable. All ya do is hurt people n’ cause trouble.
Scythe squeezed her light irises shut as the voice in her mind spat vitriol at her over something she couldn’t control anymore, beginning to hiccup slightly, shivering gently, pulling her left palm towards her face, lightly digging her talons into the skin around her face. Not enough to cause damage to herself, but just enough to sting lightly as she began to break into ugly sobs.
Ain’t nobody gonna come save ya. Nobody cares ‘bout ya, this is just proof of it. Broker ain’t comin, ‘Kit ain’t comin either, it’s just you and ‘yer pathetic sobs n’ the things you’ve done. It’s too goddamn late ‘fer you.
Scythe creaked her watery and blurry eyes open as her mind sliced into her verbally, now curling her thick tail around herself, chest aching with complete and utter emptiness as she tried not to wail out for someone, anyone, to hold her and take her from this agony.
Useless. So goddamn useless. That’s exactly what ya are. Couldn’t stop ‘er from hatin’ you, could ya? Had to go n’ fuck it all up.
She hates ya. It’s all ‘yer fault.
Ya did this.
She couldn’t help herself from clawing at the padded blanket that she had been hiding in, breaking out into soft wails, tears streaming down her scaled face. She prayed nobody heard her, she couldn’t accept being seen in such a vulnerable state, she had to be strong. She needed to protect, she couldn’t be seen like this.
Don’t destroy anythin’.
Don’t break. Don’t break.
Don’t break.
Scythe tried to cling on to mental stability for dear life, before she let out a soft scream of anguish, now sinking her fangs into the blanket she had been digging her claws into, sobbing and wailing even more, shuddering fully now, partially using the blanket she’d currently been biting to shoddily muffle her loud crying.
Please, somebody, anyone, just fuckin’ help me.
It hurts.
Please.
She kept shuddering, another shrill wail escaping her jaws. Attempting to muffle it didn’t seem to help, it was still loud enough that anyone close by or on the other side of the door could hear her anguished cries. Her chest hurt, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see despite attempting to blink the cascade of tears away.
Please. Please. Ple—
Something cut through her thoughts just then, and she sat still, her crying stopping for a moment out of sheer shock and surprise, confusion and almost fear. The noise sounded almost like a… hesitant knock on the other side of her room’s door, followed by a semi-low, raspy, tired voice. A voice that seemed familiar to her, at least, one that she knew well.
“…Scythe? May I come in?”
Fuck.
Why’s ’Kit here?
Scythe hesitated for a moment, still and unmoving, maybe for a little too long. She didn’t have the mental capacity to properly respond, maybe? That was her fleeting guess, at least… That didn’t stop whoever was on the other side from asking again, though.
“Scythe, you know full well I’ll bust into your room if you don’t respond.”
The snake-like inphernal was able to pull herself together enough to respond, wiping her tears with her left forearm, back to her witty, charismatic self, albeit Medkit would most likely be able to see right through it. She usually could.
“…Y-ya know I don’t pay ya to bust my door down, ‘Kit.”
Her voice came out almost broken, not quite shattered, but damn close, and almost quieter than usual. It made her feel even more scared and uncomfortable, almost angry with herself for showing any ounce of emotion regarding what happened between her and Banhammer, or any emotion whatsoever.
She couldn’t let Medkit see her like this, curled up and wailing. Something felt wrong about it, regardless of if she was a doctor or not… even if she never received her license, which was a secret kept between her and Scythe that she loved to tease Medkit for. Regardless, she was damn good at her job.
“…I’m letting myself in.”
The deer-esque inphernal’s slightly rugged voice had carried an edge of… softness? Pity? Something… gentle to it, before Scythe’s heart dropped, not because she was terrified of Medkit whatsoever, but because she knew this wouldn’t end well. She was never good at being comforted, every time someone tried she was terrified of being judged, or left behind, or any number of negative outcomes. Admittedly, she was terrified of Medkit seeing her as a monster, too.
Just then, Scythe felt weight press on the side of the bed, almost directly next to her. Feeling a soft gaze upon her, she lifted the blanket over her tear-soaked face even more.
But she wasn’t met with scorn whatsoever.
“…Tell me what’s going on.”
Medkit’s voice had been slightly louder, yet gentle all the same. Scythe found a little comfort in it, her heart softening just a small bit. It seemed, to her, that Medkit knew not to make any sudden moves, Scythe slightly lowering the fabric across her eyes and face, only to see the deer-like inphernal sitting upright, hands neatly folded on her lap as she gazed at Scythe softly.
It seemed as though she didn’t expect anything from Scythe at all.
“…I can’t, ‘Kit. I can’t do that. ‘Yer not paid to deal with any… mental stuff.”
Medkit didn’t respond immediately, gaze fixated on Scythe as her head tilted ever so gently, brows furrowing in determination.
“…I don’t really care, to put it bluntly, this isn’t about my paycheck right now. It’s clear you’re suffering, so tell me, what’s going on?”
Scythe’s blurry gaze softened with a hint of trust as she scooted a few inches closer to Medkit, sniffling gently.
Medkit didn’t move in response, just watched as Scythe scooted a little closer to her, hands still neatly folded, legs hanging off the side of Scythe’s bed. She almost seemed like she wanted to, from Scythe’s perspective, due to how she twitched one of her folded hands as if she were going to move it.
“…’M just thinkin’ too much. I dunno.”
The lankier, blueish-teal inphernal nodded slowly, making sure to still not make any sudden moves as her hands twitched with what seemed like anticipation, beginning to fidget with her thumbs slightly. Scythe wasn’t exactly sure why, though…
“…Mm. Thinking, huh? About what, if I might ask?”
Scythe began to fidget with her claws in response, almost subconsciously mimicking the inphernal in front of her, messing with the metallic talons of her prosthetic arm, the one that Medkit had so graciously made for her.
“…A lot… I dunno if… I-I… C…Can say.”
Scythe felt a sudden whirlwind of emotions without realizing, tears beginning to well up at the corners of her lightly colored eyes, the shaking of her hefty, scaled body returning.
“…Mind if I move this blanket? Just so I can… see you a little clearer.”
Medkit stopped messing with her thumbs, yet still she didn’t move much, probably as to not scare or suddenly startle Scythe while she was in such a vulnerable state, which she was a little thankful for. Scythe didn’t let many inphernals in whatsoever, but for some reason she trusted Medkit with her life, even on the field, and off of it. She was never sure why, though. That sentiment would always puzzle her for sure…
“…Sure, go ‘head… I don’t really… mind one bit.”
Medkit ever so softly lifted the blanket away from Scythe’s body just slightly, enough to reveal the upper half of her pressed together frame, as well as her tear-ridden and soaked face. Her usually-stoic gaze dwindled into a look of familiarity as she gazed upon the mentally battered and broken inphernal, seeing her like this had to be a shock for her. Scythe was definitely shaking, afraid of what Medkit would do seeing her this… shattered.
Ya look monstrous, I’m sure.
Her mind chattered viciously back at her once more, just like it had been doing before Medkit entered the room, gaze slightly dimming as it did so. When Scythe looked up into Medkit’s gaze, she could see the cogs spinning rapidly in her mind. Recognition, maybe? Had she been through something similar to Scythe’s own suffering? Regardless, the reptilian inphernal was having great trouble finding any sort of clarification on what Medkit’s expression meant.
“…Scythe.”
Just then, she could hear Medkit’s slightly gruff voice… breaking slightly, her gloved hands… shuddering… as she lifted them to Scythe’s damp face, holding them there for a moment as Scythe’s face twisted into that of confusion while attempting to read the other inphernal’s facial features… Regret, sympathy… No, Empathy? Almost like Medkit had understood the agony she was going through. Scythe’s mind was trying so desperately to click the pieces together.
“…Aha... I look a damn proper mess, don’t I?”
Scythe gave an empty and dull chuckle, making light of her own pain and suffering, before she felt the velveteen touch of Medkit’s gentle palms against her face. Admittedly, she flinched at first, but Medkit didn’t seem to budge at all due to it, only gently tracing her thumb over Scythe’s scaled cheekbones, gazing at her with a knowing anguish.
“…You look absolutely fine, Scythe.”
Scythe’s chest ached with something that could only be described as comfort, safety, things she hadn’t really… felt to this depth before. When she had opened up to others, she was usually met with mixed signals, or they’d up and leave at some point in her life. After all, being an outlaw was never an easy path to take. Trusting Medkit like this was something that wasn’t quite foreign to her, but it didn’t happen often.
“T-…Thank ya,‘Kit.”
The corners of Medkit’s mouth upturned ever so slightly, not enough to form an actual smile of any sort, but enough for Scythe to feel just a little comfort. She knew the deer-esque inphernal almost never smiled, and when she did, it was always a rare but pleasant sight to her eyes.
As Medkit’s gloved thumbs continued to slowly wipe away the tears left behind on Scythe’s face, she began to shake, nuzzling her cheek into Medkit’s palm, hoping she wouldn’t notice, vocal chords seemingly cracking as she felt comfortable saying the cause of her pain.
“…I-…I miss ‘er, Doc. I… miss… Ba—…”
Scythe had to stop herself from calling Banhammer by a previous nickname, breathing for a moment, giving a broken sigh.
“…I miss Banhammer. But… I don’t miss ‘er in the way ya think. We weren’t even… she hates me. She hates me so much.”
She watched as Medkit’s shoulders slumped, her lanky frame becoming a little more tense as she tried to process what Scythe was saying, her brows furrowing, her half-gaze faltering and flicking around Scythe’s facial features. She breathed in before shakily responding.
“Sometimes people aren’t good for us.”
“Sometimes they hurt us, and we never get an apology, and we never will, and unfortunately, we have to live with that.”
The snake-like inpheral could feel and see Medkit’s mental state chipping slightly, her stoic and cool mask coming off just enough for Scythe to begin to understand what she had gone through, what she had endured, the things she might’ve done. Maybe she had her own personal situation, just like her own. Scythe seemed to be even more confused, though her answer gave a little clarity, at least, more than Medkit might realize.
“…’Kit… Could I ask ya somethin’ a bit personal…?”
Both their voices were nothing more than a whisper toward each other at this point, a bubble of comfort and warmth, nothing more than just the two of them confiding in the other.
Scythe watched as Medkit opened her jaws to speak, hesitating, her eye’s gaze flicking around Scythe’s rough-yet-soft facial features again. She was clearly looking for something… safety?
“You may.”
Medkit broke the shortened silence as Scythe continued, now settling her mechanical hand atop Medkit’s a little hesitantly. She didn’t seem to mind one bit, though, continuing to gently caress the scales near Scythe’s cheekbones, noticing how she was almost absentmindedly drawing her thumbs over each scale in a rhythmic pattern now.
“At Blackrock… Didja… know anyone like that? Anyone that hurt ya… in… a real specific way?”
That string of words seemed to strike into Medkit’s very chest, as she was silent for more than just a couple seconds, facial features twisting into that of regret, fear, too many things that Scythe couldn’t pick out, it was such a subtle yet intense facial expression that she just couldn’t understand fully, yet Medkit was continuing to press on and gently stroke Scythe’s cheek scales, seemingly out of comfort.
“…Unfortunately. She wasn’t… S-…She wasn’t the kindest to me. Not at all. We had differences… major ones… and…”
Medkit took a shaky breath, very obviously attempting to stabilize herself to be there for Scythe, which… she didn’t have to do by any means. She straightened out her posture, un-slumping her shoulders, shifting her body to be a little closer to Scythe, leaving them nearly face to face now.
“…Suffice to say, she… was… the one who…”
Scythe watched as Medkit hesitated to speak for a moment, her gaze seeming to glaze over as she struggled to speak, hiding something from Scythe, much to her dismay, not like there was anything she could do about it without making the other uncomfortable, though.
“Ya don’t have to talk ‘bout it, ‘Kit. I ain’t gonna force ya to remember. Never.”
Scythe took in a shaky breath, the two inphernals sharing a knowing, palpable yet completely safe silence between each other. Scythe nuzzled her cheek a little closer into Medkit’s hand, savoring the touch, she didn’t receive it often from others, she never really let anyone touch her directly. It felt… safe. Strange, almost…
As the silence hung in the air for a little longer, Scythe closed her gaze, before Medkit lightly pulled away, causing Scythe’s gaze to open suddenly again, her anxiety spiking.
She’s gonna get up n’ leave. She’s seen enough from ‘yer sorry ass. She’s done with ya.
Despite what Scythe’s brain had spiked into her heart, it couldn’t have been more incorrect. She felt Medkit’s lanky frame curl around her own hefty one, noting how cold she felt against her natural warmth. She could feel Medkit’s chin settle atop her head, right between her sharpened horns, her legs curled around Scythe’s waist, along with her arms. As usual, Scythe assumed Medkit’s hands were folded. Was… was Medkit embracing her? Hugging her?
“…You don’t get physical touch often, do you? I can tell.”
Medkit snorted slightly, trying to make light of the situation they were both in, cutting against the comfortable silence with her lightly rugged tone. Scythe remained quiet for a moment, savoring the other’s chilled body temperature, she had always enjoyed cold things. She could also closely feel Medkit’s cool body press against her own, to the point where she could feel her breathing. It was incredibly calming, to say the least, though jarring all the same.
“It’s alright. I’m here. You can cry on me… I’ve been through worse, promise.”
Scythe couldn’t help but shake at the words Medkit had said, before breaking into gentle sniffles, then sobs, stuffing her face into Medkit’s chest, claws clinging onto the back of Medkit’s meticulously ironed clothing, she was so distressed and upset that she didn’t realize Medkit might get a little pressed at Scythe ruining her clothing.
“It’s going to be okay. It might not be okay right now, or in the future, or even soon. But you have to trust it’ll be okay at some point, Scythe.”
Scythe continued to sob, not even realizing that she had curled her tail around Medkit’s side, Medkit’s hands softly combing themselves through her hair. She felt safe for once, she prayed silently that it wouldn’t change. That maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t have to suddenly cut Medkit off, or have a messy relationship with her, or that she’d see Scythe for her ‘true colors,’ the monster everyone eventually saw and left behind in the frigid snow.
“I’m s-…sorry. I-… I can’t… I can’t do all this anymore. S-…she… we… we weren’t even ‘sposed to be a-…a thing, she didn’t want ‘ta be.”
Medkit continued to comb her gloved fingers through Scythe’s hair, not seeming to care about how soaked her shirt or vest was getting, pressing herself closer against Scythe, closing her half-gaze.
“I know. …I know, Scythe. She led you through that on purpose. She could’ve stopped it, and she didn’t.”
Scythe continued sobbing into Medkit’s chest, shuddering and shaking, hiccuping.
“I thought she… cared. I thought… I-…She.. S-…she hates me now. I h-…had to get rid of ‘er, out of my life. She’s huntin’ me down now. I-…I’m scared, ‘Kit.”
Medkit pressed herself closer to Scythe, squeezing her half-gaze shut even more. Scythe didn’t know it, but this all was such a painful reminder, but the deer-like inphernal was pushing it all aside to be there for Scythe, which she didn’t mind. Deep down, she cared, she knew this pain, she had gone through it before.
“I know. I can’t promise I’ll protect you at all times, everywhere you go, but I’ll try. You have to keep going, you can’t let this make you backslide, we both know you don’t deserve that.”
Scythe kept repeating the same phrase over and over.
“She hates me. ‘M scared. So scared.”
Some combination of ‘She hates me’ or ‘I’m scared’ through incoherent sobbing, while Medkit kept responding by holding Scythe closely, before Scythe finally stopped repeating herself over and over, her sniffling and sobbing slowing shakily as she was fully clinging onto Medkit and the slightly warmed chill of her body, Medkit holding her head close to her chest in return, still combing through Scythe’s hair, other hand now caressing Scythe’s non-mechanical arm with her thumb.
“I-…I’m sorry, ‘Kit. Sorry you had to s-…see me this way.”
Medkit almost immediately shot back a response, nuzzling her face into Scythe’s hair. Scythe noticed how Medkit’s chilly body extended to her scent as well, she had the faint smell of soft snow and mint, she hadn’t noticed that before.
“…Don’t you dare be sorry for something you simply cannot control. I don’t see you any differently, you’re still Scythe to me.”
Scythe nestled her face deeper into Medkit’s chest, feeling completely safe for once in her lifetime. She didn’t want this to end, even if the circumstances that intertwined their pasts and emotions were grim right now, but she knew that at some point, it’d have to, as all things do. Medkit began to softly play with her hair instead of combing through it, almost methodically so, like she had been with Scythe’s face scales.
“Would it be a huge problem or anythin’ if you… were to stay here for the night?”
She completely blurted that out, reaching out emotionally for Medkit, almost impulsively so, a feeling within her found her comforting. Her heart ached slightly for something, but she wasn’t quite sure what that part of her was. Maybe she never would.
“Nope, but you’re going to have to pay me overtime for that.”
Medkit made that same familiar half-snort that she made earlier, which made Scythe’s chest spark with a slight sense of joy, still intertwined physically, and now emotionally, with Medkit.
“Well, ‘course I’m gonna pay ya overtime. It’d be cruel if I didn’t.”
Medkit didn’t move, completely intertwined with Scythe at this point, just focused on comforting her, gaze closed, completely and almost oddly serene as both of them breathed in sync with each other, sitting in silence for a little while.
“…Thanks for carin’, ‘Kit.”
Scythe muttered, hoping that Medkit wouldn’t notice, or say anything as she shuffled her head so that her cheek settled right on Medkit’s chest, rattlesnake-adjacent tail curled around Medkit fully, keeping her eyes closed as Medkit’s slim frame curled around her own, comforting her, protecting her, protecting each other, their bodies chilling and warming the other to the perfect neutral temperature.
“I wouldn’t treat you any different.”