Work Text:
🪻
Tightness or pain, and he himself couldn't tell if he felt it or not. There, close to his heart, but far away at the same time. For a moment, he didn't even know it was possible to be. He didn't know that such a thing would ever happen to him, and it was only when he was a child that this strange phenomenon first appeared.
After years, after countless sleepless nights in which he fought his panic. His whole body trembling and a knee jumping in the air. Squatting, sitting, stomping around, but the tightness between his eyebrows never left him alone. Along with the constant feeling that he couldn't breathe.
Most of the time, his throat would dry up from his uneven breathing and he could hear the blood pumping in his ears. Wide-open eyes, staring at the ground and fingers nervously gripping his knees or elbows until they were bruised.
Today the student already knew the reasons for the emergence of these panic attacks. But since he was an orphan, he realized very late what was happening to him. Although with a healthy body, his soul was sad. Unfortunately, he had never been able to pour out his emotions in any other way than through these nervous crises.
He had learned to control them, or rather to hide them. That is why they rarely happened during school hours. The fact that he was being alone also worsened his state of mind. No one visited him, no one paid attention to him. His classmates knew he was there, but that was all. Simply, no one cared about him. And he was used to it. He blamed himself, but he did not know how to help himself.
Until the day it happened again and he could not fight it alone.
Ren had a history class, on an ordinary Tuesday, for everyone, but not for him. As usual, he sat in the last row, alone and isolated from everyone, almost stuck in the corner of the classroom. His attention was far away somewhere else, not on the teacher's interesting story. He was wearing a hood over his head, back slightly hunched in his chair and whole body hidden by the backpack he didn't dare move from his desk. His heel was playing underneath and he was staring at his bouncing knee. His fingers dug into his palms, but hidden in the pockets of his black sweatshirt. He was biting his tongue, then his lip, which had the imprint of his sharp tooth.
Ren was trying, actualy he was praying in his mind for his anxiety not to get worse. He shouldn't let others notice his disturbance. He shouldn't waste his last bit of shame. Alas, his chest was already swelling unevenly and rapidly. A sign that he wouldn't be able to hide in the next few minutes, because his nervous ball wouldn't be able to relax if he didn't go outside. However, he didn't want to attract unnecessary looks if he asked to go out.
Not so long after, his throat became dry and a lump formed inside it that he couldn't swallow. He begged for the class to end faster, but it had barely started ten minutes ago. It all happened in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, he stood up abruptly, his red eyes staring at the ground, which made a creaking sound due to friction with the chair. Ren tried to breathe normally, but his nerves choked him. Coughing, obviously tired, the tall student ran to the door as if with a last chance to live. All eyes in the classroom were fixed on the door, which was closed with a soft bang.
Confused, the teacher asked if anyone knew anything. No one answered him, which made him realize. Unfortunately, he couldn't leave the whole class to check, so he sent the first boy he saw where he looked.
"Dan Heng, would you check upon him instead of me?" The short-haired boy, obviously smaller than most of his classmates, looked confused through his glasses. But in the end, he agreed and also left the room.
"What was his name? March must remember. I should have asked her before I left." Dan Heng muttered under his breath as he closed the door and looked around the hallway. He saw the boy running at the other end. "Ah, why did Mr. Yang choose me?"
Dan Heng didn't like to socialize, especially with people from school. The only people he interacted with were March and the two twins who weren't actually enrolled at their school. Until that day, he hadn't had to talk to anyone from his class. Most of the time, his friend did it for him.
With a sigh, Dan Heng started running after his classmate.
Ren figured it would be faster to get to the roof, since he was on the top floor. So when he was already outside, on his knees and palms resting on the ground, the other boy also came out.
Dan Heng looked shocked and very worried at Ren, who kept coughing. He didn't know if he was trying to do it on purpose or if something was wrong with him. That's why he stood frozen in place. Fortunately, the other hadn't noticed, but unfortunately, now there was a chance to scare him.
Dan Heng bent down, almost sitting on the cold concrete. He was looking at the other to understand some details and figure out how to proceed.
Not long after, Ren collapsed on one side and was already lying on the ground. Dan Heng's eyes widened. He jumped up and was next to the other. Leaning over him, he checked if he was breathing and sighed when he noticed the rise of his chest. However, he was clearly too close, because Ren opened his eyes, but honestly didn't have the strength to react. Dan Heng was startled.
Ren rolled onto his back and only then did Dan Heng realize how much bigger he was than him. This made him wince. "Um, are you okay?" Finally, he decided to ask.
"No." Ren barely mumbled, wanting to lie, but he really felt that if he didn't do something about it, he would die. "Panic.. attack."
Dan Heng was surprised. He hadn't expected someone who looked like being capable of beating someone to death to have something like this happening. But Dan Heng seemed good at hiding his disbelief.
"Oh, how can I help?" Dan Heng didn't know how, really. He wasn't sure if it had happened to him before. The boy probably didn't have time to think about such things. "Why does it happen?"
"I don't know." Ren closed his eyes, but then immediately opened them again, red as if they contained blood instead of pigment. A complete contrast to the blue sky.
Dan Heng frowned with his own green eyes. He found this problematic. "Maybe I should take you to the nurse?" He offered, but then he immediately realized that her room was on the first floor and there was no way he could carry the tall boy there. Then Dan Heng guessed. He had mints in him. He took one out of his pocket and handed it to the lying boy. "Maybe it'll help?"
"I can't stand menthols." Ren said, slightly breathless. To which Dan Heng's reaction seemed ridiculous.
"Seriously? I love it." Dan Heng put it back in his pocket, then sighed and pursed his lips. "Anyway. You probably wouldn't care about that. Hmm."
"Look, it's gone now. Don't worry." Ren tried to get up, his hood fell off and his long blue hair, which was tied in a small ponytail, was visible. Dan Heng realized that he liked it.
"You sure?"
Ren nodded. He didn't want to admit it, but the scent of lavender from the other boy calmed him down.
"Yes. I can breathe normally now."
Dan Heng smiled. "I'm glad!"
"By the way, what is that perfume you're wearing?" Ren couldn't help but ask.
"Oh, this isn't perfume." Dan Heng pulled out a lavender sachet strung from under his collar. "A friend of my mother's gave it to me, she often brings us lavender. She also says it drives away evil thoughts."
It was Ren's turn to be surprised. In shock, he bent down and took the sachet in his hand to inhale directly from it. The aroma was strong and pleasant, spreading throughout his body helping him relax completely. He even allowed a slight smile to appear on his usually unmoved lips.
When Ren pulled back. He saw the red cheeks of the smaller boy. "You have a nice smile." Dan Heng didn't know what he was thinking, but he removed the string from his neck and placed it over the other's neck.
"Thank you." Ren also blushed. "I'm Ren, by the way."
"My name is Dan Heng. Let's be friends." Dan Heng also smiled and Ren was happy. He finally found what he needed.