Work Text:
You and your sister patiently waited for the bus to arrive. You've had a pretty busy day! Shopping at a few stores that you like and getting lunch. You were content with most of your purchases, only slightly regretting a few. Soon enough your bus arrived, picking up everyone who was waiting. You were quick to notice that the seats weren't like the ones you were on this morning. They were propped up on the wall of the bus. As soon as you sat down, you began to worry. Panic flooded every thought that came to mind, was it anxiety? Or maybe something that you've never seen or heard of before. You took deep breaths, muttering words of comfort to yourself. Your sister wasn't much help as she was laughing at you. You could feel glares of the other passengers. What a fool you are, look how stupid you are. You weren't even five minutes on the bus before you needed to get of, almost shouting your demands at your sister. "I need to get off." You said, your voice trembling as your heart rate was noticeably quickening. She still laughed at you, insisting that you were alright, but you knew you weren't. If you didn't leave now, you would run the risk of having a meltdown in public or even worse. Before you knew it, you practically sprinted off the bus. What a waste of three dollars. God what did the other passengers think. That you were pathetic? That you were weak? I mean what kind of idiot has a panic attack on the bus?!
You felt tired and dizzy, but at least you were safe. You phoned your mom, explaining to her that the bus was too much for you to handle. You were almost sobbing over the phone, but you refused to cry. Pathetic child.
You walked all the way home, in the heat. Your neck hurt, your arms hurt from carrying your shopping bags. You probably looked stupid. You told yourself that it was okay and you did what was right but inside a tornado of thoughts swirled in your mind. Your legs felt wobbly and your mind was still spinning.you felt awful, but your breath was normal again and your heart beat was at it's normal pace.
"You should have stayed on the bus." Followed by "I did what was right."
God you're pathetic. This fear has controlled your life since you can remember.
I hate this. I hate how I can't go on the bus without being in a state of panic. I hate so much.
I should have just stayed home and rotted in my bed, doing nothing but getting fat and mindlessly scrolling.
Your so pathetic...