Work Text:
Itadori woke up sweating. It was the middle of the night, he really should’ve been asleep. Unfortunately for him his thermostat was turned up to 76. He wondered who on earth would set it to that on an august evening. He sighed, changed the temperature, and tried to go back to sleep.
”oh no, is the brat having trouble sleeping?” sukuna’s deep voice invaded his brain. And ears, thanks to the tiny mouth that had popped up on his cheek.
itadori poked the eye embedded on the left side of his face and sighed when sukuna screeched. “It’s a little harder sleeping without YOUR MOM,” Itadori replied savagely.
”brat! You’ll pay for that!” Sukuna snarled. “how dare you insult my mother!” itadori yanked the blanket over his face to muffle the insults sukuna was trying to throw at him. He fell asleep to the gnashing of sukuna’s teeth.
now Sukuna, ofc, couldn’t take that level of disrespect. He refused to just let it happen, so he took over itadoris body the second the brat fell asleep (in my head he can). He was going to make this child suffer and he was also going to fulfill that wish he’d had for a few weeks now.
Sukuna walked over to the closet and rifled through the nice clothes on hangers (Itadori still didn’t know he had paid for those) and found just what he was looking for:
a pink button-up and shiny black slacks went with a super bedazzled ruby bolo and cowboy hat to provide a very stylish, albeit feminine, look. could it be called feminine? he wasn’t sure. oh well, he looked like a gay cowboy. He turned the temperature up to 78* (he made it go higher every time Itadori tried to fix it) and walked out of the room. He walked right back in when he realized he had forgotten the bag with his change of clothes.
Sukuna strutted into the theater with his backpack slung over one shoulder and a haughty look on his face. He caught his reflection in the ticket counter window and realized the tattoos kinda ruined the vibe, but what could he do? He figured ripping his skin off might ruin the vibe a little more and decided against it. he should’ve gotten pink glitter to cover them up, but it was too late. what a pity.
Sukuna slid itadori’s credit card across the counter to the lady and asked for a ticket to the next showing of the movie. She gave him the bombastic side eye and said, “sir, it’s literally 11 o’clock at night. do you really need to see Barbie now?”
Sukuna raised an eyebrow. This little wench dared question him? He could end her right there. with like his pinky finger. All he had to do was that move from kung fu panda and skdoosh she was gone. He inhaled deeply and decided not to do that. He had to make it to the showing on time and having people blood on his clothes would destroy the aesthetic he had worked very hard to create.
“yes, I do.” He replied smoothly. He took the ticket and his card when she returned them to him and walked confidently over to the snack counter (bc I said they’re separate and my word is law in this crackfic). Sukuna cleared his throat when nobody came and then looked around subtly before hopping behind the counter and grabbing a bag for popcorn.
”hey mister! You’re not allowed to do that!” A skinny kid with braces said. The boy pointed his finger at Sukuna and walked over threateningly (or as threateningly as you could be when you were eighteen and looked twelve). Sukuna raised a single perfect eyebrow and stared the child down.
“You dare talk so insolently to your boss?” he knew exactly how to get this kid off his back. The child (who was actually a small
ish adult man) frowned.
“You’re not my boss! I don’t work for a gay cowboy!” Sukuna sighed. He supposed he was looking somewhat strange, but he didn’t expect other people to echo his previous sentiment so easily. not a based reaction folks cmon
he shook his head at the kid and set the popcorn on the counter before deftly hopping over once more. “If you tell a soul about this, you’re fired.” he grabbed two boxes of m&ms on his way to the theater and poured them into the popcorn. itadori had left a ton of candy on his desk one night and after he fell asleep Sukuna possessed! him and ate the candy just to crush the brat’s spirit. what was worse than finding out your food had been eaten when you woke up? After that Sukuna decided m&ms were bussin so he gets them when he can.
he walked into the theater and took the seat in the middle above the walkway. He propped his feet on the rail in front of him and leaned back, munching on some snax as you do. a woman walked up and asked him to move since she had bought the ticket for that seat but he just shoved his ticket into her hand and waved her away. she frowned but left when he opened all four of his eyes and glared with the force of the sun.
SPOLIERS AHEAD FOR THE BARBIE MOVIE
The movie began and sukuna was totally vibing with Lizzos song (let’s ignore the controversy this is a crackfic) and he was engrossed in the film. He threw popcorn and booed whenever the women argued about being totally oppressed. He made comments like “I miss the days where I could freely enslave women, these girls have it easy. pathetic.” and he cheered aggressively when the kens took over barbieland. He definitely had some opinions on the movie and he voiced them loudly, much to the chagrin of the other moviegoers.
he finished the movie and cracked his neck, fingers, and wrists. he stood up and grabbed his bag before sneaking into the movie theater across the way. he hid in a little alcove and stripped down to his slacks before starting to put on his black button-up- itadori didn’t know his card had paid for that either. sukuna had just gotten the first button done when a girl walked by.
she turned and her eyes widened. “AAAAAH PERVERT THERES A MAN STRIPPING IN THE THEATER AAAAH” sukuna grabbed her anc clamped a hand over her mouth. he wished he could just kill her, but unfortunately that would get him caught and then the brat would take over again. sukuna refused to allow that to happen so instead he just turned the girl around and glared at her like he had the woman from earlier.
she froze before smiling blissfully and clasping her hands together. “you’re sooooooo hot. sorry i called you a pervert. will you glare at me again, nudist-chan?” she must have thought he was dreamy. sukuna made a face and promptly gave her the people’s elbow. the movie started with sukuna still half-undressed, so he finished changing and threw the pink clothes back in the bag.
he climbed the wall to sit next to the projector. it was late enough at night that nobody was in the theater to see him tear chunks out of the wall panels, but he wouldn’t have cared anyways. He watched the movie from the balcony-ish area. the little movie theater employee had fallen asleep before changing the reels, so sukuna left a dent in the projector and left earlier than anticipated.
he finished his evening by getting four milkshakes. given that it wasn’t his body, he never really felt full, but he savored the birthday cake flavor. he also relished in the way that itadori couldn’t ever understand why he kept
gaining weight. he was very active and didn’t eat… that much… or so he thought!!! sukuna was fattening him up to destroy his mind from the inside out!!! his body would be his own worst enemy!!! so maybe it was a long con, but sukuna was used to waiting. part of the whole being dead kinda for centuries.
he returned to the dorm and walked into the hallway. he spotted megumi walking towards him from a distance and panicked. his stomach gurgled loudly- itadoris body couldn’t handle dairy- and he promptly gave up control.
itadori came too, sweating and shivering with an absolutely monstrous storm brewing in his belly. he had no clue what had happened, but he was soon to find out about the disastrous consequences of sukunas night out.