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It wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Shauna to see Jackie everywhere she goes, whether it’s a shadow, a hallucination, a memory, a dream - she saw her everywhere. Logically, she knew it wasn’t really her. The Jackie she kept seeing was a manifestation of all her resentment, her love, her insecurities, and the most abundant of all, her guilt. That Jackie was vengeful, mean, she was everything bad she thought of Jackie, but Shauna knew that a lot of the times, the good outweighed the bad with her, Jackie can be selfish and self-centred but she was also kind, and sweet, and she cared so so much. So no, she knew it wasn’t her Jackie, because her Jackie was dead.
Jackie couldn’t believe she had died, while it was simultaneously true that a part of her wanted to that night, a bigger part of her wished that Shauna would come out the cabin and apologise. So standing there, as a fucking ghost, watching Shauna cry over her dead body, she was pissed off, or she thought she would be, but she wasn’t. Not really, at least, she couldn’t feel any sort of pain or anger or sadness, she was just still. She wanted, so badly, to be furious, but there is nothing there. One of the perks of being a dead, she guessed.
She spent her days in silence, she wondered if this was hell, because to her this was worse than hell - she knew Shauna was talking to her corpse in the shed but she didn't want to see her corpse, she knew she's had enough when she saw herself get eaten by her friends. She left when that happened. She couldn’t bear one more day seeing them all lose their minds. At first she wandered around, hoping to find an escape, but every time she strayed too far, she was back at at the cabin. So, she gave up. She climbed to the highest peak she could reach and stayed there, she stayed there for god knows how long, she stayed there until she was joined by, Nat, of all people.
She saw Nat with some sort of radio device, attempting to call out for help. Holy shit, they’ve done it, Jackie thought to herself. They were finally getting out. She looked at Nat, and she couldn’t help but be astonished. What the hell happened in that camp when she left? Why is it just Nat? Is Shauna still alive? She followed Nat back down, her face covered in tears, she was proud of her, she would give her a hug if she could. 'Wait, let me try that' Jackie thought to herself, so she did and Nat shivered.
“Jackie?” Nat blinked.
“You can see me?” Jackie jolted back.
“Um… yeah?” For someone who is quite literally seeing a ghost, Nat looked calm, more confused than anything, before panic started to set in, “Is help on the way or is that a hallucination too?”
“Yes, you called them! That was real! I was just giving you a hug and then.. I don’t know. I guess you can see me now.” Jackie shrugged, the biggest smile on her face.
“Oh… okay.” Nat nodded, continuing her walk back.
“You’re talking to a ghost and all you can say is oh okay?” Jackie trailed behind her.
“I don’t know if you’ve seen the state of camp but this is possibly the least fucked up thing to have happened in the last… I don’t even know dude. I'm so over it.” Nat shook her head.
“No I-I’ve been here the whole time, after you guys ATE me, I just ended up here. It’s nice so, I didn’t leave. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but I just couldn’t stay after..” Jackie gestures around.
“I am sorry about that.”
“It’s fine, I hope I tasted nice.”
Nat looked at Jackie, eyes searching, before a chuckle came out of her and a sigh, “I missed you cap.”
“I missed you too.” Jackie grinned, “So! I know we have a long walk ahead, catch me up.”
Nat let out a massive exhale, “You thought Shauna was bad before? Well..”
They walked back together like two friends instead of Nat talking to a literal ghost. Hearing the events that transpired after she left, Jackie was left astounded. She couldn’t believe her Shauna, would turn out the way she did. They reached camp and Jackie knew she had turned invisible again when Nat said, “It was nice to see you JT.”
“Yeah, you too.” Jackie said to herself, knowing nobody could hear her when she’s invisible.
Shauna came into view, a shotgun in her hand aimed at Nat, Jackie approached her, standing beside her, looking at the stranger she once knew as her bestest friend.
“Shauna, put.. the.. gun… down.” Natalie hissed.
“Where the FUCK were you? WHAT DID YOU DO?” Shauna yelled, the hands holding the shotgun shaking out of pure and sheer anger.
“Rescue is coming. It’s over, Shauna. Fuck, shoot me if I care. I don’t have a home to go back to, right?” Nat said dryly, she put her arms at her side and walked over to Shauna. She grabbed the shotgun barrel and put it on her forehead, “Do it. Why the fuck not?”
Hesitatingly, Shauna rips the shotgun off of Nat’s hands, turned it around, and fully decked her with the handle.
Shauna muttered unintelligibly, obviously fuming. She threw the shotgun on the ground and stormed off into her teepee. She grabbed her journal, 'that stupid journal' Jackie thought, and started writing in big angry letters.
Jackie sat next to her, just watching, but as she saw Shauna begin to cry uncontrollably, she couldn’t help but reach out and touch her shoulder, Shauna yelped.
“LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” Shauna whipped her head only to find Jackie. Shauna sighed, “Oh, it’s just you.”
“What?” Jackie couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, “I swear, does everyone see ghosts everyday? Even Nat was just like, ‘oh whatever crazier shit has happened’” She said in her best Nat impression.
Shauna blinked, “Nat?”
“Yeah, Nat! I’ve been on um.. the mountain peak all this time. It’s very pretty up there. Sure beats whatever the hell has been happening here. Impressive set up though.” Jackie said, perky as ever.
“Oh.” Shauna didn’t know what to say, and then Jackie couldn’t sworn she saw her Shauna come back, or at least a glimpse of her, “I don’t know I mean… I’ve been seeing you all the time… haunting me…. and stuff.”
“Nope, not me!” Jackie smiled, “I missed you, Shipman.”
“Are you not… mad?” Shauna found herself being her old self again, she was meek, unsure of herself, her shoulders hunched in insecurity.
“I don’t know, being dead kinda took my ability to be mad. I should be, I know I should be. But I’m just… not? I think everyone here has been through enough… has done enough, I’m just glad you’re still alive.” Jackie placed her cold hand on Shauna’s thigh and just smiled, she just smiled that homecoming winning, charming smile and Shauna felt like she was back in Jackie’s room again, helping her with her homework.
“Is it really you?” Shauna couldn’t help the way it came out choked.
“Yeah, it’s me.” Jackie jokingly did jazz hands.
Shauna hugged her, and despite not physically feeling the warmth, she felt it. She hugged her back, Shauna shivering to her touch. When Jackie eventually pulls away she started, “I heard you’ve been up to no good.”
Shauna just shrugged, “Depends who you ask.”
Jackie sighs, she knew neither of them wanted to get into it so she just stared at Shauna, her gaze endeared and loving, “Are you going to say it back?”
“Say what?”
“That you missed me too, and hey, sorry for fucking your boyfriend and then leaving you out to die and THEN eating your corpse!” Jackie laughed, punching Shauna’s side lightly.
“Jax..” Shauna frowned, looking at her hands, “I am. I’m… I can’t even say I’m sorry because it goes beyond that. I know that you’ll haunt me for the rest of my life, maybe not this you, the real you, but the part of you that’s in me. The part of you inside me that I will always atone to, the one that eats me up alive every single day, you don’t know how it feels and I’m happy that you don’t feel mad or angry or whatever, I don’t know how ghosts feel! But I wish you were, because I deserve it.” She paused just to get herself together, her face was wet with tears and she was an inch away from hyperventilating, “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry that you’re dead, I’m sorry that I lied to you, I’m sorry that I left you out there. You didn’t deserve any of it, you really really didn’t.”
“I know. It’s okay. Well, it’s not… but I mean, what’s done is done, you know?” Jackie reaches out and held Shauna’s hand, “I think you’ve punished yourself enough. I mean Nat’s only told me the gist of it but… Shauna, it’s over. You’re going home.”
“Why are you being so kind to me?” Shauna said in between hiccups.
Jackie smiled that godforsaken smile again, her eyes twinkling, “Because I love you Shauna, and I... forgive you. I know I should give you a whole spiel but I don’t feel like it, I don't know how much time we have left and enough's enough,” she shrugged, “I think that… I’m here right here, right now, to tell you this. You don’t need me to go in on you, it sounds like your version of me does that already.”
“I love you too. You never said it back before.” Shauna managed.
“I didn’t?” Jackie furrowed her brows.
“No.”
“Oh, sorry. I don’t know, I didn’t realise. I always said it back in my head, and I knew I loved you so… sorry, I actually just never realised. But I do, love you, I mean.” Jackie said, and it was true. She just never really thought about it because Shauna had never mentioned it.
“It’s okay.” Shauna finally smiled, “Are you... going to go soon?”
“Shauna, I’ve got nowhere to go!” Jackie laughed, “But um, no. I’m not going to follow you around. I think we all need to move on and I just can’t… I can’t face my parents hearing about me, I can’t go back with you all. And also, I’ve tried! I’m trapped, or tethered, ugh I don’t know how any of this works, so I’ll be with you until rescue comes, I guess?”
“I’m not ready to leave you, not again.” Shauna gripped Jackie tight, her eyes were glassy and big and Jackie couldn’t help but melt.
“Any last parting words?” Jackie couldn’t help but smile and cry as well, she didn’t even know she could do that.
“I still can’t believe it’s you. It’s really you. I wish you came sooner, why’d you leave it so late?” Shauna said, her tone pleading.
“I just couldn’t. It never gets old whenever I say this but, I’m dead! I’m dead and I couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t watch you all become what you’ve all become and know there was nothing I could really, tangibly do. Who the hell cares what ghost Jackie said? I would have to see you all butcher each other, eat each other, be in Lottie’s creepy wilderness cult, I didn’t want to do that.” Jackie shook her head, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around Shauna, cuddling her the way Shauna used to do back in high school.
“I love you so, so much.” Shauna sobbed onto Jackie, “I don’t want to leave you, please don’t let me.”
“You have to live for me. That’s my one and only request. You have to use that big brain of yours to do amazing things, to fall in love, to—"
“I’m in love with you,” Shauna interrupted quietly, almost inaudibly.
Jackie felt her dead heart beat again, “You are?”
“Always have been.” Shauna nodded, her arms wrapped around Jackie’s body, her eyes cast down.
“Oh, Shauna.” Jackie pulled away just so she could see her, she tilted her chin up and looked her in the eyes, smiling, “I wish you would’ve said that sooner.”
“Were you..?” Shauna gasped, to which Jackie nodded, shy.
“I mean now, I can say it like, what’s gonna happen, you know? I’ve done a lot of thinking up there, and yeah you know what? I was. I was very, very in love with you. It was never about Jeff, and maybe I’ve missed out on a world where you and I could’ve been something and fuck, Shauna - you’ve made a ghost very, very happy.” Of all the things Jackie could’ve done, she booped Shauna’s nose.
The innocence of it all made Shauna want to crumble, the way ghost Jackie was all the good that Jackie was, the way it was the Jackie that Shauna fell terribly in love with, it was Jackie at her best, golden, adorably corny, and so very loving.
“Can I kiss you?” Shauna asked, rushed. Jackie nodded.
And just like that, they kissed. It was sweet, tender, full of everything that’s unspoken and could never ever be again. It was a parting gift, and Shauna knew that. She deepened the kiss, not wanting to let go of Jackie, she felt sick just even thinking about what it could’ve been. Jackie smiled into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Shauna’s neck. Jackie was first to pull away, softly. She held Shauna’s tear-soaked face and just looked at her.
“Jax, you’re..”
Jackie furrowed her eyebrows, confused, she looked down on herself and saw that she was slowly disappearing.
“Oh,” Jackie acknowledged, “I guess I’m going.”
“Jackie no, no, no, no.” Shauna muttered, grasping onto Jackie as hard she possibly could, Jackie slowly fading away.
“Shauna, you are the best friend I have ever had but this is where I end. It’s okay. I love you, and please, please just… don’t let evil me haunt you too much.” Jackie winked.
Shauna leaned in again and tried to kiss her but all she could feel was air. Jackie was gone, again. She broke down and cried. She cried and cried and didn’t eat or leave her teepee until Nat had to drag her out when help came.
-
Jackie opened her eyes and she was stood in front of her team in a locker room, defeat in everyone’s faces. She had to laugh.
“Jackie, what the fuck?” Taissa asked.
“Did we just lose state?” Jackie managed in between laughter, to the confusion of her team members.
She just continued to laugh to the point where tears were coming up to her eyes. At first she thought, maybe this was the afterlife, maybe it was heaven, maybe it was hell, but no - she felt her heart beating, she felt the sweat off of her back, she felt the disappointment of losing despite her being so unbelievably ecstatic, she was alive.
“Well… yeah?” Van answered incredulously, gaping at the sight in front of her. Of their team captain losing her shit.
“Oh, thank god.” Jackie sighed.
She looked over and saw Shauna, her heart leaped to her chest and in that moment she just felt nothing but sheer happiness. She ran, no, sprinted, over to her and just hugged her. Shauna confused, hugged her back.
“I love you Shipman.” Jackie whispered, her tears falling onto Shauna's shirt.
“Uh… I love you too, Jax…” Shauna patted her back.
She had a second chance, she didn’t know why or how or anything that was happening really, all she knew was that she wasn’t going to fuck up this time and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let Shauna fuck it up either. She had all the time in the world now, and she was going to use it.
On a Wednesday, in a locker room, Jackie watched it begin again.