Actions

Work Header

If I Never See Your Face Again

Summary:

Four years ago...

 

 

Robbie thought this would just be a normal sleepover, a routine he'd danced many times before. He'd let Drayton lay his head in his lap, sleep in his bed, and he'd try not to want more than that.

He never thought this time would be the last.

Notes:

this is a bit of context for If I Could Turn Back Time, especially chapters 2 and 3. Robbie is Robin's dead name, before her transition. I'd recommend reading the first two fics in this series beforehand or at least If I Could Turn Back Time, because otherwise I bet you'll be like "Who the fuck is this little gay guy?"

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a scene Robbie had acted in many times before. Him and Drayton, alone in his room, and he'd have to try his best not to let Drayton see just how much he liked it when Drayton would lay his head in his lap. Drayton insisted that he played Super Sandslash Brothers better at a 45 degree angle, and though Robbie was not sure how that was even possible, he took Drayton at his word.

"Y'know, I used to be able to beat you." Drayton remarked as Robbie's choice of character condescendingly questioned whether or not she won. "When did you turn into Jesus on the Peach?"

"You're playing Donkey Kong." Robbie said bluntly. "Anyone can look like Jesus on the Peach against Donkey Kong. He's too fat."

"Ah. So I've just gotta drop a couple pounds and I'll start whoopin' you again." Drayton said slyly. "Gotta say, I'm a little tired of getting destroyed time after time after time."

"Okay, Cyndaquil Lauper."

Drayton rolled his eyes and pushed Robbie away by the head. "I'm kinda tired. Like, in general. Forgot my sleeping bag again." He grumbled, standing up and stretching his arms above his head, his shirt riding up. Robbie had to force himself not to stare. It was torturous, ripping his eyes away from his favourite person to look at in the world. But he didn't want things to be weird with Drayton, and he knew the fastest way to alienate a straight guy was to show interest in him, so he had to hide how he felt away. It was like walking on eggshells around him now. One wrong move and their entire friendship would implode.

Drayton grabbed Robbie's hair, and gave it a tug. "Brush your teeth, you dummy." He instructed him firmly, crossing his arms as Robbie rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Jesus Christ..." Robbie grumbled, standing up and trying to hide his face so Drayton wouldn't see his blush. He could already feel his cheeks heating up. He silently followed him to the bathroom, where Drayton had his own toothbrush because he was over so often. There were only two toothbrushes in the bathroom, two of them at the sleepover, despite the fact that the League Bratz was theoretically a trio. But all three of them knew that era had ended. Lacey had gone her own way, and Robbie clung to Drayton like two Beldum becoming a Metang. It was unfortunate, but it was just how it was.

"Cavities are a bitch, Rob. Iris has had, like, five crowns already. Then she complains about it, and I know them teeth are not brushed. Like, it's your own damn fault." Drayton ranted as Robbie quietly began brushing his own teeth. "Aw, good boy." He said, and a fire was instantly lit under Robbie's ribcage. It was an incandescent mixture of fury and arousal, setting his insides alight. He tried his best to withstand it as he just kept brushing his damn teeth, unable to fire back with any kind of slick comeback. 

Both boys spat out their toothpaste at the same time. Robbie almost wanted to tease Drayton about the fact that he'd brushed his teeth for less time than he had, but he didn't want to risk saying anything in his state. He knew his voice would fail him the minute he opened his mouth. His nerves always showed through his voice. So, he just let Drayton lead him around in his own home, back to his bedroom and into his own bed. Drayton slid into Robbie's bed like he owned the place, like he'd done it a hundred and one times before. It felt like he had. Robbie knew this was the twelfth time he'd forgotten his sleeping bag- in a row, mind you- but him sleeping in Robbie's bed had started to feel routine after about the third time. He wondered if Drayton would climb into his bed still even if he'd remembered his sleeping bag. Force of habit, maybe.

No matter. Robbie climbed into bed with Drayton, making sure to leave a healthy amount of space between them. Of course, if he had half a brain, he'd claim all the space he could before Drayton started to sprawl, but being so close to Drayton in bed was just a bridge too far.

Drayton clicked his tongue. "Leaving room for Jesus, I see." He teased with a knowing grin that sent shivers down Robbie's spine.

He rolled his eyes, the fight in him long extinguished. He knew he could never truly win with Drayton. They'd squabble, and maybe Robbie would get a few jabs in, but Drayton had a trump card that he made use of to no end. All he had to do was imply Robbie had feelings for him and he'd fold like a lawn chair. At the very least, Robbie had the cover of the closet to hide behind. His embarrassment could be explained away as just not wanting to come out. But it scared him to no end to think that maybe, he hadn't been quite as good at hiding his feelings as he thought.

"Y'know, this isn't quite what I imagined sleeping with someone would be like." Drayton remarked wryly, resting his hands behind his head. "Wasn't anticipating it being a boy."

Robbie gritted his teeth. "We're not doing what the euphemism entails, Drayton. We're literally sleeping."

"Really? Shucks." Drayton joked, snapping his fingers in mock disappointment. "So, I'm curious. I never hear anything about your crushes. Lacey, she'll go up and down the list, but I never hear anything from you. So, tell me. Which guy do you have your eye on?" He asked innocently, as if he didn't just deliver a complete shock to Robbie's system.

Robbie sputtered. "G-Guy?! I-I don't-"

"Robbie, Robbie, Robbie. I know you're gay." He said gently, though the smirk on his face was anything but kind. "I've known you're gay for, like, years. It's really obvious. There's no point lying to me."

"Wha- It's not obvious!" Robbie protested, pulling the covers up to cover his face. "You knew and you didn't tell me you knew?!"

Drayton shrugged. "Wasn't really important. Doesn't change anything." He said matter-of-factly. "So, who's the guy?"

You. It's always been you. "U-Uh... I dunno. I don't really care for any of the boys in our class. They're all jackasses." Robbie lied through his teeth. They were all jackasses, but Drayton was the sweetest boy he'd ever known. He'd never let Robbie feel alone, even for a minute. Robbie was a crybaby, he knew that, but Drayton never judged. He'd just let Robbie lay his head on his shoulder until he calmed down. Anyone else would've thought Robbie was ridiculous, but Drayton never let him feel stupid.

"Ouch." Drayton laughed. "So how do you know that you're gay if you don't like any boys?"

"I don't like how they act. How they look, on the other hand..."

"Ah. That makes more sense." He chuckled.

"I-I mean, if I had the choice, I'd be straight. I like girls. They're much nicer to me than boys are. They like my hair. We like all the same things. I-It'd be easy for me to like a girl, just- I don't wanna kiss 'em." He prattled on, already regretting opening his mouth. Why did he have to go and spill his guts all the time? He was normally a quiet person, but Drayton had this way of forcing words out of him, to the point where Robbie was prone to accidentally saying too much.

"Huh. You'd really rather kiss a boy? You see how chapped everyone's lips are? Boys are gross. I'd take a girl any day." Drayton remarked, rolling his eyes. "Or at least someone who wears lip balm."

Robbie blinked. He wore lip balm. Drayton poked fun at it sometimes, but apparently he appreciated it now. He shook his head, trying to put the thought of kissing Drayton out of his mind. He knew it would never happen, anyway.

"Also, I can't believe you said it's not obvious. Rob, look at this." Drayton commanded, scrambling out of bed and pointing to a poster of Britney Spearows. "You worry about the health of your cuticles. Your hair is always long. And your only Pokémon is pink and flowery." He pointed out, gesturing to Munna, fast asleep in the corner of the room, spinning as she floated above the floor vent like an ear of corn on a spit. "I always knew. Even when you were, like, seven, I knew you were gay. No straight boy knows the difference between a carnation and a peony."

"They're not even that similar! Peonies have rounded petals, while carnation petals are more ruffled like a pleated skirt!"

Drayton just looked at Robbie with a withering stare.

"Well, it's true...!" He said weakly.

"Dude, you are capital G gay. And you know what? Gay is okay."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious! There's nothing wrong with you. You are who you are. And you're my best friend." Drayton assured him, sitting down on the edge of the bed, right next to where Robbie's legs were. "I always knew you were a bit different. Then it became really obvious you were gay. It never fazed me. I'm just a bit offended it took so long for you to tell me."

"I didn't tell you. You bullied it out of me." Robbie grumbled.

"Well, it was taking too long." Drayton remarked with a wry smile. He ruffled Robbie's bronze curls before standing up. "Budge up, will ya? You don't need to take up the whole bed."

Robbie rolled his eyes and moved over, completely shuffling their positions around. Normally Drayton preferred to sleep facing the wall, but Robbie figured he didn't want to be trapped against the wall by a gay guy.

"You think it's weird? Y'know, sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy?" He asked quietly, smiling a little as Munna floated over and plopped herself into his arms.

Drayton shrugged. "I bet the other guys would think it's weird. But you're not just 'a gay guy'. You're my Robbie. So I don't mind."

Robbie thanked the moon and stars that he'd already rolled over by the time he'd asked, because the flush on his face would've been hard to explain. He was 'his Robbie'. 'His'. That fire that had been burning in his diaphragm received a ton of kindling at that moment, setting his heart ablaze. He wanted so badly to be Drayton's- Drayton's anything, really. Best friend was a nice title to have, but he wanted more. He wanted so much more than what he had, so close yet so far from what he craved. They were in bed together, but they didn't touch. He bared his soul to Drayton, and he would in return, but he still hid so much from him. It was torture, knowing this was the best he could ask for, yet it still left him so unsatisfied.

"...You don't think I'm gonna, like, creep on you?" He asked in a small voice. "I-I mean, I'm not deaf. I hear what the other boys say about me in the locker room. They wouldn't wanna be alone with me 'cause I'll force myself on them, 'cause apparently all gays have no self-control or standards."

Drayton shrugged. "Go for it." He said simply, and Robbie felt his entire body burst into flames. Drayton merely raised an eyebrow as if challenging him to reveal what mess of sticky, tangled feelings lurked in there. He knew he had to look stupid, his mouth agape and his face flushed, but he was frozen in place. He couldn't have moved if he wanted to, and he did not. He wasn't nearly brave enough to rise to the challenge, to kiss the boy he loved if it was only a test. It was just a joke to him, after all. Just a way to keep Robbie in his place, pining helplessly over Drayton as he held his heart in his hands.

"No?" Drayton whispered softly, almost imperceptibly quiet. For a moment, Robbie could've sworn he saw a trace of disappointment flash across his face. But just as quickly as it came, it was replaced by that easy smirk he used like a signature. "See? I can trust you. You're a good guy." He assured him gently, patting his shoulder. He then turned the lamp off, and rolled over on his side, facing away from Robbie. "G'night, Rob."

"Night." Robbie forced himself to choke out. He laid his head on his pillow, staring at the ceiling with Munna in his arms. This wasn't right. This was pure, unbridled emotional warfare meant to break down Robbie's spirit, he thought. Drayton was taunting him. Dangling his love just out of his reach, teasing him like a hungry Lillipup with food. Was this fun for him? Was it fun to play games with the boy who couldn't stay mad at him, the boy who would debase himself entirely for a taste of his lips? He thought it probably was. He'd react so viscerally, it must have been amusing. It must be great fun to watch him flounder around, desperately trying to conceal what was written all over his face.

He gritted his teeth, and squeezed Munna closer. He was furious now. In eight hours, he'd be back under Drayton's thumb like nothing had happened. That was just how they were. No slight went unforgiven yet no conversation was had. They just moved on, no conversation required. But as Munna's Dream Mist began to lull him to sleep, he wondered if he'd ever be able to live this one down.


Drayton walked to school early the next day. It was a pretty long walk from Lacunosa to Opelucid, but he was happy to make it on his own so he didn't have to face Robbie.

'Go for it'. 'Go for it'?? He may as well have started humping his leg! Was he that desperate?! Sure, he didn't have great luck with girls, he'd never really hit it off with any of them, but did that mean he had to go and beg his best friend, his male best friend to kiss him?! He told himself that he was just proving a point, just teasing a little because it was fun to watch Robbie panic and try to hide his little crush, but deep down he knew he wanted him to do it. He was disappointed when Robbie froze up. He couldn't kid himself, he was far too self-aware. He knew it, as much as he wanted to pretend that he didn't, that he'd wanted a boy to kiss him.

Well, Robbie's not much of a boy anyway. Really, the only boyish thing about him is his flat chest and his genitals. But his face, those pink, round lips of his and those almond shaped eyes, they were so- God, why was he thinking a boy was beautiful?! What kind of witchcraft did Robbie do to him?! The moment he comes out, suddenly he spreads his homosexuality and catches Drayton completely off-guard. Maybe he shouldn't have been in a bed with him. Somehow, it turned him gay in twelve easy sleepovers.

Dammit. He's not gay. He couldn't be gay. What would become of him if he was? Robbie would be elated to find out, he'd think he had a chance and of course he did, no one else stood a chance against that boy, but his other friends? Lacey would lose her mind to find out both of her male friends were gay for each other, and then Drayton's 'friends' would absolutely destroy him. All the pencil snapping, the shoving into lockers, the lunch trays smacked out of Robbie's soft, delicate hands would come for Drayton tenfold. The novelty for Robbie had worn off, since Robbie's reactions to the bullying had started to dull. He used to cry about it, but now he just took it on the chin, his soft, cherubic face hardening more and more by the day. They'd broken him, leaving something stronger yet less sunny and bright in his place. If Drayton suddenly turned out to be gay, that was a new chew toy to tear apart and exhaust.

He's not gay. Robbie was pretty much a girl anyway, and it was confusing him. It was all his fucking fault, for being so damn cute and sweet and so easy to talk to, and for being so pretty when he cried. He never fought his tears, but he never embraced them either. He'd always just sit there, quiet as the tears rolled down his face. Sometimes Drayton would think about wiping them off for him. Sometimes he'd think of doing it with his tongue.

Eugh. Gross. Drayton shuddered as that particular mental image reared its ugly head once more. This was just too much. Why couldn't Robbie have been less kind, less funny, less like everything he wanted in a girl? He was everything he wanted, with just one little drawback. Apparently, his heart didn't put quite as much weight on that drawback as the rest of him did. It wasn't even a possibility, kissing him, dating him, falling in love with him. What would his parents say? What would Grandpa think, that the heir to his prized Gym was nothing more than some kind of homosexual, deviant fairy? Hah. A fairy running the Dragon Gym. The thought of it was almost funny, if it didn't make him want to puke.

He wasn't gay. He'd liked girls before. He'd had a thing for that one girl with the dark hair and the caramel skin who carried her Sewaddle everywhere she went, or that blonde with a Vanillite and the most piercing green eyes he'd ever seen. He wasn't like Robbie, he'd felt things for girls before. Robbie had said he never wanted to kiss a girl, and Drayton could say for certain he had.

He gritted his teeth as he walked over Village Bridge. Everything came back to Robbie, didn't it? He was sick in the head, obsessed with a boy like a lovesick Swanna. Because it was love, wasn't it? He'd sworn up and down he loved Robbie like a brother, but now that theory had been thrown out the window. Some brother he was.

He made it to school in Opelucid about forty minutes ahead of class, which left him standing outside in the rather nippy spring weather. He never dressed warm enough, his mother said. Dragons were weak to the cold, after all.

He wondered if Robbie would notice he was gone. Clearly, he'd misread how much Robbie really cared about him. Why didn't he kiss him?! Why wouldn't he just take what he wanted?! He knew he wanted to, everyone knew he wanted to kiss Drayton, it was written all over his face. Why wouldn't he just go for it?! Was he that much of a coward?!

Oh, shit. Robbie wasn't far behind him, and he looked pissed. He probably had a right to be, given that Drayton had woken up and left the house within five minutes, leaving Robbie behind when they'd traditionally walk to school together. But after the failed kiss gambit, Drayton just couldn't even look at him.

"Hey." Robbie said quietly, avoiding eye contact as well as he fidgeted with the ends of his scarf. "...Are you mad at me?"

Yes. I'm mad at you. I'm furious. I'm furious 'cause you're dragging me down a treacherous path all because I can't stop thinking about your goddamn mouth. "No." He said shortly.

"So why'd you leave?" Robbie asked quietly, his eyes that were the exact colour of rubies piercing his heart as they looked up at him, much sadder than he ever anticipated.

Drayton sighed so hard it turned into a groan. "God, who are you? My mother? You need an itinerary? I just wanted to go. Who cares?"

Robbie's eyes widened, and Drayton swore they pierced him so heavily, his heart was stained in the colour of his eyes. "...I thought we'd walk together." Robbie said lamely.

A pang of regret hit Drayton right in the chest. That was their thing, their ritual, and he'd skipped it just because he was worried Robbie was making him gay. But he couldn't say he was sorry, or it would all pour out of him, he'd apologize for every little smart remark poking fun at his feelings because now he knew what it felt like to be so humiliated by something he couldn't control and he hated it.

Robbie's eyes flicked to the ground, almost mournful in the way he closed his eyes to steady himself. He then took both of Drayton's hands in his, his delicate hands feeling like they burned with all the heat of the sun in Drayton's hands. "I-I'm sorry, Dray-"

Drayton slapped his hands away. "Don't- Don't touch me." He mumbled.

Robbie looked genuinely surprised as he took a step back. "...Drayton...?"

"Don't touch me. I-I'm not a faggot like you. Just- Just fuck off." He spat, though he regretted it the moment the words left his mouth. He could see Robbie's shocked expression, that pretty mouth dropping open. He saw tears welling in Robbie's eyes for only a second before Robbie gritted his teeth and turned away without another word, his scarf lightly whipping Drayton in the face.

Drayton crossed his arms. Well, maybe that'd solve one of his problems. If Robbie hated him, maybe he'd stop wanting to kiss him. If he wasn't being so cute in his presence, maybe whatever he felt for the boy would fade away.

But as he watched Robbie walk back toward Route 11, his bronze curls bouncing with every step, somehow he doubted it'd be that easy. Robbie was crying, and it was all his fault. Little, quiet tears were probably streaming down his pretty face, his cheeks were turning pink, his eyes were probably sparkling like a precious gemstone-

Dammit. He had to stop thinking about him. Drayton would be better off without him, wouldn't he? Things would go back to normal for him. He wouldn't think about licking the salt off Robbie's face, kissing every little slight he'd ever withstood better, taking all the pain away. He'd get better. Whatever this obsession of his was would go away and he'd get his life back on track. He'd inherit the Gym, he'd get a girl someday, he'd own high school like he should.

"Hey!" Lacey greeted him cheerily. "You're here early!" She chirped, as if nothing was wrong, as if they were that friendly. As if she couldn't wait another moment to revel in Robbie's absence.

"Yeah." He grumbled.

"Where's Robbie? You two had a sleepover last night, right? Why didn't you come together?" Lacey asked innocently.

'Cause he loves me and I love him, and I can't take it. "He doesn't need a bodyguard." He mumbled, though there was a part of him that disagreed. He was so fragile, so soft and dainty and so emotional. He couldn't handle the bullying alone, Drayton knew that. But now he was out of his reach.

Lacey shrugged. "He's got Munna. That's enough of a bodyguard." She joked, an easy smile on her face he hadn't seen in a while. Apparently all it took to make Lacey happy was to call Robbie a homophobic slur and send him home crying. That was enough to satisfy her, getting him out of her way.

Drayton crossed his arms as he resigned himself to dealing with Lacey's wholly inappropriate glee that Robbie was nowhere to be seen, that her own friend was at home crying. It was a necessary sacrifice. That was what Drayton told himself. Robbie was confusing him, turning him into something he didn't recognize. The kind of guy who'd ache for another boy. It was for the best that he was gone, even if it felt like part of himself was blasted out of his chest. Maybe then Drayton would feel normal again.

Notes:

The girls don't even know the word bisexual yet it's crazy! if you've ever been twelve years old and fruity, you'd know there's no in-between at that age. the kids can't fathom bisexuality!

i did promise that the League Bratz would be toxic... it was definitely worse when they were kids. Robin and Drayton iced Lacey out a lot, Drayton held Robin's feelings for him over her head a bunch, Lacey had a ton of resentment for Robin, like it was crazy. removing Robin from the equation did wonders for the Drayton-Lacey relationship tbh.

thanks for reading, and for your support !! your feedback and comments really do make my day. They call me Chatty Candy because I love to reply...

my lovely tumblr... RUN IT UP!
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/candy--cloudss

Series this work belongs to: