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Sieun hated that he looked peaceful. It was like the boy on the hospital bed was mocking him.
“Wake up,” Sieun told Suho in a whisper, not wanting passing nurses to hear him. “Wake up… idiot.”
He thought an added insult would make Suho open his eyes just to say some stupid comeback or something.
It didn’t work.
Sieun stared at his face, willing his eyes to open or his nose to twitch or his mouth to move and tell him that it was a joke, that he wasn’t in a coma and that he was fine. He wanted Suho to tell him that he was just messing with him and that he’s flattered that Sieun would care this much about him. Sieun just wanted him to wake up.
As he stared down at his friend, Sieun remembered the times he’d woken Suho up before.
The first time was when Sieun had promised to buy Suho a meal because Sieun felt bad for fighting him. He’d known that Suho meant at a restaurant, but Sieun hadn’t known him well, so he chose to buy him a lunch from the school. That had been the first day that Sieun had studied in the dark, not opening the windows when he got to the classroom. Suho had been asleep again. Sieun had already had the plan of the meal being from the school, and he felt a little bad, like he was gypping Suho out of his apology. Sieun decided that not waking him up with the light would also be part of the apology.
The next people who had come through the door were a group of guys who were being loud. They’d woken Suho up, Sieun noticed.
Later, when lunch came, Sieun waited until everyone was out of the classroom before he approached Suho’s desk. Again, Suho was sleeping, his hand pillow under his head. Sieun stood next to him, hesitating for a moment. If he was already asleep, why wake him for food? But Sieun didn’t want to owe him anything – they were practically strangers still – so he woke Suho. He tapped his shoulder. Suho didn’t stir, so Sieun did it again, pressing harder this time. Suho woke and threw his hand up between them like he was fending someone off. The gesture lost its intimidation due to the pink pillow on his hand, though.
The next time Sieun woke him up was after the fight with Seokdae’s gang at the amusement park. Suho had gotten worse injuries, keeping him in a hospital bed longer than Sieun. They’d gotten closer by this point, so Sieun didn’t feel too awkward visiting him with Yeongi so she could apologize. He’d been asleep when they got there, but Sieun hadn't hesitated to tap his shoulder. Again, he had to do it twice to wake him. Once Yeongi apologized, the two of them stayed and talked with Suho for a while, staying light-hearted while in the sad building. Yeongi ended up sleeping in an empty bed next to Suho. Sieun had gone home.
The second he’d left the hospital, Sieun had felt his mood shift. He’d forced himself to go home, thinking he would feel better, but the emptiness stayed. He didn’t realize how nice it was to be around people he could joke and smile with. It didn’t take long for Sieun to change his mind and go back. He didn’t want to show up empty-handed, so he brought food. On his way back to the hospital, he'd remembered when he told Suho that he’d treat him to a meal as an apology. This could be the real meal, Sieun thought. To make up for the cheap lunch he’d bought. Also, Sieun still had to thank Suho for following him and helping him fight Gilsu.
When he got back to the hospital room, he saw that Suho was asleep, and Yeongi was on her phone. When Sieun set the food down, Yeongi had scolded him for how she was going to gain weight eating so late at night. Her words didn’t stop her, of course – she dug in right away. By the time Sieun looked back at Suho, he’d opened his eyes and was looking between the food and Sieun. He’d been cautious about why Sieun was acting strangely. Sieun had asked what he meant, and Suho said that he was acting sweet. That was the first time in years that Sieun had felt shy. And he’d smiled. Suho looked shocked and more confused. He still hadn’t known how Sieun worked back then.
Sieun thought about it and realized that it wasn’t only waking Suho up that Sieun had memories of his shoulder with. A weird thought, but to him it made sense. He remembered another time: when Suho was “training” him. Suho had had him wake up early on a weekend. He’d only woken up that early before for studying, never for someone else. Sieun thought Suho was just going to improve his cardio, have him run a bit, and then they’d go out to eat or something. Unfortunately, Suho had more in mind. He started teaching Sieun some basic fighting moves. Suho taught him that when he’s being threatened, he shouldn’t look the person in the eyes; rather, he should stay focused on their shoulder. Once the shoulder comes toward him, he should duck and grab them, turning the movements into a takedown.
Sieun had used that move later. A few days ago, actually. He hadn’t been able to do the takedown action right away, but he’d kept his eyes on Wooyoung’s shoulder in the weight room. He’d been able to duck and grab, but he knew he wouldn’t be strong enough to take him down. Suho would’ve been, but Sieun wasn’t. So he’d brought backup: a pair of scissors in his pocket. It didn’t help. He’d been thrown to the ground in seconds. Suho’s other words came back at that time, telling him to run instead of fight. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t just run away when Suho had chosen to fight for him. He’d grabbed Wooyoung’s ankle and taken him down that way. Suho’s teaching with Sieun’s own style.
Later in the fight, Sieun had used the shoulder method again. Dodging when he saw it coming toward him. Wooyoung’s knuckles had connected with the weight behind him instead of his stomach. Sieun had crushed Woonyoung’s ankle with those weights. He hardly felt anything while Wooyoung was apologizing and begging. He could only think of Suho lying in the hospital bed, face calm and chest moving gently. Covered in scratches and bandages. That wasn’t how Suho was supposed to look.
This wasn’t how he was supposed to look.
Sieun was looking at his face, searching for any movement, a twitch even. There was nothing. No movement. Just his chest rising and falling slower than Sieun had ever seen.
Sieun turned his head a bit, keeping his eyes on Suho’s face for a moment before he blinked and shifted his attention to his shoulder. With a shaky hand, Sieun reached for it. He pressed his hand into Suho’s shoulder a few times.
“Wake up,” he said. But Suho never wakes up with the first tap.
Again, Sieun shakes Suho’s shoulder, looking at Suho’s face for a change.
“Suho-ah, wake up,” he said again.
And for once, when Sieun tapped his shoulder, Suho didn’t wake up.