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Ahn Suho was at his door and now he's leaving.
Sieun knew this would happen, he didn't go to school or answered his phone when Suho called. He was hoping that Yeongi wouldn't tell him anything and it seems like she didn't. Suho rang the doorbell, "delivery" he had said. Their little inside joke. Suho had looked at Sieun and initially nothing about his demeanor gave away anything.
On the surface everything seemed fine, Suho looked calm. Sieun thinks about his cast hidden in the sleeve of his jacket. Suho did take a look at but it probably means nothing right?
Sieun felt momentary relief before the claws of anxiety sank in his chest. Suho had told him he'd see him tomorrow. At school. The final exam and all.
Nothing out of the ordinary, everything was fine. He had told Beomseok to not mess with Suho again and Sieun believed there'd be some respect for their shattered friendship left in him that he'd actually stay away from Suho.
But life is not predictable and humans aren't either. Something about this situation doesn't sit right with Sieun. Like the debris of fallout has yet to hit him and it will hit him, with full force. The aftermath is not going to be pretty.
He is worried. He fears Suho getting hurt more than himself. Oh Beomseok is moving like a headless bull and he doesn't want Suho to be a victim of his red blinded rage.
The relationship that exists between Sieun and Suho takes shape of something very pure, a bond that can't be described in words, yet. He feels it and a part of him knows that Suho feels it too. Words are often harder to say.
Sieun knows that Suho is tied to him by fate or inyeon or a red string. The burden of this knowledge falls heavy on his shoulders like being the focal point in a game of choices, solely responsible for all the future outcomes.
Here’s the thread that leads you to the entirety of your life’s love and happiness. Will you let it break?
In the moment that barely lasts a second, Sieun thinks that if the door closes and Suho leaves, the red thread will break. It will break into thousands of tiny pieces the way Sieun’s heart will if Suho leaves.
Then the door shuts and he hears the footsteps receding. Ahn Suho is leaving and Yeon Sieun is frozen.
It’s a decision of seconds. Seconds that turn into minutes and minutes that turn into years. Threads tangling one by one in a complicated web of consequences and regrets. If Yeon Sieun doesn't move right now, he will be at the center of it all and he feel it deeply in his bones.
He moves, panicked and fast. barefoot as he stumbles out of his apartment into the hallway and runs after Suho like he's running for his life, like he's chasing the last breath he will ever take because if Ahn Suho manages to get into that elevator and leave this building, Yeon Sieun will spend the rest of his life navigating through a void of endless regret and a love unfulfilled.
And maybe fate doesn't like the games Sieun is playing with it but this day it will lose and Yeon Sieun will not spend the next six hundred and thirty eight days of his life sitting outside a hospital room, awake at night like a living corpse, haunted by the what ifs, drowning in guilt, blaming himself for everything.
Ahn Suho is standing infront of the elevator, unmoving and lost in thought until Sieun comes barrelling like chaos, the way he moved into his life forty days ago. Breathless and beautiful, the prettiest boy Suho has ever laid his eyes upon.
He breathes out, "Sieun-ah"
Sieun moves forward, hurried and panicked. Grabs Suho's wrist and starts dragging him away, towards his apartment, ignoring Suho calling out his name and asking what's wrong.
When they reach his apartment, he pulls Suho in and the door shuts. Sieun is still breathless as he stares at Suho.
“Sieun-ah! What’s wrong? Did something happen? You wanted to tell hyung something?"
Sieun sees deep concern floating in Suho’s eyes, his expression worried. the relaxed stance from earlier was gone now even though Sieun knew his body language by heart, there was some tension earlier but now it has fully turned into worry.
“Sieun-ah, tell me what's wrong?"
“What did Yeongi tell you?"
Suho’s eyebrows dip into confusion as he asks, “What?"
“Don't lie to me okay, what did Yeongi tell you?" Sieun doesn't want to get frustrated but he's panicking internally like having to move around right after waking up from a terrible nightmare. His voice gets heavier because the tears are threatening to spill out, like a barbed wire wrapped around his throat, making it harder and harder to breathe let alone talk.
An alarm had went off in Sieun’s head earlier, the kind that is a little vague in the beginning like the circle hasn’t fully connected with its other end, similar to the unconnected dots in Sieun’s head. It got louder and louder until it was blaring. Suho’s too calm and collected demeanor gave it away like the quiet before a storm. Who else he would’ve gone to inquire regarding Sieun’s whereabouts? Both Sieun and Yeongi had disappeared from his birthday party, it wouldn’t surprise Sieun if Suho was able to figure it all out on his own which he did and he must have gone straight to Yeongi to confirm it.
There’s a pause, a long one and Suho stares into Sieun's eyes, multiple emotions passing through his eyes but one remains constant and it’s worry.
He sighs and looks down, when he looks up there's unbridled anger in his eyes and he says.
“Why did you go there alone?"
Sieun is holding his breath. The lies are falling apart like a house built on secrets.
Suho repeats his question when Sieun doesn't answer.
“Why would you go there alone Sieun-ah?"
His voice gets higher due to the rage he's feeling and it cracks as he says Sieun's name. hands in his pockets, he doesn't know if he wants to fist Sieun's shirt and shake him so hard that he comes to his senses and give him one good reason for his stupidity
or he simply wants to hold Sieun and cry out of relief because he's safe and he's here, when he couldn't reach him anywhere, looking for him in school, dialing his number over and over again, knocking on his door until he's sure that no one's home. Getting just a text that does nothing to calm the brewing storm in him. The ringing in his head along with the dread that something's wrong and Sieun’s not okay.
Sieun is not okay and Yeongi had told him that Beomseok was behind everything and that Suho was not supposed to know anything. Sieun had done it all to keep him safe.
Ahn Suho's heart hurts. To think that Sieun would go to such lengths to protect him and keep him away from harm. All of it was enough to bring Suho to his knees and yet he stands infront of the boy he adores with all his heart.
Suho can’t stay still out of anger, someone has to pay and that someone will be Oh Beomseok. Yeongbin next, a broken arm for a broken arm. He will add more pain for a broken heart. Punches to more faces because all the clowns had gathered together to terrorize Sieun.
His Sieun, all by himself facing them. Suho’s Sieun getting himself hurt to protect what he loved most.
It is so agonizing to imagine that Suho has to close his eyes and force these images out of his head.
The words that come out of his mouth next make Sieun forget how to breathe.
“I will kill Oh Beomseok, Sieun-ah, I promise I will kill him."
Sieun lurches forward and a beseeching no spills out of his mouth as he grabs Suho's windbreaker, desperately clinging onto him and his sanity.
“You are always stopping me from crossing the line, why are you trying to cross the line now? Why?"
By the end of the sentence his voice has gotten louder and shakier, a mixture of pleading and frustration.
“He crossed the line first, he has been crossing many lines Sieun-ah! I can only show him this much grace and I am sick of his bullshit, he hurt you to get to me don't you see? he is not going to stop unless I give him some kind of reaction-"
“That's exactly what he wants," Sieun cuts him off, “a reaction, you want to give that to him to make things worse, you have to understand he is not thinking properly and he wants to destroy everything. Don’t give him fuel to burn the house down."
“After everything he has done you still want to take his side, you can't coddle him like this always. He has to pay for what he did. i won't let him get away this time."
“For me," Sieun gasps out which also sounds like a sob, clinging desperately to the front of Suho’s shirt. “If you care about me don't cross that line Suho-yah, don't do anything and please stay here."
Suho watches helplessly as the first of many tears roll down Sieun’s cheek.
“Don’t go! stay here, don't go anywhere and stay here with me. Promise me you won't go after Beomseok or Yeongbin. You have to understand, i can't lose you and i don't want you to get hurt. What are you even going to do alone? Fight them all for how long? When will this end? Please Suho. Please don't go-"
Sieun is unable to get the rest of the sentence out of his mouth as his sobs turn into cries, his entire frame shakes as his hands leave Suho’s windbreaker, all the strength gone now as he rests his forehead against Suho’s shoulder and cries.
Suho stands there, completely still until his hands move and he's raking his fingers through Sieun’s hair. his other hand wrapping around Sieun’s shoulder to pull him in his embrace, careful to not put pressure on his broken hand in the cast, his mouth to the side of Sieun’s face and he inhales.
Ahn Suho has always prided himself on the fact that he stays in control all the time, in all situations. Spending his days working three jobs, taking care of his grandmother and managing to not drop out of school. His life was built on fighting the odds, having to make peace with unfavorable circumstances which eventually became something of a second nature to him. That came easily to him now, he didn't struggle to keep up. Too busy to mull over the haves and have nots. Not budged by the burden of loneliness, seeing boys his age living to the fullest. Parents, money, girls, clubs and drinks. They had it all.
Ahn Suho was too busy to even think about it.
But it all changed the moment Yeon Sieun decided to throw that chair at him. From his chair in the corner of his classroom, he sometimes observed this very studious and nonchalant kid. Yeon Sieun acted like every single thing in existence was beneath his foot. Suho thought it was rude but also -
very adorable.
Ahn Suho thought someone like Yeon Sieun would never give a fuck about him but he was wrong. He was so wrong.
Oh Beomseok is hellbent on destroying what they've managed to build together but as long as it started, stayed and finished at Suho he was fine. But now it is different.
Apart from him grandmother, Suho doesn't really care for anyone, ofcourse this was until Sieun didn't become the center of his world.
Suho feels it, the control he takes so much satisfaction in, melting like a candle. Drip by drip. Agonizing and painful because there is a boy in his arms who got himself hurt to protect Suho. He hates that there are tears in Sieun’s eyes and he so badly wants to make Beomseok pay for this. To hurt him the way Sieun got hurt. To break Yeongbin's hand and get him on his knees so that he begs for Sieun’s forgiveness.
Love is truly a miserable thing, as if being put through a guillotine multiple times willingly. To make choices in the name of love with effort and patience, compromise, constant battle of pulling in and letting go.
For love, Ahn Suho gives up on his hopes of bitter revenge. It tastes cheap in his mouth, even the word. If for Sieun he could destroy everything and everyone in sight, then the price was too little for holding on and staying. The boy in his arms was worth more than everything in his life.
He doesn't know if it's the right thing to do. The boiling rage cools down.
He doesn't care because he's in love.
He moves back a little until his back hits the wall behind him and he slides down, taking Sieun along with him, holding him tightly like he never wants to let go, anchored or imprisoned. He doesn't know and he doesn't care. He’s staying anyways.
“Okay.” Suho breathes out, so overwhelmed by the stream of emotions rapidly passing through his body. “Okay baby, hyung is staying. I am here Sieun-ah. You don’t have to worry about it anymore.” He says while gently combing his fingers through Sieun’s hair.
Sieun relaxes into Suho's arms, inhales and exhales, letting air into his lungs. Suho's collarbones digging into the side of Sieun's eyebrow. They stay there for a long, long time. Maybe for now, nothing seems right but as long as they're together with no secrets in between them, they will be okay. They will deal with what tomorrow has to bring, together.
“You had me so worried Sieun-ah, I really thought something terrible happened to you. Why didn’t you take my call? I’m so mad at you baby. I didn’t ever want you to put yourself in danger just to protect me.” Sieun’s body tingles with delight as Suho keeps whispering to him in a very gentle tone, holding him with utmost care that Sieun didn’t know Ahn Suho was capable of. That boy was all quick fists and bloodied knuckles. Where did he learn all this gentleness from the violence he was made of?
Sieun hums as Suho keep chiding him in a soft tone with his fingers in his hair that later slide down to his face, tracing his forehead, temple, cheekbones and cheeks then hovering over the corner of his lips.
The dust of violence and resentment around them will eventually settle. Sieun will come up with a better way to deal with Oh Beomseok without losing both him and Ahn Suho to a bitter fate and life of regrets. With the chaos gone, he will take Suho with him and move to a different place, quietly transfer to another school where he will never have to face Yeongbin and his mindless goons ever again. Build a life with Suho, maybe make new friends – friends to eat ramen with and play basketball.
They will never be alone. After finding each other, they never were and Sieun will make sure it always stays that way.
Sieun’s smile is big and full of relief as he nods his head and offers apologies to Suho’s reproaches.
Yeon Sieun wins today. A sneering fate leaves the two embracing lovers at the threshold, glowing in the promise of a love that will bloom like the most beautiful flower. Cradled with care and kept safe forever.
Somewhere in another universe, Yeon Sieun fails to stop Ahn Suho. Yeon Sieun loses Suho. Doomed to carry the curse of his choices. Haunted by the ghost of his love.
But not here, not in this life and this world. His love is safe, he's held by the boy he would destroy everything for. The intensity of his feelings are scary but not having to prove that he can do anything in the name of love is comforting.
The red string that ties him to Suho remains intact.
As long as Suho is by Sieun's side, everything will be okay.