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The night outside is dark and thunder can be heard from the inside of the monastery, to Jay’s great pleasure, who excitedly watches the sky come alive with each strike of lightning. He was staying by the window while Zane was having a look through some rough drafts of technological project Jay was working on, next to his work-desk, he seemed interested enough which seemed to make Jay satisfied. Cole was on his phone, next to Jay, by the window, watching a YouTube video about some new groundbreaking small artist whose idea will change the music industry. Kai claimed the bed as his, he skipped the music that was blasting through their speaker, and mostly looked at the ceiling, his hand going through motions on Lloyd’s back, who was sitting on the bed, facing Cole and Jay, eyes closed, mostly listening to Cole’s video and sometimes commenting on it.
It had been a while since it was just the five of them, nights like these were getting frequent, as they were all soon leaving separately on the quest to find master Wu. Lloyd was feeling a bit anxious about it, they had no lead and were forced to travel in all of Ninjago to just find rumors about his uncle’s whereabouts, they’d be alone too. Well, mostly. Lloyd is going to be alone, the others are in pairs, Kai and Zane are going together, and Jay and Cole will be a duo. Nya is going to stay with Pixal. Maybe that is why Zane is taking the time to appreciate Jay’s work, and why Kai is soaking up everyone’s antics and talk, maybe to memorize them later. Lloyd is trying his best to look around and not think that this is one of the last times they were going to be chilling together. They’re not even in front of the computer, playing video games, they’re actually together, appreciating each other’s company.
Lloyd hopes they’ll find Wu soon, so that they won’t be apart for long. Every day now has been about counting money and food to dispatch it evenly between all of them, according to their needs and the place they intend to visit first. Lloyd is thinking about making a trip to Cloud Kingdom first, to ask the writers of destiny if they have anything written anywhere that could be of any help. It’d be stupid to just look everywhere on Earth when the answer is written on a piece of paper. But he doubts he’ll get any results, the Cloud Kingdom’s writers pride themselves in knowing everything but the ninja have found that it is not true all the time.
Lloyd is feeling angsty with leaving his mother for such a long period of time, he can only imagine what Kai and Nya are feeling, they just got their parents back. Lloyd’s heart aches an instant for his father, stuck in a destroyed zone of the realms. He wonders if Wu faced the same fate, he doesn’t voice his concerns but he does worry that they are leaving Ninjago vulnerable and splitting to search someone who’s not in their realms anymore. But then again, he really hopes that Wu isn’t in another realm, because then, trying to find him will be close to impossible as well as recklessly dangerous. They don’t know anything about the realms.
Kai makes an amused noise at the sound of Weekend Whip going on and turns the volume up, to Cole’s pleasure, he pauses his video to sing along the lyrics. Lloyd finds Cole’s singing voice appeasing and is quickly annoyed when his ears are assaulted with Jay’s high-pitched voice. So is Kai apparently because he throws his pillow towards the thunder ninja’s face, who acts affronted at the gesture. Lloyd tries to remember each movement and expression made, in case it’s the last time they do it.
Lloyd vaguely wonders where Nya went, it does feel like something is missing from their little gathering. He thought about asking Jay or Kai, he’d thought she’d want to spend time with the both of them without parting away but then it occurred to him that she was probably with Pixal and Skylor, or simply taking some time alone. He distantly considered the possibility that she might be spending time with her parents but quickly erased this idea, if Kai wasn’t here she probably wouldn’t even consider going to visit them. Lloyd found himself saddened by her absence, but was glad at the same time that it was only him and his brothers.
He missed times when it was simple, when the missions were easy. He missed his father and uncle, most of all. Kai had taken time, to talk with him about feelings, and his grief, and although it helped make it more bearable, the feelings stayed, hurt and unwavering. Lloyd turned his face to see Kai, quietly singing along a new song, in a familiar language he didn’t quite understand. Lloyd tends to forget that Kai and Nya grew up in the east of Ninjago, where the majority people spoke in Old Tongue, and therefore could speak it. Except that he found that you’d never think Nya grew up there, maybe at first, since most of her clothing was more on the traditional side but even then she’d style it in a modern way, the clothes were just cheap. Kai was more connected to the east culture, he sometimes spoke of old sayings, clothing, ways of being polite, and you’d always catch a few songs from there on his playlist, he probably misses his home. Every single ninja had left their home deliberately, to find something new to do, Kai and Nya were the only ones forced out of their old life. Lloyd wonders how it feels, to be apart from everything you knew. He wonders if they’d ever want to go back. He knows Nya wouldn’t, maybe Kai would.
Jay does go back to his home with his parents sometimes, so does Cole. Lloyd wonders what it’s like to have people waiting for you. All his friends and family are with him, all the time, and they say home is where the heart is, so he has nothing to miss in the monastery. Maybe the pictures, maybe his bed, but that’s pretty much it. There is no childhood home or room, there is no backyard with memories of games. There is no good childhood memories he has in Darkley’s boarding school, only being bullied.
Sometimes, Lloyd wonders how Jay feels about being adopted, does he ever dream about the life he could have had, had his mother not left him. He remarks that they have that in common, but at least Misako had a reason to leave Lloyd, Jay’s mother had none, and if she ever had a reason, they’ll probably never know. Does Jay ever think about a life where he could have followed his father during his movies? A big house, a childhood spent in luxury, everything he’s ever wanted. But then again, Lloyd doesn’t think it’d suit Jay. For one, he wouldn’t have his love for mechanics, and the urge to build and create and go further than his limits. He wouldn’t have any limits, he wouldn’t want to go further, he wouldn’t want to explore and test himself, and Lloyd thinks that then it wouldn’t be Jay. For all the dirt Lloyd throws at the last master of thunder, he is glad Jay lived with loving parents who always encouraged him to try new things. He wonders if the others ever think the same about Misako, that for all the bad leaving him has done, maybe in the end they can find positive outcomes to it. Lloyd can’t, but he’d be glad to hear anyone’s opinion on the subject.
If they can find any evidence that his abandonment has done good, has proved itself to be the best-case scenario, he’d hear, he’d consider it. Truth be told, he understands why his mother did it, and he mostly forgave her, but there’s still the hurt kid inside who cries in his bed, thinking about the next hard day of bullying that will happen in school, who wholeheartedly believes that if he is naughty enough, then his father, or a strange snake, or an old man claiming to be his uncle will love and share candies with him.
Lloyd is someone who’s optimistic, he will try to find good in every single terrible thing that happened. He’s not like Kai and Nya, they focus on the bad things, except that Nya gets angry that they happened, and demands better days for the future, while Kai accepts that horrible things may be the only things in his future and tries to accept it. Lloyd can’t stay angry, and he can’t accept the hopelessness. He forces himself to find what’s good, because there has to be something good, otherwise it’s useless.
Sure, his mother left him, which in a sense caused him to free the snakes, but her knowledge and researches helped Ninjago. Sure, the snakes ended up manipulating him, but at least they kept him alive, being eaten completely could have been a possibility since they hadn’t had anything to eat for decades. Sure, Zane died, but he came back, and sure his father died, but he saved Ninjago, and sure, he was possessed by a ghost but Nya found out she had powers and Kai proved himself to be his most trusted ally, and sure Sensei Wu was sick out of his mind, the entire time they were dealing with Krux and Acronix but hey, Lloyd learned a lot about patience and responsibility, and he didn’t find any good aspects of Wu disappearing and their temporal disband, but he can guess that this journey will teach them a lot and make them stronger. All of that has to be worth the pain it causes.
He wonders if the others feel the same way. Zane would, since it is logic, Cole would agree, his mother dying and his bad relationship to his father put him on the road to being a ninja. He knows Jay would rather nothing bad happens but alas.
He knows his friends’ dreams about getting better, stronger for ninjago. He knows what they want or what they like right now, but it’s so close to their life as ninjas that he starts to wonder if he actually knows? What would their dream be if Ninjago didn’t threaten to fall every day? What would his dream be if Ninjago could stand a few minutes without protectors ?
Kai softly nudges him, and Lloyd looks down on the bed to face him. He finds a warm smile and amused, curious eyes landing on him, reminding him of his father.
“What are you thinking about?” Kai asks, nicely, and Lloyd realizes it has been a while since he made his presence known in the room. He considers lying and saying he’s listening to the music or podcast but, he is curious about dreams, he thinks he needs to know. He needs to know if you can make your dreams come true, if it’s possible or if it’s not a life they’re meant to lead.
“I have a question for you guys,” he says which immediately pokes everyone’s curiosity, as he can feel every pair of eyes in the room turn toward him. Kai sits up on the bed, and makes room for Cole to sit next to him. There is no one on the window so Lloyd puts his back toward, so that he can see every person in the room. “If, we didn’t become ninjas. What would you have done? Or what would you have liked to do?” He asks and can tell everyone is surprised by the question, but he does feel happy as they all make an effort to think about the answer. Lloyd realizes none of them have the same thinking face. Despite living together for a few years now, there are still several mimics they don’t share yet. Jay looks up, sticks his tongue out, furrowed brows, Cole furrows his brow but looks down, Lloyd wonders if it has any correlation to their powers, lightning coming from the sky and earth being grounded. Kai looks at his hands, blank face and Zane arbors the same expression, only difference is that he closes his eyes.
“I think,” Jay starts, shifting everyone’s attention toward him, “I would’ve been an inventor like my parents. But I would’ve moved to the city. I mean, basically what I was doing before Master Wu found me. I would’ve liked to do what Borg is doing you know?”
“You mean, things with technology?” Kai asks, a bit confused.
“I mean, I wanted my name to be known as the founder of something great you know? Something useful that will help a lot of people. I had, uhm, this thing where I wanted to find a way to fly? Not the most useful skill I guess but I thought being able to just, fly would make people happy? I loved testing that thing you know? Flying… I don’t it always intrigued me I guess. Well we live on a flying boat and we had flying dragons at some point so I kind of forgot about it, but yeah…”
“I think you should keep working on technological wings. I know I’d love to have some.” Zane smiles as he encourages Jay, which he seems to greatly appreciate.
“So you were already on the way of realizing your dreams when you met Wu?” Lloyd wonders aloud. “Why did you accept to be a ninja then?”
“Well, who never wanted to be a ninja? Seriously, this is like everyone’s dream. But I liked that I was special to be on his team. Plus I figured I could do both you know, I’m sure I’d still be working on it if we didn’t live in a flying boat at some point.” Jay argues, he seems to hesitate a bit, but he does add: “Also, it’s not a dream or anything but I love painting. I’m not saying I want to be an artist or something but I guess it’s in the same way of wanting to create something great? I want someone to be moved by the things I create. But I haven’t… I mean, I kind of forgot about it? I do sketch sometimes but haven’t picked up paint in a while.”
“Why? If you love it?” Lloyd never knew this about Jay, well, sure he saw the doodle but never thought he could actually paint.
“Well, we don’t have much free time, we have to save Ninjago, and then work, and then have a good time while a terrible event is heading our way, and I’d rather spend time with you guys than suffocate with oil paint in my room.”
Zane and Kai are smiling while Cole playfully teases Jay about it. Lloyd thinks being an artist, genius inventor suits Jay. He’d probably be some kind of guy whom everyone knows, but lives in the same street as you and you’d never notice until he’d get tired of waiting for you to figure out it’s him and yelled that he was the great artist, genius inventor everyone knew.
“I don’t think I have any dreams,” says Kai suddenly. Lloyd thinks it’s weird, Kai is someone who lived and shined brightly, he thought he’d be the one with the most dreams.
“You must have one”, argues Cole next to him. “Think of your childhood.”
“I am”, the red ninja replies with a grimace, “But I can’t find one? Maybe I’m not looking enough?”
“Yeah, you should look harder” Jay says with a slight frown.
Kai shrugs, and looks toward Cole, who takes it as a sign, he straightens his back up and looks at everyone before talking, his tone is surprisingly sheepish, as if he was embarrassed.
“You’re not going to believe it, but I wanted to be a dancer.”
Surprised sounds, a mix of “what?!” and “no way!” come from everywhere at the same time.
“I know, I know, it was before my mom died and my dad started being, him you know? My parents loved to dance so me too you know?” He pauses, carefully choosing his next words. “I think, if my father didn’t try to control my life, I would’ve loved to dance professionally. I don’t know… Maybe if mom hadn’t died at all I would’ve probably continued? I loved to sing too… I don’t think I could go back, I mean, I don’t think I could do it now. I just got to liking dance again, it’s best if I keep it as a hobby.”
“So… your father killed your dream?” Kai asks, slowly, looking at Cole cautiously. That’s one way of saying it, Lloyd feels bad for Cole, he can’t imagine his father annoying him so much about something that he’d give it up.
“I think it died with my mom too.” Admits Cole. “It wasn’t fun anymore after she died, I think I would have stopped anyway.” He hugs his legs as he stares at the ground, seemingly lost in thought. “Before dying, she made me promise her that I’d fight for what’s right and that I’d stand up for those who couldn’t. When Wu found me, I was… Well I was thinking of a way how I could do it in my everyday life. He obviously gave me a solution, but if he wasn’t here, I think I would’ve just been a firefighter? Something like that. But that’s not really a dream is it?”
Jay’s start had been nice, but now the mood is a bit depressing. Lloyd can’t help feeling like it is his fault. But more so, he feels terribly bad for Cole, his friend had stopped dreaming at such a young age.
“Do you think you would have loved opening a bakery?” Zane asks suddenly.
“Uhm, I eat, more than I bake but… I don’t know? I don’t think I bake enough, if at all, to know.”
“Maybe you just need new hobbies to turn into passion, so that you can dream again!” Zane enunciates slowly, as if afraid of making a mistake. “Dreams are essential to keep us going forward. Having a goal is important.”
“You can have goals without having dreams.” Kai argues. “My goal is to become stronger, so that I can protect my sister, but my dream isn’t being the strongest.”
“Then what’s your dream?” Asks Jay, actually looking invested. “Any dreams.”
“I can’t remember”, Kai actually looks upset about this, and Lloyd looks in Zane’s direction, so that they can focus on someone else. Fortunately, he notices.
“My dreams are simple.” The ice ninja states simply. “I want to be able to hold as much knowledge as possible, maybe transmit it, if I find a way.”
“As in, teaching?” Lloyd suggests.
“Sure, I enjoyed the summer we spent teaching at Darkley’s, even if the children were… well. Them.” This earns a few snickers from the rest of the boys and Lloyd catches Jay looking at him, somehow, Lloyd knows he is thinking about his endless pranks from when he first arrived.
“Yes teaching would be great, Pixal and I have been talking, and we agreed that, in a very very long future, we could maybe build a nindroid too.” This last statement, manages to shock all of them.
“You want a kid?” Screams Jay.
“He wants to build his kid.” Cole says, looking like the air has been knocked out of him. “You should think about building your girlfriend first! Isn’t Pixal still in your head?!” Kai laughs at Cole’s remark, while Zane informs that Pixal is, still in his head, and saying hi. Eventually, Kai’s laugh dies down.
“So, you want a family of your own, that is what you are saying?” The fire ninja asks, and Zane nods.
“I’d like that. I spent a lot of time alone after I lost contact with my father. He was great, he built me, and gave me a purpose, and I would love to be able to have a child with whom I could pass on the purpose, help people.”
“That’s not so different from my mom” Cole remarks shyly, but Zane smiles as he nods at him.
“This is the most normal dream we’ve had since the beginning.” Notes Kai.
“Are you sure you don’t remember?” Zane asks, sounding a bit worried.
Kai stays silent and stares at his bruised, covered in scars, hands. “I mean… Well no I remember, but they’re not, uhm… ‘normal’ dreams.” Kai stays silent a bit and no one dares to push him, he very rarely opens up, and this whole group is almost holding their breath, waiting for the next tiny bits of information he’s willingly giving.
“I don’t remember much from my childhood. Because… Well Nya says that sometimes when the brain is too stressed or some moments are too traumatizing, he shuts the memories, so I guess that’s kind of what happened? I know some years feel like a blur while others don’t. I was too small, so except from my parents’ face, I don’t remember much from when they were here? Small bits. I just remember dreaming that Nya and I would survive next winter, be warm, I mean, I was always warm but her, specifically, have food, money. Just… basic necessities? They’re not dreams, more like wishes? I wished I didn’t have to quit school to work and all? I don’t know..”
Lloyd knows, in theory that Kai’s and Nya’s childhood spent in poverty was not fun, but he never realizes until they are talking about it. He mostly imagines it like his own, stealing candies, having people being nice and giving him food all the time. But the siblings grew up in the east, where poverty is high, people depend on their agriculture for the year and for a single thing you need you’ll have to work harder than ever. He wonders why Ray and Maya chose to put their forge in Ignacia of all places. Why would this village need weapons for?
“I guess, I dreamed my parents would come back and everything would go back to normal. But I couldn’t spend a lot of time dreaming about what could be, the future and all, because, the goal was to survive the present. I didn’t let myself… care for that dream or even create new ones. That’d be just too painful?”
“And now?” Asks Jay, “What would you like to do if you had to stop being a ninja.”
Kai looks taken aback, almost, by the question. “I don’t know… I mean… I just kind of went from, protecting Nya, to protecting you guys and Ninjago. I don’t know what else I’d do.”
Lloyd wonders how it is, to fight, and care for people your entire life, so much that you have no idea what to do with yourself. Lloyd knows himself. Being a ninja is a responsibility destiny chose for him. But he knows he had dreams before becoming one. He can’t ever imagine never dreaming. He thinks, a bit cruelly, how can one be a person without ever dreaming for themselves?
“There was, uhm… when you died, you know,” he looks at Zane intensely, there seem to be a message sent because Zane’s eyes go wide. As if he remembered something, Lloyd doesn’t have time to think about it because Kai continues speaking immediately, “before we joined the tournaments, you all know I worked in that shady bar, to fight people and all? Well, on the days when I didn’t fight, well I’d go to that small plant nursery that wasn’t far from my apartment and I’d work a bit with them ? It wasn’t for the money or anything, being the best fighter at the pit payed well, but it just felt normal. It made me think of Ignacia, sometimes I’d work on some people’s garden’s for extra bucks. The soil on ninjago city isn’t half as good as the one in Ignacia and it was harder, i mean, I found it harder to grow anything, but when i managed, it always felt nice ? I’m not saying my dream is to become a gardener, but maybe, one day, maybe when we’re done with protecting the world against the forces of evil, i’d just like to have a small house with a nice garden? Something to grow and take care of? If we’re ever done, of course.’’
Lloyd, again, can’t help but muse on, how Kai was always taking care of something. Lloyd doesn’t think the man can function without someone needing him, depending on him, a sister, brothers, a city, the world or plant. He is so used to it he doesn’t dream about not caring, and despite how terribly toxic it is, LLoyd admires the love and compassion Kai owns, that makes him care, protect, and fight for every kind of being.
He realizes, with horror that, except for Zane none of his friends have dreams. They had some, and stopped cultivating them. They let their dreams die, or killed them before they had a chance to form in their minds. He didn’t know people couldn’t dream, even Morro, for all his exasperating belief that he was the green ninja, dreamed of being someone special. The mood is a bit too dark for his liking, none of the others are saying a word, taking in everything Kai has said but not commenting on it. They’re not going to, because they are afraid a single word will make them wait years for the next time he chooses to open up to them. Lloyd gives him a small smile when he catches Kai looking his way.
“What about you?” The older boy asks. “You’re still a kid, what do you dream about?”
Lloyd is scared someday, his dream will die of neglect, he is worried he’ll kill one of his dreams before it has the chance to blossom in his mind. But he thinks, the only way to fight this, is to talk about it, make it real.
“I like stories, comics, I’d love to make one, one day. Maybe one inspired by our adventures as ninjas? Or maybe something slice of life completely different, maybe both? I don’t, uhm, like writing or drawing, but I always have a lot of ideas and plots, and characters in my head. I think it’s fun.” He gets shy, when he realizes that his dream is incredibly childish. But the boys are looking at him with stars and hope in their eyes and Lloyd doesn’t need to be a sensei to know they are happy he is dreaming, like a child.
“Maybe you could tell about your stories?” Jay suggests, clearly interested. Lloyd nods, he heads for the bed where Kai and Cole are laying and is quickly followed by Zane and Jay, and they’re forming a circle in the bed. Lloyd is against Kai, who had a hand over his shoulder and who, proudly, protectively, keeps him close. Lloyd is, in the moment, glad Kai is taking care of him, and in the same breath, he promises himself to buy as many plant seeds he finds on his journey as possible. He will give him a garden to care about, just like he’ll keep asking Jay about his wings and paintings, like he’ll ask Zane how they’ll give personality to the child and how he’ll make Cole make desserts for everyone. He will force them to have dreams they can nurture, he will prove dreams can be lived, and he’ll start with his.