Chapter Text
One moment, the sun was shining, its warmth filling me with comfort. The trees swayed as the wind raced through their leaves. The grass brushing against my feet was warm and made me chuckle. I began to dance, the wind helping me move gracefully. I closed my eyes as I spun, one foot in the air like a ballerina. My foot landed, but I no longer felt the warmth of the grass. Instead, I felt painfully cold stone. The cold spread throughout my body, replacing the warmth like it was never there at all. My hair was still, the wind missing for longer than I had realized.
I opened my eyes to see a great darkness created by the closed walls of a pure stone cave. It appeared to stretch on to no end, nothing there but the darkness and stone.
No worries… I thought, I can simply turn back to my land of warmth. I can simply return to my pure happiness.
Quickly, with a big smile as I thought of dancing in the field once more, I turned back to be greeted with the same darkness that I thought I wouldn't have to see again. Like what I had just turned away from, the cold stone seemed to go on forever.
Surely, the field isn't too far from me. I was just there. I was just happy not that long ago. Surely, the cave must not go on forever. The fields, I must return to them. If I walk forward, I'll return to them, I must.
With hope in my heart, I walked forward. With each step, the cold stone hurt my feet, making them feel like they were burning. I began to shiver, but I kept moving forward, determined.
I walked, and walked, and walked, and walked….. and walked……. and walked….
Eventually, the burning became an odd comfort. Any kind of sensation was better than none at all. The cold began to become like the warmth I had once felt, all but the joy the warmth had brought. I had long since forgotten why I was walking. What was I looking for? The joy of the field, that's right, but was the field that fulfilling? Was the field that different from the cave? Was that joy much different from the emptiness I felt now?
With these thoughts running through my mind, I stopped. I didn't need to keep walking, did I? If it was all the same, what was the point of walking further? Wasn't this cave endless anyways? Even if I reached the field and it was everything I remembered, how long would that last before I found myself back in the cave?
Standing still felt wrong. I had been walking for so long, it felt wrong to stop. What else was I meant to do? Walking was my only goal, the only thing I did within this surrounding darkness. The only thing I've done is hope to reach that field again, to find that happiness again. I couldn't stop, it felt wrong.
My feet moved to continue walking, but it wasn't the same. I didn't walk because I had that hope or that want to reach the field, I walked because it was routine. The thought of reaching the field felt numb. Was there much point to thinking of it?
I walked and walked….. walking…. walking…. burning…. burning
A flicker of light made me pause, my routine had been broken.
“Oh, dear, how long have you been here,” a sweet voice asked.
My voice made no attempt to work, it hasn't worked in so long. The sweet voice was odd, almost hurting my ears with sudden introduction to it. It contrasted the cave greatly.
The person grabbed my hand and swiftly made me follow them. The routine continued, but it has changed. The person had intruded upon my comfortable pain provided by the cave.
Walking….. walking….. walking
Light began to slowly become revealed, painting itself onto the cave walls. I felt fear. The cave had become my comfort, my home. Can I leave it? What if the field was not as grand as I remembered? What if it was worse than the cave? What if the field was beautiful, but I find myself back in the cave? Can I go through that pain again? Maybe it's best to stay in the pain, that way I'm numb to it.
The person tugged my hand gently, making their wants clear.
I gulped and trudged forward. The thoughts grew worse and my feet felt heavier. I can't do this, I'll never truly escape the cave. Returning to the field will just hurt me, the cave is inevitable.
The pull never stopped, the person never gave up despite how much harder it became to pull me.
Suddenly, I found myself in the field. The light burned my eyes, the grass itched, the air was uncomfortably hot. The pain and darkness that has grown so comfortable was gone. It felt weird, felt wrong.
My eyes adjusted to the light, the grass no longer itched, but tickled softly. The wind blew my hair once more, the nice warmth flowing through it.
I shook as I began to cry. I had never cried in the cave, I didn't understand why I would now. The person wrapped their arms around me. I was in pain for so long, I had forgotten what it all felt like. The darkness surrounded me, making me grow comfortable in it, wanting that comfort.
The cave, a sudden thing that can simply appear no matter how bright the fields around you are. The cave, something that feels never ending. The cave, its darkness and pain convincing you this is normal, that this is what comfort is. The cave, the idea of leaving only to return, scaring you to the very core.
A person who holds the candle, someone who cares and will guide you away from the cave despite how hard it might be. They'll take you back to the field, and they'll always hold the candle if you return to that cave.