Chapter Text
Again.
They died; they opened their eyes.
Again.
They didn’t know what they dreaded more when they knew their time to die was coming. Opening their eyes and being on the ship again? Having to go through the wormhole, again?
Sol opened their eyes, as much as they hated this sensation, the feeling of knowing too much, but at the same time not knowing enough, funny, they almost felt like crying out loud, she was a kid again, which being scared would be reasonable, but again, they didn’t feel like a kid anymore so what was the point.
Sol felt their limbs heavier than ever, with some problems they finally sat up on their bed, sheets gripped tightly on their fists, they felt like… no, they didn’t feel, they didn't remember the last time they felt, probably after the… five hundred? They didn’t care.
They stood up, feet feeling heavy, head thumping, it felt like someone was trying to break their head with a hammer, they winced when their feet touched the ground, it was cold, cold and hard making them stop for a second to remember, they died, they woke up, they are still here, after all this time, after all those years, they’re going to keep waking up here, alive, again .
They walked towards the crèche, their eyes instinctively looking for a black-haired boy, but of course, he wasn’t there, he never was. He never cared, so why were they looking for his eyes again, why? He’ll just go away and abandon them, because he never cared to stay, to stay for them , sure he’ll do it if they asked, but, they didn’t want to ask, no, they wanted to be wanted, they wanted that he wanted to stay for them, but they were sure I wouldn’t happen, not here, not in this lifetime, probably not ever in Sol’s lifetimes.
They felt their shoulders slump a bit as they walked towards the cushions sitting down and putting their hands on the pockets of their jacket when the alarm went off, they opened their eyes slowly looking to where Professor Hal was gathering the kids. They managed to slip away and to reinforce the shields to protect the crops, they didn’t want to spend the first years on Vertumna working on the crops to save their mom, they saw her die too many times, too many, too much.
After that they saw the wormhole and fell unconscious, opening their eyes again, again , they were on Vertumba, again, they took a deep breath and in and when Instance went inside the medbay the only thing she found was Sol crying their heart out, not loudly, no, they were sniffing and crying and seemed like they wanted to stop but couldn't.